In the new issue of African fashion magazine Arise, reporter Hannah Pool examines the idea that "all Africa ha[s] to offer the world was begging bowl." The article, titled "Good Will Hunting," starts off with a bang:

"When high profile celebrities get shown visiting disadvantaged areas in Africa and those images get beamed out to the rest of the world, I believe they almost do more damage than good," says Moky Makura, Nigerian-born, Johannesburg-based author, M-Net presenter and founder of the Africa our Africa blog. "We don't want to keep reinforcing the image of a helpless continent. We will only eradicate our problems when we build economies based on commerce, not charity. To do this, Africa needs to be seen as an investment destination or trading partner, not as a charity case.

Pool then delves into the conundrum facing many activists on the continent - if people are embracing the idea of "trade not aid" as a way to push forward development, who benefits from this "charitainment?" Pool elaborates:

The merging of charity and entertainment - or, as Time magazine called it, charitainment - has led to some damaging consequences. Celebrities (and their agents) have realised that being seen to care about Africa brings instant cool. About 25 years after Live Aid, A-list celebrities are forever falling out of the pages of magazines such as Hello! or OK!, tearfully waxing lyrical about how spending five minutes in an African orphanage changed their whole view on life. And thanks to Madonna and Angelina Jolie, some Western media appear to be under the impression that the best way to empty Africa's orphanages is not the eradication of poverty but mass adoption by wealthy pop stars.

"Whether it's Bono shilling for AIDS dollars, Angelina and Madonna toting their African offspring, Gwyneth [Paltrow] and David Bowie declaring they are African, or Matt Damon and George Clooney rallying for Darfur, it appears that a new generation of philanthropists have taken up the 'White Man's Burden'," says South African academic Zine Magubane on the pan-African blog Zeleza Post.

As soon as Pool mentioned Matt Damon, I immediately thought of this bit from Entourage:

"Gimme the fucking check Vince!"

At any rate, Pool drops the bomb that's been hovering over any discussion of aid and Western involvement in Africa. The idea of The White Man's Burden actually stems from a Rudyard Kipling poem of the same name. Scholars have long debated if 'White Man's Burden' is a love letter to imperialism or a satirical take-down - Kipling was an avid imperialist but was also a satirist, and his intentions with the piece aren't fully understood. However, the poem and the term have been propelled to the heights of infamy due to the application of the core concept around the globe. (Personally, I prefer Henry Labouchère's acid-tongued retort, The Brown Man's Burden - fascinating how both poems were written in 1899, but still resonate to this day).

One line from Labouchère - Let all your manifestoes/Reek with philanthropy - cuts to the quick of how a "trade not aid" movement developed on the African continent. All this "philanthropy" normally comes with strings and conditions, and it can actively undermine those looking for long term solutions to a problem. Pool, in fact, discusses the work of Dambisa Moyo, a Zambian economist whose book, Dead Aid, who argues that aid only breeds dependency:

"Aid has been, and continues to be, an unmitigated political, economic, and humanitarian disaster for most of the developing world," says Moyo. Rather than wanting to promote Africa as a place of business and opportunity, the West prefers to have Africa as its needy child. After all, imagine how scary a strong capitalist Africa would be. Moyo argues that aid keeps Africa politically and economically pliant, and that celebrities, with their passion for doing good rather than doing business, simply help maintain this status quo (whether they mean to or not).

She adds:

For some, 'glamour aid' is a non-topic. Africa needs money and fast. Getting people to focus on anything else - business opportunities, the arts or tourism, for example - is tantamount to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. The fact is, celebrities raise billions of dollars for Africa, and they generate immeasurable amounts of press coverage for previously ignored causes. Who in the West had given Malawi a second thought until Madonna pitched up, bringing with her the international media and, undoubtedly, valuable donations? And wouldn't thousands of African children be without antiretroviral drugs if it wasn't for Keys and her Black Ball fundraisers in aid of Keep a Child Alive? [...]

"Africa as a continent is torn by many issues, which are beyond the people's control, including poverty, AIDS, and genocide, says [Paschorina Mortty, of events company The One Event which deals with foundations], "so the more celebrities who want to support this beautiful continent, the better. Celebrity support opens up media space and allows the issues to come to the attention of the public and policymakers. Rightly or wrongly, we live in a society where the media and public have a strong interest in celebrities." [...]

Does this interest translate into the public good, or does it just become another way to prolong a problem? In the case of Madonna, I'm not too sure. Her earlier interest stunk to high heaven with the white savior complex, and the controversy over David Banda's adoption added further fuel to the fire. After spending some more time in Malawi, she seems to have shifted out of the idea that one raises awareness by adoption and horrific images of suffering, and has shifted to promoting projects and infrastructure. The new school is a good start, and a step in the right direction. But what will Madonna do next? Will she continue learning and implementing projects that contribute to long term solutions? Or will she go back to the standard celebrity charity junket? (If her plea on the Huffington Post is any indication, we are heading back to "your one time donation" territory.)

As Pool says:

But if all celebrities do is talk, demand money and portray the same old Africa of war, famine, and poverty, should they really be congratulated? Shouldn't we challenging them to come with something new to say about Africa?

Madonna Launches Malawi School Construction [Reuters]
Raising Malawi: Will You Join Me? [Huffington Post]
Arise Magazine [Official Site]
The White Man's Burden [Wikipedia]

Related: The White Man's Burden [Modern History Sourcebook]
The Brown Man's Burden [Dan McDowell's History Projects]
Dead Aid [Amazon]

Related: Meet The Neo-Colonialists: Madonna And Vanity Fair [Racialicious]

• Did Rosie O'Donnell try to romance Angelina Jolie? She told Howard Stern on his radio show:

"We talked on the phone two or three times, but that was that… There was a tentative plan to have dinner that never came through. I was a little afraid of Angelina. She's scary in a sexual kind of way." [Gatecrasher]

• Charlize Theron's nickname is Ass-nuts. No, really. [Mirror]
• Last week, Lil' Wayne pleaded guilty to possessing a .40-caliber semi-automatic cops found in a Louis Vuitton bag on his tour bus. He's focusing on partying before he gets sentenced in February — when he's expected to get a year in jail. [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan has moved out of her Hollywood Hills house, which was broken into in August. She's now in a West Hollywood condo. Adjust accordingly. [Page Six]
• On his album cover, Adam "Glambert" Lambert reminds me of Debbie Gibson or Belinda Carlisle. [The Life Files]
• Since her TV career is iffy, Kate Gosselin has renewed her nursing license — she used to be a labor and delivery nurse at The Reading Hospital and Medical Center in Pennsylvania. It's good to have a back-up plan! Imagine having contractions and then seeing her in the delivery room? [RadarOnline]
• Yikes: Matthew Broderick's new play was previewing Monday night, but he wasn't prepared. He had to stop the play to ask for his lines 10 times during the first act alone. [Gatecrasher]
• Critics cannot stop gushing about Carey Mulligan, earning her "It Girl" status. She says: "It Girl is such a weird term,… It implies I go to parties and drink champagne and um… it's weird." [CNN]
• The Church of Scientology is pissed Crash director Paul Haggis claims the religion is anti-gay. Tommy Davis, a spokesperson for Scientology, says: "The church supports civil rights for everybody, regardless of sexual orientation, race, color or creed. We are a minority, too; we understand what it's like to be persecuted, so to the extent that anything prohibits or inhibits on civil rights, we don't agree with it." So why was the Church's name of a list of churches which supported Prop 8? Davis says that was an error. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Take a deep breath: The Jonas Brothers are not, repeat NOT breaking up. It's true that Nick Jonas has formed a band called Nick Jonas & The Administration, but he says: "We've said from the beginning of our career as the Jonas Brothers that anything we do outside of the group is a side project because you can't break up brothers… My brothers are my biggest supporters." [People]
• Secrets from Sex And The City 2: The Reckoning Of The Boogaloo! It's bigger! But not as long as the first! The cast has been shooting all night! With huge crowds involving hundreds of people! Please God let it be a prison dance scene. [The Sun]
• In Lily Allen's new video, she plays a woman obsessed with Elton John. As you may recall, the two had a "feud" last year when she called him an old drunk (I'm paraphrasing) and he told her he could snort her under the table. [News.com.au]
• Richard Gere is in talks to star on the UK show Strictly Dancing. He's done ballroom before — in Shall We Dance, with Jennifer Lopez. Not that I've seen it. [The Sun]
• Andre Agassi did meth in the '90s and then lied when he failed a drug test. [NY Post]
• Ryan Seacrest is producing a show called The Bank Of Hollywood, in which contestants pitch money-making ideas to business leaders. Sean Patterson, president of Wilhelmina models (you've seen him on ANTM) will be the main judge. [Page Six]
• Dr. Conrad Murray is blaming Michael Jackson on his inability to pay child support; the DA is calling bullshit on that. [TMZ]
• Dr. Arnold Klein has filed a creditors claim against the Michael Jackson estate, claiming he's owed $48,522.89 for services performed between March 23 2009 through June 22 2009 — just three days before Jackson's death. The services include Botox, acne surgery, Latisse, Restylane, and "nutritic lips." [TMZ]
• One of the services Dr. Klein provided is listed as "I.M. injection. A source says says "I.M. Injection" is commonly used as billing code for the narcotic Demerol. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson was in negotiations to buy a $38 million Bel Air mansion right before he died; his kids had seen the house and loved it. [TMZ]
• U2 will play a free concert in Berlin — in front of the Brandenburg Gate — to celebrate 20 years since the fall of the Berlin wall. [USA Today]
• Idris Elba was on The Office for seven episodes, and is continuing to have a relationship with NBC: He will be the executive producer of an legal drama about a vigilante lawyer who uses "any means necessary." Malcom X, Attorney At Law? [Reuters]
• Spotted: Jane Lynch — aka Glee's Sue Sylvester — making out with a "gal pal" in NYC. [Page Six]
• Morrissey returned to the stage after collapsing at his last show and made jokes about feeling ill. [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell recommended that Gordon Ramsey get some cosmetic surgery. So he did. [NY Post]
• Lisa Niemi, Patrick Swayze's widow, spoke at a women's conference on grief yesterday, saying: "When the grief takes you, it's like your body is not your own. I'm just going with the flow. I know I have to go through it. I've spent two thirds of my life with him. ... My regret is that I didn't tell him that I loved him enough over that entire 34 years. I am so grateful for what I had and my connection to him, and part of me believes that I will see him again… and I'm just going to have to go on until then." [People]
• Late Late Show host Craig Ferguson had to finish taping his show by flashlight last night when high winds knocked out the power at a CBS studio. That's what they call dark comedy, ba dum bum. [AP]
• Precious star Gabourey Sidibe is in talks to appear in a Showtime series called The C Word, in which Laura Linney stars as a terminal cancer patient. Gabby would have a guest spot as a teen with a bad attitude. [Variety]
• At the link, Alicia Silverstone talks about her fave recipe, restaurant, cookbook and food destination. [The Daily Beast]
• Corey Feldman's wife has filed for divorce. They've been married seven years and have a five-year-old son together. He'll be expected to pay attorney fees and spousal support, so maybe we'll get Lost Boys 2: The Frog Brothers' Revenge. [TMZ]
• Magician David Copperfield's sexual assault lawsuit has been delayed for six months. [AP]
• As a kid, I loved Miami Vice, so it's cool to hear Philip Michael Thomas is out there doing something, even if it's hosting a fundraiser for Republican Whilly Bermudez's campaign for the Florida legislature. I guess. [UPI]
• Michael Madsen: Facing eviction. [TMZ]
• "'I Google all day long, because I'm an information freak. I'm always looking for information about something. I do believe that Google was invented for me personally. 'As for Googling myself, I did that once but I gave up. There were seven and a half million sites, so I went 'whoops.'" — Michael Caine. [Telegraph]
• "I won't even see scary movies. I've been in them, and then I've been like, 'Whoa, this is way too scary for me.' I guess I've held on to some of those little childhood moments - when you're in the dark and there's a rattle outside and you're thinking there's a monster under your bed." — Josh Lucas. [Gatecrasher]

[Chinkhota, Malawi; October 26. Image via AP]

• Jennifer Aniston has agreed to do a weekly talk show for Oprah's new cable channel, OWN. A source says:

"She is doing this for one reason only; she absolutely wants to do it.." [NY Post]

