MEGAN: Good morning! It's actually sunny here, which is hurting my eyes this morning.

LATOYA: Yup, it's gonna be a beautiful day!

MEGAN: It would be more beautiful if Saxby Chambliss hadn't be re-elected. I guess this time he was able to get enough of "our folks" out to the polls.

LATOYA: Damn. Well, we can't win them all. The headlines today are weird. Bill Clinton wants a job. Or rather, would accept a job. Did he go to Change.gov? Fill out that long-ass application?

MEGAN: I guess he's bored? Or he's going to have to recuse himself from so much because of Hillary's gig between his speaking engagements and his foundation that he might as well accept an Administration gig. Does the Secretary of State travel with a spouse (when she or he has one)?

LATOYA: No idea. They keep saying they would make him a "superambassador."

MEGAN: Does he get a cape with that?

LATOYA: Did the superdelegates?

MEGAN: They did get miniature American flags! No abortions, though. Not even for some of them.

LATOYA: I guess there's some things even super-whatevers can't do.

MEGAN: Well, apparently, they can't make the Bushes stop coming, and, wow, did that sound grosser after I typed it.

LATOYA: More terrorism watches, I see.

MEGAN: I guess nobody figures on a well-organized attack on one city is the end of it.

LATOYA: I suppose. We'll circle back to terrorism later. Something Jeb said interested me:

Bush said conservatives should “do the math of the new demographics of the United States,” explaining that the Republican Party “can’t be anti-Hispanic, anti-young person, anti many things and be surprised when we don’t win elections.”

Well no fucking duh.

MEGAN: The problem is: what do they plan to be for?

LATOYA: Too bad no one caught on to that this election cycle. They were too busy chasing the "Real Americans".

MEGAN: Yes, I was sure happy to discover that having been born on the East Coast, educated at two American universities at significant personal expense and living in Virginia for nearly a decade, it was all a big lie and I'm actually a fake American. Does that mean I actually get to be Irish? Because, really, my Irish accent imitation is pretty pitiful.

LATOYA: I say you should do it, just for spite. But really — I hope the Republicans get themselves together. Because our governing system depends on having two parties, not camp hater and camp counter-haters.

MEGAN: Let's say it depends on having at least two parties.

LATOYA: Republicans should stand for smaller government, more individual liberties

MEGAN: Well, they stand for that, they just aren't into actually doing anything to achieve that.

LATOYA: They lie. They don't stand for that — yet. Some Republicans do, but their party went somewhere else entirely. The GOP stands for old people, anti-intellectualism, racism, xenophobia, and the formation of a theocracy - as it stands now.

MEGAN: It's one nation UNDER GOD, Latoya, the Founding Fathers, like, totally said so. Republicans just want a big enough government to enforce their religious beliefs on the rest of us.

LATOYA: Yeah, see — no wonder thinking Republicans are adrift. They're like "What the fuck happened? I just want less taxes."

MEGAN: And the libertarians are too busy being crazytown to step up, which is sad.

LATOYA: Wait a min — have you moderated any conversations advocating for a third party vote? I have. Two of them. I'm not planning to have that conversation again for a long time.

MEGAN: Hey, I'm all for a functioning third or fourth party, I just haven't seen one I'd vote for yet.

LATOYA: I'm not touching libertarians. That's another great in theory, failing in practice type deals.

MEGAN: Well, what politics isn't that?

LATOYA: True, true. I guess the main point is not to be too contradictory. Oh whoa — there is a little push to update the pledge of allegiance.

MEGAN: Clearly, that can not be allowed to happen or the godless Communists will be able to claim victory in the Cold War.

LATOYA: Oh, that was the original argument for adding "under God" to the pledge in the first place.

Docherty's contribution to American civil religion came during a sermon he preached at Washington's New York Avenue Presbyterian Church in honor of Lincoln's birthday in 1954, the height of the Second Red Scare. As Post reporter Matt Shudel notes in Sunday's obituary, Docherty, a native of Scotland, argued that the then-godless American pledge could just as easily apply to the communist Soviet Union.

"I could hear little Muscovites recite a similar pledge to their hammer-and-sickle flag with equal solemnity," said Docherty. He suggested adding Lincoln's phrase "under God" from the Gettysburg Address to the pledge. "To omit the words 'Under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance is to omit the definitive character of the American Way of Life."

MEGAN: Yeah, I was actually joking, only sometimes when I joke like that people think it's not a joke because it sounds like something someone would actually say in all earnestness, which is why I think it's funny in the first place.

LATOYA: I know you were joking — but truth is stranger than anything we could dream up in this chat. His whole argument was "if you don't say God, we're going to be communists" - and it worked!

MEGAN: Yes, totally, we're not Communists, so it must have worked! We're sort of, you know, Socialist-y right now what with the government taking shares in private companies and whatever, but let's not tell anyone.

LATOYA: Shhh — that was just a couple experiments in college. No need to tell the rest of the world.

MEGAN: Everyone experiments in college, after all.

LATOYA: Ummhmm. Random topic switch — why is John McCain going to India?"

MEGAN: Um, doesn't Obama keep saying that there's only one President at a time?

LATOYA: With Lieberman, no less. This appears to be part of a larger congressional trip, but uh...I feel like they are cementing this new bromance. Colin must be beside himself.

MEGAN: I love, by the way, that he's there with Lieberman and Lindsay Graham. And it's just the three of them, traveling on the taxpayers dime, seeing the world together. Why won't they just come out and admit that they missed the good old days on the campaign plane, taking turns in the airplane bathroom, snuggled up asleep in a row together?

LATOYA: It's the end of the good ol' days, Megan. They have to mourn. Real America has been taken over by all us fakers.

MEGAN: You know McCain totally hotboxes Lindsay.

LATOYA: Hotboxes?

MEGAN: It is when you fart under the covers and then pull them up around your partner's head so he/she can't escape.

LATOYA: Ewwwwwwww For real though...I would punch someone.

MEGAN: And, yes, I think a good ball punch would be in order if someone tried it on me.

LATOYA: Yuck. And I soooooooooo did not need that mental image of those two. Poor Cindy.

MEGAN: But tell me McCain doesn't seem the type.

LATOYA: McCain does seem like a hotboxer. Jeez. I can't even think about this anymore.

MEGAN: Well, for your mental health, let's go for another awkward segue. How about let's talk about the possibility that Obama might nominate the first openly gay person to a cabinet position?

LATOYA: I'm going to talk about Condi.

MEGAN: Oh, um, well, I mean other than Condi.

LATOYA: Bah. I'll press pause on Condi. I would be thrilled if Obama appointed Maxwell for labor. But, I was just watching those previews for Milk and now I'm jumpy. They are going to have to triple up on Secret Service for this team.

MEGAN: Do you really think that someone would go after Mary Beth Maxwell if she's labor secretary? Do people even bother trying to assassinate Cabinet Members? I was trying to think of one since Seward survived the Lincoln assassination and drew a blank.

LATOYA: Well, considering the "gays are infiltrating your everything!" meme being pushed out, I wouldn't be surprised.

MEGAN: Oh, right, forced conversions, I forgot.

LATOYA: But nothing is finalized yet. Apparently, they have a lot of candidates in play. So many that people are getting confused:

Today, the gay rights group Human Rights Campaign will release a letter to President-elect Barack Obama strongly backing her. The catch: The group last week backed Rep. Linda Sanchez for the post.

“You would have received our letter in support of Representative Sánchez’s candidacy for Secretary of Labor last week,” HRC President Joe Solmonese writes, asking for a mulligan.

“While we remain supportive of Representative Sánchez’s candidacy, it has come to our attention that Mary Beth Maxwell is also being considered for this crucial position. Given Ms. Maxwell’s long history of leadership on labor issues, HRC is pleased to also endorse Mary Beth Maxwell for Secretary of Labor.”

