I love European travel, but my girlfriend has travel restrictions outside the United States for at least one more year...I really like her, but this is causing me some resentment; she hinted that she's okay with my traveling by myself — but in a passive-aggressive manner, I suspect. Any words of wisdom?

Dorthy Parker:
"You overestimate your appeal/
She'll pack your bags with joyful zeal."

Ernest Hemingway: This is why God made French whores. And Spanish whores. I'm forgetting some whores.

Casanova: That's what we call a "business trip."

Emily Dickinson: What is this "travel" of which you speak?

Lizzie Borden: What is this "passive aggression" of which you speak?

Joseph McCarthy: "Travel restrictions?" And what are these "European" countries you're so very eager to visit?

Abelard: So, you "love" travel and "like" this woman? Enduring Love: ur doin it rong. [translated from the Latin.]

Isak Dinesen: I disagree. This is curtailing your ability to travel? End it.

George M. Cohan: Wait, why would you want to leave the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD? [Dances.]

Marie Antoinette: Travel restrictions? I don't understand. You just call a carriage, nicht wahr?

Alfred Dreyfus: Don't talk to me about resentment, Monsieur.

Sir Thomas More: What do you mean, "hinted?"

Ernest Hemingway: Remembered! Cuban whores.

Jack Kerouac: Fuck the government.

CAROLYN HAX [Washington Post]

Earlier: How Do I Tell Everyone That This Guy Died Of Prostate Cancer Because He Was An Adulterer?
"My Marriage Is Falling Apart Because I'm A Mac, And He's A PC."
What To Do When You're In Love With Your Sister's Widower?
"How Do I Keep My Sullen Daughter From Alienating My Wealthy Boyfriend?"

Writes the seeker,

Q. I am a widow with a 15-year-old daughter. I have been going out with someone for six months but he lives and works abroad and I usually go and see him. On the few occasions when he has come to stay with me and my daughter in England, she has been absolutely poisonous towards him. (She is just jealous. He is a very nice man.) Now he has invited us both to stay with him for a fortnight in the summer in his holiday house in Italy and I am at my wits' end to know how I can get my daughter to behave on this holiday and prevent her from putting him off me because the ‘baggage' is too difficult to handle. What can I do?

Freud: I'm leaving this one alone.

Marie Antoinette: I don't understand. Why don't you just stay at separate chateaux?

Vladimir Nabokov: Urbane, European boyfriend? Bratty 15-year-old daughter? Selfish, widowed mother? This should end well!

Joan Crawford: Isn't there a bathroom somewhere she should be cleaning?

Nathan Bedford Forrest: I hate Italians.

Little Edie Beale: She's jealous? YOU'RE JEALOUS!

Oscar Wilde: I find you unspeakably tedious.

Dorothy Parker:
You're boyfriend's married,
You're daughter's a pill.
I wish I didn't, but
I know that drill.

Lizzie Borden: Watch your back.

Dare Wright: Why don't you just live together, do elaborate photoshoots and play with dolls? What is this "going out" of which you speak?

Joseph Smith: And why is this young woman yet unmarried?

Jack Kerouac: Fuck You

Your problems solved [SpectatorUK]

Earlier: What To Do When You're In Love With Your Sister's Widower?

Here's what "Randi" wrote into Obit Mag's mortality-related advice column.

Dear Judy,

I can hardly stand to write this, I'm so embarrassed. My older sister died a year ago, more or less. It wasn't a big surprise. She had uncontrollable diabetes. Also, she was very overweight and weak, never exercised and didn't take care of herself the way she should have.

My problem is her husband. I've been crazy about him for a few years now. Obviously, while my sister was alive I never told him, my brother or anyone about my feelings. Now that she's dead, my feelings for him are getting a lot worse. Meaning they're getting stronger. He was very upset by my sister's death: They have a son who's 8. I was sad too, but obviously conflicted about many things.

Would it be bad for me to tell this man how I feel about him now? If I do, I know my mother will freak. She was abandoned by my father right after I was born, so she has a lot of thoughts on the subject of love and marriage, as you can imagine. Also, I'm not too sure how the rest of our extended families will react.

I don't know what to do, which is why I'm writing you.

Randi

Judy's advice is, as ever, very sensible. As she says, "I'm in a really bad position here since you haven't given me a clue about your brother-in-law — namely, whether or not he's ever shown any indication that he's interested in you. Which is a fairly important factor." She also suggests that, given how short a time the sister's been dead, she should hold off - from confessing to anyone.

Here is what various dead people had to say:

Dorothy Parker: Darling, to hell with them. But remember: "Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away." Or not. Fools lap up folly like Manhattans.

Joseph Smith: Why art you not his plural wife in the first place?

Dr. Atkins: Diet and exercise are overrated. At the end of the day, we're all here and some of us haven't eaten a piece of fruit in thirty-two years.

Lizzie Borden: 'Wasn't a big suprise?' I know that game.

Jane Austen: Thoughts of love and marriage, madam, do not wisdom make, and what is more, the disapprobation of one's family can upon occasion bestow an untold degree of felicity - and distance not easily breached by a few miles of good road.

Anais Nin: The heart does not know law, know marriage...anxiety is love's only enemy!

Oscar Wilde: I have little to declare, madam, but your tedium. There are few things less engaging than a "widower," save perhaps an Ulster widower.

Flannery O'Connor: If he wanted you, he'd have you. Men seldom don't have what they want.

Jack Kerouac: Fuck You.

In Love With A Widower, Terminal Depression And Bucking Dependency [Obit]