In the clip above, Joy asks Levi if he believes that Sarah Palin loves him, as she said on Oprah. "Sex on Skates" tells it like it is: "You've seen her on TV so you can tell she's fake if you're paying attention." (Exactly!)

Joy tries to get Levi to say whether he and Bristol ever had sex in the Palin home. He refuses, but the answer is written all over his face. (In fact, don't you think they probably did it in Sarah and Todd's bed?):


Levi "I ain't ever seen a gay guy in Wasilla" is open-minded about his gay icon status: "They're people too. It doesn't matter to me. More fans, it's great":


This kid and his handlers really need to hurry up with Levi's Book of Palin Secrets, but they probably don't have a release date yet because they're seeing if Palin will run for President in 2012, when a book like Levi's would get the most traction (and do the most damage.) Every time Sarah Palin drives me nuts (lately, several times per day) I'm just going to remember that Levi has explosive secrets yet to share. I just hope that kid kept a diary.


Here's the Atlantic's Andrew Sullivan, who has been obsessed with - some would say unhinged over - Sarah Palin and the former Governor's uterus for over a year at this point. He continues his line of questioning as to the circumstances surrounding the labor and delivery of Palin's youngest son, Trig. (All political conspiracy theories apparently start in Dallas.) "No one does that," he says of Palin's choice to fly home to Alaska while in labor. "No one ever does that." (We love it when men assert knowledge and mastery over female reproductive systems!) Then, he summons the wisdom of Judge Judy.

• Katie Holmes went with a group of her friends to see New Moon in New York. An eyewitness reports: "Katie talked through all of New Moon. It was unbelievable – they talked nonstop about the movie and everything else."

• The source continues: "Some people wanted to tell them to be quiet, but when they realized who it was, they stayed silent. No one wanted to shush Katie." [Fox News]
• The 17-year-old Michigan girl who claimed a man bit her on the neck after a screening of New Moon on Friday has admitted that the alleged culprit was just kissing her on the neck and she was a "willing participant." She's facing criminal charges for filing a false police report. [TMZ]
• There are three versions of Entertainment Weekly's new cover, featuring either Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, or Taylor Lautner. [Pop Sugar]
• Anderson Cooper is reportedly moving in with his boyfriend of eight months, gay bar owner Ben Maisani. A friend says, "Anderson has found his 'Mr. Right' in Ben. Their relationship is so solid they want to move in together, and they've been looking at Manhattan real estate." [National Enquirer]
• The Swiss court on Roman Polanski's release: "The 76-year-old appellant is married and the father of two minors... It can be assumed that as a responsible father he will, especially in view of his advanced age, attach greater importance to the financial security of his family than a younger person." His previous bail offer of his home as collateral was rejected and the court demanded money instead. Peter Cosandey, a former Zurich prosecutor, said it's unusual for a non-resident to be granted bail, but "cash is king." [AP]
• The Jackson family had an early Thanksgiving dinner on Tuesday. "That's really, really important because we're a family and throughout the years, the managers, the agents and Hollywood have tried to come between that," Jermaine Jackson said. "What they don't know is we were together before we came out here and we're going to continue to be together." [CNN]
• Now that Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman have split, he won't be spending Thanksgiving with her family. He can't visit his kids either, because it's Kate's day. "I won't be home," says Jon. "I'm going to my grandma's." [Us]
• Kim Kardashian posted a list of the 10 things she's most thankful for including her family, friends, fans, "Lamar for making Khloe the happiest girl in the world" and "My glam squad for always making me fabulous!" [Us]
• Courtney Love took her Hole bandmates to a strip club yesterday. "Courtney Love brought in a group of guys who all looked like Keith Richards, some of whom were in her band. They arrived about 12:30," a source reports. "She was saying she used to be a stripper and appreciated what the girls do. Courtney left in a limo with a female friend after 45 minutes, leaving the band to enjoy themselves." [N.Y. Post]
• Oprah Winfrey's former rival Phil Donahue says he understands why she wants to retire. "She's a remarkable story," he said, "But you're on air every day. Eventually you think, 'do people really want to hear me talk anymore?'" [N.Y. Post]
• In an email sent to Oprah.com subscribers, she writes: "Fifteen years ago, I wrote in my journal that one day I would create a television network, as I always felt my show was just the beginning of what the future could hold." Also, the Post is calling her "Prah" now, because it's just too difficult to type that "O." [N.Y. Post]
• Fergie experienced Daniel Day-Lewis' method acting while filming Nine. She says: "Daniel is very charming. I'd go into my dressing room, and I'd find this little note. I'd open it, and it would be Guido's stationary. He would write me little notes as Guido. They were very cute and very charming." [Popeater]
• The Real Housewives of New York were frolicking on the beach in St. John over the weekend, where they're filming an upcoming episode. [N.Y. Post]
• Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig raised $7,000 for the charity Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS when they sold the sweaty vests they were wearing after a performance of A Steady Rain. One female audience member yelled, "How much for the pants?" to which Hugh responded: "By pants, we are talking about the trousers right?" [The Star]
• "I didn't fit in in high school and I felt like a freak," says Lady Gaga. "So I like to create this atmosphere for my fans where they feel like they have a freak in me to hang out with and they don't feel alone." [People]
• Kelly Osbourne says she's not upset that Donny Osmond won DWTS "Everyone kept coming up to me and saying, 'Are you okay? Are you okay?'" she said. "And I'm like, 'I never fucking thought I was going to win anyway!'" [Us]
• Levi Johnston has rethought his position on joining DWTS. "I think if my phone were to ring right now, I would probably say yes," he said. "Dancing isn't really my thing but I think I could do it... I mean, I'm pretty athletic so I think I could do just about anything." [ET]
• Kim Cattrall is posing nude to raise money to keep the painting "Diana and Callisto" by Titian in Britain's National Gallery and prevent it from being sold to a private foreign bidder. [Contact Music]
• Good Morning America cancelled a scheduled Adam Lambert appearance this morning, so he appeared on CBS's Early Show instead, along with the man he made out with at the AMAs. [TMZ]
• Liza Minnelli says the greatest moment in her career is yet to come. "I'm a Minnelli, so there's always something to do," she said. "I'll think of something. I always do." [Reuters]
• T.I. and Lil Wayne's daughters have joined with two other girls ages 11 to 13 to form the group OMG Girlz, which is managed by T.I.'s fiancée, Tameka 'Tiny' Cottle. [MTV]
• Sylvester Stallone is facing charges after he was photographed this weekend driving his Mustang with two little girls sharing one seat belt in the passenger seat. [Daily Express]
• John Mayer's new album Battle Studies topped the Billboard chart this week with 286,000 copies sold. [N.Y.T.]
• Erik Estavillo, who is suing the makers of World of Warcraft for creating a virtual environment that he says has given him various emotional problems, has subpoenaed Depeche Mode founder Martin Lee Gore because "he himself has been known to be sad, lonely, and alienated as can be seen in the songs he writes," and Winona Ryder because she'll be able to "explain the significance of alienation in Catcher in the Rye and will also testify to how alienation in the book can tie to alienation in real live/video games such as World of Warcraft." [Game Politics]
• James McAvoy usually won't do films with his wife Anne-Marie Duff, but he made an exception for The Last Station. He said, "We've been offered a hell of a lot of parts playing opposite each other in films and TV and we just turn them down. If you do work together you put yourself up, you make yourself a target and you make your relationship a target and all of that. We're very keen not to do that. But in The Last Station we don't play opposite each other hardly at all. It was nice to spend those two months together rather than spending those two months apart, while she's off somewhere doing God knows what and I'm off doing God knows what. So it was fine. It was quite easy with this one." [Daily Express]
• Viggo Mortensen says his role in The Road was difficult physically. "We had good makeup and all that, but because it was such a tough journey physically and emotionally, as I gradually got closer to [the character], I literally was getting weaker and weaker and it took more energy to just focus — which was right. So it was this gradual decline into character that in some part was real. I mean, I was pretty beat by the end, and so was Kodi. And it shows. There were things that are on screen that are beyond whatever we prepared." [Inside Movies]
• "I was playing truth or dare when I had my first kiss," says Kellan Lutz. "I was probably 7. I learned to hold the girl and I won as best kisser. They picked me because I actually held the girls when I kissed them. I loved kissing them because they had flavored lip glosses on, which was great." [People]
• "Nothing surprises me in terms of reviews," says New Moon director Chris Weitz. "Having been a reviewer myself, there are only two ways to spin this story. You can either be the one guy who says this is a great movie, or more likely, take a more jaundiced view of the whole thing. And given the media blitz that has accompanied New Moon, it's rather unsurprising. I do wish there was more appreciation for cinematographer Javier Aguirresarobe. I think he's a genius, and I think he made something beautiful." [Us]
• "I have (my Oscar) in my house in Spain and I still haven't found the right place for it. But for the first month when I won I was so excited about it, I took it everywhere with me. I took it — this is true — I even took it to the beach one day and put it under a towel." — Penelope Cruz [UPI]

• 'Sup Twihards? This column alleges Robert Pattinson is a "hot property" thanks to New Moon's record-breaking box office this weekend…

The flick sold more tix on opening day than The Dark Knight did last year. Personally, I don't think the Sparkle Vamp did it all alone: The story, KStew, and the Buff Werewolf deserve part of the blame credit. [Daily Mail]

