• Police are investigating whether the people who robbed Lindsay Lohan are the same people who broke into Audrina Patridge's home in February. Male robbers in both cases looks similar and in both incidents the burglars walked in through unlocked doors.

• The LAPD has released photos and video of two women and a man breaking into Lindsay Lohan's house on Sunday morning. A source says Lindsay was shown a picture of the man and she said he looks familiar. [TMZ, TMZ]
• A 24-year-old Prince Michael Malachi Jet Jackson is claiming that he's Michael Jackson's love child and requesting a DNA test. He submitted a birth certificate along with a creditor's claim which says he is the child of "Michael Joseph Jackson" of Indiana and Zerline LaVette Dixon. [TMZ]
• A family associate says, ''There's a lot of finger pointing,'' among the Jackson family. ''Everyone from Jermaine to Joe to Katherine Jackson herself are blaming all kinds of people — including each other — for not stepping in earlier, when it was obvious Michael was being overmedicated even more than usual.'' Also, La Toya, Janet, and Randy Jackson are mad at Jermaine and Joe for making various endorsement deals and planning MJ tributes. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Here's another "Jennifer Aniston is a jealous monster" story: Supposedly she and Tina Fey are "catfighting" because they were nominated in the same category for appearing on 30 Rock. Tina doesn't really care, but a source says, "Jen was so excited to be nominated, she's been talking about it for months, but she's really disappointed to be going up against Tina. She realizes it's going to be near to impossible to win now. Jen doesn't deal with competition well, she likes to be the top dog. She's not happy that Tina is likely to out shine her on the night. Jen and Tina used to be really good friends, they used to talk at least every week, but now they hardly talk at all." [Radar Online]
• The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation says police sources have identified the woman who checked Ryan Jenkins into the hotel where he killed himself as his half-sister, Alena Jenkins. [CBS News]
• Ryan Jenkins attacked Jasmine Fiore for "destroying" his son. He said, "He went to Hollywood and something down there in the last 4 months, including this girl, just destroyed him... I'm not at all convinced that he did this crime yet. He was terrified and alone." [Extra TV]
• Gerard Butler is fighting with an elderly Queens couple because he says their greyhound bit his little pug Lolita on the neck while he was walking her. The couple claims the dogs just touched noses then Butler said, "'You know what? You know what? This dog should be put down!' And he smacked the dog in the head. The dog's head went into the fence. I was shaking. The dog yelped. I said, 'Keep your hands off my dog! Why did you hit my dog?' He didn't say a word." [N.Y. Post]
• Sources say the greyhound was actually on a leash, but Gerard Butler's dog wasn't. After the greyhound bit the pug, Butler put his dog on a leash and started walking away but when the owner of the greyhound started following him and when the dog tried to bite again Butler pushed the dog's snout away from his dog. A "source" said, "Bitches always seem to get Gerard in trouble." [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin is insisting he never said he wanted off Jon and Kate Plus 8. "A fan asked me, 'Don't you sometimes wish you could go back to a 9-to-5 job?'" said Jon, "[And my reply was,] 'Yeah, because this is 24/7 and 9-to-5ers punch in and punch out and you have no responsibilities.'" [People]
• Kate Gosselin will guest host in place of Elisabeth Hasselbeck on two episode of The View in September. [E!]
• Megan Fox will play Catwoman in the next Batman movie and The Sun has helpfully provided a Photoshopped picture of what she may look like in the costume. [The Sun]
• A studio rep says Megan Fox has not be cast as Catwoman. "It's rumor. It's not true," he said. "There is no script. There is no project to be cast in." [People]
• Mel Gibson's girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, is suing a man who sold pictures of a lingerie photo shoot she did in 2004 without her permission. [Daily Express]
• As part of his sentence for beating Rihanna, Chris Brown will attend domestic violence counseling at Commonwealth Catholic Charities, a Virginia nonprofit social services organization that that works with people from all faiths. The website of their Batterer's Intervention Program says, "Progress is made only if the abuser is self-accountable for all behaviors, and develops the flexibility to make behavioral changes." [USA Today]
• FOX has been promoting the new season of House with a guerilla "snakes on a cane" advertising campaign all summer. [Reuters]
• According to a police report Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler got into a fight yesterday when he went to her Rhode Island home to drop off their two kids and saw the car of convicted child molester outside. Travis told the police he didn't "want to leave the kids in the residence with a pedophile and wanted a certified nanny with the kids," but when the cops searched the home the man wasn't there. [TMZ]
• Shanna Moakler defended herself on her MySpace blog writing, "let me make something else very clear and the fact I AGAIN have to do this, is vile. I have a ZERO tolerance for pedophiles and if you touch a child in my eyes, you should be sterilized. you're rights taken away. I think it is not only ABSURD to suggest I would ever allow my child remotely near such a thing. this accusation is false and cruel and publicly damaging. not to mention I also have blogged and wrote my senators to help pass the child protection ACT." [Perez Hilton]
• Kirsten Dunst, 27, is a "puma in training." "Kirsten met a cute, young, 22 year-old guy at a bar in Oxford, Mississippi and they partied together and had a hot little hookup," says an eyewitness. "She invited him back to her hotel and even took him out for breakfast in the morning. She was having a good time, and she likes younger guys. But the two have no plans to see each other again." [FOX News]
• A year and a half after going to rehab, Kirsten Dunst was seen stumbling drunk at a bar in L.A. [Radar Online]
• Parker Posey has puled out of an upcoming production of This "due to developing a case of Lyme disease." [N.Y. Times]
• Redmond O'Neal, son of Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal has signed a deal "brokered" by his dad to star in a reality show about his struggle with addiction. It will start filming at the end of the year when he should be out of prison. A family insider says, "Redmond wants to do this to honor his mother. He really wants to get better to honor her memory." [Perez Hilton]
• Linda Hogan is suing Hulk Hogan for her Harley Davidson motorcycle and the $224,000 promised in a settlement. She wants him to pay her attorney and transportation fees and has requested that he be incarcerated if he doesn't comply. [Fox News]
• At the link is the mug shot of Patrick Stump, lead singer of Fall Out Boy, who was arrested on Tuesday because there was a traffic warrant out for his arrest because he had been driving without a license. [Perez Hilton]
• Eddie Cibrian and Brandi Glanville have filed divorce papers. He cites "irreconcilable differences" and wants shared custody of their two young sons. He also requested spousal support from his wife, but his lawyer says it's a clerical error. [People]
• In an interview this morning on Good Morning America Liam Neeson said he's "taking each day as it comes" after losing his wife Natasha Richardson. He added, "I'm still getting extraordinary condolence letters from American people and that's deeply touching." [E!]
• Rod Stewart's son Sean, who appeared on Celebrity Rehab was seen drinking at a party after several attempts at sobriety. A source says, "He is drinking again and has lost everyone's trust. He's been dropped by his publicist and manager." [Daily Express]
• Kerry Katona was accused of assaulting a man in Cheshire at 4 a.m. 24 hours after being issued a police caution for possessing cocaine. [The Sun]
• Jason Schwartzman says of Wes Anderson's animated film The Fantastic Mr. Fox, "I've seen the whole thing. One thing that's interesting is it's not like Wes changed his approach to making a movie to cater to the technique of stop-motion animation - he just made his version of a stop-motion animated movie. He brought the genre to him, instead of going to it." [MTV]
• Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Stiller, and Christina Applegate will appear in a new Sesame Street production called Shalom Sesame, a 12-part series geared at teaching Jewish-American children about Jewish culture. [USA Today]
• Kylie Minogue will perform at the Abba tribute concert Thank You For The Music in London on September 13. [The Mirror]
• Here's the first picture of Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig from their Broadway play A Steady Rain. [Entertainment Weekly]
• A lawyer for Survivor winner Richard Hatch says she'll go to court if he is not released from a Massachusetts jail. He had been serving out the rest of his time for tax evasion on home confinement, but was jailed last week after granting two TV interviews to NBC. [Associated Press]
• Jerry Hall is insisting that her autobiography has just been postponed, not scrapped as reports previously suggested. [Daily Express]
• Sir Paul McCartney says the worst thing that has happened to him as a result of the "Paul is dead" conspiracy theory is, "I could see people sort of looking at me more closely - 'were his ears always like that?'" [Telegraph]
• Blake Lively says if she could have anybody guest star on Gossip Girl it would be Kate Moss. "She actually was supposed to come on last year, but it ended up not working out. I love Kate Moss," she said. [N.Y. Magazine]
• When asked if he and wife Rebecca Romijn would be having any more children after their twin girls, Jerry O'Connell said, "Factory closed. It's over. Now we're just adopting dogs." [E!]
• Kristen Stewart said New Moon "is the one book in the series that I was intimidated by - in a good way. That's the best feeling to start a movie with. But probably, my favorite line in the book is when I have to say to [Jacob], "It's him; it's always been him!" Like, I have to say that. Yeah, it killed me, it killed me. Just like everything in our movie, it's such a heightened version of reality. It's like, people don't just break up [in the Twilight films] - they break up and it literally kills you... It's not like you just say, 'Oh, I'm really depressed and crying.' Everything is supposed to be a fantasy version of that. So I always had a really hard time figuring out, 'Am I doing enough? Do I look like I'm going to die?'" [ Us]
• "My wife and I really, really like each other as well as love each other," says Eric Bana, "We definitely laugh together every day. And I don't mean chuckle – I can make her really laugh... A girl's got to be fun. It's the one bit of advice I always give to friends of mine who are thinking of getting married." [People]
• Tori Amos says of Lady Gaga, "She's what I call a meteor - singers who entertain people for a while. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. But then there are people like Neil Young who show up at Glastonbury 40 years into their career. And that's a very different kind of artist. Neil Young doesn't have to get his bum out on stage! The question is, will Lady GaGa be playing alongside Neil Young at Glastonbury in 20 years time? She wants to entertain people. Right now, half the world is depressed and they need to be entertained. So her timing's perfect." [The Sun]
• When Renee Zellweger was asked if she has a hard time getting people to take her seriously because of her looks she said, "Not in such an overt way. I'm not an actress who made her way based on physicality — I think quite the opposite, in fact. I sort of disappear a little bit, with respect to my looks. I'm lucky. I'm not a standout, kind of knockout kind of girl that, you know, it's all about my great hair or something." [CNN]

• Though Scotland Yard is investigating Lindsay Lohan for stealing jewels from a photo shoot, a rep from British Elle says they have no reason to suspect Linds was the thief.

