• Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer is rewriting the script of a spy thriller called Edwin A. Salt: It was supposed to star Tom Cruise and now Angelina Jolie is replacing him. Oh, and Angie will also star in an adaptation of the Ayn Rand novel Atlas Shrugged. Next, Angelina will adopt Suri. Unstoppable. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Uh, apparently Angelina Jolie and porn star Tera Patrick have an e-mail relationship? And have been talking about who should play Catwoman in the next Batman movie? [Page Six]
• Nikki Blonksy's dad, who's been locked up in a Turks and Caicos jail for over a week, has just been released. He's due to appear in court on August 19 at 9:00 a.m. [ET]
• Carl Blonsky can't leave the island because authorities have his travel documents. [TMZ]
• Um, this report says Carl is back in New York. [Page Six]
• Jake Gyllenhaal is "all bulked up and 'bear' chested for his role in the fantasy flick Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time." No, really, He looks like Conan. [E!]
• Director Malcolm Lee heard about the deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes and was in shock: They're both in his film Soul Men, which opens November 14. "It had to be some sort of bad dream that these two giants would die on the same weekend, and both would be in my movie." Lee says that Mac would entertain the crew and bystanders between takes. "He said, 'These people made me what I am,' " Lee says. "He said that if it weren't for the fans of his stand-up comedy, he wouldn't have the career he had." Samuel L. Jackson is also in the film. [USA Today]

• Hayden Panettiere's dad, Alan is out on bail after getting arrested for allegedly hitting Hayden's mom, Lesley. Something went down after that Whaleman Foundation event: Alan and Lesley were seen fighting after the dinner. It seems to have continued when they got home: Authorities say that Alan struck Lesley one or two times on the cheek, causing bruising. Alcohol was involved. [People]
• Alan Panettiere is known as "Skip." He's apparently known for having a temper and "coming down hard" on his family. A source says that once, Skip was watching Hayden's little brother Jansen play baseball: "He went postal on Jansen because he wasn't pitching right," the eyewitness recalled. "He got nutty. He was yelling and screaming at his kid in front of everyone. He was really pissed off and was really negative." [Yahoo News]
• People who paid $2,500 to attend a benefit in the Hamptons are not happy that featured guest Gwyneth Paltrow didn't mingle with the riff raff. [Rush & Molloy]
• Madonna "longs" to adopt another child from Malawi, preferably a girl, to be a sister for David Banda. [Mirror]
• Mariah Carey says she does one thing very well: "Dance." As for singing? "Oh, that’s business." [Fox News]
• Kelly Rowland threw a party in St. Tropez on Friday — Bono attended — and the bash had a £196,230 ($372,150) bar bill. What did you do this weekend? [Mirror]
• Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell looks effing awesome in a bikini on the cover of Hello!. She says: "People think I'm really confident but I do get self-conscious like many women about stripping off in public. I haven't been willingly photographed in a bikini for seven years — and I don't think I'll do it again." [Daily Mail]
• Orlando Bloom will star in a film about life in the Bosnian capital Sarajevo during the 1992-95 siege. Change of pace from swashbuckling blockbusters. [Reuters]
• Blind item! "What publisher and man-about-town may have had a liaison with Rielle Hunter, the woman who had an affair with John Edwards and a relationship with his pal Jay McInerney? He's told friends they were 'in bed for a week.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens has been sued for $5 million by a former producer. Her dad called the dude a "predator." Hollywood sleaze? [Hollywood Reporter]
• Britney Spears did a sit-down interview and photo shoot with OK! magazine. Remember the earlier encounter, when her dog defiled a Zac Posen dress? [MSNBC]
• Oh, here's that promo for the MTV Video Music Awards starring Russell Brand, Britney Spears and an elephant. Russell's accent! [People]
• A number of disability groups want a boycott of Tropic Thunder, because of its portrayal of the mentally ill. Ben Stiller says: "It's sort of edgy territory, but we felt that as long as the focus was on the actors who were trying to do something to be taken seriously that's going too far or wrong, that was where the humor would come from. [The joke is on] actors reaching for roles in terms of hopefully winning awards." [Perez Hilton]
• Balthazar Getty met Sienna Miller's parents, then Sienna and Balt had lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer in Malibu. [Mirror]
• Dr. Phil and his wife Robin were recently arguing so loud that their Beverly Hills neighbors could hear. Now the house is quiet because they seem to have moved out… Did they go in separate directions? [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Coming soon: The Witches Of Eastwick TV show! Quick: Name a perfect cast. We need a redhead, a blonde and a Cher. [Ain't It Cool]
• Joss Stone is recording a theme song for Barack Obama's presidential campaign. Supposedly he approached her because of her "cross-racial appeal." But, um, she's British? [Times Of London]
• "Wild child Pixie Geldof turns to meditation and friends when she's feeling low." [Mirror]
• Another lender is after Ed McMahon for cash. [E!]
• Mia Tyler has called off her engagement. Maybe you didn't know she was engaged. [ONTD]
• Jason Statham showed up at the Playboy Mansion in a bathrobe, where Jon Lovitz was taking pictures of his face next to ladies' bare bottoms. Classy! [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl gossip! Michael Kors was seen with the cast at a NYC venue filming a fashion show scene! [Page Six]
• A martial arts school owner and fitness trainer in England is suing Tito Jackson, who allegedly borrowed $24,000 but only paid back $17,000. In other news, Tito Jackson still exists. [UPI]
• This story of Sean Connery's life is kind of amazing — once known as Tommy Connery, he dated Lana Turner and had Johnny Stompanato wave a gun in his face. [Daily Mail]
• "After a party in [Daniel Zelman's] apartment, I sat with him till 3:30 a.m. talking about the weather. Finally I said, 'Um, I guess I'm going to go.' I put on my polyester tiger-print swing coat and said, 'Will you kiss me?' 'Oh, gosh,' he said. 'I don't know.' I tried to be cool and said, 'It's just a kiss. I'm not asking you to marry me.' He said, 'No matter how interested we are in each other, we're so different, it will never work.' Cut to ten years later — we're married." —Debra Messing. [Reader's Digest]
• "I don’t think I am beautiful. I can look good, and I can look ugly." — Penelope Cruz. [MSNBC]
• "I'M COMPETING IN THE GAMES!!! EXCLUSIVE CHAMPION VIDEO!!!" — Kanye West. The video is pretty awesome. [KanyeUnivercity]

