• Earlier this week on The View, Joy Behar joked about Tiger Woods' mistress Rachel Uchitel: "Yeah, you-ka-tell she's a hooker." Uchitel didn't find it so funny, and her lawyer threatened to sue the show.

• The View responded by issuing this statement: "Joy Behar made a play on Ms. Uchitel's name. This was intended as a joke. We sincerely apologize for the choice of words and for any misimpression the joke may have created." [TMZ]
• Woods, for his part, is taking an "indefinite" break from golf. [ESPN]
• An unnamed Tiger Woods mistress bragged to friends that she had been trying to get pregnant by him for years. "She used to try to arrange to see Tiger when she was ovulating. She thought she'd be set for life financially if she could have Tiger's baby," said a source. Tiger had no idea, but hopefully he's learned an important lesson about birth control. [Radar Online]
• On the Today show, Jamie Jungers said she was introduced to Tiger Woods at a nightclub in 2005 and they ended up sleeping together. She said, "The more we drank, the more flirtatious it got." Isn't that how these things usually go? Jungers insists she isn't part of the escort service that some claim Tiger uses. "I got nothing from this relationship – except a broken heart," she said. [People]
• Escort-service owner Michelle Braun says of Jamie Jungers' story, "That's just a lie. Of course she's going to deny it. What girl is going to go on national TV and admit she was an escort?" [E!]
• In court today Anna Nicole Smith's two doctors and her lawyer, Howard K. Stern, plead not guilty to drug conspiracy charges. A judge refused to suspend the physicians' medical licenses, saying the case has been going on for years, so they're obviously not an "imminent danger." [AP]
• You may have heard that Courteney Cox and David Arquette are adopting a child, but her rep says it's a "complete fabrication." [Daily Express]
• Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson has been charged with first degree residential burglary and receiving stolen property for allegedly stealing lingerie, mail, clothing, and handbags from her ex-girlfriend Jasmine Lennard's home. [TMZ]
• Here's something you shouldn't regift: engagement rings. The ring Tila Tequila gave her fiancee Casey Johnson is actually the same ring she gave Courtenay Semel when they were dating."It is absolutely not real and Casey is well aware," said Courtenay. "I would not expect Tila to be able to differentiate a real diamond from a fake one. Her ring is as real as her engagement!"" [Radar Online]
• Ashlee Simpson has been cast as a supporting character in Nicole Richie's new sitcom. "Nicole adores Ashlee, and she truly believes in her talent," says a source. "With few other job prospects on the horizon, Ashlee - who desperately wants to establish herself as an actress - was feeling down until Nicole stepped up and promised: ‘I've got your back. What are girlfriends for?'" [Hollywood Scoop]
• Ick. Heidi Montag wrote on Twitter, "Here is a poem I wrote for my hubby Spencer," and linked to a 58-line poem about the flesh-bearded one. Here's a sample: "You are the most selfless, loving, perfect, caring, miraculous soul to be / Every day I am in aw (sic) of you / All of you passions motives are always so pure and true / I feel bad for all the women in the world who don't have you / But sorry ladies there is one and I don't share [Us]
• Charges have been dropped against the 22-year-old Chicago woman accused of videotaping a part of New Moon. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Def Leppard's former manager filed a lawsuit against the band for allegedly not paying her after a 2008 tour. [Radar Online]
• VIDEO: At LAX the paparazzi get too close to a woman in Axl Rose's entourage. He says, "touch her again, I'll break his fucking neck." The photographer touches her again and Axl knocks him to the ground. [TMZ]
• A woman called the police from Nelly's house after she saw "an older man with glasses and a mustache" walking around the house with a duffel bag full of video games and electronics. When the man was asked "why are you here?" he didn't answer and ran for an open window. Was it an early visit from Santa? [TMZ]
• Judy Garland and Sir Elton John were named the top gay icons by a voters on OnePoll.com. [Contact Music]
• Liza Minnelli says The Wizard of Oz isn't one of her favorite films. "I just loved her so and for some reason The Wizard of Oz bothers me when I see it. They do terrible things to her. ... That's 'cause it's my mom." [AP]
• Alyssa Milano is among the many Italian-Americans offended by Jersey Shore "My husband actually showed me the trailer on YouTube last night, and I got upset," she said. "It upset me. I was like, 'Turn that off!' So no, I don't think I'll be watching that!'" Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. "Snookie," defended her show on The Wendy Williams Show saying, "The Italian, whatever, national, whatever their organization is, they don't understand that 'guidos' and 'guidettes' are good-looking people that, you know, like to make a scene and be center of attention and just take care of themselves... They are old-fashioned. They don't know that; they think it's offensive, because maybe in their time it was offensive, but now it's kind of a compliment. So they don't understand that and that is what we are trying to say. They are way overreacting to the show. We're 22 to 29 just having fun at the shore. They are just taking it way out of proportion." [Us]
• After a screening of her new film The Young Victoria Emily Blunt said, "I don't feel like I had a burning ambition to play the Queen of England... She learned not to mistake stubbornness for strength, and I learned about the humanity of that world." [Style]
• "I can't go two months without being pregnant, engaged, or breaking up because I'm too needy, which is always the one they love," says Kate Hudson. "I'm not needy. You kind of have to laugh it off, but it can kind of screw up other things around it." She added: "If I walk out on the street with any man, I'm dating him. I've been dating two of my best friends from high school who are like girls to me. I have a child, and there are people involved, and it's unfair to talk about somebody else, especially when you're not in that place yet to be discussing those things." [Star]
• Tori Amos says she went through years of therapy but her daughter Natashya, who was born in 2000, was "the missing piece of the puzzle for me. [Her birth] literally kicked out any kind of negativity or self-abuse that I was holding onto." [CNN]
• Dave Itzkoff, who interviewed the remaining members of the Jackson 5 for Sunday's New York Times Magazine says they "seemed mostly unaware of the aura that surrounds their surname. They were a quartet of garrulous, goofy, occasionally cantankerous men who just happen to belong to one of popular culture's most captivating and scrutinized families - and who are still coping with a devastating loss on that same tremendous scale." [N.Y.T.]
• "I am not proud of being rich," says Ricky Gervais. "I still think they are waiting for me to pick up the wrong fork." [ONTD]
• In Esquire's "What I've Learned" column, Peter Jackson admits, "I'm a technophobe. I don't know how the technology works. But I know what the technology is capable of, which is the important thing." He adds, "My thirteen-year-old daughter makes films with her friends on the weekends. Then she edits them on iMovie, and I sit with her and ask her to teach me how to do it. I'm trying to learn." [Esquire]
• 15-year-old Saoirse Ronan says of her character in The Lovely Bones, "I never really thought of Susie Salmon as someone who was dead... Although her body is dead, her soul is still there. That's what makes Susie who she is and that's what I love about her." [Reuters]
• After an Irish report found that Catholic church leaders covered up widespread sexual abuse of children for 30 years, Pope Benedict said he felt "outrage, betrayal, and shame," but Sinead O'Connor is still calling for him to step down. "Popes have had no problem voicing their opinions when we wanted contraception or divorce," O'Connor said. "No problem criticizing The Da Vinci Code. No problem criticizing Naomi Campbell for wearing a bejeweled cross. Yet when it comes to the evils done by pedophiles dressed as priests they are silent. It is grotesque, unbelievable, bizarre and unprecedented. They stand for nothing now but evil." [Reuters]
• Pierce Brosnan, who appears in Roman Polanski's upcoming film The Ghost, says of the director's arrest, "There's a sadness to the whole situation. What happened was wrong in every way, but I just wish the man well and closure for this time in his life, at this moment in time. He's a magnificent director. He's iconic in the world of cinema. I think we've made a good film, the cast is really top class and I just hope that justice will be served with some dignity and compassion, and swiftly... We had dinners, we talked, I met him before and we got on very well together, but I don't know the man. I certainly knew the history of the man, and my heart goes out to his family, to his wife and to his children, and, as I say, I hope this chapter can be closed quickly." [Daily Express]
• "I tried to lose my virginity when I was seven-years-old," Diddy tells Playboy. "I was on top of a girl who was nine or 10, but it didn't happen - so everybody doesn't have to bug out. My mother and the babysitter whipped my ass." [The Sun]

