• Lindsay Lohan has returned from India!

While there, she visited the Sanlaap women's and children's shelter outside Calcutta. She spent about 3 hours with people there, and watched dance performances by the children. With her was a four-person camera crew from the BBC, and, at one point, Lindsay wore a bindi. Of course. [People]

• If you have $300, you can buy a "Marc Jacob" bag from LohanHouse.com, where Lindsay and her family are selling gently used clothes, shoes, hats, bags, and "collectables." [Page Six, Lohan House]
• Chris Brown is pissed that stores are not carrying his new CD, Graffiti. He wrote on his Twitter: "im tired of this shit. major stores r blackballing my cd. not stockin the shelves and lying to costumers. what the fuck do i gotta do... WTF... yeah i said it and i aint retracting shit. im not biting my tongue about shit else... the industry can kiss my ass." He said of a Walmart in Connecticut: "They didn't even have my album in the back… not on shelves, saw for myself. the manager told me that when there are new releases its mandatory to put em on the shelves.. BUT NO SIGN OF GRAFFITI." [MSNBC Scoop, Twitter, Page Six, Gatecrasher]
• Lily Allen may have smoked a cigarette during a concert last week; and if the Liverpool City Council can prove she was smoking, she and the venue could be fined. The council is asking "witnesse" to rat Lily out. [BBC News]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: "In love" and moving in together in the new year. As you may recall, their romance began on the set of Alfie; then Jude cheated on her with his children's nanny. Forgive but not forget? [The Sun]
• Playgirl has turned down alleged nude photos of Tiger Woods — apparently taken by Tiger himself. The magazine's spokesperson Daniel Nardicio says: "They were impossible to 100 percent verify, hence the unwillingness to go there." [People]
• Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, is not in Sweden, despite some reports. She is in the guest house, which, while large, is not another country. [TMZ]
• Consulting firm Accenture is the first corporate sponsor to officially drop Tiger Woods. [NY Post]
• Tiger Woods' wife will reportedly dump him after Christmas and is talking to a divorce lawyer. As for Tiger, he is seeing a therapist. Allegedly. [Radar Online]
• This report claims that Elin Nordegren wants a trial separation. but that Tiger Woods wants to take a cruise on his yacht with her and convince her to stay with him and have another baby. (?1?!) [NY Post]
• Here, Cori Rist, who hooked up with Tiger Woods, is called a "spectacular escort." [Rush & Molloy]
• According to this report: Tiger Woods and Rachel Uchitel are both in Palm Beach, Florida. But he's on his yacht; she's with her family. [TMZ]
• "Tiger Woods Cheated As Dad Died. Star Bedded Jamie Jungers As Father Lay Dying In Hospital." [Radar Online]
• Gerald Posner reports that Tiger Woods had a "separate team handle his trysts," and that Rachel Uchitel could be getting $5 million to stay quiet. [The Daily Beast]
• A source says Uma Thurman's ex-fiancé was too controlling: "It seemed like he always wanted to run the show… He wanted to bring in his own chef and his own security. He'd talk about redesigning her house in the city and knocking down buildings at her place upstate." [Rush & Molloy]
• Russell Brand was seen spotted shopping for diamonds at Cartier, fueling speculation he's going to ask Katy Perry to marry him. [Daily Mail]
• Is Prince William a "shadow King"? [NY Daily News]
• Jay-Z is well-loved by his Rocawear employees, whose Christmas gift to him was a video spoof of his hit single, "Empire State of Mind." [Page Six]
• Behold: Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper in the 2010 MAC Viva Glam ad campaign, shot by Ellen von Unwerth. [The Life Files]
• Susan Boyle says he life hasn't changed that much: "I have everything I had before – it's just a little more interesting now." She hasn't really splurged on too much: She bought "a red couch and some cushions." And, she says: "To anyone who has a dream I say follow that dream. You are never too old. It is never too late. And dreams can become a reality." [People]
• What do we think of Carey Hart's Day-of-the-Dead-style tattoo of Pink? [The Life Files]
• Guy Ritchie is thinking of opening a branch of his London pub, the Punch Bowl, in New York. [Daily Express]
• Sad face: Grizz from 30 Rock is suffering from severe hypertension and has to be on a dialysis machine three times a week. He's on the waiting list for a kidney transplant, but need to lose 75 pounds before he's considered a viable candidate. And the wait is 5 years. He talks about all this on Dr. Oz's show on Tuesday. [NY Daily News]
• The Los Angeles Film Critics Association and the Boston Society of Film Critics agree: Mo'Nique's performance in Precious and Kathryn Bigelow's The Hurt Locker were some of the best moments in film this year. [People]
• Lots of Kerry Washington's favorite places in New York are food-related. [NY Post]
• Candy Spelling, a panelist on E!'s new series, Bank of Hollywood — produced by Ryan Seacrest — says: "I don't have to work. I'm not putting up my own money! We all contributed our salaries, but I wasn't going to pay [the contestants] to be on TV… I love giving of my time and money — I'm very charitable and sit on three nonprofit boards and two city boards as commissioner — but… then I would just be donating money and leaving it up to the contestants as to how it's spent. We all felt a strong responsibility about how they would spend the money." Yeah, I don't know either, but it sounds snotty. [NY Post]
• Sarah Ferguson, ex-Duchess Of York, says she's going to start a historical novel, starring an aristocratic redhead and set in the eighteenth century, "sort of like Pride and Prejudice meets 24. It's actually me putting myself in the eighteenth century… I can just imagine how it would be, and I have such fun!" [New York Magazine]
• Groan: Spencer Pratt now owns a music company, King Spencer Music. Be afraid. [TMZ]
• Entourage's Kevin Connolly says he thinks Rex Lee didn't really mean it when he said he was made fun of on the set because of his ethnicity and sexuality. Pardon? [TMZ]
• At the link, an obituary for Natasha Richardson by Ralph Fiennes. [Guardian]
• Add Kid Rock and Dave Grohl to the list of musicians suing bars for playing unlicensed music. [TMZ]
• LOL: 21-year-old Ekaterina Ivanova is calling ex-boyfriend, 65-year-old Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood, an "evil goblin." [Telegraph]
• CSI Miami's Jonathan Togo was arrested Friday for allegedly getting violent in a fight with his girlfriend; he was booked for felony domestic violence. [TMZ]
• A year after being rejected on TV, Bachelor contestant Melissa Rycroft got married. But not to a guy from TV. [Us Magazine]
• "Garth Brooks & Trisha Yearwood Celebrate Anniversary at McDonald's." [People]
• The Princess And The Frog was number one at the box office with a modest $25 million. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Bentley Meeker is a celebrity lighting guru and you are not. [Page Six]
• "I don't want to talk about him, except that I like him… I think everyone needs an adventure buddy." — Holly Madison on Benji Madden. [People]
• "Whenever anybody say they are going to give me some kind of award, I'm always a little stupefied by the notion. The first thing I say is 'why?' I just go to work like anyone else, except my job happens to be a little stranger." — Johnny Depp, when receiving a career achievement award at the Bahamas International Film Festival. [AP]
• "It makes certain cities impossible to live in. Like Sydney, it makes it impossible for us to live there… We certainly don't get that treatment in Tennessee. But it goes with the territory. It's just, we have to be careful, just to maintain some sort of semblance of a normal life for our child." — Nicole Kidman says attention from photographers is the reason she won't live in Sydney. [News.com.au]
• "I don't have a personal vendetta against Nicole Kidman… These are Machiavellian games that are being played and they are just not right. If she doesn't want to be photographed she should change her profession and become a butcher." — Paparazzo Jamie Fawcett, whom Nicole Kidman has requested a restraining order against and also took to court for placing a listening bug outside her home and following her in his car. [News.com.au]
• "Breaking up the band was a mistake because I think it broke trust with the audience. You had an audience that was very invested in that idea - whether they were invested in the people or the idea or the songs, I don't know. Like a relationship that you break off from and then try to pick back up, it's never quite the same. It doesn't mean it can't be as good, but it has to be different. That beautiful original feeling got lost in the interim of being away. If we had said, 'We just went away for seven years,' it would have been similar, but somehow breaking up, there's a violence to it." — Billy Corgan, on the Smashing Pumpkins. [WENN via Spinner]
• "If I didn't act, I'd be a nutcase. Some people have to do it. They have a lot of emotion they have to get out." — Rachel Weisz, who's in The Lovely Bones. [News.com.au]
• "My body is falling apart. The only way that I could do it is if I played a character who gets shot in the left leg and the right shoulder in the opening scene." — Kenny Rogers says he is too "decrepit" to be in Christmas In Canaan, the movie based on the book he wrote. [Daily Express]
• "Sometimes when I watch the show back I think we've gone too far because I see the pre-story beforehand, I can then see the audition from their perspective and there are times where I think I could have handled that better or I was in a bad mood and I was too rude. At the same time... no-one is sort of dragged kicking and screaming onto the audition set." — Simon Cowell. [BBC News]
• "A journalist went up to my  husband once and said 'did you know that dating anyone more than three years younger than you is considered pedophilia?' [Peter shot back] 'Really? My wife is seven years younger.'" — Maggie Gyllenhaal. [Gatecrasher]
• "Angry African-American women, you know, thought that it would be the image that people would associate with them. Virginiaca is definitely art imitating life, but I understand where they're coming from, and I don't have to project that onto mainstream America. What's funny is funny. This place is well known for getting angry letters — Lorne keeps 50 of them outside his office. It keeps you grounded in the fact that in late-night comedy, you're going to have to burn somebody." — Kenan Thompson. [New York Magazine]
• "I say 'Be Italian' many times in the song, but it was important to me that every time I say it, it have a different meaning, because there are so many different things about being Italian. There's love of life and food and sex and drink. There's love of dancing, love of singing. So it was putting all that into it." — Fergie, on her song in Nine. [NY Post]
• "The negative stuff is crazy and the positive stuff is crazy… I actually see all the discussion and controversy and, you know, 'Is it Smurfs and Dances With Wolves in space?' and all this crap, as good. It fuels interest. All those people that go online and repeatedly dismiss the movie day after day, I know they're going to be there watching it." — James Cameron on Avatar. [NY Post]
• "I think every little girl should be able to feel themselves the princess. I think every little girl is worthy of having a princely young man, and vice versa. It's really thrilling that Zahara will never have a moment where she didn't see herself in that light. She's Ethiopian. She comes from kings and queens. She should certainly know herself as a princess." — The Princess And The Frog's Anika Noni Rose, responding to Angelina Jolie's claim that she's ecstatic that daughter Zahara has a role model. [Ok!]
• "I'm working out again. I'm going to make the sequel to 300. My pecs will be glistening. I'll have a codpiece. I'm going to blow your mind." — Alec Baldwin. [Rush & Molloy]

