"Lisa you're too young to be a witch! Savor the steps leading up to it: college anorexic, string of bad marriages, career disappointment, failed pottery shop, then when you're old and alone you can hit the witch thing hard."

Ouch! At least they left out "grow hair so long you can sit on it and add a purple streak."

It's partly the sound of the name — that soft l, that sibilant s — that makes Lisa sound kind of ditsy and insubstantial. And it's partly the association with Lisa Frank that makes me think of Lisas as obsessed with pink and unicorns and not much else. To me, Lisa is a bit of an airhead name. She's a hot girl, and she puts a lot of effort into her hotness — practicing her hair flip, applying and reapplying her mascara in homeroom. As a result, she doesn't have a lot of time for other pursuits — like, say, reading. She chews gum, she knows a lot about TV, she has a Valley-girl accent no matter where she's from. She definitely dots her i's with hearts.

But a quick look at famous Lisas blows my Lisa prejudices right out of the water. We have, for instance, journalist Lisa Ling, whose impassioned pleas for the release of her sister Laura from North Korea were anything but airheaded. There's Lisa Leslie, the first woman to dunk in the WNBA, who's been outspoken about girls and sports. Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes of TLC — who used to wear a condom over her left eye to promote safe sex — had her problems, but ditsiness wasn't one of them. And, of course, one of pop culture's most famous Lisas is Lisa Simpson, the brains and conscience of her entire family.

So where did my Lisa stereotypes come from? I do think a lot of the blame falls on the ever-popular purveyor of rainbow-colored school supplies, but just because something is rainbow doesn't mean it's dumb. In fact, I may just be buying into the damaging assumption that only a certain kind of girl likes makeup or pretty things — one Lisa Leslie herself has actually challenged. More than anything, I think I'm remembering girls I went to school with in the 80s and 90s, when Lisa was still a pretty popular name (it slipped from #31 in America to #118 during that time). These Lisas knew their way around the eye shadow and a blow dryer back when I was still using butterfly clips to keep my hair out of my eyes, and I think I assumed that beauty maintenance crowded everything else out of their skulls. But maybe I was wrong.

I still think Lisa's a name with lip gloss all over it — note that Lisa Ling always appeared perfectly coiffed, and that Lisa Leslie has worked as a model. But makeup does not an airhead make. Lisa Simpson once said, "beneath my goody two shoes lie some very dark socks," and beneath the name's highly buffed exterior frequently lies some serious badassery and wit. Lisas of the world, I owe you an apology.

Lisa [Wikipedia]
Lisa [The Baby Name Wizards]

Earlier: K Is For Kate, Who Kicks Ass, Takes Names
J Is For Jennifer, The Vanilla Of Names
I Is For Isabel, Who's Snooty, But Earns It
H Is For Hillary, A Barrel Of Laughs
G Is For Grace - What's That Up Her Sleeve?
F Is For Francesca, And I Wish I Were Her
E Is For Emily, Who Seems Sweet (At First)
D Is For Danielle (Or Dani, Who's Apparently Kinda Judgey)
C Is For Courtney, Who's Too Cool For School
B is for Beth (And Barack! And Bandana!)
A Is For Anna: What My First Name Says About Me

In doing research for this, we noticed that a lot of these women had characteristics in common. Almost all of them are middle class. Many of them are educated and somewhat socially awkward. A lot of them are either nerdy, or have nerdy pasts, and can be annoying. But unfortunately, all of them — including the animated ones — are Caucasian. Worse still, only three of the females listed below are characters on shows currently on air. It's sad that in the past 30 years, feminism hasn't even managed to get two dozen recurring characters on television to admit to being part of the movement. (Again, these are pop culture characters who spoke openly about being feminists or feminism; however, if, over the course of our research we overlooked/couldn't find someone you think should be included, please do let us know in the comments - we'd love to keep updating this post with characters.)

Maude Findlay, Maude
As the title character of the series, Maude Findlay (Bea Arthur) was probably the most outspoken, upfront feminist of sitcom TV. Running from 1972 - 1978, smack dab in the middle of the women's lib movement, Maude was a Democrat who was pro-choice—she had an abortion on the show, pre-Roe v. Wade—and was a political activist who advocated for gender and racial equality. The show's theme song, "And Then There's Maude," also reflected Maude's feminism, comparing her to strong women in history like Joan of Arc, Lady Godiva, and "bra burners."

