• Madonna's daughter Lourdes, who is 12, was featured her "Celebration" video, which was released yesterday, but there is apparently another version in which Lourdes is dressed up in her mom's wedding dress outfit from "Like A Virgin." [Daily Mail]

• Katherine Heigl is taking a five episode hiatus from Grey's Anatomy to film the romantic comedy Life As We Know It. This is the first time the producers have allowed her to leave the show for an extended amount of time. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Michael Jackson will be buried tomorrow in a private sunset ceremony at Forest Lawn Memorial Park. He'll be interred in the cemetery's Great Mausoleum, where Clark Gable, Jean Harlow, and Carole Lombard were laid to rest. [AFP]
• DJ AM didn't have a will according to documents filed by his mother and she is listed as his sole heir. The documents say his income was more than $3.5 million, but his debts added up to $2.9 million. [TMZ]
• DJ AM's mother was named special administrator of his estate so she can finalize the sale of her son's house in Los Angeles, which he was in the process of selling. [TMZ]
• DJ AM will be buried at 3 p.m. today at the Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary in West Los Angeles after a private funeral. [E!]
• In his interview with ABC News next week Jon Gosselin says of Kate Gosselin, "I took a lot of abuse from her. I was put down. She'll call me, almost like a lame fish. Like I wasn't going anywhere." But Jon didn't take kindly to being a house husband. He says, "Well, excuse me, I'm taking care of the kids. She's on book tours, she's doing all these thing. You know she's gone a week ... comes back. Packs up and leaves again." [People]
• Jon also says during the interview, "What began as friendship has grown into something more. I know that my decision to appear publicly with Hailey this weekend will be scrutinized, but I hope that people can see I'm a regular guy who is going through a very difficult time in life and wants to move forward." [Perez Hilton]
• Florin Cioaba, Romania's self-proclaimed "King of the Gypsies" praised Madonna for speaking out on behalf of Gypsies during a concert, saying, "Madonna is the only international personality to have raised the problem of discrimination against the Roma in Europe." [AP]
• Lily Allen will guest star on as herself in an episode of the Australian soap Neighbours. [Daily Mail]
• Whitney Houston left her Good Morning America concert after singing only four songs saying, "I'm so sorry. I did Oprah. I've been talking for so long. … I talked so much, my voice," she said. "I shouldn't be talking. I should be singing." [People]
• Hayden Christensen's brother, producer Tove Christensen, was arrested this morning for felony assault with a deadly weapon because he allegedly dragged his girlfriend 30 feet while she hung on to the side of his car. [TMZ]
• Sharon Osbourne has been accused of trying to run over a court official while he delivered legal papers to her house. Megan Hauserman says the official was trying to give her documents related to her lawsuit against Sharon for allegedly attacking her during Rock of Love: Charm School. [The Sun]
• You can listen to the 911 call made after Joe Francis allegedly attacked Playboy playmate Jayde Nicole here: [Radar Online]
• Police are reviewing security camera footage taken in the Hollywood club where Joe Francis allegedly assaulted Jayde Nicole. [TMZ]
• Here are some tips for a happy marriage from the Duggars, in case you're having a hard time coping with your 18 + children. [People]
• A chef is suing Simon Cowell and ex-girlfriend Terri Seymour because she claims when she auditioned to work for them they made her change into clear-bottomed sneakers and she left her shoes with $500 orthopedic insoles in their house. [TMZ]
• Boy George's ankle monitor has been removed and his curfew has been lifted. He posted a picture of his foot with the message "In the words of John INman, "I'm free!'" on Twitter. [The Sun]
• A spokesman for the Rolling Stones is denying the rumors that drummer Charlie Watts has left the band. [The Mirror]
• Joyce DeWitt of Three's Company has been charged with DUI over her drunk driving arrest on July 4. [TMZ]
• Lil Mama has apologized to GLADD for making fun of a transgender dancer while judging America's Best Dance Crew this weekend saying, "Leiomy, come on. Your behavior ... it's unacceptable ... You were born a man and you are becoming a woman. If you're going to become a woman, act like a lady ... It gets too crazy and it gets confusing." She said in the statement, "My remarks were never meant to be disrespectful regarding Leiomy's gender nor offensive to the LGBT community, which has been a community that has supported me in all my endeavors. However, in hindsight, I recognize that my words may have come across as hurtful. I spoke with her privately after the taping to express that it was not my intent to offend her or any member of the transgender community." [TMZ]
• An source claims he saw Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart using cocaine at a Hollywood party late last year. "I think Eric and Rebecca were there to get high. It didn't take long before she asked where the coke was. They went into another room and started snorting lines of cocaine. I watched them do it," said the source.
  [National Enquirer]
• The prosecution has finished presenting witnesses in the case of the woman accused of sexually abusing six teenagers at Oprah Winfrey's school for girls in South Africa. [CBS News]
• Justin Timberlake made a surprise appearance at a club in Las Vegas last night and gave everyone a free shot of 901 tequila, saying, "Me and my buddy started a homegrown tequila down in Mexico and I wanted to make sure you guys got a taste, so I bought everyone in the bar a shot." He toasted, "We should all believe in something and I believe it's time for another shot of tequila." [People]
• Cindy McCain is speaking out about her severe migranes, which she says she's suffered with for 15 years but never discussed before. She says she was hesitant to mention how much they hurt because of John McCain's experience as a POW. "There were times when I felt a little bit inadequate with my pain problem," she said. "But I had to get over that because I didn't live in John's shoes and he didn't live in mine. He doesn't always understand [migraines] but he knows they are real." [People]
• Travelodge's released a ‘books left behind index' of the 7200 books abandoned in its UK hotel rooms by its customers in the past year. Jordan's autobiography tops the list. Also in the top 10: John Grisham's The Appeal and The Magic and the Madness, J. Randy Taraborrelli's Michael Jackson biography. [Telegraph]
• Tim Burton says of Johnny Depp, "It's very nice to have someone that you can have a completely abstract conversation with and leave the room, feel like everything's fine, and then realize that if you pick it apart, you have absolutely no idea what either of you said." [MTV]
• "Living with Hef brought down my self-esteem a lot. I was comparing myself to the other girls. You have to look a certain way at the mansion." — Holly Madison [Newser]
• Jerry Seinfeld says of the old Seinfeld set being recreated for the cast's appearance on Curb Your Enthusiasm, "The best analogy is a snow globe. You're walking into a miniature fake environment that has been recreated. As I told people about it, I could go back in your life 10 years and recast your friends, recreate where you live, everything in it exactly how it was, and now somebody with a headset points at you and you walk in now, and there it was, and you go, ‘Jesus Christ, this is my old life!' We all felt like it was a very special experience. Just to go back in time in life is a fantasy." [Hollywood Insider]
• "I've never been the kind of person out on the prowl bedding different girls every night. I went through a two-week phase, but it was really awful. The ‘man about town' thing is so clichéd; I'd hate to think that I was subscribing to any idea of what someone in my position should be like. There's also the slight problem that the type of girl [I] go for would be way less likely to like me because I'm Mark Ronson. They'd much rather be talking to a Klaxon in the corner." — Mark Ronson [Telegraph]
• "What I can't figure out is why I wasted time worrying about my looks. I am a comedian. I'm not on the runway in Milan," says Kathy Griffin. "Believe it or not, people don't come to see me really thinking I'm going to look like Jennifer Aniston." [People]