[Hollywood, December 9. Image via x17.]

• Ian Halperin, who is pushing his book, Brangelina : The Untold Story, claims that Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston had a "heated confrontation" at a deserted Hollywood restaurant after Brad and Jen's 2006 divorce. Halperin says:

"Jen was upset and shouted at Angelina . . . There was an altercation, it got pretty heated . . . It reduced Jen to tears." Um, he also claims that before meeting Brad, Angelina was "interested" in other married men: "She said she wanted to go after either Bill Clinton or Johnny Depp." But for business reasons, no? Anyway: Grain of salt. [Page Six]

• Dumb/untrue headline of the day: "Only Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Would Take An Eight-Year-Old To See A Film About Nelson Mandela." [Daily Mail]
• Roman Polanski began his house arrest in an Alpine chalet in the luxury resort of Gstaad today. [AP]
• Miley Cyrus's tattoo allegedly says "Just Breathe," but the rumor that she got her boyfriend's name inked probably started since she dated a dude named Justin. Just, Justin. Just saying. [Daily Mail]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: So back on? Or just friends? [Page Six]
• "Sources" say that the reason Rachel Uchitel canceled her press conference about Tiger Woods is because Tiger gave her $1 million. [MSNBC]
• TMZ says Tiger didn't pay Rachel, but that she canceled her press conference because she was "scared for her safety" and fears"all the other people caught in what is becoming a very large net." What the hell does that mean? [TMZ]
• According to a report, Tiger Woods' mom and mother-in-law were at his house the night of the incident and came outside after the cops showed up, with Tiger's mom asking, "What happened?" [USA Today}
• "Sources say Bryon Bell, a childhood friend and President of Tiger Woods Design, bought a plane ticket for Rachel Uchitel to go to Australia in mid-November to secretly spend time with Tiger. The ticket was purchased by Bell using a credit card. He also booked a room for Uchitel at the Crown Towers Hotel in Melbourne." The trip, of course, was booked to coincide with the Australian Masters, which Tiger won. [TMZ]
• TMZ has emails between Byron Bell and Rachel Uchitel. [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods is allegedly offering his wife Elin $80 million to stay for seven years in a revised prenup. Worth it? [NY Daily News]
• Destiny's Child is reuniting — in court for a lawsuit over the song "Cater 2 U." A source says: "Matthew [Knowles] has a long history of trying to get songwriters to add Beyoncé's name to songs she didn't compose, just so she gets publishing royalties." Kelly Rowland is pissed, apparently, that she is even involved. [Gatecrasher]
• The usually conservatively dressed Taylor Swift wears a bikini in a new video clip. [NY Daily News]
• WTF headline of the day: "Kim Kardashian: I'm Back to My Ninth-Grade Weight." Next goal: 3rd grade! Then sexy as a fetus! [E!]
• This picture of some of the kids from Glee about to sing in Bryant Park = awesome. [Gatecrasher]
• Hollywood kids in love! Patrick Schwarzenegger is seeing Tallulah Willis. [Page Six]
• Naomi Campbell went to Art Basel in Miami and a source says: "She was pretty rude, didn't bid on anything, and spent the whole time clinging to her boyfriend. Who shows up to a charity event with a bodyguard?" Is she obligated to bid on anything? What if the bodyguard was for her wealthy Russian beau? This story reeks of sour grapes. [Page Six]
• Rihanna told some radio station DJs that she likes a tall guy with a big dick. Audio at the link. [TMZ]
• In an unrelated incident, Rihanna was the subject of a random search at LAX. [NY Post]
• The other Real Housewives of NYC don't like new housewife Sonja Morgan. "I had never watched the show before I joined, " she says. "If I had, I probably wouldn't be on it." [Gatecrasher]
• It's Britney's birthday! Celebrate with this "28 Years In 28 Pictures" column. [Pop Wrap]
• Busta Rhymes was fined $75,000 because a man claims he was assaulted by the rapper at a concert. [NY Post]
• Steve-O has been clean and sober and criminal violation-free for 18 months, earning him dismissal of a cocaine-possession charge. [E!]
• "There's 16 different licenses that I do; I do acting, music and TV. It's a lot of fun, so right now we're creating some different TV shows which I'm going to star in as well as produce and I'm just finishing up my new album." — Paris Hilton has a new perfume and a bunch of other projects and she is not going away. [Mirror]
• "It's hard for me. My wife passed away seven months ago and I don't want to think about the afterlife. I don't believe in that sort of thing. It'd be nice, if it were there. Woody Allen has that great quote where he says he doesn't believe in an afterlife, although he's bringing a change of underwear. That's how I feel." — Stanley Tucci, who plays a pedophile in The Lovely Bones, which deals with life after death, in a way. He shot Julie & Julia afterward, and says: "That film was the antidote to this one, and was exactly what I needed to do. I stayed at home, worked with Meryl, laughed a ton and made martinis every night. We're like two children together and laugh all the time, which is why we get along so well." [WSJ]
• "Of course, we feel like for us to put out an album titled Greatest Hits would maybe insinuate that we've got nothing left. I look at it as the end of Chapter 1—the first 15 years. I never thought we would last more than two albums. It wasn't meant to be a band. I would've called it something else if it were meant to be a band. Something other than Foo Fighters, I swear." — More great quotes from Dave Grohl at the link. [Time]
• "I'm getting my child a mortgage. She split time between New York and L.A. growing up, but she's a New Yorker. It's a house in the West Village, which is all she wants in life." — Courtney Love is giving Frances Bean property for Christmas. [Style.com]
• "There were a ton of paparazzi in the café with their huge cameras and laptops. I was like, 'Peter, oh my god, they are so into us. They're swarming us. We are so important.' It turns out Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were living on that street. It was the winter, so the photographers would go into the café to download their pictures."— earlier this year, Maggie Gyllenhaal thought she and Peter Sarsgaard were the toast of New York. [E!]
• "I feel the consequences of that every day. I was going to put the hose in the most noxious of the cars I own, a Jeep, take some sleeping pills and take a nice nap in the front seat of my car in the garage." — Alec Baldwin, on calling his daughter a "rude, thoughtless little pig" in a voicemail. [Daily Express via Men's Journal]
• "It's been amazing [to have twin daughters] but complicated because of my current work schedule, which I have enormous regrets about… One would prefer to be held 24 hours a day, and the other is already suffering from type A issues. It is the eternal conflict of every working woman. I've done this to myself. And I have a wonderful, wonderful nanny who allows me to be a working person. The great challenge for me is to be all things to all people; I want to be a great mother, and I want to feel good when I'm at work. But it is hard." — Sarah Jessica Parker regrets filming Sex And The City Part Deux. [NY Daily News via Glamour]

[New York, October 26. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[New York, September 29. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• One of Jessica Simpson's "friends" claims she's at her lowest point ever after losing her dog because, "Daisy was her baby... It's going to put her into a tailspin. It will put her into the worst place ever."