• Michael Lohan says he knows who Lindsay's drug dealer is:

"This guy follows Lindsay all over the place. All over," Papa Lohan claims. "Lindsay pays for him to go everywhere. He has no job. No job. He does nothing. All he does is supply everyone in LA." [NY Post]

• The producers of Sex And The CIty 2 are pulling out all the stops: Penelope Cruz, Miley Cyrus and Liza Minnelli are all confirmed to do cameo appearances. It seems like each will play herself. [Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are in a "bitter pre-nup battle." Does this mean the honeymoon is over? [Radar Online]
• CBS is investigating the Letterman scandal and may air something on CBS News: A source says: "From having talked to some friends there, who are pretty highly placed, they really want to hit this story hard, like any other journalistic story." [NY Observer]
• According to a document dug up by TMZ, David Letterman's production company, Worldwide Pants, has a sexual harassment policy, but it does not prohibit sexual liaisons in the office, provided they're not "unsolicited and unwelcome." [TMZ]
• Will Michael Jackson's kids be included in an upcoming reality show about The Jackson family? Janet Jackson is okay with it, but Rebbie Jackson "feels Michael would spin in his grave if he knew his kids would be on the show." [NY Post
• Mel B. says there's a Spice Girls comeback in the works: "We're actually working on it right now. I don't want to say too much because I don't want to spoil the surprise, but it's really, really exciting. I can't wait to be singing with the girls again." [The Sun]
• Pamela Anderson's latest fashion accessory is a nine-year-old girl. [Page Six]
• Roman Polanski is continuing to fight extradition. [NY Times]
• And Roman Polanski is working on a film, The Ghost, — which stars Pierce Brosnan — from his prison cell. It should be out in February. [Telegraph]
• Even though Jon Gosselin told Larry King "it's not healthy for my kids to be on the show," he doesn't seem to mind if cameras film his twins' birthday party, [MSNBC Scoop]
• When Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelly adopted their daughter Naleigh, they mentioned that she had special needs. Now Kelly reveals: "She had two holes in her heart when she was born, so she had open-heart surgery when she was 3 months old." But, he adds: "Naleigh's definitely getting stronger, so much so that she's crawling and starting to pull herself up." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Courtney Love owes $324,335.21 in back taxes. [TMZ]
• Tracy Morgan slams Chris Kattan and Cheri Oteri in his new book. [Gatecrasher, Gawker]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Padma Lakshmi's pregnancy is being called a "miracle" since she had undergone two surgeries or endometriosis. Also , the father is not frequent companion Manu Nathan, who she says is "a cousin and dear friend." [People]
• Your WTF headline of the day: "Drugs, Feces and the Final Days of Anna Nicole Smith." [E!]
• "Anna Nicole Smith's last days: too weak to walk or sit up… The model drifted in and out of consciousness and could drink only from a baby bottle." [LA Times]
• BREAKING: Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford played ping-pong at Susan Sarandon's table tennis joint, SPiN. [Gatecrasher]
• Harry Connick Jr. on that blackface skit in Australia: "I'm pleased with the way I handled the situation." He canceled an autograph session and interviews in Sydney after the show. "It was very hot. It was a subject that was very, very controversial. So we just decided to take a couple of days off. I wasn't worried about physical harm." [AP]
• Click for a pic of Jason Lewis in bed. It's a campaign for Charisma linens. [Gatecrasher]
• Another woman is suing Dr. Phil, claiming she, too, was forced to be in the same room with a naked man.That's two now — three's a trend! [TMZ]
• Zach Braff is alive, despite what you might have seen on Facebook. [Gatecrasher]
• With roles in Glee and Julie & Julia, after being hilarious in Best In Show and A Mighty Wind, "Jane Lynch is having a very big year." [LA Times]
• Robert De Niro's swanky penthouse on top of his TriBeCa hotel is bigger than the Landmark Preservation Committee had originally approved and therefore illegal. When questioned about his apartment, De Niro said, "Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? [Gothamist]
• Pete Wentz is supporting the clean water initiative but will not climb Mount Kilimanjaro like Jessica Biel. He jokes: "I really won't do anything but Everest, because it's the highest." And he says wife Ashlee probably won't, either: "Knowing her, she'd want to do it in Gucci high heels." [Gatecrasher]
• Chris Pine — aka James T. Kirk in Star Trek — is in negotiations to play Jack Ryan in new flicks based on the Tom Clancy novels. [Variety]
• Matthew Perry's new TV show, which NBC was trying to snap up, will end up at ABC instead. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Justin "I'm A Mac" Long joins James McAvoy and Robin Wright Penn in The Conspirator, a historical drama about Confederate sympathizer tried for the Lincoln assasination, directed by Robert Redford. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Lenny Kravitz drinks vodka on stage. [Page Six]
• Um, the Backstreet Boys are still together? And have a new album? Howie D. explains in this interview. [Reuters]
• Unbreak your heart: Toni Braxton has defaulted on mortgage payments and Bank of America is on the verge of foreclosing on her place. [TMZ]
• Jeffrey Tambor (aka George Bluth Sr.) and his wife welcomed twin boys on October 4. [E!]
• Robin Givens: Working on a book and a movie about the first African saint. [Page Six]
• "He's a lot more tender and sweeter than you would ever guess from the show. If I were in trouble he'd be top of my list of people to call, believe it or not - and you'd never guess that from seeing the show, but that's the truth." — Mary Steenburgen on Curb Your Enthusiasm's Larry David. [Mirror]
• "Well, when the doctor said I was pregnant, I heard a voice saying, 'That's the man you're going to marry.' The voice was my mother's." — Marge Simpson, to Playboy. [Page Six]
• "It's not the big, dramatic change that people are making it out to be. [But] she finally gets her braces off!" — America Ferrera on her Ugly Betty transformation. [Gatecrasher]
• "I can't say anything very concrete… I'm facing the possibility to make my first movie in English next year if everything goes well." — Pedro Almodovar. [NY Observer]
• "He made himself, by himself. John and I never wanted to push him into music, so I was prepared that he might become an archaeologist or something. John didn't even want to tell him that he was a Beatle. Sean found out from someone else. One day, he even asked John, 'Were you a Beatle?' But he was always there when I recorded something. I think it started when John and I did Double Fantasy, and John would say that Sean should come. After John's passing, Sean was always there at my recordings. And he experienced it-he remembers that I used this instrument or that instrument. Later, when Sean was in his twenties, I found out that he knew all of the Beatles' songs, all of John's songs and all of my songs-every lyric." — Yoko Ono. [BlackBook]
• "I'm attracted to younger men, no doubt. Yeah, they're cute. I'm like one of the original cougars." — Courteney Cox. [USA Today]
• "Everyone knows you don't date Russell Brand seriously. Russell likes the idea of having a se rious relationship, but when you've got all these different flavors of ice cream offered to you on a plate, you're not going to stick with vanilla, are you? I don't think he's capable of monogamy." — Russell Brand's ex-girlfriend, Georgina Baillie, who thinks Katy Perry will have her heart broken. But what if Katy likes variety too?!?! [NY Post]

Jennifer Hudson, for instance: an actual survivor. Which, I guess, entitles her to a futuristic suit of armor, if that's what she wants.


Or, obviously, Liza! Sequins, wigs, and single-name-recognition are true diva hallmarks.


Toni Braxton appreciates the drama of the occasion, even if this does swing a little David's Bridal.


And Kathy and Hoda, obviously, needed to be here. Their getups are deliciously frumpy. And I'm kind of feeling all the virginal white - both seasonally and occasionally inappropriate.


Kathy Griffin is a virtual virgin goddess! No, seriously, I really like this gown.


Paula is, of course, the grand mistress of this whole thing. Her rather elegantly subdued dress is saved from too much quiet good taste by ruby slippers and - are those stockings?


Speaking of quiet good taste - and wigs - Kim Zolciak is actually going much looser than usual in azalea-tinted meringue.


Kelly Clarkson, diva-in-training, looks about as youthful as an operatic diva with a long history of Wagner performances behind her.


Jordyn Sparks also skews a little frumpy. Which, given the event, I'm kind of feeling.


India.Arie sort of looks like she has gold spilling from her breasts. Nice skill to have!


