mamadrama - Jezebel

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"She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
"After My First Baby, I Felt No Desire For Sex"
Lynne Spears: Through The Storm And "We're Looking At The Sunshine"
Your Toddler's Temper Tantrum Is Totes Not Your Fault

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abunbn
10/26/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
Most crazy-making for me were Mehmat's comments about Kate Middleton's mother being photographed with her daughter:

"I wondered if Carole was jealous of her beautiful daughter - certainly her daring dress suggested she wasn't happy surrendering all the attention to her offspring - but I wouldn't blame her if she was."

Is it really so difficult to imagine that Carole Middleton--lovely at 54--would want to wear a "daring dress" *because she feels beautiful in her own right*? It's one thing for Mehmet to agonize over her own maternal jealousies, but pathologizing other women in the same way seems doubly destructive. #mothers
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The Bitter Librarian
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
"Instead of trying to keep up with her daughter... Mehmet should find her own path and attempt to show her kid that life doesn't end at 18 and that true beauty has no age limit....."

As a fellow 38-year-old, I can say that if Mehmet hasn't realized this by now, she probably isn't going to. I'm predicting major plastic surgery in her future. . . #mothers
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Ulookinatmyjunk, JOC
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
Yea...so, I clicked the link and both mother and daughter are friggin' stunners. I know this is not the point of the whole thing, but honestly, I don't know why the mother is complaining. It's like trying to stop a moving train, there's always someone younger and cuter...it's unfortunate that the object of her disdain is her very own daughter. Still, in virtually all societies, women are forced to view other women as competition...sometimes this permeates into your relationships with ALL women, including your daughters, aunts, nieces, etc. I can't tell Sibel (or any other woman) how she should feel. Hell, I'm in my late-twenties and sometimes I feel pangs of envy when I see 18 and 19 year olds bopping around. Then I remind myself that I've already had that time. And while I was a total cutie, I was so oblivious to it because during my adolescence I was so wrapped up in self-doubt. One thing that I love about being older, is the sense of self-acceptance that grows with every year. I'm trying to make each year more purposeful, so that I won't feel that any time has been wasted. #mothers
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coconanas
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
I know how she feels.

My niece is 5 years old and she has perfect skin with no wrinkles. Her whole life is ahead of her and here I am washed up at 26 years old.

Sigh. #mothers
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squeakel
10/25/09

@coconanas:

I was just thinking the same thing about my unborn child. She's so thin! #mothers
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sybann
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
Poor woman if all of her currency is tied up in her appearance. #mothers
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
"life doesn't end at 18 (unless you're a member of Menudo"
Even then. Ricky Martin was a member of Menudo, yes?
But then, of course, he's a guy. *sigh*

Daily Fail.
With so much else going on in the world, who made the decision that this should bump something like, say, the economy - or our First Lady doing double dutch - off the front page? #mothers
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applejuice
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
Well if the daughter was "oblivious" to how the mom felt before she ain't anymore! Way to air your issues to the world lady. I'm sure your offspring will thank you for it... #mothers
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Ski Bunny?
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
This article just made me glad that my parents never stressed the importance of appearance. I always suspected that I would be better off in the long run by sharply honing my wit and personality. Now, I know it is true, and I have never been happier to be only averagely attractively... physically, that is. As a total package, I rock. Thanks mom and dad. #mothers
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SarahMC
10/25/09

@Ski Bunny?: Completely agree. My mom wasn't hung up on her own looks and neither of my parents ever emphasized my looks over my other qualities. They don't criticize my looks and weren't the kind of people to focus on other people's looks. I am so grateful for that. #mothers
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Pantra
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
Honestly, what is so great about turning heads everywhere? I hate hearing that beauty is power - I thought it was when I was young and was a total man magnet, but I think it brought me more crap than anything else. When I gained 40 pounds at 32, and was no longer quite such a generic babe, I realized nothing of value had changed. Life was just as enjoyable as before, although some people (mostly women) treated me differently. Now that I've lost the weight, I'm not really afraid of aging because I've learned that attention is a fake currency. Other than possibly getting a slight edge with the people you're attracted to, what good does it bring you? Aging is the best thing that can happen to this woman - she'll be forced to find value in something lasting and more fulfilling than the lust in a stranger's eyes. And she'll know that any relationship she forms isn't just about her her looks.