• Tabloid editors must be salivating over her losing her dog, as they usually claim that heartache makes Jess eat and never tire of critiquing her weight. [People]
• Amy Winehouse has launched her own record label, Lioness Records. According to a statement on her website, "Amy wanted to create a label where she could sign and work closely with a small roster of artists she really believed in. The first release on the new imprint will be "Introducing Dionne Bromfield", the debut album from thirteen year old Londoner Dionne Bromfield." [AmyWinehouse.com]
• Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom, who met over the summer and got engaged last week, will get married on Sunday, according to sources. [E!]
• Kate Gosselin taped her new talk show Mom Logic over the weekend. A source familiar with the taping says, "It went extremely well. Everyone there loved it. And Kate did great. There's no question that she was a hit." [Radar Online]
• At the Southern Women's Show in Charlotte, North Carolina, Kate Gosselin said, "I miss Jon, the Jon I used to know." She also confirmed that she's filming a talk show, saying, "I've been given the gift of gab, so why not use it?" [People]
• Paramedics were called and David Hasselhoff was taken to the hospital yesterday after his daughter Hayley called her mom and said he'd been drinking. Hasselhoff's reps say he was just taking Antivert for an ear infection, which mixed with Antabuse, a drug that prevents alcoholics from drinking, and made him feel ill. [TMZ]
• David Hasselhoff's lawyer says, "He lost his equilibrium and it left him dizzy. This was not an alcohol relapse. David was taken to Encino Hospital on Sunday and released within the hour. He's fine now and looking forward to doing his jury duty this week." [People]
• More This Is It concert/movie footage has been released — does Michael Jackson "wobble" during one of the dances in the video at the link?. [TMZ]
• Archway Amusements bought the Ferris wheel from Neverland Ranch when it was auctioned last year because they needed a new one, not because it belonged Michael Jackson."We ourselves really didn't advertise it," said Theresa Noerper, the company's co-owner. "When he died, it kind of blew up. There's no keeping secrets then." It's currently touring the Midwest. [AP]
• Harrison Ford wrote an article on The Huffington Post urging people to join Team Earth, which is "teaming up with the Prince's Rainforest Project to call for swift action and funding to reduce tropical deforestation — and create incentives for a new approach to environmentally friendly economic development." [Huffington Post]
• Mandy Moore wrote an article for The Huffington Post about her trip to Sudan as an ambassador for the child survival program Five & Alive. She says: "My experience in Sudan has convinced me that solutions do exist, and the people most in need are eager to be part of them. There are simple and cost-effective tools out there that can help people living in the poorest communities in the world, and my role is to talk about those solutions, encouraging support and involvement." [Huffington Post]
• Kara DioGuardi on adding Ellen DeGeneres as an American Idol judge: "I think it's a genius decision... I wish I had thought of it." [People]
• Tori Amos' holiday album Midwinter Graces will come out on November 10. [Billboard.com]
• Jay-Z joined Coldplay onstage at Wembley on Friday and gave Chris Martin a bear hug. An onlooker said: "It was a strange moment, Everyone went wild when Jay Z joined the boys on stage but seeing him grab Chris away from the piano and on to the floor was a bit weird to say the least." [Ok]
• Lady Gaga and Kings of Leon lead the nominations for the MTV Europe Music Awards with five each. [Reuters]
• In the video at the link, Mariska Hargitay says of the new season of Law and Order: =SVU, "A lot of making out this year... [our executive producer said,] this is the year. If we don't make out once per episode they're not even going to air it." [Entertainment Weekly]
• When asked about what she thought of the Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart nude tape, Chandra Wilson said, "My whole maternal thing comes out and I just [want to] take care of my baby. That's it." [Access Hollywood]
• Yet another Dancing With the Stars contestant is injured. Mya Tweeted: "Went 2 the hospital late last night 2 get stitches . Deep cut from glass. Only caught 2hours of sleep but feel great. Must be adrenaline." She added later that it was just a cut on her finger and she'll be fine. [TMZ]
• John Krasinski says of his engagement to Emily Blunt, "She's a wonderful girl. Someone had to do it...it was a tough gig, but somebody had to do it... So many people are angry at me." [Us]
• Serena Williams has signed an endorsement deal with Tampax and will appear in print and TV ads with the company's Mother Nature character. [Brandweek]
• Alec Baldwin says he wants Paul McCartney to guest star on 30 Rock and, "We're working on it." His daughter Ireland says she'd rather see Robert Pattinson on the show. [People]
• Christina Aguilera says while growing up with her abusive father, "I witnessed a lot of unpleasant things - a lot of pushing and shoving and fighting and quarrelling. Growing up I did not feel safe. Feeling powerless is the worst feeling in the world. I turned to singing as an outlet. The pain at home is where my love for music came from." [Contact Music]
• Dave Matthews says he agrees with President Carter that a lot of the animosity toward President Obama is race related: "Of course it is! I found there's a fairly blatant racism in America that's already there, and I don't think I noticed it when I lived here as a kid. But when I went back to South Africa, and then it's sort of thrust in your face, and then came back here — I just see it everywhere. There's a good population of people in this country that are terrified of the president only because he's black, even if they don't say it. And I think a lot of them, behind closed doors, do say it." [CNN]
• Jeff Foxworthy says, "I had kind of resigned myself to the fact that that was what I was going to be the rest of my life. If I pulled into a gas station, somebody would go, 'Hey! You might be a redneck!' But for the last three years if I'm in the grocery store, invariably, 10 people will walk past me and go, "I'm not smarter than a fifth grader." And I'd say, "Well I'm not either." [Time]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal says of filming Nanny McPhee and the Big Band, "It's funny because in the movie I have an English accent and sometimes I keep it going... Peter and I were saying that we are going home and we are going to say little English things and our friends are going to think we are super pretentious!" [Telegraph]
• True Blood's Ryan Kwanten was the last to realize his co-stars Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer were in a relationship. "I'm always the last to know. My ear is not very close to the ground," he said. "Stephen actually had to come up to me and tell me. He said, 'Ryan I know you're not really up with the gossip side of things. but before you hear from anyone else, we've been dating for the last 10 months.'" [People]

• Steven Soderbergh has confirmed that his next film will star Michael Douglas as Liberace and Matt Damon as his longtime lover. Soderbergh said, "We've already done some costume and wardrobe tests on Michael, and they're very, very, very good..."