• Jude Law got someone pregnant, but not Rachel McAdams' sister Kayleen — her rep (she's a makeup artist) says "She has never even met him." [Star]
• So. The mother of Jude Law's unborn spawn is:

Samantha Burke. She's an actress/model. Naturally. [TMZ]

• A source says that Samantha Burke wants Jude's cash! She expects "a large maintenance payment and financial costs, including a percentage of Jude's future earnings, agreed in writing." [The Sun]
• According to this report, Samantha Burke is from a wealthy family. Also, she looks good in a retro swimsuit. [Daily Mail]
• "Even Seth Rogen Now Hating on Katherine Heigl." He's talking shit about how she talks shit. And dissed The Ugly Truth: "That [movie] looks like it really puts women on a pedestal in a beautiful way." Plus: "I gotta say, it's not like we're the only people she said some batshit crazy things about. That's kind of her bag now." [NY Mag, LA Times]
• Carrie Prejean is planning to sue the Miss California USA organization for slander, libel, public disclosure of private facts, religious discrimination, intentional infliction of emotional distress and negligent infliction of emotional distress. This should be a big old mess. [Perez]
• Need beach reading? Three celebs have "written" new memoirs: Slumdog Millionaire's Rubina Ali; former Playmate Kendra Wilkinson and Good Charlotte's Joel Madden. [NY Daily News]
• Haterade Headline of the Day: "Tony Romo and Nick Lachey rebound with Jessica Simpson look-a-likes while she's left smooching a dog." [NY Daily News]
• Police chiefs suspected of "snooping" at Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate's home have been arrested. [NY Post]
• Emma Watson is related to a 16th century witch! Her distant relative Joan Playle was excommunicated from the Church of England for witchcraft in 1592. [E!]
• Eminem's new track, "Warning," is an answer to Mariah Carey's song, "Obsessed." He raps: "You probably think since it's been so long if I had something on you I woulda did it by now, on the contrary, Mary Poppins, I'm mixing our studio session down and sending it to mastering to make it loud, enough dirt on you to murder you, this is what the fuck I do... Mariah, it ever occur to you that I still have pictures?" [Yahoo News via E!]
• Amy Winehouse's wedding album: Found in trash. Seems Blaaaaake threw his copy away. [The Sun]
• Nora Ephron says she hopes Julie & Julia will remind everyone that before EVOO, there was BUTTER, which has now been demonized. "I just do not get that at all," Ephron says, since Julia Child and her husband lived into their 90s. "And they drank like fish," she says. "I don't believe that anything has to do with what you eat, if you don't overeat. All these people who think they can cut down on their cholesterol by eating those awful egg-white omelets. There's something I really hate. It is simply not going to make any difference if you have a couple egg yolks in your omelet." [USA Today]
• Will Katie Holmes be in the Sex And The City 2: Electric Boogaloo? A source says: "The character they want her to play is a really ballsy, high-powered company executive who tangles with Samantha." Sometimes you sort of forget she's an actress, for Xenu's sake. [The Sun]
• Jeepin' jeewillickers! Even though Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar named each of their 18 children a name beginning with the letter J, their first grandchild (from son Josh) will be named Mackenzie. Whether Josh and his wife will have 18 kids with M names remains to be seen. [Star]
• So much sadness: This report claims that Michael Jackson may have had collapsed veins and needle marks all over his body — plus — he may have been dead as early as 8:30 a.m. — four hours before paramedics were called. [ET]
• Warrants filed yesterday allege that Michael Jackson was an addict. It's a violation if Dr. Conrad Murray was "prescribing to an addict." [Yahoo News via AP]
• The Michael Jackson autopsy report: Delayed. [TMZ]
• How will TLC balance Jon & Kate's popularity with the family's right for privacy? Network exec Eileen O'Neill says: "It's a sensitive situation and we navigate that as we go along… It's the family's decision to be involved in the show… We want to stay with them as long as they want to stay with us." [Variety]
• What you'll see when Jon & Kate Plus 8 returns: "Jon and Kate have never said they were perfect," Eileen O'Neill says. "You're still going to see two parents that love their kids, but you'll see them parenting separately." [People]
• This columnist asserts that the return of Jon & Kate will help Kate's image. [MSNBC Scoop]
• And, because no one is sick of these people: Jon Gosselin (and Michael Lohan??) brainstormed a new show: Divorced Dads Club. [Page Six]
• Leonardo DiCaprio's ex, Bar Refaeli, has a new man: multi-millionaire Teddy Sagi, who is among Israel's top 30 richest men. [NY Daily News]
• BREAKING: Katy Perry and Rihanna have become inseparable. [Page Six]
• Mario Lopez says the Saved By The Bell reunion was a long time coming: "Everybody knew the 20-year anniversary was coming up. This People story has been in the works for over a year, long before [late night host] Jimmy Fallon started talking about it. We were all excited about it." But what's next? "Everybody is fired up. People keep coming up to me saying 'When are you guys going to do a show?'" [People]
• Mark Paul Gosselaar says of Dustin "Screech" Diamond: That's a disaster on so many levels… I don't know where his head is. I know probably as much as you know from watching things on TV." Plus, Gosselaar says that when he played Zack on Fallon last month, there was a reason he looked young: "I read a blog [where] some guy said, 'Dude, lay off the Botox.' I've never had Botox before. The wig was so fucking tight, it gave me a mini face-lift." [Newsweek]
• Penelope Cruz looked amazing at the premiere of Broken Embraces, but the airline had lost her luggage. [People]
• Penny Cruz: "I love London... but I have difficulties with the rainy weather." [Telegraph]
• Lost spoilers! CHARLIE. [E!]
• Details of the sort-of Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm, at the link. [LA Times]
• Lawyers are getting involved in that Twilight recasting drama involving Rachelle Lefevre. [E!]
• Viva la revolucion? Benicio del Toro, Bill Murray, Robert Duvall and James Caan were in Cuba yesterday. [Reuters]
• Paul Giamatti calls some scenes from his new film, Cold Souls, "sort of awkward and painful." [WSJ]
• Billy Crudup will join the cast of Eat, Pray, Love the movie, which also stars Julia Roberts, Javier Bardem and Richard Jenkins. [Variety]
• "Bandslam's account of a teenager's awkward attempts to settle into a new school remind former Friends star Lisa Kudrow of her own adolescence." [Telegraph]
• "Singer Peter Andre has accepted "substantial" damages over a newspaper claim he was unfaithful to his estranged wife, model Katie Price." [BBC News]
• "I really felt this film, which had a love affair with boeuf bourguignon, should come out in winter." — Meryl Streep on Julie & Julia. [USA Today]
• "I heard what he had to say and I knew at this moment my life would never be the same. Life no longer seemed like a series of Random events. I also began to see that being Rich and Famous wasn't going to bring me lasting fulfillment and that it was not the end of the journey." — Madonna, on first hearing about Kabbalah when pregnant with Lourdes. [AP]
• "Phoebe was so spiritual and 'out there' — and I wasn't at all. Not. At. All. If anyone was it was Jennifer [Aniston]. She introduced me to certain books that gave me an insight into that world – Phoebe's supposed world – which was a more spiritual realm." — Lisa Kudrow. [Daily Express]
• "My mom and dad were big hippies and I spent time on communes. I just remember the smell of soybeans everywhere. People were making all sorts of strange things out of soybeans: food, clothing, paper, everything. I suppose if I'd gone to military school, maybe I'd be pining for something like Woodstock. But I'm certainly pining for what it represents, and I think that's what Ang was really after with the film." — Liev Schreiber, on Taking Woodstock. [Style.com]
• "I don't watch Jon & Kate, but I still want to punch that Jon douche in the face.his smarmy,fat alcoholic bloat&Ed Hardy wear piss me off" — Rose McGowan. [Twitter]
• "The Jay-Z controversy is great. We couldn't buy P.R. like this. I think Jay-Z said he saw Auto-Tune used in a Wendy's commercial, and that pushed him over the edge." — Marco Alpert, vice president of the company which markets Auto-Tune, on Jay-Z's latest single, "D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune)." [NY Times]
• "Fuck you Katy Perry, you fucking stupid, maybe 'not good for the gays,' title thieving, haven't heard much else, so not quite sure if you're talented, fucking little slut." — Jill Sobule. [The Rumpus]