• Fans pretended they were guests of the Bowery Hotel so they could catch a glimpse of Robert Pattinson drinking in the hotel bar. [Gatecrasher]
• Despite being painfully tedious, New Moon earned $140.7 million during its first three days of release in the US and Canada, and is now third behind The Dark Knight and Spider-Man 2 in terms of record opening weekends. [Reuters]
• Sandra Bullock had a big weekend as well: The Blind Side made about $34.5 million, the best opening of her career — just over The Proposal's $33.6 million weekend. [ONTD via Entertainment Weekly]
• Last night at the AMAs, Michael Jackson won four, but Taylor Swift walked away with six, including artists of the year. [USA Today]
• This piece claims that Miley Cyrus' '80s-themed 17th birthday bash was a surprise party, but didn't we hear that she wore a Pretty Woman ensemble? She must have been tipped off. [People]
• What kind of fuckery is this? Amy Winehouse proposed to Blake Fielder Civil? And he said yes? Blaaaaake allegedly told a source: "We've been talking on the phone five or six times a day. On Friday she told me she was going to put the engagement ring [I gave her the first time around] on. We'd changed our status to married on Facebook a couple of weeks back but that was more of a laugh. This is the real deal. She told me she wanted to get married again. I feel so happy." [News Of The World]
• Lindsay Lohan allegedly wanted to pick up a bunch of stuff from trendy LA store Kitson — without paying. A source says it's ridiculous, especially since the store carries her 6126 leggings line: "We're actually really offended. The tables have turned and now we're the customer. We spent $50,000 on her leggings line, but she hasn't come to the store in three years, and she didn't even do a personal appearance. She should have brought cookies for the staff to thank them for selling her leggings because she does nothing. We don't know if we'll continue to carry them." [Daily Express]
• Britney Spears invited several girls from a children's hospital backstage before a show in Sydney, Australia. A nice gesture, and also an attempt to get the lip-sync stories out of the news? [Radar Online]
• Seven bulls being used in the Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz movie Knight & Day (previously titled Wichita) escaped and ran through the streets of Cadiz, Spain. Two people were hurt as the bulls headed for the beach. [EW]
• Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Pierce Brosnan and Neil Patrick Harris attended the 2009 CNN Heroes Awards, honoring people who make a difference in the lives of others. [NY Daily News]
• If you watch Jude Law do yoga on the balcony of his apartment, he will throw oranges at you. You've been warned. [Just Jared]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: Back on? They were spotted out at a club doing shots, holding hands, acting cozy, etc. [Gatecrasher]
• Are Jude Law and Colin Farrell better as supporting actors? [NY Mag]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin had an all-day mediation hearing in Pennsylvania on Saturday, and Jon "didn't dispute Kate having primary custody of the kids," according to a source. Jon showed up with a bouquet of roses, which Kate refused to take: "In what should have been their most serious moment as a couple," says the source, "Jon again resorted to a publicity stunt." [People, Us]
• Heidi Klum's request to become Heidi Samuel: Approved. [NY Daily News]
• Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson celebrated Bronx Mowgli's first birthday with a bouncehouse, a cake and someone dressed as SpongeBob. And, presumably: Flatirons; eyeliner. [People]
• LOL: "Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe defended by Draco Malfoy in cannabis row." [Telegraph]
• Eyeroll: Lauren Conrad has a style book coming out next fall. [NY Daily News]
• The Discovery Channel is psyched to be partnering with Oprah in her attempts to create OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. [UPI]
• At the link, quotes from Ellen DeGeneres, Gayle King and Martha Stewart about Oprah and her decision to end her show; Gayle says: "Oprah always makes the best decision for herself… And I have a feeling she will come up with some things to do. We don't need to worry about her filling her time, I promise you that." [NY Daily News]
• Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton are expecting their first child in May and have already picked names: "We like Julian if it's a boy and Isabella if it's a girl," he says. Personally I think it's weird (possibly unlucky) to name so early… and to tell People. Thoughts? [People]
• Meg Ryan and Nip/Tuck's Julian McMahon? Going on dates? He's Australian, like Russell Crowe, with whom Meg allegedly had an affair, thus ending her marriage to Dennis Quaid. Oh, and McMahon maybe has a girlfriend. [News.com.au]
• Investigators found a receipt showing that Dr. Conrad Murray purchased propofol on May 12 and administered doses from that batch to Michael Jackson in the hours before his death on June 25. [NY Post]
• Gwen Stefani and Jon Bon Jovi are suing ally's Saloon and Eatery in Minneapolis, Minnesota for playing their songs without the proper music license. (?!?!) [Daily Express]
• U2 will headline the Glastonbury festival on Friday night. [The Sun]
• Aerosmith is not looking for a new lead singer, despite reports to the contrary. [UPI]
• Levi Johnston's mom: Going to jail on an intent to distribute OxyContin charge. [NY Post]
• This column asks if Leona Lewis will have Titanic-style success with her theme song for James Cameron's Avatar, but I doubt the movie will enjoy Titanic-style adoration. [LA Times]
• Robbie Williams is looking for investors, if you have $83 mil. [Reuters]
• Creed's Scott Stapp tells Spin magazine there's no actual sex in his 1999 sex tape. You know, the one where he and Kid Rock were on a bus with groupies and received oral sex? [Page Six]
• Jenna Ushkowitz, aka "Goth girl Tina Cohen-Chang" on Glee, says the whole cast is close: "It's disgusting how much we all really love each other." [NY Post]
• Major eyeroll: Carrie Prejean's brother says, "I'm all the way against gay marriage. I don't feel that it's right that a man and a man should raise a kid." [Radar Online]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Personal girlcrush Monica Bellucci is three months pregnant. (Her husband, Vincent Cassel, is easy on the eyes as well.) [ONTD via MediaFax]
• Rachael Ray gave Diddy a diamond cuff for his birthday. [Page Six]
• Q. You're 45 and dating very attractive 26-year-old Hollywood actress Amber Tamblyn. Do you give hope to baldies everywhere?
  A: "If you want to use me as an example, sure. But I think it would be a false hope. It's certainly not my looks that are reeling in the ladies. It's more about my completely average-sized cock. — David Cross. [Guardian]
• "British TV personality David Frost will be honored at the 37th Annual International Emmy Awards for a wide-ranging career that has taken him from pioneering political satire on television to conducting serious interviews with former President Richard Nixon and other newsmakers." [NY Times]
• Skater Tai Babilonia will wear skates, a tiny flesh-coloredthing and a sign across her chest while gliding through Rockefeller Center's ice rink for PETA's "Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign. [Page Six]
• "A Canadian man has admitted shoving Noel Gallagher at an Oasis concert in Toronto in September 2008, claiming he was drunk at the time." [Guardian]
• Whatshername quit I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. [Daily Mail]
• "Fuck them, what else can I say? Why doesn't that little bitch that wrote that try and write a song — which they wont be able to do and that's why they're sitting behind their little computer, eating their little chips and writing that hateful shit — why don't they write their own song and see what they can come up with?" — Michael Bublé, on a journalist who described his music as being as "cheesy as a quesadilla." [News.com.au]
• "People always compliment me on my performance in the movie, but I cannot take credit for it at all because I truly had no idea what the film was about." — Christina Ricci on The Ice Storm. [Gatecrasher]
• "Age is no issue to me. Fifty is the new 30. Seventy is the new 50. There are no rules that say you have to dress a certain way, or be a certain way. We are living in exciting times for women. Keep up with fashion, keep up with your figure and the clothes you wear. If you look good and you can still do it, then go and do it. I have never worried about age. I am vain. When I look in the mirror, I want to look good to myself. I'm kind of OK with how I'm ageing." — Tina Turner. [Daily Express]
• "We've seen female pop and rock performers do that for the last 10 years. They've been very provocative, owning their power and sexuality. You just don't see men doing it very often. And I'm hoping to break down that double standard with this number." — Adam Lambert on his performance in which "he thrusts a leather-clad male backup dancer's face toward his crotch, and later flashes a knowing smile as he strokes the same dancer's cheek after plowing through a door that swings both ways." [AP]
• "Obama's best material during the campaign was cherry-picked from the things Kucinich had been talking about for a long time. And Kucinich continues to be really the people's congressman. He is the one with the most conscience regarding health care, the banking issue, the bailout. He's the guy who said we should not go into Iraq, and was called a traitor for it. He was a guy who said, 'This Patriot Act is not a good thing, we should not vote for it.' Even people in his own party were saying, 'Why do you say that?' And he says, 'Because I read it,' and there was silence. 'Cause none of them had read it. They just voted yes because they were told to. Same with health care stuff." — Viggo Mortensen. [Mother Jones]
• "I had a girl faint on me. And then the criers. And then the cougars-the Twi-Moms-always come after us. That's been very surreal, because we've had phone numbers slipped in our back pockets. It's like we're The Beatles." — Chaske Spencer, aka New Moon's wolf pack leader Sam Uley. [EW]
• "During World War II, when money was tight, everything was rationed and the most basic commodities impossible to find, women went out of their way to look as attractive as possible… They always wore red lipstick and would melt remnants into tiny containers so as not to waste any, then use a brush to apply it with great care.… here we are in the middle of yet another great recession, depression, slump - whatever our politicians care to call it - and money is tighter than an 18th-century corset. Women still need to cheer themselves up, so what better way to do it than to decorate their faces? I believe that 90 per cent of women can look prettier, healthier and happier in red lipstick, the only disadvantage being that it can leave its mark on a friend's cheek… What better way to face the world than with a perfect face, great hair and good nails? And for those critics who pooh-pooh this idea, let me say to them: just try it. It works - I know it does." — from a column written by Joan Collins. [Daily Mail]
• "I am really in love. I am really happy. Chivalry, opening doors for a woman. It is a big thing. My boyfriend still takes me out for dinner every week. He won't tell me where we are going. He puts on a suit and just takes me out and treats me like a lady." — Lily Allen. [Daily Mail]
• "As an English actress, you have to don a bonnet at some point. This was my time. There was a tsunami of women behind me wanting the role, so I sort of bullied myself in. Many period films are very arch and stiff, and I don't respond to the characters. If I see 'the rebellious English rose' in stage directions, I'm already bored. But this was a girl who was willing to expose herself to the world. That was what was different for me." — Emily Blunt. [NY Mag]
• "I mean, 75 years. That's a long time. [The black experience] is a major part of the story of America. And Disney is excited about telling it. I'm deeply honored to be involved. On the flip side of that, it's not a black movie. It's a movie that has a young black woman as the title character, but it's a story for everyone. I think that anybody can look at this movie and say, 'I remember when I was yearning for something and it was so difficult and I had to work so hard.' That's the beautiful thing about it - it's so inclusive." — Anika Noni Rose on The Princess And The Frog. [NY Daily News]
• "There are certain expressions lifted right off of my face… When she's smiling, she lights up the screen. She has my nose. There's a certain scene toward the end where she has a change in hairdo, in a fantasy sequence, where she looks dead-on." — Anika Noni Rose on Tiana in The Princess And The Frog. [NY Daily News]
• "Pam is due to have her baby in February. I don't know what it is. It's going to be a surprise. There have been a lot of discussions about it but no decision has been made yet. So it's really like a real pregnancy. I think we're going to find out when they write it. What I'm having. It should be really interesting… I don't know if it's that she has chosen not to, but they've chosen not to reveal it. I don't know if you've noticed, but she's always referring to her baby as, like, in things that are not gender-specific." — Jenna Fischer, aka Pam on The Office. [Pop Eater]