The horizontal wrap on Sheryl Crow's gauzy number isn't terribly flattering - but might have been better with a shoe other than these high-cut booties.


If you're dressing around a generous bust, like Sheri Shepherd, tight and one-shouldered isn't really the most flattering option, as it results in the dreaded sling effect.


Adele, embryo diva, continues her run as one of the best-dressed women on the proverbial red carpet of life.


You know who don't qualify as divas? Whitney Port and Lauren Conrad. That said, I'm glad they made a sequin effort.


Also: Miley Cyrus. And her dress is terrible. The end.
[Images via Getty]

1.) Whitney!

2.) Where do broken hearts go?
Harpo Studios, Chicago.

3.) Was Hailey Glassman on Monday's episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8?
While Kate was away shooting guns, Jon was playing dress up with his daughters, pulling from a bag of women's clothes that definitely were not his soon-to-be-ex-wife's. A girl in the background, with her face blurred out, was lending a helping hand.

Jon filled out his dress, nicely.

I love how one of the little girls ended up looking like Mary-Kate Olsen.

4.) David Rothenberg, grown up
When I was younger, I was obsessed with this TV movie David, starring Bernadette Peters.

It was based on the true story of David Rothenberg, who was only 6-years-old when his father tried to murder him by setting him on fire, and causing severe burns to over 90% of David's body.

The real David whom the movie was based on was befriended by Michael Jackson. David, now in his 30s, has lived a really private life (and changed his name to Dave Dave), but resurfaced this week when he attended—and spoke at—MJ's burial.

He also debunked rumors on Larry King Live.

5.) He's not angry, he's mad.
In other MJ news, Joe Jackson speaks out for the first time since the other times he spoke out.

6.) The poor girl's brother just died!
Alena Jenkins, the 19-year-old sister of Ryan Jenkins, was interviewed today on Good Morning America. Alena is the one who most likely drove her brother to the motel where he subsequently hung himself. While trying to be a hard-nosed journalist, this GMA reporter just ended up coming off like an insensitive ass.

7.) Maureen McCormick is losing weight for publicity…again.

She's also losing her mind.

8.) Who wants an Alter-Ego?

9.) "Her future ambition is to be a successful woman."
Crawl before you walk, bitch. God!

10.) "Limousines, Parties"
Did you know that the Daytime Emmy Awards is the most glamorous night in television?

Pure glamour!

[Los Angeles, August 26. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

The book went to press within 48 hours after the King of Pop's death, and rocketed to number one on the New York Times bestseller list last week. Hastily thrown together, Unmasked is rife with typos and questionable "anonymous sources." Shoddy, shady, and sleazy, I think I read it almost as quickly as author Ian Halperin typed it up.

Halperin claims that he started the project a while back because he was out to prove, once and for all, that Michael Jackson was a pedophile, but in his research, discovered that he was not. (The resulting work is pretty biased, but some evidence presented makes for some decent-albeit comparatively crude-rebuttals to Maureen Orth's thorough and persuasive reporting on Michael Jackson for Vanity Fair.)

Much has been made of Jackson's infamous sleepovers with young boys at his Neverland Ranch, and Mark Ronson, along with his friend Sean Lennon, participated in some of them. One anecdote of Ronson's - which he originally told on a British TV show - appears in the book:

We used to watch the porn channel because we were like, ten, and, 'Oh my God, tits!' So Michael was in bed. And me and Sean said, 'Michael, do you want to see something cool?' We turned the dial to the porn channel and there were strippers shaking their tits around. We were like, 'Michael, Michael, how cool is this?' We turned around and he was cringing, saying, 'Ooh, stop it, stop it, ooh, it's so silly.' We were like, 'Michael, you have to look, maybe you're not seeing it right, it's naked girls!' He was not down with the program whatsoever! I think he had really strong feminist views on porn.

He's cute. Anyway, while the story doesn't prove that Michael always behaved appropriately around his young guests, it does kind of point to something that I always thought: He was probably gay. Halperin thinks so, too. In fact, in his book, Halperin actually claims that Michael hit on him at a pizza parlor (more on that in sec).

Halperin claimed to have spoken to two of Michael's "gay lovers." (Redundant term!) One was a "Hollywood waiter, the other an aspiring actor." He claims to have seen photos "corroborating" the relationships. The best bit comes from "Lawrence," the actor:

He was very shy, but when he started to have sex, he was insatiable. He was a bottom, but he was so thin, I worried that I would break him. The very first time he blew me, he said, 'The King of Pop's going to lick your lollipop.' I still laugh thinking about that.

Me too.

One of Halperin's sources was supposedly someone who worked in Jackson's camp. The source tipped him off that Jackson and his children were going to a Hollywood pizza parlor, so Halperin "got in [his] hairdresser's disguise" and sped over there. Of the encounter Halperin said:

We talked about old Hollywood movies and hairstyles, which I had researched for months before I took on this undercover persona. Michael went on and on about the Hollywood hairstyles of the silver screen during the forties and fifties. 'No one has come along with such class and style since Deborah Kerr, Dorothy Lamour, and Susan Hayward,' he said…At one point during our conversation at the pizza joint, Jackson put his hand over mine. I then wondered if the singer was hitting on me. After staring at me for over a minute in complete silence, he told me my blue eyes reminded him of Frank Sinatra…It was one of the most intense moments I have ever experienced looking into another man's eyes.

This was also good:

I had been trying to persuade [Jackson] to change his look to a platinum blond wig with a streak of ocean-blue down the middle.