• A smattering of guy-centric sites have decided that August 4 should be A Day Without Megan Fox:

A Megan Fox media blackout day. Which, of course, makes me want to talk about Megan Fox, say Megan Fox and just Megan Fox Megan Fox Megan Fox. [Gatecrasher]

• More info on A Day Without Megan Fox at the link, and, of course, an intro to the Twitter tag #NoMF. [Asylum]
• A family affair: Madonna's daughter Lourdes will be in Her Madgesty's music video for the single "Celebration." [ET]
• Meanwhile, Guy Ritchie is in Montenegro cavorting with 18-year-old twin models. [Daily Mail]
• If this is true, it is Epic: A Kevin Federline weight-loss reality show. [MSNBC]
• A second act for Courtney Love? She may be moving to New York's West Village and signing with a "youthful" NYC music agency which manages bands like Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco. [Observer]
• Chris Brown's "Forever" is in the iTunes top 10, thanks to that viral wedding video. [Reuters]
• Detectives and DEA agents seized cell phones and a hard drive from Dr. Conrad Murray's house yesterday, confirming suspicions that he is the target of a manslaughter investigation. [People]
• Michael Jackson may have used at least 19 aliases to get drugs; authorities are searching Dr. Conrad Murray's medical records for the names. [TMZ]
• "LAPD detectives and members of the L.A. County Coroner's office are gathering info on various doctors who treated Michael Jackson over the years." [TMZ]
• Tito Jackson says: "I had no clue of what was being done by his personal physician whatsoever… but I feel at times he was [encircled by enablers]." [ET]
• Michael Jackson's personal chef recalls the day MJ died — how Dr. Conrad Murray ran down the stairs screaming, "Go get Prince!" [Yahoo News via AP]
• Josh Hartnett moved out of his apartment and an eyewitness says it was kind of a mess: "Organic food everywhere … All that's left is trash and facial products and stuff." [Observer]
• Even Kim Kardashian's BFF Brittny Gastineau was surprised that KK and Reggie Bush broke up. "I loved them as a couple," she says. "They clicked well together." [People]
• Katy Perry thinks Katy Perry's fake Josh Grobin[sic] tattoo is hilar. [Gatecrasher]
• Eddie Izzard will run more than 1,000 miles around the UK in seven weeks — for charity. [The Sun]
• What will you be watching this fall? According on one research company: Jay Leno, Vampire Diaries, Glee and Cougar Town. [Reuters]
• Elizabeth Mitchell dishes about Lost, V, and Sawyer, at the link. [E!]
• Johnny Knoxville: Officially divorced. [Extra]
• "Rachel Weisz sizes up her beefy co-star." [Telegraph]
• Whoa: Bryce Dallas Howard joins the Twilight cast for the Eclipse film, replacing Rachelle Lefevre as the character of Victoria. Not a sparkle vamp fan? All you need to know is this red-haired bloodsucker builds an army. [Variety]
• Charlize Theron will will produce, develop and star in an adaptation of Christopher Buckley's satirical novel Florence of Arabia. (Plot: A State Dept. employee {Charlize} watches her friend marry the prince of a Middle Eastern country and subsequently get executed, then fights for equal rights for the women of that country.) [Variety]
• From a description of Animal Fair magazine's 10th Annual Paws for Fashion Show: "Real Housewife Jill Zarin carried her tiny Chihuahua, whose red neckerchief matched her gown, and America's Next Top Model Jaslene Gonzalez and her Chihuahua wore Nina Ricci." [Observer]
• Slash and Steven Adler were both granted a restraining order yesterday against a woman who sounds a little… off. [TMZ]
• Prepare to weep: In a study of 5,000 children between the ages of 6 and 15, one in 20 picked former Boom Town Rats singer Bob Geldof instead of Sir Isaac Newton when asked to name the man who discovered gravity. A quarter did not know William Shakespeare wrote King Lear and nearly two thirds did not know when the slave trade was abolished in Britain. One in 20 were under the false impression that Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice was written by JK Rowling. [Telegraph]
• ANTM's CariDee English and Semi Precious Weapons frontman Justin Tranter: Makeout sesh in a pool. [Page Six]
• Q: In one scene the female character saws through her husband's leg, and in another the male character ejaculates blood. Is this the darkest film you've ever made? A: "Yeah, it could be. [Pause.] Yeah, yeah. Probably. What am I going to do now? I have no idea." — From a Q & A with Lars Von Trier, on his film, Antichrist. [Time]
• Blind item! "Which hard-partying rockette has so few friends that she calls up her publicist for lengthy four-hour chats every day?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I've butted heads with Ann Coulter many times on TV and I enjoy that. I want it to be a conglomeration of different opinions. I want guests to disagree with me, with each other, and have spirited debates. Not just about politics. I'm interested in everything, except sports and I'm interested in sports if there's an issue involved — rather than, you know, batting averages. [But no yelling.] Even on The View when it gets like that, it gives me a headache." — Joy Behar, on her new talk show for HLN. [LA Times]
• "Personally I think that's one of the most depressing things about the film industry generally today. The writers and directors should be blamed just as much as the studios because really everything seems to be a remake or adapting a 1970s TV show that was never particularly good. Why anyone thinks that it would be a good feature film now, you know, goodness knows why. And I guess it's easy to say it's security that you know a studio is only prepared to put $150 million or $200 million into something if it's a known quantity. But at the same time I'm also aware that audiences are getting fed up with the lack of original ideas and original stories. And if you look back to the great days of Star Wars and Indiana Jones and those sorts of movies, they weren't based on TV shows, they weren't based on comics. They were inspired by them and they had DNA in them which came from years of Flash Gordon and various things in the past but nonetheless they were original. And yet we seem to be incapable as a general industry, which includes not just the studios but the filmmakers and writers and directors, we seem to be incapable of doing that now for some reason. It's a little bit depressing." — Peter Jackson, who is promoting a film called District 9. [LA Times]
• "If one more 'journalist' makes a cavalier statement about me and my band, I will personally or with my fans' help, greet them at their home and discover just how much they believe in their freedom of speech. I dare you all to write one more thing that you won't say to my face. Because I will make you say it. In that manner. That is a threat." — Marilyn Manson. [Page Six]
• "I had a great time when I was young and still feel youthful. But I've no desire still to look as if I'm in my 20s. I don't want to look in the mirror and see The Joker from Batman staring back." — Kim Cattrall won't be getting plastic surgery. [Daily Express]
• "Some people are really passionate about film and some just want to be stars. I'm more interested in film." — Beastie Boy Adam Yauch, who will continue to work with his film company, Oscilloscope Laboratories, despite having cancer of the salivary gland. [Financial Times]
• "I think at first it was odd for the fans when I came on board. There was a question of whether I was going to kind of try to bring some amped up macho mentality … I wouldn't even know how to do that. I think I'm pretty fem. I have a lot of estrogen." — Chris Weitz, director of the next Twilight film, New Moon. [Time]
• Kid Rock does not like Twitter: "It's gay. If one more person asks me if I have a Twitter, I'm going to tell them, 'Twitter this shit, motherfucker.'" [Page Six]

• Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson the night before her 29th birthday on July 10, which is especially tragic because she had planned a Barbie and Ken themed party.

• A source said Jess had to cancel the party but she's "ok." Did the Ken costume push him over the edge? [Us]
• Madonna's daughter Lourdes was spotted wearing a SpineCor back brace, which is commonly used to treat scoliosis. [Yeeeah]
• David Beckham says rumors that he's posing in a series of sexy Emporio Armani ads with Angelina Jolie are untrue. "She's an amazing person and so is Brad. They're an incredible couple — got an amazing family. You know she wouldn't do it and I wouldn't do it. At the end of the day, I wouldn't do it because I'm married," he said. [Extra]
• Ian Halperin's Michael Jackson tell-all is coming out this week, so expect to hear more salacious details from the book, such as his claim that MJ was gay. Halperin said he's interviewed two of MJ's lovers. "He met a construction worker and fell madly in love with him," claims Halperin. "Michael would leave the house in disguise, often dressed as a woman, and would go meet his boyfriend at a motel that was one of Vegas' grungiest dives. Michael was broke. He struggled to put food on the table for his children. That was all he could afford then." [UPI]
• Sources say Debbie Rowe made a deal with Katherine Jackson that she'd give up custody of Paris and Prince as long as Joe Jackson would have no part in raising them. "The last thing she wanted was for those kids to be looked after by Joe and go through what Michael went through," said a source. "When [Rowe and Jackson] were [married], Michael poured out his heart about how much he loathed Joe for what he had done." [N.Y. Post]
• Sheryl Crow says of being Michael Jackson's backup dancer, "I like to call it magic. It's really overused where he is concerned, but I like to call it magic and I got to watch that magic every night." [CBS News]
• Michael Jackson's production company MJJ Productions has confirmed the rumors that a Michael Jackson video game is in the works. Supposedly it included MJ's voice and will be in stores by Christmas. [Mirror]
• A New York art gallery postponed an Andy Warhol portrait of Michael Jackson from the auction block. It's value was estimated at $1 million to $10 million, but the gallery wants to offer the painting to "the greatest number of prospective purchasers." [Yahoo]
• Next month Alana Stewart, one of Farrah Fawcett's closest friends, will publish a diary she kept while Farrah was battling cancer. Some of the profits will be donated to the Farrah Fawcett Foundation. [Crains]
• A judge ruled Amanda Brunfield, Billy Bob Thornton's daughter, won't be released from jail until an expert witness testifies about why there were bruises on the skull of the baby who died in her care. [The Orlando Sentinel]
• Maura Tierney has a breast tumor. She released a statement saying, "I have discovered a tumor in my breast which requires surgery. I will not know either my exact diagnosis or course of treatment until that surgery is performed." Her new show Parenthood was supposed to premiere in the fall but NBC has postponed it until 2010 so she can receive treatment. [N.Y. Times]
• Artie Lange says he doesn't know why he was charged with DUI. He claims he blew a 0.0 Breathalyzer and passed every test the police officer gave him after he rear ended another car. He says he was on his way to pick up a prescription for his sick mother. [TMZ]
• Nas has filed legal papers in his divorce from Kelis claiming he didn't get a $11 million record deal and his income is actually declining. While she says he's offered no child support for their unborn child, he says he wants to be "fully involved" in parenting the child, has already bough two cribs and a stroller, and has offered to pay $5,000 a month in child support. [TMZ]
• Megan Fox is shopping for a home in the Hollywood Hills. This weekend she looked at homes in the $2 million to $3 million range. [The Daily Mail]
• Survivor winner Richard Hatch went to prison for failing to pay taxes on his $1 million prize and is serving out the last three months of his sentence on house arrest. He's asked the court to let him participate in a 10th anniversary editor of the show to help pay the $400,000 he still owes the IRS. [E!]
• Miley Cyrus was paid $10,000 a day for voicing Bolt, but if they movie had made just $11 million more at the box office she would have made tons more in bonuses. [TMZ]
• Neil Patrick Harris will host the Emmy Awards on September 20. [N.Y. Times]
• Matt Damon will guest star on Entourage next season to raise money for his charity OneXOne. You can read spoilers here: [People]
• Natalie Portman has been cast as the female lead in the comic book movie Thor. Chris Hemsworth will play Thor and Kenneth Branagh is directing. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Holly Madison and Jason Statham were spotted hanging out in Las Vegas over the weekend. Elsewhere in Vegas, Leighton Meester performed songs from her upcoming album. [E!]
• Also spotted this weekend in Vegas: Evangeline Lilly, Dominic Monaghan, and his parents. [Just Jared]
• After many teenagers were turned away from Bruno this weekend, a version has been created for teens 15 and older. Only 1 minute and 50 seconds are missing from the 15+ film, which marks the first time two versions of a film have appeared in U.K. theaters. [BBC]
• Michelle Pfeiffer says maintaining her figure means limiting herself. "I'm not allowed to do those fancy foods, especially while shooting. At that time, I'm given certain portions. Meted out quantities. Like when we filmed Chéri in Paris, I did not partake of those sauces." [The Telegraph]
• Molly Ringwald gave birth to her twins, Adele Georgiana and Roman Stylianos last week. [ONTD]
• Mira Sorvino gave birth to her third child with her husband on June 22. His name is Holden. She says, "He is my miracle baby. With everything that threatened this pregnancy and both of our lives, he came out of it completely unscathed: perfectly healthy, beautiful and wonderful!" [People]
• Kelly Bensimon is coming back for season three of RHONY, but it's unclear which of her costars will join her. "I am coming back," said Kelly. "But I actually don't know who else is coming back. They don't really tell me." [People]
• Dylan McDermott says he became an actor because of his step-mother, Eve Ensler. He says Ensler, who married his dad when he was 15, "instantly said that I should be an actor" because she "saw something" in him. [AP]
• "Now I've got this moniker that I'm the foot-in-mouth gal, and I keep thinking, In what way? Because I said something you don't agree with? Because I said something you don't like? I'm just telling you my opinion. I hate the idea that I can't be honest about how I feel about things because it's going to piss somebody off who feels differently. That seems preposterous to me." — Katherine Heigl [ONTD]
• Kathy Griffin beat out Lisa Rinna and Tara Reid to win a "Who's Got A Hot Bikini Bod" poll on People.com. "I voted for myself obsessively – I mean many hundreds of times," says Griffin. "Then I called my mother and had her vote, and then I had the staff drop all other work so they could do nothing but vote for me... Finally, at 48-years-old I am seen as a stupid shallow sex object," she says. "That's right: there are guys now that are not gay – well as far as I know – that want to [sleep with] me, who don't think I am funny, or even smart. They just think I have a hot body and I'm all for that." [People]
• "I wasn't trying to be a role model with The Dutchess," says Fergie, but after "seeing little girls in the audience with their moms. [It] made me think about what I do onstage a little bit more. I had to watch my mouth, because it can be filthy." [People]
• "If David Beckham had of spoken out about Iraq it wouldn't have happened, I honestly believe that hand on heart, or Britain certainly wouldn't have got involved... Beckham's cultural gravitas was as such in that period that if he'd have gone 'I don't want this war in Iraq, it's an awful thing, we should not do it', it wouldn't have happened, the public would've gone mad against it. But because he kept his gob shut, and everybody else did, it happened, we sleepwalked our way there." — Jon McClure of Reverend And The Makers. [The Mirror]