• "I swear to you, Michael amazed me. He crushed it." [People]
• Matt Damon shot a scene for an upcoming film with New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg today on the steps of City Hall. When a reporter asked how they know each other Bloomberg said, "All young sex symbols know each other." [N.Y. Times]
• A source says that while Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were "on a trip to Kenya with their children, Angelina stopped in Dabaab Refugee Camp, and also flew to Ethiopia with Zahara and Shiloh for two days." It's the first time Zahara has been back since her adoption. [People]
• In a backstage VIP lounge at Fashion Week a fan poked Bruce Willis in the shoulder and he got in her face, pointed a finger at her and said, "Don't you EVER touch me, understand?" The woman looked frightened and backed off. Bruce told his posse "I need to leave." [Radar Online]
• Marci Santoro, the mother of Jon Gosselin's former babysitter/lover Stephanie Santoro, says that he threatened to kill himself in a conversation with Stephanie. "He said that everybody would be better off without him and that his children would be better off if he wasn't around anymore... He said to her, ‘I'm just going to kill myself, I'm just going to end it all.'" She adds, "She told me that besides watching the children, they also started a relationship, and of course being a mother my first question was, ‘are you sleeping with him, did you have sex?' and she said, ‘yeah.'" [Radar Online]
• Taylor Swift says Kanye West called her and made a "sincere" apology, so she accepted it. She adds, "The support that I got from other artists and from the fans and so many people sticking up for me that's what got me to the place where I could accept the apology. And I'm just very thankful that everyone could show me so much love." [Perez Hilton]
• Though Viacom and Google are suing each other, the companies are working together to keep the Kanye West/Taylor Swift incident off YouTube. [Media Memo]
• Some radio stations are boycotting Kanye West's music. [Perez Hilton]
• Beyonce's manager/dad Michael Knowles says he'd proud of the way Beyonce handled Kanyegate. "It was all Beyonce's decision. I want to be clear about that. My job is to execute and come up with some ideas, but ultimately that was Beyonce's decision," he said. "I can only say it was a proud night for me as a manager, but more importantly as a father. I've always said the thing that makes me most proud about Beyonce is not how many records she sold or how many plaques she has or how many awards; it's that she's a genuine good person. I know it's hard for people to believe that she can really be that nice of a person, but she really is." [Us]
• Diddy got into a fight with a "tough-talking hip-hop cop" after the VMAs when he told him to keep moving on the sidewalk. Dilly said, "Lower your fucking voice when you're talking to me... I'm a man just like you." And the man replied, "I don't give a fuck who you are." [TMZ]
• Bobby Brown says of his relationship with Whitney Houston, "I think we corrupted each other. I don't think she hurt me or I hurt her. I just think we had a 14-year marriage that had its ups and downs and not many people understood it." As for his drug use, he says, "I used an awful lot you know and I can't take that back," adding that coke, "It's a powerful drug." [Ok]
• Keanu Reeves is scouting locations for his next film so he toured two Buffalo-area jails. While they let Keanu in, the two jails have barred federal investigators and are the target of Justice Department lawsuite for civil rights violations. [AP]
• Keanu Reeves says of his Point Break co-star Patrick Swayze, "He was a beautiful person, an artist. Patrick, he just wanted to experience life and for his work he wanted to take the opportunity of the film and it gave him that sense." [People]
• SNL sources are still denying that Casey Wilson was fired because she didn't lose 30 pounds saying it's "not true...her contract was simply not renewed." [E!]
• In the video at the link Clive Owen discusses his next project The Boys Are Back, about a sports writer who loses his wife to cancer and has to raise his 6-year-old son on his own. [N.Y. Times]
• Clive Owen says, "I haven't done a film like this before and parenting is a big part of my life. It was a challenge to explore, and something that I thought was very well written — the ups and downs of parenting." [Reuters]
• Paris Hilton may be sued because she skipped several media events this weekend in Frankfurt, Germany due to "mysterious circumstances." Sources say she skipped a party with Frederic Prinz von Anhalt's son Marcus because Doug Reinhardt "instructed" her not to "because it was being held in an erotic table dancing club." [Perez Hilton]
• Cherry Jones says when she heard she'd been nominated for an Emmy, "I really truly just giggled a lot. My world is theater and I've been nominated a handful of times for Tonys and that's always been kind of wonderful and surprising. But it's sort of what I do for a living. The Emmys to me - even though I've been on the show for two seasons, I still feel like a bit of impostor who just snuck into town and is pretending to be a television actor." [N.Y. Times]
• Betty White will receive a Life Achievement Award at the SAG Awards on January 23. [Variety]
• The chef who was suing Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour because she left her sneakers at their home has settled her case. She got her shoes back, plus $75 in court costs and $9 in gas money. The chef says, "I got my shoes back ... yayyyyyyy!" [TMZ]
• Kim Kardashian managed to insult both of her sisters in the same sentence this morning saying of her pregnant sister Kourtney Kardashian, "She's huge. She is huuuuge I think she's in denial of buying maternity clothes, because she just borrows Khloe's clothes." Kim explained, "Khloé is going to kill me for saying that, but it's really because Khloé is so much taller." [E!]
• Dr. Arnold Klein is suing Dr. Steven Hoefflin for telling The Sun, "[Dr. Conrad] Murray definitely called Klein because Klein taught him how to administer Propofol ... Murray would have counted on Klein to be the source of Propofol and guide him on its use." Klein says the statement was made, "willful, fraudulent, malicious, oppressive and reckless" and was done "with the intent to injure and harm Dr. Klein." but The Sun says they have evidence to back Hoefflin's claim. [TMZ]
• President Obama will appear on The Late Show With David Letterman on Monday to promote his health care plan, marking the first time a sitting president has appeared on the show. [AP]
• Juliette Lewis says of being directed by Drew Barrymore in Whip It, "I was so impressed with her as a director because she knew what she wanted to see. She really had a strong visual sense of the movie. I really feel like I was making the first movie of a young filmmaker." [Reuters]
• 63-year-old former Monkee Davy Jones married 32-year old Jessica Pacheco, a Telemundo TV star, on August 30 even though she allegedly beaut him up and cracked his rib with her shoe in the past. "Davy admits Jessica's violent with him, but she's drop-dead gorgeous and has clearly captivated him," said a source. "He says, 'It's my life. I don't want to be alone.'" [National Enquirer]
• Jane Lynch says playing Sue Sylvester on Glee is "so delicious. There's something about [her]. I've played arrogant people before, but the levels and lengths she goes to, it's so entertaining and fun." [People]
• Two screenwriters are suing NBC Universal and want to prevent Jennifer Aniston's new film Love Happens from being released because they say its based on a script called The Truth they gave a VP in 2006. [TMZ]
• Quentin Tarantino says that he's happy the success of Inglorious Basterds will ease the financial difficulties of the Weinstein Company. "They were backed up against the wall, and this gives them breathing room. This gets their back off the wall," Tarantino said. "I'm actually proud that I was able to do that for them, that I could pay back their faith in me, that I could pay back their support." [Reuters]
• Christina Applegate says she misses her old boobs after having a double masectomy and breast reconstruction surgery a year ago. "It's really hard because they just aren't the same – and I had really good ones," said Applegate. "If you have boobs you don't like, you can go and choose the size you want, and then get a brand new present. But it's different [when it's not your choice]." [People]
• Christina Applegate wants everyone to know she and Martyn LeNoble aren't engaged. "Can a girl please wear a ring on her left hand and not have it be all, 'Is she engaged?'" she says. [Extra TV]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal says on the set of Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang, Emma Thompson, "gave me a couple of notes. And she's not directing me, she's acting with me! If some other actor started giving me notes I would tell them to fuck off - there is not one actor I would allow that from. But they were fantastic notes - clear and totally helpful... I just thought to myself, 'She's teaching me and I'd be an idiot not to accept it.' And Emma's what, 50? It would be silly of me not to acknowledge that she knows more than I do." [Female First]

• Tina Fey won the Emmy for Best Guest Actress in a Comedy last night for her portrayal of Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live.Accepting the award, Fey thanked her parents, "who are lifelong Republicans, for their patience." [AP]

• Justin Timberlake also won an Emmy for his guest stint on SNL, and Joss Whedon picked up an Emmy as well, for Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. [E!]
• An insider claims that VH1 is scaling back on their reality programming after the tragic death of Jasmine Fiore at the hands of former VH1 contestant, Ryan Jenkins. "They are freaking out," says the source, "It's bad for their image to continue casting crazy characters. Producers realize the whole reality-TV thing has gotten completely out of hand. Two of their shows featured a murderer." [PageSix]
• Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself topped the box office Friday, bringing in 8.6 million dollars. [EW]
• "It's everything you could imagine and more."-Gossip Girl's Joanna Garcia on kissing her co-star, Chace Crawford. [People]
• Steven Soderbergh says he won't make an Ocean's Fourteen because Bernie Mac has passed away: "For me it was three (movies) and out but any possibility of ever revisiting that ended when Bernie Mac died. I don't think any of us would want to go back and do that without him, so that's it." [DailyExpress]
• "I remember people saying, 'Believe me, everything in your life is going to change…' And I thought, 'Why? That's such a bourgeois way of thinking.' And then you have a child and yes, everything changes. It affects the way we live, what we do and where we go – everything. And I wouldn't have it any other way."-Maggie Gyllenhaal [DailyMail]
• "Everyone's childhood shapes them, doesn't it, but often it's not until later in life that you realise you can choose to take bits of it with you, and reject other bits. People assume we had a crazy life, which we did, but it wasn't that crazy. On some levels it was quite normal. I mean we weren't like the Jaggers or anything, always hanging out with other celeb families. That would've been weird."-Jack Osbourne [DailyMail]
• "If you look around at girls who are older than me who are children of celebrities, hardly any of them have matured, hardly any of them have grown up to be… I wouldn't say decent human beings, but productive human beings. They are not bad people; they just don't do anything and I don't want to have a life where I don't have a reason to get out of bed every morning. And a reason to me isn't who I'm having lunch with at Fred Segal."-Kelly Osbourne [Guardian]
• Guy Richie plays guitar in an Irish ceilidh group and says "a good music session with these Irish lads is unbeatable. Better than any Madonna concert or anything." [DailyMail]
• After a media executive tore a picture of her in two, angry that she skipped an after-party for her new film at the Toronto Film Festival, Jennifer Connelly appeared in tears at a press conference the next day, explaining that she skipped the party in order to grieve the first anniversary of her father's death. The exec has since apologized. [EdmontonSun]
• 64-year-old Michael Douglas says that directors won't cast him as a romantic lead anymore. "No love-interest stuff for me now. I play the bad guy, the rough old villain. My character is that duplicitous meanie I somehow specialise in." [Telegraph]
• John Travolta and Kelly Preston made their first public appearance since the death of their son, Jett, nine months ago, in order to promote Travolta's new film, Old Dogs. [People]
• Elton John says that he's thinking of adopting a 14-month-old Ukranian baby: "David and I have always talked about adoption," he says, "David always wanted to adopt a child and I always said 'no' because I am 62 and I think because of the traveling I do and the life I have, maybe it wouldn't be fair for the child. But having seen Lev today, I would love to adopt him. I don't know how we do that but he has stolen my heart." [Reuters]
• "I think the way I behave is normal for someone my age and in my situation. I know a lot of guys in bands who go to awards ceremonies and get into the same sort of states that I get myself into, and that's not negatively reported on. So it feels kind of unjust."-Lily Allen [DailyMail]
• Jay Leno claims that NBC executives wanted him to turn over the Tonight Show to Conan earlier than he actually did: "Actually, they wanted me out in three years," Leno says the network told him five years ago, "I had to argue to get the other two." [UPI]
• "I don't hang out with Rob or Kristen.They are attractive humans, yes they are. I'm nice with Rob also. I look great with him too. I think I look better with Rob…Rob's awesome. I love him to death."-Kellan Lutz on his Twilight co-stars, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. [ShowbizSpy]

[New York, September 9. Image via WENN.]