MEGAN: Man, the Human Rights Campaign fucked that one up. Loretta Sánchez has got to be a little annoyed. Plus, not to put too fine a point on it, why the fuck is the HRC endorsing anyone for Labor Secretary? Shouldn't they be focused on things like Prop 8 and the court cases on same sex marriage in Iowa and Florida and getting enough people to vote for the Employee Non Discrimination Act with trans-rights included?

LATOYA: Maybe they're multitasking. And don't get me started on the trans rights thing. I'll be linking for years.

MEGAN: We can link for years. I'm on record that I think it's shitty that the HRC sold trans rights down the river for a House vote.

LATOYA: Sorry Megan, I suck today. I have video games on the brain and I keep clicking over to conversations on Mirror's Edge and racism and video games. Resume tomorrow? I'll bring the goodies - Lorelei says she'll talk to us about national security and Pakistan. Maybe she'll teach us how to decode all these damn terrorist warnings.

MEGAN: If I knew anything about video games, I would say we could talk about it, but I can't even get through level two of Super Obama World. So, yeah, let's talk Pakistan tomorrow instead.

LATOYA: Deal. [sneaks off to play Super Obama World before work]

ANA MARIE: Ok I'm here, and caffeinated. Please turn on Morning Joe so that we can mock in tandem. If it were later in the day, I would recommend drinking every time they say "team of rivals."

MEGAN: Yay caffeine! And, um, boo for Pat Buchanan. who just suggested that our move from a manufacturing economy to a tertiary economy is the reason the American Empire is failing.

ANA MARIE: Because after a few pops maybe "team of rivals" would make sense... As it is, the only "rival" in sight for Team O is Hillary... and I am far from convinced that she's really gonna get offered the job much less take it.

MEGAN: Well, do you have stuff for mimosas and Bloody Marys? Because those are perfectly acceptable alternatives to morning whiskey.

ANA MARIE: If Hillary gets SecState, i will break out the morning whiskey

MEGAN: I only have morning tequila. By the way, when did Mika start wearing Palin's hair?

ANA MARIE: Ugh. Mika. Do you think it's weird that they cycle every editor in NYC through as a "guest host" but NO OTHER WOMEN? Is Mika so insecure that the only other lady she'll share a desk with is Andrea Mitchell and her giant floating head? And I think this is basically the same question: do you want Hillary to be the most powerful woman in the Obama White House? I mean, on the one hand — as it's been pointed out — not a lot of other women's names are out there. On the other hand: Hillary. Bill.

MEGAN: We should probably comment on the fact that the freezing cold Erin Burnett just said that 80% of Russians would have voted for Obama, in part because they're hoping Obama will fix the chilly relations between us that Putin —who has his hand firmly up Medvedev's butt — is making worse over missile defense and South Ossetia... even though Putin, the cause of the chilly relations, is still damn popular himself . Well, she didn't say that part about Putin having his hand up Medvedev's butt but mostly because the KGB starting filming her there at the end.

ANA MARIE: Perhaps the KGB just wanted a look at Erin's delicious ass.

MEGAN: On Hillary, I mean, am I in love with John Kerry, Chuck Hagel, Sam friggin' Nunn or Bill McGrabbyhands Richardson? No. But it's not going to be Sam Powers or Susan Rice.

ANA MARIE: Hagel would be a disaster. I love the rumor that the Hillary thing got leaked basically just fuck with Senor McGrabby.

MEGAN: You thought watching Bush paw Merkel's shoulders that time was embarrassing, wait 'til Richardson gets his paws on her ass, even if she is a little old for his taste.

ANA MARIE: Hagel would just go around hitting people rather than caressing them.

MEGAN: Honestly, in that group, having Bill Clinton paw my ass would likely be my best option, not that he supposedly does that any more.

ANA MARIE: Right. And his complete reform of c) is another reason Hillary will not be SecState.

MEGAN: Please, please, please tell me you just heard that on MSNBC?

ANA MARIE: No. I am projecting.

MEGAN: Their slightly fey entertainment reporter just said, "Justin Timberlake in heels and tights? Yes, Pat Buchanan, there is a Santa Claus."

ANA MARIE: Justin Timberlake for SecState!

MEGAN: I'd smack his ass for him!

ANA MARIE: I'm working really hard to get from "Timberlake in tights" to reminding everyone that Rahm is a ballet dancer... but I guess i don't really have to work that hard. Lindsey Graham totally wishing they all could wear tights to the transition meeting.

MEGAN: Lindsay Graham wishes he could pick the colors, and you know he'd have one of them in fishnets. Hard to decide whether it would be Rahm or Barry. And do you think Rahm still counts time in 8's (that's a joke for everyone who ever took dance lessons)?

ANA MARIE: Perhaps that's why losing part of a finger didn't phase him. Oh, and McCain trivia: When he hosted SNL, Mark Salter left him for a bit to go smoke and when he returned, the senator was in the middle of putting on fishnets for his Barbara Streisand skit... a costuming decision, safe to say, that had not been pre approved. Disaster was avoided, the nations' eyes were spared and McCain held onto his dignity for a whole nuther 8 years. and then Palin happened... Salter was unable to stop that.

MEGAN: And, I have to say, the inside of my brain needs a good acid-wash now, as I was unable to avoid the mental image of seated McCain in a wife-beater and a thong, slowly unrolling a pair of fishnet stockings up one if his legs held high in the air with a pointed toe (because of the ballet conversation).

ANA MARIE: See if you can sub in Rahm.

MEGAN: The thong doesn't fit Rahm as well.

ANA MARIE: How do you think that meeting goes today, btw?

MEGAN: I'm assuming it will be about as productive as the G-20, which is to say that it will be a lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

ANA MARIE: Hm. I respectfully disagree.

MEGAN: About the G-20, or the Obama-McCain confab?

ANA MARIE: McCain Obama confab. All Obama needs to do is to tell McCain he wants to put him in charge of a new immigration bill. And then Lindsey will clap his hands together like a little girl.

MEGAN: And thereby shred whatever credibility McCain still has within the Republican party? Awesome. I'm guessing lobbying reform, since that's reportedly where their relationship went sour.

ANA MARIE: I don't think McCain gives a fuck about the GOP. At this point, he is truly free.

MEGAN: True, although McCain did nearly completely reverse himself on immigration since the start of the campaign.

ANA MARIE: Actually, the problem Rs had with him was that he didn't reverse himself enough. He changed his rhetoric but he favors comprehensive reform.

MEGAN: How exceedingly practical of him! That's so unlike a Republican. But pushing an Obama immigration bill would make him the Lieberman of the Republican party, at a minimum.

ANA MARIE: Lieberman is the Lieberman of the Republican party. And, like we're saying, McCain is not a very good Republican. Oh, and another point! Lots of chatter among pundits about whether or not the meeting will be "uncomfortable" because of the "harsh campaigning." I think that's pundits wanting drama where there doesn't have to be any. These are big boys.

MEGAN: Do people think they're going to go at it at 20 paces or something? Bitch-slap fest? If they were going to be dicks, they wouldn't do it.

ANA MARIE: And yet we're going to get HOURS AND HOURS of speculation about it. That's what today is looking like, "news"-wise

MEGAN: I mean, when the biggest bold-faced names out of the Obama camp are Greg Craig, Phil Schiliro, and Valerie Jarrett, imagining a pants-off, dance-off between Rahm Emanuel and Lindsay Graham is way more fun.

ANA MARIE: I think we can imagine the "vetting" of Bill Clinton as a pants-off dance off as well.

MEGAN: [shudders] The other big story is that Obama might have to give up his blackberry, and he's not even going to go into rehab.

ANA MARIE: I have to say this makes me a little sad.

MEGAN: The end of his Blackberry, or Bill Clinton dancing in his underoos?

ANA MARIE: Barry berry-less. As much as I thought the whole "McCain can't email" thing was a pointless crit, the idea of Obama being theoretically available via email was really humanizing, as weird as it may be to think of email as humanizing I mean, surely, there's a way for him to keep emailing. If we can put a man on the moon, etc.