In a country like Malawi where, in 2003, the HIV infection rate was more than 14%, giving women options is incredibly important. Interestingly enough, the female condom was never particularly popular in the U.S. But why is it that most American women — including all but one of your Jezebel writers— have never used one? The Jezebel who has used them (me) answers that after the jump.

First off, they're not easy to insert. If you're a diaphragm, cervical cap or NuvaRing user, or even an OB or Instead affcianado, then you already have some familiarity with sticking your fingers way on up in your vagina, but if you use a cervical cap, diaphragm or NuvaRing, you might not be using condoms.

But if you don't regularly stick your fingers way on up in there to stick something in or get something out, this might be more difficult to manage. As an IUD-user, I don't spend a lot of time digging around up in there with anything other than my vibrator, so putting it in was tricky at best. Basically, my boyfriend at the time ended up doing it for me, which negates the purpose of being about to do it yourself even if it was more fun for me personally.

Unfortunately, one of the few exquisitely sensitive parts of your actual vagina is the entrance, which is then covered by the female condom, so using it I got a sense of what men had always tried to (and still try to) say — that using a regular condom reduces sensation. I mean, a male condom is not as fun as condomless for the woman, either, but babies and diseases are way less fun so, dude, you're keeping it wrapped up. That said, it was definitely less sensational with a female condom than with a male.

Luckily, my fellow researcher was my very long term boyfriend at the time (and I had an IUD), so neither disease nor babies was at issue with the condom usage. But, being relatively frugal people, he'd shelled out for them and had heard about an alternate usage method that we decided to try. So we put it on him and went back to work. It wasn't quite as weird as fucking with a baggie on his dick in terms of the noise level, but almost and if that ring on the end never slams into my cervix again I won't be terribly disappointed. That said, I'd take the alternate method — or a regular condom — any day of the week.

By the way, a non-profit research company is currently seeking FDA and WHO approval for a redesigned female condom that eliminates the internal ring, is easier to insert and, apparently, moves with your vagina during sex. Of course, it wouldn't need FDA approval if the FDA had classified female condoms as a Class 2 medical device the way they did male condoms, but the FDA classified the female condom as a Class 3 medical device (like breast implants, pacemakers and the like). So the redesigned female condom's manufacturers get to wait through a complex and lengthy approval process once they finish multi-million dollar clinical trials. I'm happy to volunteer to help with the latter, though — at least once.

Female Condom Introduced In Malawi [AfricaNews]
Redesigning A Condom So Women Will Use It [NY Times]

Saving Mothers, One At A Time [NY Times]

Birth Of A Surgeon [PBS]

• OMG the day is almost here! Are you ready? Huge stars, huge film! And! Apparently you can see the boom mic in several scenes of Sex And The City: The Movie! Tacky! [Perez Hilton]
• The dude who plays Steve has never watched an episode of Sex And The City. "I don't like seeing myself," David Eigenberg says. "I don't know what all this hoopla is." [NY Mag]
• Ashlee Simpson, now Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is, as predicted, pregnant. Pete Wentz has confirmed it on his website: "While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child. This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family." [People]
• As mentioned yesterday, Madonna has finally been granted full custody of adopted son David Banda. The Malawian judge said she and Guy Ritchie are "perfect parents." And by perfect he means filthy rich, with a lot of time on their hands. [The Sun]
• The R. Kelly trial abruptly adjourned yesterday after one of Kelly's lawyers said he received a call from a mystery man who claimed to have information that could help the defense. Dramatic! And possibly true! [USA Today]