• Katie Holmes made the cover of AnOther Magazine  along with Vanessa Paradis, Kate Moss, and Natalie Portman. [DesignScene]
• Apparently, we're supposed to support Gwyneth Paltrow's absurdly high-priced clothing line for Zoetee's because the profits are for charity. [People]

• Those pictures starring a Victoria Beckham lookalike, wearing Beckham's dresses, which the Daily Mail mistook for a lookbook from the line yesterday, are actually from an online-only editorial in V, and therefore not associated with Posh at all. Model Heidi Mount was cast by the magazine to impersonate La Beckham, and she does a mighty good job. [V]
• But the leaked images of Scarlett Johanson from earlier this week are indeed campaign shots for Dolce & Gabbana's new scent, Rose The One. [People]
• Marc Jacobs will have an after-party following his fashion show this season! And not just any party: He's doing it with Lady Gaga. [The Cut]
• Marc Jacobs said Anna Wintour is "Very maternal and caring," and then added the all-important follow-up, "to the people she cares about." [People]
• Because of Wintour's famed dislike of tardiness, all the bold-faced names at the September Issue premiere were remarkably prompt to arrive. Except for P. Diddy, who got to the red carpet, realized he was the only one there, and sprinted for the doors. Anna Wintour can make P. Diddy run. [NYObs]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal may be presenting Dries Van Noten with his award at the Couture Council of the Museum at FIT luncheon, which kicks off New York Fashion Week. Gyllenhaal has worn the Dutch designer several times in the past. [Stylefile]
• Michael Bay, the director the New Yorker called "stunningly, almost viciously untalented," is doing the Victoria's Secret holiday commercial again this year (he last got the credit in 2002.) And he just uploaded some behind-the-scenes shots of Doutzen, Adriana, et. al., to his website. [MichaelBay]
• Meanwhile, Hayden Christensen is shilling for Lacoste's scent, Challenge. [ONTD]
• We do not look forward to the day when celebrities, after developing exhaustive arrays of perfumes, launch into home fragrances, as Ferragamo is doing. [WWD]
• Christian Audigier says Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman, who flew to St. Tropez to holiday with the designer as reality TV star and reality TV star stylist, respectively, were not an item at first. But, "by the time two weeks passed it was a completely new story." Audigier also says that Gosselin "is not the same as he was. He has a more complicated life now." [People]
• Ralph Lauren went to a bar in Williamsburg, the ticking heart of New York hipsterdom, walked around, and left. This is news. [The Cut]
• Kellie Pickler is going to do an event next month for the charity Soles4Soles. [WWD]
• Could Haider Ackerman be in the running to take over Maison Martin Margiela? Margiela himself has been rumored to have stepped back from his namesake label for several seasons now  before the Fall 2009 show, there was a rumor that Margiela had taken on a consulting role, and just a couple months ago he was rumored to have left completely. Ackerman, when asked about the rumors that he might take over the house, said only, "When you meet the person you have admired for so many years, how can you possibly replace him? Sometimes it's better never to meet your heroes." [T via Fashionologie]
• And Jean Paul Gaultier is said to be resigning from Hermès, effective after his Spring/Summer show this October. [FWD]
• Perhaps we should be happy Rachel Zoe is a stylist, because if she hadn't ended up dressing small women in psychedelic tent dresses, she would have been "A psychiatrist. I am endlessly fascinated by people's minds and what makes them tick." [W]
• Electronic Arts is producing a line of video games targeted at 8-12-year-old girls, all of which will feature heavy product placement courtesy of Claire's, the costume jewelry chain. To wit: "My Fashion Mall, available for Nintendo DS, allows players to manage their own mall, taking it 'from drab to fab.' Girls can compete in mini-challenges at Claire's, which is featured in the game, as well as add Claire's charms to their virtual jewelry box." [BrandWeek]
• Christian Siriano is launching a line of makeup with Victoria's Secret, a collaboration that actually makes some sense because Siriano worked as a makeup artist when he first moved to New York. The products all reflect Siriano's Egyptian influence for his Fall 2009 collection, and include lots of bronzers and gold-flecked eye colors, named things like Oasis and, naturally, Gilded Fierce. And there's a kohl eye pencil that Siriano says is "really dirty and downtown  like, I dunno, you're going to go home with someone after you put it on." Or, as Edward Gorey put it, "The Wanton, though she knows its danger / must needs smear Kohl about her eyes / and catch the attention of a stranger / with drawn-out, hoarse, erotic sighs." [The Cut]
• Victoria's Secret just suffered a 27% decline in its second quarterly profit, so the chain is moving its focus to lower-priced items. Perhaps this means no more $80 tee shirt bra? [WSJ]
• Henry Holland loves "Walking. I just spent loads of money on a pair of studded Prada brogues and my justification was that my shoes are my car." We, car-less and broke and shoe-loving, wish we had never heard this justification. [W]
• Gap is apparently launching a pop-up store with the French concept shop Merci. All profits will be donated to charity, and the store will open on September 10  just in time for fashion week  on the corner of Fifth Avenue and 54th Street. [WWD]
• A tipster claiming to work at Gen Art, the group that gives seed money to fashion designers and film-makers  Zac Posen is among the young talents to have received funds in the past  says the company, which has long been struggling financially, is the victim of its own leaders' mismanagement, and that while the staff experienced multiple rounds of pay cuts and layoffs, the brothers who run the show never even docked their own pay. [Gawker]
• Despite declining sales, cost-cutting at the Gap has meant the retailer saw a slight increase in its earnings for the second quarter, beating analysts' expectations. Sales fell by 7% across all the chains the Gap owns, but profits held virtually steady at $228 million, versus $229 million during the same period last year. [AP]
• Gap is also opening its first Israeli store in the city of Jerusalem on Monday. [UPI]
• Ann Taylor experienced a quarterly loss of $18 million. [TS]
• There is going to be a Twilight range of beauty products. By this point, we're only surprised there isn't one already! [WWD]

• Forbes compiled a list of high-earning celebrities under 30, and Beyoncé is at number one: She brought home an estimated $87 million over the last year, which buys a lot of leotards. [Mirror]

• Lindsay Lohan turned down a role in The Hangover, because she said the screenplay "had no potential." Or maybe she didn't want to play a hooker with a heart of gold in a sorta sexist movie? [Page Six]
• A Facebook movie? Starring Shia LaBeouf as Mark Zuckerberg? Ok. [Gatecrasher]
• Did the Black Eyed Peas bite a track from musician Adam Freeland? [The Daily Swarm]
• Sharon Stone's rep says Sharon Stone did not have "air rage" and was not detained by police at the airport, but she was yelled at by a flight attendant. [Independent]
• Sarah Jessica Parker's new show, which will be like Project Runway, but for artists, has begun casting. According to this piece: 'Part of me was worried it would look too mercenary for certain artists,' she says. 'They might find it objectionable to use TV to talk about what they do.' The show might, she says, end up being 'more about people who feel comfortable with something risky,' by which she means the medium of TV itself. And yet, of course, the artwork created on the show can't be too risky, as it needs to be presentable to a prime-time audience." [mediabistro.com]
• Daniel Radcliffe injured! While filming Half-Blood Prince. He's fine. In fact, he says: "It was great actually, it was brilliant. "I was doing this scene where I fight a giant snake and, being the hi-tech, multi-million production that we are, the snake was being played by our stunt co-ordinator holding a long pole with a boxing glove tied to the end with gaffer tape. On the last take before lunch he really planted the front foot. I was fending it off with a chair and was caught unawares. The chair went flying into my top lip. To be honest, it was brilliant because I saw the playback later and I go down like a bloody boxer." [Telegraph via Esquire]
• Daniel Radcliffe: "I've been out with a couple of women who have been older than me. I think it's the maturity thing more than anything else, but that was when I was younger – girls my age are now mature, so it's great. I've widened the field!" [People]
• Guess what millions of users were doing on the web yesterday? Watching Michael Jackson's memorial, which drew huge traffic. (Although not as much as the Presidential inauguration in January.)[MediwWeek]
• Since the memorial is costing L.A. between $1.5 million and $4 million, the city has set up a website where people can make donations to help pay the bill for police and other public servants. [USA Today]
• "Jackson Memorial Made Fans Into Family: At memorial, the Jackson family invited a stadium of people into their lives." Also: What do the yellow ties and flowers mean? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Dionne Warwick on the Michael Jackson memorial: "He would've loved it. He would've loved it." [CNN]
• Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee promised a House resolution that would forever honor Michael Jackson, but such a resolution will likely face opposition in the House. [AP]
• CNN is now reporting "details" about Michael Jackson's body from a "source"  and the information  he was covered in needle marks; he was bald  sound just like the stuff The Sun printed, which turned out to be untrue. [CNN]
• The Austrian ambassador to the UK is urging people to protest Brüno, since it mocks his country, Nazis and... Josef Fritzl. [The Sun]
• Has the ending of Brüno been cut and changed? [Sydney Morning Herald]
• The Latoya Jackson scene  in which Sacha Baron Cohen's character tries to get Michael Jackson's phone number  has definitely been cut from Brüno. [Mirror]
• The last season of Lost: Producer Damon Lindelof says, "anything goes." [EW]
• Spotted: Mary J. Blige doing the Moonwalk. Wish there was video. [Page Six]
  