• A spokeswoman said, "I can confirm on behalf of Elle magazine that items of jewelry went missing from an Elle photo shoot two weeks ago and the matter is now being investigated by the police. Elle has no reason to believe that Lindsay Lohan was in any way responsible and has no further comment to make." [TMZ]
• A temporary restraining order was issued today against Miranda Tozier-Robbins, the woman who was caught trespassing on Britney Spears' property in April. Tozier-Robbins must stay 100 yards from Brit and her home. She will be arraigned next week on two misdemeanor charges. [E!, TMZ]
• When asked who he would most like to punch in the face, Michael Lohan said, "Perez Hilton." But the line is so long! [Perez Hilton]
• Amy Winehouse's parents says she's kicked her drug habit, but is still abusing alcohol. Her father Mitch said, "I need my daughter to be a whole person again. I've tried it all. I said: 'Amy you've got to do this, you've got to go to this doctor, you've got to do this, you've got to do that, you're killing me, you're killing your mum.' None of it worked." He added that her estranged husband Blake Fielder-Civil was fuelling her drug habit. "The option of them being together is too horrible to contemplate," he said. [The Sun]
• Linda Hogan's former hairdresser testified in a hearing regarding Hulk Hogan's motion to reduce the amount of alimony he pays Linda that "She was actually buying drugs with the money... She told me that." The woman said Linda asked her to cash check from Hulk for her to mislead his attorneys about how the money was being spent. [TampaBay.com]
• In response, Brooke Hogan told E! that she feels betrayed by her mother. "I look at the things she's released and said about me and I'm like, how could I ever trust her again?" she said, "I'm the only one with my head on straight." [E!]
• Barbara Walters is mad because an online ad for an anti-aging pill called Exilatrol is using her picture and says "As seen on Barbara Walters and 60 Minutes." She Tweeted: "If u see ads for products with Resveratrol showing my photo and name they are false." [TMZ]
• Beyonce will perform at the BET Awards on June 21. [Rolling Stone]
• Last night on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, Heidi Pratt wore the exact same dress Kristin Cavallari wore on the show a few days earlier. No one knows why, but producers on The Hills probably have an inkling. [Perez Hilton]
• Several sources say publisher William Morris Endeavor is considering a book proposal form Portia de Rossi. She's submitted a writing sample that deals with her battle with anorexia. [NY Observer]
• Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett says he'll be very involved in fiance Kendra Wilkinson's pregnancy. "It takes two people to get pregnant. You can't have just one person doing everything," said Baskett. "There's going to be some things I can't make, but I'm going to try my hardest to be at every appointment, at every meeting, everything." He added, "Hef will be a part of the baby's life. That's one of the first things we want to do is bring the baby out here to California and let Hef be introduced. I can see 'The Godfather' being a good name for Hef!" [People]
• Weird Al Yankovic has released a new single, "Craigslist," which he says is an homage to the Doors. [UPI]
• Adam Lambert says he has met a lot of celebrities recently, but Madonna made him the most starstruck. He "I met Madonna and that was pretty wild. Most everybody I've met is pretty cool and on the level, but Madonna is just legendary," he said. "I've been a fan of hers since I was a kid. So that's definitely part of the intimidation factor." [People]
• At their daughter's high school graduation, sources say Tatum O'Neal was seated in the section reserved for extended family, while her ex-husband John McEnroe and his new wife were near the stage. O'Neal's rep denies there was tension between the two, saying, "Tatum went to say hello to relatives and returned to her assigned seat, in the immediate-family section." [The Daily Express]
• Here's a clip from 500 Days of Summer starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. [New York Magazine]
• "Heidi Klum Gains Preggers Pounds, Still Looks Hot." Heidi says, "I'm bigger than I should be, but I always gain 40-45 pounds, so I still have a ways to go." [E!]
• Though many unpleasant details about her life came out during the run of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Danielle Staub says she has no regrets. "We're just allowing everyone to see what goes on all over the place," she said. "We're just letting everyone else see [our drama]. That's why people are relating to us so well - because it's what's happening with them. People are acting like that everywhere. We're making it okay." [People]
• Damn fine news: Kyle MacLachlan wants to play Agent Dale Cooper again. He says, "I have a crazy idea to bring back Twin Peaks on the net as five minute webisodes." But he explains David Lynch won't be involved, adding, "David's focus is more on transcendental meditation now." [The Daily Express]
• Whitney Houston's untitled comeback album will be released on September 1 and features a duet with Akon and a track written and produced by Alicia Keys. [Showbiz 411]
• Jordan says that she suffered from post-natal depression after her 4-year-old son was born. "After post-natal depression it has taken me four years to get to the healthy place I am now - I now no longer need anti-depressants," she says, "It does take time, but you will feel better again and I am absolutely fine." [The Sun]
• Billy Joel wants to buy his wife Katie Lee, who was a host on Top Chef, a restaurant in Sag Harbor, New York. [TMZ]
• Shocking news: 16-year old Selena Gomez says she's never been in love, despite having dated Nick Jonas and Taylor Lautner. [People]
• Ashanti will make her stage debut this week as Dorothy in a New York production of The Wiz. She says she picked the show because, "It's such a historical, historical piece. It means so much to my family. I actually played Dorothy in The Muppets' Wizard of Oz ironically. I can relate to her character so much, just being innocent and naïve starting out in this business and gradually learning as you move along." [The New York Times]
• Lapsed Scientologist/billionaire James Packer has offered Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes the use of his private suite in Melbourne's Crown Towers complex for the next month while Tom films in Australia. [News.com.au]
• Lucie Kim, the woman suing Miley Cyrus over the racist photo she took has amended the lawsuit to say that Justin Gaston should have stopped her because as an adult, Miley's parents gave him authority to "supervise, manage, guard, and oversee [Miley's] conduct while in [his] presence." [TMZ]
• Though there has been no mention of another Indiana Jones movie, Shia LaBeouf announced "Steven [Spielberg] just said that he cracked the story on it, and I think they're gearing that up." [Total Film]
• Last night comedian Artie Lange hijacked the taping of the first episode of HBO's Joe Buck Live, making obscene and homophobic jokes about Buck and Tony Romo, and saying Jessica Simpson is a "fat chick" who looks like Chris Farley. "Do I think it went too far? Yes," said Buck. "Will he be back? If it's up to me, no. But again it's live TV man." [USA Today]
• As part of the guerilla marketing for Hammertime the new A&E show about the life of MC Hammer, a group of people wearing gold harem pants bust into a L.A. clothing store and danced to "You Can't Touch This." You can watch the video at the link. [AdRants]
• FYI, Robert Pattinson is the "most handsome man in the world," according to a Vanity Fair poll and a legion of 14-year-old girls. [Vanity Fair]
• Kim Kardashian says Heidi Pratt called her to ask for advice about doing Playboy "Actually, I was in Mexico and I got a call from Heidi saying, 'Call me right now,'" Kardashian says. "So I called her and she had said to me, 'What do you think? What's your opinion on if I were to do Playboy?'" She told her to "go for it... I think that now's the time," says Kim. "I think it's a very classy magazine. It's artsy. I talked her through the whole process and helped her make up her mind." [ONTD]
• When asked if she dresses up for her husband Josh Duhamel, Fergie said, "Oh, girl, I've got a big chest of fun little numbers, ones that I would never wear in public... I like to have fun with my costume onstage; why wouldn't I in the bedroom?" [People]
• Jada Pinkett Smith revealed some sex tips, and the fact that she's a really party guest to Redbook. She says: "Be sneaky... your girlfriend's house at a party. The bathroom. A bedroom... Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex.... Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Pull over on the side of the road... Just switch it up. Anything like that can keep it going. Anything it takes to keep the flame alive." [The Sun]
• Lenny Kravitz has been celibate for the past four years. He explains that four years ago, "I was doing my normal thing and I was with somebody, and I remember waking up in the morning thinking, 'What am I doing?' It's not that I was all over the place. It's not, like, groupies or somebody you'd pick up on the street. I didn't carry on like that. It was somebody that I know. But it was still, 'What am I doing? And why?' And that morning I was just talking to God, as I do, and I said, 'You got to help me to stop this. I just really want to stop this.' And that was the day that it changed." [The Telegraph]
• Denis Leary on Susan Boyle: "I think she's a hobbit. The no expectations aspect was fantastic. I kind of wanted her to be the person who not only could sing, but was gonna tell everyone to fuck off and would become the new sex symbol. I hope she comes back fucking crazy like Judy Garland on acid. I'd like to feed her a lot of booze and pills and just let her sing beautiful songs and threaten people from the stage." [TV Squad]

• Spencer Pratt says that when he did the Today show, he thought that Al Roker was a "fan" "off the street." And! Heidi Montag's command for Al Roker?