• GLAAD is concerned about Sacha Baron Cohen's depiction of homosexuality in Brüno:

"We have very mixed emotions about the movie," says GLAAD's Rashad Robinson. "Those of us who saw the film agreed that you can't critique it as a single film because it's more like 90 minutes of individual sketches. Some are funny and hit their mark but others hit the [gay] community instead." GLAAD is asking for a bit where a baby is sitting in the same hot tub where two men are having sex be cut. "As someone who sat at the back of a focus group audience outside of Los Angeles, I felt they were laughing at us at times." [E!]

• Sacha Baron Cohen, dressed as Brüno, showed up outside of Buckingham Palace yesterday and announced: "I hope Prince Harry is coming to the premiere – I've heard he's a total slut!" [Telegraph]
• Brüno on prime minister Gordon Brown: "The guy needs a total makeover. He needs a fake tan, he needs to wear some tight slacks." [Telegraph]
• In the UK, you can't see Brüno unless you're over 18. [Telegraph]
• WTF: "Two police chiefs are under investigation for allegedly breaking into the Martins Ferry, Ohio, home of Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate in an attempt to dig up dirt they hoped to sell to the tabloids." [Gatecrasher]
• Elle magazine says it has "no reason" to believe that Lindsay Lohan is responsible for $500,000 worth of Dior jewelry missing from a photoshoot. [Gatecrasher]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have donated $1 million to the UN Refugee Agency, to help displaced people n Pakistan. This comes one week after Brad donated $1 million for a pediatric cancer center in Missouri. [People]
• Jersey Housewives' Danielle says of the showdown in the finale: "My kids deserved to see how Mommy was going to grow from this and move forward. My children needed to learn from that, and that is why they wanted to stay in the room." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Housewives' Dina says of Danielle: "I never denied that I was part of [exposing] the book. I just literally never had the book in my hands. Literally. Like, I never had possession of the book. So how can I go around showing something that was never in my hands? So Jacqueline misunderstood what I was saying. She thought I was saying I never had anything to do with it. But, no, I had everything to do with it." [People]
• Oh dear: Morgan Freeman had an affair with his step granddaughter??? [National Enquirer via Perez]
• Madonna is calling on Gwyneth Paltrow to help her decorate a room for new child, Mercy. Her Madgesty's "wish list" includes "porcelain dolls, antique teddy bears, a library of leather-bound children's books and ancient maps of Africa to adorn the walls." Plus! Lourdes is super excited about having a sister: "She's bought piles of leggings, hipster T-shirts, tutus and sneakers for the new arrival." [The Sun]
• This essay argues that Madonna's "acquisition" of Mercy just helps baby traffickers. [Daily Mail]
• "Madonna 'banned Kate Winslet's musician father from appearing on Snatch film soundtrack.'" [Daily Mail]
• Good news: Bret Michaels will not sue the Tony Awards, even though he was injured by a set piece: "I'm taking the high road." [People]
• Has Sean Penn gone back to his wife after Natalie Portman broke his heart? [Page Six]
• "Michael Jackson is looking for a child who is missing limbs or in a wheelchair to appear on stage with him at his O2 gigs." [The Sun]
• Wow: E! is asking fans if the site should be a "Speidi-Free Zone." In a poll, the site asks, "Beginning today through Sunday, we are putting it to the fans to decide whether to banish Heidi and Spencer from E! forever, or at least until they do something truly newsworthy." [E!]
• Billy Joel's daughter and ex-wife speak out about his split from wife Katie Lee: daughter Alexa says, "If my dad's happy, I'm happy and I respect any decision that he makes." Chrsitie Brinkley says: "I'm very sad that this has happened, and I wish them both happiness." [Extra]
• Billy Joel's wife Katie Lee was seen dancing "erotically" with fashion designer Yigal Azrouel six months ago, and some say he introduced her to people as his girlfriend. [NY Post]
• Apocalypto: Paris Hilton — and her reality show — have landed in Dubai. [AP]
• 50 Cent spent $33,000 on Tom Ford suits. [Page Six]
• Like Lost? Like Sawyer, aka Josh Holloway? In this clip, he talks about all kinds of stuff — his character, Jack, Juliet, etc. [EW]
• Lost alum Maggie Grace: Returning to Hawaii, but she teases: "I don't know why." [E!]
• I dare you, DARE you to watch this video of Ellen Page, Alia Shawkat (who was Maeby from Arrested Development), and Har Mar Superstar singing "Don't Stop Believing" and not cringe, wince or guffaw. [NY Mag]
• A fourth Mission: Impossible starring Tom Cruise? Just looks desperate. Although having JJ Abrams involved again is interesting. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eckhart star in Love Happens, a movie about a self-help guru with a secret who dates a florist. Except it seems like the secret is given away in the trailer, which is posted at the link. [People]
• Reese Witherspoon with star in Pharm Girl, a comedy about one woman's experience working at a large pharmaceutical company — the longer she works there, the more she sees the "underbelly" of the industry. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rashida Jones will star in a rom com called Celeste And Jesse Forever, about a divorcing couple who attempt to maintain their friendship while pursuing new relationships. [UPI]
• Coming soon: A Bride Of Frankenstein remake, in which "the monster is a babe," someone like Scarlett Johansson or Anne Hathaway. [Page Six]
• Guy Ritchie's chauffeur: Caught driving without insurance. [The Sun]
• Kelis has filed her financials with the court and it all comes down to the fact that she doesn't have a lot of cash, and having a baby takes money. She'd like Nas to pay up. [TMZ]
• TR Knight is leaving Grey's Anatomy and word is, he wants to do Broadway. Or at least: Theater. [E!]
• Snippet from this Betty White interview: You stole the movie [The Proposal]. And added the sentimentality it needed. That scene in the airplane really got me. "Well aren't you dear. Thank you." There were some other topics I wanted to cover— "Can I get you any coffee or water?" [MovieLine]
• George Lucas is building an office complex that looks exactly like Hearst Castle. [mediabistro.com]
• Critical acclaim for the second season of Mad Men? Duh. [Variety]
• You can't sue the Bionic Woman over a car crash! She doesn't drive. She just runs, making a wannannana - wannanana - sound effect! [TMZ]
• Ozzy Osbourne will appear on Jack Osbourne's show, Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie, in which stars do stuff like bungee jump, white water raft and skydive. [The Sun]
• "Ryan Cabrera Sued over Death Trap Driveway." [TMZ]
• Katie "Jordan" Price got drunk in Ibiza and said to a journalist: "I'm gonna cut your fucking face. I swear to God I'll fucking cut you." Charming! [Daily Mail]
• Is Conan O'Brien losing viewers to David Letterman? [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which ditsy blond didn't seem to care when a crowd of ladies caught her sniffing Colombia's finest - right out in the open - in Atlantic City?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Miss Congeniality was a romantic comedy, I call that a buddy flick. It's a new kind of film. If you really think about it; it wasn't about romance, it was about her saving her friend at the beauty pageant. Men do films like this, The Proposal or Miss Congeniality, all the time and they're considered comedies and there's always love in it. There's always love in it. There's always a relationship. I would like to help create a broader spectrum of categories where the writing gets better. There are great writers out there." — Sandra Bullock. [Reuters]
• "He's like a new man. He really went through something [with that racist tirade incident]. He used to be very angry and bitter. He's completely different now. You can see it, and he can feel it. I'm very happy for him." — Larry David on Michael Richards. [Reuters]
• "I wish I could afford to be here all the time, but it's a very expensive city to work in. It's gotten worse for me. It's gotten better in that they give you tax breaks. But everything (else) has gone up. I work on a very limited budget." — Woody Allen. [USA Today]
• "Chaz is embarking on a difficult journey, but one that I will support. I respect the courage it takes to go through this transition in the glare of public scrutiny, and although I may not understand, I will strive to be understanding ... The one thing that will never change is my abiding love for my child." — Cher, on her daughter's decision to undergo a sex change. [TMZ]
• "Positive is not funny. Nobody laughs at positive, 'What a beautiful day it is!' or how many friends I have, how many people love me. There's nothing funny about that at all. But there's funny in the negative. When you speak in negative terms, the more negative, the funnier it is. Hence, the funny crank." — Larry David. [LA Times]
• "In America, there's such a hunger for young people, so you get the young up-and-coming star. And then it becomes a time period when they really don't know what to do with you or how to use you. And then it changes, I think, after 50 - then you become - 'I'm the mother of the 20-year-old.' So I'm hoping there's going to be a shift again and I'll work more." — Andie MacDowell, who says her 40s were an awkward time because she had trouble finding roles. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "I don't like the word 'cougar' because it just makes me think of teeth and somebody who's biting. We have to come up with a new word." — Countess Luann de Lesseps. [Gatecrasher]
• "You know what, I prefer a flatter-chested look. That's just kind of me. I think it's more of a fashion look. If you look at a lot of high-fashion models and things like that, they're always you know, a little flatter. I like the way clothes fit better…" — Lauren Conrad is not into plastic surgery. [People]
• "We should all believe in something, and I believe it's time for another shot of tequila." — Justin Timberlake. [Page Six]
• "Seriously, this is one of my favorite songs ever. I love the whole album. I'm completely immersed in it. I can't wait for you to hear it." — Mariah Carey on her OWN new single. [NY Daily News]

