On Monday, Time announced its annual shortlist for 2015’s Person of the Year, an honor annually bestowed to someone who has changed the narrative, or some shit.
Lincoln, my sweet, humble wood stork: since the moment you stepped on that CNN debate stage 10 days ago, you were everything to me.
Lincoln Chafee, a gentle, smiling bird you’d rather not be killing for dinner but you have to, that’s nature, has raised just over $15,000 for his Democratic presidential campaign. Of that sum, $4,100 came from his own wallet, while $8,300 was collected from a selection of major donors as numerous as toes on your…
Former Rhode Island governor Lincoln Chafee, a mild-mannered gecko whom I long to take home and place in a well-lit terrarium environment, did not perform well at Tuesday night’s democratic debate and will absolutely never be President. But Wolf Blitzer did not need to be so mean about it!
Would it make you like him more or less?
Good evening. Join us, endure with us, as five people shout loudly and mostly to themselves about saving the middle class: it’s the first Democratic debate.
As this election season continues to ebb away our will to live, it’s only fair that the Democratic Party gets in on the action. Tonight at 8:30 EST on CNN they will do that. Live from Las Vegas, it’s the least sexy thing that’s ever happened in Las Vegas.
Around 8:30 tonight, a group of concerned white senior citizens will alight delicately on an overlarge stage in Las Vegas and make a case for why they should be allowed to roost in the White House. The following is a field guide to help the amateur naturalist politics-watcher identify the non-Hillary Clintons you…