• Harpo, Inc. has released a statement saying Oprah Winfrey will make an announcement about the future of her TV show tomorrow. An insider says she told her staff today that next season will be her last.

• Her final show will air on September 9, 2011, after 25 years on the air. [TMZ, AP]
• When Courtenay Semel is on the cover of Curve, a lesbian magazine, talking about Lindsay Lohan, she is not speaking as "her former BFF, [and] socialite," People. She is speaking as Lindsay's ex-girlfriend. As in two ladies who lived together and loved each other very much and had sex. As Semel jokes, "I'd like to to say that I'm kind of like the Don Juan of the lesbian world." [People]
• Tila Tequila has been delivering a naked rant for hours on her Ustream page, saying things like, "I am an angel ... because I am here to save the world with my army," and, "People call me an attention whore .. or whatever ... but excuse me I'm a grown ass woman and I'm confident in myself ...I think a woman's body is a beautiful thing ... that's why I'm a lesbian ... I was born naked ... anybody who is against that is gay and in denial." [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila's lawyer says her meltdown is all Shawne Merriman's fault because the "domestic violence incident" has "pushed her over the edge." He admitted there's something seriously wrong with her and he's trying to get her help. [TMZ]
• Senator John Kerry's daughter Alexandra Forbes Kerry was arrested early this morning on suspicion of DUI. A blood alcohol test showed a level of .06, which is under the legal limit in California, but she can sill be prosecuted if she was operating her car unsafely due to alcohol. [TMZ]
• Senator Kerry's rep says he "supports his daughter and will have no further comment on a private matter." [TMZ]
• A judge warned Redmond O'Neal at a progress report hearing today, saying he believes he isn't working as hard as he can at rehab. His lawer says he's "committed to recovery." [Radar Online]
• He's due back in court on December 2 and the judge said, "The report better be glowing, or there will be consequences." [Radar Online]
• Chris Brown was in court today for a progress report hearing. He said he's completed 100 hours of community service and 7 of his 52 domestic violence classes. The judge was satisfied and scheduled another hearing for February 18. [TMZ]
• Rihanna said in a radio interview that she misses Chris Brown and still listens to his songs when they come on the radio. [TMZ]
• Mark Heller thinks Kate Major's breach of contract lawsuite against his client Jon Gosselin is laughable. "Kate knows Jon Gosselin is like Obama's stimulus package. Every time she needs money, she cashes in on the few days she knew Jon Gosselin," he said. [Perez Hilton]
• Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate, Michelle Ross, testified today against the Ohio police chief accused of breaking into her home. She said that while she was living in a motel, someone broke into her home in Ohio and stole ultrasound pictures, surrogacy files, tax information, and a plaster cast of her belly from when she was pregnant with her own son. [AP]
• Amy Winehouse's father Mitch was asked to be on I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here, but he says, "When I told Amy I had the interview, she went mad - she says, 'You're not doing it dad,' she wouldn't let me do it." [The Mirror]
• Levi Johnston sees a lot of himself in his son Tripp. "He is very funky," Johnston says. "He's got a lot of energy. He's always looking to mess things up, break things. He's crazy." [People]
• BMI, which enforces music royalties, claims an Idaho bar has been playing songs by artists including John Fogerty and Taylor Swift without permission. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus is still dating Liam Hemsworth, her co-star in The Last Song. "I've never gotten along with someone so well," says Miley. "I was a little anxious about making this movie; I wanted everything to be perfect. To go on set and feel insecure was a totally new element for me. But he felt the same way. He admitted his insecurities, and it was really nice to have someone who understands me for once." [People]
• When Sofia Vergara was asked why she joked about rape on The View yesterday, she just laughed. [TMZ]
• Did James Franco pretend to text to get out of an awkward situation? [N.Y. Magazine]
• David Beckham ws wearing a walking boot on his right boot because he suffered a "tender foot" after receiving a "series of knocks." A rep says he's already better. [TMZ]
• The LAPD has received numerous noise complaints about Paris Hilton in the five months that she's been living with Doug Reinhardt and they say the next time anyone in the house breaks the law there will be "tickets or arrests." [TMZ]
• Levi Johnston was invited to appear on DWTS, but he says, "I'm not sure it's my thing." [Extra]
• Drew Barrymore and Justin Long are still together, but she kicked him out of her house because, "Drew really had it with being Justin's babysitter at home," says a source. "And it's not just that he made a mess, it's his attitude. He gets mopey and is a big-time couch potato. She isn't thrilled about seeing this side of him." [Star]
• Forbes released a list of the most overpaid actors in Hollywood, comparing their salaries to how much their films make. Will Ferrell, Ewan McGregor, Tom Cruise, Drew Barrymore, and Leonardo DiCaprio all made the top ten. [Perez Hilton]
• Local L.A. celebrity/2003 California gubnatorial candidate Angelyne is suing the City of Los Angeles for not delivering her fan mail. [THR, Esq.]
• Lost executive producer Carlton Cuse says the series' final season will begin on February 2 at 9 pm. [N.Y.T.]
• Jim Carrey's daughter Jane married Alex Santana last weekend. "It was a beautiful day. Simple and sweet," said Carrey. "I wish them everything that love has given us." [People]
• Avril Lavigne, who recently filed for divorce from Deryck Whibley, was seen out with Wilmer Valderama. [People]
• Steven Tyler's Aerosmith bandmates are suggesting that he may be abusing drugs again. "I think that he needs help and that attention needs to be put to his health," said drummer Joey Kramer. "He's got some bad influences in his life right now and he's making poor choices." [People]
• Brigitte Bardot asked the government of Catalonia to ban bullfighting, which she called, "an incredibly sadistic spectacle." [AFP]
• ''I would never have said I believe in ghosts, until I saw one - and I've seen a ghost with my own eyes," says Sting. ''I was in bed one night, a very old house I used to live in. And I woke up at three in the morning, bolt upright, looked into the corner of the room and thought I saw Trudie standing there with a child - our child - in her arms, staring at me. And I thought 'well, that's strange - why is she standing in a corner, staring at me?'. And I then reached next to me and there was Trudie, and I suddenly got this terrible chill. And she woke up and said 'Gosh, who is that?' and she saw this woman and a child in the corner of the room.'' [The Telegraph]
• Pedro Almodovar says he once tried to write about sadomasochism in a film script but he couldn't do it. "As I was beginning my research I found it to be so horrifying that I erased the character from the movie, because I wasn't capable," he says. "It's like having a phobia!" [AP]
• Norah Jones says when she was making her new album The Fall, "I realized, I think, what I want to do is work with some different sounds. I figured that the best way to do that was to try and step outside of my comfort zone a little bit, and work with some different musicians and a different producer. It just felt like a good time to do that." [AP]
• "People are hung up about sex and can't even talk to their children about it. I got no sex education at all, not in school or church, not at home. Some people realize that the world has changed, and others don't. When people think offensive remarks about homosexuals, it offends me. Many are offended ... it may offend their religions ... some stick to their religions. What's behind it is homophobia-the worry, the fear, the life. It's a perfectly normal, minority group of people in the world who should not be discriminated against whatsoever. People don't get it who have never met a homosexual person, or read or watch anti-gay people in the media, but when they discover that maybe their child is gay, there can be the most amazing turnaround. It means that people have to discuss the situation, and the situation is that there's no need to make life miserable for those who contribute to the community and the nation. They should be embraced." — Sir Ian McKellan [BlackBook Magazine]
• Is Robert Downey Jr. quitting acting?! "I'm fucking really good at what I do - and have been for a long time, so I don't waver on that," he says. "But here's the thing: I can only be a guy on a call sheet probably, I don't know, maybe a couple more times. It's something I'm so grateful to have in my palm, and yet I already see its inevitable decay." Or not. He adds, "If Sherlock Holmes performs well, I could be busy for the next 5 or 7 or 10 years." [EW]
• Good news for Jennifer Aniston (or so the tabloids will surely say): John Mayer sees himself getting married and having kids. "I'm pretty Norman Rockwell-like, so I can see myself in that setting," he says. "But I might also have expectations in life that don't match my behavior in life. I mean, I'm a musician who travels the world playing songs to thousands of people at the same time — and yet sometimes I believe that I'm going to be able to blacktop a driveway and drop kids off to school. I think they're both going to have to give a little bit." [CNN]
• Melissa Joan Hart says she and her husband Mark Wilkerson, "Actually prefer date lunches. Date nights, we're always tired, and we figure if the kids are in bed then we're just wasting our time, so we really like lunches. We get the nanny to come over and we go out to lunch and have a blast." [People]
• Chaz Bono says getting a sex change is the best decision he ever made: "Life is short and life is precious. This is who I am. I need to finally be who I am," said Bono. "To me, gender is between your ears, not between your legs. I've felt male as far back as I can remember." [AP]
• Olivia Wilde says she enjoyed working with her husband Tao Ruspoli on his documentary Fix because, "The most important element of the relationship between an actor and a director is trust, and because we have that build in to our relationship, I felt incredibly comfortable being directed by Tao. I was able to take risks, improvise, be completely un-selfconscious, without worrying about whether or not the director understood my intention. No one understands me better than Tao, and therefore I felt completely liberated under his direction." [Gothamist]
• General Hospital executive producer Jill Farren Phleps says, "Everybody was so impressed," with James Franco's performance on the soap. "There was an enormous amount of respect and a lot of pleasure that the crew and the cast had in seeing this guy come and take it so seriously, do it so well and do such justice to it." [CNN]
• Dakota Fanning says she and Kristen Stewart share a passionate kiss in The Runaways. "We're playing Joan Jett and Cherie Currie and they're best friends in the film and became really close in real life," said Fanning, who explained the kiss saying, "That's something that went down back in the '70s." [Us]

