• "Designer" Anand Jon has been sentenced to 59 years in prison for multiple rapes. [Times of India]
• Seems Naomi Campbell would, in fact, rather wear fur than go naked: the one-time PETA campaigner models furs for Dennis Basso. [Daily Mail]

• The judge who sentenced Anand Jon declares that the designer, who apparently lured dozens of young girls with promises of photo shoots and exposure, "shows no remorse." Said one accuser: "I was 14. You took my adolescence, my trust, my dream and completely manipulated them for your sexual desires...It sickens me that a grown man can do such a thing to a girl, a girl who was naive and had the belief that all people were good. And you took that to your advantage." [<MSNBC]
• Al Roker is starting a clothing line. Don't worry: it's rain gear! [WWD]
• The long-awaited Jimmy Choo-H&M collab images have leaked, and...well. Barbarella will be pleased. [Racked]
• The WTO has weighed in on the US-Brazil cotton dispute, saying Brazil can "target U.S. goods and services for punitive sanctions approaching $295 million." [WWD]
• In the new "Celebration" video, Madonna sports Balmain. This is all. [Telegraph]
• Rodarte, the movie? The Sisters Mulleavy have signed with William Morris Endeavor, to "advise the label on opportunities in publishing and film and identify potential strategic partnerships and sponsorships." We're seeing a lot of intricate deconstruction. [WWD]
• And...blind item! "Courtney Love was so enamored with which design team that she wrote them an "inspiration check" for $25,000 within a few minutes of meeting them?" [Fashionista]
• Speaking of acting (?) here's Daisy Lowe: "
  I just did a cool film for the band Noah and the Whale. It's really f—-ing great, excuse my language. It's for their new album, and I play the main love interest who breaks the guy's heart. It was my first taste of acting, and I really did enjoy it. I don't know if I'll ever just act though; honestly, I think I'll always do a lot of things because I'd get bored otherwise." [W]
• Coco Rocha's contribution to Fashion's Night Out: jigging. [Sassybella]
• Levi's pays tribute to Ted Kennedy, with an ad bearing a quote from the senator and the words "Let us continue his legacy of faith in the people and faith in the work that has yet to be done." [AdRants]
• Speaking of good works: Venus Williams will be vedning a "green" tee at the US Open designed to combine her passions of "tennis, fashion and the environment." Some profits go to Unisphere Inc., which maintains the area surrounding Arthur Ashe. [WWD]
• PayLess is expanding to Russia. Unclear if this is a victory for the West, or if, somewhere, Lenin is laughing. [WSJ]
• Will the new L.L.Bean Signature line be the revolution the staid retailer hopes? Although designer Alex Carleton has an impressive resume, the company's description of the new line - "You can dress it up and you can dress it down. It will be for men and women: apparel, footwear, some accessories, a couple of outerwear pieces" - is so incredibly vague that it's impossible to know much. [NPR]
• After trying that non-traditional venues thing everyone did at the last Fashion Week, Vera Wang decided she wanted back into the tents. But they were all full! Oh noes! [WWD]
• And speaking of NYFW, Narciso Rodriguez is getting this year's "Mercedes-Benz Presents" honor. [WWD]
• And noted journalist Peaches Geldof will be covering things for GMTV, so. [The Sun]
• Also Whitney Port - who we thought was an "intern" - will be launching her collection, "Whitney Eve," at the tents. Maybe that's why Vera couldn't get in? [New York]
• If you spend upwards of $150 on accessories at SoCal Bloomies, you can - maybe - get into this private screening of The September Issue, where one assumes you'll be thoughtfully prevented from buying popcorn like the masses. [BrandFreak]
• Liz Smith pronounces the documentary "a work of modern art." Salt, anyone? [Variety]
• The movie had the 5th best opening of any documentary, ever. [IndieWire]
• Justin Timberlake on his fashion icons: "Early Elvis — not the Elvis of onesies, but with the pomaded hair and big collar, the rockabilly stuff. Also, Sinatra. Johnny Cash. My stepfather was one of my style icons growing up. He was a banker, and I used to love to watch the routine he would go through. He would lay out his suit and the power tie he wanted to wear the night before. I used to watch him tie his own ties in the morning before going to school. When you go through the ritual of buttoning a collar, tying a tie, spraying on a scent, and picking out the right socks — you walk out a little more confident." Talk about bringing sexy back. [Out.com]
• Wednesday sees the kick-off of Lara Stone's September curation of new online avant-boutique Not Just a Label. Looks like it'll be a nice virtual (window) shop! [Fashionista]
• Whoa. Barneys, which has been losing dosh of late, is trying to break with the Dubai-based company that bought it in 2007, via bankruptcy Filing or debt restructure. Brace yourselves. [NYT]
• More on Daniel Vosovic's capsule collection. Trust: even if you think Korto was robbed, this is good stuff. [Fabsugar]
• LVMH continues its crackdown on counterfeiters, winning $32.4 million from a web vendor. [FT]
• The Sartorialist, Scott Schuman, has made waves by posting the photo of a homeless man. Says the blogger, "I don't usually shoot homeless people. I don't find it romantic or appealing like a lot of street photographers, and if you asked homeless people they are probably not to happy about their situation either."But! "In my quick shot I had noticed his pale blue boots, what I hadn't noticed at first were the matching blue socks, blue trimmed gloves, and blue framed glasses. This shot isn't about fashion-but about someone who, while down on his luck, hasn't lost his need to communicate and express himself through style." What say you? [BlackBook]