"Please do not be rude to women in the future. Please do not be rude to me. Please watch your tone, especially if you have a mother or a wife or a daughter. I don't think that they would appreciate you talking to them like that." Ugh. Seriously? Anyway, Al Roker, Heidi forgives you. [Us Magazine]

• Al Roker's Twitter reads: "Heidi and Spencer are an interesting couple. famous for...being infamous. Bad and vacuous behavior. I think we're at minute 11 of their 15." And! "Amazed at the fact that Ann Curry had an terrific interview w/ Benjamin Netanyahu but what gets picked up is my goofy interview w/ Speidi." Good point. [Gatecrasher]
• Madonna calls her new adopted daughter on the phone every night. [The Sun]
• Remember that voicemail Alec Baldwin left for his daughter? The one in which he called her a "rude little pig" who needed to have her "ass straightened out"? After the message leaked, Baldwin considered killing himself, he tells Playboy: "I spoke to a lot of professionals, who helped me… If I committed suicide, [Kim Basinger's side] would have considered that a victory. Destroying me was their avowed goal." [People]
• A source says that when Lindsay Lohan was at a photo shoot in London, she "kept going on about the jewels, asking if she could have them." Later? They went missing. [MSNBC]
• Look! Lindsay Lohan with a pregnant belly. It's for that flick, Labor Pains, which will air on ABC Family July 19. [EW]
• Lindsay Lohan: Spotted at a club "not acting normal." [Page Six]
• Words you never really thought you would read: Katie Holmes is taping her guest appearance for So You Think You Can Dance today. [Us Magazine]
• Teyona Taylor, who was with Chris Brown at the Lakers/Magic game on Sunday, says Chris Brown did not use her for a PR stunt. As for looking like Rihanna, she says: "I've always dressed like that. I've always had style ... I've had that Mohawk now for months." [TMZ]
• Chris Brown being out and about — instead of keeping a low profile — is part of his "strategy." [TMZ]
• David Letterman apologized again for the joke that involved Sarah Palin and her daughters. [NY Times, TV Week]
• Oh, look: A Fire David Letterman campaign. And a protest. [NY Daily News]
• Jeff Foxworthy on David Letterman: "I don't think any kind of joke about someone having sex with a teenage girl is funny." [CNN]
• BREAKING: Sarah Palin has accepted David Letterman's apology. [AP]
• If you're still interested in Carrie Prejean, here's a story about how she's "considering legal action" against the Miss California USA pageant and how her book deal may have been one of the reasons she was fired. [Radar Online]
• This report claims that the pageant threatened to sue Carrie Prejean, for her "churlish insolent misbehavior." [TMZ]
• David and Victoria Beckham have received a High Court apology from their former nanny, who gave an interview to the News Of The World after she resigned and spilled all kind of private information. [BBC News]
• Bad news for Patrick Swayze: A&E's series The Beast has been canceled. [NY Times]
• Why hasn't Mischa Barton been at any of the promotional events for her new model show, The Beautiful Life? Weird, right? [Pop Wrap]
• Peaches Geldof is being linked to an L.A. stylist named Sandra S. This paper takes it as a sign "she may be off men for good." [The Sun]
• Adrien Grenier and Twilight's Ashley Greene: It's on. [Page Six]
• Gerard Butler and designer Rachel Roy? Getting cozy? [Page Six]
• Steven Spielberg and Noah Wyle are working on an alien-invasion TV series for TNT that sounds kinda like V. [EW]
• Natalie Portman is in talks to star in a supernatural thriller set in the world of New York City ballet (?!?!) directed by Darren Aronofsky, of The Wrestler and Requiem For A Dream. Intriguing! [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Leonardo DiCaprio will star in a flick about Costa Rica-based online casinos, written by the guys who did Ocean's Thirteen and Rounders. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Wow. A documentary chronicling Tilda Swinton as she bikes along what used to be the Berlin Wall. Sign us up! [Reuters]
• What the world needs now: R. Kelly will make his first trip to Africa and perform at the Arise Africa Fashion Awards gala in Johannesburg, South Africa. [WWD]
• "Artie Lange won't be appearing on Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show anytime soon: Producers think Howard Stern's sidekick isn't sober enough to perform." [Gatecrasher]
• Ignore any rumors you may have heard about Stephen Baldwin's house being in foreclosure, says Stephen Baldwin's rep. [People]
• As previously mentioned, Scott Weiland's wife is writing a book about their marriage's ups and downs; Scott Weiland says: "My love for her will never end. We just forgot how to be friends. She has now chosen a public career and one that brings both accolades and public scrutiny. There will be more of this sort of thing to deal with as time goes by... both good and bad. Divorce is hell..." [ONTD via All Headline News]
• Hulk Hogan's accusing estranged wife Linda of spending her $40k a month alimony on drugs. Stay classy you guys. [TMZ]
• Michael Strahan and Nicole (ex wife of Eddie) Murphy: Engaged. [People]
• Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey, chim chim cher-ee! Dick Van Dyke is writing a memoir. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Blind item! "Which male music diva kicked a billionaire out of his house - just because he put his dirty feet on a pristine white couch?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Even the people that were shovelling bodies into gas chambers would say 'we're just obeying orders'... you've got to accept responsibility for what you're doing. If your actions as an individual are directly having a negative effect on someone else's life then you can't say 'I'm just doing my job.'" — Pete Doherty on the paparazzi (yes, he's comparing them to Nazi concentration camp guards.) [Mirror]
• "There is a period once you finish a guy — a character — when you're looking to go back to yourself and sometimes it can manifest itself in illness. After I made The Libertine, I was in bed for two weeks. When you're working, you don't get sick, then suddenly it hits you like a two-by-four." — Johnny Depp. [MSNBC via Contact Music]
• "After I was cast and I realized my body would be exposed all the time, I went out and bought some shorts - I owned none - to help me get used to it. You stop thinking, Do I look weird at this angle? I've learned to feel comfortable wearing very little. It's liberating! …I love being barefoot. I'm not going to lie - I love my high heels, too, so I'm completely bipolar in that regard." — Anna Paquin, on exposing herself in True Blood. [Gatecrasher via Self Magazine]
• "When I read the script, I said to myself, ‘OK, well, you're turning 50 this year and you're really heading into the eye of the storm with this one. Then I was working too hard to really think about what was happening. [My birthday] kind of came and went and it wasn't a big deal. Honestly, it was a huge relief when it was over because you realize nothing changes." — Michelle Pfeiffer, on playing a french prostitute in Cheri. [WWD]
• "I had booby stickers on. If I'd been actually topless, I would have sued someone… I know who, and I never did anything about it. It's her karma to deal with, not mine." — Megan Fox, on leaked nude pix. [NY Daily News]

• American Idol runner-up Adam Glambert has been vague about his sexuality, but a source says:

He'll come out, officially, on the cover of the next Rolling Stone. [Page Six]