MEGAN: I mean, I also hate and think it's a shit thing that the reason they're doing it is so that less of his stuff will be accessibly under open records laws.

ANA MARIE: Exactly. Sort of voids the point of records laws...

MEGAN: That, and I sort of feel like: if you're not going to be DOING ANYTHING WRONG why does it matter?

ANA MARIE: Because it's not as though those discussions won't happen... or as though Obama won't ever do anything shady.

MEGAN: It'll just be Change if he does fewer shady things.

ANA MARIE: What if he does just as many but because he's so fucking disciplined we just never find out? I consider this a real possibility.

MEGAN: The problem is not whether he remains disciplined, its whether every single person that works with him remains so, and history says that they won't. Four years, let alone 8, is a long time to keep one's yap shut when there are reporters around stroking your ego and lots and lots of alcohol. Plus, as advisers start rolling over around the 2 year mark — and they have at least some time to kill given his lobbying restrictions — people are going to be looking to talk. That's how it works. He'd be better off keeping the Blackberry to remind him not to say or do stupid sketchy shit and turning over his emails to conservative interest groups than pretending like his sketchy shit isn't going to get found out.

ANA MARIE: Megan Carpentier for Deputy Chief of Staff!

After midnight
I got caught up in other threads, but the panel continued apace.

JASON: God. What were you thinking about when you woke up this morning. Doesn't it seem a decade ago?
SPENCER: What seems like a decade ago was the most despicably corrupt and abusive and ignorant and destructive and cynical and amoral administration in history, and yet it won't end for almost three months.
JASON: Picking through it's entrails will take even longer.
SPENCER: "...we may not get there in one year or in one term, but America I promise you, we as a people will get there." HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.
[ Latoya has entered the room]
SPENCER: LATOYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAA
LATOYA: Hell yes we can!
What's up y'all. Sorry so late, we got to drinking and crying...you know how it goes
SPENCER: Have you heard these MLK cadences and references in the victory speech?
MEGAN: Um, all the Lincoln stuff?
LATOYA: Yes, but I'm a bit too overwhelmed to process right now. I keep getting text messages from people who never wanted to vote, who never voted before, who felt so disengaged from politics - they feel a part of this too. It's sensory overload.
SPENCER: YES — WE — CAN. The return of it, through redemption.
MEGAN: It really is, I'm not processing anymore
SPENCER: This is even better than the Denver speech. How do we not become inured to this?
JASON: About five years ago, I was sitting at Tonic with my wife and a couple of friends, and I had had a few, not a lot, and I don't know how I got onto the topic, but I remember distinctly going off on a long lamentation about what it was like to be alive in the time of my life. Because it seemed to me that so many frontiers had been reached before I was born. And it seemed like so many frontiers would be denied by an overall mean-mindedness and smallness. And I wondered that night if I would ever live to see anything in this world that truly made me feel like there was a reason for me to be alive. And I lamented the lack of faith I had in those possibilities. All I can say tonight is that I never should have doubted, and I should have kept the faith, and I feel like the luckiest person in the world for having been proven wrong.
LATOYA: It is redemption, Spencer. This blowout was the end of an era. I really feel like I am waking up to a new America tomorrow. (Now, old America could be back next week, but still.) We're all lucky, Jason.
JASON: And with that, my editor tells me that he just got invited to the Mitt Romney in 2012 Facebook group. Seems our work is never done.

11:46 ET
As they call states, I will update here, but check Barack Obama's speech in a live thread, starting when he does: around midnight.
SPENCER: The largest presidential victory since Reagan 84. For the most liberal candidate since Lyndon Johnson.
MEGAN: LBJ may have been arguably less liberal.
SPENCER: INSHALLAH! Gergen and CNN are like the victory speech will tell us how Obama will govern. And yet I recall Bush's eloquent, bipartisan and conciliatory speech from Dec 12, 2000.

11:44 ET
Arizona went for McCain, Hawai'i for Obama. Obama has 338 electoral votes to McCain's 156 at this point.

11:37 ET
Nevada went for Obama, according to MSNBC. This is really turning into a blowout. Eugene Robinson on MSNBC keeps choking up and it's making me teary. I recommend watching him.

11:33 ET
SPENCER: Guys, Obama is up by 5000 votes in North Carolina with 93 percent of the vote in.
MEGAN: Fuck yeah.

11:30 ET
SPENCER: What is that music they're playing at McCain HQ? It's like the background theme to the scene in Braveheart where William Wallace gets drawn and quartered
JASON: That could be exactly what it is, you know.

11:27 ET
John again mentions that America chose Barack Obama and Joe Biden, and his crowd boos again and McCain says, "Enough." Someone then shouts out "Sarah!" For real, this is an extremely, extremely classy speech. His supporters can't ruin that, thankfully, mostly because, for once, he won't let them.

11:25 ET
When he mentions Sarah Palin, the crowd goes wild. Jason points out that someone shouted out "Palin 2012!" at McCain's concession speech. Really?

11:21 ET
Overall, an extremely classy speech by John McCain. He shot down people booing, shouted out Madelyn Dunham, and asked his supporters to support the next President. Someone in the background is shouting, "Nobama," like, dude, what the fuck. McCain is keeping it classy. If he had been this John McCain the last couple of months, seriously, I wonder what I'd be writing right now.

11:19 ET
McCain gives his concession speech. People boo the mention of Obama's name, and when McCain admits that Obama loves this country, people shout angrily.

11:18 ET
SPENCER: Fuck this I'm going to say it. Who here can really say they felt this American since 9/11? Last time from fear, this time from hope. All after this dark night of being told we were somehow less than American. And we're WHITE.
MEGAN: Jesse Jackson is crying.
SPENCER: Jesse Jackson is crying
MEGAN: I don't know how to watch older men weep.

11:16 ET
MSNBC calls Florida for Ohio as well, and they've got Congressman John Lewis (D-GA). He's speechless, practically. I mean, for a Congressman.

11:14 ET
MSNBC gives Colorado to Obama. This is really turning into a landslide.

11:12 ET
MSNBC reports that McCain called Obama to concede.

11:06 ET
SPENCER: They said this day — say it with me — WOULD NEVER COME.
MEGAN: I don't know that I actually really, really thought it would happen until right now.

11:03 ET
Not that you were really worried at this point, but Oregon and Washington apparently went for Obama, too. Everyone is grooving to Stevie, obviously.

11:01 ET
SPENCER: THE 44TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
MEGAN: Wow.
SPENCER: The dirt is officially off of America's shoulder.

11:00 ET
California goes for Obama, which means that Obama has 275 electoral votes. HE WON!!

10:59 ET
Bill Hemmer admits what we all suspected was the Republican strategy while talking about the Virginia vote total: "This is a state that John McCain knew he had to keep the overall vote total down to beat Obama."

10:52 ET
SPENCER: Could it be that with VA, Obama wins the presidency even without the West Coast? Is Biggie's dream coming true? WILL CRAIG MACK COME OUT OF RETIREMENT????
MEGAN: According to Fox exit polls, 92% of African-America voters in VA went for Obama, but only 39 percent of us crackers did. 63% of new voters went for Obama. Bush won independents by 10 points in 2004, Obama took then by 1 tonight.

10:45 ET
Spencer says that while I was entranced by Chuck Todd, Fox called Virginia for Obama. America, fuck yeah!

10:44 ET
Chuck Todd points out that, given the current projections, Obama taking California and Hawai'i alone gets him to 266 of the 270 required electoral votes.

10:40 ET
Republican strategist Michael Murphy says, "I'm doing a little back-of-the-envelope math with my friend Dr. Smirnoff back here." My friend is Madame Guenoc Petite Sirah 2005.

10:37 ET
MSNBC calls South Dakota for John McCain.