• Lindsay Lohan is reportedly pissed that Katie Holmes is on Glamour's April cover; LL was under the impression that her Madonna shot would get the cover. Insiders say that was never gonna happen. [MSNBC Scoop]

• Evidence in the Chris Brown case includes Rihanna's blood-stained Gucci gown, which she wore to Clive Davis's pre-Grammy party the night of the incident. [E!]
• And now the DA has received the case from the LAPD. [TMZ]
• Attorneys for Chris Brown are in talks with the DA's office, hoping to cop a plea deal. They're pushing for probation instead of jail time. [E!]
• Reportedly, the night of the beating, Rihanna told cops that Chris Brown had been violent toward her in the past and things were getting "more violent" as time went on. Also, there are more photos — taken the next day — where the bruising and swelling on Rihanna's face is more severe. [TMZ]
• Did Rihanna recently tell cops she won't testify? [NY Post]
• Chris Brown may be in court today. [NY Post]
• How did the paparazzi know that Chris Brown was jet skiing in Miami? Did he call the photo agency? [Page Six]
• Breaking: Mercury-poisoned Jeremy Piven seen eating tuna tartare and calamari salad. Fishy! [MSNBC]
• Reese Witherspoon is on the cover of Elle magazine, and says of beau Jake Gyllenhaal: "He's fabulous. He really is a fantastic guy. Unfortunately, he's not in the movie, so we can't really talk about him." She also talks about being a young mom: "When I first had Ava, I couldn't afford [help]. And it was so hard. I was out in Los Angeles, living [away from my family]. I really didn't have any friends. And I had a baby. No one else who was 22 had a baby. I couldn't go out." [Just Jared]
• Katherine Heigl is being a diva on the set of her latest movie, Five Killers. An insider says: "She reportedly refused to film any scenes until her pregnant assistant ran around and got her a Coke Zero. She refused to eat lunch next to anyone or have anyone speak to her once the cameras stopped rolling." [NY Daily News]
• James Franco, actor and MFA candidate, who attends NYU and Columbia simultaneously, has sold a collection of short stories to Simon & Schuster. [The Daily Beast]
• Matt Damon is preparing for his role in a film about Nelson Mandela by doing rugby training. But he plays a rugby champ, so it's okay. [Telegraph]
• Hmm, Dakota Fanning is in negotiations to play lead singer Cheri Currie in The Runaways, the biopic of the '70s all-girl band. Can you see Dakota like this? Oh, and you know Kristen Stewart is playing Joan Jett, right? [Variety]
• Benicio Del Toro met with Venezuelan prez Hugo Chavez and said he "had a good time." "He's nice," Del Toro told journalists. [Mirror]
• Chris Martin says he's given Natalie Imbruglia "the best Coldplay song of all time." This should be interesting. [The Sun]
• Russell Brand has been seen "snogging a new girl." [The Sun]
• What's this? Ivana Trump's marriage to 36-year-old "Italian stallion" Rossano Rubicondi was a contract to get publicity for both of them? You don't say. [Gatecrasher]
• An episode of the Osbournes' reality show will air on March 31 after American Idol. The network is running it as a "special" and not a series, but we may see all six episodes, eventually. Yay? [Variety]
• Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino are suing a film distributor and watch company for ads tied to their film Righteous Kill. Endorsements without consent? [Reuters]
• Liz Smith talks to Sharon Stone about her upcoming projects; apparently Stone has two flicks coming out — one with Christopher Walken; the other with Va; Kilmer and 50 Cent. Of Fiddy, Stone says: "He is smoking hot, brilliant!" [Variety]
• Nia Vardalos of My Big Fat Greek Wedding has a new flick set in Greece. Her character, Georgia, "moves on a whim to Greece, and [tour guide] is the only job she could get," she explains. "She is a history professor who is all about facts and figures," which only bores the tourists. "All they want is a T-shirt of the Parthenon." [USA Today]
• Michael Jackson lawsuit of the day: He's suing an auction house which is selling off his personal possessions. [AP]
