• Could Michael Lohan go to jail for the phone calls he's been leaking?

Apparently Dina Lohan has had a protective order since 2005 — and it bans Michael Lohan from communicating with Dina by email or phone through 2011. One of the calls is supposedly from 2008, meaning Michael definitely violated the order. [TMZ]

• A "source" on Nicole Kidman's face at the Country Music Awards: "She looked freakish; She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan." [Page Six]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating! Director Catherine Hardwicke says so! But she says: "It didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film," since KStew was 18. Now that she's 19, it's on! TWILIGHT IS REAL ZOMG SPARKLEVAMP 4EVA BITE ME. [Us]
• Because he is awesome, Johnny Depp has offered to take care of Nicolas Cage's debts. Apparently Johnny was a struggling musician when he met Nic in the '80s, and Nic sent Johnny to his agent, who cast Johnny in Nightmare On Elm Street. [Daily Express]
• Levi Johnston had his Playgirl shoot yesterday, which involved a hockey stick and, naturally, nudity. Levi's manager Tank Jones says: "The shoot was fantastic! People are going to see more of Levi than they thought." Grrrreat. There's another shoot today; may we suggest a moose-skin rug? Or an igloo? [Us]
• Levi Johnston says he sees his upcoming memoir becoming a movie. "I would play myself," he says, naturally. [Gatecrasher]
• As previously mentioned, Chris Brown went to a Footaction store on Wednesday, and was heckled. A woman shouted, "I hope someone beats the fucking shit out of you!" Today Chris will be on Wendy Williams saying he's been "perceived wrong" and I'm definitely remorseful, and it's not something that I take lightly or think that it's, like, under the rug." [Page Six]
• Before the Country Music Awards, Wynonna Judd said Taylor Swift's nomination for Entertainer Of The Year was "too much too soon… I want kids to earn it." But now she says: "My intent was not to take anything from her talent and contributions to the country music industry… Taylor is a beautiful, hard working young woman that deserves the success she has had and I support her as an artist and as a woman in the business." Sure, sure. [Us Magazine]
• Lily Allen has hurt her foot after falling while carrying a suitcase down a flight of stairs. [The Sun]
• DVR alert: Kathy Griffin will be on Law & Order SVU. [TV Guide]
• Balloon Dad Richard Heene turned himself in yesterday and was released on a $5000 bond. [ET]
• Richard Heene will plead guilty to felony charges, his lawyer claims. Mayumi Heene will plead guilty to false reporting to authorities — a misdemeanor. Is there a law against making everyone worry? [NY Post]
• Amy Winehouse is working with a Miami-based producer on her third record, but her visa issues keep her from traveling. [The Sun]
• If you would like to see a mug shot of Cindy Crawford's alleged blackmailer, click the link. He's a former model who took a photograph he found in Cindy's nanny's room, and the pic shows Cindy's daughter bound and gagged for a "prank." [TMZ]
• Nadya Suleman would like for you to know that she is a competent mother. [Us]
• Some guy is auctioning off Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's marriage certificate from when they tied the knot in the Dominican Republic in 1994. The names Jackson + Presley = ca$h. [Perez]
• 20-year-old Daniel Radcliffe smoked pot and a party and it is "news." [Mirror]
• Geena Davis has gained weight and it is "news." [NY Daily News]
• Whoa — Emmy Rossum met Adam Duritz via Twitter? [People]
• BREAKING: Vivica A. Fox and 50 Cent are no longer pissed at each other. [Page Six]
• Rumors abounded but now it's official: Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane are expecting their first child. [Gatecrasher]
• In this video, David Beckham talks about playing with the LA Galaxy today, which means missing an England vs. Brazil game. [Guardian]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $20,000 by British club promoters who claim she accepted money but then did not appear at an event, saying she had a nosebleed. No, really. [NY Post]
• Aerosmith's management reportedly asked Steven Tyler to perform in a wheelchair. "I just wouldn't do it," Tyler told Rolling Stone. Not even if you were contractually obligated to do the gig and hurt yourself acting crazy on stage? Hmm. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Tori Amos' fantasy band would have Janis Joplin on vocals, Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, Bootsy Collins on bass and Zeppelin's John Bonham on drums. [Independent]
• In "10 Questions For Tony Hawk," the skateboarder says: "I don't want to name names. I'm just saying many Olympic sports require less physical effort and less talent than skateboarding." [Time]
• Chris Mann wrote the Three's Company tell-all book Come and Knock on Our Door, and served as consulting producer on NBC's behind-the-scenes movie about Company. On his blog, he writes that before John Ritter died, he was asked about Suzanne Somers' supposed breast cancer, and Ritter said: "We don't know if Suzanne has cancer or not, because she lies." [Retroality.tv]
• Jon & Kate is being replaced by Cake Boss, a show that seems super scripted but still pretty funny. And unlike those weird "challenge" cake shows, the cakes actually look edible and delicious. [NY Post]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor has tax problems. Will she have to move to the country and live on a farm with a pig named Arnold? Oh wait. That was Eva. Anyway, Bernard Madoff is to blame for this. [TMZ]
• Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009 airs December 19, and will feature the best holiday sketches from the show's 35-year history. [NY Post]
• TMZ lifted images from Radar Online. [Page Six]
• The Coen brothers are remaking True Grit, with Josh Brolin instead of John Wayne. [NY Daily News]
• "Look, I really am the last British actor who's not in any of the Harry Potter films. I was looking for something I could do that would make me cool in the eyes of my daughter." — Michael Sheen, of Frost/Nixon and, more importantly, New Moon. He also says: "I had to say to my daughter, 'I heard someone talking about this character Aro in these books. Do you know anything about that?' And she said, 'Yes, he's the leader of the Volturi and he reads people's minds. Are you playing him?' Of course I said, 'no, no, no'. When it was all worked out, she cried. Then she hit me." [Independent]
• It feels weird to do interviews because I don't understand why anyone wants to talk to me. There were all these other guys in high school that were bigger, funnier, and more handsome than I was, so why do you care about what I have to say? You should ask them." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I'm not aware of any fans. I do nothing to live in secrecy, but I really don't get recognized anywhere. Though I was walking my dog recently when someone yelled, 'Hey, Jason!' They said it so sweetly that I turned around and said, 'Hey!' Then they said, 'Fuck you, you asshole!' and drove away." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I had friends growing up, but I struggled to feel like I really fit in. If I was invited to a party, I would just end up sitting on a couch or standing in a corner by myself. But it wasn't like I was getting beat up or anything. I wish I had gotten beaten up, because at least that would've justified why I felt so homesick all the time, even though I was home." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "Susan Boyle is a lovely gracious woman, and I took advantage of that by poking fun at her." — Sharon Osboune, who, a week ago, said SuBo looked like she'd been hit by a "fucking ugly stick." [NY Post]
• We were disappointed, but we understand. He's only 1. But we were in Alaska and have plenty of footage of Trig." — Barbara Walters wanted to have Sarah Palin's grandson Trig in the studio, but he has a cold and couldn't make it. [Page Six]
• "It's disgusting that people would say those things. My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady. There's gonna be a time when I'm way curvier, and that'll be sexy, too." — Ashlee Simpson is tired of people calling Jessica Simpson fat. Ashlee also says her husband loves her body:"Pete isn't worried about stretch marks," she says. "He always makes me feel good." [Gatecrasher]
• "I have half-a-dozen close friends and Mariah is among the dearest. I flatter myself that the relationship is reciprocal: Mariah and I share a strong, sisterly friendship. She signs off all her letters to me with the affectionate endearment: 'Your sis, M.' Though she is stupendously rich and I am relatively poor, it is a friendship of equals. She visits me in my small home; I am a frequent guest at her various mansions and holiday villas all over the world." — from a piece written by a former MTV host who stayed friends with Mariah Carey after meeting her through work. [Daily Mail]
• "There are so many young girls wearing too much makeup, too much hairspray — I find that very dated." — Victoria Beckham. [Gatecrasher via Harper's Bazaar UK]

• Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise were surprise guests at a "massive" Scientology party in England last week.

