11:11 Haha! Mariah said, "I have enjoyed you profusely!" That woman lives by the thesaurus. But on that note, I have enjoyed this night profusely, even though I bitched in the beginning. Thanks for refreshing! I'm peacing. I've been on this computer since 7 am. DONE!

11:08 OK, now I'm gonna have to subject my dog to "We Belong Together." It might be one of my favorite songs ever. I'm not kidding.

11:03 The sound on this is all fucked up! It sounds like they don't have it patched in or whatever, and they're just picking up the sound in the venue. Also, Mimi can't hit those notes. It's weird.

11:02 Oh! Excited for Justin Bobby to return! Excited for Heidi and Audrina being chummy! Excited for more She Pratt!

10:58 Whitney says her soft g's weird, like they're k's. And I have a feeling that we're gonna be hearing a lot of her new "stylink" goals in eps to come.

10:55 Uh, who's the dude sitting behind Mimi, Lauren, and Aussie?

10:50 OK, this just got as ridiculous as it could possible get. The French dude is gonna take her around Paris at midnight on a motorcycle while she's wearing a ball gown?

10:41 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! OMG, you just know that the MTV producers did that to her dress.

10:35 I am so into this girl from Yelle. She's such a spaz, I love it! She reminds me exactly of my sister when she was like 7.

10:30 Wow, this scene with Spencer and Heidi and her parents is SO awkward.

10:29 Oh boy. This ball gown altering plan is going to end very badly—as per the script.

10:25 I made my dawg sit in front of me and be my audience while I sang The Hills theme song to her and then I took pictures. Clearly she's unimpressed with me.

10:21 Two things: These dudes from the band are adorbz; and Lauren looks great in red lipstick.

10:19: LOLOLOLOLOL!!! I love that Heidi's hometown is called Crested Butte, because all I can think of is Crusted Butt.

10:18: I really love Whitney's pink dress here.

10:17 I don't know if I really understand what this ball is. I thought it was a fashion thing.

10:10 This Dove mini show thing is weird. OMG! I went on a date at the restaurant their eating in! My boss showed up (not Anna), sat down, and ate some of our lobster ceviche and then pointed out, in front of my date, that the wine that I was ordering was expensive. The food was really good.

10:09 I'm so glad that She Pratt is a regular now. What is the deal with these two? Like does Spencer feed her lines?

10:03 I'm loving Whitney's hat. Lauren is wearing that Betsey Johnson dress. That would look like maternity wear on me.

10:00 OMG! Mimi's gold jacket is very...labial.

9:59: I'm going to have to sing "Unwritten" alone. My dog always looks at me like I'm nuts when I doshit like that.

9:50 Can we just talk for a minute about these chicks modeling their outfits between commercial breaks? Why is that happening.

9:32 OK, I'm gonna go there and ask what the fuck this meebo business is? You know, not for nothing, but I do these live blogs to facilitate a convo here, and I think it's weird that some commenters agree to go somewhere else "private." Also, I'll put this out there: My ass gets money per page view. That might sound mercenary or whatevs, but it's true and I'm like, what am I doing with 2 hours of my life, off hours, not eating my cheeseburger, because I'm typing, when people aren't even hanging out here?

9:27 And since this is boring, let's keep talking about dirty stuff. What do you think Spencer and Heidi's sex life is like? They're pretty boring when they fight, so I imagine it would be similar. And she looks like a faker—a loud faker.

9:22 What do you guys think of Audrina's nudie pictures (link NSFW, duh)? Personally I think the only thing she has to be embarrassed about is the eyeshadow and the cowboy hat.

9:13 Who is this Australian chick hosting the premiere party? That's an Aussie accent, right? Also, why does Lauren always look put out about having to be interviewed or talk about the things that make her money?

9:10 @ ampg: Dude, my ex-BF used to love the theme song and we would sing it together really loudly. But he would always go, "Feel the rain on my penis!" Which I thought was so weird, because I know that he's actually never felt rain on his penis.

9:01 Um, OK, so this is just the last two episodes that their playing for this hour? I thought there would be more of the premiere party beyond a little countdown in the corner. Mainly I'm disappointed that Mariah isn't involved in this.

Watch live video from Jezebel on Justin.tv

9:00: I love the false stars where you think they are on the island (like how they just showed the papayas) but then you realize they're back in the real world.

9:01 Wait! This scene with hurley getting arrested, is it a flash forward!? Jack seemed to recognize his car.

9:02 Oh shit! It is in the future!

9:08 "The Oceanic 6"? Who doesn't make it back?

9:09 Oh no! Hurley is going insane again.

9:11 I still don't understand why Ben wanted to raise Alex. It's so hard to tell when he's lying or telling the truth!