10:36 ET
Virginia's Board of Elections shows that with 87% of precincts reporting, Obama just pulled away in Virginia and is now up by 31,000 votes. Jason says, "Yeah. I think they finally counted my vote." Mine, too.

10:28 ET
Howard Fineman on MSNBC says, "[McCain adviser] Mark Salter sounded like he'd been run over by a truck." Anna says "Please, someone, back that truck over him."

10:25 ET
SPENCER: ... remember how in 2003-4, there was all this talk about how the Democrats were in danger of no longer being a national party?
MEGAN: They're taking back the Midwest, bitches.
JASON: And the West. And, it's still possible to claim NC. I give Obama a slim shot at NC.

10:23 ET
Dana Bash on CNN says that Sarah Palin and John McCain are watching their loss together in the Goldwater Suite at the Biltmore Hotel. Um, I guess no one is superstitious? I guess I forgot to mention, but Mississippi recently went McCain.

10:12 ET
JASON: I am officially calling Virginia for Obama.
MEGAN: Ok, you are the new Chuck Todd!
SPENCER: Chris Shays concedes in CT. House GOP now officially extinct in New England. NO SLEEP TILL LIEBERMAN!
MEGAN: God, I wish. WTF happened to him? Did you see today he promised to filibuster with the Republicans?
JASON: Someone really should drop by Hillaryis44 and see what those idiots are saying about tonight. "A Wee Childe's Garden Of Retardation."
MEGAN: Most of them bailed out of the comment thread at 9:30, and are accusing Obama of fraud, the rest of us of not getting it and predicting the country is going to hell. Don't bother.

10:10 ET
SPENCER: [Republican strategist Alex] Castellanos on the GOP: "We broke our brand... We spread the impression, and rightly so, that what we came to Washington to end, we became."
MEGAN: Ouch. But right.

10:09 ET
Fox is calling the Georgia Senate race for Chambliss. But, you know, they did that for Wicker a minute ago. He does have to get above 50 to avoid a runoff.

10:06 ET
Fox News takes back its call for Wicker, decided to call it "too close" to call. They give Idaho to McCain, though. They say that Colorado's Senate race is too close to call, ditto for Louisiana's Senate race.

10:00 ET
MSNBC gives Iowa to Obama, Utah to McCain. Fox has Nebraska, Kansas for McCain. Texas' John Cornyn (R) will keep his seat, Carl Levin (D-MI), Tom Harkin (D-IA) and Max Baucus (D-MT) will keep theirs. Fox is projected Roger Wicker (R-MS) will keep his seat, which means that unless the Dems pull of a victory that no one expected, they won't get a filibuster-proof majority.

9:58 ET
JASON: Obama has taken the lead in Virginia. And they haven't counted my vote yet!

9:55 ET
McCain takes Texas. Whoo.

9:51 ET
Virginia's Board of Elections has 40% of Arlington County precincts reporting 66% for Obama. Not that we're Real Virginia. Sadly for McCain, our votes count like we are. HA HA.

9:45 ET
Louisiana went for McCain. There's your legacy of Katrina.

9:43 ET
KAY: If people care about the ballot initiatives, early results show both the SD ban and the CO "personhood" amendment as losing so far.
MEGAN: Good, now if we can just keep California from passing Prop 8...

9:41 ET
The Dems just picked up the New Mexico Senate seat. That's 4 Dem pickups, if you're counting. Also, Chuck Todd just said that calling it a "narrow" path to the Electoral College for John McCain is stretching.

9:35 ET
KAY: McCain FAIL.
MEGAN: Totally.
SPENCER: MSNBC has Obama winning Ohio & NH. And what Kerry state could Obama possibly lose to McCain? CNN just called Ohio for Obama. YES, I THINK WE JUST DID.
MEGAN: Karl Rove was on Fox saying McCain had to take WA, OR, CA or HI, which seems fucking unlikely.
JASON: McCain may as well shit himself a pantsload of gold doubloons.
SPENCER: I am cueing up "Dirt Off Your Shoulder."
JASON: Word. Gimme the Jay-Z/Verve mashup. ABC News now has the Old Dominion at 50/50 with 72% reporting. I think Amanda Mattos' mission of mercy may have made the difference.
KAY: I guess this was wildly inaccurate. Huh.

9:31 ET
Looking at my TV, I note that South Dakota has re-elected Senator Tim Johnson, who started 2006 with a massive brain bleed that almost killed him. At the time, I was friendly with some (Republican) South Dakota politicians, one of whom was short-listed for the appointment if he passed. So I called him and said, "Hey, wow," and he said, "You know, it's an honor to be thought of in that way, but I just hope that Tim Johnson pulls through." That guy was all class. He's out of office now.

9:27 ET
KAY: Nate Silver, hot or awkward? My friends are divided on this issue.
SPENCER: I have just emailed Nate with the promise of sex with 100 Jezebels.
MEGAN: Although not my type, I was prevailed upon/ordered to add him to the list of the 10 break-out election hotties. There was a lot of affirmation of this choice.
JASON: Hank Williams, Jr. is singing at the McCain party. Hey Hank! Are you ready for some gettin' your punk ass handed to you? Also: talent skipped a generation.
SPENCER: HAHAHAHA JAMAL IS ON THIS LIST. He goes to my gym.
MEGAN: Yeah, that one was all me.

9:24 ET
JASON: 538 is back up, which in no way should stop those 100 Jezebelles from comforting Nate Silver.

9:23 ET
MSNBC follows Fox's lead and calls Ohio for Obama (according to Anna). Fox is all but calling the election over, barring a miracle.

9:21 ET
JASON: WorryTrolls have apparently killed 538.com.
MEGAN: Aw, poor Nate Silver. I think at least 100 Jezebels would be happy to comfort him personally.

9:18 ET
Fox calls Ohio for Obama! It means that McCain needs to pick up a Washington or Oregon to get past 266 (he needs 270 Electoral College votes to win). Karl Rove sounds depressed: "No Republican has ever won while losing the state of Ohio."

9:16 ET
Republican strategist Mike Murphy on MSNBC notes that McCain isn't doing as well as he was polling in Republican counties in Florida and he's behind with the Democratic counties barely reporting. Harold Ford (former Democratic Congressman from Tennessee and Julia Allison shtupper when she was a Georgetown student with a different last name) notes what I just did about Arlington County not reporting a damn thing yet.

9:13 ET
Governor Jennifer Granholm (D-MI) is on MSNBC. She says, "Forget 'drill, baby, drill,' in Michigan, it's 'jobs, baby, jobs.'" She's sounding a little fabulously gloat-y about how Bush and McCain both pulled out. Love her.

9:09 ET
Chuck Todd reports that there aren't a lot of votes counted in the northern Virginia counties of Fairfaz, Loudon, Prince William or Arlington. Current VA Board of Elections data have a 35,000 vote difference between McCain and Obama.

JASON: SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS. Remember! It's LOUDON. My god, if you fuck that up, those sprawl-loving fucks won't let you forget it.
MEGAN: There has GOT to be 35,000 votes in Arlington alone.
KAY: At least.

9:00 ET
Fox News calls Wisconsin, New Mexico, Minnesota, Michigan and New York for Obama, North Dakota and Wyoming for McCain. North Carolina, Virginia, Florida, Indiana, Ohio and Missouri remain too close to call. New Mexico is the first Bush state to go for Obama so far... Obama is way up in Ohio, and although Brit Hume mistakenly read it as for Obama when they still consider it too close to call, Obama was whomping McCain in the early numbers.