• If your dream is to see Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt dressed up as Sid and Nancy  where Joey is Nancy  your dream has come true. [ONTD, Cinemash]
• Roman Polanski's lawyers are still appealing for his decades-old case to be thrown out. [Mirror]
• Hamptons gossip: People drank champagne, Jon Bon Jovi sang, Nick Stahl fell asleep in the pantry! [NY Observer]
• Jodie Foster hearts surfing. [Page Six]
• Um, the Saturday Night Live skit "MacGruber" is going to be a movie. With Ryan Phillippe and Val Kilmer in negotiations to star alongside Will Forte and Kristen Wiig. Will the whole film be shot in a control room? [The Hollywood Reporter, Variety]
• 30 Rock episodes on Comedy Central? [Variety]
• Chitty Chitty Bang Bang banned from parade! [Daily Mail]
• Whatshisname wants to move to Australia after his divorce from Whatshername. [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which musically inclined young celeb has been dubbed - behind his back, of course - 'Lip Gloss' because he always puts it on before hitting a red carpet?" [Gatecrasher]
• "You don't have to pay for it, and it's unconditional. It's hard when you get cut off the road in traffic, but it's what I try to practice."  Taraji P. Henson, who is pro-love. [Gatecrasher]
• "Not smoking is a neverending struggle. You put a cigarette to your mouth, you light it, and you know that you're hurting yourself. I did it at least 10 times a day and my throat hurt, my voice was gone, but I still was attracted to it. It's the same thing as dating someone who's not great for you, or staying up all night before you have something really important to do the next day. It's something that we all do, and I'm not exactly clear as to why we do it."  Maggie Gyllenhaal. [Mirror]
• "The death scene, to me, was quite a difficult scene to film just because I have never in my own life, up until quite recently, never been bereaved. You can never imagine what that's like so you sort of feel like a bit of a phony when you're acting it out, but hopefully I did OK in the end."  Daniel Radcliffe. [Mirror]
• "I am not trying to get back with the Countess in any way, as your spies suggested. We will remain friends and take care of our children."  Count Alex de Lesseps. [Page Six]
• "Weight doesnt matter. At the end of the day everybody has a different standard for what turns them on. There are probably tons of men out there that find thick librarians smokin hottt! LOL. The way i dress represents who i am and i think everyone should just dress in whatever makes them feel good. And just for good measure, Wilkinson added, "And while im totally flattered u like the way i look and dress...i just hope u dont make other women feel like they have to wear a 'cloak' if they dont look like a Playmate!"  Kendra Wilkinson, in response to blog What Would Tyler Durden Do, which used a picture of her to write: "If a girl is built like Kendra, she should dress exactly like Kendra. Every day, all the time...If the girl isn't built like Kendra, um…I don't know. I guess maybe an invisibility cloak or something. What's the point to even being a girl if you're not gonna look like Kendra?" [Celebuzz]

[Paris, France. June 12. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Away We Go tells the story of hipster couple Burt and Verona, played by John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph, as they search for a place to settle down. At the start of the film, the unmarried soon-to-be-parents live in rural Colorado, near Burt's family. But soon after the couple announces their pregnancy, Burt's wacky and dysfunctional parents (Catherine O'Hara and Jeff Daniels) reveal their rather selfish plans to pack up and move to Belgium. Burt and Verona are initially disappointed that their baby's only living grandparents are moving all the way across the Atlantic (Verona's parents died when she was in college, and her grief over the loss surfaces at times in the film), however, they quickly realize that this may be their chance to start a new life somewhere else. So they begin a tour of North American cities, from Phoenix to Madison, visiting old friendsincluding Maggie Gyllenhaal's character Ellen, an insufferable women's studies professorand in the process, they discover not only where to live, but how to life.

Based on the previews, the film looks as though it might have taken the tweeness of Juno a touch too far, but reviews are truly divided on the movie itself. Despite some bad reviews, all (save Salon) seem to agree that Rudolph and Krasinski do an excellent job of portraying their aggressively normal characters.

In order of "excruciatingly dull" to "lovely and honest," here is what the critics had to say:

Salon

The problem with that particular angle of "Away We Go" is that it's the sort of so-called trauma that ought to be accompanied by the world's tiniest violin. Throughout the course of civilization, plenty of people have had to grow up and make a place for themselves in the world; apathy is a state of being that needs to be fought, not accepted as a birthright. Burt and Verona's relentless wide-eyed innocence is a posture that becomes irritating, maybe partly because Krasinski and Rudolph aren't sure how to give their characters the dimensionality they need. Krasinski (best known for his role on "The Office") schleps through the movie with almost perpetually uncombed hair and a "What, me worry?" shrug. At one point Verona makes a crack that it's impossible to make Burt angry, but the character's shambling sweetness doesn't seem to be much of a bargain, either  it has a watery, indecisive quality. Rudolph, who was always a pleasure to watch on "Saturday Night Live," is a sharper, livelier presence, but her chief task here is to react to, and counterbalance, the rather lackadaisical Burt, and the job is just too constricting.

Variety

Burt's a bit immature, and Verona, the grown-up of the couple, occasionally impatient (partly explained by the discomforts of advanced pregnancy). But the protags are essentially blank slates, despite the skill and charm Krasinski and Rudolph bring to the roles. It's their job simply to represent "normal" against so many illustrations of bad parenting, worse marriages and damaged adulthood. But given they're such harmlessly pleasant folk, why don't they have any non-messed-up friends?

Because that would un-stack the deck in a script that needs to paint them as two lonely souls in a hostile world. But in positing normal as special, the pic requires caricaturing almost everyone else.

While handled by resourceful actors, the foibles of the supporting characters are less funny than they are forced and unpleasant. Janney and Gyllenhaal in particular play figures venomously conceived.

NPR

A self-satisfied film about insecure people, Away We Go has mustered several genuine assets, but it squanders them all and ends up being not as special as it tries to be.

Directed by Oscar winner Sam Mendes, it's a quirky, episodic film that details the adventures of an endearing young couple apprehensive about their impending parenthood. Sadly, most of the other people in the film make up for that anxiety by being smugly self-involved and a trial to endure.

New York Times

Really, "Away We Go" is about the flight from adulthood, from engagement, from responsibility, even as it cleverly disguises itself as a search for all those things. But the dream of being left alone in a world of your own making, far from anything sad or icky or difficult, is a child's fantasy. Not an unattractive or uncommon one, it must be said, and for that reason it is tempting to follow Burt and Verona into the precious, hermetic paradise that awaits them at the end of the road. You know they will be happy there. But you should also understand that you are not welcome. Does it sound as if I hate this movie? Don't be silly. But don't be fooled. This movie does not like you.

LA Times

An even bigger difficulty is that "Away We Go" in effect builds Burt and Verona's confidence by exposing them to a series of other couples who are mostly such grotesques and gargoyles that our heroes seem sane and responsible by comparison.

To be fair to "Away We Go," Burt and Verona do have some nicer visits with more appealing folks, but by then the damage has been done. The warmth and goodwill the film's protagonists generate on their own is never matched by anything else put on screen, and that does feel like a shame.

USA Today

John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph are one of the most appealing and believable screen couples to star in a romantic comedy. Not only do they project terrific chemistry, but they adeptly switch between broad comedy and poignancy, sometimes in the same scene.

Hollywood Reporter

Despite the lightness of tone and lively turns by the likes of Allison Janney, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Catherine O'Hara, the soul-searching trip taken by its leads is not without the occasional overly purposeful bump in the road.

Even as summer counterprogramming, the Focus Features release could find it tricky luring its targeted female demographic away from such higher-profile openings as "My Life in Ruins" and, potentially, "The Hangover."

Washington Post

Burt and Verona take all this insanity in stride; one of the subtlest and best parts of "Away We Go" is the comfort the two leads have together. They tease and support each other and they're clearly in love, ready to face whatever happens as a team. The story provides no contrived melodrama; what's about to happen to them in a few months is dramatic enough.

Having said that, "Away We Go" does have its tear-jerker moments, though it doesn't try too hard to achieve them. In Tucson, Ariz., Verona has a touching exchange with her sister (Carmen Ejogo) about becoming a mother now that their own mother is deceased. And the last few shots express beautifully and almost wordlessly what it means to find home, wherever that may be.

