[Los Angeles, December 3. Image via Getty]

[Brignoles, France; September 29. Image via INFDaily]

[Nice, September 28. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[London, July 24. Image via Flynet]

[Los Angeles, July 21. Image via WENN]

[Upstate New York, April 25. Image via INF]

[New York, March 13. Image via INF]

[New York, February 25. Image via Splash.]

[Narita, Japan; January 27. Images via Getty]

[Van Nuys, December 3. Image via x17.]

[Venice, August 26. Images via Bauer-Griffin]

• "We weren't expecting twins. So it did shock us, and we jumped to six [children] quickly. But we like a challenge." That's Angelina Jolie speaking! She also says pregnancy is "great for the sex life." Hahaha, wow. Really? Do tell! "It just makes you a lot more creative. So you have fun, and as a woman you're just so round and full." Blushing now! [People via Entertainment Weekly]
• Ooh, and remember Brad's tattoo? Angie says: "I drew that. We went to Davos [Switzerland]. It's not that we were bored at the World Economic Forum, but one night we didn't have anything to do, so I was drawing on his back...The picture everybody saw was kind of awkward, but it just lines up beautifully on his back, just enhances the part of the body I like." [E! via Entertainment Weekly]
• Whee! Angelina might be in the new Muppets movie! [Hollywood Rag]
• Oh, and Maddox is enrolled at a local school in Brignoles, France. He's gonna spend the summer parlaying Français so he's ready for classes in the fall. [E!]
• Breaking: David and Victoria Beckham took the boys to Disneyland yesterday and Posh wore flats. Take a moment, breathe deeply. [ONTD]
• Madonna's brother has written a tell-alll! "It's extremely graphic and devastating," a source says. Christopher Ciccone apparently wrote it "on the sly" without telling his famous sister. The book should hit the shelves next month… [Page Six]

• Another juicy book: Lynne Spears's memoir about raising famous daughters will hit stores in September. Mere months after her unwed teenager gives birth! [People]
• Now that Lily Allen is in Los Angeles, she's being hounded by paparazzi. "Not that I'm complaining, they were perfectly pleasant," she says. "In fact we had a bit of a laugh with them and I quite fancied one of them." [People]
• Heidi Klum says she and Seal may have one more kid. They need to have another girl! [People]
• Britney Spears hung out with Mel Gibson at a cigar club in Beverly Hills on Tuesday. Apparently their relationship has the quality of an "ongoing guidance session." Jesus. No, really. Jesus. [People]
• Nicole Richie reality show? Why not? She was funny on Simple Life. [Just Jared]
• Forbes named Oprah as the world's most poweful celebrity. Again. [Reuters]
• Were Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston in a "beach battle"? [Daily Star]
• Timbaland got married! The bride is a music executive named Monique; the couple were wed in Virginia while wearing sweatpants. They'll have a more formal ceremony in Aruba later this month. [Us]
• Tom Cruise's lawyer kinda called Dr. Drew Pinsky a Nazi. Kinda. [Page Six]
• Say dasvidanya to Amy Winehouse: She's performing tonight for a Russian billionaire. In Moscow! [Page Six]
• Oh — a couple has been charged with conspiracy to supply drugs to Amy Winehouse. [The Sun]
• Producer Scott Storch owes $46,000 in child support, $500,000 in unpaid property taxes and $5,000 in school tuition for his 16-year-old son. [TMZ]
• Remember actress Susan Saint James? She was "Kate" on Kate & Allie! She got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Anyone ever watch that show? [ET]
• Members of Motley Crue are suing their management. Again. [TMZ]
• "On weekends, my friends and I would go out and get into fights with kids from other neighborhoods. One night we were scrapping with these guys in [Brooklyn's] Prospect Park, around the corner from my house, when all of a sudden I heard this pop and felt a hit under my left eye. It turned out I'd been shot. It was only a pellet gun, but it hurt pretty bad . . . That was my first and last gang fight." — Neil Diamond. [Page Six]

[Mugello, Italy; June 1. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Cannes, May 20. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Monaco, May 13. Image via INFDaily.com.]

[Austin, Texas; March 4. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

In the bedroom, Jezebel might be described as a "sloppy vixen."

• She explored early: over half of you learned how to orgasm before the age of 15, and nearly a third of you can masturbate if someone else is in the room, thanks to the freshman dormroom situation.
• Over 40% of you would totally bone down with your friends exes, but only if there were no emotional attachment.
• And a third of you have HPV. Perhaps you got it from your friend's ex-boyfriend?
• In her defense, if Jezebel is a slut, she's an honest slut: nearly half of you only lie by a 1-3 partner margin of error when giving your "number"; 27% of you don't even know your number.
• Jezebel prefers "Sade sex" to "Slayer sex", and forget doing her up the ass; 35% of you are haven't even had butt sex, and less than a quarter of you actually like it.
• And the room she likes to get down in? It's 54% likely to make Moe's look clean.
• And who she gets down with? He's a lot more likely to force you to watch "Stripes" than go anywhere near, like, guns and shit.

  
  Meanwhile, Jezebel's stance on current affairs might be described as "bleeding-heart realist."

  • When it comes to cuteness, Jez is mostly color-blind. In movie stars you are most likely to fantasize over the Caucasian Clive Owen, but when it comes to babies you kind of want a Maddox, although you love the rest of the Jolie-Pitt babes pretty evenly. You're deeply appalled by racism in celebrities, even when they are as dumb as Paris Hilton. You're good at compartmentalizing; you'll admit it when an enemy of democracy happens to be kind of hot. But when it comes to democracy protesters you narrowly prefer Pakistan's lawyers to Burma's monks, though much of that margin can be attributed to the dramatically-increased likelihood that the lawyers will actually have sex with you. You aren't delusional.
  • Which may explain why Jezebel is deeply skeptical that violent sex offenders can be rehabilitated, even when they are underage. About 20% of you wanted to see that group of teenage gang rapist-pornographers castrated and/or sentenced to death.
  • Jez has a nose for white lies and falsehoods: almost half of you believe Tyra banks is lying when she says she's never had plastic surgery.
  • Nearly 60% of you expect you'll vote for Hillary, but half of that 60% admit it would only to be to get Bill back and make it stop.
  • Because a mere 7.2% of you wanted Bush to be our president in 2004, and that number has not gotten higher since.

  The Jezebel lifestyle is definitely something to aspire to.

  • Over 50% of you think you're to old to have an abortion when your eggs are too old to hock on the black market .
  • And once born, of you think three or maybe four is too old to be carrying around a kid.
  • 81% of you think Michael Lohan is a better parenting role model than the "White Oprah."
  • You're highbrow about your media consumption: 64% of you prefer Tina Fey's comedic gems to Kim Kardashian's gem of an ass, and basically all of you would rather read anything than Teen Vogue.
  • And finally, definitely all of you drink too much. What a segue! Go do that now!

  So anyway, there you have it — a brief glimpse into the heart, soul and boy-panties of your garden-variety Jezebel. She's an HPV-havin', Tyra-disbelievin', bleeding-heart slob who chronically masturbates to fantasies of Clive Owen, and we wouldn't have her any other way.

[Beverly Hills, November 18. Image via x17]

[New York, October 11. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[New York, October 4. Image via Bauer-Griffin]