Four thousand other Scientologists — including John Travolta and Kelly Preston — were part of a "rapturous, fist-pumping crowd." It was the 25th anniversary of the International Association of Scientologists. Fun? Oh, also: There were protesters outside, and Tom said: "They're squirrels. Stuck in an electronic incident. It makes me so angry!" Wait, what? [Us Magazine]

• Speaking of Travolta: The extortion case has gone to the jury. [TMZ]
• This could be amazing: Ridley Scott is in talks with Angelina Jolie to play a femme fatale role in Gucci — a drama about murder and decadence in the Gucci fashion dynasty. In 1995, right before he was about to reestablish the brand by debuting Tom Ford's line, Maurizio, the grandson of founder Guccio Gucci, was gunned down in Milan. [Variety]
• I'm sure you'll find this simply shocking, but Gerard Butler has had a threesome in the past year. [The Sun]
• What's this? Renée Zellweger says she hasn't signed on for a third Bridget Jones flick?!?! "I get asked every single day, and I don't know anything," she says. "It's a rumor." [E!, Us]
• Halle Berry's daughter Nahla is learning to play golf. No, really: daddy Gabirel Aubry says: "She's learning to play golf. She has a little hole in the backyard." [People]
• Rumpus, a Great Dane who starred in three Lady Gaga music videos, was found dead after a hike in Los Angeles. [TMZ]
• Colin Farrell has a newborn son, his second child. [Independent]
• Heidi Montag didn't go to her sister Holly Montag's birthday party because no one was paying her an appearance fee. [Fox News]
• Poor Dave Chappelle was trying to set the Laugh Factory's endurance record for continuous stand up comedy, but five hours into his routine, he walked away to go to the bathroom. Disqualified! [USA Today]
• Boo. Mark Ronson will never work with Lily Allen again. Boo. [The Sun]
• A series of emails reveal that the Swiss Federal Office of Justice faxed the U.S. Office of International Affairs letting the Americans know about Roman Polanski's planned appearance in Zurich and asking if the US would be submitting a request for Polanski's arrest. [CBS News]
• Three New York prison officials have quit their jobs following a scandal involving rapper Foxy Brown; they reportedly let her do a photo shoot to promote her new album, despite the fact that she was behind bars. Investigators will try to reveal if she received preferential treatment. You think? [Contact Music]
• Gossip Girl paychecks: Blowing in the wind. [Page Six]
• Alec Baldwin's got jokes! Speaking at the Elle Women In Hollywood event, he said: "I want to assure you that I didn't steal this role from a more qualified woman. There was an audition process. The audition required me to move a couch, fall asleep in front of the TV, and open a particularly stubborn jar of pickles." And! ""If Tom Cruise would simply lower his quote by a mere $29 million, my salary would not make a difference. My annual salary is the budget for Altoids on one of Tom's movies." And! Renée Zellweger "is so tiny, but she's got a big voice. I've been to parties with her and you can hear her voice anywhere, but you can't understand a word she says." More at the link. [People]
• Mischa Barton is trying to trademark her name in Australia, but there's already a company called Mischa Accessories. What to do?!?! [News.com.au]
• Victoria Beckham will be a guest judge on So You Think You Can Dance — in the UK. Sorry 'Mericans. [Daily Mail]
• Viewers submitted almost 9,000 questions for Kate Gosselin to answer during her TLC one-hour special on Monday. Here's one more: When will you go away? [People]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Life & Style is proclaiming its latest issue (out today) a "Special Gosselin-Free Issue." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Guy Ritchie is a distant relative of King Edward 1, and when you look at a side by side comparison, there's a resemblance! The nose? And the jaw? [Daily Mail]
• Rob Burnett, executive producer of The Late Show with David Letterman, has replied to NOW, who called the workplace a "toxic environment." Burnett's letter reads: "As an employee of David Letterman's since 1985, I have personally found the work environment on his shows to be fair, professional and entirely merit-based at all times." He also points out that 58% of the Late Show staff are women. [LA Times]
• A fan approached Freida Pinto in London; Freida accidentally bumped into her; the woman stumbled and fell in front of a car; Freida rushed to make sure the woman was okay; everyone was fine and it was a happy ending caught on camera. [This Is London]
• Take a deep breath and relax: Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's prenup is a done deal. [TMZ]
• OMG! Dancing With The Stars flu outbreak! Run for the hills! [People]
• Salman Rushdie is pissed that his ex-girlfriend said he was still obsessed with his ex-wife, Padma Lakshmi. He says: "I long ago turned the page and moved on." [Page Six]
• Glenn Beck travels with an armed guard. Even when he goes to the bathroom. [Page Six]
• "A strip club worker accused of beating to death the ex-fiance of a Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member has been freed on bond." [CBS News]
• At the link: James Gandolfini, Elaine Stritch and fat jokes. [Page Six]
• Blind items! "Which married music mogul is said to have impregnated an unmarried woman who works for his label in marketing? She's on maternity leave while he's mulling options. Which still gorgeous ex-supermodel doesn't use her own skin-care line, which she hawks on TV? She secretly uses Somme Institute's MDT5 regimen instead. Which son of a rock icon used his name to score six free tickets to a Broadway show, but then never showed up?" [Page Six]
• "The trouble is, before, I felt married to two people — Pete and our management." — Whatshername. [Daily Mail]
• "I wish to make it perfectly clear for the record that my manager, Claire Powell, who I have known for the past 16 years, is my manager and a personal friend. She has never betrayed me or done anything other than support me, which is more than can be said for my ex wife." — Whatshisname. [The Sun]
• "There were times when I thought that a whole bottle of pills would go down easy… Then I noticed the gun in my hand. I was careless with it… I kept my finger pressed right to that trigger … and if I moved that finger an inch in the right direction… I would have blown my brains out." — Hulk Hogan writes about his suicidal thoughts after his divorce in his new book. [Page Six, Gatecrasher]
• "I am an atheist. I have a very different take on who God is. Man invented God because he needed him. God is us." — 87-year-old Carl Reiner, who has two new books out. The story at the link details his fascinating life from a high schooler in New York to working in the garment industry to becoming a writer/director. [LA Times]
• "I know what they're eating and I know what they're doing. Their friends' parents understand their vegetarian and no-TV needs. I give them age-appropriate messages. It's just like most parents don't allow alcohol or cigarettes. I tell them that everyone does things differently and that's OK. It's very important to us to raise nonjudgmental children who don't go finger-wagging. When they're driving themselves around, they're going to make their own decisions, but fast food isn't something I'm gonna facilitate. Still, at some point they"re going to make their own decisions. You give your children wings so they can fly." — Mayim Bialik on raising her kids holistically and via "green mothering." [HuffPo]
• "I've offered to come on Saturday Night Live because I thought I would help them get the ratings. Because clearly that humor that they had when they first had Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi ... has gone (with) this (current) cast of characters. I thought I would show some benevolence as governor and help them out a little bit." — Governor David Paterson, who is often mocked on SNL for being blind. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I've written two autobiographies and posed for Playboy. I think I've pretty much been out there. But this is definitely the most exposed I've ever been." — Carnie Wilson on her hew reality series, Carnie Wilson: Unstapled, in which viewers will see her trying to take off about 50 pounds of "baby weight." [AP]
• "We've had a real good collaboration. Crucially, she approved me as director, and she didn't have to. We had some discussions that were very important — my convincing her that I didn't want to take her baby and run away with it, or tell a story that was counter to the spirit of what she was trying to tell. I see myself, in the last few movies I've done, as adapting literary properties into film, so that's how I treated this one. We got along like a house on fire." — Chris Weitz, who's directing New Moon, kept in contact with Twilight series author Stephenie Meyer. [Hollywood Reporter]
• "I like kissing women sometimes. Women are pretty. It doesn't mean I'm necessarily sleeping with them." — Adam "Glambert" Lambert, to Details. You saw the pix, right? [Page Six]
• "He was eating chips and dip and he was laughing so hard, he started choking. I thought I'd killed Tony Romo. Here it would be like killing David Beckham or Pele, it was a scary moment."— Jeremy Piven told a deadly joke. [Mirror]
• "We have found the quality of life so much more enriching and fulfilling. The civility, the culture, the people and its beauty have reawakened me and have smoothed out some of my bleak and jagged views about people and life." — Lisa Marie Presley, who had twins last year, has left L.A. for London. [Contact Music]
• "[Quitting the show] was a complete anomaly in my life and my career. I've never missed out on anything. I relished the opportunity to be on Broadway… It's the holy grail for people like me. But I was incredibly ill. The levels of mercury I had, they had no reference for them. I had to be retested three times. Sometimes when you work without stopping, your body gives in. That is what happened. I've done more movies than years I've been alive. All I've done is work… I arrived in Los Angeles in my early 20s and I've been pounding the pavement ever since. But it wasn't until Entourage that my work became accessible to so many people. If there's one thing I'm prepared for, it's rejection." — Jeremy Piven. [Guardian]
• "Sitting on an island smoking my first joint." — Tyler Perry, when asked where he would like to be in 10 years. [Page Six]
• "I told them, don't ask me to grow out my hair or lose any weight. I want to represent real women who have curves." — Amber Rose on signing with Ford Models. She did, however, agree not to get any more tattoos. [LA Times]

• Lady Gaga on those nasty hermaphrodite rumors:

"My little vagina is very offended." [News.com.au]