• For the love of Zeus: Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer might be back on. Here is an actual quote from a "source" o the set of The Baster: "[John] wasn't calling her or texting her. But, as she got lonelier and the shoot for her new movie wore on, she started reaching out to him, sometimes very late at night and sometimes after a few too many glasses of wine." Boozy old lonely sad tragic drunk dialing! [MSNBC]
• Jen Aniston's movie is filming near her ex-roommate's restaurant; the roomie is the one who wrote a memoir and depicted Aniston as "weight-obsessed." Unscripted dramz. [Page Six]
• Pierce Brosnan saved Uma Thurman from an out-of-control van on the set of Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief! He saw the runaway vehicle "hurtling down a hill" towards Uma and jumped into the drivers' seat and slammed on the brakes. [Daily Express]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Nicole Kidman dyed her hair red and has a "poochy stomach," so clearly she must be pregnant. [Page Six]
• Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez have been dating for about a week but she is "already following A-Rod around." [Page Six]
• Order in the court! Al Roker got in big trouble yesterday for snapping pictures while on jury duty. [NY Daily News]
• Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman together on Broadway? Can your ovaries stand it? [NY Daily News]
• The ex-wife of Jon Cryer (aka Duckie Dale) has been arrested for felony child neglect. [TMZ]
• Is Demi Moore going to the UK without Ashton Kutcher? Well that would mean a woman acting independently of her husband! Sound the alarm! [Mirror]
• "Carla Bruni: I feel pain when people criticise my husband... and mock my low-heeled shoes." [Daily Mail]
• Will Susan Boyle bail out of Britain's Got Talent? At this point, she could get a record deal without actually finishing the program. "The producers of the show are going to do everything in their power to make sure she is there on May 30," said a source close to the show. "Whatever Susan wants between now and then, she'll have." [MSNBC Scoop]
• This report says that network bosses will not get rid of Susan Boyle, despite the fears that she's not coping well with her new-found fame. [Mirror]
• Before he joined the cast of SNL, Andy Samberg worked as a writer for the MTV Movie Awards. So the fact that he's hosting Sunday's show means he's coming full circle, in a way. He says: "It's going to be action packed. There's going to be some surprises - nothing I can divulge, but it will involve celebrities. It's going to be great. There's going to be some pre-taped stuff, some digital shorts-style stuff, and a lot of fun collaborations." [AP]
• The rules for I'm A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here state that there is to be "no bullying, nonconsensual touching, racist or homophobic language, romantic advances (at least ones 'which are not desired or returned'), assault or sex in camp." Can Heidi and Spencer abide? [Gatecrasher]
• Four words: Bridget Jones The Musical. [NY Post]
• Is Disney being cheap with Miley Cyrus? She's getting "only" $5,000 for a week of work to guest star on The Suite Life On Deck. [TMZ]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin spent Memorial Day apart: She took the kids on a boat ride in North Carolina; he was seen in an upstate New York bar with two women. [People]
• Here's video of the Gossip Girl cast talking about various things; Blake Lively has been traveled through Asia on her break from the show and is halfway to getting certified for her scuba license. Penn Badgley went with her and grew a beard, saying, "I looked like a homeless person." [E!]
• The Jonas Brothers do not fight, says Nick Jonas. "We get along very well. I think it's just because we have a different kind of respect for one another, being in the band together. We consider each other as equals. There's no picking on the youngest, it's just not that way." Boo. Zzzzz. [Mirror]
• "Her sunglasses gleam. Her skin is scrubbed, her body pneumatic, her vast white teeth dazzling in the sunshine. Meeting Kruger is, in fact, an almost entirely predictable experience. She is pleasant and pretty and punctual […] She looks extraordinary on screen, but disarmingly normal face-to-face. She is not alienatingly gorgeous […] bland, malleable beauty […]" — from a profile on Diane Kruger. [Guardian]
• Lily Allen will have a cameo appearance in the Aussie soap Neighbors. [Independent]
• Cate Blanchett's Sydney Theatre Company is thankful to Tom Stoppard, whose play Rock and Roll sold the largest number of tickets over the last 12 months. [Telegraph]
• So Mayim Bialik is the first celeb on What Not To Wear, but Stacy London and Clinton Kelly had some restrictions: the woman formerly known as Blossom doesn't wear pants or leather. [People]
• Sherri Shepherd will be taking WWE superstar wrestler Montel Vontavious Porter (MVP) to the prom. No, really. [Page Six]
• Dr. Dre appears in a Dr. Pepper ad, and so do eight seconds of his new, long-awaited album, Detox. [LA Times, Reuters]
• Comedian Zach Galifianakis gets a lot of big-screen time in The Hangover, which could make him into a movie star. [WSJ]
• NBC CEO Jeff Zucker says Seinfeld would not make it on TV today, since shows have less time to mature. [CBS News]
• An Australian woman was sentenced to more than two years in prison today for stalking American Idol's Diana DeGarmo over the Internet. [AP]
• Amy Adams will star in Leap, about a very detail-oriented woman who plans to propose to her boyfriend on Leap Day — "and things sort of go off course with the help of a very handsome, roguish Irishman." Matthew Goode is her co-star. [USA Today]
• Break out the jazz flute: Will Ferrell's in talks to do an Anchorman sequel. [NY Daily News]
• Emily Mortimer has purchased a house in Amagansett, Long Island. [Daily Express]
• Chris Martin has lost his voice and Coldplay had to cancel a show in Saratoga Springs, NY. [The Sun]
• Steve Martin's banjo music CD means the actor is on the U.S. pop album chart for the first time since 1981. [Reuters]
• Lucy Gordon, the Spider-Man 3 actress who was found dead in her paris apartment last week, apparently hanged herself, two days before her 29th birthday. She had just finished filming her role as British model-actress Jane Birkin in the biopic of Serge Gainsbourg when she died. [People]
• Phil Spector will be sentenced today. [UPI]
• The Rockabye Baby! CD has hits by Nirvana, Queen, AC/DC, Bob Marley and Pink Floyd — done in lullaby version. With the lights out, it's less dangerous? [The Sun]
• Blind item: "Which former newscaster was so drunk at a recent fete that she could barely remember her own name, never mind what day it was?" [Gatecrasher]
• "There are people who take the quest for youth too far. Madonna – she's from the show-off brigade. She makes my skin crawl. I call her desperate. I know she's got a wonderful willpower and beauty regime but talk about the ‘me' generation wrapped up in one! I think as you get older, you get the face you deserve. I'm hoping that good habits will get me through." — former Dynasty actress Stephanie Beacham. [Daily Express]
• "I tried really hard not to be who I am. I tried super hard. It was a difficult journey for me to come to terms and be whole and happy with who I am." — Kelly McGillis, who says coming out as a lesbian has not been easy, either. [People]
• "It is sad that Linda Hogan continues to attempt to throw her family under the bus to gain publicity. In terms of the ongoing divorce suit, Hulk Hogan and his legal team would gladly take Linda up on her offer to submit to a legally supervised drug test and certainly Terry would do the same. We believe the results would speak for themselves and reveal that Linda's idea of a good time would definitely not be appropriate for Mass or a family restaurant." — An attorney for Hulk Hogan. [Perez]
• "The Tonight Show means everything to me. I'll have good moments and bad, but I'll keep coming at it. At 4 a.m., I do wake up sometimes and go, 'Oh my God, it's The Tonight Show. But nothing funny comes out of reverence. I'll take care of this franchise. The key is to put aside the fear and say, 'Let's just make some people laugh.'" — Conan O'Brien, who plans to host the show "Until I'm 160, because there will be medical advancements. Fallon will take over for me when I retire at 108 to travel with my family. But it won't be Jimmy, it'll be his brain in a jar." [USA Today]
• "As I look around my friends' Tweets I see banality on all sides. I think if people were able to take these 140 characters (allowed in each post) and develop a poetic Western form - a haiku of our own in which all human existence could be compressed into those 140 characters - that would be a satisfying thing, but that's not what I see when I read them." — Hugh Laurie on Twitter. [MSNBC]
• "Tattoos are sexy. I love my name on a woman; it lets me know I'm serious" — Tyrese Gibson to InStyle. [Page Six]
• "I really want to work with Madonna. It doesn't seem a likely pairing, maybe, but I just think that she is so creative and has such vision." — Adam "Glambert" Lambert. [Mirror]

• As you'll recall, Shia LaBeouf injured his hand in a car crash in July 2008. He says: "I'll never be back to 100 percent or have full recovery." And:

"I can't zipper my zipper or button my shirt without extreme pain. But I chalk it up as my own s—-. These things had to happen. This accident is what I needed in my life. I'm not in control. For the first time, I can admit that and know that. I'm a fallible individual, and the hand is like a tattoo that says MISTAKE. It's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life." [People via Playboy]