• CSI star Gary Dourdan pleaded guilty to cocaine and Ecstasy possession yesterday. Then he flashed the peace sign as he left court. [People]
• Gary won't go to jail on his drug charges, however. He has to do 30 hours of a "diversion program" and then his case will be dismissed. [USA Today]
• Sharon Stone has apologized for her karma remarks regarding the earthquake in China. She says: "Due to my inappropriate words and acts during the interview, I feel deeply sorry and sad about hurting Chinese people. I am willing to take part in the relief work of China's earthquake, and wholly devote myself to helping affected Chinese people." Dior has dropped her from its Chinese ads. [Yahoo News]
• Sex Pistols singer Johnny Rotten on Britney Spears: "She has been hurt. And hurt is the root core essence of good music. I haven't written a song for Britney yet but I would love to. I'd like to help out because there's a girl who needs some help." [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Nicole Kidman: Maybe having a boy. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Producer and singer Ne-Yo says that Lindsay Lohan can actually sing. He wrote the track "Bossy" for her upcoming album and says, "She did a ridiculously fabulous job. I was so shocked I had to call her and apologize for what I was thinking because she did so good. I think the world is gonna be surprised." [People]
• Meanwhile, Lindsay's appearance didn't really boost Ugly Betty's ratings. Were people expecting it to? [E!]
• Mischa Barton: Missing in action at promotional events in Cannes. Where do you think she is? [Page Six]
• Kim Kardashian is selling crap out of her closet on eBay for charity. Bandage dresses and Jimmy Choo boots! [ET]
• Oh, and there's a Kim K impostor, who is being paid to pretend to be Kim. The impostor is, uh, interesting-looking. [The Sun]
• Mariah Carey threw the first pitch at a baseball game in Tokyo, wearing a tiny jacket, short-shorts and four inch heels. Of course. [Mirror]
• David Hasslehoff in a leather shirt, ew. [Mirror]
• OMFG: Blanket Jackson, unmasked. [The Sun]
• Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell says of her daughter Bluebell, 2: "In my early 20s I was very fame-hungry. Bluebell's taught me to love myself because she loves me so much. I've watched her teach her children really good manners. I've learned from her example." [Mirror]
• A reported "expressed confidence" that Katie Couric would prevail in the news race. Katie replied, "Don't worry about me. I'm OK." [Fox News]
• Denzel Washington was at this bar in my neighborhood and ordered champagne, which he couldn't open. I didn't even think this place had champagne. [Page Six]
• A fourth Beverly Hills Cop movie has been scheduled for summer 2010. And yeah, Eddie Murphy will star. Hollywood: No new ideas. [E!]
• Rod Stewart orders oxygen kits to be on standby backstage in his tour rider. [Mirror]
• JK Rowling has written an 800-word outline of a Harry Potter prequel. It's being auctioned for charity June 10. [Reuters]
• This Dark Knight Got Milk? ad is kind of weird. Batman and dairy don't seem right together. [E!]
• Pictures of Anderson Cooper with Muppets! [ONTD]
• Um, a musical version of Little House On The Prairie? Starring Melissa Gilbert. Yes and yes. [Variety]
• Tori Spelling and her hubby tried running a bed and breakfast for their reality show Tori & Dean: Inn Love, and now they will return to Hollywood for the third season of the show, called Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. Maybe next they'll do Tori & Dean: Last Chance Motel. [E!]
• Raven Symone's biggest fan — who ran her fan site — has quit and closed the site! The man known as Derrick writes, "This was supposed to be the best year for Raven professionally and she wasted it!" [Perez Hilton]
• Dinner with Pamela Anderson is up for bids at an auction in Abu Dhabi benefiting the Make-A-Wish Foundation. How much would you pay? [Reuters]
• A lawyer says a deposition by Keanu Reeves should not be sealed because Keanu is "certainly not more important than the president of the United States" and no more "popular than O.J. Simpson, whose deposition and in fact entire trial proceedings were televised." [E!]
• The Tom Cruise web site devoted to Tom Cruise is ready, at TomCruise.com. [Yahoo News]

• Angelina Jolie confirms: She is having twins. You knew that, right? Anyway an exclusive interview scored by NBC's Today show was lifted by NBC's Access Hollywood and now NBC producers are pissed at each other. [Page Six]
  
• It was Jack Black who spilled the beans about Angie's twins, actually. [People]
  
• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo might still be together. Unfortunately, that's not as interesting as if they were broken up. [E!]
  
• Um, more Britney pregnancy rumors. I'm scared. Someone hold me. [Mirror]
  
• Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty kissing. This is one of those pictures where obviously the buss was on the cheek but it kind of looks like they were heading for the lips. In any case, the paper calls them a "gruesome twosome." [Mirror]
  
• To be honest, Pete's got something weird on his lip and face. It is kind of gruesome. [The Sun]
  
• Meanwhile, Blake Incarcerated says Amy Winehouse will die without him, but he doesn't want to go back to her when he gets out of jail because she is doing drugs. [News.com.au]

• Madonna's court adoption ruling has been delayed. The judge needs to review some paperwork. [Reuters]
• Mariah Carey's ex-boyfriend, producer Mark Sudack, whom she was with for almost four years, is "shattered" that MC is suddenly married to someone else. He and Mariah just broke up in the beginning of 2008. [MSNBC]
• Fantasia was a "trainwreck" on American Idol. [Perez Hilton]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs is looking for sponsors for his Cannes yacht party. Any takers? [Mirror]
• Actress Michelle Trachtenberg (Buffy, Gossip Girl) fainted in the middle of a downtown NYC party. But! Homegirl rallied and stayed out the rest of the night. That's how Georgina Sparks would do it! [Page Six]
• Rumor has it Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz will be getting married this weekend in a seven-figure ceremony. Friends and family were notified via Evites, haha. The good news is they were apparently made for each other; a source says: "Ashlee is so needy, she just hangs all over Pete. But he loves it. He's always had a thing for vulnerable girls...They complete each other." [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which young actress may be a little too much like her TV character? At a wrap party for her show, the tween got totaled at the bar and had to crawl into a waiting taxi." [Rush & Molloy]
• Anne Heche's show, Men In Trees, was canceled and now she can't afford to pay child and spousal support. Unemployment sucks. [People]
• Halle Berry has a new diamond ring! On her ring finger. But it's not from her baby daddy. She bought it for herself. So very modern. [People]
• Star Jones is "sexy, single and heating up the Cannes Film Festival." Wait, what? [ET]
• The Season 3 finale of Flavor of Love is the show's finale episode. Ever. It's the end of the series. Well, we'll always have Under One Roof. Ugh. [UPI]
• A contestant on Australia's Next Top Model came close to a nervous breakdown from being bullied by the other girls in the house. [News.au.com]
• Hugh Grant, Liz Hurley and her husband Arun Nayar won £58,000 in damages for invasion of privacy over photographs taken of them on holiday. That's enough cash for another trip! [BBC News]
• Superbad star Jonah Hill in a modern-day 21 Jump Street? Dude is no Johnny Depp. Or Peter DeLuise, for that matter. [Variety]
• A hybrid car was flown from Japan to Paul McCartney in London and critics are saying that any environmental benefits from using the car would be undermined by its mode of delivery. Sigh. [Guardian]
• Sean Penn lit up two cigarettes at the Cannes Film Festival, in violation on French laws against smoking in public buildings. Badass! [USA Today]
• The ladies of Sex And The City are on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, because they have not had enough publicity lately. [Just Jared]
• Oprah's dead dogs, commemorated in sculpture and sitting on her head. [TMZ]
• PETA still hates Mary-Kate Olsen. [Peta2]
• James McAvoy in Mean magazine: Hot. [ONTD]
• "I put on 40 pounds with Moses. And I found it really hard to loose the last 20 pounds. I didn't mind having the big boobs. But it was the stomach roll, the back fat, and the post-pregnant butt. And it was so hard to get rid of." — Gwyneth Paltrow. [People]
• "Samantha, she's Aphrodite. She loves them and leaves them. She has no guilt about her desires. If I'm associated with sexuality until the day I die I'll be happy — because I intend to be sexual until the day I die." — Kim Cattrall on her Sex And The City character. [The Sun]
• "When I see pictures [of myself] I do sometimes think, 'You miserable cow!'" — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Mirror]

• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo: Dunzo! [TMZ]
  
• OMG. Was Joel Madden flirting with Lindsay Lohan? Apparently Nicole Richie was home with the baby and Joel was out when Paris Hilton sent Nic a text: "Lindsay was all over Joel!" Nicole tried calling and Joel didn't pick up. Is this how it's gonna be? [Star]
  
• Lindsay Lohan's father thinks someone is supplying LL with drugs and Janet Charlton has posted a picture of LL with Samantha Ronson with the words, "Michael, the answer could be right under your nose - or better still, Lindsay's nose." [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
  
• Is Mariah Carey pregnant? Apparently someone from her camp called famed L.A. baby boutique Petit Trésor and asked about (wait for it...) butterflies. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Mariah and new hubby Nick rented out Six Flags Magic Mountain last night so they could have a wedding celebration with their homies. Roller coasters? Just like MC's "Fantasy" video. Which came out in 1995. When Mariah was 25. And Nick Cannon was 15. Not that it matters. [TMZ]
  
• Oh, wait: Nick had the theme park shut down as a surprise for Mariah. That is sweet. These two just might melt your cold cold heart. [ET]
  
• John Mayer had a show in Orlando last night and totally kissed Jennifer Aniston backstage between songs. [People]

• Did Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker avoid each other at the Sex And The City premiere after-party?
• Britney Spears hit a red Ford Explorer last night. Just a fender-bender. [TMZ]
• And Britney's "tummy" looks "swollen" so now there are pregnancy rumors. Same old, same old. [Mirror]
• Pete Doherty played his first post-jail gig last night and thanked fans for their support while he was inside. It would have been awesome if he'd started playing Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues." [Mirror]
• Uh-oh: David Thomson, Canada's richest man, has split with his fiancée, former O.C. actress Kelly Rowan, just weeks after she gave birth to his child. WTF. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which star of an upcoming blockbuster flick is a huge cad despite his image as a family man? Word is the actor is getting a little too touchy-feely with the ladies." [Rush & Molloy]
• Some conservative media whatchmacallit doesn't like Barbara Walters spilling her guts about her adulterous affair in her new book. "Barbara Walters is a shameless media whore," says Marc Dice of The Resistance. "Barbara has now sunk to the very level of other attention-starved celebrities such as Paris Hilton or even Steve-O from 'Jackass.'" Yeah... No.[Page Six]
• Ashley Olsen was seen on a date with an actor named Justin Bartha. Just so you know. [Page Six]
• Someone crushed Amanda Peet's baby stroller on an Amtrak train on Mother's Day. Boo. [Page Six]
• Does Diddy drink his own vodka, or does he prefer Malibu rum and pineapple? [Page Six]
• Two members of the '60s group The Turtles are suing Capitol Records over an Ice Cube song that samples their tunes. Cube's gonna have to shell out some dough, heh heh. [TMZ]
• Jennie Garth has signed on for the 90210 remake; now Tori Spelling is in talks to join the cast. Donna Martin graduates! [People]
• This is an actual headline: "Brody, Spencer Rekindle Their Bromance." Blerg. Brody Jenner has signed on to star in his own "unscripted" MTV series and it's possible that Spencer Pratt could be on the show. And yeah, the show is called Bromance. Try not to hurl. [E!]
• Actor James Garner (The Rockford Files, The Notebook) was hospitalized after suffering a minor stroke. [E!]
• Carmen Electra and her new fiancé Rob Patterson are already on the rocks, yawn. [Perez Hilton]
• Madonna is copying Oprah! She plans to build a school for girls in Malawi. [Reuters]
• Marisa Miller, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel are the hottest women in the world, according to the testosterone-fueled jackasses at Maxim. Just be blonde with big boobs and no hips or thighs and you, too can be on their pointless list. [People]
• Kim Kardashian and her siblings deny that they ran up more than $120,000 in charges on Brandy's credit card. This was back when Kim was a "stylist" and not whatever she is now. [People]
• Prepare yourself: Rumer Willis may be releasing a CD. [Perez Hilton]
• Ludacris went back to his old high school in Atlanta to find they'd painted his likeness in a mural and named the gym after him. [AP]
• Monty Python's John Cleese was ordered to pay his estranged wife £77,500 a month but he says his divorce from her is "worth every penny." [Telegraph]
• Is there another Marlon Brando love child? [Page Six]
• If you like Ed Westwick, Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass, you should click here. [ONTD]
• "All the men that like me are gay. It's true. I have a really strong gaydar. I do love gay men though." — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [The Sun]