• Amy Winehouse was supposedly in the hospital because she was sick, but now her dad says:

"It wasn't because she had a cold. She's fine, she just had a little [pointing to his chest] leaky something or other." All together now: What kind of fuckery is this? [The Sun]

• Mariah Carey is supposed to turn on the Christmas lights at a shopping mall in London, and has asked for 20 white kittens and 100 white doves as well as confetti shaped like butterflies to shower her after she emerges from a Rolls-Royce driven on a pink carpet to a podium where she will wave a wand to turn on the lights. A source says: "We did manage to source the doves that we were going to release into the sky, but the kittens proved terribly difficult. In the end, it was made clear that due to health and safety, there was no way we could have the animals." [Telegraph]
• Brad Pitt declined an invitation to the October 31 Grand Prix Ball Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates — even though he was offered $5 million to attend. He went trick-or-treating with his kids instead. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Levi Johnston "made a big show" of sitting in first class. [Page Six]
• Kirsten Dunst is windswept on the cover of Allure, and inside she says that she and ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal do not keep in touch: "It would be nice to see him," she says. "But we're not good friends." [Us Magazine via Allure]
• In this Q&A, Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke talks about casting Robert Pattinson as Edward, the "electricity" between Rob and Kristen Stewart when they auditioned for her, the sexytimes the cast got into ("You have this hot, young cute sexy cast and you're out of town at hotels. It's going to happen") and her encouraging RPattz to work out: "He's a Brit and they hit the pubs all the time. They don't look too kindly to gyms." She also says that when he first got cast, there were pix of him out and looking like a slob, and fans of the book were upset that he was Edward Plus: "One day he came to me and said, I got this email forwarded to me about how revolting I am. I said, Rob, you cannot read these things. Don't torture yourself. And he said, I didn't. My mother forwarded that to me." [Time]
• Robert Pattinson was at a signing, where "you kind of get 10 seconds with each person and you never really say anything and I kind of got bored of saying, 'Hey, how are you doing?'" So then: "[A fan] said in her 10 seconds, 'What can I do to get your attention?' I was like um, just take your clothes off." What do you think happened? "She stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security. I never felt more terrible." [People]
• Is Nicolas Cage broke because of bad judgment? Or because he lived in a house with bad juju? The manager Cage sued in October countersued last week, claiming he warned Cage not to buy castles in England and Bavaria and that Cage ignored him. The guy claims he told Cage he would need to earn $30 million a year to maintain his lifestyle. But! Cage once owned the notorious LaLaurie House in New Orleans, where a doctor and his wife tortured slaves. According to legend, "Many people have lived there since, but every inhabitant moved out within months or suffered tragedy and death." [Page Six]
• Oprah Winfrey's sit-down with Sarah Palin was the highest rated Oprah show in two years… since the entire Osmond family appeared in 2007. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "Victoria Beckham Loves Sex and Salad, Not Burgers." [Us Magazine]
• Asked if she prefers sleep or sex in an interview with Allure, Posh responded: "Sex! I'm getting into bed with David Beckham every night, so, you know, there'd be something wrong if I said 'sleep.'" [The Sun]
• Taylor Swift is suing a sports bar for using her music without permission. [TMZ]
• Janet Jackson's label is putting a lot of effort and cash into promoting her greatest hits album, because they quietly signed her to a new contract next month. [Gatecrasher]
• Leighton Meester needs a doctor who makes house calls. Don't we all? [Gatecrasher]
• Carrie Prejean has been asking Donald Trump for advice; he suggests: "she should become a major porn star, make millions of dollars, and give it to worthy causes." [Page Six]
• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps is dating author Coerte Felske, a "handsome blond," who will be in Real Housewives Of NYC. [Page Six]
• Will Ferrell is Hollywood's most overpaid star, thanks to Land Of The Lost, which cost $100 million and made "only" $65 million. Surely he is trapped in a glass box of emotion right now. [Reuters]
• Brad Whitford, guitarist in Aerosmith, thinks Steven Tyler might be on something: "I suspect there's a lot more going on than we know about. He has a well-documented history of drug abuse, and I find myself very suspicious. I haven't seen him do this or ... have any personal knowledge, but the isolation is very typical of addictive behavior, and his — what I call — irrational behavior." [Reuters]
• Shaquille O'Neal is curating his first art show, titled 'Size DOES Matter.'" [Page Six]
• 50 Cent has opted for tattoo removal. "I took 'em off," he says. I've been on a few acting projects and they been making me get up… My call time is four hours before the regular acting talent because of the tattoos. I've got a project I'm supposed to be doing with Nicolas Cage, called The Dance, it's a boxing film… when you're a fighter you're sweating and with a whole bunch of make-up on and stuff like that, it doesn't look real to me." [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Hudson will play Winnie Mandela in an upcoming film; she says: "I was compelled and moved when I read the script. Winnie Mandela is a complex and extraordinary woman, and I'm honored to be the actress asked to portray her." Of course, she will also do what she does best: Sing the flick's theme song. [Gatecrasher via Variety]
• Heather Locklear's return to Melrose Place gave the ratings a small boost, so she'd better not end up dead in the pool. [NY Post]
• Sherri Shepherd and MVP are so on. [Gatecrasher]
• Joe Francis has tax problems. Serious tax problems. The IRS wants $33,819,087.14 [TMZ]
• Wait, Faye Dunaway owes $1920 in back rent? How much is her rent? How many months is that? [TMZ]
• Hamish Hamilton, who directed the MTV Video Music Awards, will direct the 2010 Academy Awards. Kanye's gonna let him finish… [MSNBC Scoop]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor is okay, her husband insists. "My wife is not dying — it is ridiculous… he gets all the tabloids and she sees the things and she just smiles. She says, 'Tell them I'm still alive.'" [ET]
• "[I decided to do the Tonight Show because of] how shitty it is just trying to develop comedy right now. How dumb ideas are seeming to be rewarded. How a lot of the networks seem to have basically thrown in the towel on comedy and said ‘We just basically don't know what we're doing or what works,' and we just kind of have more stuff where the dad's kind of a jerk, the mom knows best, and everybody just kind of insults each other for half an hour and at the end everybody says they love each other and tune in next week for it all to start again." — Andy Richter. [NY Mag]
• "I was always aware of acting. I remember watching movies on TV when I was young, thinking, 'Oh, come on, that isn't acting.'" — John Malkovich. [Spectator]
• "I've never seen it and nor will I ever. It's a cult. I don't believe in it." — Miley Cyrus, on Twilight. [MSNBC]
• "After we were done, I was like, 'Wow, America is so poor. Just the towns you come across — all that's there are restaurants and gas stations. There are beautiful stretches of pasture, but for the most part, people live simply. The East and West Coast are so different from the rest of America." — Kirsten Dunst and a friend took an "eye-opening cross-country road trip. [Us Magazine via Allure]
• "Having a girlfriend is like playing whiffle ball. Being married is the war in Iraq." — Jerry Seinfeld. [Page Six]
• "There are females doing it, theatrical and a bit over the top. Lady Gaga, Pink, Christina Aguilera — they all put on a show in the spirit of Madonna, dressing up and creating a theme. But there hasn't been a guy do it for a while. In the '70s and '80s there were a lot of artists that did it but for some reason it kind of fizzled out." — Adam "Glambert" Lambert. [Reuters]
• "That image to me seemed really striking and kind of wild. I felt I looked almost inhuman. It was that whole David Bowie-Ziggy Stardust thing where you think he is an alien. It is a weird image and I liked that it was weird. I am weird. I'm nice. But I'm weird. Maybe eccentric is a better word. I'll pick that label." — Glambert, on his album cover. [Reuters]
• "It's funny because Spanish people have no problem with nudity at all… And English people obviously do have the most enormous problem with it. Little things, like when I saw my father getting changed for swimming, I was traumatized by it… I kind of freaked out a bit. [I would get naked for a role but] I think it would depend on what it is. And I don't think a lot of people would really want to see that. I think it would ruin the illusion!" — Robert Pattinson. [NY Daily News]
• "Luke and I are engaged and we'll get married when I want to. But he isn't even 21 yet, so he can't drink in America, so what's the point in getting married until he can?" — good point, Kelly Osbourne. [The Sun]

• Robert Pattinson took Kristen Stewart to a "secret" dinner with his parents. So secret that this Britloid knows about it!

