4:58 Oprah asked Sarah if she should be "worried" about the rumor that she heard that Sarah's getting a talk show. Sarah didn't say no. All she said was, "Oprah, you shouldn't be worried. You're the queen."

4:55 Oprah isn't buying Sarah's reasoning for quitting her job as governor of Alaska.

4:52 Here's a clip of Sarah explaining how she wants to "empower" women through pro-life.

4:50 O's camera crew followed Sarah around Wasilla on Halloween. This is pretty dang cute:

4:45 Sarah has so far said "dang" three different times during this interview.

4:40 Sarah seems more pissed off that Levi said that she never went to hockey games than when he said that she was a bad mother and that Bristol raised Piper.

4:38 Here's a clip of Sarah speaking about her difference of opinion with the campaign on how to handle the news of Bristol's pregnancy.

4:34 Interestingly, Sarah writes in her book that she considered having an abortion in Louisiana when she found out she was pregnant with Trig, because "no one would know." And in that moment, she "understood" women who get abortions because it's an "easy way out," but decided to stick to her vowels.

4:30 Sarah also said that Katie was mostly just pissed at her for answering "the abortion question" from the heart, and kept re-asking it (12 times) because she hoped that Sarah would give a different answer than she's "pro-life" and wants to "empower women" by telling them they're strong enough to have the baby.

4:27 Sarah said that her original interview with Katie Couric was supposed to be a "light-hearted, two working moms" kind of interview (on the evening news? really?) and found Katie's badgering "annoying," and that she had a partisan agenda. I always accidentally type "parmesan" when I try to type "partisan."

4:22 It is really interesting though, to hear these behind-the-scenes stories about how the campaign was run. McCain's people repeatedly got angry with Sarah for going "off script." Her answer was that she "couldn't find the script." Also, she claims that she didn't know that the campaign pulled out of Michigan because her VP team never told her, which is why she was shocked and went "off script" when asked about it by reporters. I love that she continually blames her own ignorance for many of her issues. At least that part is somewhat honest.

4:19 Sarah says that she didn't appreciate the campaign giving her family makeovers. That's not what Levi said. He told Vanity Fair that Sarah and her daughters loved the designer clothes, and that it was Sarah who forced him to cut his mullet (which he spent a lot of time growing).

4:17 Sarah says that the McCain campaign had opinions on everything, from what she wore, and what she should eat. They recommended the Atkins diet to her. Wasn't she always pretty trim, even while pregnant?

4:10 Sarah seems bitter about the way the campaign handled Bristol's pregnancy. She didn't like the press release they wrote, so she rewrote it, and then the campaign released the original instead. She said that should have been a warning sign of "things to come," I guess meaning how the campaign didn't trust her judgment or writing abilities.

4:06 I'm pretty sure Sarah is wearing a wig or a fall of some kind. Real Housewife of Wasilla.

4:01 Oprah is clearing up the "snubbing" rumors first. I love that her first question to Sarah is about herself. But Sarah answered with something that is most likely not true: She didn't know about it! Just like she "didn't know" that Bristol got sexually activated by Levi. But I liked her answer to Oprah, "[The snubbing] wasn't the center of my universe." Zing!

11:03 An ambulance had to be called for Kristin Chenoweth. According to the report, she "first complained about a migraine headache, then said she couldn't open her eyes." Do you think it had something to do with the glasses?

11:01 Mad Men wins for Outstanding Drama Series. Elizabeth Moss and Jon Hamm both gave their significant others soul kisses.

10:57 I hope Lost wins. I mean, I guess I don't really give a shit. It wins in my book anyway.

10:55 30 Rock wins for Outstanding Comedy Series.

10:49 Wow, the Breaking Bad guy won for Lead Actor in a Drama Series.

10:44 Glen Close wins for Lead Actress in a Drama Series.

10:38 Mad Men wins for Writing for a Drama.

10:30 Dead people, with some singing that might remind you of shelter cats and dogs in need of a home.

10:23 Did Chris O'Donnell fart or something? What's the deal with LL's face?

10:21 Michael Emerson totally sounded like creepy Ben during his acceptance speech.

10:20 Ben Linus FTW!

10:08 Check it out. They're advertising it. It's gonna take a long-ass-ass time.

10:07 I'm annoyed that FOC didn't win for original music and lyrics.

10:01 JK, not pregnant. Pull-out method still 100% effective. Just checking to see if people were reading.

9:45 Grey Gardens won Outstanding Made for Television Movie and the director quoted from Little Edie's journal in his acceptance speech.

9:43 What's with Keifer Sutherland's ear growth spurt?

9:41 I'm pregnant.

9:34 I'm so glad Jessica Lange won. She really nailed Big Edie, I guess proving that Botox won't necessarily hinder one's acting abilities, or guarantee that women over 30 will get hired to play women under 60.

9:32 What's the deal with this internet vs. television thing. Suddenly, TV thinks it's print.

9:26 When they did that joke about the "best seat in the house" and panned over the theater, it looked pathetically empty.

9:13 Do you think Shohreh Aghdashloo is a smoker?

9:11 Actually, these movies all look up my alley. I never even heard of half of them, and I've only seen two.

9:09 Grey Gardens needs to win in this category, obvs.

9:08 And I was right. It pisses me off that Big Brother wasn't nominated. It's only the best reality competition program ever, other than ANTM and The Real World/Road Rules Challenges.

9:07 I have a feeling that The Amazing Race will win.

9:06 Yes! Tracy Morgan! Even the way he says "Neil Patrick Harris" makes me laugh.

9:03 These self-written bios that are read aloud as the winners are walking to the stage are so fucking smarmy.

9:02 I don't like that the Chenbot wasn't nominated for Outstanding Host of a Reality Competition Program.

9:00 Is that Dancing with the Stars girl related to the liquor Smirnoff?

8:57 Sadly, this montage is the highlight of the night for me. Love that they're playing Britney's "Circus."

8:56 Omg, they're actually acknowledging reality TV right now!

8:54 Alec Baldwin wins for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series. That makes 2 for 30 Rock.

8:45 Seriously, what is with the trend of Valerie Cherish backwards dresses at award shows?

8:36 Love it!

8:34 Justin Timberlake is presenting Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. He's starting to look like a lesbian again.

8:30 Ha! I love Jemaine Clement's face behind Kevin Dillon, both before…

…and after Dillon lost to Jon Cryer.

8:29 Who did they think they were fooling, by putting NPH back in the audience, like we didn't know he was hosting this whole thing.

8:26 One of my pet peeves is when people say "log on to..." in reference to visiting a web site. That's not what it is!

8:25 Award #1 for 30 Rock: Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series.

8:13 When I first saw this I was like, "Hrmph, Broadway people..."

But apparently the glasses schtick was Amy Poehler's idea. I love that Vanessa Williams wouldn't participate.

8:10 Ha. I liked that Tina Fey made a joke about Seth MacFarlane being drunk.

8:07 Tracy Morgan did not like NPH's joke about Kanye West.

11:34 OK, the Michael Jackson movie looks amazing.

11:30 From the trenches:

11:28 I'd be annoyed if my husband didn't show up until the last 10 minutes of an award show where I won Video of the Year. Just sayin'.

11:23 From the trenches:

11:16 Aw, Beyoncé is nice.

11:07 She wears her heart on her teet.

11:03 For God and for the gays (obvs).

10:56 From the trenches:

10:44 When did Eminem turn into DJ Qualls?

10:40 From the trenches:

10:38 I'm old. Who is Muse?

10:33 Snap! Kanye got booed!

10:26 I'm not into B's Hooters tights.

10:22 Solange is not having it.

10:08 Green Day = Wine Refill Time.

10:07 BTW, you can watch the Kanye/Tyalor thing here.

10:06 God, I hope Beyoncé doesn't get shut out this year.

9:57 I'm really into Lady Gaga's professionalism. She didn't even flinch with the fake blood in her eye.

9:50 Look at how her face fell after Kanye dissed her.

9:46 I feel bad that Taylor Swift had to follow up that scene with a live performance.

9:30 Beyoncé looked embarrassed.

9:23 While I agree with him to an extent, it was still really mean. Taylor Swift is a fucking teenager and he just killed her moment.

9:22 Kanye West is such a dick.

9:18 The crowd isn't really digging Russell's dick jokes, huh?

9:16 Cyborg couture.

9:15 You know he loooooves that he was named second right after Madonna as far as big stars in the room. P.S. I solved this maze on a place mat at McDonald's years ago.

9:11 Janet's voice sounded really weird.

9:10 Surgical masks! Brilliant touch.

9:09 These dancers are blowing my mind, and then the technical difficulty of not attaching this guy to his rope kind of ruined it. It looks like the guy behind him is about to eat some ass.

9:07 So glad that they opened with "Thriller," and that it contained the portion where Vincent Price says, "Y'all's neighborhood." This dancer's are great.

9:04 I love that everyone is so solemn and then there's Lady Gaga in the background.