• By the by, Michael Jackson's first show at London's O2 arena is July 9. [Fox 411]
• Sofia Coppola and John Waters were both spotted at the Armory Art Show in New York. Why they were there on a "press preview" day is questionable. [Mediabistro]
• Chris Isaak's has a show on the BIO channel, and his cohost is a dog named Rodney. "Rodney is not 'my' dog, because you can't own a living thing, OK," he says. "We're friends" — then Isaak breaks into song. [CNN]
• Jerry Hall, 52, plays an older lady toying with a younger man in her new Chanel ads, but says she wouldn't date a dude in his twenties: "They listen to such horrible music. They haven't the same references… And I find it a bit creepy if you're having sex with people the same age as your children." The ads are hot, though. [Daily Mail]
• People paid money to see a Toni Braxton show, and got a "Toni Braxton" show — the lady on stage was an impersonator. [TMZ]
• Kirk Douglas, 92, stars in a one man show. [AP]
• Johnny Depp's half-brother, Daniel Depp, a screenwriter, has just released his first book, a thriller/detective novel set in L.A. [USA Today]
• Great piece on the legendary Blake Edwards — responsible for flicks like Breakfast At Tiffany's and the original Pink Panther movie. He says: "I enjoy laughter. And I really, truly feel that if there were some way to distill it, that you could go to your local pharmacy and ask for 16 ounces of Pure Pratfall, I'd probably make it to 110. I think it's the best medicine in the world." [WSJ]
• Contrary to reports, Ed McMahon is not dead. [Perez]
• RIP Horton Foote, screenwriter of Tender Mercies and To Kill A Mockingbird. [USA Today]
• Blind item: "Which closeted jack-of-all-trades just became secretly engaged to her girlfriend? Word is, the two will wed soon in N.J." [Gatecrasher]
• "I've since found out Rihanna's got the same thing, so it's not really – I mean she's very cool – but I thought I was being original." — Lily Allen, sort of regretting her "shh" tattoo. [News.com.au]
• "I did not enter into motherhood with any sense of equanimity or grace," she adds with a laugh. "I'm surrounded by women who are much better mothers than I am, and they come to it much more naturally." — Felicity Huffman. [LA Times]
• "Meryl is really amazing and she has done some interesting stuff, but it's just she doesn't leave a lot of roles for the rest of us. It's an ongoing problem getting parts for older women." — the amazing Miranda Richardson, who is in The Young Victoria and whom you may have seen in The Phantom Of The Opera, The Hours, Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Fire or Sleepy Hollow. [Telegraph]
• "I don't think I'm a control freak. I think I'm just fearful. I operate from a lot of fear, like, of things being lost or forgotten or neglected. Losing the spiritual rather than the physical. It's so funny to me that somehow I've been portrayed as a very, like, closed-off or uptight person. I'm very open." — Reese Witherspoon, in Elle. [Just Jared]
• "It was very cool. He called and said, 'Would you mind getting on the phone with my son?' I felt like Yoda to young Skywalker." — Ralph Macchio, on speaking to Will Smith and son Jaden about their Karate Kid remake. [E!]
• "When I started Home [collection] they thought, 'who is this "Charlie's Angel" telling us about furniture and antiques?' But once you really know what you are talking about, it does not take long for people to recognize that. It is all about backing it up with knowledge. But in the business world, as a woman, you really do have to represent yourself in the proper way otherwise you won't be taken seriously." — Jaclyn Smith, on her KMart line, which is doing extremely well.
  [Reuters]
• "I'll be totally honest: That was his idea. He just sort of said, 'Hey, I'm gonna do this - I hope you're cool with it.' And I thought, 'OK, well, I mean, he's good and he's a talented guy and it wouldn't hurt having him in the movie. I suppose yeah, OK, sure.'" — Colin Hanks, on his father, Tom, playing his dad in new flick The Great Buck Howard. [WWD]

