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la.donna.pietra
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
My grandma used to say that there were three types of happy marriages:

1) those in which one partner always conceded to the other and never, ever fought,

2) those in which both parties had a big fight every now and again, but usually worked out the small stuff cordially,

and 3) those in which they fought all the time, constantly, and loved pressing each other's buttons.

Points to Grandma, yet again.
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lucystrawberry: Tier 2 is the new black
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
This is what my grandparents are like. She still bats her eyelashes at him and flirts with him, and gets majorly jealous and suspicious of the female nurses who help him. She has been madly in love with him her entire life, since she was 4. so cute.
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lucystrawberry: Tier 2 is the new black
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
I think it is not only important to fight but to be with someone who has the same kind of fighting style as you. A person who gets really hot and heavy quickly and then is quickly over it is not going to do well with a person who doesn't lose control, thinks before they speak, and hold grudges.

My boyfriend and I are both the youngest children in our families, and we are stereotypical baby children. We get really mad really quickly, say HORRIBLE things that we don't mean, and get over it really really quickly. It works really well for us, because we get to indulge our inner desire to be nasty but also, can cuddle and giggle over it five minutes later. it's been working for five year, i hope it works for the rest of our lives!
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Elaken
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
Aww, now I feel better about the type of interaction I have with my guy. People always think we are fighting which came as a surprise to both of us. A lot of it is just in fun but even the more serious and prolonged fights/debates/arguments are truly over once they are over. Only once has it gotten it personal in a way that I thought wasn't acceptable.

I truly felt I was messed up so I am glad to see that kind of interaction can work.
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WashingMyHair
05/29/09

@Elaken: "In fun" - yes, this is how we often are!
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WashingMyHair
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
My husband and I are just like this and though others seem to think it's weird and unhealthy, I know that this is a healthy thing and believe that we're strong because of it!
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Elaken
05/29/09

@WashingMyHair: I just wrote below about getting comments from people and that making me think it wasn't healthy. I did feel like it worked for me and mine and I am glad to find other Jezzies who are the same way.
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WashingMyHair
05/29/09

@Elaken: My aunt and uncle are just like this and they've had a successful, strong marriage for over 50 years. I hope the same success for your marriage and mine.
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Strictlyforpleasure
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
I'm all for "healthy squabbles" - but every couple I've ever encountered that fights more than seems right (including my parents, who were constantly trying to rearrange the pictures on our walls to cover up whatever new holes they had just made during a recent fight) use the "everyone fights, it's healthy" excuse.

There's got to be a limit. Bickering, yes. Knock 'em down, drag 'em outs, not so much.
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LaComtesse
05/29/09

@Strictlyforpleasure: "use the "everyone fights, it's healthy" excuse."

Yes. Absolutely yes.
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NOLA girl
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
I guess the Republican and I have it right after all.
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awinoforever
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
just cheesey-mom-style forwarded this article to my fiance with the subject title "FUTURE US-ES"
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Liz11685
05/29/09

@awinoforever: I emailed it to my boyfriend. I just hope we can live as long as they do! (We didn't get married at 19, but we got together then- so it would be our 81st anniversary at 100 too!)
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SharonTaint
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
The prospect of living past the age of 75 really bums me out for some reason.
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LaComtesse
05/29/09

@SharonTaint: My Aunt Mary is 102. She's still completely with it. The best thing about that age is that you can say ANYTHING in front of ANYONE and get away with it. Here are some things she's said recently...

"My husband and I would fight and then he'd want to fool around. The man gets angry but the prick never gets angry."

"*as my uncle's dog is sniffing her* AHHH! HE LICKED MY TWAT!"

And my favorite...