9:02 Ugh, is Pete Wentz praying!?

9:00 Madonna totally wrote this speech herself. She's an asshole, though. "I have more to say than that…"

8:55 Beyoncé looks like when Valerie Cherish wore her dress backwards to the People's Choice awards.

I went out and had a couple of beers. And now I'm gonna have a burger. And I'm gonna watch some FASHION, dammit! Let's do this.

11:00
Well that was fun. Thanks for playing, folks. Tim Gunn hugs!

10:58
Sheer nightgowns beat geodesic disco soccerballs every time.

10:57
Qristyl is safe, as is Ra'mon.

10:56
Johnny Meth: Safe.
Christopher won the challenge!

10:50
Lindsay is strangely lackluster, no?

10:48
Ra'mon is safe, obvs. Johnny Meth is gonna be okay. Everyone loves Christopher.

10:46
Did Ari say Nobel Peace Prize? AND DID LINDSAY GET SNIPPY????

10:45
Nina is not amused by Ari.

10:44
Qristyl is getting ripped apart. Heidi and Michael like Matthew's dress, and so does Nina. And so do I!

10:43
LINDSAY IS FROWNING.

10:42
No to Logan. No to Nicholas.

10:40
I like Christopher's and Louise's and the blonde lady who sent an old Hollywood dress out first. And Shirin. And Irina, though it's not made for someone with boobs. Boo on Ari. Sorry.

10:38
RUNWAY SHOW!!!

10:37
Michael! Nina! LINDSAY!

10:32
"I do not care what state of repair or disrepair people are in."

10:31
Wait. His model will be NUDE? Or wearing a toga?

10:30
Runway show day already! Will there be a last-minute twist?

10:24
Tim Gunn's pause for Qrystal's dress: Hilarious.

10:22
"Cruise line cocktail waitress."
And
"What's it gonna look like?"
"I don't know what you mean."

10:21
"No one can describe what I do." Yes, the vocabulary does not exist. That's it.

10:21
Tim Gunn's hugs are made of Unicorn sighs.

10:20
I know the answer to that question, by the way.

10:19
Why would they cast the guy in the throes of sobering up?

10:16
Oh but I like Qrystal too even if spelling her name gives me an aneurysm.

10:15
Tears already. Early faves, anyone? I am watching Louise, Epperson and Malvin, and not because they all have interesting hair.

10:13
If Tim Gunn says innovation is key, you better bring it!

10:12
"I don't sketch. I just try to meditate."

10:11
There's a Mood in L.A.? Who knew.

10:09
Emmys Red Carpet… this was… when? Dumb lawsuits keeping the show from airing so long.

10:07
Louise Black and Malvin should have a hair battle.

10:06
I love you Tim and Heidi. Why are you in L.A.? Sob.

10:05
Woodland fairies are blonde and from the South, that is what I have learned.
Epperson is 49!! Love it. It's never too late.

10:03
A tent. Water purification. Am I hearing correctly?

10:02
Malvin wins best hair.

Also: "I don't call it plus size. I call it plus sexy" is a great soundbite.

10:01
"Crystal meth."

10:00
It's starting! All guys so far.

9:59
If there is a cuter pregnant person than Heidi Klum, don't tell me about it.

9:57pm
Crap. I wanted to watch the all-star challenge later, at my leisure. Now I know Korto is sad. Boo.

And so are we. (Well, I am.) From now until the service ends, I'll be liveblogging the circus (and it will be a circus, or more literally, the warm-up act for the circus: the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus will be opening tomorrow at the same venue). For those who want to "follow" along but are unsure which channel to tune into — ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, MSNBC, CNN, CNN Headline News, Fox News Channel, E!, TV Guide, TV One, MTV, VH1, VH1 Classic, VH1 Soul, BET, Telemundo or Univision — you can get a breakdown of the coverage here.

3:55 I'm closing the show with this:



3:40 Paris closed the show by saying that she had "the best father."

3:35 Back-to-back singalong of "We Are the World" and "Heal the World."
Paris, Prince, and Blanket joined in.



3:30 What the hell is this guy's deal?



3:25 Shaheen Jafargholi is singing "Who's Loving You." Anyone else think it's weird that an unrelated prepubescent boy is there?



3:15 Usher sang "Gone Too Soon." He's the first to get down and actually sing to the casket. He cried at the end and it was touching, but the thunderstorm warning in NYC kept fucking up the mood. (Video to come.)



3:00 Martin Luther King Jr.'s daughter said, "If faces can smile…"
We imagined Michael's response, "Faces can smile, silly!"



2:59 Jermaine is singing "Smile."

2:56 Brooke Shields is basically talking about having Michael Jackson as a gay best friend. I like it though. It's really touching. "When we were together, we were two little kids, having fun. We never collaborated together or performed together." But seriously, she is ubiquitous.

2:45 People are chanting "Michael, Michael, Michael!" And then John Mayer stepped out instead. He's performing "Human Nature." But without singing—like Kenny G-style. This will be playing in dentist office waiting rooms around the country soon.



Video to come. Lots of "O" faces.

2:39 He just told Michael's kids, "There was nothing strange about your daddy. What was strange was what your daddy had to deal with." That got a standing ovation.



I think Blanket has an MJ doll with him.



2:36 Al Sharpton is being himself…loud.

2:28 The arm-motion choir behind Jennifer Hudson gives MJ two thumbs up.



They aren't signers right? I took American Sign Language as my foreign language in college, and this is not what it looked like:



2:12 Stevie Wonder is performing "Never Dreamed You'd Leave in Summer." It's pretty awesome. Video to come.

2:08 Now there's a montage of dancing and songs.

2:07 Mariah singing "I'll Be There."



2:04 Berry Gordy is giving the eulogy. He said mostly glowing things but also, "He had some bad, bad times and made some questionable decisions…" But he ended with, "I think he's simply the greatest entertainer that ever lived." That brought the house down.

2:03 The Jackson men are wearing matching suits and sparkly gloves.



1:55 Lionel Richie is singing now. It's a religious song I don't recognize.

1:52 Queen Latifah is reading a poem that Maya Angelou wrote for the occasion called "We Had Him."

1:49 Mimi:



Video to come: Her voice sounded…not great. But Trey Lorenz was there!

1:43 The casket:



1:40 The pastor giving the sermon keeps peppering his speech with song titles ("Remember the Time," "Heal the World," etc.).

1:38 Someone screamed, "I love you, Michael!" And the crowd cheered. Then someone else screamed, "We ALL love you, Michael!" And then the crowd cheered again.

1:36 A choir is singing (the same one that did back up on "Man in the Mirror") and the stage is set up just like a church. There are rolling clouds behind the windows.



1:25 I like Coop's Rhythm Nation-style mic.



1:19 Martin Bashir is on ABC talking about how he feels demonized for his documentary Living with Michael Jackson. People are so hung up on this demon talk.



1:15 OK, now it's totally dark and silent:



And it's going on for a long time. None of the anchors on any of the stations know what order anything will happen.

1:13 Smokey Robinson is reading statements written by people who couldn't attend, like Diana Ross and Nelson Mandela.

1:06 Informal poll:
What will Stevie Wonder sing?
A.) "Never Dreamed You'd Leave in Summer"
B.) "You Are the Sunshine of My Life"
C.) "Part-time Lover"

1:04 Informal poll:
What will Mariah sing?
A.) "I'll Be There"
B.) "One Sweet Day"
C.) "Bye Bye"

I hope it's "Bye Bye" but that she changes the lyrics up to include: "This is for my people who just lost somebody/ A best friend/ An icon/ A dancer/ [fill in the blank]…"

1:02: The service should be starting any minute now.

1:00 Some of the pages of the memorial service program are online now. Missing: the first page, with LaToya's message. I wanna know what she said!

12:56 This girls is pumped about seeing MJ's coffin.



12:50 You guys, guess who's gonna be there!



12:43 E! is approaching this like it's red carpet coverage, but instead of former models or comedians hosting, they have serious journalists, like the guy who used to work at Us and had his own sex scandal.



12:27 Channel Hopping:
MTV: Playing videos in between Sway and Kim Stolz talking at the Staples Center. Also, the network ID marker has turned this into a black ribbon event. Elizabeth Taylor is gonna need a Girl Scout sash to hold the rainbow of badges she's amassing.



VH1: Showing the same packages as MTV.
BET: Kevin from the first Real World is talking:



Fox News: Following the casket on screen as it drives to the memorial.
Telemundo: Same as Fox News, but sexier.
E!: Longest Proactive commercial ever. It seems like they're front loading with the ads so they don't have to cut away.

12:08 Now it's being reported that the mood inside the Staples Center will be "somber," with no "pomp and circumstance."

11:53 Check out the program for the memorial service:



Also, CNN will not let up on talking about Michael "overcoming his demons." They must've said it like 20 times already. It makes this picture—from the program—have a lot more meaning. Actually, I don't care how big of a deal "Thriller" was. Zombies are too scary for a funeral.