• Madonna has arrived in Malawi to visit the girls school she is building there; a groundbreaking ceremony takes place today. [AP]
• "Lindsay Lohan has a new addiction." Shopping! Specifically: Shoes. [Gatecrasher]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's lawyers will be in court today regarding the money missing from their joint bank account. [People]
• On November 19, Rihanna will perform in a very special location: On the Oasis of the Seas, the world's largest cruise ship, operated by Royal Caribbean. Wonder if she'll sing, "Love… Exciting and new... come aboard… We're expecting you…" [USA Today]
• Courtney Love has moved to New York because her home in Malibu has been the target of raids by people claiming to be LAPD. She says: "I tried to be charming. But one of the guys points a gun at me. My daughter, Frances, ran and hid under the house." And! "My biggest problem is that I'm Courtney Love." [NY Daily News]
• Lady Gaga's dad had heart surgery on Thursday, and she's been spending time at the hospital giving him footrubs and so on. She Tweeted: "He's my hero." [Daily Express]
• Lady Gaga is a sad little Harlequin in French Vogue. [The Life Files]
• Ivanka Trump married New York Observer publisher Jared Kushner over the weekend; pic at the link. [NY Post]
• Nick Prugo, the 18-year-old suspected of stealing from Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge, had his computer seized, and it shows Google searches like "can a stolen mac be traced" and "if i register a mac can it be tracked." In addition, the computer was full of searches for the addresses of a number of celebrities whose houses were burglarized and photographs of jewelry worn by those celebs. [TMZ]
• Nick Prugo's computer also had the address of Dr. 90210 (Dr. Rey), though his home was not broken into. [TMZ]
• A source says that Nick Prugo wore Paris Hilton's heels: "He could fit into her shoes… He put them on and got into a dance and said, 'Don't I look good?'" Also, the "ring leader" of this teen thief gang is Rachel Lee, 18; she's described as a kleptomaniac. [NY Post]
• Lawyers for Jennifer Lopez have sent a cease and desist letter to shut down production of a movie about her life with her first husband, waiter and model Ojani Noa. He's claiming How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J-lo and and Ojani Noa Story is a mockumentary and "100% parody." [The Wrap]
• Emily Blunt will wear custom John Galliano when she marries John Krasinski , in case you weren't already ridiculously jealous. [Gatecrasher]
• Sean Penn is in Cuba to interview Fidel Castro for Vanity Fair. No, really. [AFP]
• Recently divorced Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated have both changed their Facebook status back to married. [Telegraph]
• Morrissey collapsed on stage and was rushed to the hospital on Sunday; he's since been discharged. [Independent]
• Susan Boyle was at a soccer match on Thursday, waving a scarf over her head, and everyone saw that her pants were undone. [MSNBC Scoop]
• A song in True Blood sparked Stephen Moyer's marriage proposal to Anna Paquin. [People]
• Jackie Jackson saw his brother Michael Jackson's movie, This Is It. He says the film is "truly riveting" and: "We get a glimpse of a true genius at work." [TMZ]
• Here's a partial set list of the songs in the Michael Jackson movie. [NY Post]
• Seventy unreleased songs created by Michael Jackson after 2004 are up for grabs; Sony Music and Universal Music may bid against each other. [NY Post]
• The man who is accused of punching Leona Lewis in the face has been sanctioned under the Mental Health Act and is not fit to go to court. [The Sun]
• In the play After Miss Julie, Sienna Miller grabs the scrotum of Jonny Lee Miller. Or at least appears to. She reveals her acting secret at the link. She also admits that ex flings Jude Law and Daniel Craig — who are also on Broadway right now — have not yet come to see her play. [NY Daily News]
• By the by, Jude Law thinks it's okay to smoke in NYC bars. [Page Six]
• As for Samantha Burke, she sold baby pix and an interview about her fling with Jude Law to a Brit mag for about $300,000. [Gatecrasher]
• In this interview, Carrie Fisher touches on bipolar disorder, doing acid, Laurence Olivier, Cary Grant, and Agnes Of God. She also pulls out her iPhone and watches her audition tape for Star Wars. [The Daily Beast]
• Shauna Sand's sex tape should be out any day now, since a handwriting expert proved that she had, in fact, signed off on it. [TMZ]
• Interesting: Paul Haggis, the Oscar-winning writer-director whose credits include Crash, Million Dollar Baby and Letters From Iwo Jima, has left the Church of Scientology. In a letter, he writes that the Church's "public sponsorship of Proposition 8, a hate-filled legislation that succeeded in taking away the civil rights of gay and
  lesbian citizens of California – rights that were granted them by the
  Supreme Court of our state – shames us." [Showbiz 411]
• Patrick Swayze's widow, Lisa Niemi, will speak publicly for the first time tomorrow at a women's conference in Long Beach, CA on a panel on loss and grieving with Elizabeth Edwards and actress Susan St. James, both of whom lost children in accidents. [NY Post]
• A man named Robert George says Glee hates women. [NY Post]
• "Fatboy Slim was 'too drunk' to have a baby." [Daily Express]
• Nadya "Octomom" Suleman's Halloween costume is horrifying, but maybe not in the way you think. [NY Post]
• Andrew Lloyd Webber has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. His rep says he is "now undergoing treatment and expects to be fully back at work before the end of the year." [AP]
• James Gandolfini and Al Sharpton seem to be having a bromance. [Page Six]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jenna Elfman talks about how her second pregnancy is harder than her first. [E!]
• In a random online poll, Twilight's Edward Cullen has been named favorite vampire. [Mirror]
• A Run-DMC musical on Broadway? It's tricky. [Gatecrasher]
• "[I was] freaking out. Dying inside. But then when the towel dropped I was like, 'fuck that.' You just have to relax, and it's just like you're taking a shower at your house. There is no one around, you are taking a shower, it's very simple. I literally took a shower the way I take a shower." — Gilles Marini, on his Sex And The City nude scene. [BlackBook]
• "I was still showing up to work but I wasn't nearly as good as I should have been. Jon and the guys said, 'Hey, you've gotta take care of this and you've gotta take care of this now.'" — Richie Sambora, on his Bon Jovi bandmates staging an intervention and urging him to enter rehab. [Daily Express]
• Q: If you could have been born in a different century, which would it be?
  A: "Roman times. You never had to leave the couch." — Ozzy Osbourne. [Telegraph]
• "The nude scenes never felt magical. They felt like a pain in the arse." — Eric Bana on The Time Traveler's Wife. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "We didn't have trailers. That's unheard of. After Season 2, for two seasons we had a communal trailer that we all shared — me, Larry [David], Jeff [Garlin], Cheryl [Hines], any of the guests stars, we were all in the same trailer. Changing together, using the same bathroom. You think those Sex and the City girls didn't have trailers from day one? Oh yes they did!" — Susie Essman on the early days of Curb Your Enthusiasm. [Page Six]
• "I remember thinking, 'I don't know if I can do radio.' I never even listen to it. [But] There's no censorship. That's why I said yes. I couldn't imagine doing a show where I'd once again have to answer to corporate interests." — Rosie O'Donnell, on her new radio show, which she can do from home. She adds: "I don't even have a bra on! That's the best part of this job." [USA Today]
• "I take pride in saying I'm a fat girl, fabulous and thick, fluffy and tender, full and tasty. Don't it just make you happy to say that? Big from birth. Nine pounds, 13 ounces. They told my mother it was baby fat and I would grow out of it. At 41 years old, I am now 217 pounds. I didn't grow out of it. I grew into it… Am I wrong for not saying that beauty has to be blonde hair and blue eyes and a size zero? Now, that is beautiful. But beauty is also black with nappy hair, and it could be a size 52. Beauty comes in everything. It's what your eyes perceive to be beautiful. I just don't choose to buy into the foolishness of what this country says we deem is beauty. Who are you?" — Mo'Nique, who also talks about losing weight for her health, at the link. [CBS News]

• According to this report, Jennifer Aniston is "struggling" to stay away from John Mayer:

Last week she sent him a "hand-delivered, perfumed note" before one of his concerts, and it read, "Play well, you always do." Then she moped around her mansion and sobbed giant old lonely spinster tears. [Daily Express]

• Rihanna is reportedly not nervous about testifying in court today. [E!, NY Post, NY Daily News]
• Meanwhile, Chris Brown will be working with Keri Hilson. [E!]
• Chris Brown will listen to Rihanna give a detailed description of how he struck her in the car today. And: Um, his next song may be called "Smash." [TMZ]
• Madonna's new daughter Mercy was flown to London of the weekend. [People, NY Daily News]
• "Eliza Manyoza, a banana vendor in Malawi's colonial-era capital Zomba, says she has never heard a Madonna song. She only knows the American pop icon as an "adopter" of orphaned children. 'I am told she is a nice woman who wants to help our children.'" [Breitbart]
• Anna Faris married Chris Pratt in Hawaii on Saturday. In the photograph, Pratt is wearing, tight, star-spangled flag-inspired swim trunks. [Radar Online]
• Lindsay Lohan has a new tattoo that the paparazzi can't read, even though they zoomed in on her arm as she arrived at Samantha Ronson's house in L.A. But actually, the big mystery in these photographs? LL's choice of hideous shoes. [Daily Mail]
• Lindsay Lohan's new show with Ryan Seacrest is all about giving people on the wrong track a second chance. [TMZ, NY Daily News]
• "Jon on Father's Day: 'I Don't Know' Where Kate Is." [People]
• Is Jon Gosselin moving to NYC? [NY Daily News]
• Was Perez Hilton assaulted by Will.I.Am from the Black Eyed Peas? And if so, why did Perez use Twitter as a means of alerting the cops? Wouldn't a phone be quicker? [Digital Spy, TechCrunch]
• Will.I.Am has a video response, in which he says Perez was rude to Fergie and called Will a "faggot," and then fans went crazy. [Dipdive]
• A play-by-play of Evan Rachel Wood at a trapeze lesson. [The New Yorker]
• One of the cops who is under investigation for breaking into the home of the woman acting as a surrogate for Sarah Jessica Parker originally said he was trying to sell stuff to the National Enquirer, but now he says: "I'm not exactly sure. If the National Enquirer didn't have anything to do with this, then I publicly apologize." [TMZ]
• By the by, Sarah Jessica Parker has a new car but doesn't know how to turn the lights on. [Page Six]
• If Victoria Beckham had her breast implants reduced or removed so that she could be in Vogue, it's just another testament to the power of Anna Wintour. [Daily Mail]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty: Back on? [Daily Mail]
• Is Prince William shopping for a "Malibu honeymoon pad"? [Daily Express]
• When Prince William and Kate Middleton booked a vacation house, they used the names Mr. and Mrs. Smith. [Telegraph]
• Prince Harry's been hanging out with ex Chelsy Davy. [The Sun]
• Kanye and Amber are still "very happy and affectionate." [The Sun]
• According to this report, Foxy Brown was "pampered" during her stay at Rikers Island — she got meals in her cell, makeup and unlimited TV and phone use. [NY Post]
• Joel Madden says Nicole Richie's second pregnancy is "a lot easier" than the first: "You've already been through it and it's not as intense and dramatic. We're a little more relaxed. It's actually kind of nice." [People]
• Kelly Osbourne is working on a book called Fierce: "It's about all the major things girls go through before they turn 21," she explains. "It's 16 chapters where I explain what I did and where I went wrong, and then I offer professional advice on how to do things differently." Noted. [WWD]
• Here's a Father's Day column penned by Nicole Kidman, who says: "My father, Anthony, is a very good and decent man. He's Catholic, and he has a strong set of values based on religion, but which really come down to being a good person, being tolerant of other people, and doing unto others what you would wish them to do to you." [Daily Mail]
• Rachel Bilson is so close to Hayden Christensen's family, his grandmother calls her "my future granddaughter." [Page Six]
• Dennis Quaid and his wife have agreed to a $500,000 settlement with the hospital that nearly killed his newborn twins by overdosing them with blood thinner. [USA Today]
• Cloris Leachman filmed a guest spot for Jada Pinkett Smith's new show, Hawthorne: "I was a patient. I threw a bedpan at her. It was a very emotional part. I used the bedpan to show my feelings. I made use of it. I didn't USE it. Haha." [NY Mag]
• In this column for the Daily Fail, Simon Cowell writes about Britian's Got Talent: "I didn't get into show business to make little children cry or upset a nice lady like Susan Boyle… But the question remains: should we have done things differently?" [Daily Mail]
• From an interview with Emily Blunt: "When I mention [former love Michael] Bublé's name, I am treated to a stare that is so glacial it could freeze an ant at 500 paces. Is she seeing anyone at the moment? 'Weirdly enough, I'm going to pass on that. You know, apparently I'm seeing everyone. I think someone said I was dating Anne Hathaway in a story recently.'" [Guardian]
• In this article, Betty White and The Proposal director Anne Fletcher have tea and it turns into a "gigglefest." [NY Times]
• David Duchovny and Téa Leoni: Still in love. [People]
• Oh, crap: Peaches Geldof has been studying Scientology for nine months. [Mirror]
• "It's not really an internship. I'm just there for two weeks to see how it works," she said. "I'm listening to the editors, seeing what the fashion department does, what marketing does, what the photo department does. It's all over the place. "Everything is interesting… I really like the fashion department." — Tallulah Willis on her stint at Harper's Bazaar. [NY Mag]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony want Washington, D.C. to pay attention to their campaign to fight childhood obesity, especially among Latino kids. [US News & World Report]
• Kathy Hilton says she's not sad that her daughter Paris and Doug Reinhardt broke up: "Doug was riding Paris' coattails." [E!]
• Cristiano Ronaldo says of hanging out with Paris Hilton: "She was a really cool girl and we had a great time talking. I am a young man and Paris a young lady, and us talking in a club is just what normal people our age do." [The Sun]
• Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves: Expecting baby number two. [People]
• Twilight's Ashley Greene says she is not dating Adrian Grenier — they were just attending the same surfing event. Ashley says: "It's kind of annoying sometimes because I have been linked to so many guys, but I have been single forever!" [Us Magazine]
• Behind the scenes of the new Harry Potter movie! [Guardian]
• There are three country stars in bikinis on the cover of Shape and one of them, LeAnn Rimes, talks about being accused of stalking by Ediie Cibrian's wife: ""I feel like people are looking and pointing at me…" [People]
• Congrats to Rachel Griffiths, who recently gave birth to a baby girl, her third child. [People]
• Duran Duran: Working with Mark Ronson. [The Star]
• Mark Ronson and Perez Hilton have had a falling out, and Perez admits he is "petty." [Daily Express]
• Looking for a cute anecdote about Robert Redford and Paul Newman? Click the link. [Daily Express]
• "It is exactly the same - it doesn't make a difference whether it is a woman or a man. It is about a passionate relationship, it is good, intense and quite an unusual story." — Eva Greene, on playing a boarding school teacher who seduces one of her female students in upcoming film Cracks. [Mirror]
• "People think cameras follow you 24/7. It's really not like that. We have set hours, set days, just like any scripted show." — Denise Richards, on It's Complicated. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Q: Are there any women you would get it on with? "Agyness Deyn. She's a little punk-rock Lolita. Beautiful face, beautiful shoulders. I look at her and think, 'Ooh, I'm so turned on. What's happening?'" — Katy Perry. [Times Of London]
• "I would argue that as culturally diverse as L.A. is, and it's one of the most diverse places on the planet, it is shockingly segregated. And that's why I love New York so much and, on one level, San Francisco. You step out your door and you're swept up in a sea of humanity whether you want to be or not. You can stay in your car in L.A. and avoid anyone you want to." — Benjamin Bratt. [LA Times]
• "There are enough reality-TV stars out there who clearly want attention and fame. I personally don't think they know what they're getting into, but it's a very human instinct. I never wanted to be famous. I just wanted to act. So it's very odd. Here I am doing something that's a real actor thing to do and I'm being treated like a celebrity. I was going to take this year off from being a celebrity!" — Anne Hathaway, who is doing Shakespeare in the Park. [NY Mag]
• "She is there every waking moment of my life. It's always something. Things happen to me every single day. I will be in a tiny café and suddenly a version of "Over The Rainbow" will start to play." —Lorna Luft, on her mother, Judy Garland. [Daily Express]
• "Don't get me wrong — I am thankful for a round of antibiotics or surgery when necessary but I have been helped tremendously by the practices [of acupuncture and cupping] that help the body heal itself. When implemented by a professional with experience, the benefits can work wonders." — Gwyneth Paltrow's been flinging GOOP. [Daily Express]
• "Children have always responded to me because I have that cartoon-character look. I'm over-exaggerated and my voice is small and my name is Dolly and I'm kind of like a Mother Goose character. So I think that it's going to be a fun thing." — Dolly Parton, on her children's book, I Am A Rainbow. [Time]

• Madonna has flown a nanny and a nurse to Malawi to look after Mercy while adoption papers and visas are being arranged. The deal's not done and the kid already has an entourage! [The Sun]