Marcy D'Arcy, Married With Children
The breadwinner of her family, whether she was married to her first husband Steve or second husband Jefferson, Marcy (Amanda Bearse) hated Al Bundy and his misogynistic views on women. Although she was a Republican loan officer, she was also a radical feminist and formed FANG (Feminists Against Neanderthal Guys) in retaliation of Al's club NO MA'AM (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood).

Julia Sugarbaker and Mary Jo Shively, Designing Women
As owner and designer of interior decorating company Sugarbaker Designs, Julia (Dixie Carter) and Mary Jo (Annie Potts) were the liberal mouthpieces of writer Linda Bloodworth-Thomason. Airing from 1986 - 1993, the show was often topical and dealt with women's issues like spousal abuse, prostitution, homosexuality, cat-calling construction workers, and hostility toward overweight women. One episode focused entirely on the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas, with the women sharing painful personal memories of sexual harassment and wearing shirts that said, "He did it." Julia regularly made long, liberal-leaning speeches when she got into it with other characters. Interestingly, according to Wikipedia, Dixie Carter is a Republican and "disagreed with many of her character's left-of-center commentaries, and made a deal with the producers that for every speech she gave, Julia would get to sing a song in a future episode."

Murphy Brown, Murphy Brown
During the late '80s and early '90s, Monday nights on CBS featured an hour-long block of feminist comedy with Murphy Brown and Designing Women airing back-to-back. Running from 1988 - 1998, Murphy Brown (Candace Bergen) was the supposed epitome of "post-feminism." As a news anchor/recovering alcoholic, Murphy's feminism was often highlighted by her contrast to the character Corky Sherwood, a ditsy, former Miss America turned broadcast journalist. In the 1991-1992 season, Murphy became pregnant and chose to raise the baby as a single mother, prompting former Vice President Dan Quayle to criticize the character for ignoring the importance of fathers, opening a national discourse on "family values." The show addressed his remarks by editing his speech to make it appear as though he was talking about Murphy personally instead of the character, leading Murphy to do a special edition broadcast on her news program FYI of different kinds of families.

Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
As head writer of The Girlie Show (or TSG with Tracy Jordan), Liz Lemon is a fictionalized version of 30 Rock creator Tina Fey. As a liberal, Lemon believes that "gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars," and is heavily concerned with the idea of fairness. She's described—accurately, according to other characters on the show—by her boss Jack Donaghy as a "New York third-wave feminist, college-educated, single-and-pretending-to-be-happy-about-it, over-scheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says 'healthy body image' on the cover and every two years you take up knitting for...a week." She is constantly in a struggle to balance her personal and professional lives, and in her late 30s, is feeling the pressure to either adopt or have a child of her own, which can sometimes be mistaken for baby fever, particularly when she was asked by a makeup artist on the set to hold her baby, then blacked out and woke up in her apartment, still holding the child. But while she'd like the ideal setup of marriage and a family, she doesn't think the former is necessary to achieve the latter, as demonstrated in an episode when she bought a wedding dress, despite the fact that she doesn't have a boyfriend, saying, "I'm gonna get the wedding dress, then I'm gonna have a baby and then I'm gonna die and then I'll meet a super cute guy in Heaven."

Elyse Keaton, Family Ties
Airing from 1982 - 1989 during the Reagan era, Family Ties featured feminist mother Elyse (Meredith Baxter-Birney), a baby boomer Democrat former-hippie raising her kids in the suburbs while maintaining a job. She and her husband Steven were political activists before settling down but still were very much liberal-minded. Her feminism was often in contrast with her daughter Mallory's flightiness and obsession with fashion and her Republican son Alex's traditional views, although Alex would later date a feminist artist named Ellen (played by Tracy Pollan, who ended up marrying Micheal J. Fox in real life).

Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons
Lisa (voiced by Yeardley Smith) is smart and wise beyond her years eight years. She's a vegetarian, environmentalist, feminist and supporter of Tibetan freedom. She is a Ghost World fan, adores ponies, has struggled with body image issues, has a love/hate relationship with her Malibu Stacy doll, and gets angered over males' lack of "regard for feelings and unicorns." However, she is aware of her own intelligence, which sometimes leads to arrogance. Occasionally she'll undermine her stay-at-home mother for her seemingly traditional gender role, but always ends up learning a lesson from her mistakes and incorrect assumptions.

Andrea Zuckerman, Beverly Hills, 90210
From 1990 - 1995 Andrea (Gabrielle Carteris) was 90210's resident "brainy" girl. As editor-in-chief of the high school paper The West Beverly Blaze, Andrea was socially awkward, but socially conscious—in stark contrast to the shallow, beautiful girls in her school—and the storylines involving her character dealt with gender, class, and racial issues. She was sexually harassed by a teacher at West Beverly, and later accused AP English teacher Mr. Meyer of sexism when he attempted to demote her and make Brandon Walsh the EIC of the paper. (Being vocal on the issue led to her sharing the position with Brandon.) Like Donna Martin, Andrea was saving herself for marriage, but as a freshman in college she fucked her RA, then later another guy named Jesse. Jesse knocked her up, the two married—even though her Judaism clashed with his Catholicism—had a kid, then went to Yale together.

Jessie Spano, Saved by the Bell
As a strong-willed feminist, Jessie (Elizabeth Berkley) was an overachiever. She was class president, a straight-A student, and briefly tried to balance all of that with a singing career that led to an addiction to caffeine pills. She introduced legions of young girls to the term "chauvinist pig," and all though she was a crusader against sexism, she fell for the school jock A.C. Slater.

Roseanne Connor, Roseanne
Airing from 1988 - 1997, Roseanne was groundbreaking for giving a face to blue-collar feminism. Instead of the tired feminist stereotype in which female characters strive to "have it all" (a successful career and a family) Roseanne (Roseanne Barr) struggled to have enough. She took care of her kids, husband, and house while also working a number of menial jobs to make ends meet, demonstrating how modern women of the '80s were expected to cook, clean, and contribute to household finances. She had a group of close girlfriends that included her sister Jackie, who were supportive rather than competitive with each other. Most importantly, perhaps, Roseanne was an overweight female lead character whose likability did not depend on her appearance.

Karen Arnold, The Wonder Years
Airing from 1988 - 1993, The Wonder Years took place in 1968 - 1973, reflecting the political and cultural climate of the time. As the older sister of protagonist/narrator Kevin Arnold, Karen (Olivia d'Abo) was a hippie, liberal, feminist, idealist who clashed with her conservative, traditional father. She inspired her brother Kevin to protest the Vietnam War by staging a walkout at his school, and her free-spirit perhaps inspired her homemaker mother to go back to college and start a career of her own.

Midge Pinciotti, That '70s Show
As Donna's mother, Midge (Tanya Roberts) was easily influenced by any fad in the '70s, including women's liberation. On the show, she takes women's studies classes, and joins the group "Feminist Warriors." Although a stereotypical ditsy sexpot, Midge still manages to instill feminist values in her daughter Donna.

Rory Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
Born to an unwed, teen mother, Rory (Alexis Bledel) was a bright, well-behaved, pop-culturally savvy teenager, who was valedictorian of her competitive high school and went on to study journalism at Yale. While her romantic relationships were often masochistic, she was often seen reading feminist prose, and dreamed of one day having a career like Christiane Amanpour. At college, her dorm room was decorated with Planned Parenthood, NARAL, and Gloria Steinem stickers. At the end of the show's seven-year run in 2007, Rory's boyfriend proposes to her, but she decides that she was too young to be tied down.

Femme Fatale, Powerpuff Girls
A villain from the animated series Powerpuff Girls, Femme Fatale was described as "the feminist of all feminists," who unfortunately was portrayed as a man-hater. When she robbed banks, she only stole money in the form of Susan B. Anthony coins. Her weapon, a firearm, is shaped like a female symbol, as is her mask. She's a female supremist who convinces Buttercup, Blossom, and Bubbles that they have been taken advantage of, as females. However, the girls realize that feminism isn't about special treatment, but equal treatment, and lock Femme up in jail. (Femme cries that she looks fat in horizontal stripes.)