• Rihanna is currently on a beach in Mexico, and this picture on the cover of the NY Daily News is the first we've seen of her in a long while. [NY Daily News]

• Chris Brown's March 5 arraignment may be postponed because the LAPD is still investigating the case. A source told E! News, "The D.A. is being even more thorough than usual with this case. They don't want to mess it up." [E!]
• Kevin Federline is starting his own children's clothing line because he doesn't want to pay a lot for jeans. He says: "It's a really tough business, I'm trying to take it seriously and make a quality product for kids but not have parents pay like $500 or something ridiculous for a pair of jeans. You buy your kids a pair of True Religions, then they roll around in the dirt like kids do and a $200 pair of jeans is gone. With this economy, I'm looking to do something much more reasonable." Uh… All you have to do is shop at The Children's Place or Old Navy or Target or somewhere they don't sell True Religion for children. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Meanwhile, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are suing baby buggy company Silver Cross, claiming the manufacturer unlawfully used a picture of the celebrity parents pushing twins Emme and Max in their strollers. Don't you know if you want J. Lo and Marc to endorse your product, you have to pay? [E!]
• It's hard to focus on this story about how Lily Allen likes naked lapdances and partying with Lindsay Lohan because the picture of Lily and Lindsay wearing black masks and showing off their "shh" tattoos is oddly mesmerizing. Question: Did we ever figure out what LL meant when she said the "shh" tattoo was a "woman empowerment thing"? [The Sun]
• Katie Holmes may be working on a flick in New York, but she plays "fourth fiddle" behind Kevin Kline, Paul Dano and John C. Reilly. Fox's Roger Friedman calls her movie career "over." [Fox 411]
• Slumdog's Dev Patel is in talks to appear on the real Who Wants To Be A Millionaire to raise cash for kids living on the streets. [The Sun]
• What's next for the stars of Slumdog? Lots more movies. [NY Daily News]
• Madonna is helping Rosie O'Donnell get through menopause. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Dita Von Teese signed a record deal. She will be singing now. Of course, she won't be warbling "All The Single Ladies" or anything: She plans to cover Irving Berlin's "Lazy." [E!]
• Keira Knightley was to play Cordelia in a £25 million film version of King Lear, but it's been scrapped. [Telegraph]
• Peaches Geldof was not allowed to drink at the NME awards; she placed an alcohol ban on herself. [Daily Mail]
• Jay Leno was questioned by a Writers Guild panel yesterday; they are trying to determine if he violated strike rules by delivering a monologue last year (during the strike). [Variety]
• LOL: Ever since Kellogg's dumped Michael Phelps, there have been oodles of negative stories about the brand. [Silicon Alley Insider]
• DMX is in jail, where he is not behaving himself: He stole a tray of food from the dining hall and threw it at a corrections officer. How would they handle this on Oz? [Perez]
• Chris Isaak has his own talk show, The Chris Isaak Hour, on the Bio channel. It starts tonight! Guests play songs and chat and hang out with Chris's dog. [USA Today]
• If you get divorced, the guys you date afterward, who put a "spark" back in your heartbroken life — Jennifer Aniston calls them "defibrillator men." [Daily Mail]
• "Big Poppa" has moved in with Real Housewives' Kim Zolciak. Yeah, he's married. [NY Daily News]
• In case you've been wondering what the hell she's been up to, Kate Bosworth is producing the film based on a book called Lost Girls and Love Hotels. [Gatecrasher]
• What the world needs now: A Jerry Seinfeld marriage-oriented reality show. Celebs, comedians and athletes will "judge couples in the midst of marital disputes while recommending various strategies to resolve their problems." I thee dread! [Hollywood Reporter]
• Brenda Blethyn opened a new library in her hometown and paid a fine for a book she borrowed 50 years ago. Bet Hortense loves this one. [The Sun]
• Clint Eastwood is the second person ever to received a lifetime achievement honor from the organizers of the Cannes Film Festival; he hot the Palme D'Or yesterday. Ingmar Bergman got one in 1997. [Reuters]
• The James Brown museum may be on hold, but there is a James Brown exhibit at South Carolina State University. See glittering suits and glossy shoes and the comb he used to neatly sculpt his hair. [AP]
• Star Jones's ex, Al Reynolds, is maybe getting engaged again, if you care. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which sleazy reality star is going to have a cow when he finds out there's a sex tape of him floating around? In it, he's having a threesome with his very best friend." [Gatecrasher]