• Mischa Barton claims she is a PhotoShop Of Horrors victim: A new batch of paparazzi beach shots showed her legs riddled with cellulite. "Those photos are doctored," Barton's rep, Lisa Perkins, says. "I'm not saying she's perfect, nobody is. But they've given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old." The pix were taken by the dude she's pissed at for snapping topless shots; the same one who ran Nicole Kidman off of the road. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• You can see the pictures here, with a regular paparazzi shot as well. Photoshop? [Daily Mail]
  
• Apparently Mariah Carey wanted a $3 million wedding with doves and orchids and Nick Cannon wanted to get married ASAP with no fuss. Mariah agreed because, as she has said, "We really do feel we are soulmates. I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me." Aww, that should be sweet but somehow it's fucking annoying. [Mirror]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen doing shots of tequila with Lauren Conrad! LL turned her back so no one would see; unfortunately she was facing a window and the whole bar could see her reflection. Whoops! [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Meanwhile: You know how Lindsay had finally gotten a movie role? In that Manson Girls flick? Well she's been kicked off of the project. Producers "discovered that they couldn't find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her," says Nikki Finke. [Deadline Hollywood via ONTD]

• It looks like officials in Malawi are all set to grant full adoption rights to Madonna. A document says: "Mr and Mrs Ritchie have shown a strong commitment in providing the infant with all essential needs like love, safe home environment, care, protection, material as well as emotional support." [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Simpson will be little sister Ashlee's maid of honor. At Ashlee's yet-to-be-scheduled wedding. [People]
• Jeremy Piven and Pink: Seen "all over each other" and "dancing really close." [Page Six]
• Alec Baldwin may want to switch careers. "In a matter of weeks, I'm going to be 50," he says. As long as he doesn't leave 30 Rock! [Page Six]
• Even though Tom Cruise told Oprah that he regrets his infamous argument on the Today show, Matt Lauer, Lauer says, "I don't think he needs to apologize. I don't feel there are any hard feelings. It was an interview. It was a good moment on television." Oh Matt. You're glib, Matt. Glib. [People]
• Jessica Alba challenges you to a staring contest. [People]
• Katie Holmes "has got the itch" to have another baby. Praise Xenu! [E!]
• Poor Uma Thurman may be in court again! Lancôme is suing Uma as a preemptive strike: Her contract as the face of the cosmetics company expired in 2005; yet her picture was seen in ads on Asian websites and on a Canadian billboard recently. [E!]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt get their locks lightened by the same colorist. News you can use. [E!]
• Josh Brolin as George W. Bush. [E!]
• Daisy Lowe, 19, is loving hanging out with new boyfriend Mark Ronson, 32. Sigh. [Daily Mail via ONTD]
• Um, Chloe Lattanzi, daughter of Olivia Newton-John and contestant on Rock The Cradle, seems to have had quite a bit of collagen injected into her lips. And maybe a nose job. [ONTD]
• When Simon Cowell was a teenager, he hated school so much he was practically suicidal. He says, "I was so bored. I didn't like rules or discipline. So when someone said, 'These are the best days of your life' I actually thought about jumping off a bridge." [Mirror]
• Foxy Brown pleaded guilty to "menacing" a woman with her BlackBerry in 2007 and thereby avoided going on trial for assault. Time for a kinder, gentler Foxy! [Reuters]
• There is audio of the domestic violence 911 call involving Vanilla Ice, if you care to hear it. [The Superficial]
• Madonna is endorsing secondary ticket sales for her upcoming tour, which means if at first it seems like it's sold out, it might not be — if you have the cash. [Financial Times]
• Ashton Kutcher slept around before he met Demi Moore, surprise, surprise. [The Sun]
• Daniel Depp got his debut novel published, maybe because he is Johnny Depp's (half) brother? [Independent]
• Hot hottie Gary Dourdan of CSI has been charged with felony drug possession. Maybe I'm old but I remember him best as the gorgeous man in the Janet Jackson video. [Yahoo News]
• Rihanna kissing Chris Brown at KFC! LOL! [Concrete Loop]

• Britney is doing another episode of How I Met Your Mother. Mere weeks after Neil Patrick Harris said he didn't want the pop star back! "Our show does not need stunt casting in order to succeed," he said in early April. Today's report claims "the show is ecstatic and so is Britney." [People]
  
• Prince William landed a military helicopter in his girlfriend's yard. Not exactly Standard Operating Procedure. [AP]
  
• Lindsay Lohan supported Samantha Ronson as Sam DJ'd at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone in Times Square. She danced and "really got into the music." Oh, and she was drinking. [People]
  
• Sandra Bullock and husband Jesse James were hit by a drunk driver Friday night in Gloucester, MA. No one was injured; the couple walked away from the accident. The woman driving the Subaru that jumped lanes and hit Bullock and James blew a .20 on the Breathalyzer - two and a half times the legal limit. [People]
  
• Kirsten Dunst and Ryan Gosling were making out at a New York City club. It's on. [Perez Hilton]