• Celebrities seen attending DJ AM's memorial — designed to resemble a 12-step meeting — include Lindsay Lohan, Robert Downey Jr., John Mayer, Nicole Richie, Samantha Ronson, Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart. [AP, People]
• Susan Boyle's album is topping Amazon's bestsellers list, even though it's not on sale until November. Pre-orders have the album out-selling Whitney Houston and the Twilight soundtrack. [Daily Mail]
• So you know how Chris Brown critiqued Oprah for doing a show on domestic violence, dedicated to "all the Rihannas of the world"? He called it "a slap in the face." And he said: "I did a lot of stuff for her, like going to Africa and performing for her school. She could've been more helpful, like, ‘OK, I'm going to help both of these people out.'" A source says: "He's done. Whatever goodwill he had, he's totally ruined it by saying that. What was he thinking? And who the hell goes up against Oprah? It just shows he doesn't think. No one is going to want him as the face of their brand." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Meanwhile: Rihanna has been seen being "touchy-feely" with "scenester" Travis London. [NY Daily News]
• Michael Jackson's burial last night gave Katherine Jackson closure, sources say. "Everyone's been telling her how strong she is, but even she said, ‘It's not always easy to be this strong,'" says Rev. Al Sharpton, a Jackson family friend. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Paris Jackson cried when she stepped into the mausoleum where her father was to be entombed; Katherine Jackson started to go in but turned back, overcome by grief. [AP]
• Lisa Marie Presley, Elizabeth Taylor, Chris Tucker, Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis attended Michael Jackson's burial. Gladys Knight sang. [People]
• Michael Jackson was not buried at Neverland — or in Gary, Indiana, because his family wanted a "secluded, dignified resting place fitting for a music legend." His mother, Katherine, wanted to be able to visit her son without fanfare or fans. [Mirror]
• An Australian newspaper mocked Russell Crowe for smoking and eating a big meal during a recent bike ride. Naturally Russell has challenged the paper's gossip columnist to a "duel by bicycle." Apparently Russell's spokesperson called the guy the next day and said: Get on your bike. Russell wants you to go riding with him. Are you ready to die?" [Breitbart]
• Lisa Ling says that when her sister Laura Ling was held captive in North Korea, Diane Sawyer reached out: "She made calls and took meetings on our behalf for which we will be forever grateful." [People]
• We've seen a lot of Jon Gosselin lately, but not a lot of his girlfriend. A source says of Hailey Glassman: "Hailey actually hates the fact that Jon is famous. She doesn't want to be photographed and doesn't like the attention." [Page Six]
• Zooey Deschanel is "scrambling to slim down" for her wedding; she's been taking ballet workouts back to back. Or maybe she just likes the workout? [Page Six]
• Joy Behar is silly. [Page Six]
• Newly released emails from Carrie Prejean show that she and the pageant officials were butting heads way before she spoke out on same-sex unions. In a March 19 email, Carrie wrote to Miss California co-director Keith Lewis: "I WILL NOT BE VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ANYMORE BY ANY OF YOU. I HAVE A COMPETITION TO PREPARE FOR. I WILL NO LONGER BE DEALING WITH ANYONE WHO IS GOING TO BRING ME DOWN AT THIS POINT. I WILL ONLY SURROUND MYSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME HAPPY. AND RIGHT NOW, THAT IS NONE OF YOU. I WILL SEE YOU ALL IN APRIL. PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME AT ALL FROM THIS POINT FORWARD." [Fox News]
• "Donald Trump is such a hands-on boss that he personally helps pick six of the 15 finalists in the Miss Universe pageant each year — because the preliminary judges often overlook the most beautiful contestants." [Page Six]
• Check out this "commercial" for "Fecalux," starring Roseanne. It makes you poop. [ONTD]
• All About Steve "is an oddly creepy, sour film, featuring a heroine so desperate and peculiar that audiences may be more likely to pity than root for her." [Rotten Tomatoes]
• Jake Brockman, a former keyboard player with Echo and the Bunnymen, was killed in a motorcycle crash Tuesday on the Isle of Man. [BBC News]
• Whatshername says Whatshisname has a "secret lover." [The Sun]
• "I hope this show is a huge hit and that people love it. Because I like playing this character more than any character I've ever played." — Courteney Cox on upcoming show Cougar Town. [LA Times]
• "The older I get, the younger the leading man gets." — Michelle Pfeiffer. [Telegraph]
• "I've always said I believe in good music and bad music. ...I like music. My next album, which I'm working on now — that's exclusive, no one knows that — is gonna be the album that really ...it's not gonna be a #1 album. That's where I'm at right now. I wanna make the most experimental album I ever made." — Jay-Z. [MTV News]
• "People often look for deep psychological and emotional reasons why people eat, and I'm sure for many people those exist. But other people, and I would include myself, are just fucking greedy bastards who like eating. It's nice – it's a nice feeling. Eating chocolate is nice, right? Chocolate's fucking great. So I don't think it was a horrible self-comforting thing, I think it was just lack of self-discipline. Most people want a load of chocolate, but they stop. They think, if I do that I'll get fat. Whereas I just thought, I don't care." — Little Britain's Matt Lucas, who has recently lost weight because his doctor had warned him he was at risk of becoming diabetic. [Guardian]
• "You can live a very normal life if you don't actually look for things. Someone said, 'Oh, I saw a picture of you on the Internet, that was a really pretty hat.' Not hat, I don't wear hats. 'That was a really great dress!' I was like, 'Oh, I just wore that the other day, how did you know?' 'Oh, well, on blank-blank-blank-dot-com.' I wouldn't know. I don't know whose movie made money — I haven't seen a movie. I don't know who's famous and who's not, I don't know any young people that are coming up. I'll see somebody, and I'll say, 'That girl's really pretty.' And someone may say, 'Oh, of course, she's on "The Hills" or something.' Is that a show? I've got strong opinions, and I can get short. But I'm just not that high-maintenance. So the whole world knows I had miscarriages. And yes, I've done in vitro however many times — three times. Yes, I've said that David and I go to therapy. Yes. Nothing's too precious for me. For some reason, I don't care. I wish I could be a little bit more, like, 'You're trying to dig something out of me,' and me being like, 'I'm not going to talk about that.' What do you want to talk about? I don't care." — Courteney Cox. [LA Times]
• "I don't enjoy being looked at. But that's part of being successful, doing magazine covers. It's very masochistic – the one thing you're so afraid of you become addicted to. I'm addicted to being uncomfortable." — Megan Fox. [NY Daily News via Wonderland Magazine]

• Jessica Biel is "the most dangerous celebrity to search in cyberspace," according to security software firm McAfee.

Searching for "Jessica Biel photos" or "Jessica Biel videos," you have a one in five chance of landing on a site that's got spyware, adware, spam, phishing, viruses and other malware. Last year Brad Pitt was number one. This year poor lonely Jennifer Aniston is number 3, behind Beyoncé. [MSNBC]