• "I'm probably a little bit shocked but I remember the overwhelming thing was feeling like I was just floating on a cloud. I went into that event knowing that was my last rally but no one else knew that. So when I crashed and I realised we were both OK, it was a massive relief." — Eric Bana, on crashing his race car during a Tasmanian rally. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I sincerely hope that this tragedy will make people realize that great apes should never be kept as pets or exploited for films, television, or advertising. Their lives are miserable from the day that they are taken from their mothers... until they are cast off to roadside zoos or meet a violent end, as Travis did in this tragic case." — Anjelica Huston, on the chimpanzee attack. [Daily Express]
• "I think that at 12:30, either you're awake or you're not. I don't think the 10 p.m. will affect me at all. If we can do decent ratings, hold on to Conan's numbers, I'll be happy. It's a marathon, not a race. It's a long, long thing if it's going to work." — Jimmy Fallon. [USA Today]
• "The stars made by television who were once so big you just couldn't believe it-Johnny Carson, Carol Burnett, people like that, Sid Caesar-they were enormous stars made by television, but there were lots of real stars in America. Now everything is so vitiated because there is so much media, if we want to dignify a lot of it, it begins to just all run together. At least when you said "Clark Gable" or "Elizabeth Taylor" or "Katharine Hepburn," you knew exactly who you were talking about, you didn't have to explain them. Now you have to talk about people like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears and the people on the American Idol. I mean, it's very diminished in quality, I guess is what I'd say, the quality of stardom. Because I don't know who most of those people are. I'm not kidding! I read Page Six mystified every day, and everybody I talk to agrees with me. They don't know who anybody is." — Liz Smith. [The Daily Beast]
• "A real gossip story is Lana Turner's daughter killing Johnny Stompanato. It had all kinds of tragic ramifications-celebrity, sex, a little girl involved and so forth. I mean, who cares if somebody you've never heard of is sniffing cocaine in a bathroom down in Soho? That's the level of gossip today. There seems to me to be no real stories and the real ones all appear in the headlines-A-Rod taking steroids, though why anybody gives a shit I don't understand. You know, the real story of this year is Bernie Madoff, and betrayal, disaster and everything else, lives being smashed and ruined by somebody's criminal activity. But gossip? Even the ‘90s are beginning to look good." — Liz Smith. [The Daily Beast]
• "I thought that was something that you could use for humor, like any other comedian or someone else would utilize current events. After I saw the photographs of Rihanna, that wasn't funny anymore. There's a point you're already past a woman fighting you back. You look at (the photograph), and it obviously went past that point, so there's some issues there that definitely gotta be addressed. Not to take any shots at Chris or Rihanna or to take sides in any way, but it's really not cool. It's not funny at all anymore. That's why there won't be no more references to that from me in any way." — 50 Cent, who initially mocked the Rihanna/Chris Brown incident with a "Street Fighter"- like characters in an animated video. [MSNBC]
• "I was average. I had a lot of friends but I was not in that ultra cool circle. I was a bit of a class clown. I guess to get through the tedium of the quadratic formula, I thought everyone was fair game. Between self-discovery and the social hierarchy, high school can be the most confusing time of your life." — Zac Efron. [Mirror]
• "I'm so negative against her. She just shouldn't have any of those children as far as I'm concerned. I know that's going to get me in a whole mess of trouble, but I don't know where her mind is. She says the strangest things. I don't think she's doing drugs, but she acts like someone who is not of this world. It's like, 'hello, come down to Planet Earth with the rest of us!'" —Cher, on Nadya Suleman. [USA Today via ET]
• "My mom is like this hard-core, liberal feminist. She's a professor in Boston, and she's been teaching women's studies for 30 years and international politics. So I've traveled, and I've heard so many women's stories, and I've heard stories of really, really hard lives. And I just feel like there are so many stories to be told, and it's hard to find someone who can sort of intertwine them with the right kind of action and suspense and use genius metaphors ... while striking a chord with the universal theme of the search for one's true identity. I asked Joss [Whedon] to create it with me and for me, and it was really special to me." — Eliza Dushku, star of Dollhouse. [USA Today]