8:54 ET
KAY: Something to remember about Minnesota (the polls close there in 6 minutes): they have day-of voter registration. This tends to boost turnout among young people, who lean Democratic.
MEGAN: Here's hoping they think Coleman looks like Lurch, too

8:49 ET
SPENCER: Megan, do we still not have Northern Va & Richmond returns?
MEGAN: Nope. Jason and I were discussing earlier that, at least in Arlington, they were offering paper ballots to every person and, at least in my district, people were really taking them up on it even though we've used these touch screens since 2004. But that means that the relatively quick results from 2006 are going to have to be later this year — and that the media has been successful in freaking people the fuck out about touch screens.
JASON: Remember, if you were standing in line at the polls in Virginia when they closed, your vote is going to be counted. Also, many key Democratic districts came in late in 2006. I'd expect the same thing.
MEGAN: Yeah, in 2006, I walked in at 6:59 pm. But, whoa, Arlington hasn't reported anything yet.

8:46 ET
Chuck Todd points out that nothing is different than 2004 yet, although it looks positive for Obama in Florida and Indiana, but Virginia is scaring him, too.

8:39 ET
Fox calls Georgia for McCain.

8:37 ET
SPENCER: NH for Obama. MAC'S BACK IS CRACK'D
JASON: Still got to poach a state.
SPENCER: Yeah, I just wanted to shit on the "Mac is Back" chant from the NH primary.
KAY: John Kerry won his re-election campaign for Senate by a wider margin than he ever could've hoped to in 2004's presidential election. I think the Senate is his true calling.
MEGAN: Brit Hume does NOT look happy about announcing PA
SPENCER: Kay, I wouldn't bet on that.
MEGAN: Megyn Kelly is saying that the only group in PA that sided with McCain is white Catholics. 81% of Hillary supporters went for Obama. Whoa, 51% of seniors went for Obama.

8:30 ET
Fox is calling Arkansas for McCain, but Ohio, Florida, Indiana, Georgia and North Carolina are still too close to call. They're just now calling Pennsylvania. In terms of Senate races, Democratic Senator Mark Pryor will keep his seat in Arkansas. Republican Jim Inhofe will keep his in Oklahoma according to MSNBC.

8:23 ET
JASON: I have to say, it would be bittersweet for me if Virginia wasn't part of an Obama victory. I'm of the belief, though, that as in 2006, the key Democratic districts are going to come in late.
MEGAN: God, I hope so because the Board of Election's numbers are freaking me the fuck out right now.
KAY: The wildly unreliable exit polls show Obama leading among men and women in VA. If they're right, the math is undeniable. And agreed on VA's BOE.

8:15 ET
Jason informed us, solemnly, that the New Hampshire Senate race has been called for former Democratic Governor Jean Shaheen. That's the 3rd Demoratic pick-up for the night, but they don't get Maine or Kentucky. Democratic Senator Dick Durbin won in Illinois but (sniff) lost his 44-year-old daughter to a birth defect last weekend. John Kerry keeps his seat in Massachusetts. MSNBC says that both Mississippi Senate seats are too close, and Alabama and Oklahoma races are too early to call. They are not calling North Carolina for Hagan. Yet.

8:14 ET
SPENCER: Take a drink every time Dana Bash blinks and you will be FITSHACED.
MEGAN: That will make it very, very difficult to live blog.

8:10 ET
Fox calls North Carolina for Kay Hagan! Fuck you and your "godless" commercial, Liddy Dole!

8:07 ET
Fox calls Kentucky's Senate race for McConnell, but Democrat Jean Shaheen appears to be way up in New Hampshire and ditto Kay Hagan in North Carolina.

SPENCER:I can't say I'm happy about the McConnell call, but the way that AFSCME gay-baited him was really repugnant and a betrayal of liberal values.
MEGAN: Repugnant and ineffective. Hopefully we can say the same thing about Liddy Dole's "Godless" commercials.

8:03 ET
Fox calls Senatorial wins for Democrats Joe Biden (DE), Frank Lautenburg (NJ). Republican Susan Collins is the projected winner in Maine. It's still too close to call for McConnell in Kentucky, Dole in North Carolina or Chambliss in Georgia. John Cornyn (R-TX), Lamar Alexander (R-TN), Jay Rockefeller (D-WV) will keep their seats.

8:00 ET
MSNBC calls Pennsylvania, Illinois, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Maryland, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Maine, Delaware and D.C. for Obama. McCain gets Tennessee, Oklahoma. Obama's got 103 and McCain's got 34 electoral votes based on those projections.

7:58 ET
This is what happens when America keeps us waiting.

MEGAN: Valerie Jarrett is on MSNBC and is wearing a shirt from the Ann Taylor factory store. I know because I own the same shirt.
JASON: I'm sure you wear it better, Megan.
KAY: But we all know that coverage of women's clothing is sexist.
MEGAN: I am a sexist, everyone knows.

7:53 ET
Our team seems to have lost focus, except for Kay who is steely-eyed in her resolve to keep us on track.
JASON: The only question so far this election is: How many CNN employees got laid off so Wolf Blitzer could talk to fucking holograms?
MEGAN: Damn, MSNBC just showed a commercial for Australia and I now want to see it so. bad.
SPENCER: It took a 2-mile walk, but I now have a 6-pack of High Life and a Wendy's bacon cheeseburger. I'd like to believe the fact that I scored the last BBQ sauce packet augurs well for Obama-Biden.
KAY: Obama appears to have won a significant county in Indiana.

7:48 ET
Taking one for the team, Jason is watching Fox and says they have called West Virginia has been called for McCain.
JASON: No surprises so far. McCain wins SC, KY, up in WV (Fox has already called it.)

7:46 ET
MSNBC calls South Carolina for McCain, and Olberman says that an AP poll shows that 1/3 of voters who voted to re-elected Republican Governor Mitch Daniels (former Bush OMB Director and Eli Lilly exec) in Indiana voted for Obama.

7:43 ET
Have become completely obsessed with the Fox/MSNBC scrolls of individual House races. Olbermann is showing vid of McCain's last speech on the Straight Talk Plane. Cindy's staring at him adoringly. She's wearing her "I Voted!" sticker. His cardboard cutout is staring at me from behind McCain's right shoulder. He's kissing the press's collective ass. Amusingly, Lieberman was standing directly behind him.

7:35 ET ET
Virginia's Board of Elections shows that with about 5% of precincts reporting, McCain is up by 13,000 votes about of 103,000 counted so far. It's mostly rural counties reporting, with some suburban, according to Michael Barone on Fox News.

7:32 ET
Fox News is reporting that the North Carolina Senate race is too close to call and Kay Hagan has a slight lead. McConnell has a very slight lead in Kentucky. Chambliss has a slight lead but it's too close (and he has to get about 50% to avoid a run off in December).

7:30 ET
MSNBC reporting it's too close to call in North Carolina; Ohio and West Virginia are too early to call. Virginia and Georgia are too early to call, still, and Indiana is still too close (about 15,000 vote difference with only 14% in). I miss when they just used to call shit.

7:23 ET
I hate doing this, but Fox News' standards for what they'll show is way lower. With less than 1% in, they've got McCain way up in Florida and Georgia, a little up in Indiana with 10% in and Obama waaaay up in Maine with less than 1% in. MSNBC projects the Dems to take 261 seats in the House, Fox has them taking far fewer. They are now reporting another stupid lawsuit against Brunner in Ohio. They really, really like suing there in Ohio.

7:16 ET
MSNBC says Virginia's too early to call. That's because the Virginia Board of Elections does not plan to start releasing data until 7:30 ET. MSNBC exits polls could be positive for Obama.

7:02 ET
MSNBC projects Mark Warner (D) will pick up the open Virginia Senate seat and Lindsay Graham (R-SC) will keep his. It's too close to call in Kentucky (incumbent: Republican Mitch McConnell) and Georgia (incumbent: Republican Saxby Chambliss).

7:00 ET
MSNBC projects Kentucky for McCain, Vermont for Obama. They are not calling: Indiana (too close), Georgia (too early), Virginia (too early), South Carolina (too early).