• Newsworthy: Megan Fox wore a red dress with a slit up to there and no bra and says, "I'm currently what you would call single I guess." [The Sun]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown were both at Game 4 of the NBA finals in Orlando on Thursday, and Chris went over where Rihanna and her posse were sitting and shook hands with all of her friends. But Rihanna was at the game to see Magic forward Rashard Lewis, "whom she's currently crushing on." [Gatecrasher]
• Usher is singing "You make me wanna… file for divorce" to wife Tameka Foster. [NY Daily News]
• "Fragile Susan Boyle dramatically dropped out of the Britain's Got Talent tour yesterday." [The Sun]
• Officials say Susan Boyle's cancellation was just a "one-off rest day." [NY Post]
• SHOCKER: Jon and Kate did not spend their 10th wedding anniversary together. [NY Daily News]
• As previously mentioned, Bruce Willis' daughter Tallulah is an intern at Bazaar, but the Post points out that since she's 15 and unpaid, it's in violation of federal labor laws. Bazaar clarifies: "Tallulah is a guest of Harper's Bazaar, shadowing our editors for a couple of weeks." [Page Six]
• Behold: Bruce Willis and new wife in some kind of "fetishistic shoot." She seems to be wearing those ankle-wrenching Nina Ricci shoes; he seems to be wearing very little. Won't someone think of the 15-year-old intern??? [NY Post]
• "BRAD PITT GOES ON ART BUYING BINGE." Well, he bought one painting. [Page Six]
• Brad Pitt's brother Doug has announced that the The Brad Pitt family is donating $1 million to establish an endowment fund to pay cancer specialists at St. John's hospital in Springfield , MO — the the center will be renamed St. John's Jane Pitt Pediatric Cancer Center in honor of their mother. [News-Leader]
• Lady GaGa dyes her dark hair blonde because she was once mistaken for Amy Winehouse: "Amy is a badass but I want to be known for my own look." Oh, you are, dear. You are. [The Sun]
• Dolly Parton in a Girl Scouts uniform! [Star Tribune]
• Prince Harry is pining for ex Chelsy Davy and told a friend, "I lost the best thing that ever happened to me." New love interest Caroline Flack doesn't have enough Ys in her name, so she's out of the picture. [The Sun]
• Re: Chaz Bono's sex change: The only regret? He wishes he had done it sooner. [TMZ]
• Three words: Octomom The Musical. [People]
• The new Miss California USA, Tami Farrell, says: "I'm trying my best to kind of calm the waters… I think that everything in life happens for a reason, and I'm just blessed to have this opportunity." These statements were made while she was attending the Playboy Jazz Festival at the Hollywood Bowl. Obviously. [CNN]
• Kelly Preston is in a PSA promoting healthy food for kids; you can watch it at the link. [People]
• Even though she's on tour with No Doubt, Gwen Stefani says: "My priorities are always going to be my husband and my family now. That's a huge, huge thing." [NY Daily News]
• SCANDAL: Justin "I'm A Mac" Long doesn't have an iPhone. [Page Six]
• Check out this silly interview with Shawn Wayans and his nephews, who are responsible for Dance Flick. Among Shawn's quips: "Obama is a superhero, man… Obama takes his kids to school and then he goes to work and saves the economy." [NY Times]
• Paul McCartney thinks you should go vegetarian at least once a week, to help the environment. Hence: Meat Free Monday. What's it gonna be tonight, folks? Mac and cheese? Falafel? Ice cream sundaes? [Telegraph]
• Sarah Silverman has a book of "autobiographical essays" coming out next April. [Page Six]
• Morgan Freeman is being sued for negligence regarding that horrible car crash last August; he denies the allegations. [E!]
• Though she stopped receiving treatment for anal cancer about a month ago, Farrah Fawcett's condition has not changed; she is still "stable." [Fox News]
• Does Sharon Osbourne owe $23,363.16 in California State taxes? [TMZ]
• Dennis Quaid has been cast as Bill Clinton in The Special Relationship, a film about the former president and Tony Blair — and Quaid's been "encouraged" to gain about 25 pounds. "It's Dennis's worst nightmare," says a source. "He is really health-conscious, but has been asked to follow the same diet as Clinton and gorge himself on Big Macs and Coca-Cola." The horror. [Telegraph]
• "Nine years, 18 seasons and 15 iterations of wilderness later, Survivor host Jeff Probst is a man of simple needs: A shower to call his own and a movie theater within driving distance." The ultimate Survivor? [LA Times]
• Tracey Ullman's show, State Of The Union, is available on Showtime in the US, but the BBC won't buy it. [Daily Express]
• Oh, dear: Those people suing Miley Cyrus for defaming Asians in her "slanty eye" picture got a judge who uses the word "orientals." Obviously they want him off the case. [TMZ]
• A lawsuit filed against Michael Jackson won't stop his comeback tour in London. [MSNBC]
• "The amusement-park rides, elephants and orangutans have been hauled away… Bats hang over the doorway to the building that housed Mr. Jackson's private arcade; guano stains the threshold." — from an update on the property known as Neverland, once the home of Michael Jackson. [WSJ]
• In a conversation with David Cross, he reveals that he has a publicist for the first time ever — at the urging of his girlfriend Amber Tamblyn; he has a book coming out in August,; and, he says: Alvin and the Chipmunks paid me more than all my other projects combined." He just finished the sequel. [LA Times]
• Katie "Jordan" Price on husband Peter Andre: "He's treating our split like a publicity stunt to relaunch his career." [Mirror]
• Hundreds of mourners gathered at a funeral for David Carradine in Hollywood on Saturday; music included The Beatles' "Let It Be" and Ludwig von Beethoven's "Requiem for a Fallen Hero." [AP]
• Oooh, Ghostbusters: Where Are They Now? [NY Daily News]
• John Amos, known for his roles in Roots, The West Wing and as the dad in Good Times, debuted his country single, "We Were Hippies," as part of the 2009 CMA Music Week in Nashville. [UPI]
• Did you know that David Bowie has a 38-year-old son, Duncan Jones? And did you know that he directed the new Sam Rockwell flick, Moon? [Patricia Glassop, the mother of late INXS singer Michael Hutchence says she hasn't seen her son's only daughter in years — Tiger Lily, 12, is being raised by Sir Bob Geldof, who is responsible for the ladies known as Peaches and Pixie. "Bob hasn't exactly been a role model in the parenting stakes when you look at the behavior of Peaches and Pixie. Glassop says: "Bob hasn't exactly been a role model in the parenting stakes when you look at the behavior of Peaches and Pixie." Ouch! [This Is London]
• "If you're going to be an actress you can't be coy. Breasts are sexy. I want to see them and audiences want to see them. I've had to do my fair share of it. If you're going to be an actress or a model it's usually part of the package. Men don't have to worry because their private parts don't make pleasant viewing, she thinks. "We don't want to see willies because they're ugly. We want to see breasts because they're beautiful." — Rachel Ward, whom you may have seen in The Thorn Birds. [Daily Express]
• "I stand by what I said. They did copy my song but I don't think they did it on purpose. I have even copied myself without even knowing I have done it. I'll write down what I think is a good melody and realise it's the same as something I have already done. I don't want them to think I am angry with them. I'd love to sit down and have a cup of tea with them and let them know it's okay." — Yusuf Islam, aka Cat Stevens, on Coldplay. [Daily Express]
• "If any of you have a project entitled Everlasting Love With an Adult Stable Male, I'm at table 6 and my agents are at table 12!" — Jennifer Aniston, joking about her single status at an awards dinner. [E!]
• "Christina is basically a woman with a God complex that's really going to have to, like, get real. She's going to have to learn to take care of herself as intensely as the patients." — Jada Pinkett Smith, on her character in Hawthorne, who is the only African-American woman to carry an hour-long drama (along with Jill Scott in The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency) since 1974. [NY Times]
• "It's dangerous to bring this up, I talked about him in an interview not long ago, saying that I still love him, and he was like, 'Please stop talking about it.'" — Sienna Miller on Jude Law. [Mirror via Vogue]
• "In some ways, I was waiting for that cyclical swing back. Everything has a time and a space. I feel like something's changing. Especially when Amy Winehouse came out, I'm talking to 17-year-olds that I know, and they're freaking out about her. That's when I thought, things are getting fresh." — singer Maxwell, on his return. [WWD]
• "Amanda's such a hot mess that it's a dream to play her, although now of course people assume I'm a bitch in real life, when I'm actually the least intimidating person around. I sometimes wish I could channel Amanda. I was in a store the other day and the cashier was mean to me. I felt like doing an Amanda and shouting, 'Listen, maybe you should learn to dress better!' but I just couldn't." — Becki Newton, who plays Amanda Tanen on Ugly Betty. [Daily Mail]
• "Family life revolves around Elizabeth. If we decided to go on holiday, the first questions are: can Elizabeth go? Will she be okay? Will she have fun? That's the way it's always been, and that's just fine by me." — Eva Longoria on her 42-year-old sister, who has Down Syndrome but is "highly functional" and graduated high school and is now a special education teacher. [Daily Mail]
• "I was Cornish Gamehen for a while, which was bizarre. But for the last couple years, I have been Meryl Inch — however, there is too much of a debacle going on there these days to continue that. So I have to come up with something creative." — Mandy Moore, on what name she uses when she checks into a hotel. [CNN]
• "Reality is an elusive seductress. I like watching her hips move." — Tori Amos. [Times Of London]

• Just what you always wanted: Heidi Montag has posed for the September issue of Playboy:

Here is the obligatory quote about how classy it is: "There is nudity. It's tasteful – she had a lot of fun with it," says a source. [People]

• Wait, what? Rihanna and Chris Brown requested seats together at the NBA Finals game in Orlando, Florida. Some kind of carefully orchestrated show of support?!?!?! [ET]
• Oh, no: This report states that Rihanna and Chris Brown did not sit together. [Page Six]
• Madonna's adoption appeal: Approved. She's in the process of working out the details and getting Mercy to New York. [BBC News, Daily News, People]
• Kristin Davis says of the Sex And The City sequel: "I haven't read the actual script yet; we're supposed to get it this week." But she says some of the characters known for Manolos and martinis might be feeling the sting of the recession: "I don't think we are totally switching to a new shoe brand, but there are definitely some effects of the economic situation that will be felt, but I don't know if [the consequences will be felt] across the board or specific to certain characters." [WWD]
• Kanye West and Chanel Iman: Seen getting cozy. [Page Six]
• Kanye West is also into Lady GaGa: "I'm into her style. It's hot right now. I mean, I'm a guy - so obviously I'm into her." Guess what? they're going on tour together! [Daily News]
• Kanye West performed for 3,000 teens in his hometown of Chicago at an event for the Kanye West Foundation, a nonprofit working to decrease dropout rates and improve literacy. It was co-founded by Kanye's late mother, who worked in education for years. The kids who got to see Kanye were students who had improved their grades and attendance; Chicago has a 50% dropout rate. [MSNBC]
• Were the Usher divorce reports just a rumor? His wife doesn't seem to know anything about it ,and there's no record of him filing… yet. But also, his wife hasn't spoken to him "in a few days." [TMZ]
• According to this report, Usher hasn't filed for divorce yet, but a clerk with Cobb County Superior Court in Georgia says, "we had a telephone conversation last week with an attorney asking how to file for them." Why the divorce? One source rails: "Tameka is crazy. His mother didn't even go to their wedding because she didn't approve!" [Gatecrasher]
• BREAKING: Anne Hathaway upstaged by raccoon. [Page Six]
• Sonny Bono's widow — Congresswoman Mary Bono — says she "loves and supports Chaz" — meaning Chastity Bono, who is transitioning from female to male. [TMZ]
• Did Chastity Bono's rep want cash for her sex change story? [National Enquirer]
• Even though Kate Winslet said "it's very tempting to have a nanny and live in a gated community," her rep clarifies: "'She has a part-time nanny." [Daily Mail]
• Doug Reinhardt's rep released a statement about his relationship with Paris Hilton, which reads: "Doug refuses to take part of this ridiculous media circus. He wishes Paris and all of her future boyfriends the best of luck." All together now: Oh. Snap. [TMZ]
• Paris Has already moved on, to Madrid Real soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo, who is what is technically referred to as a serious hottie. [Page Six]
• This story about a late mortician accused of misusing burial funds is "notable" because the estranged wife of the man, J. Jeffrey Fretti, is named Tamara, and she is the sister of Katie Holmes. [Toledo Blade]
• When it comes to dating someone much older, Evan Rachel Wood, 21, who was with Marilyn Manson, 40, says: "I don't think it works. I think it's a bad idea. I think as long as you learn from it - good or bad experience - it's an experience, and you should take something away from it." Of the new Woody Allen film Whatever Works, Evan says: "I spoke to Larry [David] about it and told him if the relationship went any further sexually I wouldn't have done the movie... That's one of the things that I liked about the relationship in the movie; it never crosses that line or gets creepy." [Daily Express]
• Wow. According to this article, "Before [Jada Pinkett Smith's new show] Hawthorne and HBO's The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency debuted a few months ago (starring Jill Scott), it had been 35 years since an African-American woman was the lead in a TV drama." [Newsweek]
• Even though Carrie Prejean has been telling everyone she and her new boobs were offered Playboy, insiders say there was never an offer on the table. Hmm. [Extra]
• A "select band of Los Angeles wordsmiths," Lab Twenty6, has refused to let Peaches Geldof join their discussion group. [The Sun]
• Joy Behar rarely leaves her neighborhood. So what? [NY Mag]
• Eva Mendes got all verklempt while discussing her work with The Art of Elysium, an organization that encourages working actors, artists and musicians to voluntarily dedicate their time and talents to children battling serious medical conditions. Thank God for waterproof mascara," she sniffed. [WWD]
• Katie "Jordan" Price bought a horse, which this paper claims "will ease the pain of her split with hubby Peter Andre." [The Sun]
• Weird: Someone is trying to form a group called New Kids On The Block. So the real New Kids On The Block are suing. [TMZ]
• Singer Nivea Hamilton and model Lauren London are both pregnant by rapper Lil Wayne. For some reason we thought he reproduced when you spilled water on him? [Perez]
• Amy Poehler will star in Lunch Lady, a flick based on a children's graphic novel series — titles include Lunch Lady and the League of Librarians and Lunch Lady and the Cyborg Substitute, both of which are due this summer. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Matt Damon might play Lance Armstrong in a biopic. Do we approve? [Mirror]
• "DJ Jazzy Jeff says his weekend performance in Kansas City was stopped because of censorship, not race." [AP]
• Blind item! "Which very married actor had a flirtatious folly with a gay hairdresser?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Those are two very different communities, but something they both share is love of celebration. My relationship with the gay community is long-standing and loyal, and I love them very much. I consider my music to be very gay, and I love that it is gay." — Lady GaGa on being embraced by the gay and hip-hop "communities." [USA Today]
• "She's just a great, crazy character who is psychologically complex, a textbook sociopath. But she's charming and seemingly sweet, even when she does really bad things. Who wouldn't want to play a character like that?" — Gina Gershon, on playing socialite Pat Allanson in the Lifetime mobie Everything She Ever Wanted. [USA Today]
• "[I] will sometimes hold off on the insulin, which will jack my blood sugar level up to the low 200 range. It's like how a prizefighter will want to go into the ring with his blood sugar levels high. It gives you the stamina of a bull. So, yes, sometimes I will endanger my own life to pleasure a woman." — Bret Michaels. [Perez]
• "Music is about listening not looking. That's why I wore these huge baggy dresses on stage with The Cranberries… I basically had the wrong kind of love and attention around me. I lived six years in a bus with strangers, touring the world with the band, seeing the insides of hotels. I lost touch with my friends. I was lonely all that time. I went nuts I was so lonely. These were days before mobile phones so I had to find a phonebox just to talk to my parents. I lost a lot of my youth." — from a worthwhile interview with Dolores O'Riordan. [Independent]
• Yeah, we played [brother and sister], but at least we're not related in real life! Good God! I thought it would be creepy for him, but it's not." — Evan Rachel Wood on dating former Once and Again costar Shane West. [NY Daily News]
• "Being nice and adorable isn't funny. I enjoyed being a bitch. Everyone does. They are always better written and it's a relief… Then they said, 'Here's this woman director we like, Anne Fletcher. Can she come and meet you?' I met her and within five minutes, she said the word 'vagina,' and I'm like (her voice rising giddily), 'I love her.' " — Sandra Bullock, on why she wanted to do The Proposal. [USA Today]
• "I may never hear that word 'mom.' But being a parent is not about breeding. It's about caring. And it's easy to say, but it's harder to do. When you don't have that title, you flounder and it hurts. But this is the best test of being a parent. And I just have to keep reminding myself I don't care what I get. I care what I give." — Sandra Bullock, on being a stepmom. [USA Today]
• "I get more naked this season than I did last season. We have a really great crew and everyone's really respectful. It's not an issue for me… [But] I work my ass off. I'm very careful about what I eat, and I work out a lot. My costume entails bathing suits, short-shorts and nude scenes, come on! I don't want to be perpetuating the myth that women actually do look exactly like the way they look in magazines and on television through absolutely no effort!" — Anna Paquin on True Blood. [E!]