9:14 It's still really hard for me to accept that Charlie isn't around anymore.

9:22 Is this guy bothering Hurley really who he says he is? No business card! No he's not. Oh, he's scary.

9:26 Who do you guys think that guy who visited Hurley works for? I can't get it off my mind.

9:30 It annoys me that Jack never listens to Kate or her instincts, but it also annoys me that Kate is always insisting on doing stuff like this, going off on her own and shit.

9:33 Oh no, Hurley's at Jacob's crib. this can't be good. OMG! I seriously just jumped when I saw that eyeball.

9:43 OMG! Charlie's back!!!!!

9:45 I'm so confused. I don't know if that's really Charlie, or if it's one of Hurley's imaginary friends, like when Harry, Charlotte's husband on SaTC, was his friend. Or maybe it's some sort of supernatural thing, where someone else is posing as Charlie. Because Charlie never used to call Hurley "Hugo." He didn't even know that was his name.

9:54 If Hurley is taking this stance of listening to Charlie, how does he wind up leaving the island?

9:57 God, Jack looks cute in a suit. Stubble is really the best look for him, castaway or not.

9:59 Helicopters!

10:00 I can't believe we have to wait an entire week for the next episode. IN other news, Jonny Lee Miller is looking old, but still good.

8:03 I watched about 3 minutes of that Miss America Reality Check show, but it was about as confusing to me as why children in American classrooms don't have maps so I gave up on it. I'm going into this thing completely unbiased.

8:04 UGH! Miss One of the Dakotas and that accent!

8:07 So I guess that they're wearing jeans as part of modern make over the pageant was given. DO NOT WANT. To quote Robin Browne, "I like the trash and flash." Gimme gimme more sequins, please

8:08: Miss Wisconsin: "The state where cheese is not only a diary product, it is also a fashion accessory." It also works its way into on-stage introductions, evidently.

8:11 Ooh! I like this sort of walk/dance thing they're doing. Is there going to be a big choreographed number? I hope! Please! Also, I'd appreciate it if someone fell or something.

8:12 Oh shit! Mark Steines is married to a former Miss America? How fitting, considering he's pretty much the human equivalent of Guy Smiley.

8:14 OK, now that it's a commercial, let's have a little history lesson. I know I mentioned bra burning before, but no one at the infamous 1968 Miss America protest in Atlantic City burned their bras. It was actually a rumor spread by a Ms. editor. Some of the women did take off their bras and throw them out though. Liberation starts with your boobs.

8:17 Ha! Justin Timberlake's friend and sometime personal assistant is who they got to judge this thing?

8:22 I am so sick of girls in pageants (or reality show competitions) talking about how Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are bad role models, and how they think girls need to have a good role model to look up to. Did anyone ever think that Paris and LiLo were good role models? And if they did, then they sure as hell won't want to look up to the likes of any of the Miss America contestants, seeing as how those women not only wear underpants, but also glue it to their ass cheeks so they don't get wedgies.

8:26 So apparently the general public was able to vote one of the semi-finalists in, which turns out to be Miss Utah. You know that if she wins, I'm going to have to refer to her as Miss American Idol.

8:28 OK, so let's get a "fierce" count started. That's 1 so far. Oh, well I like that he just gave them some carbs. That's kind of cute. I'm hungry.

8:30 God damn it, is anyone else not liking this whole "let's wear jeans" thing? If I don't see sequins and lace and Swarovski crystals soon, I'll be really pissed the fuck off.

8:31 I'm bored. I am going to get stoned. Right. Now.

8:33 The swimsuit competition is meant to emphasize the importance of fitness and health? I thought it was supposed to emphasize the importance of tits and ass.

8:35 I thought they did away with wearing high heels during the swimsuit competition a few years ago. Am I wrong? I mean, it's totally fitting, considering they're in Vegas. Heels and a bikini totally seem like Vegas style. Being barefoot is totally an Atlantic City thing.

8:38 Miss South Carolina has a bangin' bod. How many of these girls do you think have implants? I would say at least half of the 16 semi-finalists. I really, really don't like this Top Model rip off runway walk thing.

8:41 Ooh, Miss Florida just gave a lil' something extra there. It was like she rubber necked with her whole body.

8:42 Miss Utah is in a one piece? What does she have to hide?! OMG, that little dance at the end was kinda awesome.

8:43 I've never watched What Not to Wear, but I like that this guy just dissed the whole audience for having bad style. It's funny 'cause it's true.

8:51 What the shit is this fuck? I hate these boring black dresses!

8:52 Oh, I'm sad to see Miss Utah go. I liked that little push-up stunt.

