• Conan O'Brien landed in the hospital yesterday due to an injury sustained during a Tonight Show stunt. A source says O'Brien was "running down a flight of stairs when he slipped and banged his head, possibly sustaining a concussion." [E!]

• Though the network has not yet released any details about Conan's condition or if he's been released from the hospital, they did release a statement allegedly made by O'Brien himself: ""Last thing I remember I was enjoying the play with Mrs. Lincoln and the next thing I knew I was in bed being served cookies and juice." [NYTimes]
• Conan was also cracking jokes during his ambulance ride to the hospital. Is it wrong that I hope he made a Nomi Malone/Showgirls reference regarding Jay Leno and the flight of stairs? [TMZ]
• The rumors about Lindsay Lohan trashing a hotel room during a fight with Samantha Ronson are apparently untrue, as Lohan was in Texas, not New York, when the fight supposedly broke out. [PageSix]
• Meanwhile, producers of Celebrity Big Brother UK are trying to line up Lohan for the last season of the show. [TheSun]
• Seth Rogen's dream came true when he was asked to co-write and lend his voice to the first episode of the upcoming season of The Simpsons, where he'll spoof his own Green Hornet experience by playing a trainer assigned to whip Homer into shape for a big budget action film. "As a writer, it always just seemed like the Holy Grail," Rogen says, "I can die a happy man now." [AP]
• Randy Quaid and his wife allegedly have their hotel bill-hopping scheme "down to a science," according to a Santa Barbara County Sheriff, who notes that the couple have pulled similar stunts before. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus will reportedly be movin her hips like yeah in the Sex and the City sequel: "Miley sees this as a transition from teen stardom to more adult roles," says a source, "We're all wondering how long it will take Kim to have Miley knocking back Cosmos and ogling all the men. Seriously though, all the girls are excited to have Miley on board." I think it will take 5 years, source! Because she's only 16 years old like yeah, so it's a straight edge party on the set in the USA while the cameras are rolling, know what I'm sayin? [ShowbizSpy]
• Afeni Shakur has donated over 150 pieces of her son, Tupac's work to the Robert W. Woodruff Library at the Atlanta University Center. The collection includes handwritten notes, lyrics, and poetry. [AP]
• Mary-Louise Parker is dating musician Charlie Mars. He's 10 years younger than she is, so get ready for 6-8 months of stupid cougar references. [People]
• Ashton Kutcher's The Beautiful Life, starring Mischa Barton, has been canceled by the CW after only 2 episodes. Sadly, no one has canceled the similarly-titled Ace of Base song from my brain since I read this item earlier this morning. [THR]
• Catherine Zeta-Jones and husband Michael Douglas shared a birthday yesterday; she turned 40 and he turned 65. "'When you live in Los Angeles you can't go anywhere without being critiqued - on the fact that you have gained weight or that you have got spots on your face. That's not the life I want," Jones says, "Deciding to live in beautiful Bermuda was the healthiest thing Michael and I ever did. Now that I have kids, that's what my life is about." [DailyMail]
• "I've been afraid of the dark my whole life. If I go into my house at night and the lights have been turned off... I have to run from the door to the light switch to turn it on... I'm just afraid of what I can't see. I watch a lot of paranormal shows, like Ghost Hunters... and they freak me out." -Megan Fox [DailyExpress]
• Brett Ratner had to convince producers to allow an autobiographical sex scene in his short for New York, I Love You, wherein a character loses his virginity to "a paraplegic dangling from a tree." Ratner, who apparently lost his own virginity this way, says "When I sent the original script, which is autobiographical, the producers would not let me film it because, in the original ending, she (the girl) is a cripple, and they have sex as she's hanging from a tree in Central Park. Everyone was freaking out over my short, so I changed it to where she wasn't a cripple, but an actress pretending to be a cripple." [DailyExpress]
• Jay-Z says that he's thankful his mother, Gloria, set up a meeting between him and his estranged father, whose absence caused a great deal of "resentment and anger" in his life, as it allowed him to better understand his father's choices. [ShowbizSpy]
• Michael Jackson admitted in an interview to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach that he was terrified of growing old and that he felt Madonna was jealous of him: "'I think she was in love with me and I was not in love with her." [DailyMail]
• Boteach also says that Jackson had "lost the will to live" and was embarrassed about his appearance, noting that he felt he looked like a "lizard." [Reuters]
• "I just hit 40, so what more can I say? I mean, the fact that I'm 40 is a miracle. I'm on the other side now."- Christian Slater [ShowbizSpy]
• J.K. Rowling has opened a Twitter account. Rita Skeeter has already sent her 82930283 direct messages, asking for scoops. [EW]
• And now for my favorite news ever: Snoop Dogg is a big fan of the 90s British sitcom Keeping Up Appearances: ""They still run the show on BBC America so I think Mrs Bucket must have some sort of cult following in the US. I still watch the show to this day and it makes me laugh so hard. She has to be one of the funniest people on TV." [TheSun]

• Sarah Jessica Parker talked to Access Hollywood about her new twin girls. She's mad about how the media is hounding her surrogate, and explains that she turned to surrogacy many disappointments trying to conceive.