• "When I first started the role of Wolverine, back for the first X-Men movie, I watched a lot of Mike Tyson videos in my trailer," says Hugh Jackman."The way he just goes straight in. I kept saying to the writers, 'Don't give me long, choreographed fights for the sake of it. Don't make the fights pretty.' Like Tyson, if Wolverine wants to take your . . . head off, he's going to do it." [LA Times]
• Even though Tyra Banks' stalker was found guilty, he won't go to jail: He'll "get help" for his "unhealthy obsession." [NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Madonna is not leaving her kids with Guy Ritchie while she tours this summer in Europe. She Twittered: "They go where I go." [Perez, The Star]
• Michael Jackson is afraid to fly to the UK because he's terrified of SWINE FLU. [Telegraph]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: When Chris Brown calls her producer looking for her, Rihanna says, "Tell him I'm not here." [OK!]
• Lindsay Lohan is being painted as "desperate" and "crafty": She has arranged to be in London next month at the same time as Samantha Ronson. LL will be doing a shoot for British Vogue; Sam is headed to do a series of DJ gigs. [Daily Mail]
• This report claims that Lindsay Lohan is such a train wreck, Harry Morton, who dated her 3 years ago about bought her an engagement ring, now sorta denies it: "I didn't really date her . . . I really didn't," the Hard Rock Café heir says. "It's embarrassing being known for that. I'd like to be known for stuff I've created or things I've done. I don't want to be known for that. No way." [Page Six]
• Andy Samberg once found $5,000 extra in his bank account. He assumed it was an error. After four months, nothing happened, so he kept it. [Gatecrasher]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, is adding to her posse of little mouths to feed: She's getting a shih tzu. [MSNBC]
• Sandra Bullock is being inducted into the Warren Easton High School hall of fame later this month. She's donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Louisiana school since Katrina ravaged the area in 2005. A spokesman from the school says: "Sandra did not attend Warren Easton High School, but we proudly claim her as one of our own." [Daily Express]
• Sad face: Singer Kelis, who is 7 months pregnant, has filed for divorce from her husband, the rapper Nas. [TMZ, People, NY Daily News]
• Q.You play the villain Nero in Star Trek. How would he fare against another bad guy you've played, Chopper? In a steel cage match, who wins? Eric Bana: Ohhh, goodness. Well...I'll say Chopper. [Laughs] But who knows? [EW]
• Hayden Panettiere has auditioned to be Chace Crawford's leading lady in the Footloose remake. They're both so large eyed and pretty, it's gonna be tough to focus on the singing and dancing. Oh, yeah, the movie is a full-blown musical. [E!]
• It's hard to even read this story without bursting into laughter at the picture of Robert Pattinson in his Dali moustache. And then the headline has the words "gay sex scenes." LOL. [LA Times]
• Kanye West's new book, Thank You And You're Welcome, is out now. Here is a snippet: "Love your haters. They're your biggest fans!" And: "Never complain without offering a solution! I'm often seen as complaining in situations when I lose. I see it more as an explanation of why I should have won." [Men.Style.com]
• Ousted ANTM contestant Fo (my fave!) is pissed that she was sent home: "Honestly, I don't want to sound too bitchy or catty, but I do think Celia [Ammerman] should've gone home before me, or instead of me, because I can put on a pair of six-inch heels and be tall, [but she] can't change. Age isn't something you can drastically change." [E!]
• Roman Polanski has not taken any steps to surrender next week: He's due in US court if he wants his case examined, but if he sets foot on US soil, he faces immediate arrest as a fugitive. He has not contacted the court or the LA County Sheriff's Dept. [LA Times]
• "Rebecca Romijn Lost 60 Lbs. after Twins – Without Exercise!" [People]
• Jada Pinkett returns to TV for the first time since the '90s with a TNT show HawthoRNe, in which she plays a hospital nursing director. [USA Today]
• Real Housewives gossip: Jill Zarin was "acting like a total nightmare" in a high-end boutique. [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate Olsen's boyfriend, Nate Lowman, has created a piece of art which mocks Lizze Grubman's SUV accident, an its in the MOMA. Grubman says: "I don't understand how a picture of me during a tragic time in my life can be considered art." [Page Six]
• Jim Carrey is in talks to star in The Beaver, a flick which "enters on the relationship between a man and a beaver puppet he wears on his arm, which he talks to and treats as a companion." [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Here's video of Johnny Knoxville discussing the documentary he produced, The Wild And Wonderful Whites Of West Virginia. The Whites are a family known for wreaking havoc. [NY Times]
• A newspaper in NJ is mad that Jay Leno made fun of their headlines: Page on claimed "School taxes going up" and page two's headline was "School Taxes Going Down." A spokesperson for the paper said: "Apparently Jay and the NBC folks didn't bother to read the actual stories, and instead got a great laugh out of what they thought was some kind of hilarious blunder on our part. Two different school districts. Two different tax situations. Is it really that complicated?" [Poynter]
• Miranda Kerr is not engaged to Orlando Bloom or publicly trying to get pregnant, but she was pestered by a reporter into saying that she eventually wants kids. Then she was asked about Heidi Klum's pregnancy. [E!]
• "It looks like Linda Hogan isn't the only thing her 19-year-old boyfriend is allowed to ride — a judge just blocked the Hulkster's attempt to keep the youngster from driving his cars too." You stay classy, TMZ. [TMZ]
• Farrah Fawcett's son Redmond O'Neal will enter rehab instead of going to jail. [People]
• Leonard Nimoy will receive a "special gong" at this year's Saturn Awards, given out by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films. [Mirror]
• Trivia! Elliott Gould is the only non-Muppet actor to be in two separate Muppet movies. [BlackBook]
• Blind item! "Which closeted TV icon should be more careful about whom he dates? He has been squiring an infamous gay bartender around town, and everyone's noticing." [Gatecrasher]
• "Everybody has a little mischief in them - I do. I like to live on the edge a little bit, and other times I think I'm boring and passive like everybody else. I've been working 15 months straight, so these days I feel like all I can do is have a day at work and then go to bed." — Ryan Reynolds. [Mirror]
• "I've been very fortunate to get to know both Schreiber brothers very well." — Carla Gugino, who has done nude scenes with both Pablo and Liev Schreiber. [NY Mag]
• "If you ever catch your present girlfriend at a sex shop with her two ex-boyfriends and they're examining dildos, she's not the right one for you." — Breckin Meyer. [GQ]
• "All these random little stories become someway, somehow newsworthy, so you have to be very secretive about everything." — Robert Pattinson. [E!]
• "I think that my song selections are a little more hip. I know they're more uptempo. They're funky, they're sassy, they've got attitude." — Reba McEntire, who says last year's tour with Kelly Clarkson changed her perspective. [USA Today]
• "I loved rock'n'roll but there's got to be something behind the rock'n'roll. There had to be. We found, of course, that it was the blues. And, therefore, if you really want to learn the basics, then you've got to do some homework. We all felt there was a certain gap in our education, so we all scrambled back to the 20s and 30s to figure out how Charlie Patton did this, or Robert Johnson, who, after all, was and still probably is the supremo. Blues didn't just mean doing one thing or another — there was a lot of room to manoeuvre around the blues." — Keith Richards. [Guardian]
• "It's been two years since I washed my hair." — Prince Harry. [The Sun]
• From Heidi Montag's Twitter: "im so sad to leave mexico! im ready to get out of the pig flue country though… We landed!! Now I am just praying for health!" Also, she thanks God for her "soul mate," Spencer. [People, HeidiMontag's Twitter]
• "When I was four, my dad was performing with Aretha Franklin and, even though he made sure I was backstage with the nanny, I wanted to get up there and dance so much that I ran on to the stage. I was passed around all these great artists and Aretha held on to me so tight. All I wanted to do was entertain." — Miley Cyrus. [Daily Mail]
• "It's interesting, the older I get the younger they get. When I was younger they were all 50 and 60. I'm going to stop there though. I'm heading into dangerous territory if I get any younger." — Michelle Pfeiffer, on her costars. [Daily Express]
• "I'm trying to get [two-year-old son] Kingston to listen to the No Doubt records. He didn't know the No Doubt records, so now I'm forcing him to listen to them, and I think he's going to get into it if I can get him to stop listening to Miley Cyrus. He's listening to the Disney Channel a lot. But I think [nine-month-old son] Zuma is more of a No Doubt fan than King is." — Gwen Stefani. [Mirror via MTV]

• Faux-reality stars Heidi and Spencer are getting married, legally this time, in Pasadena on April 25. Speaking of making it legal, they reportedly have a prescription for pot.

• They went to the Beverly Hills Court House on Wednesday, but denied they got a marriage license. Apparently they think they're important enough for this whole "secret wedding" B.S. [TMZ]
• Best part about the wedding? The favor for guests is Heidi's new single. [TMZ]
• On April 2, they were seen entering The Farmacy, a medical marijuana facility, in L.A. Their rep says they were there for a "web-based reality show." It wasn't me, I swear. [Star]
• Lindsay Lohan will appear on the Ellen DeGeneres Show on April 23, her first interview since breaking up with Samantha Ronson. We'll see what happens, since Ellen knows a thing or two about formerly-straight girlfriends who go off the deep end on drug-induced benders. (Please read Call Me Crazy by Anne Heche, aka Celestia.) [Star]
• Kylie Minogue's model boyfriend, Andres Velencoso, got her name tattooed "just below his hip." We hope they stay together for a long time, because dating another woman after this will be so awkward. She won't be able to get "Can't Get You Out of My Head" out of her head when she's giving him head. [The Sun]
• For some reason, Elle MacPherson snubbed Kylie's sister Dannii at some awards show in Sydney. Dannii, like the rest of us, probably didn't care. [News.com.au]
• A woman, 26-year-old Miranda Tozier-Robbins, dressed in fatigues was arrested outside of Britney Spears' home yesterday, for peeping into her windows, and refusing to leave the property. [TMZ]
• Kate Moss is having a terrible, no good, very bad week. She got a toe infection from a botched manicure, and now she's on antibiotics, which means she can't drink. "She's really annoyed as she was looking forward to wearing open-toe sandals now that the weather is heating up," says a source. [The Sun]
• Britain's Got Talent over-night sensation Susan Boyle has been invited to appear on Oprah. If Simon Cowell didn't like the way she looks on the outside, wait till Oprah starts asking her about what letter-shape her poop resembles. [The Sun]
• In other bodily waste news, Will Ferrell drank his own urine. [NY Post]
• Tori Spelling admits she struggles with body issues, but none of them involve anorexia. [People]
• Jennifer Jason Leigh will appear on at least two episodes of the new season of Showtime's Weeds, which starts June 8, playing Mary Louise Parker's sister. [Yahoo]
• "Hulk's serial cheating destroyed our marriage, our family and our future," Linda Hogan said after her ex-husband kinda, sorta threatened to murder her, telling Rolling Stone he understands now how O.J. Simpson felt. Hogan officially does not know best. [NY Post]
• M.C. Hammer has landed his very own reality show, premiering this summer on A&E, titled Hammertime, natch. It's all about how he's 2 legit 2 quit the entertainment business. [USA Today]
• Tyra Banks might have to face her stalker in court. Get ready for a "sneering with your eyes" teach on Top Model. [Yahoo]
• If you're at all interested in hearing Whoopi Goldberg talk about her sex life, click here. [Daily Mail]
• Nicole Kidman and husband Keith Urban bought four baby Alpacas. Must. See. Pictures. [News.com.au]
• Sacha Baron Cohen's new movie Bruno, released on July 10, will be rated R, and not NC-17, as feared. [THR]
• Elton John will perform this weekend at tennis star Andy Roddick's wedding to Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker. Who else is hoping he'll wear custom-made, glittery tennis ball glasses? [People]
• Stephen Dorff and Elle Fanning (Dakota's little sister) have been cast in Sophia Coppola's new movie Somewhere, which centers around Hollywood's Chateau Marmont. Dorff is supposed to be giving a Mickey Rourke-like performance. [ONTD]
• Chris Brown/Rihanna: And it's over now. Maybe. [MSNBC]