"*sniffing the air as my grandma is cooking fish* Is that my pussy?"
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Triphena
05/29/09

@SharonTaint: I'd like you to meet my 88-year-old grandmother who has a more active social life than I do, goes swimming every day, travels for 6 months of the year and fought a pit bull last summer. She may change your mind.
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Witchtit: Your low productivity advisor
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
Sorry, cant be witty, too busy wipping my teary eyes. They are right too--I have been blissfully married to Mr. Witchtit for over 13 years (I got married young)--and that sort of daily, low level squabbling has really kept us interested in each other and keeps us from building resentment against the other.
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YourScreenplaySucks
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
My grandmother abandons my grandfather a couple of times a year to "visit family" (i.e. get drunk & dance on the beach in Rio) in order to give him consistent reminders that life without her would be a dark morass of confusion and boredom. He never takes her for granted.
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vivianthelibrarian
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
I just...wow. Prohibition was still in place. Women had gained the right to vote less than 10 years ago. WWII was still years away. And these two were already married. And still are. It's a blessing to live that long, let alone maintain a lasting romance. I am so much inspired by that.
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LaComtesse
05/29/09

@vivianthelibrarian: My Great-Great Aunt just turned 102 two days ago. The way I put it...

-She could reasonably remember where she was when Archduke Ferdinand was assasinated

-If Anastasia Romanov were still alive, they'd only be 6 years apart
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heykoukla
05/29/09

@vivianthelibrarian: They got married before Cosmo was first published, too. How on earth did Anita know how to keep her man without Helen Gurley Brown's advice?
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Rare Affinity
05/29/09

@vivianthelibrarian: Not in dear old Blighty it wasn't!Getting smashed out of your mind is a tradition of these Isles that goes back as least as far as the Anglo Saxons,
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heykoukla
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
I stil say she's just after his money.
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LaComtesse
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
My husband and I have NEVER had a real fight. Not that we haven't been mad at one another, but in all of those instances, the one in the wrong GETS it.

We DO however, have fake fights. They're based in nothing, they're jokes, but they're totally brutal. We call them "Family Guy moments." They usually go like this.

Me: Honey, can you pick up milk on your way home?

Him: Yes, but it's shocking you don't understand yet that it's your job to do so. Maybe if you understood more of what this marriage is about I wouldn't have to sleep with all your friends. THEY understand my needs.

Me: Well maybe it would be easier for me if you hadn't killed my soul years ago in keeping up this sham marriage.

See!? It's GREAT!
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SunburnedCounsel
05/29/09

@LaComtesse: We do this all the time. I have accused Mr. Counsel of "stealing my dreams, robbing me of my youth, and giving my herpes" more times then I can count while in the grocery store or waiting for a table at a restaurant.
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LaComtesse
05/29/09

@Atomic Monkey Mouse: Tis a marriage of minds.

@SunburnedCounsel: Oh that is fabulous. Yeah, that sounds EXACTLY like our interactions. I think it's fun--like improv.
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hkcd
05/29/09

@LaComtesse: My boyfriend and I have "fights" exactly like those.

"What? You're "busy" tomorrow? Would that be those five other girlfriends you see on the side?"

"I wouldn't need other women if you weren't such an overbearing harpy!"
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LaComtesse
05/29/09

@AnaNg: It's nice. And I can recognize when I'm being insane. I hope the streak continues...

@hkcd: The word "harpy" is incredibly useful in moments like those.
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CareerUnderachiever
05/29/09

In reply to Heartwarming Long-Marriage Alert!
Also: separate bathrooms. For realz.
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save jinger
05/29/09

@CareerUnderachiever: I have heard this makes all the difference.
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LaComtesse
05/29/09

@CareerUnderachiever: Separate SINKS were amazing in our LA apartment. We dream of them in our next, non NYC place.
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Cafezinha
05/29/09

@CareerUnderachiever: I have never had a separate bathroom from Sr. Zinha, and it's never really bothered me. I've heard from many people, though, that it's wonderful. For those of you who love it, why? I've always been told "it's just good" without further explanation.
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NellMood
05/29/09

@CareerUnderachiever: My parents always attributed separate bathrooms to their long marriage, but then they got divorced after 28 years. Still, I think I'd rather have my own bathroom.
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