• "Yeah, I mean I couldn't pretend otherwise," she said. "It would be a complicated – it would be odd to have made this choice if I was able to, you know, have successful pregnancies since my son's birth." She added, "I'm in disbelief. I'm really grateful. I feel really fortunate. My son is so excited, my husband is so excited." [Access Hollywood]
• Jennifer Aniston has been given time off from filming The Baster and promoting Management because she's suffering from exhaustion. "Her life is hectic anyway with her producing responsibilities and the pressure of being in the public eye all the time," says a friend. "It all just caught up with her in the last few days so she's been told to take a break. She's exhausted." [The Sun]
• Quentin Tarantino did a Pulp Fiction-like dance on the red carpet at the premiere of Inglorious Basterds with French actress Melanie Laurent. [Yahoo via AFP]
• Brad Pitt says he doesn't remember why he agreed to do Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds. Pitty says: "Quentin came to visit some time at the end of the summer, we talked about backstory, we talked about movies - I get up the next morning and see five empty bottles of wine right on the floor, five, and something that resembles a smoking apparatus - I don't know what that was about - and apparently I had agreed to do this film." [Mirror]
• Despite rumors that their relationship is on the rocks, there are pictures here snapped at a restaurant in Cannes of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie kissing. [The L.A. Times]
• In this Huffington Post editorial, Alec Baldwin apologizes to the people of the Philippines about his "mail-order bride" joke. He writes, "Such anger and frustration about the issue of sex trafficking is understandable. The Philippines has suffered significant problems with the issue of sex trafficking and I would like to turn your attention to the work of an organization called Love146 that my brother Stephen educated me about." Also contrary to popular belief, he doesn't want U.S. autoworkers to lose their jobs. [The Huffington Post]
• Amy Winehouse was hospitalized for the third time in three months yesterday, but she was released a few hours later. She was supposed to perform in London at the end of the month, but a source says, "Amy's gig might as well be canceled now. She's not going to make it. It's not worth her while even if she does make it, it will be a shambles." [Perez Hilton]
• Terri Seymour, Simon Cowell's ex, was assaulted after attending the American Idol finale last night. A woman walked up to Terri, asked if she was Simon's girlfriend, then attacked her and tried to choke her. The suspect, Janice Thibodeaux, was arrested for felony battery and is being held on bail. [TMZ]
• In an interview from prison, Janice Thibodeaux said the attack was retaliation from Simon Cowell choking Paula Abdul on American Idol the other night. "I wasn't cool with Simon Cowell choking Paula Abdul on the show last week and with her crying-out ‘help' as he did so," Thibodeaux said. "Nobody said anything about that so I wanted to confront him about it because that is not appropriate behavior, is it?" [Radar]
• Kate Gosselin is now blogging. She wrote about her recent trip to Party City to buy stuff for the kids' birthday, saying, "Jon was unexpectedly away. We mistakenly got our wires crossed and I ended up having no help from our babysitter, so I decided I'd brave this adventure by myself!!!" [Just Jared]
• In a new interview Jason Hummel, who has accused his sister Deanna Hummel of having an affair with Jon Gosselin says, "Personally, I do think they're going to continue seeing each other. I think they think they can get away with it." [E!]
• After Mary Carey made a porn parody of Celebrity Rehab, saying she liked, "Dr. Screw more than Dr. Drew," Dr. Drew Pinsky Tweeted: "Mary's choice to mock ... makes me sad." Carey told TMZ, she "loves Dr. Drew and wasn't trying to make fun of him or mock him." Dr. Drew Tweeted back to Carey: "Not mad just sad that you are getting sucked back in, please give [your AA sponsor] a call. I know it must be difficult." [TMZ]
• There are rumors that Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are engaged because she was photographed wearing what looked like an engagement ring. Her rep said: "I am aware of the images. However, I am not in a position to comment." [People]
• Ann Kelly, the New Jersey woman accused of having an affair with Bruce Springsteen, has filed divorce papers against her husband saying that he was abusive, cheated on her, and made up the Springsteen rumor because, "he and his attorney felt there could be 'big money' in this ... because, true or not, the celebrity would want this to 'go away.'" [People]
• Here's the album art for Britney Spears' new single "Radar." [BritneySpears.com]
• Yesterday, CBS cancelled Medium. Today they saved it. Also renewed for next season are The Ghost Whisperer, The Mentalist, The Unit, Without A Trace, Eleventh Hour. [E!]
• Yesterday John Mayer Tweeted: "I love how some dudes hate me for dating their fantasy girl, as if they were going to if I hadn't." [Pop Sugar]
• Lindsay Lohan started her day yesterday with a business meeting and in the wee hours of the morning today she showed up at Samantha Ronson's house. [Socialite Life]
• Here are some pictures from the new CW show The Beautiful Life. It's about a house full of models so Corbin Bleu, Mischa Barton, and company are all giving their best Blue Steel. [Just Jared]
• Here are the cast photos from the new Melrose Place. It is not about a house full of models, so Ashlee Simpson and company really have no reason to look so sullen. [Just Jared]
• Cher is in talks with producers to star with Christina Aguilera in the movie Burlesque. [E!]
• Wayne Allwine, the actor who voiced Mickey Mouse for more than 30 years, has died. [USA Today]
• The start of Michael Jackson's London comeback concerts have been pushed back from July 8 to July 13. [USA Today]
• Michael Vick has left a Kansas federal prison. He will serve the last two months of his 23-month sentence in home confinement in Virginia. [CNN]
• Rafiq Qureshi, father of Slumdog Millionaire star Rubina Ali, says that his home was destroyed in the slum demolition drive, but authorities say his home was not one of those that were razed. [CNN]
• Ghostbusters III may start shooting this fall, and there are many more rumors at the link. [Ain't It Cool News]
• Peter Andre spent the last week with his family in Cyprus, but he has returned to England to deal with his divorce from Katie Price. [The Sun]
• Peter Andre got a nasty surprise when he came home. Katie Price told housekeepers to pack up all of his belongings and put them in storage. [The Daily Mail]
• Nas has asked a judge to deny his estranged wife Kelis' request for support payments. He says she can pay her own way now, even though she's weeks from giving birth. [TMZ]
• Here's video of Carrie Prejean practicing for her Fox News debut by serving as anchor on a local San Diego TV station. [TMZ]
• Justin Long says he's a pretty good boyfriend, but "I have a time-management problem that's not very appealing for girls," he says. "I'm not very good with that – I'd say that's definitely a flaw that I'm trying to work on." He added that his biggest flaw is, "I'm too good a lover." [People]
• America's Got Talent judge Piers Morgan had Stevie Wonder record a wedding proposal for Morgan's girlfriend. He says, "I met [Wonder] in L.A. and I got him to record a marriage proposal to my girlfriend Celia on video, so it's ready to unleash should I need it. He's her favourite singer, so this is a powerful tool to have up my sleeve, but I have to choose the right moment." [The Daily Express]
• "The most A-list celebrity? I'd love to see Hugh Jackman! Wouldn't he be handsome up there doing the fox-trot?" - So You Think You Can Dance? judge Mary Murphy, on who she'd love to see on the show. Jackman does love to dance, but somehow it seems unlikely. [E!]
• The secluded home on an island in the Baltic Sea where Ingmar Bergman spent his final days is up for sale. [Yahoo]
• Ashley Olsen will be on the cover of Hamptons magazine. [Fashionista]
• Beyonce says that in addition to purposely buying clothing that is too small, she inspires herself to lose weight by looking at a painting in her gym of an Oscar statue. "I look at it, and I'm like, OK, I have to stay in shape," she says. However, she added that she felt she was too thin in Dreamgirls. I felt very chic, like a model," she says. "But it didn't look natural for me. I didn't feel very sexy or feminine, and I didn't have much confidence because I didn't feel like myself." [Yahoo]
• Soulja Boy Tweets: "Technology is so advanced from like 10 years back. I'm in the club last night chick sittin directly across me talking to me on Twitter LOL." [E!]
• When America didn't vote to make Gilles Marini the winner of Dancing With the Stars they made his son cry. "My son looked at me and started crying because he wanted me to get that trophy," Gilles said. "He was just crying and crying and crying. I feel so badly because I want to be with him but now I am flying to New York. I feel like a bad daddy because I can't see him and hold him." Are you happy now? [E!]

• Shanna Moakler, Co-Executive Director of the Miss California Organization, has confirmed that the pageant paid for Miss California Carrie Prejean's breast implants.

Moakler also says Miss California is not speaking to her right now. But she doesn't want Miss California stripped of her crown: "I don't want to fire her! I think she's a great, young girl, and I got into pageants, because I want to help young girls. I want to guide young girls. I know what pageants [did] for me and I know what it can do for young women and also working within the community." Uh-huh. Sure. Moakler also says: "I don't want to fire Carrie. I want her to use her platform, because this is her platform, I didn't know she was this passionate about it… I'm glad I know now and I support and will help her, but…" [Access Hollywood]