• In The UK, Whatshername is the most dangerous. [Telegraph]
• Sensitive headline of the day: "IT'S JACKO-CIDE!" [NY Post]
• Cops say that Dr. Conrad Murray waited 82 minutes after Michael Jackson had stopped breathing before dialing 911. Record show that Dr. Murray was on the phone for 47 minutes — in three separate calls — before dialing 911. [People]
• La Toya Jackson will do a one-on-one interview with Barbara Walters, to air Friday, September 11. La Toya released a statement which reads: "I am thankful to the investigators for uncovering the truth to the world, and I look forward to the day that justice will be to served to all the parties involved in my brother's homicide." [ABC News]
• Susan Etok, A doctor from the UK is saying that Michael Jackson wanted to get her pregnant: "He wanted to use his sperm and my eggs to become a dad again. "He was really fixated on my genes." [The Sun]
• Dr. Etok also has written a letter to President Obama, urging him to consider "harsher punitive measures" for "unethical Doctors." [TMZ]
• More evidence that Michael Jackson was not broke, but cash poor. [TMZ]
• "I've known Michael for over a decade and there were times when I could not wake up Michael Jackson." — Uri Geller. [Mirror]
• Janet Jackson will chair the AmfAR event in Milan during Fashion Week. [WWD]
• Kate Gosselin will be on Larry King Live tonight. Are we sick of her yet? [ET]
• On September 14, Oprah Winfrey will announce her first new book club pick in over year. She Tweeted she had "never made a selection like 'this.'" [USA Today]
• The father of Ryan Jenkins says: "If my son was guilty, he was crazy… He was not the boy we knew. The boy we knew was not capable of anything remotely close to this act." [E!]
• Pop star and juvenile diabetes spokesperson Nick Jonas wants to be president. "As much as I joke about it and kind of say it to get a laugh, it is somewhat serious. I don't know if it will happen." [Reuters]
• Crash diet alert: Leonardo DiCaprio is working on an action flick called Inception, directed by The Dark Knight's Christopher Nolan. Apparently there's a scene in which he needs to appear "emaciated," so Leo is cutting back calories and exercising rigorously. [Radar Online]
• Speaking of weight loss, Mark Wahlberg is worried that Christian Bale, his costar in The Fighter, has dropped too many pounds to play a drug-addicted boxer. God, remember The Machinist? [MSNBC via National Enquirer]
• Robin Williams will not be putting on a wig and pantyhose to play Susan Boyle in a biopic, despite what you may have heard. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Kari Ann Peniche, the woman in the Rebecca Gayheart/Eric Dane video, may have effed up by signing a deal with E! for an exclusive interview, and then talking to some magazine. [Gatecrasher]
• Mickey Rourke: Delayed at JFK security on his way to Bosnia. Screeners rifled through his bags and asked him how much money he was carrying. [Gatecrasher]
• Britney Spears took her kids on a pedicab ride through Central Park. [Gatecrasher]
• Bronx Wentz may go into show business. He's been going to work with his mom Ashlee Simpson on the set of Melrose Place and she says: "I'm all about whatever it is Bronx likes to do and wants to do. Definitely going to follow what it is that he loves and hope to be a great parent in that way." [E!]
• David Letterman's former nanny has written a book called Harry and Horsie, based on a homemade gift for Letterman's son four years ago. [USA Today]
• Shia LaBeouf and his Wall Street 2 costar Carey Mulligan: It's on. [Gatecrasher]
• Bob Dylan is in talks with some car companies about being the voice of their GPS systems. He joked that it would probably sound like: "Left at the next street. No, right. You know what? Just go straight." Then he said: "I probably shouldn't do it because whichever way I go, I always end up at one place - on Lonely Avenue." [Mirror]
• Kim Kardashian will executive produce a reality show about her publicist pal Jonathan Cheban. Behind-the-scenes drama! [Page Six]
• Magician David Blaine wasn't rescued by lifeguards from rough surf over the weekend, he was "escorted." "I did swim back by myself," he notes. [Page Six]
• Katy Perry is talking about her boobs again; this time she auctioned a cast of them for charity and claims: "They had to get extra plaster to cast them because they are so big.I was very proud because it was early in my career and they fetched 3,500 dollars, which I think is pretty good." [The Sun]
• Guess who's (maybe) getting her on TV show? Candy Spelling. A scripted show, not a reality show. Candy says, "I wouldn't do a reality show." And! Daughter Tori Spelling says if her mom did get a show, "I wish her the best." [Radar Online]
• Eddie Cibrian's estranged wife to LeAnn Rimes: "He's all yours." [UPI]
• "Eddie is a compulsive liar, cheater and a home wrecker. And he has been an absentee father." — Eddie Cibrian's wife, Brandi Glanville. Estranged wife, that is. [MSNBC via Us Weekly]
• Is this a joke? Pauly Shore has a reality show called Adopted, about his efforts to adopt an African child. [Page Six]
• Lisa Marie Presley's nanny claims she was forced to work 7 days a week without meal breaks or getting overtime. [TMZ]
• Poor 87-year-old Jack Klugman is still trying to get cash from doing TV Show Quincy, M.E. from 1976-1983. This is his second lawsuit over this issue. [Reuters]
• Whatshername is pregnant again?!?!?! [Telegraph]
• "I never really criticized John… He was a very soft-centered guy and we had a lot more in common than people think." — Paul McCartney on John Lennon. [Mirror]
• "Thankfully my sister is with her… I talk to either my sister or my mother, if she is able to talk, every day and sometimes more than once,. But it's been bad. I was trying to get away two weekends ago and then, pow. Something came up with Lifetime and they wanted me to do something and I just - I am very loyal to them. Whatever they want, I'll do it." — Tim Gunn's Project Runway schedule has been keeping him from his dying mother. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I have to confess I always hated any person from Scotland who went and lost their accent in the slightest. But I've spent a year-and-a-half now playing roles as an American and I'm not comfortable enough doing those accents only when we film, so I have to keep it up all the time. I really hate myself for doing that." —Gerard Butler. [Mirror]
• "I love to spoil Harlow." — Joel Madden. [Page Six]
• "I feel empowered. Finally. When you don't believe in yourself, you feel like you're living in fear. You don't give yourself the opportunity to believe that you can. And as much as you tell yourself you can't do it, you end up not doing it. Me? I was complacent and comfortable where I was. Here, sometimes it's like my music didn't quite work, but overseas it's on top of everybody's chart. I've had more international success than domestic success, and I think that opens my eyes up to music. I mean, I just got back from performing in Lebanon. Lebanon!"— Kelly Rowland, who sings three tracks on French DJ David Guetta's One Love. [USA Today]
• "I mean this from the bottom of my heart: I don't care if I win. I'm not doing this to try and prove that I'm better than someone else at something, I'm doing it because it scares me. Dancing is something that I've always really wanted to be able to do, but never had the confidence and the technique, if you know what I mean. I'm not very graceful, so it's just something that absolutely terrifies me - and it's the main reason that I kind of wanted to do it."— Kelly Osbourne, on Dancing With The Stars. [Daily Mail]
• "Yes, it's true, I don't date Black men. I never have. It's not a prejudice. It's just a personal preference. People always think that Big Papa is Black. I don't know why. I've never dated a Black man. It's not to say it wouldn't happen in the future, but at this time, I never have." — Real Housewife Kim Zolciak. [ONTD]

• A judge has approved an agreement granting Katherine Jackson permanent custody of Michael Jackson's children. Debbie Rowe, who did not attend the hearing, agreed not to fight for custody in exchange for visitation rights.

• A hearing to address a few remaining issues was scheduled for October. [CNN]
• Here's a minute by minute account of what went down in the courtroom. [TMZ]
• J. Randy Taraborrelli has written a Michael Jackson biography in which he claims Michael only married Debbie Rowe because of pressure from his family and fans. Lisa Marie Presley however was the "love of his life," but she didn't want to have children with Michael because she didn't think their marriage was strong enough. [CBS News]
• Several of Michael Jackson's friends say he denied that Omer Bhatti was his son, but Good Morning America claims an exclusive video of the two jet skiing on vacation together "raises more questions." Joe Jackson did claim Omer is Michael's son last week, but friends think Joe just wants to sign Omer to his new record label. [ABC News]
• Police sources say multiple eyewitnesses are backing up Mel Gibson's claim that he didn't get into a fight with a photographer or rip his shirt. "The Mel Gibson case is almost finished," said the police source. [Radar Online]
• Mischa Barton was "well behaved" at a Peter Bjorn concert this weekend, but she was seen smoking, so it seems that rumor that Nicole Richie made her quit wasn't true. [Radar]
• At the event Mischa Barton said, "I'm feeling great! I'm really happy," and said The Beautiful Life is "Going really well... I'm excited." [Ok]
• Jon and Kate Plus 8 returns from hiatus tonight. As you've no doubt noticed, "Team Kate" has gathered steam in the past few weeks as everyone got to know the two-timing, Ed Hardy-wearing, Michael Lohan-loving side of Jon Gosselin. [CNN]
• In this behind the scenes video, the U.K. Elle crew doesn't do a very good job hiding the fact that they were annoyed at Lindsay Lohan during her cover shoot. But she arrive 12 hours late, so it's understandable. [People]
• Bradley Cooper's rep denies that he had a rendezvous with Jennifer Aniston in Washington, D.C. this weekend. "It didn't happen, they were not there together," said the rep. "Bradley was there on a stop-over from his USO tour." He could have at least waited for the tabloids to report that they're back together before denying the story. [People]
• Previously unseen photos of The Beatles taken in the mid-1960s at a hotel in Bridgeport, England are up for auction. The seller says, "They are spur of the moment pictures and not posed up like so many that you see. They are wearing suits and in one John Lennon is playing with a Box Brownie camera and they seem happy posing with the hotel owner." [The Telegraph]
• Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee partied together this weekend in Las Vegas, so TMZ thinks they're back together. [TMZ]
• Bethenny Frankel says the deal for her own TV show is "unsigned," and "I'm definitely going to do the Housewives this season... It's been great … I love it. I understand we start filming [season 3] in September." [People]
• Sam Worthington will star opposite Charlize Theron in a remake of the 2005 French spy thiller The Tourist. Tom Cruise was originally considering Worthington's role. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• An Us editor says Nadya Suleman told him after she had six kids she asked her sperm donor to help her again, but he refused so she used their frozen embryos left over from previous procedures. The editor adds, "She said that one of her great regrets is that, after having the kids, he is no longer part of their lives." [CBS News]
• Here are some spoilers about the new season of Gossip Girl from Leighton Meester, Penn Badgley, Michelle Trachtenberg, and Jessica Szohr. [E!]
• Everyone freaked out when New Moon's Jamie Campbell Bower said, "We just all sit there, completely naked, for one scene... it's me, Michael Sheen and Christopher [Heyerdahl]; we just sit there, naked." But director Chris Weitz says, "I would like to put everyone's mind at rest and let them know that the Volturi are not naked! Jamie has what you might call a dry sense of humor and almost managed to convince me – which is why he's such a good actor. Anyway, be assured that, even though we do want the look of the Volturi to be a bit of a surprise, they are always – as in the book! – fully clothed." [People]
• Joan Rivers said of Kathy Griffin, who hosted her upcoming Comedy Central roast, "She can fucking drop dead now, I'm so angry." Then Joan laughed and added, "She was evil. We made a pact. No matter what we say on camera ... we stay friends forever. And she really lets me have it." [People]
• Deborah Gibson's boyfriend, a doctor who specializes in preventative medicine, helped her lose 17 pounds by coming up with a diet and exercise plan for her. "I thought I had just 5 lbs. to lose," she says, "But as it went on, I realized that I needed to drop a few more." [People]
• Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray says his band knows they're not going to be selling out arenas, so their they made their first album in six years "purely for the love." It's entitled Music for Cougars. "Our fans qualify as cougars," says McGrath. "There's no negative slant. It's a word of empowerment. Cougars are great!" [People]

Following Paris's brief, heartbreaking eulogy (which was reportedly an unplanned portion of the broadcast), every news magazine program, cable news show, local news broadcasts, and countless morning shows replayed (and continue to reply) the footage several times over. Granted, it was the first time that any of Jackson's children — who rarely left the house without their faces covered — spoke publicly, and Paris' words humanized a man, who, for many, remained both a caricature and an enigma. (Even Magic Johnson was so star struck by Jackson, that he recalled being shocked to learn that the late singer ate Kentucky Fried Chicken.)