6:50 ET
JASON: I just need to say: Someone has got to knock down this rumor of a Kristen Wiig/Joe The Plumber tryst PRETTY DAMNED QUICK. Who do we have on this?
MEGAN: If I were really drunk, I would hit that, too.
JASON: All I can say, is that with the level of notoriety he's gotten for himself, I'd better tune in in about two years to discover that he's the motherfucking KING OF THE PLUMBERS. If Joe can't become the Rupert Goddamn Murdoch of Plumbing and HVAC Repair, then he needs to get kicked in the fucking nuts by the entire nation.
MEGAN: I'll take the first shot.
JASON: Yes you can.

• Sarah Palin feels the press should be forced to report about her in a certain way to avoid abridging her First Amendment rights. Add the actual First Amendment to Article I, Section 3 of the Constitution on the list of Constitutional amendments Sarah Palin is planning when she is Empress of America. [Huffington Post, U.S. Constitution]
• If you needed any other reasons to vote against McCain-Palin, Politico's list of Cabinet officials should help. It's got Dick Armitage for Secretary of State, Lindsay Graham for Secretary of Defense, Rudy Giuliani for Attorney General (!) and Randy "Biggest Asshole In the Universe" Scheunemann as National Security Advisor. And you thoughT Palin was a bad pick. [Politico]
• By contrast, their list of potential Administration officials for Obama reads like a liberal's wet dream. [Politico]
• Hey, while you weren't looking, Bush has been sneaking around trying to push controversial deregulation to "ease" consumer and environmental protections. Fuck. [Washington Post]

• Former Reagan Chief of Staff-turned-lobbyist Ken Duberstein jumped on the Hope train, citing Colin Powell's endorsement and the fact that "Even at McDonalds, you're interviewed three times before you're given a job." as his reasons. Oh, snap. [Politico]
• Larry Eagleburger today got a first hand experience with what McCain doesn't consider torture after saying that Palin would only be "adequate" if she had to play President. His balls will be returned to him shortly by Mark Salter, but his self-respect, well, that ain't ever coming back. [Talking Points Memo]
• Republican Senator Saxby Chambliss — who proved in 2002 that he never had any when he attacked decorated Vietnam veteran and multiple amputee, Senator Max Cleland, for lacking in patriotism — told a group of predominately white voters that they had to get to the polls because "The other folks are voting." Oh, and he didn't even try to pretend he wasn't talking about his African-American constituents, either, not that he probably considers them that. [Huffington Post]
• In other batshit crazy Republican news, Alaska Senator Ted Stevens, recent convicted of 7 felony charges stemming from gifts he accepted, went home to Alaska and told everyone he wasn't convicted. Um, I think they have the news up there, Ted. Sarah Palin said so. Looks like someone is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. [Politico]
• Oh, and Senator Liddy Dole's got a new ad attacking oppOnent Kay Hagan's supposed godlessness. I'm guessing she won't be getting a job running a non-partisan, non-profit charity when she hopefully loses. [Firedoglake]

ANA MARIE: Good morning.

MEGAN: Hello! I now have coffee brewing, it smells good enough I almost feel like I don't hate the world.

ANA MARIE: I am discussing hotel reward points with other reporters and eating bacon and fruit. THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS.

MEGAN: Bacon is always a part of the breakfast of champions, and I have now determined what I shall be eating once we finish. Porky deliciousness, which is really just a way to bring up Ted Stevens, who Palin has decided should resign.

ANA MARIE: FINALLY. Next, Palin will appoint herself as replacement.

MEGAN: You know that's coming.

ANA MARIE: Though I do not mean to suggest that Obama is inevitable!

MEGAN: Somehow, though, I don't see her having a warm relationship with Senator McCain when she gets there.

ANA MARIE: We on the trail have been discussing whether or not she will even invite McCain to Bristol's wedding — since he is, you know, the reason why she has to get married. In a just world, he'd officiate.

MEGAN: But they love each other! They always planned to get married! I'll bet she invited him for the gift because you know he ain't flying to Alaska.

ANA MARIE: I actually don't mean to be cynical about that. I mean, I am, but on the other hand: I thought I'd marry my high school bf, too.

MEGAN: Me too! True story: remember those machines in the mall that print business cards and invitations? We printed a fake wedding invite one time.

ANA MARIE:Who do you think WILL have a warm relationship with Sen. McCain? Mel Martinez?

MEGAN: Lindsay Graham's love for McCain will never, ever die.

ANA MARIE: No. He will die wearing the wedding dress he picked out.

MEGAN: He will have to be buried in it. I mean, you gotta admit, he does look really fabulous in it.

ANA MARIE: Guy behind me: "The first polls close in six days, nine hours, and two minutes."

MEGAN: Ok, Rainman. And where do polls close at 5:30?

ANA MARIE: West Viriginia? Maybe he's lying. Some kind of elaborate voter fraud project.

MEGAN: Maybe I am just better at math? It's slightly less elaborate than printing up flyers complete with logos and shit to pretend that Election Day has been moved. I mean, really?

ANA MARIE: What, it hasn't? Shit. I was looking forward to collecting more Hilton Honors points. Also, someone tell Mickey Mouse.

MEGAN: Dude, if they moved it to this week, I would totally be okay with that. It's Wednesday and I'm too tired to move to get the coffee I can now smell. I'm so bored I spent 5 minutes reading about Kwame Kilpatrick's cell and sexy texts just to not think about the election any more and then the damn reporters snuck it in there at the end anyway. Bastards.

ANA MARIE: I was watching a zombie movie last night and couldn't help wondering which party they'd vote for. This election has infected my brain.

MEGAN: I think the zombies, like al Qaeda, would want McCain to win, if only because, what with his arms, he seems like one of them. Yeah, I went there.

ANA MARIE: It's okay. It's hard not to.

MEGAN: Oh, and it turns out that Ashley Todd is not a McCain plant trying to turn people against Obama, she's a Ron Paul plant pretending to be a McCain plant trying to turn people against Obama to turn people against McCain. Soooo crazy. She's like the Manchurian Candidate and shit.

ANA MARIE: Personally, I think zombies would vote for Ron Paul!

MEGAN: He would be like the Pied Piper for zombies, I would agree. All that yelling, they'd be really distracted. Bonus points: after they voted, Ron Paul's living supporters could then serve as sustenance for the zombies. Bonus, bonus points: Democrats could finally accuse Republicans of mining the cemeteries of this great nation for voters.

ANA MARIE: There's a "Chicago machine politician" joke in there somewhere but I haven't finished my bacon.

MEGAN: I need a bacon butler in the morning. And a coffee steward.

ANA MARIE: So did Cindy McCain.

MEGAN: But why did she need John McCain?

ANA MARIE: I think the proper emphasis is, "Why did SHE need John McCain?" Or maybe, "Why did she NEED John McCain?" Sorry, that's totally the lack of bacon talking.

MEGAN: I am seriously going to have to go cook some damn bacon when we finish this.

ANA MARIE: Should we talk about Nicolle Wallace and her sexy under the bus pose?

MEGAN: Yes, I think we should. I'm glad she decided to tell Fred Barnes he'd better apologize.

ANA MARIE: She didn't really tell him that, she just busted out the whoop ass.

MEGAN: Which, good for her, make him squeal like the bitch he is. Who says women can't play political hardball? Don't fuck with Nicolle Wallace.

ANA MARIE: Usually it's just Bill Bennett that makes him do that. She's the velvet fist in an iron glove or whatever. (Speaking of Bill Bennett.) What I loved about Nicolle? She set her sights on Fred and did not let him out during that entire interview. SHE INVOLVED HER DOG IN THE MESSAGING. She's scarier than Mark Salter. He would just hurt you.

MEGAN: Did Fred Barnes make her puppy cry? That bastard!

ANA MARIE: Nicolle can DESTROY YOU. (From the interview: "We reached Wallace Monday night, enjoying a rare evening at home with her dog, Lily, who also joined the conversation at one point. "That's Lily protecting me from Fred Barnes," Wallace explained.")

MEGAN: Nicolle should figure out who suggested to Freddie Back that it was all her fault and destroy him. Rick Davis seems like enough of a backstabbing little diva to do it.

