Maybe we should call this post the worstCover Lies, as the most egregiously mendacious covers are often the most fun to mock. Regardless, here's a little tour of what some of the glossies were really saying in 2009.
In response to Flavorwire's helpful taxonomy of people by favorite indie band, we've come up with an extremely scientific system categorizing people by the magazines they read. Find yourself, after the jump.
Hollywood Life editor and former celeb-weekly queen Bonnie Fullersays of the celebrity gossip habit, "It's helping women. Of course it's healthy."
More »
How does a celebrity keep a fading, potentially unflattering story about digital manipulation alive? She gets her legal counsel to intervene with a stern missive to bloggers that, like many women's magazine images, bears little to no resemblance to reality.
More »
You've gotta chuckle when she calls the people who run women's magazines "war criminals." But if she thinks women won't get "attacked" online, she's clearly never been to any gossip or fashion websites.
It wasn't easy for a starlet to get through this decade with her cover-worthy popularity intact. These women survived waning attention spans and editorial capriciousness to emerge with their newsstand cred unscathed. Number one isn't who you think it is.
"That wasn't me. I had to work at it, but I knew that once I had achieved it, people would respond to me in a certain way." — Jennifer Lopez on her singing, to Allure. [The Life Files]
The Lady Gaga/Britney Elle is all about makeovers (also called "Make Better"): From reinvented Catholic schoolgirls to those who used their uniforms to turn a profit, the issue offers many reasons not to reinvent oneself in the New Year.
More »
Yoga at 5 a.m. Knife-skills classes at a kitchenware store. Opting for her bike or the streetcar to get around. Voguecover girlRachel McAdams is the anti-diva, okay?
More »
Inside, when asked about her racy album shots, she says: "At one point [the record label chairman] came into the shoot, and he was like, 'Rihanna, put some fucking clothes on!'" Additional images below. [The Life Files, ONTD/Rihanna Daily]
More »
Ms. Stone definitely has long legs, but this shot by Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott (responsible for Demi Moore's Wcover) exaggerates her limbs and height, turning her into a giant Barbie. As in: Where are her nipples? [BlackBook]
Men's Health has remained constant, by recycling headlines, but younger sister Women's Health has been charting a whole new path: turning into Cosmo-lite. This happened for many of the same reasons that all women's fitness magazines are so lobotomized.
More »
This month's Marie Claire includes a David Letterman-inspired article that explains why "bonking the boss" is a bad idea, yet still makes office affairs sound sexy. But more importantly, did Natalie Portman hook up with Sean Penn?
More »
Sometimes ideas in edgy fashion magazines end up going mainstream and show up in glossy corporate-owned ladymags. But in a reversal, V Magazine's January issue will feature plus-size models, months afterGlamour's plus-size issue. V editor-in-chief Stephen Gan says:
More »
"Just look at the features in men's magazines. They're often much meatier than the fare you find in women's magazines. What does that tell you? That guys aren't afraid to spend an hour reading a great piece of writing." [MediaBistro]
If your boyfriend or husband has been laid off recently, beware: All that free time has turned him into a chronic masturbator, and he's singlehandedly (heh) ruining your sex life. Cosmo recommends you crack the whip — literally.
More »
The Japanese fashion scene is varied and fascinating. While most Westerners are familiar with the Harajuku teen style (popularized by Fruits Magazine), and the more intricate movements like Gothic-Lolita, my personal favorite is "onee-kei": older sister style.
More »
The Year's 10 Best Cover Lies
What Your Favorite Magazine Says About You
In response to Flavorwire's helpful taxonomy of people by favorite indie band, we've come up with an extremely scientific system categorizing people by the magazines they read. Find yourself, after the jump.January Vogue: Everything Old Is ... Still Old
Bonnie Fuller Says She's "Helping Women"
Hollywood Life editor and former celeb-weekly queen Bonnie Fuller says of the celebrity gossip habit, "It's helping women. Of course it's healthy." More »Retro Photoshop Of Horrors: The Mischa Barton Hand Job Of 2004
Lies, Hollywood Lawyers & The Continuing Case Of Demi's Left Leg
Joy Behar Muses About The Demise Of Women's Magazines
You've gotta chuckle when she calls the people who run women's magazines "war criminals." But if she thinks women won't get "attacked" online, she's clearly never been to any gossip or fashion websites.The 15 Most Popular Ladymag Cover "Models"
"It Wasn't Like It Was With Marc, Who Opened His Mouth At Age three And Was Blessed With A Voice From God"
"That wasn't me. I had to work at it, but I knew that once I had achieved it, people would respond to me in a certain way." — Jennifer Lopez on her singing, to Allure. [The Life Files]Elle: The New Year's 'Make Better' Metamorphosis
Rachel McAdams Could Not Be Any More Down-To-Earth
Yoga at 5 a.m. Knife-skills classes at a kitchenware store. Opting for her bike or the streetcar to get around. Vogue cover girl Rachel McAdams is the anti-diva, okay? More »Rihanna Goes Topless For GQ's January 2010 Issue
Inside, when asked about her racy album shots, she says: "At one point [the record label chairman] came into the shoot, and he was like, 'Rihanna, put some fucking clothes on!'" Additional images below. [The Life Files, ONTD/Rihanna Daily] More »Lara Stone Is A Living Doll On The Cover Of Love
Ms. Stone definitely has long legs, but this shot by Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott (responsible for Demi Moore's W cover) exaggerates her limbs and height, turning her into a giant Barbie. As in: Where are her nipples? [BlackBook]Sex Sells: The Cosmo-fication Of Women's Health
Marie Claire: Natalie Portman On Muses, Schtupping Sean Penn
The Pros & Cons Of V Magazine's Plus-Size Issue
Jennifer Garner Is The Non-Hollywood Hollywood Star
Jennifer Garner gets a profile and edgy black-and-white photoshoot in W because she's a famous Hollywood actress. But reading the interview, you get the idea that that's not who she wants to be. More »Details Editor Says Men's Magazines Better Than Women's
"Just look at the features in men's magazines. They're often much meatier than the fare you find in women's magazines. What does that tell you? That guys aren't afraid to spend an hour reading a great piece of writing." [MediaBistro]Glamour: In 2010, Resolve Not To Put Popcorn In Your Vagina
Cosmo's 50 Ways To Scare Your Lover
Fun With Fashion: Onee-Kei Is Cute, Not Costumey