So it's not surprising that there's growing sense, with each re-airing, that networks are trying to somehow sensationalize her grief. (It also didn't help that, while on stage, many hands of various Jacksons — a family notorious for forcing children into the spotlight — grabbed the mic in front of her face to adjust it for her.) But doesn't a girl her age deserve to have some agency ascribed to her?

Because she was so fiercely shielded from the press for her whole life, we never really got to see much of Paris, or what she was like. But we do know that, throughout most of his life, Michael Jackson was drawn to outspoken women with strong personalities: Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minnelli, Cher,and Brooke Shields, among others. Even the two women Jackson married, Debbie Rowe and Lisa Marie Presley, were not exactly the type to be pushed around. Is it possible that the strength and spunk shared by Jackson's female companions are the same ones that informed how he raised his daughter?

This isn't much to go by, but judging from the private home video footage released to the media in the past two weeks, Jackson's relationship with his children seemed not only natural, but extremely sweet and loving. In this clip, toddler Paris seems to be displaying a comically cranky attitude toward her father's camcorder:

Seeing that footage immediately reminded me of when Debbie Rowe (who I think must be Paris' biological mother, considering the striking resemblance) snapped at cameramen over the weekend.

Anyway, on both last night's 20/20 and this morning's View, Barbara Walters — who sat with the Jackson family at the memorial service — made special mention of how alert, engaged and self-aware Paris seemed yesterday. (She was one of the first to jump to her feet for a standing ovation when Al Sharpton addressed her and her brothers.) Perhaps Paris was finally sick of the claustrophobic, filtering spokespeople, relatives and masks that have surrounded her and decided to put an end to at least one of the many mysteries surrounding Michael Jackson: His parenting. I think he might be proud.

Related: Paris Jackson's Speech Was Not Planned [People]

Paris Jackson's Tearful Goodbye [Salon]

• Michael Jackson's autopsy will be performed today. [TMZ]

• Michael Jackson's brother Jermaine said that a team of doctors tried to resuscitate Michael for an hour. [TMZ]
• This report claims that Michael Jackson had been given an injection of Demerol before he collapsed. "Shortly after taking the Demerol, he started to experience slow, shallow breathing. His breathing gradually got slower and slower until it stopped," a source says. [NY Post]
• Michael Jackson died $500 million in debt. [NY Post]
• Michael Jackson's kids are "very upset" but "fine," whatever that means. [The Sun]
• Michael Jackson has reportedly left The Beatles catalog to Paul McCartney. [Spinner]
• Elton John was in the middle of his annual White Tie and Tiara Ball when he found out about Michael Jackson's death, and dedicated "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me" to him. [TMZ]
• Lou Ferrigno had been working as Michael Jackson's trainer for the upcoming tour, and Ferrigno's wife says: "he's in total shock ... he thought he was going to be training Michael tomorrow." [TMZ]
• Liz Taylor is "too devastated" to comment. [E!]
• "The saddest aspect to this tragedy is that so many watched it happen and few did anything to stop it. I pray that Michael's death will not be in vain and that we see a return, even among Hollywood celebrities to the spiritual and family values that are life sustaining." — Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, who worked with Michael Jackson on a charity called Heal The Kids. [Extra]
• Madonna had planned to make surprise appearances at Michael Jackson's 50-date shows in London. [Daily Express]
• "I can't stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson. The world has lost one of the greats, but his music will live on forever! My heart goes out to his three children and other members of his family. God bless." — Madonna. [People]
• "I am absolutely devastated at this tragic and unexpected news. For Michael to be taken away from us so suddenly at such a young age, I just don't have the words. Divinity brought our souls together on The Wiz and allowed us to do what we were able to throughout the '80s. To this day, the music we created together on Off The Wall, Thriller and Bad is played in every corner of the world and the reason for that is because he had it all…talent, grace, professionalism and dedication. He was the consummate entertainer and his contributions and legacy will be felt upon the world forever. I've lost my little brother today, and part of my soul has gone with him." — Quincy Jones. [ET]
• "We have lost a genius and a true ambassador of not only Pop music but of all music. He has been an inspiration to multiple generations, and I will always cherish the moments I shared with him on stage and all of the things I learned about music from him and the time we spent together. My heart goes out to his family and loved ones." — Justin Timberlake. [People, TMZ]
• "I am so very sad and confused with every emotion possible. I am heartbroken for his children, who I know were everything to him, and for his family. This is such a massive loss on so many levels, words fail me." — Lisa Marie Presley. [People, Extra]
• Priscilla Presley says: "I'm in shock, as I know everyone must be." [Extra]
• "When we worked together on 'Bad,' I was in awe of his absolute mastery of movement on the one hand, and of the music on the other. Every step he took was absolutely precise and fluid at the same time. It was like watching quicksilver in motion." — director Martin Scorcese. "Dazed in the studio. A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us. RIP MJ." — John Mayer. Many more quotes from stars at the link. [AP]
• Twitter tributes here, including quotes from Lindsay Lohan, Samantha Ronson, Mariah Carey and Kim Kardashian, who had her 14th birthday party at Neverland Ranch and had known Michael Jackson her entire life. [Mirror]
• More quotes from stars here, including Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jaime Foxx and Dionne Warwick. [NY Post]
• "Just as there will never be another Fred Astaire or Chuck Berry or Elvis Presley, there will never be anyone comparable to Michael Jackson. His talent, his wonderment and his mystery make him legend." — Steven Spielberg. [EW]
• "I was so excited to see his show in London. We were going to be on tour in Europe at the same time and I was going to fly in to see him. He has been an inspiration throughout my entire life and I'm devastated he's gone!" — Britney Spears. [E!]
• Will Justin Timberlake step in and do concerts in London to replace some of MJ's O2 gigs? [The Sun]
• Yesterday, a bus full of tourists were driving by Michael Jackson's house to see his front gate — instead they saw paramedics rushing away from the scene. [TMZ]
• Heavy volume — caused by people searching for information about Michael Jackson's death — caused the internet to slow down yesterday. [BBC News]
• Tippi Hedren will take Michael Jackson's tigers. [Extra]
• Somehow this paper has a shot of the paramedics' monitor, which reads: "50 year old male — not breathing at all." Michael Jackson's mom Katherine and his close friend Elizabeth Taylor were among those who rushed to the hospital. [The Sun]
• Flavor Flav showed up to the Jackson family estate and sent regards to Katherine Jackson via intercom, because he was not let in. [TMZ]
• Bands at the Glastonbury Festival this weekend will pay tribute to Michael Jackson — playing covers and talking about the star in their sets. [BBC News]
• Sacha Baron Cohen makes lots of jokes about Michael Jackson (and LaToya) in Brüno. Will the scenes be cut? [The Daily Beast]
• The LaToya/Michael scene was cut for a screening of Brüno last night — but will it be deleted in the film when it hits theaters nationwide? [PopCrunch]
• Online sales of Michael Jackson's hits are soaring. [CBS News]
• Farrah Fawcett died yesterday with longtime love Ryan O'Neal at her side. [NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown think "it's ridiculous" that they have to stay 50 yards away from each other, since they are "becoming friends." [Gatecrasher]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have checked out of an Ohio hospital with their new twins. Though security at the hospital was tight, a source said "even the nurses" were trying to get a glimpse of the babies. [People]
• Contrary to rumors, Jeff Goldblum and Harrison Ford are not dead. [NY Daily News]
• Despite the divorce developments, Christian publisher Zondervan is still planning on releasing a book by Kate Gosselin titled Love is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories. [USA Today]
• "Kate Gosselin Of Jon & Kate Singing The Blues - In Hot Blue Bikini; Jon Gone, She Shows Off Bod." [NY Daily News]
• Um, Woody Harrelson and Zoe Kravitz hang out? [Page Six]
• Chloe Sevigny wore that "Free The Beatrice" shirt in part because her brother owned the club. [Page Six]
• Rod Stewart was seen rubbing Penny Lancaster's tummy, so clearly she could be expecting a child. [Daily Express]
• Was Men At Work's '80s hit "Down Under" plagiarized from a 1934 children's song? [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which rocker is back on drugs? Although she claims to be clean, when she checked out of a Manhattan hotel recently, the maid found the room littered with dirty needles. [Page Six]
• "I was raised in a very grounded family that came from the South, and I was never much of a party girl. I'm a very low-key person so I like to stay at home and bake, or just walk around the city. I'm addicted to cooking. So I haven't felt tempted [to be a party girl] but if I were to I would think of the obligation I have to the young girls that look up to our show. I feel like there isn't too many great young role models in our business." — Blake Lively. [Independent]
• "Thank you to everyone who reads my blog, and in particular, thank you for giving your aggressive, emotional comments. A blog is meant to get people worked up, and obviously mine is working. Let me clear up a few things..." — Bethenny Frankel is still blogging. [E!]
• "I think it's normal for people to ask my views on motherhood, especially someone my age, because it seems the obvious thing: 'Why haven't you done it yet?' Those questions don't bother me. I force things into shape. I feel fulfilled and loved, and I get to nurture the people in my life. If having children is something that's going to happen in my life, I welcome it. If it doesn't happen, then it wasn't meant to be. I don't declare either way that I will or I won't." — Cameron Diaz. [Daily Mail]
• "Jack Kennedy was one of the handsomest men I have ever laid eyes on. No picture does him justice. I totally regret not having had an affair with him. Who wouldn't? It wasn't up to me, of course." — Oscar-nominated writer-director Nora Ephron, to More. [Page Six]
• "I didn't set out to shock people. I set out to do something different from Potter. If I had wanted to shock people I would have played, you know, a gay drug dealer" — Daniel Radcliffe in Parade on his nude scene in Equus. [Page Six]
• "We thought we'd see him moonwalk one more time." — Reverend Al Sharpton [NY Daily News]

• Has the fighting between Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony has turned physical? Yes, according to Star.