But my absolute favorite passage was in regards to Liza Minnelli. After failing to score an interview with Jackson's best friend Elizabeth Taylor, Halperin, again, went undercover as a gay hairdresser, and hung out at a dance rehearsal studio he knew Liza frequented, cornered her, and told her he had been Ava Gardner's hair and makeup artist before she died. That was the clincher, and Liza invited him to hang out with her in the back room of the studio, where she shared a joint with him and some other dancers. Despite the fact that she was stoned, Liza didn't really give up any of the goods on Jackson, but she still sounds like a fun hang:

I told her that Ava was a huge fan of Jackson and used to practice some of his dance moves. At that, she let out a trademark Liza Minnelli laugh. It proved to be infectious…especially after Liza stood up and did an impression of Ava Gardner attempting to moonwalk.

• Michael Jackson's family is reportedly ready to fight his ex-wife (and mother of two of his children) Debbie Rowe for custody, as they believe that Rowe was never truly involved and that the kids should stay "within the family."[TMZ]

• Jackson's autopsy has been inconclusive thus far; it will take six to eight weeks to determine the official cause of death, pending toxicology reports. [E!]
• ""When the autopsy comes, all hell's going to break loose, so thank God we're celebrating him now," -Liza Minnelli [ShowbizSpy]
• Police have removed a car belonging to Dr. Conrad Murray, the last person to reportedly see Michael Jackson alive, because "it might contain evidence." [TMZ]
• Murray allegedly sent a letter to his patients 11 days ago, telling them he was "indefinitely" leaving his medical practice. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, fans are snapping up Jackson's music; on Friday, he had 9 of the top 10 albums on ITunes and "Amazon sold more Jackson merchandise in the past 24 hours than in the prior 11 years." [Yahoo]
• Magician Ed Alonzo, whom you might remember as Max from Saved by the Bell, was preparing to work his magic at Jackson's upcoming tour, and says the night before Jackson died, he seemed fine at rehearsals. "He looked great and these pop-locking moves that he was doing on stage with the crew were just breathtaking... He didn't seem tired. He went from one move to the next. It was an unbelievable experience to be with him and to see it all come together."[USWeekly]
• "When you drove up there were baby elephants and chimpanzees in overalls, and there was all the rides. It was everything you can possibly imagine. The memories I have from that place will last for the rest of my life."- Kim Kardashian on her memories of Neverland Ranch. [People]
• Fans were not pleased with Alessandra Stanley's tribute to Farrah Fawcett in the New York Times, which seemed to blame Fawcett for her own cancer. In writing about Fawcett's final special, Stanley notes that she "never made the public service point that . . . the HPV vaccine is the most promising form of prevention against this type of cancer, which in most cases is sexually acquired." [NYPost]
• "I'm cool with my body, and I'm cool running around undressed and all that stuff, but there are just certain things that not everyone needs to know, that you need to keep somehow private and personal to you. But you never know, you never know. I could be 30 years old and just be like, 'Screw it-I want to take it all off. I better take a picture of this baby before it all goes."- Hayden Panettiere [E!]
• Surprising their fans, Spoon has announced that they'll be releasing a new EP this Tuesday. [EW]
• The Mighty Boosh plan to split in because Julian Barratt reportedly wishes to spend more time with his partner, Julia Davis and their children, while Noel Fielding "still loves the gig scene." [TheSun]
• Coolio will enter an 18-month rehab program in order to avoid jail time after pleading guilty to possession of cocaine.[Reuters]
• Evan Rachel Wood and Alan Cumming have been tapped to star in the Broadway adaptation of Spider-Man, which will be directed by Julie Taymor. Wood will play Mary Jane Watson; Cumming will play the Green Goblin. [Variety]
• Richard Dreyfuss has devoted himself to the revival of civics education in schools, as he believes its necessary for children to learn the importance of getting involved. [USAToday]
• Is Emma Watson trading in her Hogwarts robes for a stint at Columbia? [DailyExpress]
• Blind Item: "Which actor just had a baby with his girlfriend, but behind her back is having an affair with his fellow actor friend?" [BlindGossip]
• Heidi Fleiss is planning on marrying Dennis Hof owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch: "I'm proud to say that I'm clean and sober, and I'm finally ready to make a commitment to one man - and that's Dennis. It's going to be my first and only wedding, so it's going to be fabulous." [DailyExpress]
• Faith Hill and Tim McGraw "waited in line just like everybody else at the opening of the new Titanic exhibition at Discovery Times Square" with their children the other day and were reportedly very nice to fans. [PageSix]
• Former Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson is getting married today, and fellow ex-GND Holly Madison says"she's probably nervous," but that the ceremony is "going to be really beautiful and touching." [People]
• "I can't think of myself in terms of celebrity. It's just too weird. If the choice is between being gawked at and sitting in a chair in a dark room, I prefer the dark room."-Johnny Depp. You guys wouldn't happen to have a dark room that Johnny Depp could just make hide out in, would you? [ShowbizSpy]

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

[Paris, May 12. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[New York, April 20. Image via Getty]

• Russell Crowe has gone a bit mad on the set of Nottingham, throwing the film into a state of chaos. The star is demanding re-writes and reportedly trying to get director Ridley Scott fired. [PageSix]