[London, April 12. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• It's going to be Kate Winslet vs. Kate Winslet at the Bafta awards. [Guardian]
• And! Winslet is on the February cover of In Style. [The Life Files]

• The Oscar presenters are a secret, but no one cares. [NY Daily News]
• Ruh-roh: Justin Timberlake was having dinner with Jessica Biel when Britney and her mom walked into the restaurant. A spy says JT and Jess quickly slumped down in their chairs to avoid Brit Brit. [Gatecrasher]
• Patrick Swayze and his wife Lisa are "each other's rocks." [People]
• Random celebs are going to the inauguration! Josh Lucas will attend the swearing-in ceremony, Kal Penn has a ticket, Gloria Reuben is going to the Creative Coalition's pre-inaugural bash, and Ashley Judd is going to a couple of balls and the swearing-in. Of course, Judd will swing through Sundance first. Stars! Just like us. Not. [USA Today]
• And yes, Will Smith will be there too, as an "eyewitness to history." [Telegraph]
• Want to know what Barack Obama will eat for dinner on January 19th, before he takes the oath of office the next day? Click away. [TMZ]
• The new Barack Obama wax figure is vaguely horrifying. [Concrete Loop]
• Oh dear: Mickey Rourke and Bai Ling made out at Chateau Marmont. [Page Six]
• Breaking: Naomi Campbell and Naomi Campbell's maid have settled their lawsuit. Raise your hand if you think the maid got paid. [AP]
• Lost fans! Foxy Matthew Fox is looking foxy on the cover of Details! [ONTD]
• Lost fans! Awesome Evangeline Lilly is on the cover of TV Guide! [JustJared]
• Whoa: Guy Ritchie was in Madonna's NYC apartment on Tuesday, because Lourdes begged them, "Please don’t be mean to each other." Now, says a source: "Madge and Guy are getting along better than they have in over a year." Absence makes the heart grow civil? [Gatecrasher]
• Madonna is flying to Florida for an equestrian festival, and she's having a British riding instructor flown out for her. Six months ago Madonna had a horse shipped to the U.S., how did we miss that? [Perez]
• Amy Winehouse has extended her "well-being" stay at Le Sport Spa in St. Lucia, but she is ignoring the booze ban her management put in place. A source says, "We keep catching her crawling past bars, or hiding behind chairs. She grabs guests’ drinks and runs off, like a squirrel with a nut." [MSNBC]
• Okay, even though this is a picture of Amy Winehouse on her hands and knees outside of a hotel bar, her spokesperson says: "Amy was not stealing drinks off people's tables. She could have been doing anything in those pictures. She is moving out of the hotel and into a private villa nearby. She wants a bit more privacy. Her dad arrived today and she has decided to stay out there for two more weeks. She is just on holiday and enjoying herself." Clearly. [Daily Mail]
• American Idol's Kara DioGuardi is defending her attack on the contestant known as Bikini Girl. It isn't that she has a problem with attractive women: "I love pretty girls," DioGuardi told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show. "The thing with Bikini Girl, to be honest with you — I think she had a better body than her face. But we wouldn’t be talking about the bikini if she killed the song." [MSNBC]
• In this behind-the-scenes video of Beyoncé and Solange's L'Oréal commercial, you find out that they each think the other one looks "beautiful and flawless." Oh, and there's hair choreography. [ONTD]
• This item is about how Daniel Craig admits he's done some "crap" films, and used to go in Blockbuster and throw his bad movies that were on the shelf under the counter. Which is the story he told Jon Stewart on The Daily Show, and we posted that clip here. [The Sun]
• We've heard this before, but Whoopi Goldberg is returning to the sci-fi genre: She'll produce and star in Stream, a series which premieres today on horror website and on-demand network FEARnet. [Reuters]
• Filmmaker Michael Moore "misused" a war photograph — in which a U.S. soldier is seen cradling a wounded Iraqi girl — and now there is a lawsuit and a kerfluffle. [Page Six]
• Will Ferrell is learning you can't say "douchebag" on morning television. [Page Six]
• Sharon Osbourne won't go on Jay Leno's new prime-time show in September: "I wouldn't go on it. Fuck no. He had always been a friend of ours, but then Ozzy went and performed on Jimmy Kimmel, and Jay has banned us ever since. So fuck him!" Tell us how you really feel, Sharon. [Page Six]
• By the by, Sharon has just won an apology and cold hard cash from The Sun after the paper falsely accused her of overworking husband Ozzy. [AP]
• Even though Courtenay Semel beat up Casey Johnson and set her hair on fire, the two will go to Sundance together this weekend. Fun! [Page Six]
• Emily Blunt is in negotiations to play femme fatale Black Widow in Iron Man 2. [Variety]
• Kendra Wilkinson says: "Now I'm totally against [Hefner's] way of life, with three girlfriends and all of that." But! She will marry fiancé Hank Baskett at the Playboy Mansion this summer. Moral compass: Askew. [NY Daily News]
• Aww, Lenny Kravitz and daughter Zoe work out with a trainer together in Miami. [Page Six]
• For some reason Craig Ferguson is really protective of Jimmy Fallon, who will take over Late Night in March. Ferguson told a bunch of TV critics: "I challenge you all to this: Give Jimmy a month before you review him. [Fallon] is kind of like the reverse Barack Obama. It's like he hasn't done anything yet, but everybody is commenting on his performance. Give him a chance." [AP]
• Jude Law and Judi Dench are helping save a gorgeous old Victorian church in north London. [Telegraph]
• Blind item! "Which aging action star had a leisurely conversation with a young, hunky co-star on set — all while being pleasured by an extra?" [Gatecrasher]
• Joey McIntyre says of the New Kids On The Block cruise: "Our manager tells us this is not a cheesy thing." But honey, he gets paid to say that. [Gatecrasher]
• Emma "Baby Spice Bunton" says there will be no Spice Girls reunion: "We had the most amazing time. It was a completely different vibe and we had so much fun. But it's done now, and I think we're all going in different directions." Ya think? [Mirror]
• Blur guitarist Graham Coxon says Pete Doherty is a "scumbag magnet." [The Sun]
• Daniel Radcliffe had to change a line in the play Equus because American tourists were laughing. It had to do with someone asking a horse's name and the line "Trojan... and you can stroke him." [Telegraph]
• "Are you sure you want to get this close to me after seeing my show?" — Bret Michaels to a group of "busty, flirty" fans who approached him begging for photos at a NYC bar on Monday. [Gatecrasher]
• "People come up to me and have certain words for me, but you know what I do? I say, 'I'm healthy, I exercise, I believe in myself, and I think I’m beautiful.' You just have to learn how to transform the pressures into something that doesn’t soak into you on a personal level. You see it, you breathe past it, you don’t let it sink into your self-esteem." — Raven-Symoné, who battles body critics, but will host a Dove-sponsored self-esteem workshop today. [People]
• "Honestly, to see how in love with Angelina he is, it was really quite disgusting. Awful in fact. It's in my contract now: I won't ever work with him again." — Cate Blanchett, joking about Brad Pitt. [Telegraph]
• "I got a souvenir. I got his glasses as a present. And it's my treasure. I love those glasses. He only has two pairs and he gave me one." — Penelope Cruz, on what Woody Allen gave her after Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Bet he says that to all the girls. [Hindustan Times via Contact Music]

• So many questions about John Travolta's late son: Could Jett have been saved? Was he autistic? Is Scientology to blame? [Mirror]