11:45 CNN said that MJ's coffin will be placed in the empty space between these flower arrangements at the foot of the stage:



That means he'll have front-row access to Mariah's performance, possibly even an up-skirt view.



11:30 This is the scene outside the Staples Center right now. It's a little reminiscent of Lollapalooza. All it needs is a game of hacky sack and an herbal ecstasy kiosk.



11:38 OK, so now CNN is saying that the body will be there. The family is bringing it with them in a procession, and then another private service will be held after the Staples Center memorial.

11:27 The Jackson family is at the Forest Lawn cemetery right now for a private service. Helicopters are swirling overhead, grabbing footage. So is his body going to be at the Staples Center or not? Are they going to drag him all over L.A. today?

11:18 Has anyone heard from Oprah, regarding MJ's death? I'm curious to know what she thinks.



11:04 The View has not been preempted, as of yet. Barbara Walters just called in from L.A. and said that the Jackson family has asked her to sit with them at the service.

Pre-show: We've never experienced a goodbye like this for an entertainer before, and we may never again. We've also never seen people so psyched for a funeral/memorial. Last night, Dateline featured the excitement of some lucky fans who managed to score tickets for the Staples Center event through the public lottery.

Not to mention the very notion that women need self-help books, but men should just go ahead behaving as usual. Then there's the idea that all of these big-name stars would glom on to a film in which women are portrayed as idiots. But somehow Anna thought it would be a good idea (i.e. she made me), and I am here, in a cineplex in downtown Manhattan, watching He's Just Not That Into You.

Ed. note: The liveblog itself will start at around 10 after the hour; in the meantime, feel free to start perusing the plethora of reviews that came out today: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

• • • • •

3:14: Okay I am here. An old lady just said, "What movie is this?" And a young 20-something woman said, "I'm hoping it's He's Just Not That Into You and I had to stop myself from groaning.

3:15: There are actually quite a few people here. I'd say the theater is two thirds full. Unemployment? The draw of Barrymore?

3:18: More people keep arriving! IT MIGHT FILL UP IN HERE. I am alarmed.

3:21: LOL - a guy walked in wearing a hood half on his head. He's just not that incognito!

3:28: A preview for a flick with Beyonce and Ali Larter looks like Fatal Attraction meets Bring It On.

3:31: Sandra Bullock has a new romcom and she has a blonde, choppy do and red vinyl boots in the trailer.

3:34: There's also a preview for a Matthew McConaughey flick. It's Ghosts of Girlfriends Past or some shit.

3:35: Oh, Jen Garner is in it. Audience giggled.

3:36: HARRY POTTER PREVIEW.

3:37: Ok ok ok it's starting.

3:40: The infamous playground scene. "A girl will never forget the first boy she likes," says the narrator as the little girl gets pushed down and insulted by a little boy. Then a woman says, "He did that because he likes you." And... we're off!

3:43: Ginnifer Goodwin is on a date with Kevin Connolly. He's all, "It was really nice meeting you."

Then he calls some other chick (ScarJo).

3:43: ScarJo, meanwhile, meets Bradley Cooper in a mini mart. I think ScarJo has super elaborate extensions.

3:44: Okay, so Kevin Connolly and Justin Long are roomies. Kevin is totes hung up on ScarJo.

3:46: She sends him straight to voicemail cuz she's flirting with Bradley Cooper. BUT he just told ScarJo he is married.

3:47: She's like, "just give me your card" because she's a struggling singer [in real life AND on screen! -Ed.] and he's in the music biz or some shit.

Okay, Bradley Cooper is friends with Affleck. Affleck is living with Aniston.

3:49: Aniston: "You don't ever feel like we're going against nature by not getting married?"

Affleck: "I love you. I'm committed to you. Why can't we just have a great life and be happy?"

3:50: Aniston: "You're right." (Looks miserable)

So, Ginnifer Goodwin lives with Jennifer Connelly.

3:52: They're wondering why Kevin Connolly hasn't called and Jennifer is like, "He'll call." BUT WE KNOW HE WON'T.

3:54: Okay, there is this HORRIBLE skit with an unknown, unnamed woman who is all, "Like, who invented caller ID? I reserve the right to call in 15 minute intervals without him knowing it's me because then I look like a psycho. Which I'm not!"

3:55: Ginnifer Goodwin's character is going off the rails. She called him and left him an awkward message.

Now she's gonna do a drive-by.

3:56: Baltimore is 60% black right? Everyone so far is white.

3:59: Okay so Ginnifer is at the bar where she thought she'd see Kevin, and Justin Long is the bartender and he is breaking it down: He's never going to call you.

4:00: He says if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit!

Ginnifer says "thank you."

4:03: She goes into work the next day and tells Aniston and Jen Connelly her new revelation: That you always hear stories about women where things work out but these women are the exception, not the rule.

Now Drew Barrymore and ScarJo are having pedicures. [Of course they are. -Ed.]

4:05: Drew says, "What if you meet the love of your life but you've already married someone else? Are you supposed to let true love pass you by?" ScarJo says "You're right. I'm gonna call him."

4:07: He's all, "I can't. I'm married." So she visits Kevin Connolly instead.

I'm bored.

4:08: Now Aniston says to Affleck: "I want you to stop being nice to me unless you're gonna marry me."

He's like, "I just don't believe in marriage!"

Their apartment is pretty nice.

4:09: BLACK LADIES ON BENCH ALERT!

4:10: It's a skit like the other one.

4:11: Frangela are pretty funny and people are laughing but it's soooooo SASSY and obviously thrown in for - heh - color.

They're the only black people in this movie but you get the sense you will never see them again.

4:13: Their whole spiel is about being dumped. How many times they've been dumped, the 20 lbs they gained after getting dumped. I'm already sick of this shit.

4:16: Ginnifer just had the scene in which she's like, "Are you calling me or am I calling you... or whatever."

Drew Barrymore's gay friends just talked about MySpace.

4:17: The Asian American one said, "Oooooh, guuuurlll."

4:18: Bridesmaid scene!!! Jen Aniston is a bridesmaid in her little sister's wedding. Irony!

4:19: Did I mention that the person Bradley Cooper is married to is Jen Connelly?

Every scene in this film is like 1.5 minutes. It's jarring.

4:21: Brad Cooper to ScarJo: You're hot.

4:24: A black guy was just made a laughing stock of, for no reason, he works at the bar but has no name or point in the plot.

4:26: ScarJo is a yoga instructor and Brad Cooper is taking her class. She says, "Wanna swim?" Then they have a poolside flirt session. She says he has an ass that makes her wanna dry-hump.

He says, I think I just fell in love!

4:27: She goes in pool topless but doesn't show nips.

4:30: I just realized that I don't care about any of these people.

4:31: Holy shit, Justin Long is making out with a black woman.

4:32: But he stopped to answer a call from Ginnifer Goodwin.

4:33: Justin Long is the Yoda of this movie, the all-knowing guru of dating. Keep in mind he also said he stopped seeing some girl because he saw how big her ass was in the daylight.

Ben Affleck, inexplicably, has a sailboat.

4:39: So, Ginnifer and Justin are drinking together and he's analyzing couples: he knows all kinds of stuff. He tells Ginnifer that women love drama, waiting till the last minute, pacing, freaking out. He also says, "I like you."

She says, "You do?"

And the audience goes, "Awwwww."

4:41: And he goes, "Don't go doodling my name on your binder. I like you like a Basset hound because you're kinda pathetic."

4:44: So, Jennifer Connelly had a scene with that Latino guy who is always on I Love the 80s, and he was funny because people of color are THE ONLY COMIC RELIEF this film knows.

4:45: Kevin Connolly got told by some gays that "gay signals are totally different from straight signals."

4:47: ScarJo and BradCo are like, in love. He's maybe gonna leave his wife for her.

Drew and ScarJo are in the drugstore and there are black people in the aisles!

4:50: Ginnifer Goodwin has realized that Justin Long is Watts from Some Kind of Wonderful.

4:51: HE'S INTO HER. She and Jen Connelly hug. This is a "highlight."

4:54: Now Connelly is saying she doesn't like laminate flooring because "It's a lie. It's pretending to be wood." She is dead serious. Meanwhile... her HAIR IS IN PIGTAILS.

4:55: BradCo has just told her he slept with another woman.

4:56: DID I MENTION THAT I'M BORED?

4:57: Jennifer Aniston is in the wedding of her sister. She is forced to walk down the aisle with a Labrador.

4:58: At the reception she is seated next to a guy who is Wiccan.

5:00: Moving on! Ginnifer is at Justin Long's party and boy, are there a lot of ladies there. Plus Barrymore's gays.

5:03: After the party, Ginnifer jumps Justin.

5:05: ...but he's like, "If a guy wants to date you, he will make it happen. Did I ask you out? Why do women do this? It's insane!"

She's all teary.