Apparently the Sparkle Vamp's mom and dad "got on like a house on fire" with Kristen. Perhaps eventually these kids will be "ENGAGED!" like Ok! declared in September. [The Sun]

• At a New Moon press conference, Dakota Fanning "struggled to look interested." And: "Her wide-set eyes sometimes drifted to the middle distance as her co-stars answered questions. Even her responses to the adoring crowd of movie buffs and reporters felt uninspired." Maybe she was tired? [The Daily Beast]
• New Moon actor Kellan Lutz was declined entrance to his own movie party. [Page Six]
• Rihanna is dating Tristan Wilds, whom you may know from 90210… Or as Michael on The Wire. [Gatecrasher]
• "Jon Gosselin signed a secret, hand-written contract with Kate Major, hiring her as his personal assistant, promising to pay her a percentage of his "accounts" and spelling out that she would not talk about their relationship." [Radar Online]
• Bijou Phillips doesn't want to attend the premiere of her film Made For Each Other, because she might have to answer embarrassing questions, in the wake of half-sister Mackenzie's incest revelations. [Page Six]
• MTV has bought the rights to air Michael Jackson's This Is It beginning in 2011. Meaning: There will actually be music on MTV! [NY Post]
• Evan Chandler, 65, the father of Jordan "Jordy" Chandler — who accused Michael Jackson of molestation — killed himself via a gun to the head earlier this month. He was reportedly suffering from a serious illness, though the ailment was not named. [NY Post]
• Penelope Cruz was on David Letterman's show last night, and refused to admit if she was engaged: "I've been here a few times with you, you know I'm tough. One thing I don't do, I don't lie about my personal life," she said. "It's sacred to me. It's my life. But I don't give details about it because I am allergic to that." [People]
• Tina Fey went to the unveiling of Barneys New York's SNL-themed holiday windows, and the papier-mâché Sarah Palin hanging in the window "started spinning around uncontrollably," which was alarming. [WWD]
• Gerard Butler doesn't read gossip. He says: "I try and stay away from anything anybody sends me, some clips or articles that tell me what's going on… I normally tell them to leave me alone and to not remind me. But it's normally when I'm doing press someone will say 'oh so, is it true about...' - and that's when I catch up on all my rumors, when I'm doing press junkets." [Mirror]
• Michael Musto's interview with Levi Johnston is Hi. Larious. MM asks if Levi's junk is "really the Alaska pipeline" and Levi claims he's no Kevin Federline, because "I'm a country singer-I'm not gonna be no rapper." [Village Voice: La Dolce Musto]
• Beth Ditto was asked what she was doing in Paris. She replied, "I am trying to be really cool." Then she did a cover of "I Will Always Love You," the Dolly Parton song made famous by Whitney Houston, saying, "it's my favorite song." [WWD]
• Carrie Prejean is threatening to sue Vivid Entertainment if the company releases photos or videos of her "solo sex tape." [TMZ]
• Frances Bean Cobain has Bard at the top of her list of colleges. [Gatecrasher]
• Does Charlie Gibson bad-mouth fellow ABC anchor Diane Sawyer? [Page Six]
• Jennifer Lopez's ex, Ojani Noa, claims he's getting death threats after trying to sell a book and "steamy" home video of J. Lo. [Page Six]
• Adam Lambert, aka Glambert, is on the cover of Out magazine — with Wanda Sykes, Cyndi Lauper, Lt. Dan Choi and Rob Marshall — and the editor's letter suggests his record label didn't want him to be on the magazine solo, because that would be "too gay." The EIC writes: "It's only because this cover is a group shot that includes a straight woman that your team would allow you to be photographed at all…" Is this the same record label that okayed this shot? And this one? [MSNBC Scoop]
• I can't figure out if this story about Hulk Hogan being attacked at a press conference is real or a wrestling stunt. And isn't Ric Flair retired? All I know is that there's a hip hop song named after him. Ric Flair wittit! Woo! Yeah so anyway: Hulk was bleeding from the head after the "attack" and there's a picture. [News.com.au]
• Aaron Eckhart and Molly Sims: Dating. [People]
• The Bob Saget reality show actually sounds interesting. [NY Post]
• Whoa. Avril Lavigne is dating Wilmer Valderrama? Okay. Does she know that in a radio interview with Howard Stern, he talked about how Mandy Moore was a virgin until he met her? He's also been linked to Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ashlee Simpson. [Life & Style]
• A-Rod has given Kate Hudson a ring, but it's not an engagement ring, it's a $39,000 white-gold ring to thank her for her support of the Yankees. Allegedly. [Gatecrasher]
• Celebrities can make money off of Twitter? Damn. [NY Post]
• Oprah's homeslice Nate Berkus is about to sign a deal to star in his own syndicated daytime talk show. [NY Post]
• Wall Street 2 costars Carey Mulligan and Shia LaBeouf are totes in love. [Gatecrasher]
• John Travolta and Robin Williams became good friends after crashing a wedding in 1977; now they're in their first joint film, Old Dogs. Apparently, at some point in the movie, Travolta and Williams mix up their medications. Travolta's face turns into a Joker-like smile, while Williams' tongue grows to the size of a dill pickle. "That scene, I've probably laughed harder than I ever have," Travolta says. "I knew I wanted to do the movie when I read that part. I'd pay $10 to see that scene." Maybe because you're a millionaire? [USA Today]
• The interwebs have been buzzing about the banned Enrique Iglesias video, "Sad Eyes," in which our hero indulges in phone sex, then picks up a hooker… The pole/phallic imagery is not to be missed. And if you haven't seen it yet, you can, at the link. [Buzzfeed]
• This column is all about Rose McGowan's face. [NY Daily News]
• Rod Stewart's lawyers want $3,309,871.34 in back legal fees. [TMZ]
• The IRS wants over $1 million from Aaron Carter. [NY Post]
• Thirty-six items of clothing Audrey Hepburn wore on and off the screen from 1953 to the late '60s — along with accessories and letters — will be auctioned in London next month. [NY Post]
• Gloria Estefan lost a $220,00 Bulgari diamond bracelet getting out of a car in Miami, but her husband found it. [Page Six]
• "Slumdog Millionaire star Anil Kapoor says he and Danny Boyle will ensure the kids from the movie go to school to earn their trust funds." [Page Six]
• "We're in two minds. Damian doesn't want us to add to our family under any circumstances. He wants to remain the golden prince. He says, ‘Mummy, our family is big enough.' We toy with it but we're not sure." — Liz Hurley is not sure if she is going to have more kids; her son certainly doesn't want her to. [Daily Express]
• "I'm going to make a film on Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. It won't be a so-called David Lynch film, really; it will be about Maharishi and the knowledge he brought out. It'll hold a lot of abstractions. We're on our way to India in December to start the India part of it." — David Lynch. NY Mag]
• "It's scary on the one hand because we have really big shoes to fill — for God's sake, Marcia won a Tony for this role! On the other hand, there aren't a lot of great, great, great roles, especially for women, especially for older women, of which I am one. And I'm a stage actor primarily. I always have been, even though I took a break, but that's how I got my training before I began - eighteen years of stage in New York. Yes, it's daunting: We'll all be compared to the other cast. It doesn't matter - I don't read reviews, I don't care what other people say. At this stage of my career, there are no career moves anymore. I just think when a part like this comes along, you've got to grab it." — Christine Lahti is taking over Marcia Gay Harden's role in God Of Carnage. [NY Mag]
• "Farrah's and my relationship was based on a deep love and respect for one another and for our son Redmond… After discussing how her financial affairs would be handled in the event of her passing, we agreed that our son Redmond would be the primary beneficiary of her estate," he goes on. "These were Farrah's wishes and I am perfectly happy with them." — Ryan O'Neal doesn't care that he's not in Farrah's will. [Us Magazine]
• "During shooting I tried to not go onto the Internet at all if possible. I started to pay attention to fan reaction to the trailers that have been out and what kind of stuff they like, just in order to get a temperature of where things were heading. I think you end up being a politician responding to polls if you pay too much attention to the Internet. Because it's a quick way to convince yourself that one particular person who happens to be Twittering at the moment just happens to be the authority. I try to put out fires when bizarre rumors get started. One rumor I addressed was that the Volturi scenes were supposed to be set in a bathhouse with everyone naked." —Twilight director Chris Weitz. [Techland]
• "I watch Twilight and New Moon and I think, Gosh, there are a million lines that I wish were in it that aren't. You can't be expected to capture the book - what you are expected to do is capture an essence. That's always subjective. It's something that eternally worries me, but at the same time you have to suppress those thoughts. You would be playing a really disjointed character if you were taking everyone's considerations. It's impossible to please everyone. As long as they know that you are working hard, as hard as you can, I think the actual fans of the book accept that and appreciate that." — Kristen Stewart. [Time]
• "When I was reading the books, I felt so bad for Jacob's character. I was, like, 'Wow, he can't get the girl he wants and he's being shut down and used.' But now that I'm actually filming it and living this character, I feel so much worse." — Taylor Lautner, aka Twilight's Buff Werewolf, when interviewed earlier this year. [LA Times]
• "I felt pretty goofy stepping out into the sunlight in front of 2,000 people in a town square, ripping my clothes off. I was essentially doing a striptease. But here's the irony, it was also one of the moments where I've really felt closest to people's emotional attachment to Edward... It was quite uplifting and it was also very nerve-wracking." — Robert Pattinson. Mirror]

Palin's Oprah appearance was in some ways disappointing, as she buttered up her host and hewed closely to talking points already leaked from the book. Things really only got interesting when she let her guard down and started calling Levi "Ricky Hollywood." Going Rogue is much the same story. Don't read the book for Palin's lengthy descriptions of Alaska energy policy (short version: she believes she helped usher in a "mutually beneficial relationship between government and industry") or for her recommendations for the future of America (short version: Reaganomics). Don't read it for her justifications of her resignation (we've heard them all before) or even for her explanation of how she would have managed her role in the McCain campaign differently (even she acknowledges that they probably still would've lost). Read it for the insults. Or, better yet, just read the insults, and save yourself $28.99.

