Jezebel: Lost and Found

I Have An Abusive Boyfriend, And He's Coming Home At 8

dodai — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 15:00:00 EST

Let's just say you had an exciting, seductive, thrilling lover who mysteriously and secretively disappeared, leaving you with hundreds of unanswered questions. Eight months later, he's back. Do you give him an hour of your time? You do if he is a TV show, and if that TV show is Lost. Fans already know the deal: the ABC program is an exercise in exquisite torture, the primetime equivalent of an emotionally abusive relationship. What makes it abusive? Let us count the ways:

According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner (in this case, the show), tries to isolate you from family or friends. When you watch Lost, the world divides into two groups; those who also watch and those who don't. Even my own mother will be denied and ignored if she dares to call while I'm watching tonight. And heaven forbid if she asks, "What's the show about?"

The wellness site Third Age asks, Do you feel as if your partner keeps you dangling on a string? Does he or she seem to have all of the emotional control? Does this make your own life feel out of control? Yes, yes and yes! Lost leaves you dangling, controls emotions, makes you fall in love with foxy foxes, no-goodniks and heart-melters, muddles their backstories, confuses whether they are good or bad and then snatches them away from you just when you thought you could count on seeing them shirtless once a week.
Dr. Phil himself says a relationship might be abusive if your partner is making you afraid by using looks, gestures or actions. The black smoke is terrifying! So is Henry Gale/Ben Linus! So is the fact that people manifest things from their past — Kate's horse, Jack's dad? Another mark of the emotional abuser is if the person makes light of the abuse and doesn't take your concerns about it seriously. You think they listened when I begged, "Please don't kill Mr. Eko!"? No!
You're being abused if your partner does not want you to work. Lost wants me to spend all day cross-referencing conspiracy theories, watching secret videos that may or may not hold insight and reading Hurley's blog. I just know it.
Lastly, emotionally abusive partners are known for punishing by withholding affection. It's been eight months! As Emily Nussbaum says in New York Magazine today: "Basically, we're kind of like John Locke: Befriend us under false pretenses, steal our kidney, smash us through a window, toss us in a mass grave! You're still our daddy, and we'll follow you anywhere."

"Ms. Lauterbach is dead, and has been buried ...

Jessica — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 12:40:00 EST

"Ms. Lauterbach is dead, and has been buried here in Onslow County. The suspect in the case is the marine accused by her for assaulting her." — Direct quote from the Onslow County sheriff on CNN, concerning Maria Lauterbach, the pregnant marine who has been missing since mid-December. A key witness came forward with the information about Lauterbach, though authorities say her buried body has not yet been found.

"Missing Porn Star" Wasn't Even A Porn Star

Slut Machine — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 18:00:00 EST

It's been noted how much the media loves to pick up stories of missing women — so long as they're white. Today it was reported that the bodies of both Latasha Norman (a black woman) and Emily Sander (a white woman) were discovered yesterday, and unsurprisingly, Emily's case had received much more attention in the days following her disappearance. And while the whole race aspect definitely has played a part here, I think that the real hook to her story was the whole "porn" thing. It added a dark seediness to the case that, as Jezebel's Jessica put it, would make her case perfect for Law and Order: SVU to rip from the headlines. The idea of her "secret life as a porn star" led many to jump to the conclusion that it must've had something to do with why she'd gone missing, because even if they don't want to admit it, people still think that women who engage in that sort of activity kinda have it coming. Oh except here's the thing: Emily wasn't a porn star.

The adult site that Emily ran before her death has since been removed, but in its place, friends have posted information about the man wanted for questioning in relation to the case. (Israel Mireles — whose whereabouts are currently unknown — was the last person to be seen with Emily, and when cops searched his motel room, they found it bloody and in disarray.)

But the site also notes that Emily was never really the "porn star" the media has made her out to be. She merely modeled nude on the internet, in solo setups. Also, she only began doing it about two months ago. Would anyone ever refer to women in Playboy as "porn stars"? Probably not. And surely, her photos were a lot dirtier than the watered down men's mag, but someone who has been showing their pussy on the internet for eight weeks isn't really a star.

But still, even if she'd made gonzo films of spit roasts, or shoving baseball bats up her ass, it doesn't change the fact that at the end of the day, porno is just a job—unconventional, sure, but still, just a job. Since when is murder an occupational hazard for holding down a legal job?

Two Missing Women Found Too Late

Slut Machine — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 09:45:00 EST

There are some sad endings today for the stories of two separate missing women. 20-year-old Mississippi college student Latasha Norman — who had been missing since Nov. 13 — was found yesterday, after her ex-boyfriend led cops to her decomposing body. Her ex, Stanley Dwayne Cole, has been charged with murder. Also yesterday: the body of 18-year-old Emily Sander — the missing college student whose case gained national attention because of her "secret double life" modeling nude on the internet as Zoey Zane — was found in Kansas. The disappearance of Latasha Norman — a black woman — didn't receive nearly as much media attention as that of Sander or Stacy Peterson — both white — and Police Chief Malcolm McMillin, who's been heading up Norman's investigation thinks he knows why: "As far as the interest by the national media in the story, I think race probably had an impact."

Miss. Student's Body Found; Ex Charged [CBS News]
Police: Body Found Appears To Be Missing Porn Star [CNN]
Earlier: Missing Teenager Is Also Internet Porn Phenomenon
Related: Missing Woman Coverage A Black And White Issue? [ABC News]