5:07: She says, "I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm a lot closer to finding someone than you are!" and exits all triumphantly.

5:08: Meanwhile, Aniston's dad had some kind of heart attack or something at the wedding... is it midnight yet?

5:10: Connelly is blaming her self for her bad marriage. "We don't have sex anymore," she weeps, then talks about bathroom tile. SELF ABSORPTION IS THE NEW BLACK.

5:13: ScarJo and BradCo are gonna do it on the desk in his office when, who should knock? His wife! Jennifer Connelly! ScarJo gets shoved in the closet. Jennifer starts getting undressed to seduce him.

5:14: "Do you want to save our marriage?" she asks. "Of course," he says. They kiss. I barf.

5:16: Back at the bar, Justin Long is distracted. His coworker, Busy Phillips, guesses: He's into a girl!

5:18: At the office, Jennifer Connelly leaves and ScarJo comes out of the closet, disgusted. "You will never touch me again!!!!"

5:19: She goes and sleeps with Kevin Connolly, who is thrilled. She's not.

5:20: Ben Affleck showed up, surprising Aniston. She is touched.

5:24: Jennifer Connelly just had a meltdown after finding cigarettes in BradCo's clothes; she shouted, "LYING SACK OF SHIT!" and broke a really nice mirror. Then got a broom.

Her house is so nice. Everyone has so much money, yet never seems to work!

5:26: Now Jen Aniston is on Affleck's boat; she's saying, "You're more of a husband to me not being married than some of those other husbands will ever be..."

She is kissing the lips J. Lo kissed.

5:29: Kevin Connolly wants to move in with his "girlfriend," ScarJo. She is like, "I can't do this." SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, ERIC FROM ENTOURAGE!

5:31: BradCo has come home to see that all his stuff is packed up and there's a note from Jennifer Connelly that says "I want a divorce."

Ed Note: Can this movie end already? I'm sick of typing.

5:32: Justin Long has visited Ginnifer. He can't stop thinking about her.

"When I was hurling my body onto yours, you did not seem to want to be with me," she counters.

5:34: He says something about how he spent so much time being the one in control he forgot how it felt to fall for someone.

5:35: They kiss. Duh.

5:36: It seems absolutely UNBELIEVABLE that this movie is not over. But no. Drew Barrymore and Kevin Connolly are meeting cute at a sidewalk cafe.

AND, BECAUSE HOLLYWOOD IS FULL OF SPINELESS JELLYFISH

Affleck just proposed to Aniston.

5:37: I just heard sixty women go "awwwww".

5:38: Except the narrator goes "maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy."

5:40: Okay it's over.

Affleck & Aniston got married on the sailboat. Of course.

5:43: Thank Zeus I have tickets to Coraline later, to wipe that from my brain!

12:40 Ok, I am logging off - thanks guys!

12:38 Oh, say — does that star spangled banner yet wave? O'er the land of the free — and the home of the brave.

12:36 SAY AMEN.

12:34 If anyone wants to read a full transcript of Barack Obama's speech, ABC has posted it here.

12:32 I don't know how these people are not exhausted. Now Prez Obama has to go inside and fix the damn country, though.

12:28 Elizabeth Alexander: "I know there's something better down the road."

12:27 It ain't over! There's poetry!

12:25 Well, folks. Your new President hath spoken.

12:24 "IN THIS WINTER OF OUR HARDSHIP — LET US BRAVE THE ICY CURRENTS...."

12:22 "WE HAVE DUTIES TO OURSELVES, OUR NATION AND THE WORLD."

12:20 "WE WILL EXTEND A HAND IF YOU ARE WILLING TO UNCLENCH YOUR FIST"

12:17 YAY! Commenter Khrushchev points out that the White House Official Site has a new face!

12:16 "WE REJECT AS FALSE THE CHOICE BETWEEN OUR SAFETY AND OUR IDEALS."


12:11 "OUR JOURNEY HAS NEVER BEEN ONE OF SHORTCUTS"

12:10 "HOPE OVER FEAR"

12:08 Quiet you guys the new prez is talking. Heathcare is too costly. The ways we use energy is funding the terrorists, you guys. And there's a "sapping of confidence" across our land.

12:04 He stumbled! Over the oath! But grinned!

12:02 Yo Yo Ma is there. And Itzhak Perlman. Basically: everybody.

11:56 Biden is being sworn in RIGHT NOW. Against all enemies foreign and domestic!!!

11:54 Well. Okay then. Barack SMILING!

11:53 Do we think Aretha had that hat in her closet, or was it a new and special purchase?

11:53 ARETHA!

11:51 Why does Rick Warren say "Malia" and Sasha" like they are some weird African names he has never heard of?

11:49 Joe Biden looks like he is thinking about something else.

11:48 Rick Warren prays, but I do not.

11:45 Dianne Feinstein: "The freedom of a people to choose its leaders is the root of liberty."

11:44 "Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats."

11:43 "BARACK H. OBAMA" And the crowd goes wild.

11:42 Nancy Pelosi and Dianne Feinstein…

11:41 TomBro is talking about barrios, what?

11:38 Lester Holt thinks Barack Obama walking alone to the podium is a "lonely moment." TomBro is talking about fixing the economy, and these unprecedented issues.

11:37 Barack Obama. Red power tie. IT IS ON.

11:36 Just think for one minute what it would be like to be a Secret Service person today. Your entire body is ONE NERVE.

11:35 Cheney is basically Professor X from X-Men now.

11:34 Cheney in wheelchair! I hate to LOL, but seriously.

11:32 Anna says that on MSNBC you can hear people singing "Hey hey, goodbye" for W.

11:31 President Bush. With posse. Oh! Michelle looks good. Is she bling-blingin'??

11:30 Lester Holt reports that things may be running 16 minutes late.

11:29 Epic, EPIC shots of the crowd. And Malia is taking pictures! Love her. BriWi points out that she has "better than average angles."

11:28 Tom Brokaw is pointing out that Michelle's brother is wearing Princeton colors.

11:27 Okay Laura Bush's gray looks better in the sunlight, okay?

11:26 Hey do not shoot Sasha through the bulletproof glass, she looks like she has a sixhead!!

11:25 Laura Bush in what others would call "dove gray." I think it's rather somber.

11:24 Michelle's mom has an air of awesomeness.

11:23 Malia and Sasha! Malia is wearing a blue coat with a cinched waist and Sasha is wearing salmon-y pink. THEY ARE TOO CUTE.

11:22 BriWi says there are "snafus" at the entrance gates and "unwieldy crowds." Noted.

11:22 Bush daughters in the house.

11:21 Bill Clinton, woo! Hillary, woo!

11:20 Jimmy Carter just walked out, and now George HW and Barbara. Is Babs' purple scarf a nod to bipartisanship, or is my TV wonky?

For those who need a little background, here's a list of the nominees.

11:11 Haha! Mariah said, "I have enjoyed you profusely!" That woman lives by the thesaurus. But on that note, I have enjoyed this night profusely, even though I bitched in the beginning. Thanks for refreshing! I'm peacing. I've been on this computer since 7 am. DONE!

11:08 OK, now I'm gonna have to subject my dog to "We Belong Together." It might be one of my favorite songs ever. I'm not kidding.

11:03 The sound on this is all fucked up! It sounds like they don't have it patched in or whatever, and they're just picking up the sound in the venue. Also, Mimi can't hit those notes. It's weird.

11:02 Oh! Excited for Justin Bobby to return! Excited for Heidi and Audrina being chummy! Excited for more She Pratt!

10:58 Whitney says her soft g's weird, like they're k's. And I have a feeling that we're gonna be hearing a lot of her new "stylink" goals in eps to come.

10:55 Uh, who's the dude sitting behind Mimi, Lauren, and Aussie?

10:50 OK, this just got as ridiculous as it could possible get. The French dude is gonna take her around Paris at midnight on a motorcycle while she's wearing a ball gown?

10:41 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! OMG, you just know that the MTV producers did that to her dress.

10:35 I am so into this girl from Yelle. She's such a spaz, I love it! She reminds me exactly of my sister when she was like 7.

10:30 Wow, this scene with Spencer and Heidi and her parents is SO awkward.

10:29 Oh boy. This ball gown altering plan is going to end very badly—as per the script.

10:25 I made my dawg sit in front of me and be my audience while I sang The Hills theme song to her and then I took pictures. Clearly she's unimpressed with me.

10:21 Two things: These dudes from the band are adorbz; and Lauren looks great in red lipstick.

10:19: LOLOLOLOLOL!!! I love that Heidi's hometown is called Crested Butte, because all I can think of is Crusted Butt.

10:18: I really love Whitney's pink dress here.

10:17 I don't know if I really understand what this ball is. I thought it was a fashion thing.

10:10 This Dove mini show thing is weird. OMG! I went on a date at the restaurant their eating in! My boss showed up (not Anna), sat down, and ate some of our lobster ceviche and then pointed out, in front of my date, that the wine that I was ordering was expensive. The food was really good.