• Yikes: Crowe's weight is also becoming a problem, leading Sienna Miller to leave the film entirely. The love scenes between the two were apparently "a mess. Russell never lost the weight he put on for 'Body of Evidence' - and so the love scenes between him and Sienna would have been laughable. He's so old and fat and she's so young and gorgeous. It's just . . . gross." [PageSix]
• Drew Barrymore isn't too thrilled about today's dating world: "When I first started dating, it was like the Pony Express. We had to be frickin' patient. And now everything is instantaneous. It's too much! Where is old-fashioned romance and a little bit of mystery?" She then went off to give her 18,982th interview entitled, "Drew In Love!" wherein she spilled all of her secrets about the 18,982th "love of her life."[PageSix]
• Meanwhile, Drew's BFF Cameron Diaz may be getting married to her boyfriend, Paul Sculfor: "Cameron and Paul are having a wonderful time and don't want to spoil it by pushing things, but they have used the m-word occasionally," says a source, "They're playing house in a serious way - both openly admit marriage scares them but they are very much in love and the subject has come up."[ShowbizSpy]
• The original Girls Next Door are no more: Bridget Marquardt is finally leaving the Playboy Mansion. ""It's unrelated to Holly and Kendra moving out," Marquardt says, "Hef and I have a really special relationship. This all has nothing to do with my feelings for Hef. I care about him very much. It's just a good time for me to become my own person."[USMagazine]
• Robert Pattinson credits James Dean with his on-screen success: "I tried copying James Dean's accent just because I've always wanted James Dean's voice,"Pattinson says, "I think that is why it has worked. Everyone loves a bit of James Dean." Or perhaps "it has worked" because there are crazy women out there who actually think you're a sparkly vampire, no? [ShowbizSpy]
• Gael Garcia Bernal is a (dreamy) dad: he and his girlfriend, Dolores Fonzi, welcomed a son this week. [USMagazine]
• Britney Spears is reportedly "spying" on her ex, Kevin Federline, and his new girlfriend, Victoria Prince. "Britney has asked her boys what Victoria is like and if she spends the night," says a source, "She has also asked her bodyguards to milk information out of Kevin's bodyguards and quizzed his nanny and friends. She's been texting people, asking what's up with him and Victoria." [ShowbizSpy]
• Singer Jill Scott is pregnant with her first child. "The first trimester I spent in Botswana," Scott says, "That was one of the biggest challenges of my life. First trimester! You're sick every morning. It was seven hours time difference, the heat, the bugs, the 14 hour days." [People]
• In awesome band news: the Fleet Foxes will be making an appearance on SNL on January 17. [Pitchfork]
• But perhaps even more awesome is the fact that Liza Minelli will be making a guest appearance on tonight's SNL, which is being hosted by Neil Patrick Harris. Madness! [Broadway World]
• Pixie Geldof will be following her sister, Peaches, in posing in her underwear for Agent Provacateur. Meanwhile, my sister will be following in my footsteps by eating Oreos and chocolate milk for breakfast. [DailyMail]
• Lindsay Lohan says her partying past gets in the way of people taking her seriously: "hat hurts me the most is that I work just as hard as any other actress around my age, like Scarlett Johansson, but I just don't get the opportunities that they get. People are so distracted by the mess that I created in my life. But that doesn't mean it's going to last forever."[TheSun]
• Seth Rogen has written an episode of the Simpsons and will be adding his voice to the episode as well: "He wrote an episode we'll be reading soon, where Comic Book Guy creates a superhero comic which then gets made into a feature film," Matt Groening says, "Homer plays the lead and, to slim down, Seth Rogen will play his personal trainer." Whatever! We all know that Homer prefers to slim down by unleashing the awesome power of apples. [E!]
• Is Wilmer Valderrama dating Pink!? [Celebuzz]
• Sandra Bullock may be signing up for Speed 3:"Producers are looking at a lot of old franchises in order to secure box office hits and Speed is just one of those," a source says, "Sandra is still a popular star and another Speed movie is there for her should she want to do it. It would be a modern twist on the old theme." Meh. Can't we just get a While You Were Sleeping 2 instead? [ShowbizSpy]
• Wacky brides have no chance against a cranky Clint Eastwood with a shotgun: Gran Torino beat Bride Wars at the box office on Friday, bringing in $9.8 million— $1.8 million more than the Hathaway/Hudson mess. Your flower power is no match for his glower power![DeadlineHollywood]
• And finally, with what is perhaps the most hilarious opening line of the year, the Associated Press tells us that "R. Kelly can officially bump and grind with whomever he chooses: He has finalized his divorce from his wife." The accompanying headline? "R.Kelly No Longer Trapped In Marriage." Tremendous![NYTimes]

• Even though AMC has "formally exercised" its option for a third season of Mad Men, Producer Lionsgate and network AMC not only have no contract with series creator Matthew Weiner, they have not made deals with the cast, either! What will become of Don Draper? [Fox 411, Variety]
• Oh, Mad Men star John Slattery was overheard trashing other actors while having dinner in New York: "De Niro's a jerk!" he said. And! "I was thinking about doing something with [Al Pacino], but I was told to run - not walk - away from him, he's so unbearable." [Rush & Molloy]
• Angelina Jolie plans to adopt another Ethiopian baby in the New Year, to "bond" with daughter Zahara. [Mirror]
• John Mayer is winning Jennifer Aniston back with "soppy texts." A source says "He has even written a song about their time together and played it to Jennifer who, naturally, was incredibly touched." [Mirror]

