More good news from England, everyone! Not only is the Duchess Kate about to have a baby, but Fatberg, a 10-ton mass of lumpy fat globules and the bloated and soiled remains of wet wipes, has been removed from a Chelsea sewer...which it had just broken.

Jamie xx, whose debut solo album In Colour is out this summer, premiered a pretty sweet video this morning via his Instagram page. The video is for "Loud Places," a single off the upcoming album featuring Romy Madley Croft, his bandmate from the xx.

A Texas man flew his girlfriend all the way to goddamn England to propose marriage at a specific train station that appears in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Only he arrived and discovered that the goddamn trains weren't running, and so he had to improvise. (His backup plan involved taking the bus.)

Dahling! Are you looking to shuck your megarich spouse while retaining as much of his/her money as possible? Then get yourself a flat in swinging London.

A pregnant woman in London deployed a total and devastating verbal smackdown on a group of anti-abortion protesters filming women going into a clinic, calling them "hypocrites" and yelling at them to help children in need instead of harassing women in distress. The pregnant lady hasn't been identified, but the video…

Let no media property escape being wrung dry for every single dollar! There's a Bend It Like Beckham musical opening in London next May.

Miley Cyrus is in London this week having one hell of a good time.

Today in horrifying news, three women were brutally attacked by a man with a hammer at a hotel in London.

LONDON, ENGLAND - DECEMBER 28: A man shouts through a mega phone to entice people into a store on Regent Street on December 28, 2013 in London, England. Shoppers across the country are re-emerging to take advantage of the post Christmas sales which had been hit by the recent bad weather, with many shoppers turning to…

A London noodle shop has introduced a service it's calling a "hangover taxi" that is everything it sounds like and more. Hurting revelers are picked up from their house and taken to work in a car with a hot bowl of noodles, orange juice, sunglasses, breath mints, and hangover meds. In other news, I am moving to…

On Thursday, William Hague, the UK's Foreign Secretary, announced that London will host a global summit next year to demand "justice and respect" for the victims of wartime rape. Oh, and by the way, Angelina Jolie will be co-chairing the event.

Lady Dinah’s Cat Emporium is one step closer to opening in east London, which means that noncommittal animal lovers and adulterous cat owners will finally have a place where they can go work on their manuscripts and sip coffee while playing with a strange kitty.

The human capacity for creating unholy, squalid monstrosities is truly stupendous. And, everyone, I am not exaggerating when I say that we have a species have finally outdone ourselves: over in London, a group of humans has unwittingly created a private vacation island for the Rat King. It's absolutely revolting. …

London mayor/burgeoning comedian Boris Johnson recently told attendees at the launch of the World Islamic Economic Forum that Malaysian women only go to college to snag husbands. Chill out, feminist shrews: it was just a joke!

I can't decide if this is the worst guy or the best guy, because even though he's pretty obnoxious and NEEDS ATTENTION!!!!11, I kinda love him. You better twerk, sir.

From the same paper that brought us Samantha Brick, meet an even bigger intentionally-controversial shitnugget. His name's Peter Lloyd, he's a London-based men's issues journalist, and he's suing his gym, the Kentish Town Sports Centre, for gender bias. Specifically, for hosting women's-only gym time for 442 hours out…