[Shepperton, UK. Image via INF]

• Rihanna was the big show-stopper at the Met Ball: Celebs cheered when she took the stage to perform. And! At an after-party, guess who RiRi was in deep convo with?

None other than Ms. Anna Wintour. Will someone be gracing the pages of Vogue very soon? [Gatecrasher]

• Have people stopped returning Lindsay Lohan's phone calls? Apparently Pharrell Williams had offered to help her revive her music career, she tells Interview: "He's an amazing guy. He's only been really kind to me whenever I've met him. He said, 'I'd love to make a great record with you, but I want to take you out of all the elements that you're used to. Let's go away. Let's go somewhere nice where you can be focused, and let's make an album there.'" Of course, she hasn't heard from him since and says: "Pharrell, please call me back!" [Daily Express]
• It seems that Kiefer Sutherland did indeed intentionally headbutt Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough, who allegedly knocked over Brooke Shields; Kiefer was coming to Brooke's rescue or something. Met Ball dramz! [TMZ]
• Brooke Shields' rep is saying "nothing happened to her" and "Jack did nothing inappropriate. It's not clear what caused Kiefer to do what he did." [TMZ]
• A source says Kiefer Sutherland "was really drunk and he got accidentally bumped by McCollough. They started arguing and then he just head-butted him." Hmm. Kiefer's been arrested for DUI twice. [Page Six]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Us magazine is confirming that star of Jon & Kate Plus 8 Jon Gosselin, 32, has been having an affair with third grade school teacher Deanna Hummel, 23. [Just Jared]
• Amy Winehouse's dad is kicking "freeloading pals" out of her hotel room in St. Lucia  her two friends Violetta and Thalia were having "all-day boozing sessions" on Amy's dime. A source says: "Amy performs for the first time in ages at the St Lucia Jazz Festival this week. Mitch knows she has to get it right." [The Sun]
• Paula Abdul is saying pain killers are to blame for when she would "get weird." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Madonna is planning a concert in St. Petersburg, Russia, but local authorities are calling it a "natural disaster" and want "guarantees that there will be no blasphemy." Ha! [Page Six]
• Victoria Beckham wears her sunglasses at night. In the rain. [The Sun]
• Excellent news: Mindy Kaling has a new deal with NBC; she'll continue to write for and appear on The Office next season while simultaneously developing a comedy in which she would also star. She says: "This is my first step in a Transformers-style way to take over the whole world." [Variety]
• Holy gray T-shirt! These pictures of Simon Cowell's new £15million mansion which looks over the Hollywood Hills are absolutely stunning. [Daily Mail]
• In a deposition regarding a lawsuit that Paris Hilton didn't do enough to promote 2006 box office bomb Pledge This, Paris says she promoted the flick "any chance I got." Her lawyer says, "She's the single busiest person on the planet." [AP]
• "Robert Pattinson 'baffled' by fans." [Mirror]
• The weight watchers have moved from Jessica and Lindsay to the King of Pop: Michael Jackson has allegedly been warned that he is "too thin" and needs to gain about 20 lbs before his 50 live shows in the UK. [The Sun]
• Details on Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard's wedding! It took place in a cloister of a convent that's a luxury bed and breakfast in Brindisi, Italy; Jake and Reese were there; guests mingled in the garden, which features a pool, wines from the nearby town of Lecce were served. [People]
• Oprah's Twitter stunt of offering everyone in America a free chicken dinner: Newsworthy. [Time]
• Speaking of Ms. Winfrey, you knew this would happen: Susan Boyle will be on Oprah. [Daily Express]
• Yesterday was Chris Brown's birthday; he turned 20 and it was "low-key." [People]
• Mia Farrow is ten days into her hunger strike for Darfur. A few days ago she said: "At this point I don't think about food. I am weaker and I am mostly in bed. I am clear-minded. I sleep less." She also says: "No one voted for President Obama with more excitement and passion than I did, but he's really been lagging and the people of Darfur can't wait." [Guardian]
• Mia Farrow is documenting her fast on YouTube. [Page Six]
• Joel Madden went on a Twitter rant after he and baby Harlow were surrounded by photographers at an airport: "Let me just say shame on any magazine or blog that post pics of us in the miami airport. The photographers were acting like animals. it was the first time i've ever seen my child scared. Not cool for any parent to see. At least in LA they gave us some space. These guys were sticking flashes in her face and bumping in to us and yelling. The most unnecessary force i've ever seen." [Perez]
• Village Voice columnist Michael Musto says Miss California USA once posed with "trannie extraordinaire" Amanda Lepore. He asked Amanda about it, but she says: "I don't remember meeting her. You know how many pictures I take!" Of Carrie Prejean's pageant answer, Ms. Lepore says: "That was stupid. She could never make a career in TV. Gays monopolize everything! She's a dummy! Now she's trying to have churches help her. That doesn't sound promising. But at least she has big tits. She can marry a high roller and have miserable kids that hate her." Musto adds: "All thanks to opposite marriage!" [Village Voice]
• Unfake my heart: A Las Vegas entertainer faces fraud charges for impersonating Toni Braxton. [AP]
• Back in the '90s, Bono wrote a poem about Elvis; it will be broadcast on the UK's Radio 4 on May 13. [The Sun]
• Rachel Weisz will star in an indie political drama, The Whistleblower, which is based on the true story of a female cop from Nebraska who serves as a peacekeeper in post-war Bosnia and exposes a United Nations cover-up of a sex trafficking scandal. [Variety]
• Will Ferrell is in talks to star in a comedy called Neighborhood Watch, directed by the guy who did Wedding Crashers. [Variety]
• Cameron Diaz plays the mother of a sick child in My Sister's Keeper, and although she appears bald in the film, didn't shave her head: She only needed to be bald for one day of shooting. [LA Times]
• Kate Walsh's divorce continues to be a mess. [TMZ]
• Debbie Matenoppoulos will get $3,595 per month in spousal support from her ex, Jay Faires. She currently lives in the couple's home and is responsible for paying all expenses, including the mortgage. [Radar Online]
• Shimmy shimmy ya: Ol' Dirty Bastard will be memorialized in an upcoming documentary and a series of tribute albums, all produced by his cousin Raison Allah Iceman. [Telegraph]
• Blind item! "Which very taken Oscar winner has been sending lots of flowers to a pretty fashion publicist?" [Gatecrasher]
• "There are many duos we wanted to draw from. Something as eccentric as The Odd Couple to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Withnail and I and Laurel and Hardy. It's the kind of friendship you can only have with someone of the same sex, a person you adore but who infuriates you."  Jude Law on the relationship between Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson in Guy Ritchie's new flick Sherlock Holmes. [USA Today]
• "There's tons of stuff in my name. I mean, if I told you how many Facebook pages have my name on it, you wouldn't believe it. But I am going to join Facebook. I've been doing the MySpace thing a long time and I realize a lot of people are doing Twitter, I just don't want to know what people are doing every single second of their day. I find it a little invasive, but people are into it. To each their own. I don't have the desire to send out messages all day long. That's not me. I'd rather be doing something else."  Zach Braff [Time]

• Madonna purchased a $40 million Upper East Side townhouse equipped with 13 bedrooms, nine fireplaces, and an elevator. She'll stay in her other NYC residence while she renovates her new fixer-upper. [New York Magazine]

