After This Week, We Never Want To Hear The Words "Manolo" or "Cosmo" Ever Again

• Unless you're living in a closet on Mars, you know that the Sex and the City movie premiered today.
• Slut Machine live blogged it wearing flip flops and eating some skittles. Suck on that, Louboutin wearers.
• The only part of the Sex and the City franchise that we're not sick of is Pat Field and her fabulous, gay, Payless lifestyle.
• Tyra Banks revealed her plans for world domination in the New York Times.
• TyTy sort of looked like a Bratz doll on that Times Mag cover; Bratz are also involved in world domination schemes

Meet Karenna, Martha Stewart's Wardrobe Mistress

• Martha Stewart has a wardrobe mistress paint the soles of her Christian Louboutins black. We would endorse this, as we take most of our fashion cues from the fictional character Cayce Pollard in William Gibson's Pattern Recognition and think that conspicuous logos are the scourge of the universe, but blogging about the fact that you not only remove said logos but have a "wardrobe mistress" to do it for you is not exactly inconspicuous. And yet...I love her? [The Martha Blog]
  
• Ooooh, promo shots from Stylista, the new Tyra-produced reality show wherein the winner gets to be the assistant to known-psychopath Anne Slowey! Anne, an Elle editor, is one of those fashion people who is driven batshit by persistent fad dieting, but the resultant batshitism, in an industry whose shallowness is matched only by its aloofness, can be kind of endearing, unless you are her assistant. Ratings gold! [Fashionologie]
  
• Tori Spelling and her son are shilling for Skechers, which I find fitting. I mean, Skechers is sort of the Tori Spelling of shoe brands, and if you don't believe me I'm here to remind you the company was founded by the same guy who brought the world L.A. Gear. [SassyBella]

Pray For Marc Jacobs

• "It's out of control. There's always a different boy and everyone is worried he's going to pull a Halston." That's an anonymous friend of Marc Jacobs on the increasingly-erratic fashion designer. [Page Six]
  
• Ouch: David Lauren was not invited to his girlfriend (of three years) Lauren Bush's cousin Jenna's wedding. You know, Jenna Bush: Daughter of the POTUS. Apparently the Bush clan think David is too old for Lauren. Oh, and also too Jewish? Awkward. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Kristin Davis is pissed about the injustices she faced making the Sex and the City movie: "It's in the contract that we get to keep our outfits, which is a fantastic thing, except that, for me, all of my outfits were samples. I kept my running pants, which I love and wear them a lot, but I was like, Where are my clothes?" [E!]

Sex And The City Cast Were Practically A Parody Of Themselves On Oprah

Posh + Tom Cruise = Velvet Suits For Everyone?

• Oh sweet Jesus: There are reports that Victoria Beckham will serve as the stylist on Tom Cruise's new movie, The Hardy Boys. [Fashionista]
  
• It's confirmed: The all-black Italian Vogue cover shot by Steven Meisel is a go and Jordan Dunn is set to star. [Vogue UK]
  
• Claire Danes: The new face of Gucci jewelry. Says Gucci creative director Frida Giannini: "Claire Danes is a modern icon...[Her] sensual, confident beauty and her passionate, independent and strong character embodies today's Gucci woman." Also, Claire Danes always looks totally bored by everything. Just saying. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Lindsay Lohan is the face of Visa's new glorified Salvation Army stores where old clothing can be swapped for other people's old clothing. How far she has fallen. [WWD, 5th item]

Gwen Stefani Wants You To Smell Like A Doll

• Gwen Stefani's soon-to-be-released Harajuku Lovers fragrance collection comes with dolls that look just like her own Harajuku girl back-up dancers. WTF. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• OMG is Britney Spears going to "collaborate" on a clothing line with Ed Hardy? Like whoah. [Star]
  
• The newest Donatella-designed Versace watch retails for $226,800. Says Donatella: "Women don't really need a watch to tell time today — they have their cell phones and BlackBerries." You heard it straight from the horse's mouth: It's expensive shit you don't need. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Why does making your own deodorant actually sound like fun? [BellaSugar]