• Speaking of texts, Paris Hilton has been texting Prince William after meeting him in a club. She invited him to a club opening in Las Vegas; he declined but is "up for a few drinks" the next time she's in town. [Mirror]
• Sam Ronson bought Lindsay Lohan a "£15,000 Ferrari red diamond encrusted Tiret," which is, apparently, a watch. [Mirror]
• Uh-oh, Sam and Lindsay had a fight on an Acela train to Washington! LL was "whining incessantly." When Lindsay would get up, Samantha would sigh and put her sweatshirt hood back up. Oh, and at some point, Lindsay said to Sam: "Don't fucking lie to me!" [Page Six]
• David Duchovny's 28-year-old Hungarian tennis coach, Edit Pakay, was asked if she'd had an affair with Duchovny. She answered: "I don't want to say anything that might hurt David. I am not going to deny it. I don't know what our relationship means to him." [Daily Mail]
• Ooh, Harper's Bazaar editor Glenda Bailey liked Kenley's designs best on Project Runway and thinks it's a shame she didn't win! Also, the post calls Leanne the "viewer favorite," even though the "fan favorite" was Korto, hello? [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate Olsen and some friends ate at a restaurant in NYC and left a big tip — as well as a wad of chewing gum — on the table. [Page Six]
• Madonna's divorce case will claim that Guy Ritchie was cruel and verbally abusive to her. A source says: "She is alleging he would tell her that she really should give up the live touring and that she 'looked like a granny' compared to the nubile youngsters dancing with her on stage." [Daily Mail, NY Post]
• Seems like Madonna and A-Rod were getting together when his wife was seven months pregnant. He had this apartment he never told his wife about, and Madonna would meet him there. [Fox 411]
• David Banda's biological father, Yohane Banda, says if he had known Madonna had plans to divorce Ritchie, he never would have agreed to let the celebrity couple adopt his 3-year-old son. [UPI, Times Of London]
• Madonna's publicist, Liz Rosenberg, notorious for lying, says the divorce settlement has not been finalized. [AP]
• Guy Ritchie's dad says it was "horrid" to read about Madge calling his son an "emotional retard" in front of fans. [The Sun]
• Madonna says Guy was "against" the adoption of David Banda. [The Sun]
• Um, this report says that Madonna wants to have a natural child with A-Rod. A friend says: "She thinks he's physically a great specimen. And if she is going to have another child, he would be the ideal man to bring one to her." Gah. [Daily Mail]
• Madonna might not move to NYC after all; the kids are in school in London and she doesn't want to interfere with that. [Mirror]
• This report says Madonna thinks Guy is a gold-digger, and that the kids are home-schooled and go on the road with her. [The Sun]
• A source says of the Madonna/Guy split: "She’s got a team of Kabbalah advisers who guide her through her spiritual decisions. If they say something is justified, then she feels comfortable going ahead and doing it. It’s only going to get worse (the public jabs) if Kabbalah greenlights it. Expect ugliness of epic proportions." [MSNBC]
• Guy Ritchie maybe told friends that making love to Madonna was like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle." [Daily Mail]
• Nicole Richie is the happiest she's ever been. "Parenthood is easier than I thought. Everybody was saying, before giving birth, sleep now because you'll never sleep with a baby but she sleeps 12 hours a day and I'm sleeping, too. She's the sweetest little angel." [The Sun]
• The Lost Madonna Tapes. Early songs. [The Daily Beast]
• Russell Simmons has a "bunch of money" tied up in a Lehman Brothers fund in London, but he says: "I don't worry about it. I have lots of staff members; I want to make sure everyone keeps getting fed." He does worry about the five charities he heads. "I’m not going to cut down on them so I can have another ride on a private plane." [NY Mag]
• So the son of the Beckhams' housekeepers, who's being held in an eBay investigation, used to dress up in Beckham's suits. [Mirror]
• Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady: Getting hitched? They are planning a wedding reception at Tavern On The Green in NYC. [Page Six]
• Victoria Beckham arrived in Madrid and asked that her suite have "only white colors" in it. White candles and white roses. No word on whether she only let white people in. [Page Six]
• Tom Cruise was seen posing on the streets of New York with Suri Cruise. Walking slowly, stopping at the car with the door open, just letting the paparazzi get pictures. "Exploiting" his daughter? Or making sure the photogs get what they want so they don't jostle and follow the car? [Perez Hilton]
