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Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being

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nessalicious
12/04/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
I actually lied to my first boyfriend that I wasn't a virgin because I didn't want him to make some sort of big ridiculous deal about the fact that he would be my 'first'. Then I didn't bleed when we did it, and was exceedingly happy.

Two months later we were doing it in a friend's bedroom at a house party (oh the joys of being a teenager) and I started bleed everywhere. It was beyond awkward trying to explain why, and how this happened. And he was really annoyed I hadn't told him that I was a virgin.

Not sure what the moral of that was, if there was any....
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GoldenRatioφ (aka -girl11)
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
So I've been dying for the perfect thread to rant:

Monday in my torts class, three or four guys in my class argued that a story in the Globe claiming that a 103 year old woman was pregnant should be tortious because it "went to the woman's chastity." Therefore she could show damages because a woman's chastity is worth something, whereas if the story had been about a man, he could show no such damages. See also: story where woman sues because her nude photo ends up in Hustler instead of Playboy- also damaging to her chastity.

I am sure lots of people have horrible law school class stories, I have tons- or are the guys at my school just especially huge dbags? I swear 50% of them are libertarian. Hearing them talk about a woman's chastity SERIOUSLY made me want to vomit.
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DoctorJezebel
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
Men don't have the equivalent because they secrete something called Mullerian Inhibiting Factor which prevents all the "Mullerian" parts from being formed (uterus, cervix, upper vagina, etc.).

Some food for thought - some young women have what's known as imperforate hymen. Usually, they come in because they haven't had their period, when in fact they have, but all the blood has been stuck behind the hymen which completely covers the introitus (vaginal opening). You'll see a classic bulging appearance, and the treatment is naturally to perforate it.

What's really sad is the hymen reconstruction cases for religious reasons. On several occasions, I have covered for these people by saying that my examination caused it to rupture, etc. -- usually in these cultures comes a huge respect for doctors, so they generally believe what I say, problem solved (at least in the cases I've worked with).
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
12/03/08

@DoctorJezebel: Thanks for defining the mysterious Mullerian term. And thanks for covering for those poor girls...
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Brigit
12/03/08

@DoctorJezebel: Wow, can it get infected if you don't perforate the hymen?
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
I'd like to add, in some of the countries where the bloody sheet is put on display as proof of the brides' virginity, the women aren't always virgins. And the lengths they go to produce that bloody sheet are HORRIFYING. Like putting broken glass in your vagina horrifying. Yeah I really wish I'd never read that.
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Alys Brangwin can't stop the beat
12/03/08

@terribletwenties: I was watching The Tudors the other day and it was so horrible to hear them ask about "the bloody sheets." How awful is it that this hasn't even changed in some areas?
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autonaimee
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
I know it really shouldn't matter, but all this talk of hymens already being broken prior to intercourse is getting me down.

Though I'm waiting until marriage (that includes vaginal/oral/anal/any kind of sex) I think my hymen might already be gone.

I don't have a car so I bike ALL THE TIME and always did so as a kid, and I'm pretty careless with my tampons. In fact, using a tampon for the first time wasn't difficult/didn't hurt at all. (as opposed to my sister who never could get one in/handle the pain).

can't help feeling a little disheartened
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Flackette Goes Retro
12/03/08

@autonaimee: Don't be disheartened. It's just a piece of skin, for real, and as you can see here many if not most women lose it in childhood. It's the emotional part that counts, and you'll have that. I ended up not waiting for marriage, but I did wait a long time. In the end it really didn't matter whether or not there was a flap of skin or blood.
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bluebears
12/03/08

@autonaimee: I really don't think tampon wearing breaks hymens. like REALLY REALLY don't.
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
I had my period when I lost my virginity. It hurt but I don't know if the blood on the floor was from one or the other.
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Flackette Goes Retro
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
Um, after looking at pictures, I think I can definitely announce that if I ever had a hymen I must have lost it in childhood. Because I've never been shy about looking and poking down there, and that looks totally unfamiliar.
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Ulookinatmyjunk, JOC
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
"Reconnecting With Your Deadbeat Hymen"...next on The Maury Povich Show.

Guest: Maury, my hymen ran out on me when I was just a girl. I had a brief run-in with a Huffy bike seat and just like that, it up and left. I would like to reunite with my hymen today on your show because there's a lot I need to say.

Maury: Well, you'll get your chance. Your hymen has been watching the monitor backstage and knows why it's here. So, let's bring out your deadbeat hymen! C'mon out!

Audience: Bring it out! Bring it out!
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Flackette Goes Retro
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
I only bled a tiny bit, but what was weird was that I bled a little bit almost every single time I had sex for the first few months. And sometimes I still do. I'm not really sure if there was any great rupturing of the hymen. Nothing really felt different, so I figured I had broken it as a kid. Frankly I was having period spotting the first time I had sex anyway, so I wouldn't have really noticed. I just hate that it's such a big deal to some men to "take" your virginity, like it's a prize at the end of a video game.
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squirrelcop
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
@PhillyLass: What!? Why that two-timing sonofa-10speed!

Mine was only equipped with homemade streamers tied to the back to indicate my speed as I rode like the wiiiiiind....
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SarahMC
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
Saying that tampon use de-virginizes a girl is like saying putting a sock on his dick will de-virginize a guy.
People who won't let their daughters use tampons for that reason should not have been allowed to procreate.
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prestocaro fears the culling
12/03/08

@SarahMC: love your analogy.

I had a male acquaintance in HS who, for some reason, thought tampon insertion was pleasurable to women. That guy was a serious Butt-Hymen.
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Mama Penguino
12/03/08

@prestocaro: My brother asked me that once when we were in middle school! "Does a tampon feel good?" God!
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Peppermint
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
Sort of related -- thanks to suggestions on Jezebel mooooooonths ago, I got myself checked out and the OB-GYN told me I needed a hymenectomy for blah blah blah medicine. I'm getting it next month, but I never bothered to ask: getting the hymen surgically removed means no cherry-popping painful first time, right? Anyone have experience with this?
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bluebears
12/03/08

@Peppermint: hey i think i remember that thread. anyway i don't know but my total guess would be that it wouldn't like hurt in the sense of stinging or like a sharp pain. but it still might be a bit uncomfortable? if you know what i mean.
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The Queen of No
12/03/08

@Peppermint: It most likely will still be painful since your vagina isn't used to having a thrusting penis inside of it; it has to learn to stretch, which can be easily done with a dildo.
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copious
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
I haven't had sex, but somehow I think my hymen was gone long ago by other shenanigans. I guess I'll find out for sure whenever I start having sex.
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bluebears
12/03/08

@copious: go grab some random dude right now and then report back to us.
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The Queen of No
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
This may sound really weird, but the thought of a hymen totally gives me the heebie-jeebies. I once saw a diagram of a vagina w/an intact hymen and it made me shudder. I don't know what my issue is. Sometimes when I see brooms and mobs and well, anything with a long hard handle, it makes me shudder, too, because I imagine it penetrating me. Ha. I know, TMI. It just reminded me of that. Total stream of consciousness.
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Shamrockette
12/03/08

In reply to Virginity Is Less A Piece Of Skin, More A State Of Being
Even though I have engaged in oral sex, it still doesn't feel like I lost my state of being when it comes to being a virgin.

I still feel like I am, but granted, I still have my penetrative virginity left.

I wish I did get the chance to be penetrated (by anything other than fingers, tongue or vibrator), but as for right now, I think it's just best to work on me and focus on school before getting into this type of stuff.
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Shamrockette
12/03/08

@Shamrockette: But I do feel ready for a sexual relationship, if I'm comfortable enough with the person.
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