An insider says "They love hard; they fight hard — and sometimes that has led to pushing and shoving." More in Midweek Madness. [Star]

• For the first time since her mother, brother and nephew were murdered, Jennifer Hudson will return to the spotlight: She'll sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl on February 1st. [E!]
• Mickey Rourke on 9/11: "President Bush was in the wrong place at the wrong time, I don't know how anyone could have handled this situation. I don't give a shit who's in office, Bush or whoever, there is no simple solution to this problem... I'm not one of those who blames Bush for everything. This shit between Christians and Muslims goes back to the Crusades, doesn't it. It's too easy to blame everything on one guy. These are unpredictable, dangerous times, and I don't think that anyone really knows quite what to do." [Telegraph via GQ]
• While shooting Revolutionary Road, Kate Winslet would bug hubby Sam Mendes about the film after work, during dinner. [Daily Express]
• Guess who hid in a bathroom and then got kicked out of a Golden Globes party for slipping in uninvited? Ms. Paris Hilton. How times have changed. [Gatecrasher]
• Some of you may find Josh Duhamel and Fergie's wedding invite — which came with a caricature of the couple fishing — cute, but it seems very cheesy and Six Flags souvenir booth. It's supposedly a "reflection of both of their personalities." The invite lady explains: "Fergie loves bling and has a love for unicorns and Josh loves nature. The artwork had leaves and hidden details like a unicorn and the invites were decorated with crystals." Go ahead, click and giggle. [People]
• Jared Leto spent Golden Globes night hitting on newly married ex-girlfriend Scarlett Johansson. [OK!]
• Are Kate Winslet's Oscar hopes in jeopardy due to Holocaust backlash over her Nazi role in The Reader? [Telegraph]
• Britney news! She has new digs. "I just took my babies to our new home and they loved it! I can't wait to move in," she wrote on her website. (Or was it a Harvard grad?) Anyway, her Studio City mansion is up for sale, if you have $7 million. [People]
• Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts think that Nicole Kidman's daughter, Sunday, is after their first-born son, Alexander. "I think it's kind of weird and early, and I think she should back off, slow down and get her act together before that all happens," Liev says. He also says his son is "dishy." "I can say that about my son? The boy is really, really dishy." [News.com.au]
• Not So Blind Item: "Yes, that douchebag is leaving the TV show. But, wanna know the real reason? He's back on the drugs and alcohol, showing up late to work and being very unpleasant to work with. Is his homewrecking girlfriend gonna support him now???" [Perez]
• Talk about girl-on-girl crime: Heiress Casey Johnson got in a fight with her ex-girlfriend, Courtenay Semel (who was Lindsay Lohan's "roommate" and dated Tila Tequila) and Semel "beat the crap out of her and lit her hair on fire." Casey had to go to the hospital. [Page Six]
• Cue teen screams: Vanessa Hudgens might be in the next Twilight movie. [NY Daily News]
• Roman Polanski has no plans to ever return to the United States, according to a new filing, and his lawyer argues that Polanski does not need to be present for the court to rule on his motion to dismiss a three-decade-old rape charge. [AP]
• Amy Winehouse has been offered a movie role! She would play a music teacher in a "problem school," kind of like Michelle Pfeiffer's flick, Dangerous Minds. But Amy would have to "clean up her act." Do we think she can do it? [The Sun]
• Paula Abdul has changed her tune and is now saying of American Idol: "I am a big fan of the show. I am blessed to be on the show. It's the greatest show on television all around the world and ... a gazillion people would love to be in my shoes." Uh, weren't you just criticizing the show for putting your stalker on? "Well, that is true. But that's that. I can't talk about it anymore. It's an ongoing police investigation." [AP]
• Three baby-name experts have given the name Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck (Ben and Jen's new baby) an A-minus, a B and a B. [AP]
• Dev Patel from Slumdog Millionaire once moved his drama teacher to tears when he played a child in a hostage crisis in Russia! [Telegraph]
• Wax on, wax off: Jackie Chan is in negotiations to star in a remake of The Karate Kid. The new flick would be relocated to China and Jaden Smith — Will's son — would be the bullied boy. Oh, and Will Smith is producing, naturally. Banzai. [Hollywood Reporter]
• By the by, Will Smith thinks he can be President. "Oh yes, when he's out of office in eight years." [Daily Express]
• We highly doubt that Coolio said that Madonna looks like "a bag of crisps," because he is a rapper from Compton and says chips. But anyway, the story goes that Coolio said: "Have you seen Madonna lately without make up? She’s like a fucking bag of crisps." [The Sun]
• Charlie Sheen's ex-wife, Denise Richards, and new wife, Brooke Mueller, are on "friendly terms" now. [Perez]
• The Osbournes are headed back to TV! This time they'll host Osbournes Reloaded, a variety show with skits, impersonations and audience games. [Reuters]
• Anne Heche: Expecting another son? [People]
• Captain Mike from The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button has filed for divorce. As an aside, his dad is the late Richard Harris, aka Dumbledore. [TMZ]
• OJ Simpson's former attorney, Robert Shapiro, says: "He’s a sociopath." Clarity! [Fox 411]
• LOL! Video of Macy Gray drunk. Thank Dionysus she got in the passenger side of that car. [ONTD via Hollywood.TV]
• Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac: Going on tour for the first time since 2003. Stevie says the magic is still there and they're all excited to go on the road. Now everybody spin! [AP]
• Click if you want to see Lisa Marie Presley's twin girls, and read the words "time to paint Graceland pink." [People]
• Here's a very long story about how Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton lost her baby weight — "it's taken me a year." [Mirror]
• Did you know Rowan Atkinson (from Blackadder and Mr. Bean) once saved his family from a plane crash? "The pilot of the Cessna plane they were taking from Mombasa to Nairobi had passed out and despite a total lack of flying experience, Atkinson snatched the controls and slapped the pilot until he came round." [Daily Express]
• Mary J. Blige had an awesome birthday party in New York over the weekend, with her husband, Jay-Z, Beyoncé, Russell Simmons, Busta Rhymes, Stephon Marbury and a cake "so large that it had to be carried out by two people." [Page Six]
• Flavor Of Love is over, but VH1 felt it needed a replacement, so its new series is For The Love Of Ray J. You know, Brandy's brother? The dude in Kim Kardashian's sex tape? Yeah, I know: Downgrade. And when you're talking about Flavor Flav, it's hard to believe. [Concrete Loop]
• Click to see "Michelle Rodriguez Bin Laden." [The Life Files]
• Chaka Khan needs Activia yogurt, Miracle Whip and 2 ashtrays in her hotel room, among other things. [The Smoking Gun]
• "There are a lot of things I’m grateful for: my health, my family, my career, my family's health. We'll march on. We have to. There’s nothing you can do about it. You can't change what happened. Things could be worse. You remember that, and you go on with your life." — Kevin Bacon, on losing money due to Bernard Madoff's money scheme. [MSNBC via Life & Style]
• "I made love to a chicken in a cabaret in graduate school. It was called A Post-Apocalyptic Tryst. It really is the bravest thing I’ve ever done. I mean, honestly, I’m not that brave. But I did that in front of a lot of people. There wasn’t, like, penetration or anything, but I wined and dined the chicken, and then I made out with the chicken. The chicken wasn’t live; it was, like, a Perdue." — Liev Schreiber. [NY Mag]

• Misdemeanor charges against Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright related to a bar fight last summer have been dropped, and video of police using pepper spray and tasers on the actors has been leaked. [AP, TMZ]