• Sarah Jessica Parker is talking about the twins she is expecting (through a surrogate): "It's been a complicated past few weeks… My main concern is that my husband and son [James Wilkie, now 6 years old] have enough time. Hopefully, our son is feeling loved and taken care of." [Gatecrasher]
• Don't speak! No Doubt reunites tomorrow for its first live performance in five years… on the Today show. So rock and roll. [NY Daily News]
• Chief Justice Lovemore Munlo of Malawi will lead a panel in Madonna's appeal case; Madge wants to overturn the court's decision to reject her application to adopt 3-year-old Mercy. Her Madgesty is not required to attend the hearing on May 4. Think she'll make an appearance? [People]
• The Daily Fail spoke to Mercy's biological father, who has never MET Mercy, but says: "She is my daughter; she is my blood; she needs parental love. She is not an orphan. She lost one parent, yes, but I am still alive and so she is not an orphan. Madonna has millions of dollars but that doesn't make her a good mum. Parental love is more than money. Besides, I don't think Madonna is a model mum. I have seen her in movies of her songs. She doesn't portray good morals. How can a woman of 50 dance almost naked on stage? I wouldn't want my daughter to grow up like that! In Malawi women respect themselves. Cultured women do not go about half-naked." It goes on, but you get the point. [Daily Mail, NY Post]
• Meanwhile, Madonna is looking for a place in the Hamptons, but the peeps in the Hamptons seem to think she may be a pain in the ass. [Page Six]
• So remember the report that claimed Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's bodyguard was writing a tell-all book? He says: "No, no, no. I'm not writing a tell-all book. I don't know where this story came from. It's not true." Dammit! [MSNBC via Life & Style]
• Rihanna's father sounds absolutely overjoyed when he says: "[Rihanna is] a different person, back to herself. It's like Chris never existed. She seems reborn. She's realizing how precious life is." [MSNBC]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, wants to sue sources from In Touch magazine who claim she was a stripper. "I've never even met a stripper in my life," she says. [MSNBC]
• Bottoms up: Justin Timberlake's new tequila, 901, is "actually a really nice product," says a "tequila geek" and bar owner. "It has a nice richness to it, a full-body mouth feel, a nice finish." That's what she said? [NY Daily News]
• In this article, entertainment professionals and insiders list nine things Lindsay Lohan should do to save her career. Examples: do some charity work, develop self-discipline, focus. [NY Daily News]
• Uh-oh: Paula Abdul was "totally fooled" by Bruno, the character Sacha Baron Cohen plays in his upcoming flick. [Page Six]
• Spotted: Ryan Gosling having dinner with a "mystery model." [Page Six]
• Heidi Klum says Susan Boyle could be a good Project Runway guest. "She could be a good challenge." Is that a compliment? [E!]
• Early reviews for Wolverine are not good; critics call it "noisy and impersonal" and "silly and typical" and "a keen disappointment." However. Everyone will see it anyway and it will surely win the box office and be a "hit." [Reuters]
• Hugh Hefner says he does not want Holly Madison to be his girlfriend again. "The notion that I would want her back as a girlfriend is bizarre. I am now in one of the best relationships in memory with Crystal Harris and the twins. I'm not going to screw it up with former girlfriends." [E!]
• Prison Break star Lane Garrison went from prison to Jessica Simpson's house. He says "I'm blessed to be alive." Garrison was incarcerated for 19 months for a DUI crash that killed one person; Jessica's father Joe was his youth minister in Texas, so he's close to the fam. [E!]
• Top Gun star Kelly McGillis has come out: She is a lesbian. She says her next partner would "definitely be a woman." And: "I'm done with the man thing. It's a part of being true to yourself. That's been a challenge for me personally." [This Is London]
• Usher is allowing the Boys and Girls Club of America to use a childhood photo of him in their ad campaign. He looks cute! [USA Today]
• Simon Cowell's first gig in showbiz was to polish the axe Jack Nicholson used in The Shining. Apropos? [The Sun]
• Unauthorized Diana Ross biography: In the works. Guess what? She's being painted as "ambitious." THE SCANDAL. [Variety]
• Do we like this picture of Chelsea Handler with a man between her legs? [E!]
• Tony Blair, Kate Winslet and other celebs have contributed to a book of butterfly pictures compiled in memory of a young woman who died from leukemia. [Telegraph]
• "Jailed Jack Tweed [widow of Jade Goody] turned tail and ran from the showers in prison - after THREE encounters with naked gay star Boy George." [The Sun]
• Redmond O'Neal — son of Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal — pleaded not guilty yesterday to the felony charge that he brought drugs to jail. [ET]
• A settlement has been reached in the defamation lawsuit filed against Dr. Phil by a witness in O.J. Simpson's robbery case. [AP]
• Blind item: "Which starlet's constant state of inebriation is causing problems in her marriage? Her hubby hates having to physically remove her from nightclubs." [Gatecrasher]
• "CSI will beat the hell out of him." — CEO of Viacom and CBS, Sumner Redstone, on Jay Leno having a show on at 10pm. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• "I don't think it's irrelevant because I am sure there are still people out there who are living it up… I think the show is taken for what it is — it's a piece of entertainment and that's the value and that's the worth." — Ed Westwick, on Gossip Girl. [Mirror]
• "The worst thing about Ricky as a director is that if something is funny at all and it was improvisational, he breaks and laughs and ruins your take. I would say, 'It's your movie. Just leave, go in another room. Let me just do it.' He's like, 'Just do it again.' I said, 'Ricky, it's not the same. You suck.' But he knew exactly what he wanted." — Jennifer Garner on working with Ricky Gervais in The Invention Of Lying. [The Star]
• "It's got to be the right story. You can't make The Dark Knight and then come out with something disappointing. The fact is I have to. Chris doesn't. So I'm in a fix if he says he doesn't want to." — Christian Bale, concerned that director Chris Nolan has yet to sign on for another Batman flick. (Bale is contractually obligated to star in a third movie.) [Daily Express]
• Q:You're featured on the gossip website Gawker all the time. Do websites like that annoy you? A: "No, I'm not somebody who reads about what I'm actually up to that week - which usually they get wrong. Maybe you can pass the word on to anybody who reads these sites or who sees their kids on them that most of the time these people are making stuff up. If people want to really know what's up with me then they can read one of my interviews." — Chuck Bass, ahem, Ed Westwick. [Guardian]
• "I've had my garbage stolen… I think tabloid journalism has become so pervasive is that it gives people the chance to feel better about themselves in a slightly sick way. A lot of it is 'Stars are just like us! They have cellulite and bad eating habits and drug problems!' There are a lot of celebrities that are more than happy to share every last detail about their lives until there's no mystery left whatsoever." — Ryan Reynolds. [USA Today]
• "I'm doing my part to save the planet. You know that new Aston Martin Vantage? I didn't buy it. You're welcome, Earth!" — Jon Hamm. [Gatecrasher]
• "It has truly never been my intention to be a performer, and I think it's probably best that I stop performing pretty soon and start writing. [Acting] is like a big red herring. I kind of want to stop it, really." — Tilda Swinton would rather be a poet. [The Daily Beast]
• "We look around. We see what we want. Don't you look around and see what you want to look like? I'm, like, look, Michelle Obama's guns. I could have those arms. I don't know about the legs." — Kirstie Alley, to Oprah. [People]

• Madonna is "begging" Gwyneth Paltrow to move back to New York so they can hang out and do yoga or whatever. Gwynnie lives in London with hubby Chris Martin, son Moses and daughter Apple. Will her Madgesty get what she wants? [The Sun]
• We reported this before and it may actually happen: Madonna is orchestrating a Britney-Justin reunion! Brit and JT will be on stage with Madge tonight when her Sticky & Sweet tour stops at Dodger Stadium. People are going to freak the fuck out. [Yahoo News]
• Brad Pitt and Oprah were both at the Obama victory rally in Grant Park, Chicago, but they missed one another "I was looking for you and would have invited you down to sit with the rest of us," Oprah told Brad. "You mean the non-VIP area?" Brad joked. He assured her that he took public transportation to be at the rally "just like everyone else." [Star]