10:09 I'm so glad that She Pratt is a regular now. What is the deal with these two? Like does Spencer feed her lines?

10:03 I'm loving Whitney's hat. Lauren is wearing that Betsey Johnson dress. That would look like maternity wear on me.

10:00 OMG! Mimi's gold jacket is very...labial.

9:59: I'm going to have to sing "Unwritten" alone. My dog always looks at me like I'm nuts when I doshit like that.

9:50 Can we just talk for a minute about these chicks modeling their outfits between commercial breaks? Why is that happening.

9:32 OK, I'm gonna go there and ask what the fuck this meebo business is? You know, not for nothing, but I do these live blogs to facilitate a convo here, and I think it's weird that some commenters agree to go somewhere else "private." Also, I'll put this out there: My ass gets money per page view. That might sound mercenary or whatevs, but it's true and I'm like, what am I doing with 2 hours of my life, off hours, not eating my cheeseburger, because I'm typing, when people aren't even hanging out here?

9:27 And since this is boring, let's keep talking about dirty stuff. What do you think Spencer and Heidi's sex life is like? They're pretty boring when they fight, so I imagine it would be similar. And she looks like a faker—a loud faker.

9:22 What do you guys think of Audrina's nudie pictures (link NSFW, duh)? Personally I think the only thing she has to be embarrassed about is the eyeshadow and the cowboy hat.

9:13 Who is this Australian chick hosting the premiere party? That's an Aussie accent, right? Also, why does Lauren always look put out about having to be interviewed or talk about the things that make her money?

9:10 @ ampg: Dude, my ex-BF used to love the theme song and we would sing it together really loudly. But he would always go, "Feel the rain on my penis!" Which I thought was so weird, because I know that he's actually never felt rain on his penis.

9:01 Um, OK, so this is just the last two episodes that their playing for this hour? I thought there would be more of the premiere party beyond a little countdown in the corner. Mainly I'm disappointed that Mariah isn't involved in this.

11:50
dodai: well it's over.
tracie: i still feel like puke
tracie: i'm gonna drink my orange soda then walk the dog then lie down
dodai: good night!
tracie: night!

11:47
tracie: i want to see that diving bell movie
dodai: yeah
dodai: i need to see so many
tracie: did you see no country for old men. i thought it was good but not great
dodai: i saw it
dodai: i was like really? this is how it ends?
dodai: but in terms of tension
dodai: and not knowing what the fuck was going to happen
dodai: like some movies are soooo predictable
dodai: it was NOT that
tracie: wow
dodai: no country wins
dodai: thank you and good night
tracie: is this the first time that has ever happened?
tracie: best director and best film getting both
dodai: i dunno
tracie: i think it might be
dodai: well. that was interesting
dodai: i'm so tired.

11:35
tracie: so daniel day lewis is taking this right?
dodai: hmm
dodai: yes i think so.
dodai: JOHNNY I LOVE YOU
tracie: haha
dodai: oh viggo was good though

11:32
tracie: look at how sexy helen mirren is
dodai: she is so fucking hot. i have never been that hot
dodai: ever
dodai: and she is like
dodai: 62
dodai: i need a whole different gene pool to be that hot

11:28
dodai: harrison ford's nose is mad crooked
dodai: i never noticed before
dodai: or is it just aging?
tracie: yeah! i think it's aging
tracie: also, is he drunk or is that the aging as well
dodai: he's bored too maybe
dodai: wow. diablo!
dodai: you know what? good for her.
dodai: seriously.
dodai: in such a male dominated year
dodai: she also reads — and COMMENTS — on jezebel
tracie: her vagina is about to come out of that slit
tracie: haha i meant the slit of her dress. not the slit of her vulva
tracie: omg
tracie: this is vulgar
dodai: HAHA
tracie: hahha
tracie: hhhaahaha
tracie: she just used the envelope to cover herself up
dodai: you can take the writer out of the strip club but you can't take the strip club out of the writer?
tracie: ha. mabes

11:19
tracie: do you think that michael moore is allowed to win an academy award anymore?
dodai: no
tracie: since he gave that speech before
dodai: yeah no
dodai: they're over him

11:16
tracie: god, what the hell is this one even for
dodai: i don't know. i want to close my eyes
dodai: nice necklace
dodai: on that scuba dress
dodai: lady
tracie: that lady was freaking out, and it's like, uh, no one saw your movie

11:13
tracie: the statue is WAY sparklier in hd. i had no idea
dodai: oh really?
dodai: wow!

11:10
tracie: the atonement score was actually really good. with the typing
dodai: omg i loved it
dodai: i love the sound of typewriters
dodai: whee! it won.

11:02
dodai: there are very very few differences between hil swank and kd lang in my mind
tracie: hahahaha
tracie: oh. here it is. the deads
dodai: what is fucked is when some dead people get more applause than others
tracie: I KNOW!
tracie: heath ledger will get tons of applause
tracie: it's not just people who have been nominated. it's like everyone right
tracie: last year they snubbed anna nicole
tracie: i wonder if brad renfro will make it
dodai: well brokeback was nominated so heath will def be there
tracie: poor brad renfro!
dodai: aww.

10:59
dodai: cammie diaz
dodai: go home
tracie: right?
tracie: every time i see her, all i think about is anna faris playing her in lost in translation
dodai: yeah totally. my ex boyfriend was always like, she seems like one of those girls you think is going to be awesome and then is a total nightmare to be around

10:50
tracie: here he comes
tracie: mr. lacefronts
dodai: travolta...
tracie: hahaha
tracie: enchanted did win anything?
dodai: i guess not
dodai: this show is really killing me softly with its dullness

10:47
tracie: wait
tracie: enchanted is nominated for THREE songs
dodai: i deduce it has been a slow year for movie songs
tracie: everyone looks stoned to me
dodai: the magic of HDTV?

10:40
dodai: why do they have celebs in hair dye commercials?
dodai: does ANYONE believe eva longoria dyes her own hair???
tracie: hahahaa. i actually never thought of that!
dodai: penny cruz is my girlcrush
dodai: one of them
tracie: you've seen volver right?
dodai: YES!
tracie: she was awesome in that
dodai: totally

10:36
dodai: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
tracie: do you think the woman in the gold dress handing out the oscars is wearing underwear?
dodai: maybe she is wearing this?
tracie: hahahahahaha
dodai: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
tracie: dude, i'm going to die before this guy. FROM BOREDOM

10:33
tracie: i REALLY like nicole kidmans necklace. it reminds me of that garland type stuff my mom puts on the chandelier at christmas time
dodai: i like it too
dodai: her hair bothers me
tracie: the color?
tracie: i don't lik ethe color
dodai: the color and the over the ear sweep thing
moe: face...move...
moe: ugh creepy

10:30
tracie: renee zelwegger's eyes become more and more closed each year
tracie: what's wrong with her
dodai: i dunno
dodai: her clavicles could poke someone's eye out
tracie: for real. her shoulder blades could slice something

moe: oh my GOD Renee You almost wish she'd get an eye job, just to balance out all the other work she's had done

10:24
tracie: ok. jack nicholson is such a stoner
tracie: look at his eyes

10:20
moe: God fucking Cate Blanchett is so beautiful. That pregnancy bullshit is for realz. It's a good thing pregnancy makes you feel so rotten or else hot pregnant women would be running the streets getting taken advantage of in their vulnerable state. Or something. BTW that was not a great acceptance speech. "Thank you life, thank you love".... Speak English lady!
dodai: oh i liked it!
dodai: it seemed unpretentious
dodai: and just excited and not too thought-out
dodai: spontaneous
dodai: this show is so BORING
moe: There is unpretentious and there is illiterate. Not that it matters because she looked so hot she might be pregnant herself.