• After Sean Penn introduced Josh Brolin at New York Film Critics Circle Awards last night, Brolin said, "Great actor, Sean Penn. Great actor. Not an asshole like Russell Crowe." He also said of the New York Times theater critic Ben Brantley, “I hate that motherf——-. And I don’t think he’s a good writer.” [FOX News]
• Peaches Geldof suggests that Victoria Beckham should mix some casual clothes into her wardrobe. "She looks too done these days, as if she's constantly uncomfortable," says Geldof. [The Sun]
• In other Posh news, Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole says she was "shocked" not to hear from her friend Beckham after allegations broke that her footballer husband Ashley had cheated on her, especially since Posh knows what its like when your football player husband is accused of cheating. [The Mirror]
• Michael Jackson's representatives have denied that the star has the lung condition Alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency, but author Ian Halperin is so passionate about his claim that Jackson is dying, he's offered to pay for a medical exam to uncover the truth about his health. So now celebrities have to submit to medical testing just to satisfy the public's morbid curiosity? [Daily Express]
• In the new issue of Glamour, Paris Hilton claims that she's only "done it with a couple of people" and that she plays hard to get. Paris also has some profound dating advice: "Nobody wants the fake Prada bag; they want the brand new bag that no one can get and is the most expensive," explains Paris. [Daily Express]
• Congratulations are in order: Alyssa Milano is engaged to CAA agent David Bugliari. [Us]
• The Bahamas' top health minister said he is "amazed" and "appalled" that mortuary officials leaked the cause of Jett Travolta's death because it is supposed to be confidential. [TMZ]
• Lisa Marie Presley, friend of the Travolta family, has posted on her blog to say now is not the time to bash Scientology. "Whatever medical and or physical condition Jett had, I can tell you first hand that his parents were on a tireless, never ending quest to get and provide him with the absolute best care anyone could ever ask for and need," she writes. [Just Jared]
• We must admit, this clip of Ashton Kutcher talking about his wife Demi Moore on Tyra is sickeningly adorable. Tyra asks what he finds most beautiful about his wife and he says, "the most beautiful quality that she has is just her capacity to give to others," and explains that he realized this while listening to her talk to her daughters on the phone. "The compassion she shares. To me was breathtaking," he says. [Perez Hilton]
• Paula Abdul has been secretly developing a daytime talk show. Speaking coherently always has been Paula's strong suit. [Perez Hilton]
• Amy Winehouse has dropped her appeal in a Norwegian drug case and will accept a fine for marijuana possession in 2007. Winehouse already paid the $428 fine, but she may have wanted to appeal because being found guilty of drug possession could prevent her from getting a U.S. visa. [AP]
• It's not a good day for Amy. She also has one of the most annoying female celebrity voices, according to a new poll. The sexiest celebrity voices are Nigella Lawson and Sean Connery. [The Sun]
• Add Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend to the list of celebrity couples who bickered their way into 2009. The couple was on vacation in Mexico on New Year's eve, and a source says they didn't spend any time together and Charlize was heard shouting about the lights and lack of hot water in their hotel room. [Perez Hilton]
• Is Lily Allen engaged? She returned from her Caribbean vacation with her new 45-year-old boyfriend Jay Jopling wearing two sparkling rings on her engagement finger. We're guessing not, since the multi-millionaire art dealer is only separated, not divorced, from the artist Sam Taylor-Wood. [The Telegraph]
• In other Lily Allen news, she is engaged in a feud with Katy Perry, who called her fat. Now, Lily is firing back via Facebook, threatening to post Katy's phone number online, and joining two anti-Katy Perry groups. If only Brangelina and Jennifer Aniston were mature enough to keep their feud on Facebook, rather than running to Oprah. [ONTD]
• In more Lily Allen gossip than anyone could possibly want, it was revealed today that she lost two dress sizes by "hypno-dieting," taking £300-a-session hypnotherapy sessions that made her give up alcohol and favor low-fat meals. [Daily Mail]
• Brad Pitt may be a surprise presenter at the People's Choice Awards tomorrow, sort of. If he does appear it will be in a pre-taped segment. He and Angelina need to rest up for their appearances at the more prestigious Critics' Choice Awards on Thursday and the Golden Globes on Sunday.[E!]
• Kate Hudson has only well wishes for her ex-boyfriend Lance Armstrong, who she dated over the summer. When asked what she thought about Armstrong's announcement that he's expecting a child in June with girlfriend Anna Hansen, Hudson said, "It's amazing. Congratulations." So revealing! [People]
• Pink says she has no hard feelings toward her ex-husband Carey Hart and plans to stay involved in his life. "I told him that I would give him away at his next wedding," said Pink. [People]
• Carrie Underwood has been dating hockey player Mike Fisher for months, but the story has eluded the tabloids. The relationship was finally exposed when Underwood was spotted by the "Hug Cam" at one of Fisher's games, sitting in a VIP box with his family. [Perez Hilton]
• Anne Hathaway says despite the fact that her recent films Bride Wars and Rachel Getting Married are matrimony-themed, she's never really thought about her own wedding. Why would she? That's the tabloids' job. [People]
• "I wound up looking like a zebra. An orange zebra. And then when it came off, I started, you know, because I'm so pale underneath, I looked like a giraffe with leprosy. And I smelled like nachos and maple syrup the whole time, so it really wasn't a good idea." - Anne Hathaway on the one time she tried a spray tan in real life, like her character in Bride Wars. She says you can spot the fake bake in one of her films - which one could it be? [NY Magazine]

• Scarlett Johansson thinks the media made a big deal out of her e-mail exchanges with Barack Obama because she's female. "It seemed to me to be like a product of extreme sexism," she says. "I kept thinking to myself, 'God, if this was just, like, Kal Penn or George Clooney or any of the other [Obama] surrogates or supporters ... there wouldn't be [any] question about it. Nobody would even talk about it. It was manipulated into such an unfortunate media frenzy of kind of a non-story." Think she has a point? [ET]
• Dina Lohan's response to Anderson Cooper's attack on her reality show: "People are just cruel! This is bad karma for him." Nah, Cooper has good things coming to him, for sure. [Perez Hilton]
• Jenna Jameson is knocked up. The daddy is UFC champ Tito Ortiz. Best of luck, kids. [Page Six]
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal seen holding hands in hipster mecca Williamsburg, Brooklyn. [Page Six]
• Rihanna's been wearing a "gossip-inducing piece of jewelry," also known as sparkly ring on that finger. [The Sun]

• Word on Madonna's marriage is that she'll give it one more year. [MSNBC]
• Madonna will perform in her home state, Michigan, for the first time in seven years. Music. Makes the people. Come together. [USA Today]
• Benji Madden and Paris Hilton: Dunzo? [Mr. Paparazzi]
• Amanda Peet is urging parents to immunize their children in a "Vaccinate Your Baby" campaign. "My main message to parents is that they should not be taking medical advice from me or any other celebrity. They should look to their pediatrician, the American Academy of Pediatrics and other experts." [PR Newswire]
• Steven Tyler's memoir: Forthcoming. [Crain's]
• File under not surprising: The people who live in the Hills hate The Hills. [LA Times]
• Do you think Oprah controls more than 1 million voters? University of Maryland economists think so. [Page Six]
• Lisa Marie Presley, 40, is pregnant with twins. Love me tender times two. [E!]
• Jennifer Aniston is planning the "Wedding Of The Year" if you believe OK! magazine, which you probably shouldn't. [Perez Hilton]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham has allegedly been warned not have more children. "She knows she is putting her health at risk if she dismisses the advice of her doctors and has another C-section," says an unnamed source. [News.com.au]
• Samantha Ronson's car got the orange boot. Girl needs to pay her parking tickets. [Perez Hilton]
• Though she has been diagnosed with breast cancer, Christina Applegate will proceed with filming the upcoming season of Samantha Who? Nothing better than throwing yourself into work when you're dealing with crappy lifestuff. [MSNBC]
• Kirk Douglas has been campaigning for a formal apology to African Americans for the institution of slavery for years now. (Did you know that? I didn't.) So when the House passed a formal national apology, Kirk said: "This is the best news I've heard in a long time." [LA Times]
• Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze are smitten kittens. [Perez Hilton]
• Justin Timberlake cuts his own hair. [The Sun]
• Wesley Snipes needs to reimburse the government $217,000 in prosecution costs for his tax conviction. Ouch. [USA Today]
• American Idol held auditions in Puerto Rico and "only" 300 people showed up. Is the show's popularity waning? (Some of us never liked it, btw.) [MSNBC]
• Lil Jon was in "musical limbo" after his record label, TVT, went bankrupt. Now he's signing with The Orchard, a digital entertainment company, so he can develop "lifestyle-oriented marketing and promotion programs," whatever that means. [USA Today]
• The new 90210 girls are skinny, says the person who runs that website called The Skinny. [The Skinny]
• Is Katie Holmes pregnant? This paper points out that she has a "mysterious bump," which appears to be her stomach. [Daily Mail]
• Iggy Pop's equipment has been stolen! He will have to search. And destroy. [Yahoo News]
• Dr. Dre's congnac and vodka brands will hit stores in the next 60 days. Related: his new album is called Detox. [Yahoo News]
• A source says that Britney's recent pix from Mexico — sunbathing in a bikini and swimming with dolphins — were set up by her camp. Who knows what to believe anymore? [Page Six]
• Will Britney play a killer lesbian stripper in Quentin Tarantino's remake of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!? [Mirror]
• "Everybody is rooting for her, and that's a good thing. I’m on that bandwagon too. I don’t want to see anybody unhappy." —Justin Timberlake on Britney Spears [PopDirt]
• Joanna Lumley, aka Patsy Stone, would do Absolutely Fabulous again: "I don't think that we could do a series, but I'd do a special. Patsy would be completely fossilised by now — she'd be in formaldehyde." [Mirror]
• "I haven't met him yet, but cried when I found out James McAvoy was married. Literally." — Seventeen year old Emma Roberts. [Mirror]
• Bette Midler says she knows that young people dig lip-syncing pop tarts but blames MTV. "Video really did kill the radio star," she says. "After MTV came along, people were seeing their favorite singers in videos, and suddenly there was a certain vision of a song - how it should sound, how it should look. Then [in concert], there was no room for improvisation - everyone wanted an exact replica." Oh, and: "They don't speak. They don't talk to their audience. They may say, 'Hello, New York' or 'Hello, Las Vegas,' in the beginning, and 'Thank you' in between songs, but they don't talk. They don't tell stories or take the time to make a connection, build a rapport. There's no emotion." [Rush & Molloy]