Newly-Engaged Daniel Craig Sobs For His Suits

• "It's really a crime - it makes me weep every time." Daniel Craig, on having to get his Tom Ford suits dirty while filming James Bond movies. [Vogue UK]
  
• Blind item! "Which aging actress was the celebrity guest for a fashion function and made the moves on the company's powerful and handsome - but married - CEO? The company no longer works with her." [Page Six]
  
• Looks like ELLE International Creative Director Gilles Bensimon is on the masthead in name only; though Bensimon has historically shot every cover in the history of the American fashion magazine, his services were not needed for its upcoming April and May covers. Incidentally, Bensimon's contract is up come December. Any bets on whether they'll continue to keep him on the payroll? [WWD, 1st item]
  
• OMG the designs from this season's Project Runway [Yes, I'll be liveblogging the finale tonight] are up for auction online! [Fashion Week Daily]

Dear Diane: Sorry, But You Can't Claim To "Show The Soul Of A Woman" On The Same Day You Sue Target

• "With so many magazine images that are so completely retouched, we've gone in the opposite direction, showing the soul of a woman." That's artist Francois-Marie Banier, on this Diane von Furstenberg ad starring Natalia Vodianova. Which makes us wonder, if that is the "opposite direction" of the retouching trend, we sort of wonder what that trend would look like "taken to its hyperbolic extreme." [Vogue UK]
  
• And in other DVF news, Diane is suing Target over a wrapdress. Wait, you're telling us Target didn't invent the wrapdress? [Reuters]
  
• Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell are appearing on the February cover of French Vogue together — with Naomi appearing sans hair extensions. What would Tyra say? [Fashion Week Daily]

Isaac Mizrahi Joins The Big Gunn At Liz Claiborne

• Isaac Mizrahi is defecting from Target to join Tim Gunn at Liz Claiborne. [Maybe they will post a YouTube video of themselves doing lunch at the company salad bar so Jennie can use it for porn! -Moe] This is supposed to be a big "blow" to Target, but Claiborne can use all the help it can get. [NYT]
  
• Keith Richards is the new face of Louis Vuitton. It was Marc's idea, of course. It's like post-post-sharkjumpism or something. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Designer Diane von Furstenberg on Hillary Clinton: "I support Hillary because I believe she will do the best job in the White House. I do know her a little and like her very much. She is intelligent, diligent, micro and macro, and she truly cares." [WWD, 2nd item]

Press-Shy Celebrity Stylist Rachel Zoe To Star In Reality Show

• Rachel Zoe is getting her own reality show on Bravo, set to air in either June or September of this year. The show promises to bring a much-needed behind-the-scenes glimpse of the secretive world of helping celebrities shop by following one of its most obscure-yet-fascinating practitioners as she goes about the...Ugh, please just end this writer's strike already. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• But God is not altogether merciless! Stock in Crocs is in the shitter. [Rocky Mountain News]
  
• Frances Bean Cobain: the new face of Chanel? Hopefully Lagerfeld et al can make her look a little better than she does in the photo dug up here. [PopCrunch]
  
• In case you were wondering, Project Runway season 2 finalist Daniel Vosovic thinks that the contestants on the early seasons of the Bravo reality show were much more talented than those this season. We agree, albeit less arrogantly. [NY Mag]
  
• Jay-Z just bought a small London fashion house Artful Dodger, which may explain why he's been stocking up on European currency. [Mirror UK]

Christmas 2007: Drunk Stripper Santas, Shitty Sales, Deadly Tiger Rampages

Suri Cruise Is Going To Grow Up So Grounded

• 2-year old Suri Cruise has custom-made Christian Louboutins, making her the red-soled footwear company's youngest client ever. [NY Post]
  
• "She was a great sport. She agreed to do something rough and tough and quite raw. It wasn't days and days of hair and makeup," says Marc Jacobs of Victoria Beckham's participation in his Spring 2008 advertising campaig [WWD, 1st item]
  