10:10
dodai: ok so
dodai: i think julie christie might get this one
dodai: unless
dodai: it's marion cotillard
dodai: hmm
tracie: wow!
tracie: awesome awesome!
tracie: she seriously deserved that
tracie: she really was edith piaf in that movie
dodai: i need to see it
dodai: i haven't seen enough
dodai: her dress is great in my opinion
tracie: hahaha
tracie: thank you life thank you love
dodai: cute
tracie: so cute
dodai: i like when people are excited
tracie: me too

10:02
tracie: ha! did you see that stank face that jessica alba gave?
dodai: she is such a malcontent
tracie: seriously
tracie: jonah weiner's tux doesn't want to button over that belly
dodai: wait why weiner HAHAH??
tracie: oh
tracie: ahahahaha
tracie: i mean jonah hill
tracie: hahahahahahahaha
tracie: freudian slip
tracie: hahahahaha
tracie: i'm loling
tracie: oh wait, there really is a jonah weiner though, right/
tracie: i'm googling
dodai: i thought maybe that was his real name, a jewish name he changed just like jon stewart is actually jon leibowitz or whatever
tracie: ok, jonah weiner is a writer

9:54
tracie: god miley cyrus is so famous
dodai: very weird
dodai: i mean i worked @ teen magazine and i still don't get it
dodai: her appeal
dodai: i mean
tracie: who'd've thought billy ray cyrus would produce another hit?
dodai: HA
tracie: yeah, i totally don't get her appeal at all
dodai: wtf is kristen chenowith wearing???
tracie: i was just about ask if i'm an evil person for hoping she trips and falls
tracie: just so we have something to talk about
tracie: what the hell movie is this from
dodai: enchanted
tracie: god, it was nominated twice?
dodai: which i saw with my mom at 10 am on christmas
dodai: we enjoyed it
tracie: hahah

9:48
tracie: ok, i over did it with this cheeseburger
tracie: i might give the rest to the dog
tracie: she's staring so intently and quietly at me
tracie: jessica alba is supposed to be in her third trimester, but she's looking pretty small
dodai: yeah again why her and not angelina???
tracie: i love james mcevoy i didn't realize that he is married to the girl who was his girlfriend on that show shameless
dodai: oh really? his accent makes me insane. HOTHOTHOT
tracie: seriously
tracie: did you ever watch shameless?
tracie: it made have the biggest crush on him
tracie: he plays a two-bit gangster/doting boyfriend
dodai: no!
dodai: where can i see it?
tracie: the first season is on dvd. but there are torrents all over for it
tracie: they showd the first season on ifc before. that or sundance
tracie: i would love it if someone would streak
dodai: it would liven things up, i am BORED
tracie: seriously!
tracie: there isn't even anything campy enough to make fun of. like interpretive dance
dodai: or roberto benigni


9:36
tracie: ok, who do you think is gonna win this?
tracie: cate probs, right?
dodai: hmm cate??
dodai: yeah
dodai: haha ruby dee's face
tracie: what's gone baby gone?
dodai: ben affleck directed
dodai: casey is in it
dodai: i LOVE tilda
dodai: love her
dodai: orlando
dodai: LOVE THAT MOVIE
dodai: no, orlando
dodai: OMG
dodai: OMG
tracie: wow
dodai: wow
tracie: tilda
tracie: her dress is awesome i love how she doesn't wear makeup
dodai: she has a 29 year old boyfriend you know right?
tracie: was she there with her young lover?
dodai: oh i dunno
dodai: did you see him?
dodai: he was a centaur
dodai: that is HOT
tracie: she said she never even watched the oscars before
tracie: i love how much of a joker she is
dodai: all this masturbatory shit about how awesome the oscars are WHILE you are watching the oscars is irritating
tracie: omg, i know
tracie: let's congratulate the way we congratulate ourselves
dodai: that jc penny commercial made me feel patriotic
tracie: haha
tracie: with the dress donated by the german girl?

9:32
dodai: no one has english as a first language so far
tracie: this short film guy's date looks like amy winehouse
tracie: haha, right? it's so international


9:29
dodai: owen wilson
tracie: ooh look who's here
dodai: !!!!
dodai: hmm
tracie: he kind seems depressed still
dodai: srsly


9:26
dodai: wait what is this?
tracie: um
dodai: where did these black people come from?
tracie: is this supposed to be sung by a woman
tracie: hahah
tracie: they came from harlem. they flew them in. that's literal


9:18
tracie: haha, remember when cuba gooding jr. was in snow dogs
dodai: yes! and the gay cruise movie
dodai: j hud looks good
tracie: hahahha boat trip
tracie: boat trip doesn't even sound like a real movie
dodai: javier is totes winning
tracie: i fucking LOVE his voice
tracie: so much
tracie: hot hot hot
dodai: agreed
tracie: julia sugarbaker!
dodai: WOOO JAVIER
dodai: HOTTEST SPEECH EVER
tracie: god, he is so fucking hot
dodai: fast quick dirty spanish
tracie: hahahaha
tracie: i really liked how he said "head"

moe: LOVE the seventeen layers of eyemakeup on Jhud. Wouldn't want to be charged with keeping wine stains off that dress though. And backless! Risque! But in a refreshing way! Maybe because she's not ninety seven pounds!


9:08
dodai: i don't understand why THE ROCK is there and angelina & brad are not
tracie: they didn't show up at all?
dodai: ryan secrest said they weren't invited
tracie: they were at the independent spirit awards. maybe they couldn't get a sitter
tracie: they weren't invited?
tracie: was he joking?
dodai: a mighty heart wasn't nominated
dodai: johnny depp i love you
tracie: but don't people just go anyway?
dodai: FOREVER
tracie: if they're famous?
tracie: like j. lo goes every year
tracie: she was only nominated for selena that one time
tracie: i was just about to say that vanessa's mouth looks great in that red lipstick, until she parted her lips
dodai: "TEEM BURTON"
tracie: haha

9:03
tracie: this amy adams perfomrance is making me uncomfortable
dodai: i have a headache

moe: This commercial is awesome.
moe: Which is to say, I'm lovin it

anna: love this mickey d's commercial


8:55
tracie: omg, this is so boring
tracie: did you watch persepolis yet?
dodai: no
tracie: it's so good
dodai: maybe i will tomorrow
dodai: i DID however see rataouille
dodai: which i liked
dodai: haha
tracie: hahaha
tracie: i saw surf's up
tracie: on opening night
tracie: omg! it beat persepolis?
dodai: see???
tracie: ratatoulle or however it's spelled
dodai: see???
dodai: it WAS good
tracie: whoa. katherine heigel is really nervous. shakey voice


8:51
tracie: when will they ever learn about the montages
dodai: i know. snooze.
dodai: titanic theme???? for chrissakes


8:44
dodai: is that woman GOLD?
tracie: the lady sitting with cate blanchett has my haircut
tracie: i want barbara streisand's old oscar outfit
tracie: it's like pajamas with sequins
dodai: omg glitter+comfort is the best
tracie: hahaha. totally
dodai: that is why i have a sequined muumuu
tracie: hahahaha
tracie: i was just typing that!
tracie: the perfect combo would be sequined muumuu with no brawrawn
dodai: not in the summer though, cuz then the dreaded breastsweat


moe: How do you feel about the costume designer's costume? I'm not quite feelin it. Nice arms though.
dodai: she was GOLD right?
dodai: or just on my TV?
moe: Oh yes. VERY gold.


8:40
tracie: hahaha. omg
tracie: that girl from la vie en rose girl just said, "i don't know who is that"
tracie: about "gaydolf titler"
tracie: i think she's like very esl
dodai: haha


8:38
tracie: i'm bored
dodai: me too


8:36
dodai: i'm already tired of this crap
tracie: hahaha. me too
tracie: and i feel like i'm gonna puke from last night still
dodai: oh no
tracie: this has been the longest hang over ever
tracie: i'm ordering a cheeseburger
dodai: yum


8:33
dodai: jon stewart is SO CUTE


8:28
dodai: is jack nicholson drunk?
tracie: he's probably stoned
tracie: or on ambien


8:25
moe: ICK HILARY SWANK
moe: There is something so malevolent seeming in her tight tight face


8:20
tracie: did you like juno?
dodai: i did
dodai: i'm not into the backlash
dodai: i thought it was fun
tracie: i saw it after it got all the hype and i was like, whatevs
tracie: also, a lot of the dialogue bothered me, but not to the point that i didn't enjoy it
tracie: something is a little bit wrong with hilary swank
tracie: and i don't mean because she's a lezebel
dodai: HAHA

8:18
tracie: aahhhhh! cute!
dodai: the old lady??
tracie: yeah
dodai: i know!
tracie: i don't think she's wearing a bra
dodai: they should show more her
dodai: less seacrest
tracie: she doesn't have a brawrawn
dodai: HAHA
tracie: what's the dude's name from no country for old men? he's so hot
tracie: with normal hair i mean
dodai: javier bardem
tracie: hot
dodai: word.

moe: Just a thought: is it fair to Scorcese to remind everyone Cameron Diaz was in Gangs of New York?
dodai: these Qs are stoopid
moe: I have not seen a single nominated movie besides Atonement. I am a total failure.

8:13
dodai: jen garner's boobs look squished
dodai: garner uses RACHEL ZOE???
dodai: omg
tracie: i'm shocked
tracie: she's like 30 lbs too heavy for that
dodai: haha hopefully she won't start wasting away

8:09
dodai: regis is really really EXCITED

8:06
tracie: oh the show doesn't start till 8:30?
dodai: WTF
dodai: well we've started anyway

8:05
tracie: haha
tracie: i was really shocked at how beautiful the la vie en rose girl is when she's not being edith piaf

8:01
dodai: the show is starting!
dodai: regis is SHOUTING!
dodai: george clooney is being charming
dodai: the crowd is CHANTING for him

7:57: Cate Blanchett: BEST PREGNANT LOOK EVER. Okay, onto the other Jezebels' liveblog!

7:56: Katherine Heigl is dressed like Marilyn Monroe. I think she could throw down Lohan in a second.