• At a listening party, rapper Q-Tip was asked if he really dated Nicole Kidman. He said: "Yes, I did. So what?" [LA Times]
• Sean Penn is visiting Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Again. The actor accompanied the President during the inspection of a natural gas pipeline on Sunday. [Yahoo News]
• Heidi Montag's ex-boyfriend, Jordan Eubanks, says: "Since dating Spencer [Pratt], Heidi's whole mentality has changed—everything has changed. She's done a total 180, and I think it's so sad." Plus! There's a pic of him with Heidi and she's got her old nose and boobs. [E!]
• Chris Martin was being interviewed and talking about how Gwyneth told him he could only leave her if it was for one of the chicks in Girls Aloud. He told her that she could leave for Irish singers Westlife. The interviewer said, "You could have at least told her Brad Pitt." To which Martin replied, "She was engaged to him, you fucker." Then Martin punched the guy and called him a "cunt." [Jossip]
• Chris Martin says he was "just fooling around" when he punched the reporter. [Rush & Molloy]
• Don Cornelius of Soul Train was arrested over the weekend on suspicion of domestic violence. [AP]
• Katie Price, aka Jordan, has walked out on husband Peter Andre. She's on the cover of the UK version of OK!. [Perez Hilton]
• Actor Gale Harold, of Desperate Housewives and Queer As Folk, was in a serious motorcycle accident last week. He had swelling on the brain and a fractured shoulder but is expected to recover. [Star]
• Oi! Amy Winehouse and David Beckham have the UK's "most hated celebrity accents." [The Star]
• Eminem's new book includes thoughts about the 2006 shooting death of his close friend and fellow D12 rapper Proof: "I have never felt so much pain in my life. It was tough for me to even get out of bed, and I had days when I couldn't walk, let alone write a rhyme." [People]
• Andy Dick has been ordered by a court to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet for one year. Think he can last that long? [UPI]
• Ali Larter had an engagement party over the weekend. [People]
• Morgan Freeman has agreed to help kick off the first Blues at Moon Music Festival at Mississippi's Golden Moon Hotel and Casino in Choctaw, MS. [UPI]
• Sir Paul McCartney's new love, Nancy Shevell, has moved in. [The Sun]
• Headline of the day: "The Grandadiator: Russell Crowe's raging grandfather makes hellraising star look tame." [Daily Mail]
• Jeff Probst created a new show, Live Like You're Dying, for CBS. The gist: A person who has been given a terminal diagnosis with a finite amount of time to live will be taken "on the last adventure of their life." But it's not morbid! "The focus of the show is not death," says Probst. "The story we’re going tell is about living. This is a show that is intended to inspire everybody to get the most out of their lives every day." [EW]
• Carrie Fisher's memoir includes this info about Star Wars: She was looking at her white costume when director George Lucas said, "You can't wear a bra under that dress." "Why?" asked Fisher. "There's no underwear in space," he replied. [Page Six]
• Rihanna rode a Segway around the mall in Vegas, attempted to look cool while doing so. [Concrete Loop]
• A male friend of actress Bonnie Somerville was shot and wounded at a party in West Hollywood; it may have been a BB gun. [UPI]
• Jeremy Piven talks about being in Mamet's play Speed-The-Plow on Broadway: "I don’t think there would be an Entourage without David Mamet." [NY Times]
• Michael Kors: Spotted checking out pusses at the Cat Show in NYC! [Fey Friends]
• If Christie Brinkley's ex, Peter Cook, has a sex tape of himself with his teen mistress, it's a felony: She was 18 at the time and recorded without her knowledge. [NY Post]
• John Legend hearts Obama and the feeling is mutual. [Guardian]
• Liza Minnelli: On Broadway! Two weeks only! [Variety]
• Lily Tomlin wants Jenny, who's been working at the Dallas Zoo for 22 years, to retire. Jenny is a 32-year-old elephant; Tomlin wants her sent to a sanctuary. [MSNBC]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood cheated on his wife with Kelly LeBrock…in 1981. [Daily Mail]
• "I never got introduced to [Bond creator Ian Fleming] until I was well into the movie but I know he was not happy with me as the choice. What was it he called me, or told somebody? That I was an over-developed stunt man. He never said it to me. When I did eventually meet him he was very interesting, erudite and a snob – a real snob." — Sean Connery, recalling filming Dr. No. [Daily Express]