• There's a rumor that Paris Hilton wants to have a double wedding with Nicole Richie, so they can sell pictures from the ceremony and make millions. A rep says it's not true; we sorta suspect Paris would if she could, but Nicole ain't having it. [Page Six]
• Justin Timberlake and John Mayer attended the memorial service for Cameron Diaz' father on Sunday. A source says hardly anyone wore black to the service in Seal Beach: "Lots of people were wearing Hawaiian shirts. It looked more like a party." [People]
• Still-jailed Pete Doherty's been evicted from his nine-bedroom mansion (?!?!) because the landlord found blood on the walls and a stench from Pete's abandoned cats. [Mirror]
• Oh, and since there were reports that Pete was doing drugs in jail, authorities raided prison cells. They found stashes of heroin and cocaine. Sigh. [UPI]
• Jessica Simpson doesn't need hair and makeup people around 24/7 because Tony Romo likes her casual. Eyeroll. [MSNBC]
• Harrison Ford decided to pierce his ear years back after a "semi-drunken lunch with Ed Bradley and Jimmy Buffett, who were both wearing earrings." [Page Six]
• Madonna is asking the court in Malawi to delay her adoption hearing because she has business in the US to take care of. (Promoting her new album?) [Reuters]
• Gross! Some dude stole the bottom half of a replica of Jenna Jameson's body from an adult store in Fullerton, CA. I don't even want to know what he plans to do with it. [UPI]
• Kelly Clarkson sang for the pope, yawn. [People]
• Enrique Iglesias says he's been trying to get Anna Kournikova to marry him for years. Anna says: "I'm never getting married. Everything is good." [People]
• Pictures of Miley Cyrus in her bra are circulating? Is that legal? [Perez Hilton]
• Shia LaBeouf doesn't know how to pick up girls. [Page Six]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a Bret Michaels fan? LOL. The lure of the weave! [Page Six]
• Naomi Campbell: Seen smiling and being friendly at Heathrow airport. [Page Six]
• Marla Maples, 44, has been seen making out with Andy Baldwin, 31, who was on The Bachelor. Get it girl! [Page Six]
• Amy Winehouse's Bond theme is "going to be a classic," sources say. Bring it on! [Mirror]
• A new biography of Heath Ledger claims Naomi Watts wanted to have his baby. [News.com.au]
• The jerk who told John Travolta and Tom Cruise that he was Heath Ledger's dad says he's not sorry because he doesn't remember doing it. Also: He has more than 40 convictions for deception, including pretending to the The Rock to get free soccer tickets. [The Sun]
• Jennifer Aniston was on Oprah's Big Give. Did anyone watch? [People]
• Jude Law's son Rafferty, 11, will play the younger version of Jude's character in a sci-fi flick, Repossession Mambo, that comes out next year. [Mirror]
• Eli Manning married his college sweetheart, Abby McGrew, in Mexico on Saturday. [People]
• Another wedding: Tia Mowry from Sister, Sister married actor Cory Hardrict in Santa Barbara on Sunday. [People]
• Waitresses from Olive Garden, naked in Playboy??!! Cue loss of appetite. [Page Six]

• Seriously? The White House Correspondents dinner must not be what we think it is, because Pamela Anderson, Lauren Conrad and Perez Hilton (and Donatella Versace) are invited. [ONTD]
  
• Newly-engaged Ashlee Simpson says her sister Jessica is "overflowing with joy" and dad Joe has given her and fiancé Pete Wentz his blessing. [People]
  
• Lily Allen was kicked out of the men's room at a club in London — and she was with Razorlight singer Johnny Borrell. [Mirror]
  
• Kate Hudson on PhotoShopping: "I just tend to let those things go. I can't tell you how many covers of magazines I've been on when my eyes were blue. I don't have blue eyes. I have green eyes. So, you just kind of go with it, you know, it's like it is, what it is and that's what people do, you know." [The Star]
  
• A tabloid editor says Jay-Z and Beyoncé's wedding only made the cover of one weekly magazine because "African-Americans don't sell covers." [Gatecrasher]

• "Just good friends" Chris Brown and Rihanna were seen "hugging and dancing" at a birthday party. [Page Six]
• Madonna is expected to appear in court in Malawi in 2 weeks for a final ruling on her adoption. We all know it's gonna happen, right? She's had that kid since 2006. [Reuters]
• An Indian pandit — which is like some kinda spiritual teacher — will travel to Mexico to bless Heidi Klum and hubs Seal on their third wedding anniversary, May 10. Damn, they're so international! [Times Of India]
• Paul McCartney is going on a huge world tour in the fall, and the always-classy UK papers are calling it the "divorce tour." [Mirror]
• Heather Mills said of Paul on morning TV: "I think he's got three different girlfriends so I wish all the girls the best of luck. Better them than me." [Mirror]
• Paula Abdul's boyfriend "isn't too invested" in the relationship and "flirts with a lot of women." [MSNBC]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom, Blythe Danner, is swearing up and down that Gwynnie and Chris Martin are happily married. [People]
• Neil Patrick Harris doesn't want Britney back on How I Met Your Mother. "Our show does not need stunt casting in order to succeed," he says. [USA Today]
• That nude photo of Carla Bruni — shot by photographer Michel Comte in 1993 — sold for $91,000, [Guardian]
• Dolly Parton helped a young American bald eagle that had been blown from its nest return to the wild. She named the bird Liberty. "I thought that sounded better than Baldy." [Yahoo News]
• "It doesn't matter how much I get paid for something. Having integrity definitely hurts your buying sprees, but I can sleep at night." —Evan Rachel Wood. [LA Times]
• At the casting for Paris Hilton's new TV show — in which she searches for a "new BFF" — took place yesterday in New York. "It looked like Barbie threw up in there," says a source. "All the girls looked like versions of Donatella Versace. They all had bleached blond hair, too-dark tans and were wearing tight, shiny dresses. All the guys that were there were gay. The whole thing was so bizarre." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rising young actress was informed at a recent film party that Jane Fonda wanted to meet her? "I don't give a shit," came the jaded response." [Gatecrasher]
• Alright stop. Collaborate and listen: Robert Van Winkle, better known as Vanilla Ice, was arrested last night for domestic battery. Apparently he had an argument with his wife and pushed her. [TMZ]
• Sean Diddy Combs needed five stitches after cutting his foot on a champagne glass while partying at his Miami home last weekend. Raise your hand if you want to be barefoot and sipping champagne ASAP. [TMZ]
• Ed Asner to ex-wife: Get a job. [USA Today]
• The 73-year-old 3 foot 8 inch actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars has been hospitalized. May the force be with him. [TMZ]
• OMFG have you seen the new Gossip Girl ad? [TMZ]