• Shanna Moakler, Co-Executive Director of the Miss California Organization, has confirmed that the pageant paid for Miss California Carrie Prejean's breast implants.

Moakler also says Miss California is not speaking to her right now. But she doesn't want Miss California stripped of her crown: "I don't want to fire her! I think she's a great, young girl, and I got into pageants, because I want to help young girls. I want to guide young girls. I know what pageants [did] for me and I know what it can do for young women and also working within the community." Uh-huh. Sure. Moakler also says: "I don't want to fire Carrie. I want her to use her platform, because this is her platform, I didn't know she was this passionate about it… I'm glad I know now and I support and will help her, but…" [Access Hollywood]

• Sarah Jessica Parker is talking about the twins she is expecting (through a surrogate): "It's been a complicated past few weeks… My main concern is that my husband and son [James Wilkie, now 6 years old] have enough time. Hopefully, our son is feeling loved and taken care of." [Gatecrasher]
• Don't speak! No Doubt reunites tomorrow for its first live performance in five years… on the Today show. So rock and roll. [NY Daily News]
• Chief Justice Lovemore Munlo of Malawi will lead a panel in Madonna's appeal case; Madge wants to overturn the court's decision to reject her application to adopt 3-year-old Mercy. Her Madgesty is not required to attend the hearing on May 4. Think she'll make an appearance? [People]
• The Daily Fail spoke to Mercy's biological father, who has never MET Mercy, but says: "She is my daughter; she is my blood; she needs parental love. She is not an orphan. She lost one parent, yes, but I am still alive and so she is not an orphan. Madonna has millions of dollars but that doesn't make her a good mum. Parental love is more than money. Besides, I don't think Madonna is a model mum. I have seen her in movies of her songs. She doesn't portray good morals. How can a woman of 50 dance almost naked on stage? I wouldn't want my daughter to grow up like that! In Malawi women respect themselves. Cultured women do not go about half-naked." It goes on, but you get the point. [Daily Mail, NY Post]
• Meanwhile, Madonna is looking for a place in the Hamptons, but the peeps in the Hamptons seem to think she may be a pain in the ass. [Page Six]
• So remember the report that claimed Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's bodyguard was writing a tell-all book? He says: "No, no, no. I'm not writing a tell-all book. I don't know where this story came from. It's not true." Dammit! [MSNBC via Life & Style]
• Rihanna's father sounds absolutely overjoyed when he says: "[Rihanna is] a different person, back to herself. It's like Chris never existed. She seems reborn. She's realizing how precious life is." [MSNBC]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, wants to sue sources from In Touch magazine who claim she was a stripper. "I've never even met a stripper in my life," she says. [MSNBC]
• Bottoms up: Justin Timberlake's new tequila, 901, is "actually a really nice product," says a "tequila geek" and bar owner. "It has a nice richness to it, a full-body mouth feel, a nice finish." That's what she said? [NY Daily News]
• In this article, entertainment professionals and insiders list nine things Lindsay Lohan should do to save her career. Examples: do some charity work, develop self-discipline, focus. [NY Daily News]
• Uh-oh: Paula Abdul was "totally fooled" by Bruno, the character Sacha Baron Cohen plays in his upcoming flick. [Page Six]
• Spotted: Ryan Gosling having dinner with a "mystery model." [Page Six]
• Heidi Klum says Susan Boyle could be a good Project Runway guest. "She could be a good challenge." Is that a compliment? [E!]
• Early reviews for Wolverine are not good; critics call it "noisy and impersonal" and "silly and typical" and "a keen disappointment." However. Everyone will see it anyway and it will surely win the box office and be a "hit." [Reuters]
• Hugh Hefner says he does not want Holly Madison to be his girlfriend again. "The notion that I would want her back as a girlfriend is bizarre. I am now in one of the best relationships in memory with Crystal Harris and the twins. I'm not going to screw it up with former girlfriends." [E!]
• Prison Break star Lane Garrison went from prison to Jessica Simpson's house. He says "I'm blessed to be alive." Garrison was incarcerated for 19 months for a DUI crash that killed one person; Jessica's father Joe was his youth minister in Texas, so he's close to the fam. [E!]
• Top Gun star Kelly McGillis has come out: She is a lesbian. She says her next partner would "definitely be a woman." And: "I'm done with the man thing. It's a part of being true to yourself. That's been a challenge for me personally." [This Is London]
• Usher is allowing the Boys and Girls Club of America to use a childhood photo of him in their ad campaign. He looks cute! [USA Today]
• Simon Cowell's first gig in showbiz was to polish the axe Jack Nicholson used in The Shining. Apropos? [The Sun]
• Unauthorized Diana Ross biography: In the works. Guess what? She's being painted as "ambitious." THE SCANDAL. [Variety]
• Do we like this picture of Chelsea Handler with a man between her legs? [E!]
• Tony Blair, Kate Winslet and other celebs have contributed to a book of butterfly pictures compiled in memory of a young woman who died from leukemia. [Telegraph]
• "Jailed Jack Tweed [widow of Jade Goody] turned tail and ran from the showers in prison - after THREE encounters with naked gay star Boy George." [The Sun]
• Redmond O'Neal — son of Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal — pleaded not guilty yesterday to the felony charge that he brought drugs to jail. [ET]
• A settlement has been reached in the defamation lawsuit filed against Dr. Phil by a witness in O.J. Simpson's robbery case. [AP]
• Blind item: "Which starlet's constant state of inebriation is causing problems in her marriage? Her hubby hates having to physically remove her from nightclubs." [Gatecrasher]
• "CSI will beat the hell out of him." — CEO of Viacom and CBS, Sumner Redstone, on Jay Leno having a show on at 10pm. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• "I don't think it's irrelevant because I am sure there are still people out there who are living it up… I think the show is taken for what it is — it's a piece of entertainment and that's the value and that's the worth." — Ed Westwick, on Gossip Girl. [Mirror]
• "The worst thing about Ricky as a director is that if something is funny at all and it was improvisational, he breaks and laughs and ruins your take. I would say, 'It's your movie. Just leave, go in another room. Let me just do it.' He's like, 'Just do it again.' I said, 'Ricky, it's not the same. You suck.' But he knew exactly what he wanted." — Jennifer Garner on working with Ricky Gervais in The Invention Of Lying. [The Star]
• "It's got to be the right story. You can't make The Dark Knight and then come out with something disappointing. The fact is I have to. Chris doesn't. So I'm in a fix if he says he doesn't want to." — Christian Bale, concerned that director Chris Nolan has yet to sign on for another Batman flick. (Bale is contractually obligated to star in a third movie.) [Daily Express]
• Q:You're featured on the gossip website Gawker all the time. Do websites like that annoy you? A: "No, I'm not somebody who reads about what I'm actually up to that week - which usually they get wrong. Maybe you can pass the word on to anybody who reads these sites or who sees their kids on them that most of the time these people are making stuff up. If people want to really know what's up with me then they can read one of my interviews." — Chuck Bass, ahem, Ed Westwick. [Guardian]
• "I've had my garbage stolen… I think tabloid journalism has become so pervasive is that it gives people the chance to feel better about themselves in a slightly sick way. A lot of it is 'Stars are just like us! They have cellulite and bad eating habits and drug problems!' There are a lot of celebrities that are more than happy to share every last detail about their lives until there's no mystery left whatsoever." — Ryan Reynolds. [USA Today]
• "I'm doing my part to save the planet. You know that new Aston Martin Vantage? I didn't buy it. You're welcome, Earth!" — Jon Hamm. [Gatecrasher]
• "It has truly never been my intention to be a performer, and I think it's probably best that I stop performing pretty soon and start writing. [Acting] is like a big red herring. I kind of want to stop it, really." — Tilda Swinton would rather be a poet. [The Daily Beast]
• "We look around. We see what we want. Don't you look around and see what you want to look like? I'm, like, look, Michelle Obama's guns. I could have those arms. I don't know about the legs." — Kirstie Alley, to Oprah. [People]

• Lindsay Lohan's "post-breakup makeover" involved getting her hair dyed red and getting a tattoo. [People]
• This column calls Lindsay a "celebutard" who is "painfully thin" and "in the middle of an emotional meltdown." [NY Post]

• Madonna is planning to build a home in Malawi. Hmm, maybe if she becomes a resident, she can adopt? [The Sun]
• Buffy is gonna be a mommy! Sarah Michelle Gellar and hubs Freddie Prinze Jr. are expecting their first child in the fall. [People]
• Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag will get married (again?) on April 25 in Pasadena, CA. A "source" says: "This will be the real wedding. It's being filmed as the season finale for The Hills." So that thing in Mexico was a stunt for Us Weekly? [E!]
• Farrah Fawcett has been released from the hospital "in great spirits." [People]
• This story claims: "Sales of dog food have rocketed in Europe after Hollywood stars Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson ate some on a German TV show. Budget-conscious Swiss families are tucking into tins of the stuff rather than buying more expensive dishes." [The Sun]
• Drew Barrymore on playing Edie in Grey Gardens: "People who say this is exploitative are bullshit. Anyone who is a naysayer should pull a stick out of their you know what. You know? Get a heart and get into the art and the life and celebrate with us all; don't be on the other side-it's really not fun over there." [The Daily Beast]
• During the Oscars, Amy Adams was thinking about the mall where she worked after high school: "I just was so reflective the whole evening on how I came to be sitting in that room. At one point my fiancé was like, 'You feel distant.' And I said, 'I am! I can't even talk to you!' I was there at the Oscars thinking, What if I never left the Gap?" [W Magazine]
• Here's the first graph of a Miley Cyrus profile: "Miley Cyrus prepared for April 3, an average workday, by reading the Bible—a few chapters of Job—and ended it by telling a ribald joke as she walked off camera at Access Hollywood. In between she had a casting session for her next movie, The Last Song, written specially for her by weepie king Nicholas Sparks; was interviewed four times; performed twice; changed outfits twice; and visited the Tonight Show's make-your-own-sundae bar once. When she left the NBC lot at 6:30 p.m., she still had to do her homework." [Time]
• Kevin Federline was seen chain-smoking for 20 minutes outside of a TGIFriday's while his girlfriend Victoria Prince sat inside by herself, fuming. Ah, l'amour. [E!]
• Clive Owen's daughter introduced him to her "half-boyfriend." "She tells me, 'Dad... I share him with a friend.' I still feel awful thinking about it." [Daily Express]
• Five seconds after Snoop Dogg learned how to stream live video from his home computer to his Twitter page, his first order of business was to light up a blunt and smoke it. Clearly. [TMZ]
• Why is someone spreading the rumor that Snoop Dogg has the dead body of his wife in his basement? [TMZ]
• Here is an in-depth review of Tori Spelling's new book, Mommywood, should you feel inclined. The title seems ill-conceived, no? Or like slang for the boner a MILF gives a dude? [CC2K]
• Michael Jackson is going to rent a little place while he's in the UK for his O2 concerts: It's a 28-bedroom manor on eight acres with an underground movie theater, indoor swimming pool and private lake. [Daily Mail]
• The daughter of Jennifer Saunders, from Absolutely Fabulous, says "I've never been Saffy." Well, duh. Instead she is a folk singer. [Daily Mail]
• Uh-oh: Sinbad and Dionne Warwick are on the list of California tax evaders. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Blind item! "Which sensual singer tells his girlfriends that although he's straight, he still receives oral pleasure from other men - then fumes when they suggest he's bisexual?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Due to the unfounded and ugly rumors that have appeared in the papers over the last few days, I felt they shouldn't pass without comment. Patti and I have been together for 18 years – the best 18 years of my life. We have built a beautiful family we love and want to protect and our commitment to one another remains as strong as the day we were married." —Bruce Springsteen, on the state of his marriage. Although it doesn't exactly read like a denial of an affair. [People]
• "Is Bethenny a socialite? No. Will she ever sit next to Lauren duPont? No. Is she best friends with Aerin Lauder? No. Am I? No. Do I care? No. Does she? Oh, absolutely. She's not authentic. All she does is sit there and cry all the time. I'm like, 'You're crying about guys? …shut up.'" — Kelly Killoren Bensimon, of the Real Housewives of New York City [Harper's Bazaar via Page Six
• "It sucked when I was goin' into the jail, and once I got in jail it became enjoyable again because there were some real fun cellmates. We were singin' songs." — Matthew McConaughey on being busted for possession of mary jane back in 1999. [Men's Journal via MSNBC Scoop]
• "At one point, I really started freaking out. I couldn't sleep, and [the director] was chasing me around with food, telling me that the prosthetics weren't fitting me and I was swimming in my fat suit, which was really ironic. I was miserable in my room just typing these manifestos [in my journal] but one day, I'll have them to look back on and see that I stuck with it and I'll be glad to know I had that level of discipline." — Drew Barrymore, on being immersed in her Grey Gardens character. [WSJ]
• "Marriage and babies? Please. I want to be illegal. I want to live outside the mainstream. These awful middle-class queens-which is what the gay movement has become-are so tiresome. It's all Abercrombie & Fitch and strollers. Everybody has the right to do what they want to do, but still... And I think this surrogacy thing is crap. It is utterly hideous. I think it's egocentric and vain. These endless IVF treatments people go through. I mean, if you are meant to have babies, then great. But this whole idea of two gay guys filling a cocktail shaker with their sperm and impregnating some grim lesbian and then it gets cut out is just really weird. If I did have the impulse to be a parent, I would adopt-or foster. But this whole thing of forcing the idea of parenthood and marriage on us gay men is so bogus." — Rupert Everett. [The Daily Beast]
• "Suddenly, you're the elder in the group. I have been doing this a long time, 25 years now. It's nice to feel that you're still relevant. People like Carol Burnett, Gilda Radner and Lily Tomlin were my role models. America always had really good, strong women in comedy. I love that." — Tracey Ullman, whose second season of State of the Union premieres Sunday on Showtime. [USA Today]
• "Until the banks get fixed, there is no other issue. I think this public-private partnership of [Treasury secretary Timothy] Geithner's will be effective. Evidently, the time for debating nationalization or backing the banks — which I thought would have been smart, just to say we're backing the banks, but I guess that would have made folks uncomfortable — has passed. So the private sector is in a pretty good spot here. Truth is, it's mostly, and maybe this is just a cover, us buying back our own bad paper from ourselves, but incenting [is that a word? -Ed.]the private sector to invest by giving them an incredibly good deal, if you believe, like Geithner seems to, that prices are only artificially depressed and really have much more value than what you can get for them now. But despite what you've read about me in the tabloids, I'm not an economist. But I do worry about what value all of these bad assets people keep talking about will have in the long term." — Ben Affleck, who plays a politician in State Of Play and did research by meeting with representatives like Anthony Weiner, Adam Smith, Rahm Emanuel, and Patrick Murphy. [WSJ]