[Rome, October 2. Image via x17]

• Britney Spears missed her deposition yesterday because she was freaking the fuck out. Her "friend" Sam Lufti said, "She's sick, both physically and high anxiety. Millions of press outside. It's too much." And yet she makes it to Starbucks. [People]
  
• And Brit may call in sick again, says a source. She doesn't think it's a big deal and feels "like she didn't have to do something just because she was told." [MSNBC]
  
• Blue Christmas! Britney may not spend the holiday with her sons — Kevin Federline's lawyer is threatening to ask the judge to take away her visitation rights. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Eva Longoria's husband Tony Parker is not having an affair, says Tony Parker. [People]
  
• Liza Minnelli collapsed during a show in Sweden! She fell off the side of the stage but was caught by a technician. Don't work too hard, Miss With A Zee! [Reuters]

• Baby Spice tumbled on stage! Emma Bunton sprained her ankle at the Las Vegas Spice Girls show and is now on crutches. [Daily Mail]
• Producers were "frantically calling publicists" before Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port from The Hills went to Paris "to see if anyone knew any guys to set the girls up with ... If they had a love affair there, then it would look better," says a source. Pimpin' ain't easy! [Page Six]
• Sex And The City sequel? Maybe! "They want it to be a franchise and think they can stretch it over at least three movies," says a source. For the love of Christmas. Let it be. [Page Six]
• Janice Dickinson has a sister? And she's a model??? [Page Six]
• J.R. Rotem, the father of Britney Spears' nonexistent fetus, is a jerk, but, yeah, you knew that. [Page Six]
• There's tension on the set of Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn's new movie, mostly because she's a perfectionist and he's a slacker. [Gatecrasher]
• The scene: Fancy restaurant. The scenario: The chef sends out special dishes as a treat. Padma Lakshmi to the waiter: "Take it away! Don't you know I'm on a diet?" [Gatecrasher]
• Mario Lopez hosted a contest in Las Vegas called "Boobs or Bust," in which women competed for a $5,000 toward a breast augmentation. Classy! [Rush & Molloy, last item]
• Benjamin Bratt's nephew Kristopher was killed yesterday in San Francisco: A stolen car being pursued by police ran a red light and plowed into the 20-year-old's car. [TMZ]
• Katie Holmes on her marriage to Tom Cruise: "It has made my life." Zombie bride! [People]
• JK Rowling's parents dressed her in blue when she was little. Her sister got to wear pink but "I was supposed to be the boy," she says. [Daily Express]
• Uh, Johnny Depp may play Pee-Wee in the movie version of Pee-Wee's playhouse? So crazy it just might work. Especially if Tim Burton is on board. [MSNBC, 3rd item]
• Tara Reid's body is a mess and it's all her fault! (Botched lipo.) [Daily Mail]