• Both Mel Gibson and Russian classical pianist Oksana Kolesnikova deny that they're having an affair. She insists she's "happily married" and four months pregnant with her husband's child. As for the other Oksana ... [TMZ]

• Oksana Pochepa, a 24-year-old pop singer, confirms that she is having an affair with Mel Gibson, saying, "This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting." As for Kolesnikova, she says: "I have no idea how this mistake has been made. I feel very upset ... The only explanation is that the names Oksana have been confused. It is a very popular name in Russia." [The Sun]
• A source says it was clear Mel Gibson and wife Robyn Gibson were headed for a split. "The tension between Mel and Robyn was obvious," says the source. "Even during family dinners, they wouldn't speak sometimes. Robyn would pretend that everything was perfect. No one would ever dare to ask her how she and Mel were doing." [People]
• As news of his divorce went public, Mel Gibson was on the beach in Costa Rica, frolicking with an anonymous blonde woman. Was it Oksana, or yet another mystery woman? [Perez Hilton]
• Hulk Hogan says of his wife Linda Hogan leaving him and dating one of her teenage son's friends, "I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like O.J., cutting everybody's throat ... You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife … I totally understand O.J. I get it." [E!]
• Linda Hogan says she's taking his homicidal comments seriously. "Hulk's serial cheating destroyed our marriage, our family and our future. Sadly, his recent comments remind us that his definition of fair is much different than what the law dictates," she says. [SwiftPageEmail]
• Rihanna will return to the stage on May 28 in a performance in the United Arab Emirates. [Perez Hilton]
• Nadya Suleman has filed an application to trademark the word "Octomom," which she wants to put on disposable and cloth diapers and kids clothing. [The Smoking Gun]
• The New York Daily News is still insisting that A-Rod is dating Real Housewives star Bethenny Frankel, even though she's denied the claim. [Fox News]
• Brad Garrett got into a fight with the paparazzi yesterday and as you can see in the video at the link, he taunted: "Wear the turban! Wear the turban!" [TMZ]
• Ashton Kutcher has challenged CNN to a Twitter popularity contest. Does the winner get to be Homecoming Queen? [CNN]
• Here's the new blood-spattered trailer for Brad Pitt's Inglorious Basterds. [People]
• Anna Faris is engaged to Bride Wars groom Chris Pratt. Her first marriage to actor Ben Indra ended last February after four years. [E!]
• Will Ferrell will guest star on the Discovery Channel show Man Vs. Wild. Ferrell calls it, "a thrill of a lifetime, even though I did get urine-drunk, which is sad." [Variety]
• Oxygen Media is expanding its ostensibly popular Tori Spelling reality show series. They've ordered another season of Tori & Dean, approved a pilot for the couple's makeover show, and is developing a made-for-TV movie starring the duo. [UPI]
• Real World: Brooklyn cast member Ryan Conklin shipped out to Iraq on Sunday. "I want to get this thing started, because the sooner I do it, the sooner it'll be over," he said Wednesday. "I'm kind of just getting antsy with time." [AP]
• There's good news and bad news for Beyonce and Jay-Z. Their combined income for 2008 was $162 Million, but they'll be submitting a hefty check to the IRS today. Their income may be even higher this year, as Jay-Z has signed a deal with Parlux fragrances to market and distribute fragrances and many suspect a Beyonce perfume is in the works. [Fashion Rules]
• Drew Barrymore says she loves Justin Long ... as a friend. At the Grey Gardens premiere she said: "Justin's here. He's my friend, he's supporting. I'm so glad he's here. He's like one of my best friends and I love him and I also think he's the funniest dude on the planet." [E!]
• Minday Kaling, who writes for The Office and plays Kelly Kapoor says, "You'll see more of Ryan and Kelly for the rest of the year. ... B.J. [Novak] and I have a lot of fun doing those scenes since we're both writers and we're best friends." [The Star Tribune]
• Check out the new "got milk?" ad, featuring Hugh Jackman as Wolverine here: [Perez Hilton]
• Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi has started a foundation to raise awareness about endometriosis. She had an operation to treat the disease and says, "It has to do with the most private aspect of a woman's life, and when I had to have surgery, I had to miss work and explain why. I just found that in talking to people, not many people knew what it was. I just thought I had a responsibility to let other young women know so they wouldn't have to go through what I went though." [People]
• Eric Bana would like you to know that he was a badass in high school. "I went through a little phase," he says, explaining that he used to show up drunk to school. Eventually his grades dropped and he had to repeat a year, but he says, "It wasn't like I was busting to get into NASA or anything." [People]
• Scott Storch, a former music producer who worked with Dr. Dre and 50 Cent, has been charged with grand theft auto. He allegedly leased a Bentley but never returned it after the expiration date. [TMZ]
• For the second time in a row a Michelle Pfeiffer's film has gone straight to DVD, which Entertainment Weekly suggests this means she's all washed up. The film also stars Kathy Bates and Ashton Kutcher, and her previous film starred Paul Rudd, so are their careers in trouble too? [Entertainment Weekly]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck was almost taken down by a bicycle messenger on the streets of Manhatten yesterday. She Tweeted: "The belly is OK." [Yahoo]
• Whoopi Goldberg will probably make more as a producer of Sister Act, The Musical than she did in front of the camera in the 1992 movie. "This time I have a financial interest in the show. I hope it'll go right round the world and then on to Broadway. And yes, I still need the money. I have grandchildren!" she says. [The Daily Express]
• Ben Affleck, a lifelong Boston Globe reader says he was shocked to learn that the New York Times Company is threatening to shut the paper down. "I fundamentally misunderstood what was going on. Boston.com has 5.6 million readers a month, and yet this hugely successful news gathering operation is going out of business," he said. [Boston]
• Hugh Hefner has some unsolicited advice for his former Girls Next Door who have all moved on with their lives. Here are his thoughts on Kendra Wilkinson, who is engaged: "I've been very lucky in romance, but not expert in marriage (two divorces). "They are two separate things. What happens traditionally in a marriage is, of course, a marriage turns into parenthood and the affection is kind of transferred to the children. She picked very well, I think he adores her, I think she really loves him. What they have to get over is they come from very different backgrounds. If love conquers all, it'll conquer them." [People]

[Park City, Utah. January 16. Image via INF.]

• Madonna is divorced. A judge ruled on "Ciccone, M.L. v. Ritchie, G.S." today and the case was a "quickie," an uncontested divorce. Neither Madonna nor Guy Ritchie attended the hearing, which lasted barely a minute. Her Madgesty is single again! Think she'll get hitched to A-Rod? [Yahoo News]
• Oh snap! Madonna just had drinks with her first ex-husband, Sean Penn. [Page Six]
• A source says don't believe what you read about Guy being a gentleman and not taking a penny from Madge. He's getting a "huge pay day." [Perez Hilton]
• Friends of Madonna's are not surprised that the divorce went through so quickly. "It’s not fair to Guy, to the kids, to drag it out for any reason," says a source. [MSNBC]
• Ashlee Simpson gave birth to a baby boy last night, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Yeah, Bronx. And yeah: Mowgli. Urban Decay Jungle Book Wentz. [People]

• Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have been "fighting like cats and dogs," says a source, and may be in couples therapy. Work it out, ladies! [Page Six]
• Whoa, a kid almost died on the set of 30 Rock when an out-of-control taxi smashed into the street where the show was filming and everyone had to dive out of the way. [Page Six]
• Shia LaBeouf's wrecked truck was on eBay, but barely anyone bid on it. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson has converted to Islam. His name is now Mikaeel. It might be so that he can legally wear a burka in court and no one can stare at his skin. [The Sun]
• Michael Jackson Mikaeel is due in court next week to defend claims that he owes Sheikh Abdullah $7 million. May Allah be with him! [Guardian]
• Ooh, more soundbites from Britney's new documentary: "Do I know my life is weird? It's all I've ever known. I don't see it as being weird… I'm kind of stuck in this place and I'm like, How do you deal? I just cope with it every day… It's better not to feel anything at all and have hope than to feel the other way… It's bad. I'm sad." [She breaks down into tears.] [EW]
• Britney on why she let "bad people" into her life: "Because I was lonely." [People]
• Twilight star Robert Pattinson was asked, "What is all this talk about you not washing your hair for months on end?" He answered: "People are scared of my hair. But it starts washing itself after about three weeks. I'm just saying that. But, yeah, if it doesn't look dirty, why wash it?" Darling, it looks dirty. Get some Pantene Pro-V up in there. [USA Today]
• America's Next Top Model winner McKey says: "I was freaking out at the second CoverGirl commercial. I almost had a nervous breakdown. They only show a little bit of it, but Christian was fixing my makeup and I was like, 'Christian, I'm freaking out right now. I might have a nervous breakdown. I haven't had a nervous breakdown in forever. I'm going crazy. Why am I here?'" Because you look like a model, maybe? [E!]
• Leonardo DiCaprio attended a "preview screening" of a music video starring ex-girlfriend Gisele Bundchen because he's friends with the director, who is Kevin Connolly. Hollywood's a small town. [People]
• Uh, are Leo and Kate Bosworth an item???? [Star]
• Leo told this paper: "So much of my life has been spent on some far-off movie location and so little of it has been lived normally. I want to get married and have children." [Mirror]
• Hollywood is a small town, take 2: Samuel L. Jackson, Denzel Washington, Eddie Murphy, Reba McEntire, Sylvester Stallone, Magic Johnson and Barry Bonds are involved in the lawsuit between North and South Beverly Park homeowners. It's like the Sharks and the Jets! [LA Times]
• Here's more on that turf war between the North and the South. [TMZ]
• Apparently Brit TV host Jonathan Ross told Gwyneth Paltrow he "would fuck her" and the BBC has called that "gratuitous and unnecessarily offensive." Think so? [Guardian]
• A critic says Baz Luhrmann made a "big, big mistake" in casting Nicole Kidman as proper English dame Lady Sarah Ashley in Australia: Melanie Reid says Kidman is "one of the most overrated actors" in the world and who has "been the kiss of death in practically every movie she has starred in." There's more! "Kidman is exquisitely accomplished at being awful," Reid writes. "She can't act. Instead she drifts around films like a lost porcelain doll, looking frozen, brittle and vapid, staring at the camera with her oh-golly-look-how-I'm-looking-interesting blue eyes." Ouch! [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Ugh, someone asked Nicole Kidman if she was pregnant again. "No, I just have a little tummy," she said. "My god, I just had a baby four months ago – give me a break!" She added: "I think I've always had a little tummy, though, it runs in the family. My sister does, my mum does, my grandmother did… We affectionately refer to it as the 'little tummy.'" Fascinating. [People]
• Glenn Close didn't get the part of Elvira in Scarface because she wasn't slutty enough? [Page Six]
• Miley Cyrus let her boyfriend attend the casting for her new video, and a source says "Justin wanted to pick a guy that looked the most like him." WTF. [E!]
• Apparently the clip of Justin Timberlake dancing with Beyoncé on SNL has been yanked from YouTube due to music clearance issues. Dammit. Not fierce, Sasha. Not fierce. [LA Times]
• Angelina Jolie might not get nominated for an Oscar for her performance in Changeling, even though Ted Casablanca thinks she should. [E!]
• Rihanna's new tattoo: "It's tribal," she says. She got it in New Zealand, and it's Maori-inspired. "It's their traditional way of tattooing. I always wanted [one]. It hurt like hell!" [People]
• ABC has killed three shows: RIP Pushing Daisies, Eli Stone and Dirty Sexy Money. [EW]
• Your friend Kanye West began his concert in Germany by having the crowd wait tow hours and then running on stage and shouting, "I really need some pussy tonight!" [The Sun]
• Baby-wipes enthusiast Terrence Howard says all he's ever wanted to do is be all around the most beautiful women in the world. "I'm sorry I'm shallow like that, I'm a man." [Perez Hilton]
• Lance Bass is glad Julianne Hough has been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars: "She was the one I was scared of the most," he says. [People]
• Is Julianne Hough retiring from DWTS? "I'm not gonna be back next season," she says. "I really, really want to focus on the music and, ya know, be taken seriously a little bit. And I think it’s hard to be on [the show] and be singing." [People]
• Reese Witherspoon looks like a small town checkout girl on the cover of Parade. [Just Jared]
• Reese told Parade: "Family is all we have in life, but I don't know how I feel about marriage. Obviously, I'm not far enough out of being married to think about doing it again." For some reason this prompted this paper to run the headline "I'm Not Ready To Marry Jake." [Daily Mail]
• Heath Ledger's family issued a statement to say that a new book about the star contains "gross inaccuracies, false allegations and many incorrect and unsubstantiated comments." The unauthorized bio, written by a journalist, claims Ledger was mentally ill. [News.com.au]
• The world is weird: Shaquille O'Neal is on Twitter. [Observer]
• Holly Madison says she's wearing less makeup now and P. Hilton says she's lying through her fake teeth. [Perez Hilton]
• Paris Hilton went out without Benji Madden and "looked distraught and completely lonesome." Sniff. [People]
• As for Benji, he is not talking about the split. [E!]
• Have you seen Rosie O'Donnell's video response to Barbara Walters? [Perez Hilton]
• Fox's Roger Friedman says Rosie will get the last laugh, because her live variety show "should be an enormous hit." It's family-friendly and positive in its celebration of Broadway, New York, and the arts. Plus comedy is what Rosie excels at. [Fox 411]
• Michael Phelps: The new spokesperson for Subway sandwiches. Do you want him on whole wheat? [Perez Hilton]
• Is Michael Phelps off the market? He flew to Birmingham to see former Miss Alabama, Doree Walker, and they went to dinner and then to the zoo the next day. Roar. [MSNBC]
• New Lost trailer! And Sawyer and Juliet are holding hands. For like a split second. [E!]
• Josh Brolin, who plays Harvey Milk's assassin in Milk, says the story of Milk made him cry. [UPI]
• If you can understand this kerfluffle surrounding Bianca Jagger's lost ring and bankruptcy and an Austrian building magnate named Reinhard Ringler, please explain. [Daily Express]
• John Malkovich is making a documentary about the plight of migrant children who cross illegally into the U.S. It will be produced by Canana Films, a production company owned by Mexican actors Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal. [AP]
• Christina Ricci, Rosie Perez and Arsenio Hall will voice characters in The Hero of Color City, an animated film about a group of crayons that band together to stop a tyrant from robbing their world of color. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Katie "Jordan" Price in her underwear again, yawn. [Perez Hilton]
• Did New Kids On The Block's Donnie Wahlberg out suspected gay Jonathan Knight? [Perez Hilton]
• It's official: Jean Claude Van Damme hits on young female reporters. [23/6]
• John Cleese, 69, is dating a 27-year-old named Barbie. [The Sun]
• The headmistress of Oprah Winfrey's girls' school in South Africa, Nomvuyo Mzamane, has dropped her suit against The Huffington Post and a blogger she claimed falsely harmed her reputation. [Portƒolio]
• When it comes to cash, Bruce Willis is a die hard, heh: He invested $2 million in a Malaysian technology company and then withdrew his cash; they still owe him $900,000 and he's filed a court complaint. [AP]
• Former Senator Fred Thompson, who was on Law & Order and then tried running for president, is going back to acting. Anyone want to cast him? [AP]
• Success has made Leona Lewis "really, really lonely." Sad face! [Mirror]
• Linda Hogan was getting $40,000 a month in temporary alimony payments. Now she claims to be broke. She wants a court hearing to talk about getting more cash out of the Hulkster. [Perez Hilton]
• TRL's Damien Fahey has a new job, now that his MTV show is dead: He'll be a special correspondent for Extra. [Page Six]
• "That's debatable in Hollywood. There's the obvious answer: Angelina, for saving the planet with her adoptions and charity work." — Megan Fox, when asked who the Woman of the Year was. [E!]
• "[Four Christmases] is not for your children. It's PG-13. But my family always went to movies on Christmas Day – The Godfather, The Elephant Man. Your typical cheerful holiday fare. It's fun to go to the movies at Christmas and nice to be part of a movie that at least grown-ups and teenagers can see. Plus it means a lot when I get to have experiences where I meet young people and they say, 'You know, this is the movie that got me through a hard time' or, 'This is the movie I watch with my family.'" [Independent]
• "There are disco bands, rap bands, Yiddish folk song bands in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but not Kiss I believe we have more gold records in America than any other group, but it's OK." — Gene Simmons, bruised because his band's not in the Hall of Fame. [Reuters]
• "That would be really exciting if that does happen. I hope it does. There has been some talk about it but I think it's in its very early days. But I'm practicing by dressing as a pirate every day - just in case!" — Russell Brand, on playing Captain Jack Sparrow's brother in the new Pirates Of The Caribbean flick. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I did a photo shoot for her, and she suddenly took off her T-shirt to change into another and I was like, 'Damn!' She was so beautiful, elegant, classy and timeless, and there was something really exotic about it. Very few human beings have been that sexy and desirable. I wanted to say, 'You are sculpted by God.' I was like, wow." — Rosario Dawson on Iman. [Daily Express]
• "Our new president is really a person who came from a place where they told him he couldn’t be something, in a country where no one ever thought that we would see a black president, but now that we have a black president we understand that black people, white people, Asian people, Native Americans, Latinos, no matter what color you are, we all are one. Whatever you want to be you can be in this world. You just have to put your mind to it." — Common, to elementary school students in Georgia. [Concrete Loop]
• "I can drink most men under the table and be fine! And I get louder and giggly. Do I get more affectionate? Who doesn't?" — Sienna Miller. [Mirror]

The Accused: TMZ
The Crime: Foul language; equating clothes and actions.
The Evidence:

"Linda Hogan: Prison Slut. Linda Hogan dressed up to see her son in jail ... the good news is she could go right from there to work the 2:00 PM shift at the local strip club. With barely-there shorts, a tight tee and pair of Lucite heels, Linda arrived separately from her daughter, Brooke, and soon-to-be ex, Hulk Hogan. Linda, some of the guys in the hoosegow haven't seen a chick in six months. Then again, some of them are clearly eligible."