• Before he died, Jett Travolta had been taken off of his anti-seizure meds. [TMZ]
• A friend of John Travolta's says, "The desire to protect Jett informed everything John did," including flying his own plane. [Daily Mail]
• And! Looky here: More people are blaming Scientology for Jett's tragic death; saying the religion is responsible for the "willful non-treatment of mental health and neurological disorders." [Hollywood Interrupted]
• A message from John Travolta and Kelly Preston: "We would like to extend our deepest and most heartfelt thanks to everyone who has sent their love and condolences. Jett was the most wonderful son that two parents could ever ask for and lit up the lives of everyone he encountered. We are heartbroken that our time with him was so brief." [TMZ, Perez Hilton, Daily Mail]
• John Travolta held his son's limp hand in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, begging, "Jett, come on, Jett, come on, come around!" [NY Post]
• Oprah has called her buddy John Travolta to offer her condolences. [ET]
• John Travolta's friend and Chief Counsel, Mike Ossi, says: "I will defer to doctors and medical experts, but I don't want anyone to think that John and Kelly did not utilize all available medical and non-medical experts in an attempt to protect the interest of his children." [ET]
• Holy crap: Katie Holmes has spent £10 MILLION since moving to New York six months ago. If she moves, the economy will collapse! [The Sun]
• Do we believe that Scientology helped Tom Cruise overcome dyslexia? [Yahoo News]
• Gwyneth Paltrow is on a detox diet which bans dairy, gluten, meat, shellfish, all processed food, fatty nuts, potatoes and other related vegetables, condiments, sugar, alcohol, caffeine or fizzy drinks. "Happy" new year! [Telegraph]
• For some reason this story is about Kate Moss pregnancy rumors, even though she is seen smoking and drinking beer and her "stomach bump" appears to be abdominal muscle. [The Sun]
• Britney Spears is supposedly dating choreographer Sandip Soparrkar, but his Bollywood actress girlfriend says: "I don’t understand why Britney would stoop so low as to claim someone else’s boyfriend for her own. Sandip and I are very happy together." Uh oh! [Mirror]
• On the subject of Spears: Remember when cops used a decoy for Jamie Lynn Spears at LAX? The woman in question, Adessa Eskridge, says she was plucked from JLS's flight and told, "you're going to help us." Not asked; told. She didn't know why they slapped sunglasses on her and marched her into a crowd of paparazzi until later; she's suing for $100,000. [ONTD]
• Of course Barbara Walters has landed the first TV interview with Patrick Swayze since the Dirty Dancer announced he can cancer last year: Nobody puts Baba Wawa in a corner! [Contact Music]
• Host Samantha Harris wants hot hottie Hugh Jackman to appear on Dancing With The Stars, which would be awesome but will never happen. He's an actual star, see. [People]
• Speaking of DWTS: Karina Smirnoff and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are engaged. [NY Post]
• Michael Jackson, who may or may not be dying, wants to leave his share of the Beatles catalogue to Paul McCartney in his will. McCartney was furious in 1985 when Jackson outbid him to win the rights to the Lennon-McCartney songbook; Jackson wants to make peace. Remember when Mac & Jack were old-tymey buddies? [Mirror]
• Criss Angel is still using his freak "magic" on Holly Madison: They were seen having dessert with Holly's parents in Las Vegas on New Year's Day. Apparently this is the first time Holly's had her mom and dad to meet a boyfriend; was there something embarrassing about Hef? Other than his age, wardrobe and other gfs? [E!]
• Soulja Boy's rep has confirmed that the rapper was indeed assaulted last week; six men came to his home and robbed him and his friends. No word on whether the 18-year-old attempted to "Superman that ho." [Perez Hilton]
• Celebs use Twitter! John Cleese likes Marmite! Britney Spears hearts Japan! Yawn. [Daily Mail]
• Madonna's daughter Lourdes wants to be an actress: She's enrolled at the Professional Children's School, alma mater of Macaulay Culkin, Scarlett Johansson and Sarah Jessica Parker. Hopefully she's seen Swept Away and can just do the opposite of whatever that was. [Daily Mail]
• Speaking of Madonna, her brother conducted an interview from in his bed, in pyjamas and striped silk gown, reclining on two enormous Versace pillows. Of his book, Christopher Ciccone says: "She probably thinks of it as a desperate attempt for attention and money. And, ultimately, a betrayal. I think of it as a thesaurus - it's different ways of defining people and myself - and also as another piece of art." Plus: "I was born my mother's son, but I will die my sister's brother." [Guardian]
• Playwright and actor Sam Shepard was arrested on DUI charges in the town named Normal, Illinois over the weekend. [Breitbart]
• Is Amy Winehouse trying to get her groove back? She was seen kissing Caribbean singer Shayne Ross in St. Lucia right before Christmas. Once you go black… (And remember this?) [Mirror]
• Amy can walk on her hands, btw. [The Life Files]
• Are Prince William and Kate Middleton on the verge of getting engaged? They're staying in some "fairytale log cabin" where some think he's about to pop the question. [The Sun]