• Beyoncé is giddy about Obama's win: "Whatever they want - if they need me to volunteer, they need me to sing, I'm there, and I'm ready. I'm just beyond excited." She was supposed to be in Japan on election night but postponed her trip: "I said, 'What am I doing? I'm completely making a bad decision. I have to go home, I'm gonna kill myself if I'm not home in America.'" Plus, she wept while watching the results come in: "I fell asleep crying and smiling at the same time. I woke up with mascara running and a smile on my face!" [AP]
• Mariah Carey heard that Michelle Obama played Mariah's song Hero for Barack before the election results were announced; she is "honored." [Mirror]
• Now that the Obamas are headed to the White House, Leslie Gray Streeter has written an open letter to Lorne Michaels of Saturday Night Live, saying: "you have to hire a black woman as a permanent cast member. Like, yesterday." [Palm Beach Post]
• Diddy partied with Q-Tip and Mark Ronson on election night. [Vanity Fair]
• There's video of Martha Stewart being ambushed on the street by Fox5 reporter Arnold Diaz, since a Martha-branded glass patio table from Kmart tends to "explode and shatter" and has been found "defective and dangerous." Martha says, "Oh that's old news," and blames the Chinese manufacturers Kmart uses. She claims she hasn't heard of any reported injuries, but the Diaz totally interviews a little girl who got cut! [CityFile]
• Kim Cattrall was asked if there will be a Sex And The City sequel, and She replied, "Yes, there will." Pardon me whilst I groan. [The Sun]
• Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson: Splitsville. He may have been controlling and emotionally abusive. [Star Magazine]
• Blake Fielder-Civil is no longer Blake Incarcerated! He was released yesterday and said: "I’m gonna see my wife and take her knickers down." But! Blake had to go directly to a rehab clinic, so Amy can't see him for seven days. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Here's video of Amy being harassed by photographers and fighting back, which this paper calls a "rampage." [The Sun]
• A beacon of Hope for Amy Winehouse: "Quincy Jones has taken her under his wing and put her back on the wagon. The two are collaborating on one or two projects and if anyone can save a talent like Amy, then it is Q." [Daily Express]
• Robin Williams is dating a 27-year-old painter named Charlotte Filbert, who happens to be staying with Ally Hilfiger. Small world. [Page Six]
• Padma Lakshmi is on the prowl, and she seems to want a billionaire. [Page Six]
• Who is Minnie Driver's baby daddy? Could he be a TV writer? [Page Six]
• Ashton Kutcher was seen partying with Wilmer Valderrama in West Hollywood. The '70s are back! [Yahoo News]
• Julianne Hough had surgery for endometriosis five days ago, and says she's "feeling phenomenal. I am still walking slow but I’m feeling good." [People]
• Samuel L. Jackson says it's strange to promote his new film, Soul Men, without Bernie Mac. "It's even weirder that he never saw the movie." [USA Today]
• Susan Lucci is out on Dancing With The Stars. [AP]
• What the hell is a "bacon buttie" or a "bacon sarnie"? And why does Daniel Craig love them so?! [Mirror]
• So you know how Harry Potter and Hermione Granger never hooked up? J.K. Rowling says it "could have gone that way" because Hermione "shared something very instense with Harry" but they're not meant to be together. Harry's true soulmate is Ginny, obvs. [Perez Hilton]
• For her fragrance campaign, Paris Hilton says, "I didn't have to lose weight, but I just wanted to look really good. I started doing Pliates." [Daily Express]
• Nick Hogan hasn't visited his friend, John Graziano, who's been in a coma since Nick's August 2007 car crash, because John's family won't let him into the hospital. [TMZ]
• Mos Def allegedly attacked a photographer in Vegas, back in August, and now a warrant has been issued for his arrest. [TMZ]
• Jamie Pressly and her fiancé "still love each other" but are no longer a couple. They're the parents of an 18-month-old son. [UPI, E!]
• Bruce Springsteen auctioned off a Harley, a guitar and a leather jacket for Stand Up For Heroes, a charity that raises money for injured troops returning from the Iraq war. [Fox 411]
• Lisa Rinna on getting cosmetic procedures: "You have to be careful. I'm a perfect example of that!" [ET]
• Michael J. Fox will appear in four episodes of Rescue Me early next year, and he'll play a paralyzed man in a wheelchair. "The funny part is me playing a paralyzed guy because I am the opposite of paralyzed. It's tricky just to even be still," he says. [Reuters]
• ABC has pulled the plug on Aylssa Milano's sitcom, Single With Parents. The show was to be a midseason replacement; creative differences tore it apart. Related: Who's the boss? [Yahoo News]
• Danny Bonaduce's divorce is final and he has to pay his ex-wife $16,000 a month. Dude's not giving up on marriage, though: He's shopping a TV show called The Next Mrs. Bonaduce. [AP]
• Rare film footage of the Beatles in Kansas City sold for $6,600 at an auction on Tuesday. It's a silent film, btw. [Reuters]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Carnie Wilson is pregnant. [People]
• Emily Deschanel has written a "10 Things You Don't Know About Women" column for Esquire. Number 6: "When a guy sends us a text, we analyze everything, down to the punctuation. 'Did he really use an umlaut? He must be smart!'" [Esquire]
• Even though he can't vote, Daniel Radcliffe went to the polls on election day, just to see what it was like. [Daily Express]
• An episode of Hannah Montana, in which a teen gets diagnosed with diabetes, won't air as planned. They're trying to consult with medical experts now and ensure the story is told properly. Something was done out of order, no? [UPI]
• Here's a picture of Pete Wentz, as a baby, being held by Joe Biden! [Perez Hilton]
• Do not click this NSFW link unless you want to see the guys from Jackass naked. Penises, people. You've been warned. [Perez Hilton]
• Jodie Foster on the woman she dumped after 14 years: "She's fine. She'll be very well taken care of." [E!]
• Great Scot! James McAvoy will be honored by his former drama school; he'll receive a Fellowship from the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama (RSAMD) in Glasgow next month. [The Star]
• Country star Merle Haggard has a malignant tumor on his lung; he went to surgery on Mondayy and should be recovering as we speak. [Perez Hilton]
• Patrick Dempsey addressed the firing of Dr. Hahn on The Ellen DeGeneres Show yesterday by pulling a note "from ABC" from his pocket and reading: "'We've had a great time working with her and that the conclusion of her [role] has been orgasmic'—I'm sorry, I'm dyslexic—'organic ending to the storyline.'" [E!]
• Patrick Dempsey also says: "Thursday night is her last show, which is too bad, she has been a great character, and I don't know what happened with that story line. They decided not to continue it for some reason." [ET, People]
• Antonia Kidman, aka Nicole's sister, had an advice column in New Idea magazine, but she's left because it's "not going in the direction that she wants to be going." [News.com.au]
• "I live in a mobile home and I love it! It's small but chic and perfect for me and the kids [Brandon, 12 and Dylan, 10] It's fun having to sit on beanbags and do our washing at the laundrette." — Pamela Anderson. [The Sun]
• "After Barack Obama's victory I think we might have reached the moment for a coloured 007. I think the role could easily be played by a black actor, because the character created by Ian Fleming in the Fifties has undergone a great deal of evolution and continues to be updated." — Daniel Craig. [Telegraph]
• "I am far from being an expert. I’m not that musical. I don’t really know how a record is produced, and, funnily enough, I don’t want to. I listen from a punter’s perspective, as somebody who would buy a track. I base it on gut instinct. Sometimes I’m right, sometimes I’m wrong. Many times I disagree with producers and artists, and we listen to each other. It’s not about proving a point or being a loudmouth, I just want the record to be as good as it can be." — Simon Cowell. [Telegraph]
• "I'm so excited [about turning 16]. I always ask my mom, 'Can I drive your car in the parking lot?' And she’s like, 'No.' I want a BMW truck!" — Ali Lohan. [MSNBC]
• "Here's the best secret weapon I can give you: Hold off on having sex. Give him a little taste, but not too much… Keep him drooling. [When intimacy finally happens], get crazy! Fuck like a porno star!" — Tila Tequila. [Page Six]

• Is Ashley Olsen getting married? The National Enquirer thinks so. It'll happen on the French Riviera next summer; she wants Karl Lagerfeld to make the dress and Annie Leibovitz to take the pix. Oh, the hubs-to-be is boyfriend Justin Bartha. [Daily Express]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the NYC marathon! His time? 3 hours and 50 minutes, faster than he anticipated. "It was an incredible experience," he says. He was asked how he'd celebrate and claimed: "I'll probably celebrate by eating my own body weight in raw dough." [People]
• Heh, things were "frosty" between Tina Fey and John McCain on Saturday Night Live. [MSNBC]
• A "crazed" Madonna fan stormed on to the set of Guy Ritchie's new movie and threatened to kill him. The teenager had a knife and was shouting, "I love Madonna." He was arrested, though if he were cast in Guy Ritchie's movie, that would be believable. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's kids went trick-or-treating in Malibu on Friday. Maddox was a Marine; Zahara was a Jolly Green Giant; Shiloh was a sheriff. Need pix!!! [Star Magazine]

