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Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story

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BiteMeMitchell!
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
"We get it: masturbation = good. But for the many women who can come by themselves but not with a partner, this may not be that much help."

A-fucking-men, Anna. If I read one more article telling me that I just need to work it out for myself and then show my partner, I will scream. I can make myself cum in less than a minute, but when my partners do what I do, it does not feel the same and it DOES NOT WORK. There are such minute variations in pressure and angle needed and there is no way I could describe them to another person. I'm sick of being made to feel inadequate about it by magazines, I'm not frigid, I have no physical problems, I'm not a prude, I just need very precise stimulation.
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veronykah
06/22/09

@BiteMeMitchell!: Thank you, me too.
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The Queen of No
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
My friend read this article when he found my Glamour (THEY SENT ME IT AFTER JANE WENT KAPUT) in my room. He kept going: "hmm, interesting... oh, I did not know that... nice.." hahaha. I don't know.
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gilded with sunflowers
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
One suggestion I have for *some* women is to put down all these mags with their photoshopped, airbrushed supermodels, which in my humble experience tend to make even the smartest of women feel insecure and inadequate about their own bodies and appearances. Nothing kills the mood quite as effectively as worrying about your weight, less than perky breasts, body hair, cellulitis, and everything else that goes together with a natural, normal female body.

Wasn't there a recent link here to a Men's Health article about "what women think", where the writer confessed to obsessing about her belly during the first time in bed with a new lover? Bet she didn't come.
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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
06/22/09

@wildwhuck: Maybe he thinks you can cum whenever you please, like the guy from today's CEFAD.

Try yelling 'It doesn't work that way!' mid-coitus.
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shewar
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
I always wonder about these girls that go around talking about how they have amazing sex even though their boy has a small dick. It's as if they're more insecure about its size than the boy is.
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dripdrop
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
I wish there was a women's magazine that wasn't afraid to use words like "clitoris" and "vulva" instead of "vahjayjay" or even "down there." If they can't even use the actual words to refer to these body parts, how the hell am I supposed to take them seriously?

Does a magazine like this exist?!
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Flackette Goes Retro
06/22/09

@dripdrop: Bust.
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ihateyourescalade
06/22/09

@dripdrop: They used to. They were called Glamour and Cosmopolitan and Mademoiselle back before Bonnie Fuller and her ilk ruined everything.
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maybeimamazed02
06/22/09

@dripdrop: I fucking hate the euphemism "vajayjay." It just makes me angry, more so than any other word for vagina.

The Vagina Monologues has a pretty great piece about all the euphemisms out there.
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veronykah
06/22/09

@dripdrop: I really loved when I had a subscription to Jane, when they folded they started sending me Glamour instead.
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deitybox
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
You know some intern at Glamour is reading this and next month's tips will include "Glamour Up Your Cooch: The Magazine that Doubles as a Sex Toy!!!"
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AtomiClash: humanitarian misanthrope
06/22/09

@deitybox: but will they include a diagram on how to use it like the showed us how to shower?

...perhaps I took that too far...
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ihateyourescalade
06/22/09

@deitybox: I think that's more Cosmo than Glamour, though.
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save jinger
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
If you can't have an orgasm from sex, try shoe shopping. Or chocolate.
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AtomiClash: humanitarian misanthrope
06/22/09

@save jinger: you forgot dieting and exercise!
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shewar
06/22/09

@save jinger: Honestly I'd pick shoe shopping over sex any day. Glamour, don't bother with this shit. Just show me pretty pictures of shoes please&thanks.
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SunburnedCounsel
06/22/09

@save jinger: I console myself with yogurt.
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thesciencegirl
06/22/09

@save jinger: or washing your hair!
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PreposterousHypothesis
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
I hate these articles, because at some point it's inferring that if you can't orgasm easily, something is WRONG with you. Isn't everyone different? Don't some people come really easily by various methods? Don't some people try everything, and their bodies are just stubborn? I just don't like that there's some supposed norm for orgasms. I guess I could apply this to norms for sexual behavior in general.
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freya_kahlo
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
Don't most women need their clits stroked during sex to get off? And if the partner's not doing it/can't reach it, you do it yourself? I thought that was totally normal now - or am I way off base?
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Hana Maru
06/22/09

@freya_kahlo: Normal, yes, but not necessary for all women. It is definitely tired advice from Glamour.
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Flackette Goes Retro
06/22/09

@freya_kahlo: It's normal in my life! Whether I'm doing it or he is, there is going to have to be some clitoris action for me to get to orgasm during any kind of sex.
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HistoricUpstart
06/22/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: Same here! I'm surprised Glamor sees this as so revolutionary. It's common freaking sense!
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maybeimamazed02
06/22/09

@freya_kahlo: I usually don't. Maybe I'm weird.
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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
I understand not being able to get yourself off, or never having had an orgasm and wanting it, but this bull about not being able to cum with a partner 'the right way' is just annoying.

Are you there? Is your partner there? Are you cumming? That's great! Now stop crying if you 'have to' rub your clit for it to happen, or use a vibrator, or can only get off when he goes down on you. Sure, keep reaching for the hands-free rainbow, but don't act like it's not a real orgasm if it's not done through his magical cock and that alone (and god help him if that's what he thinks).

How many guys would be happy if sex was limited to unzip/dick/cum. No help from you, no blowjobs or handjobs, no nothing.