ANA MARIE: I think she has some ideas. No one in the press corps does tho... Seriously, favorite game right now is "who would be so stupid as to get on Nicolle's bad side?" Okay you have just made the obvious point that I should have. Davis. Totally. Wanted to do go to Saks himself

MEGAN: Also, let us take on short moment to point out that the purchases were all made by Robocaller extraordinaire Jeff Larson.

ANA MARIE: Who hasn't even denied it!

MEGAN: With whom one imagines Wallace doesn't necessarily work that closely.

ANA MARIE: Here's the other thing: Wallace is a Bushie. She knows how to hide illegal expenses. There would be no RNC disclosure of Wallace purchases. I kid, obviously. Though I only say that because I think she knows how to have me killed.

MEGAN: It does seem pretty junior varsity, I agree. And Nicolle is not JV squad.

ANA MARIE: Hold on. I have to get wanded.

MEGAN: Tell him to do it the sexy way.

ANA MARIE: I've been wanded! Wanded is one of the words I'll miss from the campaign. That and "manifest." As in a staffer telling me, "I'll manifest you." It sounds like one simply APPEARS somewhere.

MEGAN: Manifest destiny is all I can think of when you say that.

ANA MARIE: See, I think of manifestations.

MEGAN: I think I have proved once and for all that I paid way too much attention in class.

ANA MARIE: And I pay too much attention to the SciFi channel.

MEGAN: So, shall we briefly discuss the irony of the woman who wants to change the Constitution to give herself more power if she wins accusing her opponent of wanting to change the Constitution?

ANA MARIE: Do you think Palin would recognize the Constitution if she saw it? Like, the text? Maybe the part about guns...

MEGAN: I'm not sure she would recognize it if it walked up to her on the street Schoolhouse Rock style and slapped her for all the shit she's been talking about it behind its back.

ANA MARIE: But then she would shoot it.

MEGAN: So, the following things should not be mixed: champagne, mai tais, rum & cokes, random shots, tequila and whatever else I drank last night. I was so dehydrated when I woke up this morning that it was hard to brush my teeth.

SPENCER: (Autoreply) only if you're Megan

Hahahaha my away message actually gains a new context thanks to what you just wrote. I was in bed by 10:30 and feel fantastic!

MEGAN: Are we deliberately alternating hangovers? Should we?

SPENCER: That's an interesting experiment. Kind of like a cap and trade system? The objective is to limit the world's aggregate hangovers by creating a market for them. Yet, as we all know, markets fail, and fail epically.

MEGAN: Yes, I believe WaMu shareholders are finding that out.

SPENCER: And their failure can yield political failure that also attains epic proportions, yielding spectacles like this:

In the Roosevelt Room after the session, the Treasury secretary, Henry M. Paulson Jr., literally bent down on one knee as he pleaded with Nancy Pelosi, the House Speaker, not to “blow it up” by withdrawing her party’s support for the package over what Ms. Pelosi derided as a Republican betrayal.

“I didn’t know you were Catholic,” Ms. Pelosi said, a wry reference to Mr. Paulson’s kneeling, according to someone who observed the exchange. She went on: “It’s not me blowing this up, it’s the Republicans.”
Mr. Paulson sighed. “I know. I know.”

Holy shit! You wonder if Paulson started singing Boyz II Men.

MEGAN: That would've been kind of awesome, though I think the person Paulson needs to ass-kiss is John Boehner, whose name is technically pronounced BAY-ner but after fucking up the bailout at John McCain's request yesterday, I think we can just pronounce it how it looks.

SPENCER: You know what's perfect about Boehner? He has an aide named Kevin Smith. As in the Kevin Smith who fucks up everything he touches and cheapens our love for such beautiful things as comic books and the New Jersey Turnpike. And I'm unconvinced Boehner/McCain's gambit will work.

MEGAN: Dude, I think it makes John McCain look like his whole purpose in coming back here was to fuck this up. Other people agree.

SPENCER: No no no I totally get that. The scenario would be like Obama starts to hold his non-debate town hall in Mississippi, it gets five minutes in and then all the networks cut away to a McCain presser in Washington where he announces that his tireless work has yielded a deal. Right? But it's only actually a deal if the Democrats go along with it, and after yesterday's acrimony, they're not going to assist McCain in torpedoing their candidate. Well, maybe Hillary.

MEGAN: Well, Hillary's totally not involved in it. And, yeah, I mean, McCain's backing the Boehner plan which is to provide tax breaks to companies that buy up bad debt and provide government insurance for it all because, as WaMu and IndyMac proved, insuring bad debt doesn't cost taxpayers any money whatsoever!

SPENCER: So the Democrats get to be on the right side substantively and politically, and McCain reinforces the narrative of his unforced error. How is this bad for Obama? I remember how yesterday's liberal conventional wisdom was how McCain was setting himself up to vote against the bailout!

MEGAN: Only if Chuck Todd is right and no one televises the Obama debate.

SPENCER: That's where I have no insight. What else are the networks going to broadcast?

MEGAN: Let's hope not reruns, because I don't have cable up here.

SPENCER: It costs money for them to have to upend their scheduling for a re-done presidential debate, I imagine that they're going to just give Obama the time since at least some fraction of the audience will tune in anyway. JUST LIKE THE LIBERAL SHILLS THEY ARE. Clearly McCain has his cock in the pooch's ass here.

MEGAN: Yeah, I also love how he's all like well, if Obama had just agreed to my town hall meetings then the debates wouldn't be necessary or important. He's never going to fucking let that go, and no one gives a shit. That was a blatant political move as much as coming back to DC to "save" the bailout plan.

SPENCER: The people I feel bad for are, like, Tucker Bounds. He needed McCain to win, just really really needed it, because no one else is going to hire a flack who ruined his own credibility. I was in the Austin gymnasium where Ari Fleischer told a goggle-eyed press corps that "Palm Beach County is a Pat Buchanan stronghold" and if Bush hadn't pulled that shit out, Ari would never have been able to get another job here at all. Well, maybe that's wrong, because there's the whole spirit of "he had to lie for his boss" in DC, but still, you see what I'm getting at.

MEGAN: The problem is that Tucker Bounds is bad at it, not that he's a liar. But, yes, if McCain loses, he'll be in trouble job-wise because of his basic incompetence.

SPENCER: And Tucker Bounds' people. Basically the whole McCain communications shop. The Weekly Standard can't hire all of them. Some will have to get jobs doing things like sucking GOP staffers off in the Union Station men's room. This economy, it's tough.

MEGAN: As though GOP staffers have to pay other staffers to suck them off in the men's rooms of Union Station. Only Lindsay Graham has to do that.

SPENCER: Hey, that's never been proven.

MEGAN: That's the kind of discretion that Lindsay Graham is paying for!

SPENCER: You know what sucks about DC? If there's no debate tonight, I don't know what my plans are. I'm supposed to have people over to watch the fucking thing.

MEGAN: I'm supposed to be live-blogging the stupid thing after my sister's rehearsal dinner, so tell me about it.

SPENCER: You, you're going to a wedding, with your family, you're set, there's nothing excruciating about that. I'm at the mercy of twitter-whims.

MEGAN: You and your sarcasm.

SPENCER: Jesus FUCK there's a bunch of construction workers in my office knocking out a wall. I wish someone would have told me not to come in today.

MEGAN: Oh, if you didn't know, we do know how Treasury arrived at the $700 billion figure.

"It's not based on any particular data point," a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. "We just wanted to choose a really large number."

And that's not even why John McCain wants to scuttle the motherfucking thing.

SPENCER: Now that's how the professionals do it! I read that and just think, what these people need is $700 billion without strings attached.

MEGAN: Hey, what Republican doesn't want that?