• Being on vacation with Amy Winehouse must be relentlessly entertaining:

She was apparently told she couldn't sunbathe au naturale, so she whipped off her bikini top and streaked through the resort in St. Lucia, waving her arms in the air. She told you she was trouble! [Daily Mail]

• The family of Mercy James, the Malawian child Madonna would like to adopt, are on Madonna's side. Mercy's uncle says the guy who claims to be Mercy's biological dad "didn't care about his girlfriend, Mercy's mother, when she needed him most. He didn't even come to see his baby." [The Sun]
• Madonna was overheard telling people: I can't believe I'm leaving my beautiful baby behind. It's not right. I love that baby girl. She's my little girl - she needs to be with me." A judge disagrees, your Madgesty! [MSNBC]
• Chris Brown was in court yesterday, and he pleaded not guilty to two felony counts. His next court date is a preliminary hearing on April 29. [Rolling Stone]
• Some are "surprised" that Chris Brown pleaded not guilty? Really? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Rihanna was not in court, but her lawyer was, and he said her feelings about the case are that she would be happy if "it were over quickly." [TMZ]
• The latest on Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, according to LL: "We are taking a brief break so I can focus on myself." But, uh, she banned you from her party and changed the locks, right? [E!]
• Sam Ronson's family is hoping that Sam will not get back together with Lindsay. Ouch! [People]
• Courtney Love is about to sue a whole mess of people: She finally realized that whomever had been handling Kurt Cobain's estate lost millions of dollars. It's not her fault she didn't look into this sooner, she was high, okay? [Page Six]
• Cops in Costa Rica are investigating the security team hired by Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen since they, you know, open fired on photographers, which doesn't seem very legal. [NY Post]
• Gisele wore Galliano, by the by. [People]
• Howard K. Stern will not cut a deal with the D.A. in the Anna Nicole Smith drug case and is expected to plead not guilty. He'll be in court today. [TMZ]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Britney Spears might take her Circus tour to Australia. [E!]
• Of the items being moved out of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's London home, the mattress is not surprising; the dinosaur, the large horse and surfboard are. Gwynnie's moving to NYC; Chris is going on tour. [Daily Mail]
• Speaking of Chris Martin, Coldplay is denying that it copied Joe Satriani's music for "Viva La Vida." [Breitbart]
• Oh dear: Scarlett Johansson has reportedly been working out with Gwyneth's trainer, Tracy Anderson. She's already lost 14 pounds and now she's off carbs. Is she prepping for Iron Man 2 or just joining the brigade of stick thin stars? [The Sun]
• Did a reporter set up a fake charity and trick Heather Mills into dishing dirt on Paul McCartney? [ABC News]
• Zac Efron's mom stuffed hi stocking with condoms last Christmas and his dad gave him some speech about protection at some point so maybe the point is you won't see Zac as a young baby daddy any day soon. [E!]
• The woman who was saved from committing suicide by Demi Moore and "the Twitter community" says "I'm eternally grateful to her for helping me." [RadarOnline]
• Why aren't people donating to Prince Harry's African charity? Donations have dropped a whopping 84%. [Telegraph]
• Jennifer Garner will star in Butter, a flick that's a political satire set in the small-town world of competitive butter-sculpting. Yeah. Butter. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Ru-roh: Pamela Anderson's boyfriend was in a kite-surfing accident in Hawaii. Luckily, he escaped serious injury and didn't need C.J. to run into the water with a red floaty thing. [Daily Express]
• Kylie Minogue took her new man to meet her parents and they found him to be "charming and witty." Good sign. [Daily Express]
• Buddhist and friend of the Dalai Lama Richard Gere attended a "Mind and Life" conference in Dharamsala, India on Monday. [Hindustan Times]
• Dennis Rodman was thrown out of a West Hollywood hotel after "slapping and groping" female guests. He needs to learn how to ask nicely when he wants to borrow a dress. [TMZ]
• The Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation received a gift from the estate of the late Luther Vandross; the amount of the gift was not disclosed. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which Grammy-winning rapper can't get enough weed? She orders from a NYC delivery service non-stop, then tries to sweet-talk the courier into giving her free bags of ganja." [Gatecrasher]
• "He's certainly not the buffoon he looks like. This is the most amazing thing I found out about him. I was once staying at a hotel, and I was in the room directly under his. He is an amazing fuck — and you can quote me on this. The screams coming from the woman were some of the purest sounds of pleasure I'd ever heard." — Rupert Everett on Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter. [Page Six via The Daily Beast]
• "Casey grew up in one of the richest families in New York, and she grew up without any responsibilities or any boundaries. And so, for her, it was very important to do something where there were laws and where your morals counted. I was very much into the idea of doing something I hadn't done before. This is a show about cops. Our show is very grounded in the sense of the crappy things that happen to you are funny. That's how you deal with them and get through life." — Amber Tamblyn, on her character in new show The Unusuals. [USA Today]
• "I don't know Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawke wanted to do some kind of superficial Rolling Stone article. And he did everything he could to make his story the greatest story ever in Rolling Stone. And it was a fictitious (expletive) lie. O.K? He didn't even call me by my name. ... He called Norah Jones, Ray Charles, everybody else by name. Willie (Nelson), Kris (Kristofferson). Why didn't he call my name? Why didn't he say Toby Keith walked through and said this (expletive)? Right? You know why. You know why. You know as good as anybody why. He didn't want to (expletive) deal with the aftermath." — Toby Keith. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "The pilot script showed up, and I stalked [producer Alan Ball] until he said yes. The morning I showed up for work after going blonde, everyone was very relieved." — Anna Paquin on playing Sookie Stackhouse in True Blood. [Vanity Fair]
• "We were on the set, and the two firefighters that work here, I overheard them talking about, 'Yeah, you know, if I'd known I could measure from the pubic bone… And they were talking about a cock-measuring contest.' And I go, 'That's going in the show.'" — Denis Leary on Rescue Me. [The Daily Beast]
• "I'm crying for two and a half hours straight. And then you leave the stage door and people are like, 'Can we take your picture?' And I'm thinking, 'I've never looked worse.' I need a lot of eye cream." — Lauren Ambrose, on her role in the play Exit The King. [WWD]
• "Combs have been on the scene ever since humans had hair on his head. which is quite sometime? The date perhaps goes beyond the time of the old stone age. Man being man and not a lion would
  not be content to let his mane run wild and free. So he had to find some ways to tame it. First on the list of combing operations must have been the use of fingers. So in a way the fingers are the first combs of history. Today, combs are universal and no corner of the globe is without it." — Your friend Kanye West. [Jossip]

• Gisele Bundchen married Tom Brady again, this time in Costa Rica. They first got hitched in the U.S. in February. These days you can't be a celebrity and not have two or three ceremonies. [Breitbart, Mirror]

• Oh! But! There was gunfire at Gisele's wedding: Bodyguards shot at paparazzi. No one was injured, but the back window on an SUV was shattered. Says one snapper: "I could have lost my life for the sale of some pictures that Gisele didn't want published. Are they insane?" [NY Post]
• Madonna reportedly "shrieked in horror" when she found out that a judge was denying her adoption of Mercy. [Pop Dirt]
• Madonna has left Malawi in her private jet and is headed for London. [Star Tribune]
• Madonna is said to be "in pieces." [Daily Mail]
• And now Madonna is back in the UK; Guy Ritchie met her at the airport. They didn't seem to speak to each other but he had a big hug for David. [Daily Mail]
• Rihanna is partying in Barbados — it's her grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. Her father says the singer is "back to herself." [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile, Chris Brown is due in court today where he will do some "intense" plea dealing. [NY Daily News]
• Over the weekend, news broke that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a huge fight and that Sam changed the locks at her house. Ouch! [TMZ]
• Lindsay was specifically asked not to attend a Charlotte Ronson party but showed up anyway. [Socialite Life]
• Did Lindsay go on a Twitter tirade? This report says she wrote: "Being cheated on does wonders to you. I'm doing this publicly because u&ur friends call People [magazine]. So you win, you broke my heart. Now go away. I loved you." So wait, Sam cheated? Also, not so long ago, you couldn't get LL to admit she was IN a gay relationship; now she announces the details to the whole world??? [This Is London]
• Farrah Fawcett, who has been battling cancer for almost three years, is in a hospital in L.A. [Reuters, RadarOnline]
• Meanwhile, her son, Redmond O'Neal, was busted for drugs yesterday. In the parking lot of a prison. Not a joke. Also, Ryan O'Neal says Farrah just went in for a procedure and "is not at death's door." [NY Post, EW]
• This report says the end is near for Farrah Fawcett. [MSNBC Scoop]
• This paper claims that doctors fear the worst for Farrah. [NY Post]
• Scandalous: Jennifer Aniston was seen smiling and laughing and generally having fun. [Gatecrasher]
• Dear Beyoncé, the bangs and the heels are understandable, but the suspenders? [Daily Mail]
• Paris Hilton says of Doug Reinhardt: "We're best friends. It's not like we just met. We've known each other over the past year. I was in a relationship before and we reconnected. I'm really in love and really happy. He's going to be my husband." Does that sound like a threat? [E!]
• There's a sneak peak of season five of The Hills up, and apparently the big question is whether Heidi and Lauren will reconcile. But the even bigger question is: Does anyone still care? [E!]
• Speaking of The Hills, Lauren Conrad's new guy, Kyle Howard, wants to marry her, so he took her mom and dad out for lunch — and picked up the tab. [Star]
• Ryan Gosling has a band, and the band has a video, and it's here. [Pop Sugar]
• Oh, Christ: After enduring all kinds of shit for those bikini pictures, now this headline from the Daily Fail: "Has Jennifer Love Hewitt Lost Too Much Weight?" [Daily Mail]
• Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher are shooting a flick called Five Killers and it appears that they kiss. [Socialite Life]
• "How Poor Suri Cruise Has Become A Style Victim At Just Three Years Of Age." [Daily Mail]
• Behold: Victoria Beckham in enormous shoulder pads. [Daily Mail]
• Gossip Girl's Blake Lively and Penn Badgley have left the country to vacation in Thailand and you have not. [Just Jared]
• It's not that Serena Williams can't find a pair of bikini bottoms that fit, it's that her derriere is awesome and will not be held down! [Daily Mail]
• Anna Kournikova took part in a triathlon in Miami on Sunday. [Daily Mail]
• Ooh, Seal will sing the National Anthem at the Red Sox/Tampa Bay Rays game today! [The Star]
• You may find this hard to believe, but Gary Coleman regrets doing a movie titled Midgets vs. Mascots. He has a YouTube rant explaining his mortgage made him do it. [Page Six]
• Possible new couple: 50 Cent and Ciara. [Page Six]
• Bai Ling wants you to know that Bai Ling never had sex with Mickey Rourke. [Page Six]
• A square-faced Jack Black slays demons with his guitar in a new video game called Brutal Legend. Check out his heart-shaped soul patch! [Wired]
• Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are not only back on, but looking for a "love nest" in Santa Monica. Megan wants ocean views because "she loves the beach and spotting dolphins." [Star Magazine]
• The series finale of ER did okay, ratings-wise, but not as well as Cheers or Friends. [AdAge]
• Miley Cyrus' wardrobe in the Hannah Montana movie is "clean cut, wholesome and decidedly demure." Are times changing?!?! [LA Times]
• Between Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift and Julianne Hough, women ruled at the Academy of Country Music Awards. Do you have to be blonde and toothy, or is it just a coincidence? [Yahoo News ia AP]
• Christina Ricci will star in a "porn-tinged comedy" co-written by Adam Sandler. She'll play "an innocent girlfriend." [Hollywood Reporter]
• Jennifer Hudson's fans worry about her and can't stop talking about how they hope she doesn't cry while she is singing. [Washington Post]
• Jennifer Hudson says, "I'm fine, I'm happy." [USA Today]
• By now you must have heard: Demi Moore saved a suicidal woman's life via Twitter? [The Star]
• Brandon Michael Vayda, who plays Mike on 90210, pulled some guy out of a taxi and "beat the living crap out of him" outside of a nightclub. [TMZ]
• Alex DeSilva, a choreographer from So You Think You Can Dance, was arrested Saturday and charged with four counts of sexual assault. All of his victims were his students at the time. [E!]
• Fox's Roger Friedman wrote about the leaked flick Wolverine (which the FBI is investigating) in his column, saying, "It took really less than seconds to start playing it all right onto my computer." Now he's been fired. Whoops! [NY Times]
• Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr sang together for the first time in years at a benefit to introduce children to transcendental meditation. And yes, David Lynch runs the foundation in question. [Breitbart]
• Jeff Beck, Metallica, Run-DMC, Bobby Womack and Little Anthony and the Imperials were inducted into the hall of fame over the weekend. [NY Times]
• Fast & Furious sped away with a $72.5 million box office, which is huge. Huge. [Breitbart]
• Thousands lined the streets of London and Essex at the funeral of Jade Goody, which this paper calls "Princess Diana-style." [Daily Mail]'
• Jade Goody's family says they don't want her grave to be a shrine, "trampled by strangers." [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which C-list Hollywood stud was so drunk and desperate that he showed up at the home of an L.A. gossip reporter and demanded a booty call? Guess what, folks? She accepted!" [Gatecrasher]
• "There's a time for celebration and I partake, sure. But you know, it's important not to let that become too big of a distraction. The more you have access to, the harder it is to remain focused. You know what, I do not want to fall victim to that, it's too easy and too often done. It's out of style anyway, I think too many people have done it before me, I'm not going to. It's uncool, yeah. I think the rebellious thing to do would to actually be successful." — Zac Efron on drinking and the Hollywood party scene. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I'm excited to not have everything scheduled in advance. I can just call up a friend and grab lunch. I can wear white when I want to — I could never do that on camera. I can go backless!" — Lauren Conrad, on her plans for her life after The Hills. [LA Times]
• "It's kind of like a self-aware observational comedy of the simplest thing in the world, which isn't so simple." — Bob Saget on his new show, Surviving Suburbia. [NY Daily News]
• "People will always say that I'm over-exposed and that's what I want, all this attention. That's not it. What I love is the art of it all." — Miley Cyrus. [NY Daily News]
• "Somebody said to me 'Well, you know what? You just got such a big mouth and you just know how to talk to people. Did you ever think about runnin' for president?' I said 'I think we've had enough boobs in the White House.'" — Dolly Parton. [CBS News]
• "Some of my best compliments are on a $15 Ross dress. Ross gets you a weird look, but I've rocked two or three good pieces from there over the years." — Rosario Dawson. [New York Mag]
• "Well, I certainly got hit on a lot. And a lotta men thought I was as silly as I looked, I guess. You know, I look like a woman but I think like a man. And in this world of business, that has helped me a lot. Because by the time they think that I don't know what's goin' on, I then got the money, and gone." — Dolly Parton. [CBS News]

• Madonna's adoption of a second Malawian child: Denied.