• Ooh, check out Angelina's eyes on the cover of British Harper's Bazaar. [ONTD]
• The head of rap label Def Jam died Saturday: Shakir Stewart, who succeeded Jay-Z as VP in June, committed suicide. [Reuters]
• Daniel Craig talks about his arm: "I tore my shoulder when we were making Casino Royale and it started to ache during Quantum Of Solace. I went to see a surgeon and had reconstructive surgery - I had six pins put in. So now I can't really move my arm and it's a little painful, but I'm having physio every day, and it's healing well." [Daily Mail]
• Lindsay Lohan will have her deposition videotaped in Samantha Ronson's ongoing lawsuit against her former attorney. She has a lot of conditions, though, and wants the transcripts to be destroyed when the case is over. [E!]
• Lindsay was supposed to host the World Music Awards in Monaco next weekend, but she's been replaced by, um, Denise Richards. Downgrade! [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell and girlfriend Terri Seymour: Dunzo. She ended it after 6 years. Want to guess who doesn't believe in marriage? [Newser.com]
• After Terri broke up with him, Simon allegedly said "Thank God! " [Daily Mail]
• Terri wanted kids, Simon did not. [Mirror]
• Simon also says: "You know, the most incredible thing I’ve seen on TV for absolutely ages was the Sarah Palin/Joe Biden debate. I watched it for an hour and there wasn’t one second I wasn’t completely riveted. I would love to bring the concept of the American presidential debate to Britain. I know I could engage the audience, get people involved." [Daily Mail]
• Peaches Geldof walked out of a London store with an item of clothing draped over her arm and didn't pay for it. A shopkeeper ran out and confronted Peaches, who said it was an accident. Apparently this is the fourth time she's walked out of a store without paying for clothes, although it seems like she always has a good excuse. [Mirror]
• Joaquin Phoenix, who is retiring from acting, might be back on drugs: He was "out of it" at a tribute to Paul Newman last week in San Francisco. Grief-stricken, maybe? [Page Six]
• Peaches' husband's band has a new single, "She Loves Everybody," about a controlling, insecure girl who craves affection. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse has gained weight and is trying to stop smoking. She's still hooked on sugar, however. [Mirror]
• Oh, wait, Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital. It seems to be related to the chest infection she had last week. Or her emphysema. [People]
• A New Zealand TV journalist is being investigated and might lose her job after a "trainwreck" interview with Pink; it seems the woman's sister used to be Pink's assistant and the reporter ambushed the pop star with questions about why she'd fired her sister. [News.com.au]
• More weird New Zealand news: A pizza chain used a Halloween ad which featured skeletal animations of the Queen Mother, Sir Edmund Hillary and Heath Ledger dancing on gravestones. The company has apologized. [Times of London]
• In case you couldn't already guess, Tyra is endorsing Barack Obama. [Yahoo News]
• Usher is taking a year off from music to travel the world and find "inspiration." Good luck! [Mirror]
• Jessica Simpson's BFF, stylist Ken Paves, had his face bloodied during a paparazzi crush outside of an L.A. restaurant. There were so many cameras swarming that some guy accidentally hit Ken near his eye with a camera. Jess and Ken made it to the car, and went directly to the hospital. [TMZ]
• Bruno, aka Sacha Baron Cohen, crashed a rally banning gay marriage in California. [Yahoo New]
• There was a memorial for Jennifer Hudson's family members, including nephew Julian King, on Sunday. His second-grade teacher read from journals written by his classmates. [AP]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown is renewing her vows in Egypt, but Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham doesn't plan to attend. Snubby spice? [The Sun]
• It appears to be really and truly on between Criss Angel and Holly Madison. If you have a strong stomach, gaze upon this image of them kissing. [TMZ]
• Mindy McCready is out of jail. [E!]
• Here's a video in which Senator John McCain meets Anna Nicole Smith, one of her "biggest fans." [Politico]
• Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio have Oscar buzz for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Revolutionary Road, but Oscar voters tend to like it when actors play real people. [Reuters]
• Nigella Lawson once made her kids give their Christmas gifts to charity. "I wanted them to think about how lucky they are," she explains. Hmm, could work, could make them harbor resentment. [The Sun]
• Bon Jovi's being sued for £250,000 after one of the rock group's entourage allegedly deliberately ran over a woman with a golf cart at a concert. [Telegraph]
• Viggo Mortensen is in a film adaptation of a play about about an ordinary man in 1930s Germany being slowly co-opted by the Nazis. He says the story has relevance today; "You don't need to be some kind of bookworm or political activist; little and big decisions that individuals make in society on a daily basis are what any country is." [LA Times]
• LL Cool J has been inducted into the Long Island, NY Music Hall Of Fame. Didn't know there was such a thing, but, congrats? [UPI]
• Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones have made a very important election-related video you simply must watch. [Funny Or Die]
• Is Sienna Miller's relationship with Balthazar Getty fizzling out? [Mirror, Daily Mail]
• In an op-ed about paparazzi and papers vs. celebrities — especially Sienna Miller, who's gone to court seeking damages for a "campaign of harassment" by photographers, this writer states: "We have no right to invade people's privacy, but we do have a time honoured journalistic tradition of doing so that I would hate to see disappear." [Independent]
• Kylie Minogue would love to be an actress: "I’d love to do a comedy." [The Sun]
• It's weird to think about Dakota Fanning as 14-year-old sophomore and varsity cheerleader in real life, but that is what she is. [USA Today]
• Elle UK asked Kelly Osbourne to be part of a photography portfolio celebrating friendship and love; she decided to do it with her boyfriend. "My boyfriend is my best friend," she says. "We always go shopping together, we like going to music festivals and we chat on the phone a thousand times a day." [Elle UK]
• Haven't heard about these two in a while, but Nelly says he and Ashanti are "serious." They've been on and off since 2003. [People]
• Here's a piece about how stars change shape for films. A former Royal Marine who has worked on the last five James Bond films, has also been training with Jake Gyllenhaal for Prince Of Persia. He says: "Most actors are athletes nowadays. Their fitness is a big factor in whether they get cast or not. Jake has to look like a warrior capable of sword-fighting, not like he's been hitting the gym. He is working out twice, sometimes three times a day, six days a week, for three to four months on top of stunt rehearsals before filming begins." Ready to go back to bed? [Times of London]
• Did Paris Hilton steal Benji Madden from Sophie Monk? This was 8 months ago, if you care. [News.com.au]
• Johnny Carson's former lawyer is calling the Tonight Show host a sad, depressed man who cheated on his wives and was tormented by his mother. Tears of a clown? [Page Six]
• Whoa: Mickey Rourke once planned to kill a man and then commit suicide, because the guy had raped a woman he knew. [The Sun]
• The Pet Shop Boys will be presented with an outstanding contribution to music award at next year's Brit Awards, which means Simon Cowell won't get it. What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this? [BBC News, Mirror]
• The Communist Party of St. Petersburg must not have much to do, because they're pissed at "Bond girl" Olga Kurylenko for "sleeping with the West." [UPI]
• Jean-Claude Van Damme canceled promotional appearances for a film because one of his dogs is in a coma. Tragic! [Page Six]
• "Kate Winslet is always naked, sitting on a toilet, running buck-naked. She's free. I want to be the kind of actress who can really be comfortable with my body like that" — Halle Berry in Elle. [Page Six]
• "I've kept in touch with William — he's really good looking. But I prefer Harry, he's more my type." — Paris Hilton on the Princes. [Mirrror]
• "I need you to make the best sub you have ever made because it's for Snoop Dogg," A "handler" to a Subway employee in Australia. [News.com.au]
• "I've always been a slow starter. My first date was with a girl called Cessi. We had a beautiful relationship over the phone all summer and then when we met I couldn't look her in the eye." — Leonardo DiCaprio. [Guardian]
• "I don't know if seniors like me at all. I think they're a little sick of me. I think they say, 'Get off! We just want to rest.' I thought I was wonderful. Then I saw a replay. I couldn't believe I was just one, two, three, turn. I didn't have the spunk I thought I had." — Cloris Leachman, on her final Dancing With The Stars performance. [Newsweek]
• "Owen Wilson is so divine in this film. I've never seen him play a part like this. He was a man; he was a husband; he was a father. And I feel like, how brave of him, to walk through the year that he walked through." — Jennifer Aniston on her Marley And Me costar. [LA Times]
• "It's a different part of my life. I try and look back on it with fondness but when I'm reminded of it I'm really embarrassed… Honestly, I really hoped my daughter wouldn't see it, otherwise she'd never listen to a thing I say again. I thought I was the coolest guy in the world but really I was just a jackass." — Mark Wahlberg on his "Marky Mark" music career. [Telegraph]
• "If someone starts talking to me negatively about something they've never actually studied that actual text of, I don't really admire them very much because it shows they don't have much integrity, so I just kind of ignore them. I'm not going to listen to gossip and hearsay about something that's affected my life so tremendously in such a tremendously positive way. It's a new religion. Historically every new religion has been [dismissed]. People were hanged, fed to the lions for their beliefs so this is just a modern day evolution of what happens when something new comes into our culture. It is not fully understood yet. I've seen drug addicts completely rehabilitated, I've seen the illiterate become literate, I've seen people that were so depressed and hopeless completely rehabilitate their goals in life, become happier, find partners. It's beautiful." — Jenna Elfman on Scientology. [Perez Hilton]
• "Every other guy I've been out with has used me for money or sex — but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people… I loved this guy for three years but he betrayed me. Rick’s a scumbag and I hate him. It was just the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me. So humiliating and embarrassing. But at the end of the day, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve found someone who loves me for me. Benji’s my best friend and I know he’d never hurt me." — Paris Hilton. [News Of The World]
• "To go on about acting as art is ridiculous. You don’t have to be gifted just to hit a mark and a line. As far as I’m concerned, that’s 90 per cent of the job. Anyone who finds acting difficult just shouldn’t be doing it." — Kurt Russell. [Daily Express]
• "I'm thinking, 'If this guy (Jesus) can die for mankind, the least I can do is quit smoking. I really felt an epiphany was happening. I even thought I saw a light around me. Four hours later, I bought a packet of Marlboro Reds. Who am I kidding? I need a cigarette." — Gerard Butler, on his religious experience at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, Israel. [ONTD]
• "I shaved my back just in case. I went fully bare, like a two year old. I was ready. I didn't want to be too real for the world. I don't think the world is too ready for a hairy back in a love scene. Has there ever been a sex scene with Robin Williams? People don't want to see that. That would border on bestiality." — Seth Rogen, on preparing himself for Zack And Miri Make A Porno. [Daily Express]