• Shia LaBeouf is having a third surgery this month to repair his hand, which he injured in a car accident. "I've had screws and plates put in. They put a screw in one of my knuckles. And they shaved a piece of bone off my hip and made a [bone for my] finger out of it," he says. "My middle finger is still crooked as a fucking noodle, so they've gotta straighten it out and put a screw in it." [Entertainment Weekly]
• We already heard that Chris Brown denies having a new girlfriend. Now there are reports that he and Rihanna had an Easter weekend rendez-vous. [Perez Hilton]
• Here's a video of Dina Lohan dropping her daughter Lindsay Lohan off in front of a club. [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West's arraignment on charges resulting from a fight with TMZ photographers has been postponed to May 20 so his lawyers can review the police report and additional evidence. [The New York Times]
• There's some confusing news on the Megan Fox-Brian Austin Green front. She says they are back together and are going to continue being engaged. However Megan says, "I'm not going to be married – I'm not the marrying type. I know people will say, ‘Why are you engaged if you're not the marrying type?'" She explains, "I am impulsive and I love my boyfriend, but I have no plans of getting married any time soon." [The Sun]
• Though Shawn Johnson's stalker is currently behind bars, her family has taken out a permanent restraining against Robert O'Ryan, who will have to stay 100 feet away from her for the next three years. [TMZ]
• Tori Spelling is denying that she has an eating disorder. "Oh my God, I'm not anorexic," she says. "I acknowledge that I look thin in photos. I get it." She adds: "Obviously I don't want to lose any more weight ... but people haven't seen me not pregnant in two and a half years. I'm eating healthy, I just have a crazy lifestyle." [People]
• Charlize Theron says anti-gay marriage laws are like apartheid in her native South Africa. "I don't like living in an elitist world, it bothers me. I don't want to be part of an elitist sexual preference. It bothers me, maybe it's because I come from a country where I lived under apartheid but this is a form of apartheid and I don't want to be a part of that," she says. "My ability to get married is a piece of me that I wish I could give to somebody who it would mean so much to. We should all have the chance. It's just so caveman, I can't believe we're still talking about it." [The Daily Express]
• Showtime has only renewed The Tudors for one more season. The series will conclude with season four, which will follow Henry's marriages to Catherine Howard and Catherine Parr. [The New York Times]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal, Maggie Smith and Rhys Ifans will star in the sequel Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang with Emma Thompson. [Variety]
• Richard Jenkins will star opposite Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love. [Variety]
• A bench warrant has been issued for Angie Everhart. She was supposed to appear in court on April 6 to pay a $50 fine in her DUI case, but she didn't show up. [TMZ]
• In the new GQ Evan Rachel Wood denies that she had a relationship with Mickey Rourke once again, saying, "There was no truth to it, and it was so annoying. The friendship was intimate and nice, and this makes it weird." There are also some shots of her with a gun. [Just Jared]
• The late Jade Goody's husband, Jack Tweed, is opening a restaurant in Essex that will bear her name. [Perez Hilton]
• Jade Goody's diary is being published, and in it she writes that she received a letter from the Queen's secretary. She wrote: 'I have been instructed to convey the Queen's warmest good wishes to Jade at what must be a very difficult time for her and her family." [The Telegraph]
• Mel B says she had a friend hypnotize her to get over her stage fright over her upcoming burlesque-style show in Las Vegas. "I was getting a bit nervous. My anxiety was getting to me," she says. "I was hypnotized to calm me down and it worked." [People]
• The civil trial over the car crash involving Nick Bollea, Hulk Hogan's son, is set for March 2010. [TampaBay.com]
• The woman who sent a death threat to David Caruso after writing him around 100 letters asking for his autograph has been sentenced to seven months in jail by an Austrian court. [Yahoo]
• Nicollette Sheridan and Desperate Housewives Creator Marc Cherry are sniping over her character's demise. She feels that he was ignoring her. "When you have a jewel, why not polish it and put it out there for all to see?" she says. Cherry says: "We will find a new kind of sexiness coming through Wisteria Lane. What I won't do is cast another fortysomething sexy blonde. Nicollette Sheridan] performed the aging neighborhood tramp better than anyone has ever done before." [People]
• Rocky Hill, guitar player and brother of ZZ Top bass player Dusty Hill, died last Friday. Dusty disowned Rocky about five years ago when he insulted his wife and they never made up. [Radar]
• PETA has awarded Miley Cyrus its Compassionate Citizen Award because she took home chickens from the set of Hannah Montana: The Movie. Costar Jason Earles says: "Miley picked [the chicken] up thought it was real cute and decided she needed to save this chicken. So she put it in a cardboard box with some pine straw and got her mom to take it home. She is funny with animals - she was like ‘I have to have that chicken'. She falls in love like you wouldn't believe." [Just Jared]
• Eminem poses as the comic book character Punisher on the cover of the new XXL. He says of his three year hiatus: "I stayed up on the music, and obviously I watch TV and saw what was going on. And without naming any names, it just felt like hip-hop was going downhill. And it seemed like kinda fast. You know, in them three years, it was like everybody just cares about the hook and the beat; nobody really cares about substance. But with this new T.I. album, with this new Lil Wayne album of recent, it seems like things are looking a lot better now. You can appreciate Lil Wayne using different words to rhyme and actually rhyming words that you know. Or T.I., where you hear shit and you're like Whoa, ah, I wish I would have thought of that! You know what I mean? Or you hear all the compound-syllable rhyming and all that. It just seems like now the craft is getting cared about more." [XXL Magazine]

[Beverly Hills, March 17. Image via INF]

• PETA named Madonna one of its 6 worst-dressed celebrities, along with "Maggot" Gyllenhaal and the Olsen twins. "Someone needs to tell Madge that wearing fur doesn't make you a cougar," the animal-lovers sniffed. [PETA]

• Meanwhile Madonna might be doing a line with Ed Hardy. Expect lots of rhinestones. [Elle UK]
• An Armani Exchange ad featuring the naked ass of male model Parker Gregory has been rejected by billboard company Van Wagner. [Towleroad]
• Did Forever 21 knock off Alexander Wang's shoes? Does the pope shit in the woods? [Fashionista]
• Model turned photographer Christina Kruse started learning how to take pictures back in 1996, by concentrating on the only convenient subject available  herself. When traveling for work, she'd also create collages and drawings, and compile them into books. Her first show is now up at the Steven Kasher Gallery in Chelsea. Says Kruse, "I didn't show anything to anyone for a long time. But I think that's good. Doing things by myself meant that I didn't just teach myself to take pictures, but that I also got to teach myself how to see." [Style.com]
• Valentino Garavani is sure glad he quit last spring, before the economy cratered. Now he just gets to do fun things, like go around the world to places like Aspen and New York City where a documentary made about him, Valentino: The Last Emperor, is opening. Just don't call him "Emperor": "That doesn't sound very young or fresh," says the former designer. [W]
• I realize Roberto Cavalli is in trouble, and all, with the bankruptcy of Just Cavalli's licensee, Ittierre, and the lawsuits stemming from that, and the ranting in front of reporters and the tears and heartbreak of it all, but I wonder if launching the "Roberto Cavalli Pets" collection is really the answer. [W]
• Angela Missoni, who built her family's clothing company into the multinational knitwear brand we know today, was honored at the annual Women's World Awards in Vienna. Princess Rania of Jordan gave her her prize, which I'm imagining as a kind of Stanley Cup of womanhood. [Elle UK]
• There's a fashion line called Jezebel, which we like. Unfortunately, it's done by the daughter of a celebrity, and seems to be exclusively overpriced t-shirts, which we don't. Shoulda trademarked that shit, Denton. [WWD]
• Anna Kournikova, new face of K Swiss, poses seductively with a variety of tennis nets and balls for the spring campaign. [Daily Mail]
• Bertrand Hennet, an executive at Elite Model World, the parent company of Elite, the world's largest modeling agency, has been charged with buying and transporting cocaine. Hennet admitted sending as much as 2 grams of the Colombian marching powder up his snout every night, and both his home and office were searched during the bust. However, he was not charged with supplying the drug to others. [Breitbart]
• Lambertson Truex, makers of $3,995 python handbags, has filed for bankruptcy protection in the state of Delaware. The company reports debts of $10-50 million, and assets of $1-10 million. [WSJ]
• Three editors at Cosmopolitan have reportedly been fired. [Daily Intel]
• Olivier Theyskens takes a different approach when folks try to fire him. Theyskens, creative director of Nina Ricci, has been the subject of increasingly urgent rumors about his future at the company over recent months. This week, after he showed a masterful collection for the brand in Paris, the word is that Puig boss Mario Grauso fired Theyskens but that he will not leave. [The Cut]
• Also not taking any crap from anyone is cantankerous Canadian septuagenarian Morley Safer. Following Anna Wintour around the global fashion circuit, Safer might have missed his bedtime a few too many nights in a row; he stopped editors and celebrities from taking their front-row seats at Balenciaga and "shushed" them so he could finish a chat with Wintour, whom he's covering for 60 Minutes. [NY Times]
• Apparently, Marky Ramone used to play in a band called King Flux with Andy Hilfiger. This led him to meet Tommy Hilfiger, King Flux's sometime manager/stylist, which in turn led him to design a line of Authentically Punk (TM) ripped (of course) jeans and studded (natch) leather jackets, which you can now buy at Tommy Hilfiger's stores. [Observer]
• Katy Perry, a celebrity designer Marky probably wouldn't want to be associated with, is making sure to take her time with her clothing line. She wouldn't want it to look opportunistic, after all. [Hindustan Times]
• Ann Taylor's fourth quarter loss has widened significantly, to $375.6 million. [Crain's]
• Dior's strategy for the recession: insuring that nobody forgets their brand is the meaning of luxury. Those that will brook no substitutions will still probably be wealthy enough to shop there. [Portfolio]
• Yves Saint Laurent is also digging in to an ambitious plan for growth. [WWD]
• We had the Lipstick Bellwether (which wasn't actually true, but sounded good) and then the Hemline Indicator (which just never made any sense to begin with). Then it was the Heel Height Index and the Platform For Economic Growth, because you know platform shoes were invented during the Depression (not). If you can abide one more idiotic trend story about what item of clothing we are, or are not, buying in this economic climate, this one about the Skinny Tie For Lean Times is good for a laugh. [Telegraph]

[New York, February 12. Image via Splash.]