• Prince William and Prince Harry are setting up their own private office, which is "a significant step for the two young princes in establishing some independence from their father." [Telegraph]
• Ew: David Spade and Nicolette Sheridan might actually be a couple. [E!]
• Fergie, the Duchess of York, now rules a business empire; in addition to designing jewelry and writing, she's producing an animated film of her children's book. Being royal just isn't enough these days. [Daily Mail]
• Heather Mills is pissed that her former nanny is suing her, claiming "sexual discrimination, intimidation and constructive dismissal." Poor Heather has already spent $14.5 million of her $35.3 million settlement, how can she be expected to live on what's left? [UPI]
• By the by, Heather Mills feels "betrayed" by the lawsuit. [Daily Mail]
• Gary Oldman got married on New Year's Eve — and his fourth wife — Alexandra Edenborough — is gorgeous, dammit. [ONTD]
• Breaking! Is David Beckham out of shape? [LA Times]
• Posh had better get used to a long distance relationship: Victoria and the kids won't join Beckham in Milan when he starts this weekend. [Independent]
• Kudos to you, Kylie Minogue, and your hot Spanish "toyboy" and your French Alps vacation, where you were seen acting like a "loved-up teenager." [The Sun]
• Rihanna's got a huge glittering rock on "that" finger so the rumor is that she's engaged to Chris Brown. [The Sun]
• Jermaine Dupri has written an essay about Barack Obama for The Huffington Post, in which he wails: "Obama hasn't even been sworn in yet and he's being pushed and pulled in all the different directions everyone else thinks he's supposed to go. Everywhere I look people are trying to steer Obama one-way or the other… Who's next in line to bitch?" [Huffington Post]
• Mickey Rourke relates to his character in The Wrestler: "Once you've been somebody, really, you have a career and you're a nobody anymore, and you're getting older, you're living what's called a state of shame. I went through that in the movie business, you know? You are alone." [CBS News]
• Michelle Trachtenberg will return to Gossip Girl, but the commenters over on ONTD are all, "do not want." [ONTD]
• If you like shabby chic, check out the "rock retreat" of Pearl Lowe, Gavin Rossdale's ex and the mom of Daisy Lowe. [Daily Mail]
• If you're dying to know who makes the clothes Whitney Port wears on The City, she has listed the designers in nauseating detail. [Whitney Port]
• Dan Clark, formerly known as Nitro on American Gladiators, says steroids gave him man boobs, shriveled balls and a "dull throbbing pain" every time he had sex. Good times. [Page Six]
• Stars like T.I., Adam Levine, Chace Crawford and Maria Menounos partied in Miami over the weekend. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which politico adulterer finds many normal objects to be too sexually suggestive, and has to have them removed from his sight while he’s making speeches? Word is he gets too distracted to focus on his notes!" [Gatecrasher]
• Ex-Danity Kane singer Aubrey O'Day will be on the March cover of Playboy, even though she exposed plenty of her epidermis already, on Complex. [Gatecrasher]
• Ranae Shrider, the woman who called Verne "Mini Me" Troyer her boyfriend, is still telling her weird and creepy story to whomever will listen. Now she claims he ordered her around "like a slave" and she ran all his errands while he spent the day Googling his own name. She also says she wanted to be his girlfriend but didn't want to have sex with him. Tsk, tsk. [Mirror]
• Oh, but Verne "Mini Me" Troyer is the favorite to win the UK's Celebrity Big Brother. So there's that. [The Star]
• Speaking of Celebrity Big Brother, apparently Coolio used the N word and caused a stir. [The Sun]
• Yesterday People reported that Tara Reid had checked out of rehab; this was not true. [E!]
• Tara Reid is still in rehab but "doing well." [People]
• Jeremy Piven is dating a black chick. [Page Six]
• Actor/director Richard Attenborough, 85, is in stable condition after a head injury after a fall in his home last month; he was in a coma but has regained consciousness. [UPI]
• "I would steal Kate Winslet’s roles. All her roles. Don’t talk to me about it because she can do no wrong in my eyes. Not only is she the most amazing actress in the entire world, she’s nude in a lot of her films which shows she’s just fearless. Her choices are impeccable. She literally can do anything. If she can just give me two of her roles, I’d be happy." — Eva Mendes. [Daily Mail]
• "People are so enamored of the character that when they see in a script, 'detective,' they think, 'let's bring Belzer in.' They did that on The X-Files, on Arrested Development, on Sesame Street. It's been so much fun." — Richard Belzer on being Detective Munch. [UPI]
• "Men come and go but there really is no relationship like the one you have with a dog — and then they don't live as long as they should. You have to say goodbye way too soon. It's just so sad. It makes me so sad. But their love is unconditional and I love that." — Jennifer Aniston, possibly explaining why she's dating noted dog John Mayer. [The Sun]

[New York, November 21. Image via x17]

[New York, July 15. Image via Splash.]

[Beverly Hills, February 18. Images via x17]

[Santa Monica, October 15. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

[Image via Splash]