7:53: Viggo Mortensen: The Unibomber! Also: Penelope Cruz's chest has also sprouted feathers.

7:52: Katherine Heigl: Also wearing red. Is everyone wearing red tonight?!

7:51: Oh GOD Calista's HAIR?! WHAT HAPPENED?

7:50: Casey Affleck is so cute.

7:49: Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis! Ellen Page: Going for the flapper look.
The hair is all marcelled and she only looks, well, marginally uncomfortable in her dress.

7:48: Colin Farrell brought his mommy! She looksproud. Clearly, she hasn't seen his sex tape.

7:46: Kimora says "rosette details" are very fashionable, which is why Anne Hathaway's dress is good. Poor Marchesa: Their business surely just went down as a result. Women of Marchesa: I am sorry you must suffer the wrath of Kimora. You didn't ask for the anal probe. (Seacrest, however, probably did.)

7:42: My friend Joanna just called Seacrest "the Kato Kalin of low-grade entertainment TV. I agree.

7:41: Tilda is the shit. Even if she looks like a boy in a smock.

7:40: Ryan Seacrest needs to really stop harassing Cotillard about her accent. Who is he, George Bush? "Sound like an American!" Next he'll ask her if she eats Freedom Fries

7:38: Seacrest: Do not mock Cotillard's French accent. Or her dress, which is Gaultier.

7:37: Kimora thinks Cameron Diaz is under-blinged. Which, I guess, means she's just right!

7:35: Jennifer Hudson looks cute! I hope she dressed herself this year.

7:34: Jessica Alba: Seacrest asked her when she is due and I stand by her not sharing. She looks comfy in her dress. Marchesa should strike a deal with all the pregnant celebs.

7:33: I am so over Cameron Diaz. Also, her dress looks wrinkled. They need to steam that shit out.

7:32: Helen Mirren's arms are sparkly! Seacrest: "The naked man". It figures.

7:30: [Reader Heidi has just emailed us: "Rebecca Miller: No. No. No." -Ed.]

7:27: MARION COTILLARD: I LOOOOVE IT. But I know there are some who will say she looks like a fish. Speaking of water! Cameron Diaz's dress? Washes her out completely.

7:25: How are they hating on Jennifer Garner's dress?! She looks beautiful and classy. Though seriously, isn't an insult from Kimora really a compliment?

7:22: Okay, personally? I would be upset if my mom talked about how I was disrespectful and got grounded on TV.

7:21: Something is wrong with Miley's lipstick. Maybe she's like me and she has no color in the corners of her lips so when she puts lipstick on it looks freakish .

7:19: Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill: Adorbs. Keri Russell looks like a ballerina. Her dress makes me happy.

7:16: What is going wrong with this supposed Jennifer Garner interview? Who is heckling Seacrest? [Looks to be Gary Busey. -Ed.]

7:15: Did anyone catch Cameron Diaz's tugging her dress up? Awkward?

7:10: Why is tonight all about Seacrest's crotch?

7:09: Amy Adams is so adorable. And her dress is GORGEOUS. It's Proenza Schouler. And, um, she's carrying a bag with nothing in it.

7:08: Jessica Alba's breasts have sprouted feathers!

7:07: Hmm, I either love or hate James McAvoy's wife's dress. I love the color. But tiers scare me. But maybe I can get behind it.

7:04: Miley Cyrus looks a little MOB. Her mom looks, well, cheap.

7:01: Patrick Dempsey looks dapper. [I think that Dempsey doll is what inspired Travolta's hair this evening. -Ed.]

7:00: Fun fact: Steve Carrell and Seacrest shop at the same grocery store. And Seacrest is a crazy stalker.

6:59:Um, Clooney's girlfriend's claim to fame is having been on Fear Factor? I am wasting my life away, clearly.

John Travolta looks...rough. [I think he has a painted-on hairline. -Ed.] But better dressed than Seacrest.

6:57: Oooh Amy Ryan is HOT. Amy Adams. Sorry. She is GORGEOUS James McAvoy is also HOT. Damn: Even Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson looks better than Seacrest.

6:56: Aw, Ruby Dee! Wearing a ruby shade! She is so awesome. And she looks awesome too. It's the little girl from Atonement! She's adorbs. And her dress is so appropriate.

6:55: McDreamy: Looks, well, McDreamy. Seacrest: Still worst-dressed.

6:53: Wow: Seacrest is a moron. I can't believe he couldn't understand Hathaway's boyfriend's Italian accent. Hathaway looks gorgeous: Way to go Marchesa. And Hathaway's line about "diaphanous chic" was cute. Ten bucks says Rami Kashou lifts that line.

6:46: Aw, Anne Hathaway looks so pretty in red! I prefer her dress to Heidi's. Aw, Jason Bateman. So cute. Also, better dressed than Seacrest. Shocker.

Steve Carrell: Also better dressed than Seacrest. Also, being patted down by many men?

6:45: Seriously, what is with Clooney's girlfriend? She looks dumb. That's mean, I know. And you shouldn't infer intelligence based on appearance. But she just looks so blank. Also her dress is some serious ugly. Just needed to say it again.

6:43: Um, love that the crawl has informed is that Tom Hanks will be wearing sweats and eating Chinese food after the show. And I love the Seacrest blowjob innuendo.

6:39: Ooh another brief shot of Kristen Chenoweth's dress: I think it's pretty. Honestly, I really want to hate her (and I shouldn't since I'm a Broadway dork and that's really where she made her name) — but her dress is gorgeous. It's a coppery-purple and strapless but not dumb. And belted! And appears to have a bit of a mermaid shape to it? She looks purdy.

6:37: Why are they talking about weight again? Hey, let's play a drinking game where we all drink every time they make an awkward comment having to do with weight.

6:35: Does anyone else think it's funny that the weather is "disturbed"? Ooh: They say the umbrellas are out! Let's play count the umbrella holders!

Uh oh: Kimora loves Heidi's dress? That can't be a compliment. Also, where did Heidi's bangs go?
I smell a hairpiece. I mean, she has the big fringe and the shaggy, shoulder length cut. That ain't a giant updo.

6:29: Kristen Chenoweth, thankfully, is not wearing her silver smock from the other day. I hope we get a better look at what she's wearing, because it's a little prom, but it's also potentially good. Um, why is Seacrest asking Amy Ryan to punch him? This is giving the the uh-oh feeling. I feel embarrassed for her.

Oh look: another man dressed better than Ryan Seacrest!

6:25: George Clooney's girlfriend looks cheap. The fact that Heidi's dress has a train AND the giant collar: Just too much. I think if it were strapless and with the train, it would be good. Amy Ryan's navy dress is the best so far: Classy. I like navy: the runway could use more of it.

6:20I don't know who Ken Baker is, but he's dressed better than Ryan Seacrest. [Thisis who Ken Baker is.] Whoa, Heidi Klum's red dress. Love the color, but the collar scares me. I am not sure why her dress has a giant protruding collar. They say regal. I say deflecting animals who might attack?

6:10: Giuliana is wearing this purple draped gown; Rami Kashou take note! It is bedecked with a sparkly strap. Also, her mike is all blinged out, which is idiotic. But she looks beautiful in purple — perfect with her skin tone. Ladies with olive skin: wear more lavender!

Oh shit: now Kimora is on. Why is she their other fashion guru? She looks like a kept woman, like she is wearing her dressing gown from the boudoir. She says it's J. Mendel. I say it's Concubine.

Oh Jesus, Kimora — Don't call Ellen Page a Plain Jane. That's just rude. Kimora also implied that Miley Cyrus occasionally looks trashy. Pot? Meet Kettle! OH JESUS. THEY ARE SAYING THE LOVE KATHERINE HEIGL BECAUSE SHE'S NOT A SIZE ZERO. And everywhere, women watching start starving themselves. If katherine heigl represents the "average woman" i fear for our gender. Kimora also claims she thinks celebs are getting heavier and heavier. Does she read magazines? Have access to a computer?

6:00: Okay, first Fashion Don't of the evening: Ryan Seacrest. Seriously: what the fuck is he wearing? His jacket has olive/copper lapels. And he's wearing a black tie against a black shirt. Idiot.

Watch live video from Jezebel on Justin.tv

9:00: I love the false stars where you think they are on the island (like how they just showed the papayas) but then you realize they're back in the real world.

9:01 Wait! This scene with hurley getting arrested, is it a flash forward!? Jack seemed to recognize his car.

9:02 Oh shit! It is in the future!

9:08 "The Oceanic 6"? Who doesn't make it back?

9:09 Oh no! Hurley is going insane again.

9:11 I still don't understand why Ben wanted to raise Alex. It's so hard to tell when he's lying or telling the truth!

9:14 It's still really hard for me to accept that Charlie isn't around anymore.

9:22 Is this guy bothering Hurley really who he says he is? No business card! No he's not. Oh, he's scary.