• Oh dear: Lindsay Lohan's Ugly Betty episodes were cut from six to four. A source says: "It was a mess. Lindsay would show up every day with an entourage of people. She smoked 24/7, and after she left, they had to repaint her dressing room it was such a mess." Plus! in a scene where Betty is supposed to pull down Lindsay's pants, America Fererra did and LL wasn't wearing underwear. But! A different source says "America was mean to Lindsay. Producers give her too much power. Lindsay didn't do the last two episodes because America didn't like her and got her kicked off." Drama! [Page Six]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is on the cover of Vogue India dressed as an Indian bride in a sari. There's a joke here about currying favor, right? [The Sun]
• Beyoncé would like for you to call her Sasha Fierce. Her new double album will be called I Am… Sasha Fierce. She explains: "I have someone else that takes over when it's time for me to work and when I'm on stage, this alter ego that I've created that kind of protects me and who I really am. Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I'm working and when I'm on the stage." It's call compartmentalization. Look into it. [Reuters]
• Ali Lohan didn't go to her grandfather's funeral because she didn’t have time to get her hair extensions done the day before and didn’t want anyone to see what horrible hair she has. [ONTD]

• Madonna may give Guy an extra £5million if she can dictate when he gets to see the kids. [Daily Mail]
• Guy Ritchie was "in pieces" after seeing that picture of Rocco Ritchie in a Yankees T-shirt. "He's actually been crying over it," says a source on the set of Sherlock Holmes. "He's in a terrible state but is doing his best to be on form at work." [Us]
• Some model named Tania with 37 inch legs has claimed she continued seeing Guy Ritchie after he dumped her for Madonna... Plus, some say Madonna never got over her fear that Guy secretly liked Tania better. [The Sun]
• Michael Madsen was removed from his home Monday after a family member became frightened of his behavior. He was taken to the hospital on a 5150 (involuntary psychiatric hold, the same as Britney, back in January). [TMZ]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley were on Oprah talking about boys. They support each other's choices, Mary-Kate explains. "If she doesn't like him, I won't like him. If she likes him, I'll like him." [People]
• Adrien Brody bought a motherfucking castle. There are pictures. The poster describes girlfriend Elsa Pataky, whom he blindfolded and surprised the castle with on her birthday, as a "lucky bitch." Agreed. [ONTD]
• Matt Lucas of Little Britain got a quickie divorce from partner Kevin McGee. The first celebrity gay divorcee? [Daily Mail]
• Ellen DeGeneres has stuff to say about Sarah Palin: "Basically, she wants to change the Constitution. I don't like it. I don't agree! And maybe it's because I'm gay that I think we should all be equal." [People]
• Bare tires and debris on the runway could be the cause of the plane crash that killed four people and injured Travis Barker and DJ AM. [People]
• Jessica Alba shows off her kid- and eco-friendly house in In Style magazine. [People]
• Justin Timberlake teamed up with the Jonas Brothers, Rihanna, 50 Cent, Leona Lewis and others for a fundraiser for the Shriners' Hospitals for Children. How did he get everyone to participate? "I actually wrote letters," Justin says. "I was old fashioned. I didn't have to stalk anyone." The benefit raised more than $1 million. [People]
• George Takei calls William Shatner's YouTube rant "silliness." Takei says he did invite Shatner to his wedding, but that Shatner never replies or shows up for stuff. [ET, Daily Express]
• Julianne Hough was rushed to the hospital on Tuesday after Dancing With The Stars but she says "I'm fine." She just had a bad stomach ache. Before going to the hospital, she changed out of her Lucy costume but forgot to take off her over-drawn lipstick. "I was like whatever; I’m sure they see a lot worse there.” [People]
• Dominic Monaghan will be on Chuck, in his first major TV gig since Lost. Click for an interview with Charlie from Drive Shaft! [EW]
• Halle Berry bought a house in St. Hippolyte, Quebec, for her, the baby, and boyfriend Gabriel Aubry. It's a humble abode on 63 acres overlooking the Molson Lake. And peut-être le bébé will speak Français, oui? [Perez Hilton]
• 50 Cent has finally reached an agreement over visitation rights for his 11-year-old son. He gets one weekend a month and one month in the summer, plus half of spring and winter breaks and alternating holidays. [Perez Hilton]
• Prime Minister Gordon Brown had to explain to Nelson Mandela who Amy Winehouse was at Mandela's 90th birthday. Harder to explain: Why Amy was singing "Free Blakey, my fella" instead of "Free Nelson Mandela." [Telegraph]
• Eminem's memoir delves into his personal struggles: "Rap is one big Fantasy Island," Eminem writes. "It’s the place I always retreat to when things get too hectic in real time… If you go back and look at the abuse that I took, it’s no surprise I became who I am. Someone I don’t really want to be." [NY Times]
• Is Cloris Leachman "sucking the life" out of Dancing With The Stars? [TMZ
• Lil Wayne is the father of a new son, Dwayne Carter III. The identity of the mother is not known. 26-year-old Wayne also has an 8-year-old daughter [Us]
• Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed (father of the late Dodi) has been questioned by police over allegations of a sexual assault on a girl under 16. He vehemently denies the claims. [BBC News]
• Gavin Rossdale says Kingston's been bullying baby Zuma: "It’s mainly a one-sided fight right now because Zuma’s pretty defenseless. But he’s not a small baby, so I think that Kingston’s got a couple years left and then he’s gonna get in trouble." [Just Jared]
• Benji Madden was seen hugging a random blonde and kissing her on the cheek; the headline is "Benji Cheats On Paris!" [Star]
• Despite reports that Zac Efron would be in the fourth Pirates Of the Caribbean movie, he has not been cast. Zac says: "It's just a rumor." [People]
• As reported in Midweek Madness, Mandy Moore has stopped speaking to her mother, who left Mandy's dad for a woman. "When Mandy's mom came out as a lesbian… Mandy felt betrayed," a source says. "[She] feels as if she's been lied to her entire life." [Star]
• Peaches Geldof has been "hard at work" refining her American accent. "Her conversation is littered with the words 'dude' and 'like.'" Plus! She told people she was married in "Nevada, Texas." [Daily Mail]
• Usher will perform at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, which will be taped at Fontainebleau Miami Beach and broadcast Dec. 3 on CBS. Expect to see Heidi Klum, Alessandra Ambrosio, Selita Ebanks, Doutzen Kroes, Adriana Lima, Marisa Miller, Miranda Kerr and more strut in skimpy, ridiculous lingerie. [UPI]
• Speaking of Usher, word is his marriage on the rocks. [StereoHyped]
• Ouch, Jack White pulled out of the MTV Europe Music Awards after slipping a disc in his neck. A source says, "Jack’s still in a lot of pain. He hoped it would have cleared by now but the injury is refusing to heal." This could affect his plans to promote his Bond theme with Alicia Keys, boo. [The Sun]
• Annie Leibovitz says that when she shot the Queen a while back, "We were all very nervous. The Queen came down the hall and she looked a little perturbed. I knew something was up." She also notes: "We have to remember her age and she was wearing a 75lb cloak." [Telegraph]
• Spotted having lunch at New York media's fave restaurant, Michael's: Heather Mills and Page Six's Richard Johnson. [mediabistro]
• Pretend to be Daniel Craig with the Quantum Of Solace video game. [Independent]
• Former Atomic Kitten singer Kerry Katona slurred her words and had a "meltdown" on live TV earlier this week; now this paper has videos of the "Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns." [Mirror]
• Rosie O'Donnell will star and executive produce a Lifetime Original Movie called America: the powerful story of one boy's emotional struggle through the foster care system. [PR Newswire]
• Curb Your Enthusiasm will be back for a seventh season. [Ain't It Cool News]
• Speaking of Larry David, he's written an essay for HuffPo about how he can't wait for November 4th. "I'm anxious all the time and taking it out on my ex-wife, which, ironically, I'm finding enjoyable… Five times a day I'll still say to someone, 'I don't know what I'm going to do if McCain wins.' … I'm paranoid, obsessive, nervous, and totally mental." [Huffington Post]
• "I feel like they tolerate me... like when you're burdened with something unpleasant and you cope with it. There's always, 'Oh, look at you — you don't like to wear dresses!' But they say it in such a nice way that, for the first 10 years, I guess I was like, 'Oh, how nice, even though I don't dress like them, they still like me.' It's good to be dumb because you don't get hurt. They are nice, they're honest. You know where you stand. And I do appreciate that. But (when they said) 'Oh, you have your own style,' I think after that one (comment) I was like, 'Oh, I get it now - you don't like anything about me.'" — Lisa Kudrow, on her French in-laws. [Daily Express]
• "I have been in relationships that can make you doubt who you are and what you are capable of, and doubt what you deserve. It took me a bit little longer to get it right." — Jennifer Lopez. [People]
• "We've met a couple times and he is good-looking, yes. But personality? Hmmm. He could work on it." — Susan Francia, Olympic rower, on Michael Phelps. [Page Six]
• "I've reached the time of life where father roles are coming my way and they're a hell of a lot more interesting than young lovers." — Colin Firth [The Star]