On anti-corporate liberals (aka Commies):

In national politics, some feel that Big Business is always opposed to the Little Guy. Some people seem to think a profit motive is inherently greedy and evil, and that what's good for business is bad for people. (That's what Karl Marx thought too.)

On Ashley Judd:

One animal rights group recruited a perky, pretty celebrity to attack our scientifically-controlled, state-managed wolf-control program. It was ironic that she opposed using guns to kill predators that would cause Native people to starve, but apparently not opposed to taking movie roles in which she'd use guns to kill predatory people.

On John Kerry:

I recalled Senator John Kerry's comment to California college students in 2006: "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. And if you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."
What a loon, I thought. What an elitist loon.

On Vogue readers:

We were bombarded with interview requests, including, believe it or not, a Vogue magazine profile of Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius and me in a fashion shoot. [...] Since fashion trends weren't my top interest, I kept bringing the Vogue writer's questions back to national security and energy independence. That made it tough for her, as she was doing her best to write for readers who cared about the latest Fifth Avenue styles and probably wouldn't be caught dead in a pair of Sorels. She finally had to stop me and nicely say she had heard enough about energy. I just couldn't pivot from hydropower to high fashion, so the interview wasn't that great for her readers, I'm sure.

On Katie Couric:

By September 29, the day of the bailout vote, we had fallen behind. That bracket of time also included my seemingly endless serial chat with the lowest-rated news anchor in network television, CBS's Katie Couric. [...]

Katie asked me if I thought it was possible to "pray away gay" — to convert homosexuals to heterosexuality through prayer. Hmmm, I thought. Odd question. I don't think she really wanted to hear my answer because she interrupted me five times as I tried to give it. The badgering had begun. This is really annoying me, I thought. Then she asked me about abortion and the morning-after pill twelve times. Twelve different times.
I answered as graciously and as patiently as I could. Each time, I reiterated my pro-life, pro-woman, pro-adoption position. But no matter how many ways I tried to say it, Katie responded by asking the question again in a slightly different way. I began to feel like I was in the movie Groundhog Day. [...]

I felt sick about the depths to which some in the press had apparently sunk, not because it was unfair to me and John, but because it was unfair to the American electorate.

On cap-and-trade policies:

As more and more Americans understand that cap and trade is an environmentalist Ponzi scheme in which only the government benefits, they will refuse to tolerate it.

On Levi Johnston:

[Track Palin] talked about watching his sister be humiliated on national television as her former boyfriend went on his fact-free kiss-and-tell media tour. Track knew the kid was making things up.

On the Democratic party:

There are many fine Democrat public servants, but sadly many in the party have moved increasingly to the left, and often the beating heart of their political warfare has been the personal destruction of their enemies. Generally speaking, after decades of failed social policies and weak national security positions, the party doesn't have a strong base of success from which to win political arguments. So it targets people instead of ideas.

And finally, epically, on the media:

[...] I will state this complaint for the record: what used to be called "mainstream" national media are, in many respects, worthless as a source of factual information anymore. The sin of omission glares in their reporting. Perhaps national press outlets just don't have the resources anymore to devote to balanced coverage. Perhaps they've all just given up on themselves, so we've given up on them too, except to treat their shoddy reporting like a car crash — sometimes you just have to look. The time has come to acknowledge that it is counterfeit objectivity the liberal media try to sell consumers. A period in the great American experiment has passed. We are moving into a new, more intelligent realm to gather information differently in order to hold our government accountable. Thank God there are still a few credible broadcasters on cable news, plus informative talk radio, common sense blogs, and some fine, fact-based print publications. Beware of the left's attempt to silence these — as they have already with the bogus "Fairness Doctrine," which attempts to blunt the force of conservative talk radio — and join me in being all over it when censoring efforts crop up.

Of course, there's more in Going Rogue, from a detailed list of complaints against McCain staffers who attempted to police Palin to an argument that parental notification laws for abortion offer young girls "support and protection" to an explanation of Palin's views on evolution (she believes in it, sort of). But really, her constant criticism of the "liberal media" for its attacks on her is somewhat hypocritical, since attacking others is actually her best skill. Of course, it's hard to tell where Palin ends and ghostwriter Lynn Vincent begins, but ever since her comment that "a small-town mayor is sort of like a 'community organizer,' except that you have actual responsibilities," she's set herself up as a contemporary poet of the dis. She doesn't always have her facts straight, but she knows how to turn the knife, and it's when so turning that she seems most authentically herself. On Oprah, Palin didn't rule out starting her own talk show, and perhaps she'll yet become the next Glenn Beck or Bill O'Reilly, offering her sharp if oddly-hewn barbs in response to what she sees as liberal media attacks. Because even though she says she wanted to give a message of unity in her nixed concession speech, what Sarah Palin really excels at is good, old-fashioned mudslinging.

Going Rogue: An American Life [Amazon]

1.) Chris Brown loves women.
He appeared on The Wendy Williams Show today to continue The Remorse Tour '09.

2.) The Unveiling of Charla Nash
Charla—who had her hands and face gruesomely torn off by her friend's pet chimp—was interviewed by Oprah this week. Her eyes were lost in the attack, so she hasn't seen what she looks like.

Also, while I generally love primates, the one who attacked Charla looks like an asshole.

3.) Slade's smiley

4.) Ben Affleck's cameo on Curb Your Enthusiasm
If you blink, you'll miss him.

5.) Tabloid stars collide

On The Insider this week, Jon Gosselin was giving Levi Johnston some "parenting advice." Earlier in the week on the same show, he went into some detail about his responsibility as a parent.

And he also talked shit on Kate's hair and kissing skills.

6.) Speaking of hair…
This kid has been suspended from school for getting an elaborate design shaved into his head. He is not allowed to return unless he shaves the rest of his head. His parents are supporting his "freedom of expression." Judging from the way he speaks, this kid needs a lot more school, and a little less expression.

7.) Men blame everything on our periods!

8.) This:

9.) Stephanie Pratt is growing on me.

10.) "It's important for women to stick together."
Faux-minism is not the answer for tackling double standards, when you don't even know what "double standards" are.

According to the AP, Palin never mentions her daughter's Playgirl-posing baby-daddy in her 413 page book. Instead, she focuses on her favorite target: the "liberal" media. In what sounds like an especially nasty section, Palin says she initially "felt sorry" for Katie Couric because a McCain aide told her that Couric was suffering from low self-esteem. But instead of thanking Palin for her pity, Couric "badgered" her, focusing on "gotcha" moments over more "substantive" issues. Palin also claims that Couric was the ignorant one, whose lack of knowledge about energy politics left Palin wondering what newspapers she read. Palin also has some choice words for Charlie Gibson — he "peered skeptically" at her like a principal during their interview, yet also refused to talk about "substantive issues."

But the real villains of Going Rogue may be McCain's operatives. Palin said they stuck her with a $50,000 bill for her vetting process after the campaign was over, an interesting claim given that many at the time wondered if she had been vetted at all. The McCain campaign's lawyer denies that Palin was ever billed. Palin also complains that even though she rewrote the statement prepared for her about her daughter's pregnancy, TV anchors read the McCain camp's version anyway, which she felt "glamorized and endorsed her daughter's situation." It's tempting to wonder what kind of condemnation Palin had in mind for her daughter's pregnancy, but Bristol may be lucky that the McCain campaign, and not her mother, controlled her public shaming.

In general, the leaked info makes Going Rogue sound like vintage Palin — she's still trying live in her own version of reality, and she's mad when anyone challenges it. At a Nov. 6 Wisconsin appearance, closed to both press and cameras, she apparently claimed that Obama had made the decision to move the phrase "in God we trust" from the front of the new dollar coin to the edge. But this bit of heinous God-marginalizing was actually enacted by Republicans in Congress. And on the healthcare bill, she told her Facebook friends, "Look closely at the provisions mandating bureaucratic panels that will be calling the shots regarding who will receive government health care. Look closely at provisions addressing illegal aliens' health care coverage too" — sinister yet meaningless recommendations.

The population of Palin-world may be dwindling — Time's Mark Halperin says "the smart money [is] betting that Palin won't be a contender for 2012" — but Palin remains this strange land's defiant queen. In her Oprah appearance, slated to air Nov. 16, she claims the McCain camp totally approved of her performance in the Couric interview: "The campaign said, right on. Good. You're showing your independence." In a statement that pretty much sums up how Sarah Palin views the world, a former senior campaign official says, "No sentient person would look at that and say that."

Palin's Book Tells Of Trouble On GOP Ticket [AP, via NPR]
Leaks Launch Palin's 'Going Rogue' With That Ol' Campaign Fervor [Washington Post]
AP: Palin Book Goes After McCain Camp But Not Levi [AP]
The Rogue Returns: On The Road With Sarah Palin [Time]

• Could Michael Lohan go to jail for the phone calls he's been leaking?