9:26 Who do you guys think that guy who visited Hurley works for? I can't get it off my mind.

9:30 It annoys me that Jack never listens to Kate or her instincts, but it also annoys me that Kate is always insisting on doing stuff like this, going off on her own and shit.

9:33 Oh no, Hurley's at Jacob's crib. this can't be good. OMG! I seriously just jumped when I saw that eyeball.

9:43 OMG! Charlie's back!!!!!

9:45 I'm so confused. I don't know if that's really Charlie, or if it's one of Hurley's imaginary friends, like when Harry, Charlotte's husband on SaTC, was his friend. Or maybe it's some sort of supernatural thing, where someone else is posing as Charlie. Because Charlie never used to call Hurley "Hugo." He didn't even know that was his name.

9:54 If Hurley is taking this stance of listening to Charlie, how does he wind up leaving the island?

9:57 God, Jack looks cute in a suit. Stubble is really the best look for him, castaway or not.

9:59 Helicopters!

10:00 I can't believe we have to wait an entire week for the next episode. IN other news, Jonny Lee Miller is looking old, but still good.

8:03 I watched about 3 minutes of that Miss America Reality Check show, but it was about as confusing to me as why children in American classrooms don't have maps so I gave up on it. I'm going into this thing completely unbiased.

8:04 UGH! Miss One of the Dakotas and that accent!

8:07 So I guess that they're wearing jeans as part of modern make over the pageant was given. DO NOT WANT. To quote Robin Browne, "I like the trash and flash." Gimme gimme more sequins, please

8:08: Miss Wisconsin: "The state where cheese is not only a diary product, it is also a fashion accessory." It also works its way into on-stage introductions, evidently.

8:11 Ooh! I like this sort of walk/dance thing they're doing. Is there going to be a big choreographed number? I hope! Please! Also, I'd appreciate it if someone fell or something.

8:12 Oh shit! Mark Steines is married to a former Miss America? How fitting, considering he's pretty much the human equivalent of Guy Smiley.

8:14 OK, now that it's a commercial, let's have a little history lesson. I know I mentioned bra burning before, but no one at the infamous 1968 Miss America protest in Atlantic City burned their bras. It was actually a rumor spread by a Ms. editor. Some of the women did take off their bras and throw them out though. Liberation starts with your boobs.

8:17 Ha! Justin Timberlake's friend and sometime personal assistant is who they got to judge this thing?

8:22 I am so sick of girls in pageants (or reality show competitions) talking about how Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are bad role models, and how they think girls need to have a good role model to look up to. Did anyone ever think that Paris and LiLo were good role models? And if they did, then they sure as hell won't want to look up to the likes of any of the Miss America contestants, seeing as how those women not only wear underpants, but also glue it to their ass cheeks so they don't get wedgies.

8:26 So apparently the general public was able to vote one of the semi-finalists in, which turns out to be Miss Utah. You know that if she wins, I'm going to have to refer to her as Miss American Idol.

8:28 OK, so let's get a "fierce" count started. That's 1 so far. Oh, well I like that he just gave them some carbs. That's kind of cute. I'm hungry.

8:30 God damn it, is anyone else not liking this whole "let's wear jeans" thing? If I don't see sequins and lace and Swarovski crystals soon, I'll be really pissed the fuck off.

8:31 I'm bored. I am going to get stoned. Right. Now.

8:33 The swimsuit competition is meant to emphasize the importance of fitness and health? I thought it was supposed to emphasize the importance of tits and ass.

8:35 I thought they did away with wearing high heels during the swimsuit competition a few years ago. Am I wrong? I mean, it's totally fitting, considering they're in Vegas. Heels and a bikini totally seem like Vegas style. Being barefoot is totally an Atlantic City thing.

8:38 Miss South Carolina has a bangin' bod. How many of these girls do you think have implants? I would say at least half of the 16 semi-finalists. I really, really don't like this Top Model rip off runway walk thing.

8:41 Ooh, Miss Florida just gave a lil' something extra there. It was like she rubber necked with her whole body.

8:42 Miss Utah is in a one piece? What does she have to hide?! OMG, that little dance at the end was kinda awesome.

8:43 I've never watched What Not to Wear, but I like that this guy just dissed the whole audience for having bad style. It's funny 'cause it's true.

8:51 What the shit is this fuck? I hate these boring black dresses!

8:52 Oh, I'm sad to see Miss Utah go. I liked that little push-up stunt.

8:55 I prefer the dresses in the old footage they're showing like 50 million times better.

8:57 OMG, Paige Page is back on Trading Spaces? I'm gonna watch.

9:01 In other news, my friend Rich left this lighter at my house. I love it. I'm using it right now. You can't tell from that photo, but she has crispy hair.

9:03: Yay! Shiny dresses!!!!

9:04 Miss Michigan's dress looks like a cross between an ice skater and a stripper. It's perfect.

9:07 As Mando323 noted, this is not campy enough. For real.

9:13 This chick singing "Over the Rainbow" sucks.

9:15 Hahahahahahahaahaha. I like this opera girl.

9:22 I really like that there was a baton twirler. That was Suzanne Sugarbaker's talent.

9:37 They're eliminating the girls in a really weird way. Also, I'm sick of singers for talent. I want a magician or something.

9:29 I never knew there was such a thing as "jazz on point." It kinda reminds me of that movie Centerstage when they try to make ballet cool and dance to a Jamiroquai song. God, I love that movie. There was only one gay guy in the whole ballet school!

9:38 Nice little Planet Hollywood commercial the girls just did there.

9:43 What the eff is this new format where girls have to jump at the question in order to answer it? That makes it a little exciting. Maybe.

9:44 Miss Virginia just choked on that question about celebrities and religion.

9:45 Hahahaha. "This is the Paris Hilton question." I love that she is like a category of questions.

9:46 And Lindsay Lohan!!!!! Ha!

9:37 And a Jamie Lynn Spears question. Christ almighty!

9:56 I don't like that the finalists aren't wearing their state sashes because I can't remember who's who.

9:58 Miss Michigan, the girl with the perfect dress won. Pinning on her crown is taking way too long.

10:00 So that's it. No one fell. No one answered a question dreadfully incompetently. No one's boobs popped out. Boring.

[Twiggy's] been with ANTM since Cycle Five, when she replaced Janice Dickinson. Although Cycle Nine has finished taping, Twiggy will be there for the live finale in January, when another lucky catwalker is crowned.

9:00 And I'm done! Now, on to Crowned.

8:58 Chantal said that this "just wasn't meant to be" for her. This isn't the way she's supposed to "make it." Of course. Because Tyra is God, and she determines everyone's destiny.

8:57 America's Next. Top. Model. Is...Duh. Friggin' Saleisha.

8:55 I'm pissed that they didn't go over the girls' portfolios more. I enjoy the retrospective.

8:52 I love how Tyra teaches girls that if someone falls several feet onto their face, don't help them up. KEEP WALKING.

8:49 Dodai hopes that they pull the winner's photo out of Miss J.'s afro.

8:46 Awwwwwwww shit! hahahahahahahaha. Loling my face off that the guy on stilts fell from Chantal's dress. Also, what's up with their coke nails?

8:44 I love that Tyra & Co. walked in there like they were royalty. Tyra is the empress natch. "Walk for me, I say!"

8:36 When the girls asked Jaslene how she was at her final challenge, and she said in her deaf voice, "Oh my God, you guys, I had to go to the bathroom to cr..." I was really hoping she'd say "crap."

8:33 As busted as Jenah's face can sometimes be, I CANNOT believe that Chantal beat her to the final two! Seriously! Now I sort of hope Chantal wins, just so the retardation is brought all the way through.

8:31 GASP! Chantal!?!?!?!?!?!?

8:26 Tyra loves when girls cry. But only when they explain their damaged pasts.

8:25 Jenah, you do have to be rainbows incessantly if you wanna work with Tyra and her merry band of drag queens.

8:22 Tyra is such a bitch for saying that Saleisha pronounces "thing" incorrectly as "theeng." I've actually noticed that Tyra says heel instead of hill. When Lauren Conrad was on her show, she kept saying, "The Heels."

8:20 The girls really hate Jenah, wow. I love that Chantal said she didn't want her little sister to look up to Jenah, when just last week, Jenah cried, saying that she wanted to be a role model for her little sisters.

8:18 OK, does anyone remember the movie Boomerang, when Eddie Murphy's ad agency made a really sexually explicit commercial for lipstick that involved fruit? Yeah, that's what is going on with Wet Slick Fruit Spritzer.

8:11 Ugh! Jay just said to Jenah, "I'm afraid that people will read your insecurity as being bitchy." That's funny Jay, 'cause I read your bitchiness as insecurity.

8:10 Wet Slick Fruit Spritzer sounds like flavored lube.

8:07 You know, Heather would not have been the first model with a disability to win, because Jaslene was. Bitch is so deaf.

8:06 Ew. Did anyone else notice how dirty Jenah's feet are?