But of course that doesn't change how much it sucks for her daughter. I'm wondering how much her mother lets the competitive crap get in the way of their relationship. Envy is so poisonous. #mothers
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LoSpaz
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
A woman I know had a baby girl in May and wrote a really disturbing blog post a few weeks later about how she was now going to be competing with her daughter looks-wise. If that's the first thing you think when you give birth to a daughter, your kid has a long road ahead of her. I agree with others that this woman is not mourning her looks so much as her youth, or rather, the choices she didn't make or didn't have at her daughter's age. It's unfortunate but not unusual that some women can't be thankful that their daughters have new opportunities. I'm very grateful for my own mother's encouragement over the years. #mothers
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Working-for-the-weekend
10/25/09

@LoSpaz: The first thing I thought when I found out I was having a daughter is "I hope she is prettier, smarter and more successful than I am." A lot of people think that was me being down on myself, but even if I was the prettiest, smartest most successful person in the world, I'm pretty sure I would have thought the same. #mothers
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If_I_Had_a_Poodle
10/25/09

@Working-for-the-weekend: Amen, and yes. That child is off to a great start. #mothers
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Lizard in the Wires - synthesizer signals suspense!
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
Okay, looking at the picture of them, the mom is still insanely pretty, she's just older. So she's not turning the heads of pervy old men anymore... that's not even ABOUT being pretty it's simply about being young. I get cat-called and stared at all the time when I'm out in no make up and nasty clothes. It has nothing to do with being pretty, it has to do with looking like prey.

I feel bad for the mom. I mean she got pregnant young, at 21. That's a lot of fun and partying, and just learning about yourself and what you want out of life to give up. I'd probably be jealous of my kid too if I felt they got to live the "fun, young, single life" that I never did. #mothers
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tiredfairy
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
And this is one the prices of teaching women, practically from the moment they're born, that not only are our looks/youth something so important we must be afraid of losing them...but that we're in competition with every other woman as though we must covet love and admiration, and tie it so exclusively to how we look, that we get jealous of our daughters.

I'm lucky. My mother is not like this and never has been. She has always been generous with her love, never jealous or competitive with it, and she's a wonderful, kind, spirited, beautiful woman who just turned 60.

Many of my friends are not so lucky, and I always felt bad growing up when I'd hear stories about mothers taking out that insecurity on their growing daughters. Girls have a tough enough time as it is, we all need to be kinder to ourselves and each other. #mothers
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DexterHaven
10/25/09

@tiredfairy: Very well said. #mothers
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LilyBonesBurana
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
It should be noted that there is a male cognate to this. There's an established literary theme of a man envying his son's (or sons') youth and vitality.

Only diff, as Norman Mailer pointed out, is that a father and son are more likely to compete for the same women.

Which kind of points back to the mom's envy--she sees her daughter as being more "covetable" by a larger group of men, across a span of years, while she feels less men want her as she ages, and that matters to her.

But then, how many men does a woman need? (some would be quick to say: NONE. rimshot!) Unless she's going for some kind of Mae West marathon, she'd probably do okay with one good one, right? #mothers
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Pantra
10/25/09

@LilyBonesBurana: I know quite a few men who are overtly competitive with and threatened by their sons. Funny how this never gets acknowledged the way the stereotype of the jealous aging woman does.... Which is why I winced when I saw this article. #mothers
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LilyBonesBurana
10/25/09

@Pantra: Because WOMEN are MEEEN and COMPETITIVE and BITTER as they AGE, while men just age perfectly and non-neurotically, because they are so terribly busy marrying one of their son's 16 year-old ex-girlfriends. Whom they will dump when they turn 30.

I am over 30! I know of which I speak! I'm polishing my poison apples RIGHT NOW.

Although, really, a guy probably just wouldn't write a piece like this. He'd write a novel about his fear of aging instead and be hailed as a genius instead of a vindictive, shallow shrew.

Oh wait, I *am* bitter. :) #mothers
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KimberleeJean
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
This lady is three years older than me, and she's writing like she feels like she looks 1000 years old!

When will people give up on the idea of looking like they did when they were 18? Why not focus on being a beautiful what-ever-the-age-you-are? And why not define what beautiful means for yourself? #mothers
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Jetgirly
10/25/09

In reply to "She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
This strikes me as an attempt by the mother to help her daughter break into modeling or acting. #mothers
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Plum-Pie
10/26/09

@Jetgirly: Oooh yes:

'Look everyone! Look how young and pretty she is!'

*tries to keep last meal down* #mothers
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