Jezebel 
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New York, 4:12 AM
Mon Nov 30
18 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/17/09
11/17/09
11/16/09
I feel nothing but deep pain for her family.
11/16/09
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11/16/09
Look, I was sober for a long strectch (four years) before I fell off the wagon again). I have this feeling that Diane Schuler was a lot like me. She probably knew deep down that her drinking was getting dangerous, but she kept justifying it ("I'm stressed" etc.). Plus, she probably hid her bottles and carefully guarded her drinks. Plus, there's a weird thing about alcoholism (at least in my case). In serious cases, you can drink heavily (8 ounces or more) and not feel it. Then, suddenly, BAM. You're loaded and passing out. It's like you build a threshold and then the flood breaches the wall.
That's what I imagined happened to Schuler. She justified a few nips at the bottle to get through a tough car ride and kept going until she hit the wall.
I'm not excusing her actions.I'm not justifying what she did (by the grace of a higher power I never drove drunk). I just can see how it happened and how her husband can be in such profound denial. I just wish we, as women, would be more honest about it so crap like this doesn't happen again.
11/17/09
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11/18/09
11/18/09
I say this as someone who drinks a couple of beers or glasses of wine almost every night - a definite heavy-to-moderate drinker.
11/16/09
Lots of people do this when someone dies, elevate the person and denigrate themselves. Jsut leave them alone, they'll either work it out on their own or they won't. Public judgment or scrutiny will only cement this guy in his delusions. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
That's needlessly cold. I saw nothing in that article that indicated they were looking for a payout.
It's perfectly normal when a wrong has been done, to expect an acknowledgment that it happened.
If on the other hand someone killed your family member and their family kept going to the press about how it's not possible that they did what they did because the killer was super-mom, and she wasn't drunk even though the official autopsy shows she was LOADED, I suspect you'd be pretty livid as well. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
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11/16/09
And I have a feeling that just a single statement from the Schuler family initially to the effect of, "We have no idea what happened that day, and are completely shocked by Diane's alleged role in it. We are so sorry for your loss," would have seriously mitigated a lot of their anger (but of course not their pain). #dianeschuler
11/16/09
11/16/09
#dianeschuler
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11/16/09
Obviously her parents divorce took a tremendous toll on her if she was the only one not speaking to her mother. Her brothers did. Maybe that's why she agreed to marry a man who she could mother more than be an equal partner. He views on his wife don't exactly strike a progressive cord.
The sad truth is that this woman had obviously deep problems that she kept well hidden from her close knit world. With those secrets she left behind a world of grief for others to follow. #dianeschuler
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11/16/09
Is this idea of perfection his own creation because he doesn't want to be judged or to have people think that he (a) didn't know his wife, (b) made her unhappy or(c) didn't talk to her. Or is it that he truly thought she was perfect in every way?
Something about it makes me think it's (a), (b), or (c). That is pretty one-sided of me, but I can't help it here. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
His press conferences after the accident seemed so strange to me though. I feel like a press conference after a car accident is pretty rare and it just accentuated the strangeness of his protestations. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
11/16/09
Check out the picture - that's second wedding clothes. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
11/16/09
Some enabling addicts begin the behavior in childhood -- it's an attempt to regulate the uncontrollable: "If I make it easy for X to be my friend, X will never not be my friend" or "Daddy will never drink" or "Mommy will not leave" etc. etc. etc. That's more what I was thinking -- but *any* kind of previous history with this sort of denial is troubling.
I wonder what sort of grief counseling he's seeking for himself and for his son. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
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I really, really hope family pressure isn't preventing her from venting any (completely understandable and expected) anger towards her brother's wife for killing her daughters. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
11/16/09
or else she found out her husband was screwing around, and got crazy drunk.
but even if you're very introverted, if you have substance abuse problems it's nearly impossible to keep that hidden. people pick up on it. it affects your personality one way or the other, so that you change. i keep thinking she wasn't an alcoholic; something devastated her that day and caused her to grab something to erase some great pain she was feeling. let's face it, booze is easily available almost everywhere. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
I was interested in the toxicology report, which stated that she had a BA of .19, after doing 10 shots of vodka. I drink socially, and 10 shots would knock me out. Seems to point to an increased tolerance?
The whole story is just sad for everyone. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
@msAnthrope: Recovering female addicts have commented that it's fairly easy to hide behind the role of mom or wife and use daily. Social drinkers probably wouldn't have 10 shots in 60 minutes while driving a car full of kids when feeling "down," so that signals some other mental/emotional issues. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
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11/16/09
It sounds like a textbook set-up for creating a functional alcoholic to me. #dianeschuler
11/17/09
i'm just curious because i had a codeine/ painkiller "addiction" and not only my boyfriend, but two casual work associates at a summer job could tell immediately when i'd taken them. lots of times i believe we *think* we are acting the same, but we're not.
also, a couple of years after i ended my own codeine addiction i worked at another place where one of the guys had shoulder surgery and was given oxycontin for pain. and boy could i ever tell the days when he took it! he was mindlessly "up," talking much louder and more animated than usual.
it may be that people around just don't want to know, which gives the addict the impression that they could "hide." either that, or the people around them have their own issues and aren't paying any attention to them. like this guy, whose most meaningful conversations with his wife revolved around cleaning the gutter.
just because somebody doesn't say something to an addict doesn't mean their behavior isn't off. #dianeschuler
11/17/09
the boy was 5 years old. believe me he would know if mommy was hitting the booze every night. he'd have said something. kids can sense when their parents are off. they're super tuned into the nuances of their parents' behavior. #dianeschuler
11/17/09
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11/16/09
He is mourning, as they are. Nobody is guilty of anything. The guilty party is dead. Sometimes life doesn't wrap itself into a box with a bow. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
11/16/09
But I do agree: I hope that one day they can all find peace and cope with their losses in more constructive ways. #dianeschuler
11/16/09
That being said, everyone involved is clearly bereaved and I don't want to judge anyone's right to process their grief in their own way. #dianeschuler