8:55 I prefer the dresses in the old footage they're showing like 50 million times better.

8:57 OMG, Paige Page is back on Trading Spaces? I'm gonna watch.

9:01 In other news, my friend Rich left this lighter at my house. I love it. I'm using it right now. You can't tell from that photo, but she has crispy hair.

9:03: Yay! Shiny dresses!!!!

9:04 Miss Michigan's dress looks like a cross between an ice skater and a stripper. It's perfect.

9:07 As Mando323 noted, this is not campy enough. For real.

9:13 This chick singing "Over the Rainbow" sucks.

9:15 Hahahahahahahaahaha. I like this opera girl.

9:22 I really like that there was a baton twirler. That was Suzanne Sugarbaker's talent.

9:37 They're eliminating the girls in a really weird way. Also, I'm sick of singers for talent. I want a magician or something.

9:29 I never knew there was such a thing as "jazz on point." It kinda reminds me of that movie Centerstage when they try to make ballet cool and dance to a Jamiroquai song. God, I love that movie. There was only one gay guy in the whole ballet school!

9:38 Nice little Planet Hollywood commercial the girls just did there.

9:43 What the eff is this new format where girls have to jump at the question in order to answer it? That makes it a little exciting. Maybe.

9:44 Miss Virginia just choked on that question about celebrities and religion.

9:45 Hahahaha. "This is the Paris Hilton question." I love that she is like a category of questions.

9:46 And Lindsay Lohan!!!!! Ha!

9:37 And a Jamie Lynn Spears question. Christ almighty!

9:56 I don't like that the finalists aren't wearing their state sashes because I can't remember who's who.

9:58 Miss Michigan, the girl with the perfect dress won. Pinning on her crown is taking way too long.

10:00 So that's it. No one fell. No one answered a question dreadfully incompetently. No one's boobs popped out. Boring.

[Twiggy's] been with ANTM since Cycle Five, when she replaced Janice Dickinson. Although Cycle Nine has finished taping, Twiggy will be there for the live finale in January, when another lucky catwalker is crowned.

9:00 And I'm done! Now, on to Crowned.

8:58 Chantal said that this "just wasn't meant to be" for her. This isn't the way she's supposed to "make it." Of course. Because Tyra is God, and she determines everyone's destiny.

8:57 America's Next. Top. Model. Is...Duh. Friggin' Saleisha.

8:55 I'm pissed that they didn't go over the girls' portfolios more. I enjoy the retrospective.

8:52 I love how Tyra teaches girls that if someone falls several feet onto their face, don't help them up. KEEP WALKING.

8:49 Dodai hopes that they pull the winner's photo out of Miss J.'s afro.

8:46 Awwwwwwww shit! hahahahahahahaha. Loling my face off that the guy on stilts fell from Chantal's dress. Also, what's up with their coke nails?

8:44 I love that Tyra & Co. walked in there like they were royalty. Tyra is the empress natch. "Walk for me, I say!"

8:36 When the girls asked Jaslene how she was at her final challenge, and she said in her deaf voice, "Oh my God, you guys, I had to go to the bathroom to cr..." I was really hoping she'd say "crap."

8:33 As busted as Jenah's face can sometimes be, I CANNOT believe that Chantal beat her to the final two! Seriously! Now I sort of hope Chantal wins, just so the retardation is brought all the way through.

8:31 GASP! Chantal!?!?!?!?!?!?

8:26 Tyra loves when girls cry. But only when they explain their damaged pasts.

8:25 Jenah, you do have to be rainbows incessantly if you wanna work with Tyra and her merry band of drag queens.

8:22 Tyra is such a bitch for saying that Saleisha pronounces "thing" incorrectly as "theeng." I've actually noticed that Tyra says heel instead of hill. When Lauren Conrad was on her show, she kept saying, "The Heels."

8:20 The girls really hate Jenah, wow. I love that Chantal said she didn't want her little sister to look up to Jenah, when just last week, Jenah cried, saying that she wanted to be a role model for her little sisters.

8:18 OK, does anyone remember the movie Boomerang, when Eddie Murphy's ad agency made a really sexually explicit commercial for lipstick that involved fruit? Yeah, that's what is going on with Wet Slick Fruit Spritzer.

8:11 Ugh! Jay just said to Jenah, "I'm afraid that people will read your insecurity as being bitchy." That's funny Jay, 'cause I read your bitchiness as insecurity.

8:10 Wet Slick Fruit Spritzer sounds like flavored lube.

8:07 You know, Heather would not have been the first model with a disability to win, because Jaslene was. Bitch is so deaf.

8:06 Ew. Did anyone else notice how dirty Jenah's feet are?