• Christian Bale's "assault" against his mother is part of a long-simmering feud. Apparently Christian's been estranged from his mother and sister, Jenny and Sharon Bale, since he sided with his father when his parents divorced in the early '90s. Christian "reluctantly" agreed to meet with them at his London hotel right before the premiere of The Dark Knight but soon realized they were there to hit him up for money. An argument ensued; Christian demanded they leave his suite and allegedly pushed his mother out of the door. Snubbed, his mother went and told her "assault" story; she's trying to sell it to media outlets as well. [Chicago Sun Times]
• Christian Bale singed autographs and posed for photos at the Madrid premiere of Dark Knight last night but did not speak to reporters, duh. By the by, he has not been formally charged with anything. [People]
• Christian's relationship with his wife? Solid. [E!]
• P.S.: Aaron Eckhart has agreed to be in a third Batman film. [ONTD]

• Princess diaries? The FBI has seized Anne Hathaway's journals and will scour the pages looking for info about her ex, Raffaello Follieri. Anne's apparently cut off all contact with Follieri and changed her numbers; a source says, "Raffaello has been trying to call her all the time." He's not doing to well in prison — and wonders if Anne helped put him behind bars. This is going to make a great movie of the week! [Rush & Molloy]
• Brad Pitt's lawyers have sent cease-and-desist letters to photo agencies after paparazzi used "highly powerful telephoto lenses" to get pics — maybe of the twins? [Rush & Molloy]
• Sienna Miller is suing over those shots of her cavorting with Balthazar Getty. She's claiming breach of privacy — and since she won a judgment in December regarding nude pictures of her on the set of Hippie Hippie Shake — she might have a shot. [People]
• Apparently Sienna's pubic hair is being digitally enhanced for Hippie Hippie Shake, a source says, because "the film is set in the swinging '60s when fashion was wild and body hair even wilder… Unfortunately, Brazilians weren't common in the '60s… Sienna's private parts were digitally enhanced, giving her a rather unruly, loud and proud bush." [Mirror]
• Britney's mom ran over a bike-riding young boy with her car and killed him. In 1975. But a source says, "To this day, Lynne hasn't gotten over what she did. She gets that terrified look in her eye when she is thinking about it." Lynne was rushing her injured brother to the hospital when the accident happened. [National Enquirer]
• Singer, fashion designer, actress and mother of two Jennifer Lopez is training for a triathalon, because you don't aleady feel bad enough about yourself. [MSNBC]
• Madonna's brother says his book doesn't even contain everything he wanted to reveal about Madge. "There are plenty of things I left out of the book," he swears. "And things that the lawyers and editors took out." [MSNBC]
• 50 Cent is suing Taco Bell for using his image in an ad campaign without his permission. The ads suggested that Fiddy change his name to 79, 89 or 99 Cent to help promote The Bell's penny-saving deals. 50 doesn't do fast food deals. Who does Taco Bell they think they are, Vitamin Water? [E!]
• Um, Pete Doherty is trying to turn his dead cat into a ring for Kate Moss. Shelley was Kate's fave cat when Kate and Pete were together. Pete's supposedly using that company that turns ashes into gems but yeah. Ugh. [ONTD]
• Let's do the time warp again: MTV is developing a remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. A reader writes: "MTV has ruined EVERYTHING WE LOVED. I don't even know how to deal. Seriously, my emotions on this subject are majorly conflicted. I'm sad, which makes me want chocolate cake, but I'm also homicidal, which makes me want chicken fingers." [ONTD, Variety]
• Ethan Hawke and his wife Ryan Shawhughes welcomed a daughter, Clementine Jane Hawke, last Friday. [Us Magazine]
• Lindsay Lohan's cameo role on Ugly Betty is that of Kimberley, Betty's high school nemesis, who is now a fast food waitress. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie us the first choice of leading lady in The Thomas Crown Affair 2, which is too bad because no one can be as hot as Rene Russo was in the 1999 version, which, btw, was a remake. [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof says all that matters is "love, art and music," because they are the only "pure things in life." Then she was spotted with a drug vial necklace. [The Sun]
• Kelsey Grammer nearly died after his heart attack last month. "They had to blast me twice and get me started all over again," he says. Insert something about tossed salads and scrambled eggs here. [Yahoo News]
• Nick Hogan is moving from the juvenile section into the general population of the Pinellas County Jail. He'll be one of 3,300 adult inmates, gulp. [E!]
• A nanny fired on Jordan's reality show is suing the "glamour model" also called Katie Price. The nanny says her privacy was infringed on. [Mirror]
• Here is a story from Pigeon Forge, TN: "Two 14-week-old American bald eagles named by Disney star Miley Cyrus and her country singer father, Billy Ray Cyrus, will be released into the wild Thursday at the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains. The American Eagle Foundation has released more than 90 eagles from Dolly Parton's Dollywood theme park in East Tennessee since the 1990s." [Yahoo News]
• A man has been charged with stalking Lorne Michaels. The dude believes his thoughts were being stolen by Michaels and then used as SNL fodder. That's just good writing! [E!]
• Avril Lavigne "hates her fangs" and is planning on getting her teeth filed down by a cosmetic dentist. Her punk attitude will remain intact. [Star]
• Elton John has a Ben & Jerry's flavor named after him. Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road is a yummy blend of chocolate ice cream, peanut butter cookie dough, butter brickle and white chocolate chunks and it's only available for a limited time. [ET]
• Remember Jasmine Guy, Whitley from A Different World? She's having messy divorce problems. [Yahoo News]
• Mindy McCready is in rehab; her 2-year-old son is in the care of her mother. [Yahoo News]
• Matt LeBlanc's former manager is suing him and Matt says Camille Cerio has a "major depressive disorder." [TMZ]
• "I hope to be married in the next five years." — Derek Jeter. [Page Six]
• "She's at that point where she can call me and say, 'Hey Dad, what's up? What time are you going to get me?' It's really cool. We talk every day. It's hard for me to be the tough guy with my daughter. Maybe I should work on the discipline stuff, but I could leave her mother to do that!… Look at me and the way I live: I ride my bicycle, I walk, I don't have a driver. That's how I keep her grounded. Her mom does a good job too – she's not that person that everyone thinks. She's very laidback and cool." — Carlos Leon on his relationship with daughter Lourdes, aka Lola. [People]

Lohan is thinking outside of the box, though. She recently revealed that she’s got a business idea to carry her over until her next windfall: She’ll be starting her own line of leggings. Lohan told Life & Style, “It will be a while before it comes out, but I’m going to do it. Some of them will have prints and some will have patterns. I love leggings.”

[www.msnbc.msn.com]

Martin feels like girls are being left out of gaming. But is the best way to bring them into this male-dominated field through a program where they learn the beauties of getting high and opening their legs? Eh, says Martin, there's no difference between her game and ones where boys are encouraged to steal cars and shoot people. Furthermore, Martin insists that her game exposes the complications that go along with such choices, for instance, "taking drugs and smoking might work against you because you have to go to rehab or have stinky breath when the captain of the football team comes to speak to you." Dude, that is so true. Well, except Lindsay, Mary-Kate, Nicole and even fucking Betty Ford went to rehab and they're all still super cool and totally famous, right?! Seriously, don't you want a suite at Promises or Cirque Lodge for your next vacation? Rehab seems fun!