Okay, some would, but what kind of sex life is that?
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tscheese
06/22/09

@HeatherNumber1: But if this mag can't give sensational, total-solution, one-size-fits-all "advice", they might have to acknowledge things like nuance, unconventionality, and individual differences! AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT
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nessalicious
06/22/09

@HeatherNumber1: 'Reaching for the hands-free rainbow' is the best thing I have ever heard. I think I love you.
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Elaken
06/22/09

@HeatherNumber1: I understand the sentiment but frankly I am gonna keep being a little sad that I am incapable of cumming with anything other than my vibrator (and sometimes his hands). Granted I'll never expect the penis-only option but I have to keep hoping it will be a little easier at some point in the future.
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raspberryleaf
06/22/09

@Elaken:

I'd be thrilled if hands could get me off! i have never ever ever ever cum from anything but a vibrator. I'm 34. And thank the gods that my husband (who I've been with for 13 years) is down with it! We use it while we do it, etc. But I would so love to be able to orgasm without machinery. The bright spot is that oral used to be something I barely tolerated and now I kinda like, so maybe someday... maybe someday there is hope for me!
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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
06/22/09

@gilded with sunflowers: Second this. Body insecurity is a major bonerkiller, as is really bad porn (it's just too funny and fake, and you start to wonder if the implants hurt) and, I swear, sexism (in the news, at work, etc. Just makes you too mad at the world).

This is why booze and pot work wonders for many people, I think.
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sympathyforthebasementcat
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
The best advice I can give is try as hard as you can to relax. Make yourself focus on the moment - really discipline your mind. Be super conscious of your body - everything has to be in exactly the right place or it will never work for you so always make sure your body and positioning are perfect. And, no pressure, but if this doesn't work, you're frigid and your body is defective.

So just relax and enjoy it, you know?
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Eleanor Ramilly
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
You know what might help? Talking to your partner about what you like, and then asking them to do it.
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TheGarlicSong [HELP, I'M A ROCK!]
06/22/09

@Eleanor Ramilly: That's just silly, you learn how to have sex from porn! Everyone likes being slapped in the face with a penis!
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Ailatan
06/22/09

@Eleanor Ramilly: Nonsense, child!
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cantstopwontstop
06/22/09

@TheGarlicSong [HELP, I'M A ROCK!]: "Everyone likes being slapped in the face with a penis!" is my favourite sentence of the day. My best friend is going to call me at 5pm- I'm going to answer the phone, gleefully, with that phrase when she rings.
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Eleanor Ramilly
06/22/09

OK, you all seriously just made me gasp and cover my mouth lest I start laughing inappropriately in my silent office.

Slapped in the face by a penis? Spitting on lady flowers? Way to make my shitty day about 10 times better, Jezzies!
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femputer
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
but then how does my doctor help teach me to orgasm? The thought alone sends shivers down my spine.
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Ailatan
06/22/09

@femputer: I'm thinking about those Victorian doctors and their methods to cure "hysteria".
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femputer
06/22/09

@Ailatan Hearts BabyJane: Precisely.
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debo matar la zombi goldberry83
06/22/09

@femputer: I'm remembering the 19th(?) century treatments for hysteria - not. hot.
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Ailatan
06/22/09

@femputer: a "hands on" approach...
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shorty63136
06/22/09

@femputer: My doc is pretty foxy. I wouldn't mind at little hands-on encouragement.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
06/22/09

@femputer: I'm sure I saw that on L&O SVU years ago.
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lalaland13
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
My biggest problem has always been holding the magazine up during sex. I mean, if I can't read along, how can I make sure I'm not doing it wrong, ya know?
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Ailatan
06/22/09

@lalaland13: Maybe it's the guy/gal you're with, either tell him/her to look up all your bits in Google Earth or get a GPS. Problem Solved!
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femputer
06/22/09

@lalaland13: WIN! Aaaaand, nominated. See you in the Reader Roundup; that was hilarious.
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lalaland13
06/22/09

@Ailatan Hearts BabyJane: I also need to look through Glamour to remind myself that I can't have good sex because I'm so darn fat and the padding absorbs all the sensation. Thanks, Glamour!
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tonightineed is actually Mrs. Ziegler-Spock
06/22/09

@lalaland13: and what do I do if there are no scrunchies nearby?
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tscheese
06/22/09

@lalaland13: Oh, I just drape it over his face. Gives me something to do.
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Ailatan
06/22/09

@lalaland13: Now... what can I say? Fat people should never under any circumstance have any sexual intercourse! If there is something that women's magazines have taught us is that fat=unfuckable.
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AtomiClash: humanitarian misanthrope
06/22/09

@lalaland13: I find a sheet music stand particularly helpful. Also effective: having my butler hold it open and turn the pages mid-coitus.
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Ailatan
06/22/09

@tonightineed is actually Mrs. Ziegler-Spock: What about something like this... I think it would be appropriate for a virgin:

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save jinger
06/22/09

@Ailatan Hearts BabyJane: But what about "more cushion for the pushin'"?
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lalaland13
06/22/09

@Ailatan Hearts BabyJane: Except men. Fat men are adorable and cuddly, and should start in every single sitcom on CBS.
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BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit)
06/22/09

@femputer: Ditto - LOLZ!!1!
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lalaland13
06/22/09

@femputer: @BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): Thanks, ladies. Your niceness made my hot-ass Monday a little cooler. Well, not literally. Because my office a/c sucks. But figuratively, yessir.
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Penny
06/22/09

In reply to Lies Magazines Tell: Anatomy Of An Orgasm How-to Story
Whatever happened to each vagina being as unique as a snowflake?
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