When I first met celebrity's name, she was adjective dressed in a designer's name article of clothing, looking both adjective and effortlessly adjective, as always. She'd already ordered—a meal that she adverb pushed around with her fork, smiling as she discussed her latest project. [Ed. note- if this interview takes place in the 1990s, make sure the meal is a chicken Caesar salad. If it takes place in the early 00's, make sure it's an egg white omelet. If it takes place now, make sure it's a frittata with whole grain toast.]

At first , she appears adjective when discussing her role as historical character. "I see a lot of myself in her," she says, "she was a woman faced with many challenges. She also had a vagina, which is another thing we share. That's just so adjective to me. I mean, it's really a role I was born to play."

But the Oscar buzz surrounding title of movie isn't nearly as strong as the buzz surrounding her latest fling with actor. I try to get her to say anything about this actor, even something like, "I don't want to talk about it," so I can justify putting "We ask actress all about her steamy relationship with actor!!!" on the cover of the magazine, which I'm going to do anyway, because it's the only reason anyone will even bother buying this fluff piece, probably, because I mean, really, how many times can you sit down and read about actress eating a meal and talking about playing a type of role as if it's the most fascinating thing you've ever heard? She eats and she acts! She eats, and she does her job! Celebrities! They're just like us!!! It doesn't matter that actor is just as boring in interviews: together, they will sell magazines!

"Where do you see yourself in ten years," I ask her, as she stares adverb out the window, pushing her adjective hair behind her adjective ears, displaying her adjective designer earrings. "You'll have to wait and see," she smiles, before getting up and heading out the door. And just as adverb as she came into my life, she is gone, off to her next noun, to play the role she is perhaps best suited to play: herself.

Feel free to post your interviews in the comments!

Diane von Furstenberg, Nicole Miller (3 mentions), Coke, Marquee, Tiffany, Cain, Budwieser, Skype, Chanel, Tenjune, Matsuri, Pink Elephant (3 mentions), Pastis, Cipriani, Le Bilboquet, Mediterraneo, 1 Oak, Hotel Gansevoort, Matsuri, Lazaro

See if you can figure out which is the name of her dog!

And see, see how happy the last page is, rid of all those pointless proper nouns? Awwwwwwwwwww, puke.

I Was Jilted Like A Real-Life Carrie Bradshaw [Page Six Magazine]
Related: Buy This Harvard-Free Keith Gessen Book And Win The Culture War! [Gawker]
Earlier: Will Sex & The City Make You A Communist?