Apparently Dina Lohan has had a protective order since 2005 — and it bans Michael Lohan from communicating with Dina by email or phone through 2011. One of the calls is supposedly from 2008, meaning Michael definitely violated the order. [TMZ]

• A "source" on Nicole Kidman's face at the Country Music Awards: "She looked freakish; She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan." [Page Six]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating! Director Catherine Hardwicke says so! But she says: "It didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film," since KStew was 18. Now that she's 19, it's on! TWILIGHT IS REAL ZOMG SPARKLEVAMP 4EVA BITE ME. [Us]
• Because he is awesome, Johnny Depp has offered to take care of Nicolas Cage's debts. Apparently Johnny was a struggling musician when he met Nic in the '80s, and Nic sent Johnny to his agent, who cast Johnny in Nightmare On Elm Street. [Daily Express]
• Levi Johnston had his Playgirl shoot yesterday, which involved a hockey stick and, naturally, nudity. Levi's manager Tank Jones says: "The shoot was fantastic! People are going to see more of Levi than they thought." Grrrreat. There's another shoot today; may we suggest a moose-skin rug? Or an igloo? [Us]
• Levi Johnston says he sees his upcoming memoir becoming a movie. "I would play myself," he says, naturally. [Gatecrasher]
• As previously mentioned, Chris Brown went to a Footaction store on Wednesday, and was heckled. A woman shouted, "I hope someone beats the fucking shit out of you!" Today Chris will be on Wendy Williams saying he's been "perceived wrong" and I'm definitely remorseful, and it's not something that I take lightly or think that it's, like, under the rug." [Page Six]
• Before the Country Music Awards, Wynonna Judd said Taylor Swift's nomination for Entertainer Of The Year was "too much too soon… I want kids to earn it." But now she says: "My intent was not to take anything from her talent and contributions to the country music industry… Taylor is a beautiful, hard working young woman that deserves the success she has had and I support her as an artist and as a woman in the business." Sure, sure. [Us Magazine]
• Lily Allen has hurt her foot after falling while carrying a suitcase down a flight of stairs. [The Sun]
• DVR alert: Kathy Griffin will be on Law & Order SVU. [TV Guide]
• Balloon Dad Richard Heene turned himself in yesterday and was released on a $5000 bond. [ET]
• Richard Heene will plead guilty to felony charges, his lawyer claims. Mayumi Heene will plead guilty to false reporting to authorities — a misdemeanor. Is there a law against making everyone worry? [NY Post]
• Amy Winehouse is working with a Miami-based producer on her third record, but her visa issues keep her from traveling. [The Sun]
• If you would like to see a mug shot of Cindy Crawford's alleged blackmailer, click the link. He's a former model who took a photograph he found in Cindy's nanny's room, and the pic shows Cindy's daughter bound and gagged for a "prank." [TMZ]
• Nadya Suleman would like for you to know that she is a competent mother. [Us]
• Some guy is auctioning off Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's marriage certificate from when they tied the knot in the Dominican Republic in 1994. The names Jackson + Presley = ca$h. [Perez]
• 20-year-old Daniel Radcliffe smoked pot and a party and it is "news." [Mirror]
• Geena Davis has gained weight and it is "news." [NY Daily News]
• Whoa — Emmy Rossum met Adam Duritz via Twitter? [People]
• BREAKING: Vivica A. Fox and 50 Cent are no longer pissed at each other. [Page Six]
• Rumors abounded but now it's official: Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane are expecting their first child. [Gatecrasher]
• In this video, David Beckham talks about playing with the LA Galaxy today, which means missing an England vs. Brazil game. [Guardian]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $20,000 by British club promoters who claim she accepted money but then did not appear at an event, saying she had a nosebleed. No, really. [NY Post]
• Aerosmith's management reportedly asked Steven Tyler to perform in a wheelchair. "I just wouldn't do it," Tyler told Rolling Stone. Not even if you were contractually obligated to do the gig and hurt yourself acting crazy on stage? Hmm. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Tori Amos' fantasy band would have Janis Joplin on vocals, Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, Bootsy Collins on bass and Zeppelin's John Bonham on drums. [Independent]
• In "10 Questions For Tony Hawk," the skateboarder says: "I don't want to name names. I'm just saying many Olympic sports require less physical effort and less talent than skateboarding." [Time]
• Chris Mann wrote the Three's Company tell-all book Come and Knock on Our Door, and served as consulting producer on NBC's behind-the-scenes movie about Company. On his blog, he writes that before John Ritter died, he was asked about Suzanne Somers' supposed breast cancer, and Ritter said: "We don't know if Suzanne has cancer or not, because she lies." [Retroality.tv]
• Jon & Kate is being replaced by Cake Boss, a show that seems super scripted but still pretty funny. And unlike those weird "challenge" cake shows, the cakes actually look edible and delicious. [NY Post]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor has tax problems. Will she have to move to the country and live on a farm with a pig named Arnold? Oh wait. That was Eva. Anyway, Bernard Madoff is to blame for this. [TMZ]
• Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009 airs December 19, and will feature the best holiday sketches from the show's 35-year history. [NY Post]
• TMZ lifted images from Radar Online. [Page Six]
• The Coen brothers are remaking True Grit, with Josh Brolin instead of John Wayne. [NY Daily News]
• "Look, I really am the last British actor who's not in any of the Harry Potter films. I was looking for something I could do that would make me cool in the eyes of my daughter." — Michael Sheen, of Frost/Nixon and, more importantly, New Moon. He also says: "I had to say to my daughter, 'I heard someone talking about this character Aro in these books. Do you know anything about that?' And she said, 'Yes, he's the leader of the Volturi and he reads people's minds. Are you playing him?' Of course I said, 'no, no, no'. When it was all worked out, she cried. Then she hit me." [Independent]
• It feels weird to do interviews because I don't understand why anyone wants to talk to me. There were all these other guys in high school that were bigger, funnier, and more handsome than I was, so why do you care about what I have to say? You should ask them." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I'm not aware of any fans. I do nothing to live in secrecy, but I really don't get recognized anywhere. Though I was walking my dog recently when someone yelled, 'Hey, Jason!' They said it so sweetly that I turned around and said, 'Hey!' Then they said, 'Fuck you, you asshole!' and drove away." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I had friends growing up, but I struggled to feel like I really fit in. If I was invited to a party, I would just end up sitting on a couch or standing in a corner by myself. But it wasn't like I was getting beat up or anything. I wish I had gotten beaten up, because at least that would've justified why I felt so homesick all the time, even though I was home." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "Susan Boyle is a lovely gracious woman, and I took advantage of that by poking fun at her." — Sharon Osboune, who, a week ago, said SuBo looked like she'd been hit by a "fucking ugly stick." [NY Post]
• We were disappointed, but we understand. He's only 1. But we were in Alaska and have plenty of footage of Trig." — Barbara Walters wanted to have Sarah Palin's grandson Trig in the studio, but he has a cold and couldn't make it. [Page Six]
• "It's disgusting that people would say those things. My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady. There's gonna be a time when I'm way curvier, and that'll be sexy, too." — Ashlee Simpson is tired of people calling Jessica Simpson fat. Ashlee also says her husband loves her body:"Pete isn't worried about stretch marks," she says. "He always makes me feel good." [Gatecrasher]
• "I have half-a-dozen close friends and Mariah is among the dearest. I flatter myself that the relationship is reciprocal: Mariah and I share a strong, sisterly friendship. She signs off all her letters to me with the affectionate endearment: 'Your sis, M.' Though she is stupendously rich and I am relatively poor, it is a friendship of equals. She visits me in my small home; I am a frequent guest at her various mansions and holiday villas all over the world." — from a piece written by a former MTV host who stayed friends with Mariah Carey after meeting her through work. [Daily Mail]
• "There are so many young girls wearing too much makeup, too much hairspray — I find that very dated." — Victoria Beckham. [Gatecrasher via Harper's Bazaar UK]

Synergy!

• According to documents filed by the FBI and U.S. Attorney's office today, an acquaintance of Cindy Crawford's former nanny threatened to sell a picture of her 7-year-old daughter bound to a chair in revealing clothing.

