The universe works in mysterious ways, but occasionally a gear will click into place and simplify at least one aspect of your troubled adult existence. Examples: cheese going on fries, and the fact that Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen are dating. See? Motherfucking TOLD YOU. It's like the plot of The Time Traveler's Wife…

Speaking of pictures ripped out of Teen People that you glued on your 5th grade Trapper Keeper (weren't we? we totally were), Britney Spurrz has gotten the jump on her boss Simon Cowell. She's quitting The X-Factor before Cowell and the other assorted Powers that Be can fire her, tired of paying her $15 million to say…

In today's Tweet Beat, Lily Allen will have a unique soundtrack for childbirth, Lena Dunham is questioning her past, Aziz Ansari reveals the true story behind Zero Dark Thirty and Tara Reid misses Jedward.

A pervy upskirt shot of underwearless Anne Hathaway getting out of a limo at a New York premiere of Les Miserables has been making the rounds on that beautiful formless mass of the collective human id that we call the Interwebz. This morning on the TODAY show, she responded eloquently to host/human toejam Matt…

Apparently "the gay community of Hollywood" isn't surprised by the rumors that Joe Simpson has come out to his family after the dissolution of his three-decade marriage, because some 21-year-old punk-ass West Hollywood kid has been going around and "boasting" about dating the 54-year-old former youth pastor for at least…

This is probably, prrrrrobably not true, but feelings-haver Taylor Swift may have made an enemy of Camelot by attempting to collect Kennedy boys like Pokémon. Apparently Tay-Tay made out with Patrick Schwarzenegger at a family event she attended with her boyfriend Conor Kennedy, and the whole clan except Conor is aware …

The Ryan Lochte/Prince Harry Vegas bacchanal news continues, now with additional cavorting! Undoubtedly under the spell of jeah, England's prodigal son Harry played a game of strip pool in Las Vegas that ended with him butt-naked, freaking with the girl next door (see above), and Wales lawyers were undoubtedly like,…

In a case of movie title imitating life, Russell Brand's facial hair refused to begin filming Eric Idle's new musical What About Dick? until he convinced a wardrobe assistant to flash him. He actually delayed production for two hours, haranguing her the entire time. A source said:

Did you guys forget that Sarah Jessica Parker can do more than make weird constipated/thinking faces and stare at the computer screen of an outdated Mac? She's a triple threat, y'alls!

After fifteen years of marriage (and a fair amount of that spent in couples therapy, apparently), two of the final standing members of the Un-Divorced Hollywood Old Guard, Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith, might be almost ready to call it quits. This spring, Banderas was seen getting all up on another woman at a…