Janice Soprano Baccalieri, The Sopranos
Manipulative and headstrong, Janice (Aida Turturro) had a personality much like her mother Livia's. A free spirit when she was younger, she escaped the patriarchal structure of her family to travel around Europe and the U.S., only to return to New Jersey as an adult. Craving power, she would use sex and suggestion as means to an end. In one episode, Carmela tells Janice that if she continues to date the men in the "family business," she'll have to "accept a gumar." Janice said, "Oh, yeah? Well I'd like to see a gumar who's gonna let him hold a gun to their head when they fuck," telling Carmela that kind of sex play is no different than garter belts and nurse's uniforms. Carmela says, "Well, it's a gun, Janice. I thought you were a feminist." Janice replied matter-of-factly, "Usually he takes the clip out."

Detective Olivia Benson, Law & Order: SVU
As part of the Special Victims Unit that deals in crimes related to sexual assault (rape, molestation, etc.), Detective Benson (Mariska Hargitay) is often the empathetic voice looking out for the best interest victims. Although she is a child of her mother's rape, Detective Benson is an advocate for Plan B in rape kits. With episodes "ripped from the headlines," episodes deal with "sexting," internet predators, and the idea of rape as being a "hate crime," and the controversy of getting it classified as such.

Miranda Hobbes, Sex and the City
Of the four women characters on SATC, Miranda is the most vocal about being a feminist. A lawyer who owns her own apartment, she is cynical and initially was presented as kind of a misandrist. For a show that was supposed to embody modern feminism, Miranda was really the only character to openly profess her feminism and reference the movement in her dialogue. (In one episode she referred to Samantha as a "dime-store Camille Paglia" for her views on prostitution as being a legitimate exchange of power.)

Velma Dinkley, Scooby-Doo, The Venture Bros.
While many would consider the bookish, skillful, and apt Velma to be a feminist, it was never mentioned on the original Scooby-Doo series. However, on the Adult Swim animated series The Venture Bros., Velma was presented a lesbian, female elitist who viewed men as "incomplete females due to their XY chromosomes."

[Los Angeles, May 7. Image via Getty]

At first, Lisa was leery, saying that if she joined a clique, she'd be the kind of person she hates, but after watching Homer test out the book's methods — "unsults" (insults disguised as compliments), "envytations," "hate hugs" — on his friends at Moe's with great success, she decided to try it out. The result: She made some Facebook friends! Clip at left.

Lisa lists her gay heroes:









Earlier: Lisa Simpson: Feminist Hero

However, their friendship followed the plot of Heavenly Creatures in which the two girls get trapped in a fantasy world of their own creation and alienate themselves from reality until their families decide that they shouldn't be spending so much time together. Lisa, who is always a little more mature than her parents, realized that Juliet was kind of a nutbag on her own, and let her friend go. Clip above.

Earlier: Lisa Simpson: Feminist Hero

Eariler: Lisa Simpson: Feminist Hero
The First Unicorn
What's The Deal With The Relationship Between Girls And Unicorns?

Related: New Research Dispels Myth That Cigarettes Make Teenage Girls Thinner, But Smoking May Stunt Growth Of Teenage Boys [Science Daily]
Earlier: How To Market Death To Women: Make It Sexy, Make It Pink

• Love was in the air this week, especially for these gorillas who were doing it missionary. From now on, missionary sex will be referred to as "gorilla style."
  
• Maybe they should have bought condoms first, like the Golden Girls did. That Zbornak is always prepared!
  
• Another old broad, Jane Fonda, said cunt on the Today show.
  
• We pondered polyamory, which seems like something Jane would have been into in the 70s.
  
• Mariah Carey = Hello Kitty + Einstein. Think about it.
  
• Our favorite animated bleeding heart, Lisa Simpson, choo-choo-chooses Ralph Wiggum.
  
• Also involving choo-choos: the Darjeeling Limited-esque Free People catalog.
  
• Obama's campaign is like a runaway train! Hop on it!
  
• The Witch of Blackbird Pond inspired fantasies of dripping breeches.
  

• Butterfish gives a whole new meaning to dripping breeches.
  
• So watch out for anal leakage, get your rocks off, and watch some Cosby reruns. It's Friday!

[Image via Oh! My God! I Miss You ]