A spokesperson says the judge's decision had to do with "residency requirements" and the fact that the girl was being well taken care of in the orphanage. Will Her Madgesty appeal? She's actually wanted to adopt this child, Mercy, since she met her in 2006. [CNN, Telegraph, ABC News, People]

• Sacha Baron Cohen totally has a random black baby in Bruno, to mock Madonna, perhaps? [Daily Mail]
• While it is indeed good news that Britney's ex, Adnan Ghalib, has turned in his gun — for which he had a license — the question must be asked: Why did a paparazzo have a fucking gun? [E!]
• Two things about Jessica Simpson maybe being on Dancing With The Stars: She is an actual star, but we all know she can't dance. [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Lopez wants more kids but loves the attention of the spotlight and doesn't want to be a stay-at-home mom, says a random source. Dilemmas! [Gatecrasher]
• Amy Winehouse is back in St. Lucia, and who could blame her? [Mirror]
• Gymnast Shawn Johnson is trying to put the stalker stuff behind her and says, "I'm doing really good. Keeping my mind set on the dancing, that's the most important thing for me right now." [ET]
• Pencil this in if you must: Sex And The City 2 hits theaters may 28, 2010. [E!]
• If you want to see the show tunes that were on the iPod President Obama gave the Queen, click the link. "Shall We Dance" seems like an obvious choice, but it's kind of amusing to see a song from Rent on there. [CBS News]
• Oh lord, Barack Obama may have broken copyright laws by buying music and then giving it away. [Wired]
• Check out shots of Brad Pitt from Vanity Fair; he's in character as a Nazi-killer from Inglorious Basterds. [Socialite Life]
• The guy who tried to break into Jamie Foxx's hotel room — and who has been hanging around the set of Foxx's latest flick — has been arrested. It's crazy that Foxx had to force the guy out of his room and slam the door in his face! [E!]
• Johnny Depp is in Puerto Rico shooting a flick called The Rum Diary and looks adorbs. That is all. [Socialite Life]
• Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers will be part of an "all-star" recording that a source is calling "Disney's version of 'We Are the World.' It's about kindness and passing it on." If there is anything about purity rings or virginity I am suing God. [E!]
• You know Miley Cyrus' little sister Noah is an actor, right? She says: "I think it's amazing to have Miley as a sister because I look up to here and she's like my role model because she tells me everything to do that's right and I really learn everything from her." [The Star]
• Kelly Killoren Bensimon: No longer modeling for Saks Fifth Avenue. [Page Six]
• Five words: Hugh Jackman naked in Wolverine. [Socialite Life]
• Rising Sun Pictures, the Australian visual effects company that worked on Wolverine, swears it is not responsible for leaking the flick online. [The Star]
• James Franco is going to star in another stoner comedy called Your Highness. [Pop Sugar]
• LeAnn Rimes had dinner with an "unidentified male friend" and OMGISSHECHEATINGOMG. [Just Jared]
• Maybe you heard about this? Some show called ER had its finale last night, after fifteen seasons on the air. [E!]
• If you live in Boston, you won't see Jay Leno's 10pm show at 10pm — you'll see the news instead. [E!]
• The BBC has been fined for the lewd phone calls made by TV personality Jonathan Ross and comedian Russell Brand. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Charlie Sheen's infant son remains in the hospital. [People]
• Why in the name of Zeus can this woman not rest in peace? Anna Nicole Smith's dad is planning on suing her former lawyer/boyfriend/pill supplier, Howard K. Stern. [MSNBC]
• Pilot Chesley Sullenberger already has a two-book deal; now there's a TV documentary about the hero coming to TLC later this year. [NY Daily News]
• Chef Jamie Oliver has a brand new daughter, Petal Blossom Rainbow. She joins sisters Poppy Honey, 7; and Daisy Boo, 5. Brain explodes from cutesy twee names in 3…2 … [People]
• Got sunshine on a cloudy day? The Temptations will perform at the NCAA Final Four! [Yahoo News via AP]
• Woody Allen's latest flick is shot in New York — this after the last four were shot in Europe. Welcome back! [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• The Rolling Stones will reissue several albums, remastered, but with the original track listings and sleeves. [Mirror]
• First it was one station in Florida; now 16 TV stations are refusing to air the Osbournes' new show. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which wholesome TV host shocked partygoers when he pulled out a baggie of Colombia's finest?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I was driving once with my best friend - this was when I was in my 20s — I remember ripping my faux eyelashes off because they were driving me crazy, and sticking them under her dashboard. [A week later my friend called]. She said, 'Um, Brooke? I found your fake eyelashes stuck under my dashboard - why the hell did you put them there?' I was so embarrassed! But then she goes, 'And then I decided to put them on, so I'm wearing them today!' I was hysterical. How gross, right?" — Brooke Shields. [Gatecrasher]
• "With a black president, we've got to come up with a new excuse. Can't blame the Man, when you are the Man." — Wanda Sykes. [WSJ]

• John Mayer wrote a song called "Heartbreak Warfare" so naturally there is speculation that it's about Ms. Jennifer Aniston. But, uh, check out these lyrics:

The song goes: "If you want more love, Why don't you say so? Drop his name, push it in and twist the knife again; Watch my face as I pretend to feel no pain, pain, pain." Damn, maybe she really did say Brad's name in bed? [People]

• Speaking of Brad Pitt, he'll be in Cannes — again! — for Inglorious Basterds. [People]
• While in Malawi, Madonna has been rocking a fanny pack. Because that's what's really important, you know. What she is wearing. Not the orphaned kids. [NY Daily News]
• Chelsea Clinton's rep says the engagement reports are false and she is not getting married this summer. Boo! We were totally imagining Bill walking her up the aisle and then getting tipsy and giving a long teary speech. [Us Magazine]
• Lindsay Lohan wants you to know that she and Samantha Ronson are still together. "[The] rumors aren't true. We aren't broken up," she said, in all seriousness, at a hotel where she was doing promotional work for her new self-tanner Sevin Nyne. [E!]
• This report claims that Lindsay doesn't use her self-tanner, Sevin Nyne, but one called Fake Bake. Scandal! [Gatecrasher]
• Oh goody, Michael Lohan is in a short film, because what the world needs now is for him to have an acting career. [The Star]
• Everyone loves to point out how Photoshopped Britney Spears is in her new Candie's ad, but "cuts the fat" is mean headline. [NY Daily News]
• Is Britney dating her agent? We've heard that one before. [The Sun]
• You know Britney's old friend Sam Lutfi? His sister Christina told the court that Britney is afraid of her own father and called Sam for help. [Mirror]
• Someone threw a car seat at Nadya Suleman's mini van and smashed the rear window. Not cool, people! [E!]
• In her new Moet & Chandon ads — you know she is the face of the champagne, right? — Scarlett Johansson looks like someone, and that someone is not Scarlett Johansson. [Socialite Life]
• Kate Moss kissed Jennifer Lopez at the Topshop party last night. [Daily Mail]
• Do you find it hard to believe that Mariah Carey is 40? Be honest. [Socialite Life]
• Project Runway is not dead! Long live Project Runway! It will now be shown on Lifetime — this summer!!! — and sponsors are Marie Claire and Tresemme. You cannot hold Tim Gunn down. [AdAge, WSJ]
• Jay-Z had to wait 20 minutes for a table at Mario Batali's restaurant but was "really polite, and waited patiently at the bar." [Page Six]
• Victoria Beckham was seen wearing heels again, so all is right with the world. [Daily Mail]
• The fact that Amber Tamblyn wore a fake mustache at a party to throw off the paparazzi may make you love her more. [Page Six]
• Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler have split. Again. He confronted her about having an affair with Gerard Butler while he was in the hospital and it all went downhill from there. Says a source. [Us Magazine]
• Did you know that Nicolas Cage owned a castle in Germany? Well he just sold it, so you'll never get to see him let his hair hang down from the turret window. [People]
• Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen is in a band, Pretty Reckless, which means she needs costumes, which means she is collaborating with New York designer Jen Kao. That's what you did when you were 15, right? [People]
• Lil Wayne is on the cover of the new Rolling Stone and explains why he now does music with guitar solos: "The rock shit just comes from what my life is now. I've grown into this person." Okay! [Rolling Stone]
• The year is not 1999, and yet the Backstreet Boys are in the studio. [Pop Dirt]
• Whitney Port is on the cover of Cosmo because we have officially run out of celebrities. [Just Jared]
• Tila Tequila wants to date David Lynch. [Jossip]
• "Geldof girls glam up to paint the town red in matching dresses... but it's back to grunge to REALLY party just hours later" [Daily Mail]
• A ski lodge owned by Bruce Willis in Idaho was destroyed in a fire. [Daily Mail]
• Kevin Spacey will star and produce a film he helped write the script for, which seems to be about a billionaire inventor whose creation goes horribly wrong. [The Star]
• RIP The Guiding Light, the longest running daytime drama in the history of television. It's going to that big soap opera mansion in the sky. [MediaWeek]
• TV Guide channel is having an identity crisis: It's ditching the scrolling thing it does, and maybe even the name TV Guide channel. [AdAge]
• Uh-oh, the FBI has been called in over the leak of Wolverine. Somebody's in trouble! [BBC News]
• Blind item: "Which starlet turns a blind eye to her athlete boyfriend's philandering ways? Her dream is to get a diamond ring so she can finally leave the business." [Gatecrasher]
• "I'm sick of all the Hilton stuff, where all anyone cared about was whether I was doing coke in the bathroom or how many [bleeps] I was sleeping with. I'm done with partying and traveling. It's time to get this [bleep] started." — Barron Nicholas Hilton, brother of Paris, who wants to be "an international singer-songwriter." [Page Six]
• "The best cure for a hangover is something one straight man can't do for another straight man." — Ben Affleck, in Esquire. [Page Six]
• "One thing that bugs me is people who say, 'Miley really needs to lose some weight' or 'She got her boobs done.' I did start out really skinny, but you're not going to have boobs when you're 12 years old. I'm like, 'What are you talking about — let me grow.'" — Miley Cyrus. [Daily Mail]

• Madonna is making moves in Malawi: This picture at the link shows 4-year-old Mercy, the girl she's trying to adopt, holding hands with possible new sister Lourdes. [Daily Mail]

• Oprah faces yet another scandal involving her Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa; seven students allegedly engaged in "inappropriate behaviors." [Socialite Life]
• This report says that even though girls at Oprah's school were expelled, this is not a sex scandal. [MSNBC]
• Lisa Ling's sister Laura and another journalist being detained in North Korea are headed for a trial on the basis of "already confirmed suspicions," which doesn't sound good. [People]
• Bridget Moynahan is furious with Gisele Bundchen for telling Vanity Fair she loved Tom Brady's son like he was her own. Someone close to Bridget says: "If Gisele loved Bridget's child like he was '100 percent her own,' then she would not talk about him in the press. Discretion and respect are not either of Gisele or Tom's virtues, as was evidenced even when the child was still unborn and they publicly flaunted their relationship without any discretion whatsoever." [Page Six]
• Kate Moss is supposedly in New York to open the new TopShop here and OMGCLOTHESOMG. [Daily Mail]
• Shocker: Britney's Candie's ads have been Photoshopped! Won't someone think of the children? [Daily Mail]
• Josh Holly, the dude who hacked into Miley Cyrus' email and had his apartment raided by the FBI back in October is still being investigated. Special Agent Scott Augenbaum says: "We're still working on it. He hasn't been arrested." Guess what Holly has been doing in the meantime? Hacking celeb MySpace accounts and spamming their "friends." [E!]
• Speaking of Miley, she looks ever so uncomfortable on the May cover of Glamour. [Just Jared]
• Stephen Colbert is warning NASA to name a new wing of the international space station after him or he will "seize power as space's evil tyrant overlord." [CNN]
• Holy crap yay! Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel are expecting their first baby! [Socialite Life]
• Singer Natalie Cole is in desperate need of a kidney; she went on Larry King last night to talk about it and dozens of emails came in, with offers from people saying they would get tested to see whether their kidney could be donated. Sometimes TV redeems itself. [CNN]
• In this photograph, Robert Pattinson looks like a folkie singer with long hair and a guitar. Scarier than a vampire? [E!]
• Kelly Rowland has left Columbia Records, the label she's been with since her Destiny's Child days. Good luck out there! [E!]
• American Idol's emo musical theater rocker, Adam Lambert, has a fan in Neil Patrick Harris: The How I Met Your Mother Star was in the audience last night and says, "No male in this competition has sung so well. He really hit those notes." [E!]
• A TV station in Panama City, FL decided that Osbournes: Reloaded was "not keeping with community standards" and declined to air the show after American Idol. [E!]
• A sneak peek at the new Sherlock Holmes flick: "Leave it to Robert Downey Jr. to turn Sherlock Holmes into a wisecracking action hero who ends up handcuffed naked to a bed." [Yahoo News via AP]
• Rachel McAdams says filming the Sherlock Holmes movie was "cold and dirty." "The 1800s were kind of dirty, I realized. I didn't think about that before." [Mirror]
• Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani will never collaborate musically: "We come from such band mentalities that it's something we've really done well to avoid," Gavin says. [Mirror]
• Dreamworks animated flicks like Kung Fu Panda and Monsters Vs. Aliens will be shown on FX, thanks to a deal between the channel and the distributor. [USA Today]
• Star Jones says her mind and body are not in sync: I'm still 300 lbs. in my head some days," she told Oprah. [People]
• Wanda Sykes and the Fox network are finalizing a deal for a Saturday late-night show. Bring it! [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• Some Slumdog Millionaire DVDs were released without the "making of" feature and "deleted scenes," which were advertised on the box. Buyers are bitching to Amazon about it; Amazon is blaming Fox. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Pedro, a film about the HIV positive Real World castmember Pedro Zamora, premieres tonight on MTV and LOGO. [LA Times]
• The Seattle home where Jimi Hendrix grew up has been destroyed; preservation efforts failed. [Mirror]
• Liam Neeson has completed Chloe, the film he was working on when his wife Natasha Richardson died. [CBS News]
• R.I.P Andy Hallet, who played the demon Lorne on Angel. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Blind item: "Which Academy Award winner, who constantly denies his philandering ways, was outed after sleeping with a publicist who blabbed to everyone?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I'm going to get smashed after doing this." — Ed Westwick, at the Dressed To Kilt show, before which he apparently stripped down to his underwear in a corner to change into his kilt. [Gatecrasher]
• "I break down a couple of times a week, at least. It gets overwhelming. Sometimes I think that I can't take this anymore. I just want to live a normal life. Olivia [Palermo] kind of mothers me and looks at me as a pet project…I'm not some country bumpkin. I'm from Los Angeles." — Whitney Port on The City. [Page Six]
• "If women look like her, that would be the perfect world. She doesn't need to change anything. Who likes stick skinny girls? Where's the flavor? Whoever likes those stick skinny girls never had sex before in their life." — Dancing With The Stars' "star" Gilles Marini, on people talking about Cheryl Burke's weight gain. [E!]
• "I want my dogs to be in my wedding, I am so serious." — Jennifer Hudson. [Mirror]
• "Girls are scary. Large groups of girls scare the (crap) out of me." — Kristen Stewart. [USA Today]
• I haven't read the books, but I saw the movie… I thought the movie was really bad." — Whitney Port, on Twilight. [Perez]