It's easy to "get" guys like Charlie Rose, Bill Clinton and Paul Newman. Richard Branson has a je ne sais quois, so does Vernon Jordan. Richard Gere, Robert Redford, Patrick Stewart and Denzel Washington make sense. But did the ladies run out of steam? Because: Steven Tyler.

Liz Smith claims what makes a man sexy is "No sense of desperation." wowOwow’s Joan Ganz Cooney says: "Sexy at any age is a man who makes me laugh and seems a little dangerous." Well that explains why Keith Richards is on the list. Talk about laugh out loud! And he does seem dangerous. Commenter Lorraine Bates wrote, "Keith Richards?? Somebody smokes what he does…"

50 Sexiest Men Over 50: wowOwow's 2008 50-Over-50 List, 50 Sexiest Men Over 50 (slideshow) [WowOwoW]

• We're not gonna lie, there was some gawking at Olympic bods 'round these parts.
• But there was also grinning at gymnasts, thrilling wins from Michael Phelps, controversies over the Chinese and Golden Girls all around.
• Jennifer Love Hewitt wants you to kiss her ass. But only if it's skinny!
• Speaking of ass masters, don't miss our interview with Margaret Cho.
• Moddles got lost in teh soopermarket, kan no longer shop hapully.
• We, however, can shop happily for Mad Men-inspired 60s duds.

• We love the moddle in September's Glamour, Sabina Karlsson. Get a load of them freckles, folks!
• We let you explore our (ice) boxes.
• It's the weekend, guys! So poop wherever your heart desires, and follow Liz Smith's lead: gin and Snickers for all!

Joni Evans's explanation: "Some say I have a drinking problem."

The other ladies of WowOWow have interesting refrigerators — there's a true "ice box" and Mary Wells has Sub-Zeroes on her yacht, called Strangelove, which caused my brain to explode from jealousy and recession fatigue.

Naturally, we had to share our refrigerator pictures with you.

Anna's refrigerator:
Anna swears: "A lot of it is old stuff."

Maria's fridge:
Maria says: "Keep in mind that any all dairy products in there are about 3 months old. I really need to clean it out."

Megan's refrigerator:
"That on the bottom is yogurt, bacon, and prosciutto," Megan claims.