• And in other Posh Spice news, Beckham has also posed in the buff for Jacobs' t-shirt line benefiting skin cancer research. Uh, because she'd rather go naked than protect her skin from harmful UVA rays with one of his crummy T-shirts? Oh wait...huh. [Mirror UK]
  
• Justin Timberlake: Now designing womenswear under the J. Lindeberg label. What qualifies him, you ask? Yeah, we hate obvious punchlines. [Vogue UK]

Valentino Really Can't Get A Break

• Poor Valentino! After watching various private equity firms duke it out for control of the fashion house he founded; telling the media over and over again that he is totally 100% absolutely not retiring; announcing his retirement; and then naming his successor, the guy finally manages to score the lifetime achievement award at the Fashion Rocks event in London last week... only to lose the statuette. (And then find it!) [I wonder if he prayed to St. Anthony, the patron saint of ignoring me. -Moe] [NY Post]
  
• LOLNaomi! Mlle. Campbell is to lecture to students at the Trinity College Philosophical Society in Dublin. Perhaps she will explain the finer points of resorting to physical violence to the world's oldest debate society? [Sassybella]
  
• Requisite retarded Karl Lagerfeld design du jour: a Chanel bicycle, complete with Chanel's signature quilting. [Vogue UK]

Amy Winehouse To Save The Children Who Gave Her Hair

• Amy Winehouse is reportedly making donations to a Romanian orphanage as a token of appreciation for donating the hair that makes up absurd/awesome monstrosity on her head. [Sassybella]
  
• Designer Keanan Duffy on his David Bowie-inspired line for Target: "Fashion is always out of fashion; what happens on the street is always stolen by designers who, by their very nature, are out of touch. I actually find unfashionable ideas to be more interesting." Um, yeah, you're not exactly doing a Frank Zappa-inspired collection here, so maybe get off the cocaine horse. [The Fashion Informer]
  
• "I'm supporting other women for what they do and want to do. I'm all about burning your bra." —Actress Jaime Pressly regarding her attendance at Nicky Hilton's fashion show. [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• Catherine Bailey is the next face of lingerie label Agent Provocateur. Moe doesn't know who that is, but the ads can't be as fugly as those Maggie Gyllenhaal ones. [Vogue UK]
  
• Designer Adam Lippes went on Oprah. Now he's having crazy sales. We wonder if he'll be sending her 21 pairs of Louboutins as a thank you? [WWD, sub req'd]

Tim Gunn Wants To Check Out Your Ass

• In his latest adventure as Liz Clairborne Chief Creative Officer/media love object, Tim Gunn is going on a 6-city tour sponsored by Glamour to showcase Claiborne's new denim line and help women try on jeans and find the "perfect" ones. (Denim: novel, right?) We've always believed all this talk about "perfect" denim is a lie but we'd give that all up just to have Tim Gunn pat our ass. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Marc Jacobs's show for Louis Vuitton — which he also designs; it's so hard to find talent these days! — is Sunday evening and the waiting masses have learned that there is some sort of trashy romance novel theme to the show. We smell literary product placement! [WWD, 3rd item]
  
• David Lynch has tips for wearing those Louboutins he shot so tortuously for an upcoming advertising campaign? Meditation. Because, like, if you just sit Indian style and rub your temples all day you won't notice the pain in your feet. [WWD, 3rd item]
  
• The latest round of Gap's Product (Red) campaign will include images featuring Anne Hathaway. Because nothing screams "impoverished African children" like Anne Hathaway! [MediaPost]

According To Designer Issey Miyake, Fashion Sucks. Hard.

• Designer Issey Miyake's show taking place today in Paris is inspired by vacuum cleaners. Guaranteed not to blow you away? [WWD, 5th item]
  
• TopShop is opening its first U.S. store, supposedly in time for the holiday season. [Fashionista]
  
• Giorgio Armani paid himself $346.5 million this year. We hope he enjoys it before the "I Dream of Jeannie" pants he designed this season hit the stores. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Donna Karan is taking her Urban Zen concept beyond the integration of holistic practices into Western medicine: Now she's reconciling Palestinian and Israeli children and selling Urban Zen: The Clothing. How does she do it? [WWD, sub req's]