Kids 'Play' With Drugs, Sex [Daily Telegraph]

After being told that a freebie demo was out of the question, I decided to just fork over the cash (or rather, expense the bill) and pay for the damn thing. As far as desirable accessories goes, this one is really affordable: A one-time installation fee of $50 - $100, and a daily monitoring fee of $10 - $15. Not bad, right? So I decided to just enroll in the SCRAM alcohol monitoring program voluntarily, a la Lohan. Easier said than done! Actually, it's practically impossible. After reading the company's FAQ, I instant-messaged Anna yesterday and was like, "I'm beginning to question whether Lindsay's bracelet is a bunch of bullshit." Imagine my self-satisfaction when I woke up this morning to the news that I was most likely right.

I'm not saying that the bracelet itself is bullshit. I'm saying that Lindsay's enrollment in the program is. Actually, the SCRAM bracelet, and the system that runs it, is sophisticated and is probably the most effective alcohol screener around, in that it monitors the "offender" (that's how they refer to them in the literature provided by the company) 24/7, through the toxins in the sweat emitted from the body. The scientific explanation is here. The bracelet detects the booze sweat, and then sends a signal to the SCRAM modem, which sends a signal to the monitoring center, where a human sitting behind a laptop will see that the wearer has been knocking 'em back.

While researching how I'd be able to get my leg in one of those things, it became obvious that I'd have to make up some elaborate lie about why I needed to be monitored, and even that didn't guarantee the privilege, because the bracelets and the monitoring system need to be court-ordered, as part of a condition of bond, parole, or a re-entry program, etc. So I immediately became suspicious of LiLo's "voluntary" involvement with the program. I imagined that for her, the bracelet was like any other clothing item or accessory—for appearances only. Fashion over function.

But the thing is, even if Linds was enrolled in the program, did any of us (her lawyers, handlers, parents included) think that booze was her main vice? Proving that she's not drinking does nothing to prove her sobriety. As far as my limited knowledge on this device goes, SCRAM does not detect coke, weed, or pills, including ecstasy (as she was rumored to be in the market for during her recent post-rehab Vegas bash).

If Lindsay's blood alcohol level at the time of her arrest was .14, as it's been reported, then she would have been drinking for a while. The human being behind the laptop at the monitoring place would've seen that and alerted whomever was on the call list, and that person would've been able to prevent her from getting behind the wheel. But none of that happened.

Lindsay's lawyer has recently issued a statement to TMZ saying, "Unfortunately, late yesterday I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed." I have a feeling that she was informed of the relapse because she was on the receiving end of the one phone call Linds was allowed to make from the slammer. Perhaps the statement would've been more succinct had she said, "Uh, the jig is up!"

Related: Is The Scram A Sham? [TMZ]
SCRAM [AlcoholMonitoringSystems]

• Winona Ryder is speaking out now about her shoplifting. Honestly? No one gives a shit. [People]
  
• In the UK, one in four 18-to-25-year olds cannot answer the following question: What is one eighth of 32? [BBC]
  
• Al-Qaeda said to be "stepping-up" its presence in the U.S. Please God, no one tell Elisabeth Hasselbeck. The thought of her ranting and raving about this is scarier than the threat of a terrorist act itself. [BBC]
  
• Memo to Hillary: The woman who is to be India's first female president - not so popular. [NYT]
  
• Harry Potter the book? Too long. Harry Potter the movie? Too heavy-handed. But Harry Potter the postage stamp? Now we're talking! [USA Today]

• And meanwhile, Harry Potter is also the latest problem to afflict Israel, with the new book being released on Saturday, the Jewish Sabbath. Religious leaders = not happy. And now we wonder, are there that many Orthodox rabbis worried about whether Snape is evil or not? [USA Today]
• The lawyer with TB who claimed he had no idea he was contagious had surgery to help treat his condition today. Um, too little too late, bub. [CNN]
• The current crop of Republican presidential candidates? Losers, all of 'em. [CNN]
• 2 U.S. casualties identified. [DoD]

[Images via WWD]

• The more celebs who launch perfumes, the worse they all smell, apparently. Sales of the celebrity stink fell 17% last year. Can Mariah Carey save the celebrity-olfactory complex? 80% of white women and 90% of black women view Mimi favorably, according to surveys. Which is really the only important thing when we're deciding how to smell — whether we approve of the public persona carefully cultivated by the celebrity licensing his or her name to the perfume. Usher, Gwen, Diddy, and SJP are also launching scents.[WWD]
  
• In other smells-need-faces news, the face of the new Tom Ford fragrance is...Tom Ford! He rated EXTREMELY favorably with himself. [WWD]
  
• "Bush's decision to wear black socks with his Crocs was ill-considered. The combination makes one think of an old man on his way to the beach." [Washington Post]
  
• LVMH is holding a Fendi fashion show on the Great Wall of China. Because the Great Wall was about as effective as keeping out Genghis Kahn as Chinese anti-piracy laws are at eradicating fake baguettes? Because no one told them you can't really see the Great Wall from the moon? Or just cause it wouldn't be the fashion industry if it weren't psychotically bombastic? [Reuters]

• In other LVMH news, the corporate parent of pretty much every luxury brand known to woman is getting into the terribly lucrative and glamorous newspaper business. Because why turn 30% operating margins when you could be losing money and battling unions? Because it's retro? [Vogue UK]
• Ronson out! It appears that SoapNet's upcoming reality show The Fashionista Diaries is on the brink of canning initial star Charlotte Ronson. They say contract negotiations. We say... eh, who cares about Lindsay Lohan's cokehead lesbo hanger-on-er's twin sister? It's like Scarlett Johansson's twin brother. But stupider. [WWD, 2nd item]
• One third of women attending music festivals buy new wardrobes for them. And one out of every one of those one third women have something "kinda Kate Moss-ish" in mind. [Fashion Inc.]

DailyCandy Boston thinks you're a Lohan wannabe and that all you want in life is to sport a poseur fedora. (Yup, that's how much DailyCandy really hates you.)

DailyCandy Chicago wants you to know that everyone — and we mean everyone — will hate you if you try to better your eating habits or go organic.

DailyCandy Dallas thinks you need to stop living in denial about how much your life sucks, and that you need to hire a dream interpreter to tell you so.

DailyCandy Los Angeles thinks you're desperate enough to be satiated by a few bad (and we do mean bad, not bad-ass) party game suggestions.

DailyCandy New York thinks you're either a hipster posing as prepster or a prepster posing as a hipster. Either way, we're insulted... and will not be yachting any time soon.

DailyCandy Philadelphia thinks you're a fatty and a glutton and suggests you hang your head and shame and binge on spoon after spoonful of honey.

• OMG trouble in "Coke N Bloke" paradise! The fame slut Lindsay Lohan is sleeping with attracts his own fame slut who blabs about it to the gossip press in an episode that vaguely recalls that time Shar Jackson and Jason Alexander went on a date. Sure, act like you don't remember that. [Rush & Molloy]
• We're not sure whether Britney is attending the Lohan School of Sobriety or if it's the other way around so we're just going with both of them being equally rigorous followers of the Bukowski method. [Cindy Adams]
• The body issues of the boxing world continue to totally gross us out: What does Sylvester Stallone need with 48 vials of human growth hormone at age 60? Maybe he's selling to Khaliah Ali. [Globe & Mail]
• Which pair of Texan sisters suddenly seems to have changed places, with the former party girl disappearing from the club scene while the former brunette bookwoorm parties up a storm? No, not The Simpsons! The ones with the Secret Service detail who arrive in matching white linen outfits! [Page Six]

• After a tiff with the boyfriend, Kate Bosworth heads to Pete Wentz's sex-in-the-bathroom bar with Helena Christensen for a "girl's night." We wish that sounded lesbo or something but actually, it probably just involved a lot of coke. [Page Six]
• We have never been to Bungalow 8, but the slow news day news of Petra Namcova necking Stavros Niarchos there made us guess it must be like the Cheers of the plutotrash, with Stavros as Sam, Paris as Diane and probably one of those soundtracks that makes you want to cut yourself. [Page Six]

Lindsay Lohan may have thought she was hot stuff when she got a "chipped manicure" to give her a rocker-girl chic look, but Sienna Miller is taking this season's black nail trend to a new level. The Factory Girl actress was spotted with a bashed black thumb at New York's JFK airport when she was yapping in the customs area (where cell phones are banned) about her bleeding thumb. Could the trendsetting Brit manage to bring back self-mutilation?

http://www.nypost.com/seven/12052006/gossip/pagesix/sienna_flies_by_her_own_rules_pagesix_.htm