• A fight broke out on the set of Pharrell's new video a few hours before Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson showed up. Oh, and the N.E.R.D. song, "Everybody Nose," is about girls waiting on line for a club bathroom to do coke. [Page Six]
  
• Hey, guess who is making a cameo appearance in that video about cocaine? Your girl Lindsay! Classy. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Contrary to earlier reports, a source says Lindsay's album is on track to be released this fall. [People]
  
• As previously reported, Anne Hathaway's boyfriend, Italian property developer Raffaelo Follieri, was arrested for trying to pass a bad check for $250,000. [People]
  
• Also as previously reported: Naomi Campbell was arrested after a kerfluffle at Heathrow's Terminal 5, after a dispute involving a missing piece of luggage. Since Terminal 5 opened last week, more than 28,000 bags have been separated from their owners. Naomi is out on bail and must report to the police station in late May. [Yahoo News]
  
• There's some new strain of medical marijuana people are calling "Tom Cruise Purple" and guess whose lawyers are investigating? Spoil sport. [Rush & Molloy]

• Are Beyoncé and Jay-Z getting married today? [Mirror]
• It seems like they are! Guests must wear ivory and the location was not on the invitation. [Concrete Loop]
• Madonna's new video, "4 Minutes," is out! Watch Madge and Justin Timberlake undulate and flirt! [People]
• Officials in Malawi are backing Madonna's effort to adopt David Banda, which looks like a go — we'll know when she visits the country next week. [Mirror]
• Prince William and girlfriend Kate Middleton were seen dancing, giggling and kissing at a charity event with a burlesque theme. Is he gonna marry her or what? [People]
• Nicolas Cage has won libel action against the Daily Mail and actress Kathleen Turner over false allegations that he'd been arrested for drunk driving and had stolen a dog. [Guardian]
• George Clooney's request for a writing credit on new film Leatherheads was denied by the Writers Guild, so Clooney has withdrawn from the union. [Reuters]
• "Motherhood has never been an ambition. I don't think like that. I never have expectations like, 'When I'm 19 I'm going to do this, and by the time I've hit 25 I'm going to do that'. I just take things as they come, each day at a time, and if things happen then all well and good." — Renee Zellweger. [ONTD]
• Kate Moss and Agyness Deyn are in a spat, yawn. [Mirror]
• Scott Storch had trouble getting into a club and it made the papers. [Page Six]
• Maya Angelou is turning 80 this weekend, so Oprah is throwing her a huge three-day party in Palm Beach! Perhaps our invitation was lost in the mail? [Page Six]
• Chloe Sevigny collapsed on the way to the Nylon anniversary party she was supposed to be hosting due to a viral infection. [Page Six]
• Mick Jagger wears Nikes with platform soles so he can measure up to his 6 foot 2 girlfriend L'Wren Scott. You make a grown man cry! [Page Six]
• Heather Mills is moving to New York. Sigh. [Gatecrasher]
• Hmm, Yoko Ono is sympathetic to Heather Mills. "It's not very easy for a woman to be associated with The Beatles," Yoko says. [Mirror]
• Shanna Moakler, former Miss USA and ex of Blink 182's Travis Barker, is now datng Jay Grdina, Jenna Jameson's ex. Romantic. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which publicist for the wife of one of Hollywood's biggest old school action stars doubles as a rep for her skin-care range? A journalist who recently expressed polite interest in the line was offered the chance to buy some." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which proud new papa cheated on his fiancée two years ago with a famous starlet? The two were hanging at a private bash in his apartment when the mood turned a little lustful." [Rush & Molloy]
• Really? More Ashley Dupre Girls Gone Wild photos? So over it. [TMZ]
• 50 Cent's baby mama wants to stay in her $2.4 million Long Island mansion even thought 50 owns the house and they split up years ago. [TMZ]
• Kelly Ripa says she's "so excited" for Kathie Lee Gifford's stint on the Today show. Babe, you're the only one. [People]
• Former ANTM contestant Yaya has been cast on All My Children. Act with your eyes! [ONTD]
• Hulk Hogan is "very happy" with his new girlfriend, Jennifer McDaniel, who is — surprise! — a busty blonde, much like his wife. And daughter. [People]
• During the first week of the Beijing Olympics, Mia Farrow will be in Darfur, protesting China's involvement in that region of Africa. [Yahoo News]
• Kevin Federline has spent $50,489 in Vegas over an eight-month period. Guess who pays his credit card bills? The "Bank Of Britney." [TMZ]
• Britney and her mom went shopping at Ed Hardy for birthday presents for Jamie Lynn — today is JLS's 17th birthday. [People]
• Will Britney return to How I Met Your Mother? [USA Today]
• Survey says: No. [ONTD]