Okay, well, you can make the argument that dressing slutty doesn't make you a slut. I wore a Playboy Bunny Halloween costume when I was in 6th grade despite never having made out with a boy. Then again, Linda Hogan is tacky. But it's not cool for "entertainment news" site to have a headline called "Linda Hogan: Prison Slut." It pisses me off that they have this team of people who go out and harass celebs and then write awful things about them and are then rewarded with a corporate deal from AOL. It legitimizes their assholery.
The Sentence: A kick in the nuts with the aforementioned stripper heels.

The Accused: WWTDD?
The Crime: Rape jokes.
The Evidence:

"I wonder if someone tried to rape Kirsten. Because she's so sexy. And then things got out of hand. Sex crimes are serious. Any time a girl is raped, I think she should go to the cops immediately. Unless I'm the one who did it, in which case I think we should just let bygones be bygones. Why live in the past?"

Wow. I don't know. Half of me thinks they're baiting us. The other half is like who cares, typing those words should be a crime. It's not right and it's not funny. Rape is a brutal act of aggression and making light of it is immoral. The end.
The Sentence: A case of necrotizing fasciitis, also known as the flesh-eating disease.

The Accused: Yeeeah
The Crime: Equating Britney to a manatee.
The Evidence:

"Save the Britney: Meet Britney! She’s one of the few who survived 2007, during which 78 manatees were killed by watercraft and hundreds more by water pollution and direct destruction of their natural habitats. But with the advent of Adopt-A-Manatee, you can do your part to help save Florida’s gentle giants. For only $25 you get: * A photo of your manatee * The manatee’s biography * An adoption certificate * A signed copy of "Toxic" * Four newsletters throughout the year with updated reports on your adoptee. Britney needs our help. Let’s all do our part to save the docile sea cows of the Southeastern United States!"

Britney's had a tough year and she seems to be getting a handle on her mental illness. Lord knows what kind of medications she is on. Why do people feel the need to talk about her weight? Why is any mother of two under the microscope like this? For the record, she does not look like a sea cow, she looks great. What is wrong with people.
Also Accused, For A Similar Crime: Egotastic
The Evidence:

"With her recent weight gain, and Mel Gibson whisking her down to Costa Rica, many have been speculating that Britney Spears is pregnant again. But as you can see from these Britney Spears bikini pictures, she's just getting fatter. Her belly is definitely bigger, but those rolls of fat clearly show the only things causing that bump are burgers. Or Cheetos in Britney's case."

Also Accused, For A Similar Crime: IDontLikeYouInThatWay
The Evidence:

"I'm not sure what kind of funhouse mirror glasses this dude from The Sun is looking at these pictures with, but the only curves I see is on Britney's Coke can. The rest is just Britney's fat ass squeezed into a bikini. At this point, I'm just surprised a whale didn't bite her ankle and pull her into the ocean to be it's[sic] mate. You could see how that would be an honest mistake."

The Sentence: All offenders must spend 48 hours treading water in the open sea, wearing a necklace of steaks.

The Accused: IDontLikeYouInThatWay
The Crime: Good old-fashioned misogyny.
The Evidence:

"Lily Allen is horrifically unattractive, so I guess she really had no other choice. Ugly girls have to compete with hot chicks somehow. Unless Lily Allen can give blowjobs with her mind, getting drunk and ripping off her clothes seems like a pretty reasonable option."

First: "Ugly" girls do not have to "compete" with "hot chicks." A woman's world does not revolve around whether men find her attractive. Unfortunately, the gossip blogging culture is making its money off of the idea that a woman's worth is in her looks. If you're not a "hot chick" you must be worthless, even though you are a human being with thoughts and feelings and a brain and talents. Gah.
The Sentence: Acute glaucoma that leads to blindness.

Three readers pressed charges against the following:

The Accused: Perez Hilton
The Crime: Mocking a baby.
The Evidence:

"How Do We Say This Delicately? Adam Sandler revealed to Jay Leno last night that he and his wife are expecting another baby. Uhmmmm…. Let's hope this kid isn't as ugly as Sandler's other child, Sadie, age 2. Yeah, there, we said it! Perez looks in the mirror a lot. He knows ugly when he sees it and that kid is ugly. And fat too!"

Hear that, two-year-olds? Nevermind that you're developing and growing and need all your nutrients so that you can someday have adult-sized teeth and a fully-functioning brain. You need to diet!
The Sentence: 60 days wearing a poop-filled baby diaper. Or something like that. Any suggestions?

Want to report a Crime Against Womanity? Send the link to tips@jezebel.com with "Missdemeanors" in the subject line.

• Lily Allen's been seeing a shrink? Good for her. [The Sun]
• Dannielynn Birkhead, 18 months old, has officially been declared the sole heir to Anna Nicole Smith's estate. If the court battle involving Smith's late husband's fortune is ever settled, Dannielynn could get millions! [TMZ]
• Scarlett Johansson: Moving in with Ryan Reynolds? [Rush & Molloy]
• Linda Hogan is claiming that Hulk Hogan is using their son Nick to deliver messages about the divorce. Kids are always caught in the middle! [TMZ
• A New York City restaurant with cameras in its "private room" has caught stars like Diddy, Sienna Miller, Tom Brady and Gisele "frolicking" on video, but a rep says the tapes get deleted, shizzle. [Page Six]
• Salma Hayek loves her 6-month-old daughter but "I wanted a boy," she says. "There is always conflict between mothers and daughters. But now that she's here, I'm so happy she's a girl. And I can't imagine there ever being conflict between us, because I'm in a state of innocence where I love everything she does." Eh, just wait until she's 17. [Page Six]
• Does Kimora Lee Simmons have a contract rider for personal appearances that requires someone to refill her champagne glass if it gets below one inch? Will she only drink Fiji water? Do places have to provide fans that blow on her in case it gets hot? [Page Six]
• Is twice rehabbed Pat O'Brien being dropped from The Insider? [Page Six]
• Chace Crawford, aka Gossip Girl's Nate: Spotted partying with JC Chasez in Las Vegas. [Page Six]
• Ryder Robinson, son of Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson, was in Miami Beach when he got into an elevator that reeked of booze and cigarettes. "It smells like Daddy's concert!" the 4-year-old proclaimed. [Page Six]
• A guest at the Real Housewives Of New York City party was heard saying: "These women do not represent New York. This show is a joke." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which actress went into rehab only after she suffered a miscarriage? She was on a four-day cocaine bender when she lost the baby she didn't even know she was carrying." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which red-carpet couple will finally have someone to talk to now that they're new parents? The Hollywood pair are so strange and reclusive, 'they have no other friends.'" [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which super-star mommy cut a PR deal with the private hospital in which she gave birth to cut down on the costs of her VIP suite?" [Gatecrasher]
• Oh, now Barack Obama is not attending opening night of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. Boo. [Gatecrasher]
• Emma Thompson's "adopted" Rwandan son thinks Brits are obsessed with the "pathetic celebrity culture." Smart guy! [Daily Mail]
• Daniel Baldwin is working on becoming an interventionist? Really? [TMZ]
• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo, hot-spot hopping in New York, blah blah blah, yawn. [People]
• David Hernandez, who danced nekkid before becoming an American Idol finalist, won't be kicked off the show because, producers say, "We're never judgmental about what people do to earn a living." And hey, being ogled in the buff probably prepared him for the competition! [People]
• "Millions of fans" are supporting Jennifer Aniston in "internet chat rooms" and "fan sites" after she didn't get a chance to confront Brad and Angelina at an Oscar party, sez this paper. Sure, sure. Whatever. [Daily Express]
• Sandra Bernhard is in the new issue of Vanity Fair and her girlfriend just happens to the a publicist for the mag, interesting. [Radar]
• Lil' Jon has a winery??? Jon is offering his own Merlot, Chardonnay and Cabernet Sauvignon in slick black bottles. From crunk to classy! [Ad Age]
• Mariah Carey says she's not ready to be a mom. "It's hard enough to have a puppy." Word. [MSNBC]
• Cruz Beckham, in a Batman suit. That kid is destined for stardom. [Daily Mail]