Now, surely the Daily Mail can argue that Lisa Marie's pregnancy may have occasioned her to consume an excess of food — indeed, that she was using pregnancy as an excuse to do so — but the truth is that for some time we have been watching a steady erosion in the customary grace period allotted to a female celebrity's figure maintenance to account for her part in the creation of a new human being. And while both Ms. Barberie-Reynolds and Ms. Presley stand to gain financially from the blurring of the lines between the two forms of weight gain — and that is to ignore the myriad other ways female celebrities have managed to line their own pockets, in addition to those of the celebrity-industrial complex, through the conception (or failure to conceive) children — I am beginning to wonder if the whole thing isn't a little, well, degrading to the very culture of human life the media is supposed to be celebrating when we fetishize fertility/eschew the subject of abortion in all consumer magazines and blockbuster movies/pay seven-figure ransoms for baby pictures.

No, seriously, actually, whatever. It's just this week's sign of the apocalypse etc. etc. But you know.

• Ashton Kutcher punked the paparazzi, and all of us: That shaman Paris Hilton was hanging out with — who turned out to be an actor — was part of a stunt for Kutcher's new show, Pop Ficton. The prank show targets paparazzi and gullible media outlets. Now lots of crazy stories (like the one about hepatitis at the restaurant where he had his birthday party) seem like they may not be true. Who knows what's real anymore??? [USA Today]
  
• Justin Timberlake: Bringing a hit Peruvian comedy to US TV? Executive producing? Who knew? [Reuters]
  
• Here's a picture of Amy Winehouse buying her own biography after she spotted it from a car window late Wednesday night. Amy, Amy, Amy! [TMZ]
  
• Amy's party trick is snorting vodka. Ow. [Mirror]
  
• Did John Mayer write a message to Jessica Simpson on his blog that reads, "Dear Ex Lover, Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore" ??? Cold! [The Sun]

• Jessica Simpson and the Pussycat Dolls leave for Kuwait today, where they will entertain the troops. A source says there's no special treatment and that Jess will be "roughing it" and sleeping on bunk beds during the trip. Maybe she can use her Vuitton luggage as a pillow? [Page Six]
• Lisa Marie Presley: Pregnant! The daddy is Presley's husband Michael Lockwood, whom she married in Japan in January 2006. The 40-year-old daughter of Elvis already has two children: Riley 18, and Benjamin, 15, with ex-husband Danny Keough. Congrats! [People]
• Rihanna issued a plea for help and now a woman with leukemia has found a bone marrow donor! It's so weird when stars use their power for good and not evil. [People]
• Rihanna has banned umbrellas from her concerts, by the by. [The Sun]
• Ashlee Simpson denies being drunk during a radio appearance, saying, "I giggle when people ask me uncomfortable questions not knowing what to say or what else to do." [People]
• Britney has received a number of disturbing letters and packages, which her "camp" have handed over to local law enforcement and the FBI. [E!]
• The court has ruled that Britney's dad can pay himself a salary to be the conservator of her affairs, so he's taking $2,500 a week from her account. Honestly? There is no doubt that: A) Managing that girl's life is a full-time job and B) Jamie's level-headedness is worth every penny. Good luck, Daddy Spears. [TMZ]
• Lou Pearlman, known for launching the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC, pleaded guilty yesterday to fraud which used fake bank accounts and a dead man's signature in a $300 million swindle. "I'm accepting full responsibility," Pearlman told the judge. He'll be sentenced May 21 and could get the maximum of 25 years in prison. (If he cooperates and tries to recover the money, he'll get reduced time.) [Reuters]
• Annie Lennox: "No more marriage for me. I don't see the point of it. It's not that I'm such a cynic. To share one's life with someone is a beautiful thing. But for the moment, I'm a single person." [Telegraph]
• Lil' Romeo, son of Master P., got a full basketball scholarship to USC. "We may have more 11- to 17-year-old girls in the stands than we've had in the past," says the coach. [Wall Street Journal]
• NYPD Blue star Esai Morales has been cleared of accusations by his ex-girlfriend that he raped her two years ago; the woman continued to live with Morales for 15 months following the alleged assault. [Page Six]
• Colin Farrell to "gorgeous" model at a swanky bar: "Who is this guy?" The lady replied, "He's my boyfriend." Farrell then told the dude, "You've got the most beautiful girl in the place, and you can't blame a guy for trying." To which the boyfriend said: "You tried. Now get out of here." [Page Six]
• The ex-wife of Nicolas Sarkozy will marry her lover this month as "revenge" after Sarkozy wed Carla Bruni so quickly after getting divorced. [Page Six]
• Robert Downey Jr appears in blackface in his new movie, but only because his character has his skin dyed black. Hmmm. [Page Six]
• Kelly Rowan, aka The O.C.'s Kirsten Cohen, is in the final weeks of pregnancy but her billionaire boyfriend keeps her out of the spotlight because he is "horrified of any publicity." Uh, sounds healthy. Then again, money trumps mere fame any day. [Page Six]
• "I really romanticized being pregnant. Then I realized, This is awful! I was so nauseated in the beginning" —Marcia Cross of Desperate Housewives. [Page Six]
• "People ask, 'Why do you like getting around on a bike so much?' I don't do it to be green. I do it because it's so [bleep]ing fun" — Eric Bana [Page Six]
• Kate Hudson: Hangs with her son and friends by day; with Owen Wilson at night. Secret lovers, yeah, that's what they are. [Gatecrasher]
• Michelle Williams says that after her breakup with Heath Ledger, she "didn't know where to go. I couldn't imagine any place in the world that was gonna feel good to me." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which mournful solo artist is obsessed with his own level of fame? After convincing himself on a recent flight to Australia that he would be mobbed in the streets, the scrawny singer was nonplussed that most Aussies didn't recognize him." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! Translated from Ted Casablanca: A female star who has had cosmetic surgery and has a "sexually mysterious partner in crime" type celeb boyfriend (who may get cosmetic surgery himself in 2009) is hooked on coke; often the two of them show up high in front of paparazzi. [E!]
• Pubic blind item! "Which female A-lister's Sapphic relationship with a top editrix came to a crashing halt when the wordsmith saw her 'wildly' unkempt nether regions?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Two former concierges of the Four Seasons Hotel in Chicago are spilling about celebrity guests in a new book: Read mini-tales about Nicole Kidman, Diana Ross, Madonna and Elton John by clicking the link. [Rush & Molloy]
• Melissa Joan Hart looks painfully pregnant, ouch. [TMZ]
• Brooke Burke has given birth to a boy, her fourth child and first son. [People]
• American Idol alum Nikki McKibbin is in the psych ward for having a breakdown; she told her friend she wanted to kill herself and when the cops arrived at her home she had a bunch of pills in her hand. Poor thing. [Perez Hilton]
• The Office's Jenna Fischer: "I haven't had my teeth whitened. I don't get Mystic Tan treatments or any of that stuff. [Pam should] always look like a believable girl, not all plastic-y like a movie star." [Rush & Molloy]

• Britney Spears classily served her mother Lynne with legal papers in full view of the paparazzi. [TMZ]
  
• Shocker: Lindsay Lohan had cocaine in her system when she crashed her car last month. [People]
  
• Legendary NYC restaurant owner (no spring chicken herself!) mistakes a "fumbling" Paul Newman for a common drunk. [PageSix]
  
• More rumors about the troubled marriage of novelist Salman Rushdie and Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi. [PageSix]
  
• Michael Jackson defends charges that he takes pills, does not defend charges of total and complete insanity. [Rush&Molloy, 2nd item]
  
• In case anyone cares, Jacko's ex-wife, Lisa Marie Presley, may be planning to get pregnant. [Rush&Molloy, 5th item]

• Jordan has had her baby. Next up: Vaginoplasty! [Mirror]
• More British female trainwrecks: Lily Allen arrested for assaulting photographer; dresses up as Amy Winehouse. [DailyMail]
• Dr. Phil defends Paris Hilton. [Popdirt]