SPENCER: So there was this event last night where my friends Ezra and Yglz held forth on where progressivism is at these days, and Ezra said something that's haunted me all night. It's probably totally obvious to anyone who isn't an economic illiterate: Liberals are about to (PROBABLY HOPEHOPEHOPEAUDACITYHOPE) take power, on the headwinds of promises to restore a sensible balance between government and the market. There will be expectations, naturally, of doing... stuff. You know, delivering on promises about health care and education and the sort of robust safety net that distinguishes liberalism from its alternatives. But there's no money for that stuff anymore — the crisis has wiped it out. So now liberalism is in an awful dilemma: power, but without the means to use it; a consensus around nationalizing huge swaths of the market, but without the ability to get it to deliver on the purchase. Later he and his fellow panelists qualified the idea to death or dismissed it, but shit, you know?

MEGAN: I think Boehner proves there isn't necessarily a consensus around nationalizing vast swaths of the market, but I think it's hilarious that it's not because of the idea of nationalizing anything but because of taxes. And, yes, this financial crisis fucks up pretty much every major expenditure program the Obama camp had on its agenda — Pelosi's already talking a wealth surtax to pay for the bailout, which then screws Obama's tax plans, which screws health care, etc. The only thing it might prompt would be a major tax system overhaul, which we need anyway. But Charlie Rangel's too deep in the shit right now to be able to put that together.

SPENCER: I can't tell if what you're saying is reassuring! Dumb it down.

MEGAN: Um, no, it wasn't reassuring. I don't have The Hope.

SPENCER: Speaking of hopelessness, have a good wedding

MEGAN: We toasted the End of Fun last night. And then annoyed a gay bar by singing "Going to the Chapel."

SPENCER: I see from your Twitter feed that your gay karaoke friends inserted SUCK MY COCK into the "Sweet Caroline" refrain. How to get Fenway Park to do that? Come on Boston fans, out of the closet with ALL of you.

MEGAN: It was way better than shouting "BUH BUH BUM" but I'm betting they just did it because they were Yankees fans.

9:27 ET: And, he's out. Back to obscurity for you, Tom Ridge! Enjoy Penna. Join me in the McCainiac thread!

9:25 ET: Volunteers have to lead the crowd in shouting "That's John McCain," because it's a shitty repeat line. I mean, my God, these people will shout "drill, baby, drill," so you know that's bad.

9:23 ET: This went from being a political speech to a crappy sermon. It's not doing a damn thing for the crowd, it's amazing in its mediocrity.

9:20 ET: John McCain can negotiate with trust and respectability because he's already got the respect of our allies. Of course, mostly we have to negotiate with our non-allies, but, details!

9:18 ET: If you can make it through this night drinking every time someone says "victory," you should really go to detox.

9:17 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

9:16 ET: Tom and John McCain are friends because they both like shitty jokes.

9:14 ET: What color is your fear? Tom Ridge knows.

9:11 ET: The background music to the film? A slower synth version of the theme to "Dallas."

9:10 ET: They're showing the Palin film that Ferret Face talked through last night.

9:09 ET: When faced with rumors that you are gay, avoid gesturing with your thumb in the way Lindsay Graham just did, as the first thing that runs through sick people's minds it that thumb up someone's butt.

9:04 ET: John McCain supported The Surge despite it being political suicide because it was the right thing to do.

9:01 ET: Boos for Moveon.org.

9:00 ET: Lindsay Graham is up. "This speech is for the troops." Does that mean I can resume ignoring Lindsay Graham?

9:00 ET: Another reporter leans over and says, "That dancing down there reminds me of 'Janet Reno's Dance Party.' Or Elaine in 'Seinfeld.'"

8:57 ET: "Danger Zone" time! But there is not a single person here who looks like Maverick and Goose shirtless, let alone Iceman. Also,thing maybe the Maverick reference is why they chose this song? Because, otherwise, it's like they're saying that John McCain will take this country into the Danger Zone...

8:53 ET: He stopped talking. It's country music time: "Put Me In Coach" it is seemingly called. I'd YouTube it for you, but then you might slick through and I wouldn't do that to you. It's way lame, which is what there are a shitload of Texans all dancing in time. I took video, which I'll spend three hours uploading to YouTube tomorrow or something because it amuses me.

8:49 ET: By the way, they've moved the podium back so I don't have any ass views. Also, Joe Gibbs has yet to say anything interesting but he just. keeps. talking. Good thing I have coffee.

8:47 ET: Joe Gibbs. They "neglect" to mention his Redskins coaching.

8:46 ET: Bye!

8:44 ET: He says "It's God first, then family, then country." Snarky reporter number two says, "Can't he read? It's country first." I say, "God, country, same thing, isn't that what we're learning here?"

8:43 ET: Brian Clay is an Olympian. Who he is requires the longest explanation of the convention so far. Also, he has kids. He's a God-y.

8:42 ET: "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"

8:41 ET: They show Rudy Giuliani and people applaud. Fucking a.

8:40 ET: The show the second plane striking the tower, the pit, the Pentagon. On the night of 9/11, I looked out on my balcony and could see the Pentagon burning over the trees. Fuck this political shit, for real. This is kind of very offensive.

8:39 ET: Creepy terrorist film. NINE ELEVEN BABY.

8:38 ET: She stopped talking.

8:37 ET: Another reporter asks me, "We have 3 branches of government, right? The military, the executive branch and... the legislative?" I am so in the right section tonight.

8:36 ET: NINE ELEVEN BABY

8:35 ET: By the way, barbers in Oklahoma City gave first responders free hair cuts. That's, like, un-Americans giving away something for free. Also, she's all talking about tragedy and if it weren't for the crazy echo, Republican delegates would be drowning her out.

8:33 ET: Other woman I don't know. Someone in the crowd does, though. Hey, remember when those white guys bombed that Oklahoma City building and everyone thought they were all Islamic and shit and then they weren't and everyone felt bad about stereotyping and being jingoistic? Good times.

8:29 ET: "Footloose" plays. Some small number of people dance in a tortured fashion. Don't they know that the only acceptable way to dance to this involves jumping around and step-ball-changes and general 80s awesomeness? I am tempted to show them but the press area is crowded and the Secret Service is all up in here for the first time. Who knew they read Jezebel?

8:29 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:28 ET: He believes in American exceptionalism, and that we have a God-given destiny. My snark about that is interrupted by my laughter when he says that "We need leaders that forego the earthly pleasures of now."

8:26 ET: "The other side says 'Yes We Can' and then votes 'No You Won't." John McCain says, "'Yes We Will.'" Well, it may be a stupid mockery of Obama's slogans like every other GOP slogan so far, it's fucking better than "drill, baby, drill." Hey, that's a rhyme!

8:24 ET: Americans live for something bigger than they are? HAHAHAHAHA!

8:23 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:23 ET: Sam "Snowflake Baby" Brownback is here. "You ready to rock, America?" It is hard to type while cringing that hard.

8:21 ET: This woman is determined that I will personally not ignore her, because she keeps repeating the word "Megan."

8:19 ET: Buh-bye, Bill. Going to ignore the military lady, since not even I know who she is.

8:18 ET: "We will make extreme poverty history." Think Bush already did that.

8:16 ET: He went to Rwanda. These are Republicans, hon, they don't care.

8:15 ET: No one else is paying attention to Brain-Dead Bill either.

8:13 ET: Reporter next to me says, "I can actually tell from watching him on that computer screen that he is brain dead." I vote for zombie.

8:12 ET: Bill Frist, "live" and in the flesh.

8:12 ET: Pawlenty, over and out.

8:10 ET: "Sam's Club voters"? I'm a Sam's Club member because I'm a cheap bitch not because I'm a Republican.

8:10 ET: He knows John McCain, just like Carly. Or maybe not just like Carly.

8:09 ET: Pawlenty went to Iraq? WTF does that have to do with governing Minnesota?

8:08 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:07 ET: "The best Sermons aren't preached, they're lived." Tell that to all the hypocritical sermonizers in D.C.

8:06 ET: Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is glad we're here.