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Study Reveals Why Cats Are Lazy
New York, 2:53 PM
Fri Dec 4
72 posts in the last 24 hours
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Study Reveals Why Cats Are Lazy |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
07/07/09
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07/07/09
This is the second time in just a few weeks that cats have been dissed on this site. Cats are not lazy. Cats are brilliant puffs of fur, with minds that are used to control humans. I am a slave to my formerly homeless cat, Eleanor Roosevelt Rigby. I am at her beck and call, especially when it comes to Meow Mix and cheese, both of which Eleanor finds irresistable.
Eleanor simply has to flick an ear, and her wish is my command. Catnip? Pounce Treats? Your belly rubbed, O gorgeous creature? I will do so.
Does that sound like a LAZY creature?
I think not.
Eleanor awaits your written apology. If she does not get it, I fear that you will go on her Assasination List. The only other person on it right now is my husband.
Also remember -- Eleanor is a founding member of the National Cat Network. Wherever you go, the NCN will be watching -- aware that you have not apologized.
Eleanor also has a Facebook page.
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2am - 6am: Do laps around the house, keeping me up.
6am - 8am: Settle onto a pillow for a days sleep.
8am - 7pm: Sleep, eat, scratch the sofa, poop, sleep.
7pm - 2am: Act cute and remind me why I like cats.
07/07/09
7am - 8am: Try to cuddle, and only during this hour, which is the hour I need to get ready for work and I don't have time to cuddle.
8am - 8:01am: Be pissed off about it.
8:02am - 11pm: Sleep, Eat, Shit, Stare at Wall, Chill in Bathtub.
11pm - 6:59am: Fight each other, chase each other, annoy owner.
07/07/09
This is the worst. It's like they try to keep you up and then give you that smug look when you have to go off to work for 12 hours. Like, "see ya, bitch, I'll be here shedding all over your pillow."
07/07/09
5 a.m.: Poke human's feet/arms/head with claws until she awakens. Demand to be carried to favorite chair in living room.
5:30 - 7:30 a.m.: Sleep in favorite chair.
7:30 - 8:30 a.m.: Cry at door to be let out. Escape into condo hallway when human attempts to leave for work, run free for five blissful minutes.
8:30 a.m. - 5:30 p.m.: Sleep, eat, chew newspapers, chase golf tees around hardwood floor, survey domain from 15th-floor balcony.
5:30 - 10 p.m.: Attack floor rug, walk across laptop keyboard, shove bum in human's face, nom on human's hand and otherwise express gratitude for human's presence.
10 p.m. - 5 a.m.: Sleep, purring adorably, at human's feet. Too bad she's not awake to appreciate it.
07/07/09
5 AM: Demand to be fed. Spaghetti Cat wakes me by clawing my legs - gently, not enough to break the skin, but enough to alert me. Try to cover legs with blanket. Unsucessful. Feed cats wet foot.
7 AM: Awake. Feed cats their dry food, clean litter box, go to work.
9 PM: Get home. Cats wake from dormancy period. Demand to play. Play with cats.
11 PM: Go to bed, cats watch, preparing for their nightly olympics!
07/07/09
So it's not just my kitty who likes to hang out in the bathtub.
My cat's schedule:
1 a.m.: Try to play with alarm clock power cord. Get kicked out of bedroom.
3 a.m.: Cry at and scratch bedroom door. Get let back in.
4 a.m.: Do laps around bedroom. Get kicked out again.
6 a.m.: Cry to be let back in.
6 a.m.-8 a.m.: Snuggle with human.
8 a.m.-9 a.m.: Literally bounce off the walls.
9 a.m.-6 p.m.: Sleep, eat, stare out window, drag human's gloves and dirty socks into bathtub, dig around in potting soil.
6 p.m.-1 a.m.: Steadfastly refuse to play until the 1 a.m. power cord action.
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1 a.m.: Try to play with alarm clock power cord. Get kicked out of bedroom.
3 a.m.: Cry at and scratch bedroom door. Get let back in.
4 a.m.: Do laps around bedroom. Get kicked out again.
6 a.m.: Cry to be let back in.
THIS is why I need a Facebook group called "My cat is Satan." I really cannot stand this feline behavior. If I want something to wake me up at 3 AM, I'll have a baby. Why didn't someone tell me that cats pull this crap before I got one from the pound? Sigh. Anyone want a cat?
07/07/09
my cats schedule
3:30 am --7 am jump up and down off my bed, run down the hall, knock shit over in the kitchen, attempt to sleep on my pillow where my head is
7 am -- 5 pm sleep like the dead
5 pm -- 10:30pm act totally normal and cute
10:30 pm -- 3:30 am sleep in my bed/on my lap on the couch.
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6 am: MOMMY IT IS BREAKAST TIME
6:02 am: poop
6:03 am - 6:45: sleep
6:45 am: Z wants a snuggle, Huck glares jealously
7 am - 6 pm sleep in various places in the house, alternately bat at each other and bathe each other
6 pm: MOMMY IT IS DINNER TIME
6:02 pm: poop
6:03 pm: Huck wants a snuggle. Z could not possibly care less, wanders of to snuggle with Daddy.
6:30 pm - 6 am: sleep
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Daughter (8) says, "Mystery!"
Boss, says, "Uhhhh, why don't you go outside and mock-call for the cat and see if you still like it."
"MYSTERY!!! Yeah, I still like it. I know, I'll call him Mister Mystery."
I love the way his little non-tail moves around. So cute.
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And weird. I wonder why that is.
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My boyfriend is horrifically allergic to cats. My "cat people" parents think this is tragic and actually ask me how I will live my adult life without a cat. For some reason, I think I'll manage just fine.
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