• And then there were seven?!?! Angelina Jolie reportedly told one of the Slumdog kids that she is planning to adopt an Indian orphan. The papers will surely turn this into a race with Madonna. [Telegraph]

• So you know how Lindsay Lohan has a $115,000 Maserati but no job? Turns out a "porn king" loaned her the car, no strings attached. Uh-huh. Right. [TMZ]
• This UK paper is calling Madonna a "manipulator" who will "stop at nothing" to adopt a second child. They're saying she dressed conservatively for her court appointment, when she actually is way more wild, divorced and a Kabbalah enthusiast. Apparently Malawaians "take their Christianity seriously." Well, she did date Jesus! [Daily Mail]
• Hmm. Madonna wore a $2800 Chanel tracksuit while in Malawi. [Telegraph]
• The mark on Katie Holmes' back is indeed troubling. Scientology? Melanoma? [Perez]
• Countess Luann de Lesseps of Real Housewives has split with Count de Lesseps. He is "with an Ethiopian woman" now. Does this mean Luann is still a countess? Are any of the Housewives actual wives? So many questions. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Vicki Gunvalson of the California Real Housewives has been receiving death threats from an obsessed female fan who "takes the show way too seriously." [Yahoo via E!]
• The latest on Britney Spears is that while her dad was away, she hooked up with a backup dancer. His name is Glo, and she bought him some clothes and shoes. But now that her dad is back? "It's basically over," says a source. As you'll recall, the last time Brit picked up a backup dancer she got married and had two kids. [Gatecrasher]
• Halle Berry is "mentally ready" for more kids, FYI. [Mirror]
• "I'm not engaged. If she is engaged we have a problem." — Justin Timberlake on Jessica Biel. [The Star]
• Miley Cyrus says there won't be any more Hannah Montana movies. Also, she says if you're a young kid trying to decide between college or potential stardom: "Be a freak. Go to Hollywood." [Yahoo News via AP]
• The rumors that Rihanna is not cooperating with the D.A.'s office? Untrue. A rep for the D.A. says: "We have been in contact with her attorney, and he has always said she is a cooperating victim." [E!]
• Queen Latifah is being sued by a makeup artist and a fashion stylist, who claim she failed to pay them. At stake? $1 million. [Yahoo News via AP]
• ScarJo and RyRen went on a motorcycle ride. [Socialite Life]
• Drew Barrymore is back with Justin Long — in the movies, at least. He'll play her boyfriend in a romcom called Going The Distance, about what else? A long-distance relationship. [E!]
• Zac Efron dropped out of the Footloose remake, and now Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford is auditioning. Similarly pretty, but charismatic? Uh… [E!]
• Michelle Rodriguez will kick your ass if you try and snap her picture when she is not feeling well and sitting in a wheelchair at the Mexico City airport. [E!]
• Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are still friends, in case you were wondering. [People]
• When Jennifer Lopez arrived at LAX from Japan yesterday, Jenny from the block had 11 bags. [Daily Mail]
• Andie MacDowell, Mike Myers and Ed Westwick (!) took part in a kilt fashion show. Men in skirts! [The Star, Daily Mail]
• André 3000 was busted for going 109 mph in a 65 mph zone. He drives a Porshce? You'd think it would be a model T or something to match his plus-fours. [E!]
• Congrats to Alyson Hannigan, who had a baby girl — on her birthday. [ET]
• If instead of sparkly vampires, you like actual boodsuckers with fangs, take note: True Blood returns June 14. Season 2 photos at the link. [E!]
• Epic! Law & Order: SVU will be shooting at the U.N. [CNN]
• Star Trek hasn't yet hit theaters but they're already talking sequel. And Lost cocreator Damon Lindelof could be on board. [E!]
• The Karate Kid remake will be called Kung Fu Kid, says Jackie Chan. [EW]
• Friends, here is a picture of Sir Paul McCartney with his fly open. [Daily Mail]
• Friday Night Lights: Renewed for two more seasons. [EW]
• Blind item! "Which pretty young songbird is freaking out male paramours with her overly hairy tummy?" [Gatecrasher]
• "It doesn't mean no more musicals forever, but right now I had so much fun doing (new comedy film) 17 Again that I think that's the direction I want to head in." — Zac Efron, on why he pulled out of the Footloose remake. [The Star]
• "Max and I are really good friends. We were just too young. That's all it was. I still love the idea that we did it. I love the idea I can tell my kids one day about it and I know he does too. It just got really crazy. It was something that exploded. And then it ended. And now we're just back to being friends, which is so much better." — Peaches Geldof, 20, who doesn't regret her six-month marriage. [The Sun]
• "After this album and tour I have a brand new business I am setting up, but i can't say what it is yet. I am definitely considering quitting music." — Lily Allen. [This Is London]
• "If you've got a character, particularly on TV, you can watch him doing nothing if you like him. If you haven't got a great character, you could be delivering the greatest lines in the world, but who cares? There are stand-ups that just aren't likable. They can have the best lines in the world, but you go, (yawn) 'Yeah. Brilliant. Don't like you though.' Whereas, someone shambles out and they're a putz and they get their hands dirty and they tell you what a bad day they've had, you want to hug them. They don't say anything funny, they are funny." — Ricky Gervais. [Yahoo via AP]
• "I think they prerecord the backgrounds in the studio and maybe the backgrounds are a little lip-synced. But I think the solos are definitely live. Because these kids aren't dancers and they're trying to do choreography, that's why it happens … if it happens at all." — American Idol judge Randy Jackson, on the lip-sync controversy. [Gatecrasher]
• "Kissing him wasn't bad at all. Justin's a sweetheart, and the whole shoot felt very organic. It all flowed so well." — Ciara, on smooching Timberlake in her new video for "Sex Love Magic." [Gatecrasher]
• "We were going to a Mexican restaurant and he and I were the first ones in. We sat opposite each other. He looked at me. It was a look that wasn't sexual; it was almost evil. It was like rape except it wasn't sexual. I just burst into tears. I never forgave him for it. It was cruel. I think maybe he fell into what he does sometimes with women. He had no right to do that. I was helpless. I got mad at him, and I never talked to him again." — Cloris Leachman on Marlon Brando. [LA Times]

• Madonna and Jesus have broken up, if you believe that she Twitters, which this paper does. Meanwhile, she's allegedly on her way to Malawi to adopt another kid. [Daily Mail]

• According to the papers, her Madgesty is 2 days away from adopting a second child from Malawi. That seems… speedy. [The Sun, Mirror]
• Lindsay Lohan's latest flick, Labor Pains, will never hit theaters: It's going to premiere on ABC Family, then go to DVD. This is the flick in which LL plays a woman who fakes being pregnant to keep from being fired. Hilarious? [Access Hollywood]
• Rihanna was seen "smiling and flirting" with a group of guys — including Brody Jenner — at Nobu in New York on Wednesday. She also has a blond, female security guard, which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
• Last night, Rihanna was seen dancing at a Hollywood night club. [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse's latest Facebook status reads "If you love him, let him go." [The Sun]
• Warning: Celebrities have Twitter ghostwriters. Where do we apply? [NY Times]
• Wow, Shawn Johnson is making quite a bit of cash to appear on Dancing WIth The Stars — if she goes all the way she could take home over $350,000. [E!]
• Speaking of DWTS, Holly Madison has been experiencing pain in her rib area. Bad enough that she's on meds. This show is dangerous! [E!]
• Kate Middleton, Prince William's girlfriend, has a pal named Emma Sayle. Apparently Emma runs sex parties called Killing Kittens, for single women and couples. Racy! [The Sun]
• Courtney Love versus a designer on Etsy: Guess who called someone a "vile horrible lying bitch"? Hint: The rock star. [E!]
• The designer also claims Courtney Love called her an "asswipe nasty lying hosebag thief." [TMZ]
• Jennifer Hudson has set a date for her wedding, but it's a secret. [Mirror]
• Queen Latifah has been cast in a romcom described as modern day Cinderella story; she'll play a physical therapist who falls in love with a basketball player while helping him recover from a career-threatening injury. [Variety]
• What the world needs now: A Ben Hur mini-series. [Variety]
• Rapper T.I. will be sentenced today for weapons possession; he will probably get a year. He's already done 1,000 hours of community service. [CNN]
• Donna Martin, aka Tori Spelling, returns to 90210 on Tuesday. Plus: Diablo Cody drops by. Stuntcasting means someone really really wants you to watch. [E!]
• Seriously, what is Courteney Cox's Cougar Town show really about? Every shot we ever see is CC in a robe. [Socialite Life]
• Something stinks: NBC is yanking cooking competition show Chopping Block off the air and replacing it with repeats of Law & Order: Criminal Intent. [Yahoo via Reuters]
• Survivor winner Richard Hatch wants to get out of jail. [Yahoo via AP]
• So you know that shaggy coat Pixie Geldof wore? She had a matching dress underneath. [Daily Mail]
• A witness claims to have seen two dudes get off of rapper Flo Rida's tour bus, kill a rabbit, and then get back on. Now Flo Rida is being questioned by police. [Socialite Life]
• Former Eight is Enough and Charles in Charge star Willie Aames is broke and having a big garage sale in suburban Kansas City; he filed for bankruptcy last year and his home is in foreclosure. I want Charles in charge of me? [Yahoo via AP]
• Eddie Cibrian, recently accused of cheating on his wife with LeAnn Rimes, was photographed holding hands with his wife at Miami airport yesterday. Damage control? [TMZ]
• Got $150 million? You can buy the late Aaron Spelling's mansion: 56,500 square feet of space on more than 4.6 acres. There's a bowling alley, wine cellar, wine tasting room, gift-wrapping room, a humidity-controlled silver storage room, China room, library, gym, and, of course, screening room. [Yahoo via AP]
• Green Day is back, with an eight studio album out May 15th. [EW]
• Blind item! Which A-list hunk got elbowed in the face by a girl after demanding she get him a bag of blow? The damsel clocked him after he called her a few (unprintable) names. [Gatecrasher]
• I like any job where you can just shut yourself away from everybody." — Robert Pattinson. [Mirror]
• We schedule it out. We force ourselves to do it. There's always an excuse for a couple not to take time for themselves, but it's really short sighted. The first thing you'd better do is make a date as soon as that baby comes. You'd better make a date and take your wife out within a month - whether you want to, or not - and you can't talk about the kid. And you'd better have a romantic weekend within two months because it tears couples apart, these babies do. Felicity and I have been really good about finding time. We'll go away for two days - for one day, even - and we try to do it four, five, six times a year." — William H. Macy, on keeping a marriage alive when you have kids. [Mirror]
• She has the partying part down right. But I don't think she's got the focus. I mean, it requires a lot of focus and a lot of people think they can do it, but they really find that it's a lot harder. Ask anyone - it's a lot harder than it looks. I guess that's why they call us supermodels - we make it look easy. But it's not as easy as it looks, so I wish her all the best." — Tyson Beckford on Lindsay Lohan. [Perez]
• "Because I got high, I forgot to pay. It was stupid. I'm an idiot for that." — Method Man, on owing back taxes. [Gatecrasher]
• "I think the last thing I should be doing right now is planning a wedding. I'd become one of those cracked-out housewives with a vacuum cleaner, hopped up on Dexedrine." — Kelly Osbourne, who just left rehab for her painkiller addiction. [Mirror]

She also claims she educates David about his culture: "He has a big map of Africa in his room with lots of arrows pointing to Malawi." [Reuters]

"When you lose your parents, you lose your direction. You lose your focus in life," Madonna narrates. "When I see these kids here — and I think, they've lost their father, they're lost their mother, they've lost their house — and yet they still can smile about it, I think, how could I ever feel bad about anything?"

In this clip, Madonna explains how she came to know about the 1 million children orphaned in Malawi. She admits that she didn't know where the country was at first, and had to look it up on a map.

I Am Because We Are [Official Site]
I Am Because We Are Screening Dates [Sundance Channel]

LATOYA: Ok, let's rock. But first I want to add something to the discussion we were having yesterday. I went back to my site to decompress the thoughts on what should and should not be shown in terms of coverage of tragic events.

MEGAN: Sure.

LATOYA: And after reading through the points made by my readers, the answer was pretty clear: We want more truth in coverage. Violence can be a part of that truth, but most of us are concerned that violent coverage is more for ratings and shock value. Violence happens, and it should be reported on. But asking for more bodies and gore won't necessarily lead us to truth, you know?

MEGAN: And, on the other hand, the American media sanitizes the violence for fear of turning viewers off, and for fear of getting in trouble with the FCC.

LATOYA: Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't. Like I said before, it depends on who the victims are. That largely dictates what kind of coverage is provided. Your reference to porn yesterday was apt, because I forgot this phenomenon has already been termed disaster pornography.

MEGAN: I disagree that there's any honesty in our coverage, period. I know that, in other countries, there was more coverage of people hurling themselves from the towers on 9/11. I know that, in other countries, there is more honest carnage shown. Our news generally shows people crying as a stand-in for the results of violence. No, disaster porn is different. Disaster porn is fetishizing the violence. There's a difference between showing it and making it beautiful or erotic.

LATOYA: You don't think we fetishize the violence?

MEGAN: I think we fetishize fake violence, and then don't show real violence, so we end up fetishizing violence we never really see.