Jessica's fridge:
"My dude just did a major food shop. He got the rotisserie chicken just for me, because I am obsessed with rotisserie chicken. Tracie said I'm like Brittany Murphy's character in Girl, Interrupted. There's also blueberries and a lot of champagne that our upstairs neighbors bequeathed to us when they moved," Jess says.

Tracie's:

Another view:
She explains: "I keep a lot of drinks in the house because I'm always dehydrated and I don't like water. Juice tastes better when you're hung over."

This is my refrigerator; I had to move clothes in order to open it:
Home made ice tea with the bags festering on the bottom. Water, tonic. Champagne. Spilled baking soda. Dog food, for the chihuahua I currently have custody of.

wOw Scenes: Our Refrigerators [WowOWow.com]

Earlier: What Does Your Desk Look Like?

It would never occur to me to lie about any of this shit, but then, I live in New York, where nothing is even quite expected of me at 29, except that I have quelled most of the anxieties associated with once having been deemed "precocious" and are therefore a decent drinking partner — that is a good assumption; you can't be precocious after 28 and that is a fucking giant relief — and maybe begun desiring babies and am therefore a perilous romantic partner (a poor assumption, I am a late bloomer though.)

At 29, everyone knows they can flatter the shit out of you by saying you look 24, and they do, but at 29 you can also talk most bouncers in New York out of needing to see the ID you keep losing because bouncers can see in your skin that you are not bullshitting them, you are what you say you are: old enough to drink prolifically and profitably with minimal incident; old enough to remember the lyrics to most modern rock hits from the years between 1989 and 1996.

Anyway, so 29 is a great year; what can I say.

A part of me would like to be 55 and menopausal and "fulfilled" by nothing more than egg sandwiches and Dinosaur Jr. songs, just to get over the disappointment already.

Another part of me thinks "wisdom" is just another word for "having re-learned the same five things the Hard Way so many times my abused and feeble mind has actually absorbed the memories" and that fucking yes, I should really start putting fortnightly facials on a charge card so I can pass for 29 in six years, because fucking hell if I trust my own intellect and work ethic to carry me.

And then there is the part of me that flatters myself into thinking that, you know, something has happened in these years that has been coherent and somehow unwasted and that it will lead to something somehow, that I will always feel exactly the age that I am even though I still occasionally date checks "2003," and that maybe I should stay in tonight and struggle with that for a moment.

But it is Friday.

This We Take From Satchel Paige: How Old Would You Be If You Didn't Know How Old You Were? [WoWoWow]
Put Justin Down Madonna; You're Old Enough To Be His Mother [Daily Mail]

Macy's?!? THE HORROR! The extra-moronic thing about that statement is that Macy's is popular and accessible. When you're creating a media property, those are qualities to aspire to, not denigrate. And most women, even Wowowow's target audience of successful women over-40, do not want to hear about how Halston lent Candice Bergen a "white mink bunny mask and strapless gown for Truman Capote's 1966 Black and White Ball," or how Joni Evans made an embarrassing gaffe at a party, "gushing to "Calvin Klein" about how she adored his designs, only to realize that she was gushing to Halston." You know why they don't want to hear about it? Because it's name-droppy and completely unrelatable to the average websurfer. And what do people look for in a web community? People who make them feel at home, not people who make them feel terminally unfabulous.

Finally, this site is doomed because the sort of women who would relate to funny little anecdotes about that fabulous night with Calvin and the boys at Studio 54 are not surfing the web all day. The Times piece makes it sound like Wowowow wants a readership much like themselves: "seasoned" women who "who broke through glass ceilings." And those women? Like the founders of wowowow, they're mostly "cyberneophytes" who probably delegate email reading to their personal assistants. Maybe a little bit of that "Macy's" flair could go a long way.

Boldface in Cyberspace: It's a Woman's Domain [New York Times]

What would you tell Paris Hilton to read in prison? I don't think Paris reads! I think if some guy is shtupping you up the backside and you're being filmed and you can wave at the camera, you have a certain insouciance, to say the least.

You And Me And Liz Smith [NYMag]