Few and far between, it seems. Check these out:

St. Pauli Girl beer features a buxom bar maid on the label. Actually, looking at this visual "history" of the model, she's changed a lot. In 1982, she wasn't so busty; in 1989 she was (gasp!) brunette; in 2004 her apron disappeared, her top shrank and her skirt became alarmingly short. Progress!


Frida Kahlo tequila, launched in 2005, features the famed painter's visage on its bottles. Frida's niece, Isolda P. Kahlo, is involved with the brand. Unfortunately, art critic and author Raquel Tibol, who befriended Kahlo at the end of the artist’s life, is outraged, saying, "This is a dirty shame!" Blogger and artist Mark Vallens writes: "The idea of the artist’s alcoholism being somehow romantic could not be further from the truth. It was not a sense of romanticism that led Kahlo to drink a bottle of tequila a day, but the debilitating pain she endured from the accident suffered in her youth."

The labels on a Belgian beer called Rubbel Sexy Lager picture women wearing swimsuits, but the swimsuits can be scratched off, leaving naked models behind. Classy! This brew was pulled from shelves in the UK last year.

Sofia sparkling wine is manufactured by Francis Ford Coppola's winery, and named after his director daughter. Each can comes with a little bitty straw, because chicks like their booze to be cute! (Disclaimer: I've imbibed quite a few Sofias in my day and actually think mini champagne is a good idea.)




Inspired by the Hollywood icon, Marilyn wine exists, but, as Sadie says, "I wouldn't drink it."

Sailor Jerry rum is named after a man (the legendary tattoo artist) but has a pin-up girl on the bottle, does that count?

Damiana herbal-based liqueur from Mexico comes in a bottle shaped like an Incan goddess. Except, uh, the Incans were from Peru, right? So she should be Mayan, or Aztec? Well the website lists an address in Texas, so maybe someone is confused.


Batuque cachaça from Brazil is made from sugar cane and aged in mahogany barrels. The bottle is shaped like a woman wearing a Brazilian bikini (read: thong.) I had it in a caipirinha once, and never got around to figuring out why the poor woman has an awesome booty but no head. (Here's another view of her physique.)

Veuve Clicquot was, at some point, run by Madame Clicquot, hence the term "grande dame." If you look at her portrait you'll see Madame was pretty serious about her booze.

Did I miss any? Let me know.

The Men Behind Your Favorite Liquors [Mental Floss]
Earlier: The Top 10 Female Product Advertising Icons & The Actresses Who Could Replace Them

Is there a goth in the world that can afford Chanel? Are there goths left in the world? Is goth making a comeback because, um, well, I think I gave my thigh-high patent-leather boots to Goodwill and chucked my Urban Decay "Cadaver" lipstick in the trash a few months back, but I've still got 5 days to buy one in a similar shade if I'm going to need it.

This in an advertisement for wedding lingerie. In one of those "people everywhere are the same" moments, all my female friends looked at this advertisement and said (in German), "What the hell is with the rolling pin?" The guy that scanned it for me said, "Who is that girl?"

In a moment of linguistic hilarity, bras like this are known as "corsages" which my high school German teacher used to call "false friend Freddies." My friends died laughing when I wondered aloud why my friend was buying one at the dress shop and mentioned that I'd always gotten one for the prom from my dates.

Yeah, I don't know.

Unicum is some sort of vaguely nasty-smelling Hungarian liqueur that my friends have in their liquor cabinet. Their website has no English translation, but it seems to have nothing to do with unicorns or ejaculate, despite the obviousness of the name. From the smell, I'm guessing that a unicorn could totally have his way with me if I did drink enough of this.

The one great thing about fashion magazines in Germany is the editors' recognition of the need for more hot guys in their underwear. I'm not sure what Herr Beckham's selling [Underwear. -Ed.] or where to buy it, but I totally would.