• Will Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson tie the knot? ScarJo was seen at the Monique Lhuillier boutique in L.A. looking at wedding dresses. Hey, isn't she engaged to Barack Obama? [Page Six]
  
• Amy Winehouse won five Grammys last night, including record of the year, song of the year and best new artist. Woo hoo! [People]
  
• Keith Richards on Amy Winehouse: "She should get her act together." Hello, pot? This is kettle... [Reuters]
  
• Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, told Amy he attempted to hang himself in his jail cell — but it never happened. Says a source, "He wants to pile on the guilt so she can't leave him. He's utterly controlling, even when behind bars." [The Sun]

• Writers and producers have reached an agreement which should end the writers' strike by next week; expect the Oscars to move forward! With jokes penned by Jon Stewart! [People]
• Sam Lutfi, who still has not received a restraining order filed by Britney's father — because the servers can never find him — was seen in the VIP lounge at L.A. club Area where Paris Hilton was celebrating her birthday. WTF. [E!]
• Lindsay Lohan reportedly pointed to Paris Hilton at a pre-Grammy bash and said: "What the hell is that bitch doing here? I didn't know she was on the list." Paris replied, "Fuck off you bitch." OMG catfight! [Mirror]
• Rob Lowe is writing an "anecdotal, good-natured memoir." 1988 sex tape details? Anyone? [Crain's]
• Michelle Williams and other mourners at Heath Ledger's funeral walked into the ocean for a quick plunge as a way of saying goodbye to Heath. [People]
• Tim Burton and his ex, Lisa Marie, are going to court: She claims there was a conspiracy against her getting her fair share of his assets after they broke up. Burton dumped Marie for Helena Bonham Carter while they were shooting Planet Of The Apes. Messy business. [E!]
• Justin Chambers, who checked in and out of the psych ward at UCLA Medical Center, is reportedly doing "just fine." The Grey's star suffers from a sleeping disorder and entered the hospital because he was exhausted. [People]
• Britney's business manager is being fired and her divorce attorney has asked the court permission to drop her as a client. Hopefully this stuff will get untangled soon. [People]
• Cameron Diaz and Ellen Pompeo are interested in the same $5.5 million NYC apartment, boofuckinghoo. [Page Six]
• David Beckham attended a pre-Grammy party in Hollywood, where he kissed a fan who proceeded to faint. Bex "just said 'Get her some water. She'll be OK.'" Guess it happens all the time. [People]
• The Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce payout could break the UK record of £48 million. Which would buy quite a few prosthetic legs. [Guardian]
• Porn star Michael Lucas posed for pictures with Victoria Beckham and reports that Posh's complexion is terrible. "Her skin is yellow with big pores," he says. "Each pore you could fit a big [piece of] caviar in." [The Cut]
• The Information Minister of Malawi says Madonna has done so much for the country she should not be denied rights to be a parent to her son David Banda — or "many more Malawian children." [Reuters]
• R.I.P. Roy Scheider, star of Jaws and All That Jazz. [UPI]

• Jennifer Lopez is expected to file suit against former Sweetface design partner Andy Hilfiger, ostensibly because, uh, the line really sucks. Hilfiger, meanwhile, is expected to countersue because Lopez' hubby Marc Anthony is a psychotic asshole. [NY Daily News]
  
• In a strange twist of fate, PETA's new phone number was previously "owned" by designer Zac Posen's mother, Susan Posen. Now, when people call the number looking for Susan, PETA officials kindly inform them that her son is murdering animals for his designs. [NY Daily News]
  
• Kim Cattrall: Future PETA target? It appears her wardrobe is awfully croc-skin heavy in the upcoming Sex and the City movie. [WWD, 6th item]
  
• Karl Lagerfeld won a raffle? That seems wrong, somehow. [WWD, 3rd item]

• "I have a soft spot for Galliano; Alexander McQueen, however, that's a different story for another day." —Manolo Blahnik [Fashion Week Daily]
• The entire Elle fashion department (including Joe Zee, Anne Slowey, and Project Runway star Nina Garcia) were eating dinner at NYC restaurant Indochine at the very same time that French Vogue's Carine Roitfeld was at the restaurant for her son's birthday. [Fashion Week Daily]
• LOL of course Madonna is co-hosting Gucci's upcoming February fundraising event "A Night to Benefit Raising Malawi and UNICEF." [WWD, 1st item]
• Louis Vuitton and the Burlington Coat Factory have reached a settlement over that whole manufacturing and selling of fake bags things. [Sassybella]
• Boutique perfume label Bond No. 9's top nose Laurice Rahme has launched the first-ever known perfume bottle recycling initiative. Under Rahme's direction, all Bond No. 9 stores and counters will accept empty perfume bottles of any brand and ensure the glass is recycled. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Natalia Vodianova is the face of the upcoming Diane von Furstenberg spring 2008 advertising campaign, the first ad campaign DVF has had in decades. We never realized that Diane didn't advertise, which gives us weird, newfound respect for the wrap dress. [Vogue UK]
• For Vogue's Lauren Davis' upcoming nuptials, each of her socialite bridesmaids has been paired with a different designer who will create a different gown for each woman. (Participating designers are Derek Lam, Proenza Schouler, Vera Wang, Giambattista Valli, and Alberta Ferretti.) This is why we hate socialites. [Fashion Week Daily]
• For the gay geek in your life: A Chloe iPhone! [Portfolio]