LATOYA: Part of that fetish led to the comparisons of the war surges with video games. And ultimately, I wonder if violence can be applied effectively at this point because again, the treatment depends on the victims. Nameless bodies piling up in Iraq? Sure, we could show them the citizens, but because Iraqis have been so othered (insert Katt Williams' joke about insurgents here) would it have an impact? And would it have the same impact if we showed the casualties in Iraq, but continued to hide the deaths of our own?

MEGAN: I think it did in Vietnam. And I think we should show both.

LATOYA: But times have changed since Vietnam.

MEGAN: I think humans should be fully aware of what we can do and are doing to one another.

LATOYA: We are literally inundated with data and images of suffering.

MEGAN: And they still carry power over people. Even those images of Vietnam still do.

LATOYA: We are in a different time, war photography has changed, how we perceive war and death has changed and I think we need to look toward a different version of truth. If those images still held the power you say, why are we still engaged in these wars? Why do people not commemorate the bombing of Hiroshima or listen to the survivors of that bombing, some of whom are still living and speaking out?

MEGAN: I mean, I don't want to gross anyone out in the morning, but go look at the pictures of the Bhutto assassination aftermath I picked out when I worked at Wonkette. Tell me that it looks like what you see on TV. Tell me that it looks like what you saw on the news then, or even this weekend. Tell me is isn't horrifying and sickening and much more real. And then think that this is what you didn't actually see in Mumbai, but that it was there too. No amount of blood on a floor can convey that carnage, or that horror.

LATOYA: But is it really, Megan?

MEGAN: And, so, no. It's not at all the same as listening to a survivor, or watching someone cry — even a kid.

LATOYA: We remember that — we're knee deep in news everyday. But do people?

MEGAN: Do people look? They're hardly ever given a chance to.

LATOYA: It's kind of like dealing with the images of starving kids in other nations. Particularly in Africa (and I hate just using a continent as a blanket term.) For a while, it tugged on people's heartstrings.

MEGAN: We're still engaged because people have short memories.

LATOYA: But then, strangely, people just started to accept this is how things are. Africa is just fucked up, no rhyme, no reason to it, and it will never get better.

MEGAN: We aren't engaged because people have short memories. Every place is fucked up. And the solutions are not easy solutions. People gave money, and it didn't get better.

LATOYA: And that mindset is part of the reason why it is hard to motivate people to take action and to protest. If you go for shock (which is what I feel the media is doing) you have to continually shock on a larger and larger scale to take action. Truth is more potent than that. It is less jarring than that initial shock to the system, but longer lasting.

MEGAN: See, I don't think the media is going for shock, because they have to put it on the airwaves. The story I linked to yesterday, that I wrote — they took one of the photos in the set I just linked to, cropped out much of the carnage and then blurred the rest so that you couldn't see. They are giving you a piece of the truth, but not the whole truth. Period. And so the truth remains shrouded. I don't think the truth of Mumbai is a crying child — let alone a crying white child. But that's the truth that people are willing to look at.

LATOYA: I'll cosign, but I don't think the truth is blood on the floor either.

MEGAN: Or, rather, people here. I think the truth is the body on the floor. It's the loss of life. It's the lack of energy in a face.

LATOYA: Anyway, on that note, let's talk about terrorism. As it was dominating the Washington Post coverage this morning. So apparently, a WMD attack is imminent.

MEGAN: Well, that doesn't surprise me. If we think all that planning that went into Mumbai was the end of it, then we're fooling ourselves.

LATOYA:

The report, ordered by Congress last year, concludes that terrorists are more likely to obtain materials for a biological attack than to buy or steal nuclear weapons. But it says the nuclear threat is growing rapidly, in part because of the increasing global supply of nuclear material and technology.

"Without greater urgency and decisive action by the world community, it is more likely than not that a weapon of mass destruction will be used in a terrorist attack somewhere in the world by the end of 2013," says the draft report, a copy of which was obtained by The Washington Post. The Post reported excerpts from an earlier draft in Sunday's editions.

I am watching to see how the India/Pakistan thing shakes out. India is pushing hard to get Pakistan to hand over people they think were involved in the attacks.

MEGAN: Of course they are. I believe we were keen on then handing over people that were involved in 9/11 and Daniel Pearl's murder once upon a time. I wish them luck with that. I'm more concerned that we're talking about nuclear and biological weapons being used in a terror attack and Homeland Security is years behind on things designed to detect them.

LATOYA: Okay, so I know I've been going on all kinds of tangents this morning (and we've only been talking 15 mins) but it's a big picture kind of day for me. Not only is Homeland Security behind on detection, but our infrastructures won't support an attack.

MEGAN: Or, rather, won't support a decent response to an attack.

LATOYA: Our local governments are stretched to the max and cutting vital services everyday - do you think we're in a position to respond to a major biological attack? With our current health care system?

MEGAN: Hell, it's more than 7 years after 9/11 and emergency responders still can't communicate with one another in many cases. Hospitals are closing.

LATOYA: Right. Why isn't this a part of counterterrorism measures? Our infrastructures need to be stable and funded so if - heaven forbid - something does happen, we can actually minimize the damage.

MEGAN: It is, actually. It's just that getting the bandwidth required for communications back from the phone companies we sold it to was a complete clusterfuck in Washington for years.

LATOYA: head desk

MEGAN: The company that owned it — Nextel — didn't want to give it back without major concessions and new bandwidth. There was lobbying, and gobs of money to be had.

LATOYA: I thought corporations had human rights under the law. Can't we force them to be good citizens?

MEGAN: The government chased its tail (and the bandwidth) for most of the last 7 years. That's why Homeland Security is so far behind on it. That, and no one there has any idea what the fuck they are doing. Nope. Welcome to Washington.

LATOYA: Maybe I should buy one of those Corporate America flags from Adbusters after all...

MEGAN: Back to biological weapons,

Meanwhile, although recent intelligence assessments have warned that a biological attack poses the greatest terror threat, signature defense measures - including the multibillion-dollar Project Bioshield to stockpile antidotes - have made only limited strides, according to Tom Ridge, the first secretary of homeland security.

"There has been a modest amount of work done in that venue, candidly," Ridge said in a recent interview. He said Americans "have spent billions on the development of a bio-defense stockpile but they don't have much to show for it."

LATOYA: More minor notes getting lost in the terrorism frenzy. The EU is concerned that we aren't providing enough aid to developing nations. I swear — what can we buy with a billion dollars? Obviously, not what we were expecting.

MEGAN: Yes, let's talk about that during a recession, when we're trying to provide aid to ourselves. Our own states are asking for aid money now.

LATOYA: Well, if you look at the reports:

The World Bank has said that developing countries are facing a 'perfect storm', with the convergence of slowing growth, a withdrawal of private capital, and higher interest rates on their debt.

The Bank says that growth in developing countries will fall by two percentage points to 4.5% next year, as the volume of global trade contracts for the first time since 1982.

But aid agencies have criticised the fact that neither the head of the World Bank or the IMF, or many other world leaders from rich countries, have come to the talks.

LATOYA: I recently spent a few weekends in the company of some rock star National Security experts —- most notably Lorelei Kelly, formerly of the White House Project — and they all had the same answer to this one. Where we invest the money is the problem.

MEGAN: I don't mean to be terribly flip about it, actually. Foreign aid, when done well, is important. But, yes, where we send it is at issue.

LATOYA: Instead of investing in people and infrastructure, we invest in governments and weapons.

MEGAN: More microfinance and less stock market development, please.

LATOYA: According to Lorelei, the security policy of the 21st century has to include helping countries to develop and educated populace. Umm... I'm on the fence about microfinance.

MEGAN: Oh, and let's eliminate the Mexico City Policy, while we're at it.

LATOYA: It has great benefits.

MEGAN: And, notably, it's cheap.

LATOYA: But...

MEGAN: And it also doesn't generally end up in the hands of dictators to build more palaces.

LATOYA: My girl Tanglad opened my eyes to the other side of microcredit.

In her study of Grameen Bank microcredit programs in rural Bangladesh,* Leila Karim finds that the focus on the 98 percent loan recovery rate hides how beneficiaries are co-opted into “a political economy of shame.”

Microcredit works by appropriating the only social capital poor women possess — their virtue and family honor. Among the Ifugao women in the northern Philippines,** microcredit beneficiaries are grouped into cohorts of five to fifteen members. They are given clear instructions: “You are all responsible for the loan and have to make sure that no one defaults.”

This lays the foundation of a very effective surveillance system, wherein poor women monitor other poor women. And the poorest women, the ones who need loans the most, are evicted from the group to minimize the risk of default.

Given the surprising lack of entrepreneurial or job skills training in microcredit schemes, it’s not unusual for a member to default on her loan. This is when things get even uglier, as the other women in the cohort are forced to extract payment.

In Bangladesh, for example, women march off together to publicly scold a member who falls behind on her loan payments. The cohort would also scold her husband in public. If she could not produce the money, the other women in her cohort would take anything that could be sold for loan payments — her cows and chicks, grain from her family’s pantry, uprooted trees and plants from her yard. Even her gold nose-ring, an important symbol of marital status for rural women.

When even these repossessions were not enough to repay the loan, the cohort could instigate the ultimate dishonor of ghar bhanga (literally, “house-breaking”), where the defaulting member’s house is sold off to pay for the microloan.

I think it's a good tool, but not a solution. Just like with capitalism, some people will flourish and thrive under microcredit, and some won't. Oh, some background — Tanglad writes from the Philippines, a major export zone, and ground zero for monitoring the effects of globalization.

MEGAN: That's true. But, like the protesters who argue that vast swaths of the developing world should not have to pay back their loans to lending institutions, I disagree that structuring a system without consequences for default is a good plan. Like, say, what we're seeing with Fannie and Freddie here.

LATOYA: This is also true. I'm not sure Tagland is arguing for that though — she's basically asking that some of the worker protections we enjoy are extended to the developing world, which would allow for more women to take traditional jobs. But, that would also make labor more expensive, which defeats the purpose of exporting. (She also blogs about labor activism and the people who vanish each year for asking for the rights we enjoy.)

MEGAN: I'm for labor protections, but the idea that we'll pay the same wages in the Philippines as here isn't going to function. There will always be labor cost differentials.

LATOYA: True — but do we have to pay the dirt cheapest wages at all times? I know you watched that Primark documentary.

MEGAN: That is, for better or for worse, how capitalism functions. Management buys labor for what laborers are willing to sell it for. It's the purpose of organized labor, to set an agreed-upon floor.

LATOYA: But our capitalism ain't capitalism. Laborers are willing to sell things for so low because they don't have many other options, and major players rig the market so that many countries are forced to import food and other vital necessities at above cost. I feel like a lot of our global problems can be solved by understanding the flow of money and labor. So many things stem from that: the artificial understanding of cost, the desperation that leads to terrorism, the food crisis.

MEGAN: Well, I think the importation of goods that could be locally produced cheaper is a remnant of colonialism, so thank Britain for that.

LATOYA: And just shrugging and saying "hey, that's the way things are" ignores how this system has hyper-evolved over the last fifty years.

MEGAN: But it's also a lack of free markets in those countries that would allow the market to function properly — which is to say, if it can be produced cheaper locally, in a functioning market, it would be.

LATOYA: False. Not if we prohibit them from doing so!

MEGAN: But there are still a lot of governments in the developing world that rely on command economic structures.

LATOYA: Hang on, let me pull out my old post standby...

MEGAN: We don't prohibit countries from producing goods. We prohibit them from exporting them to us by our tariff structure, or make it less economically viable by our farm subsidization programs. That isn't the same thing.

LATOYA: Actually, we do. We can put restraints on the money we provide unless the country meets the conditions we set. This happened in Malawi. We told them that in order to get funding from us, they could not farm their own food. Analysts decided it was cheaper for Malawi to import food and sell other goods and services. This led to a massive food shortage for a few years. The government finally decided to defy the recommendations (at great risk - because that could mean the end of the money stream) and subsidized its farmers the way we do. And that ended the food crisis for two consecutive years.

MEGAN: Now, that is an oversimplification of what went on, honestly.

LATOYA: They sent the emergency aid to other nations. Now, every African nation is not Malawi.

MEGAN: We didn't prohibit them from farming their own food. We refrained from giving them money to pay for a subsidy program.

LATOYA: Megs, if they rely on that money, isn't that a prohibition? Now, it's not like every single situation works out this way.

MEGAN: So we're supposed to fund every other country's farm subsidy program?

LATOYA: Global finance works in strange ways, and impacts different nations differently.

MEGAN: We shouldn't be funding our own.

LATOYA: We are funding our own — but, yes, we need to shift to helping nations become self-sufficient.

MEGAN: The point of subsidies is that it encourages inefficiencies. Subsidies don't encourage self-sufficiency.

LATOYA: In some nations. And in some nations, it prevents starvation. Yes, they can. If you check the food experts take on this, our insistence on an efficient market lead to this mess in the first place.

MEGAN: No, there are plenty of factors which led to the underlying problems that then necessitated the use of subsidies.

LATOYA: Like the droughts. But there is a reason the global south continues to reject a whole slew of policies that they see as ensuring their dependence on foreign aid and imported food.

MEGAN: Or the inefficient farming system that relied upon one, high-intensive food stuff.

LATOYA: What, like Mexico?

MEGAN: Maize is not an efficient crop. It's also debilitating on the soil and — notably — not native to Africa.

LATOYA: Who structured most of their eating habits around what could be bountifully grown and then found themselves fucked over following the import/export strategy prescribed?

MEGAN: In no small part because we subsidize heavily the growing of it here. Which we should stop, but we won't, because no one else will either. Subsidies either have to be multilateral disarmament, or they will never go away.

LATOYA:

When tens of thousands of people staged demonstrations in Mexico last year to protest a 60 percent increase in the price of tortillas, many analysts pointed to biofuel as the culprit. Because of U.S. government subsidies, American farmers were devoting more and more acreage to corn for ethanol than for food, which sparked a steep rise in corn prices. The diversion of corn from tortillas to biofuel was certainly one cause of skyrocketing prices, though speculation on biofuel demand by transnational middlemen may have played a bigger role. However, an intriguing question escaped many observers: how on earth did Mexicans, who live in the land where corn was domesticated, become dependent on U.S. imports in the first place?

From the Nation Manufacturing a Food Crisis. Damn, it's close to 10.

MEGAN: Notably, we also subsidize the production of ethanol — and impose heavy tariffs on cheap Brazilian ethanol to keep the prices high.

LATOYA: Resume tomorrow? I'll call Lorelei about national security and grab my copy of notes from the Global South.

MEGAN: Or maybe we'll have just convinced the government to forgo ethanol tariffs and farm subsidies by then.

LATOYA: Farm subsidies fuck us up — but that's my day job, so I'm biased. We'll talk more about that tomorrow too.

MEGAN: Farm subsidies fuck a lot of shit up, and it isn't my day job. But, yes, tomorrow!