• Cindy Crawford's rep has issued a statement saying she and her husband Rande Gerber had no knowledge of the photo and that it was taken as part of a game. [Radar Online]
• As you'll recall, Michael Lohan just released a tape in which Dina Lohan talks about Lindsay Lohan cutting herself. The tape is from last year, but Radar Online found pictures of Lindsay with new cuts on her arms from this summer. [Radar Online]
• Before running out of Crown Bar on Thursday to cry in an alley, Lindsay Lohan ordered a bottle of champagne but when she was given the bill, "Lindsay pointed over at Kellan Lutz and told the waitress just to charge his card," said a source. [Fox News]
• Someone pulled the fire alarm at Dorchester in London in the middle of the night yesterday, forcing Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner to stand out on the street. [E!]
• "If I was friends with Bella I'd be like, 'Please make life easier and date Jacob,'" said Kristen Stewart. [People]
• Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke has confirmed that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating — sort of. "After I cast him, I told Rob, Don't even think about having a romance with her. She's under 18. You will be arrested," she said. Though she "didn't have a camera in the hotel room" while they were shooting Twilight, "In terms of what Kristen told me directly, it didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film... I think it took a long time for Kristen to realize, O.K., I've got to give this a go and really try to be with this person." [Radar Online]
• Balloon Dad Richard Heene has surrendered himself to authorities. You can check out his mug shot here: [Radar Online]
• Though Donald Trump denies Carrie Prejean's accusation that he rated Miss USA contestants back stage, audio has surfaced of him implementing "The Trump Rule," in which he and his staff select the women who will automatically make it past the first round. [TMZ]
• Carrie Prejean pulled out of a talk she was supposed to give today at the Capitol Hill Club in Washington, D.C. because she didn't want to be asked about the new allegation that she was actually 20, not underage, in her sex tape. [TMZ]
• Miss California USA pageant director Keith Lewis says, "The public is finally getting a glimpse of the real Carrie Prejean who lives in her own delusional world. The childish behavior, her negative attitude, the sarcasm and condescending tone, the disrespect and continual lying she is demonstrating now is only a fraction of what we endured during her reign and after... I sincerely hope she is able to get the psychological help I believe she has shown to clearly need." [TMZ]
• Many fans are selling their tickets to Britney Spears' upcoming Melbourne and Sydney shows because they're distraught over her Australian lip synching scandal. [News.com.au]
• Britney Spears worships Satan and is hoping the "new world order" will arrive soon... or her Twitter account was hacked. [TMZ]
• This was bound to happen eventually: Levi Johnston is reaching out to Jon Gosselin saying, "He's a good guy... He's kind of in the same situation I am right now. He's a good dad and he gets a lot of bad press. He's getting the same bad image as I am and it ain't true. I can relate to that." [People]
• When asked about the size of his penis Levi Johnston said, "A lot of people ask that, but you're just going to have to wait until next week when the magazine comes out. You will have to wait and see. I'm sorry, you're going to have to." [N.Y. Magazine]
• In the video at the link Chris Brown is posing with fans at Footaction in New York when a woman in the crowd screams, "fucking beater" and "I hope someone beats the fucking crap out of you." Chris smiles and walks past her, but one of his fans yells "Smack that bitch up." [TMZ]
• Rihanna says the new music video, which will be released tomorrow, is "kind of twisted but it's going to make people think. There's a great message and story behind it. 'Russian Roulette' is all about a fear, whether it be fear of love or a fear of getting hurt, whether it be emotionally or physically." [The Mirror]
• Nicole Forrester, the stripper who claims she slept with Josh Duhamel, has apologized to Fergie. "I thought, 'Nobody's gonna find out. It's not gonna hurt anybody," she says "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't think of it at the time like I think of it now." [Extra]
• Fergie's mom, Terri Jackson, defended Josh Duhamel saying, "My daughter's life is amazing and Josh is a great guy - that story is bullshit as far as I'm concerned... It was totally ridiculous and absurd and I'm confident their marriage will weather the media storm." [Radar Online]
• Two of Nicholas Cage's New Orleans homes were auctioned today because he didn't pay the mortgages. [TMZ]
• Joe Perry says he doesn't consider Steven Tyler a part of Aerosmith anymore even though he sang with the band on Tuesday. "[Tyler] wants to take two years off from the band. The rest of the band wants to keep on working. We have so many different options to fill up that time. Anything is possible at this point," said Perry. [Contact Music]
• Tara Reid has been wearing a new pink diamond ring. She says, "I got a beautiful ring from my boyfriend for my birthday last weekend, but we're not engaged ... yet!" [People]
• Extra claims Joe Torre said Kate Hudson is "relaxing" A-Rod, but all he said was, "Somebody is relaxing him, that's all I can say, because he certainly looked like he enjoyed himself this year." [Extra]
• Leona Lewis says she's getting over being attacked by a fan because, "I'm from Hackney, so I'm hard - I'm not going to let something like that bother me." She added, "When you grow up where I did you learn to move on. There was always some kind of craziness going on in my neighborhood. The boys were always fighting each other and there was loads of street crime. I know how to look after myself." [The Mirror]
• George Hamilton has joined the cast of the UK version of I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!" [AFP]
• Check out spoilers for Big Bang Theory, Grey's Anatomy, Glee, and a slew of other network shows here: [Entertainment Weekly]
• Stephanie Pratt says her recent DUI arrest was, "The worst thing to happen to me and, at the same time, it was the biggest blessing. I learned to not fall apart, which is something that I usually do when something goes bad in my life. I learned that it is all about temptation and that I am being tested." [People]
• Court officials in Arizona say Mike Tyson punching a paparazzo at LAX yesterday may have been a violation of his probation. If it's found that he broke the law he could do 2.5 years in prison. [TMZ]
• This Is It has taken in more than $200 million worldwide in the past two weeks. [Reuters]
• John Branca and John McClain have been named the executors of Michael Jackson's estate. [TMZ]
• Listen to Lady Gaga and Beyonce's Video Phone here: [Perez Hilton]
• Robert De Niro says he's glad it took him a little while to become famous. "I think it's important to have had at least a few years of obscurity, where people treat you like everybody else," he says. "Then it goes crazy, and all of a sudden people behave differently toward you, they're agreeing with you all the time, they're not telling you no." [Parade]
• Elizabeth Hurley has a new diet trick: "I don't miss having a glass of wine because I've switched to vodka," said the hawt momma. "I don't really like vodka that much but if I'm at a party I have a small one with a lot of fizzy water and a huge squeeze of lime. Initially it's like medicine but I've got used to it now." [Perez Hilton]
• James Franco's "frequent artistic collaborator" Carter is behind his guest appearance on General Hospital. "It's for several different things," says carter. "It was an idea that I posed to him, and it's tied to another film that he and I are working on now. It's not specifically for another project, because I know that he's really enjoying the challenge of working on a soap - it's a very taxing job, and an interesting thing for him to be doing - but it does have to do with another film that he and I are working on." [Movieline]

Sporting a ferocious blow out and newly bright highlights, Palin comes off as polished, gracious, and even a little self aware.

Watch CBS News Videos Online


Winfrey asks Palin if she thought the interview with Katie Couric was a "seminal defining moment" for her.

Palin: I did not. And neither did the campaign. In fact, that is why Segment 2 and 3 and 4 and maybe 5 were scheduled. The campaign said, right on. Good. You're showing your independence. This is what America needs to see and it was a good interview. And of course I'm thinking, if you thought that was a good interview, I don't know what a bad interview is because I knew it was a bad interview.

She also implies that she would invite Levi Johnston to Thanksgiving dinner, if only he would "even consider such a thing—he is part of the family and you want to bring him in the fold and kind of under your wing."

Watch CBS News Videos Online


But perhaps most important to anyone looking for signs of Palin's political intentions is the fact that she was clearly coached to de-emphasize her soap-operatic personal life and play up some sort of work ethic:

"We don't have to keep going down this road of controversy and drama all the time. We're not really into the drama. We don't really like that. We're more productive. We have other things to concentrate on..."

Fair enough. But early word on Palin's book, Going Rogue, suggests that the stuff of actual policy isn't top among the things Palin is concentrating on. According to Marc Halperin, "Don't look for hefty policy prescriptions."

Sarah Palin On Katie Couric Interview [CBS News]
Sarah Palin: Levi Is 'Loved' [CBS]
What's In Sarah Palin's Book [The Page]

On the eve of his Playgirl shoot and right in the midst of an East Coast media blitz, Levi Johnston had the seat of honor at the Fleshbot Awards (link NSFW) at NYC's The Box last night. And in a room where nearly everyone wore a healthy sense of irony - socialite Tinsley Mortimer, being a good sport; party-weary media types; spangled, scantily clad downtown personalities on every point of the gender spectrum - Levi offered none.

To wit:

[Jezebel is] a site for women. Tell me why women should find you sexy.

I don't know.

What's sexy about you? You're going to be in this sexy shoot, right? So you must think you've got something going…

(Pause) I actually got talked into this shoot. But I worked hard to get a good body for the shoot, so…

So you feel good about that?

Yeah.

You got talked to into it – do you regret it?

No. It'll be fun.

Did you think it'd be such a big deal?

I didn't think it'd be that bad. I said as a joke that I'd do it and then it just blew up and everyone was pumped about it. So I was like, Oh, I can't let them down now so I just hit the gym and got ready for it.

Levi also clarified his stance on opinionated women - apparently, he meant women who spend a lot of money on shoes. "I don't want someone that's all up in the high end of fashion, basically. With celebrity girls, like, it's all about the high end clothing, they just think more about themselves than other people. I just kinda want a down to earth girl who can have fun. And I live in Alaska so she's gotta be able to deal with the cold.... She can be classy and spend some money on some shit but I mean there are some women out there that go crazy and spend thousands of dollars on shoes and whatever."

This is all theoretical right now, of course, at least according to Levi. Asked if there were a lot of women throwing themselves at him, he calmly conceded that there were. "Yeah, it's uh - I've learned how to say no quick. Trust me, it was hard. I mean, I was just like—there are some good looking women just throwing themselves at you, and you just have to say no." Why do you have to say no? "I'm not looking for any trouble. I'm just trying to keep my head straight now. I just don't need that right now."

Levi hasn't often been credited with sage judgment, but I think this counts. And if it's possible to keep your head screwed on straight while plunging nakedly into the media circus, he seems to be doing it. He says he doesn't read a lot of the press about him, and that it doesn't bother him when it's negative. "You got good and bad with everything you do. You can't let it get to you. You know who you are and be yourself, and you know, you can't let something get to you."

If he knows he's a plaything for tabloids and a novelty object for media liberals who are amused by his crossover from "fucking redneck" to East Coast media darling, from shotgun-marriage, red state values Republican convention prop to grinning thorn in the side of the queen of values voters - well, Levi is keeping stoic. As Justin Bond and John Cameron Mitchell — living exemplars of everything the Sarah Palins of the world find abhorrent - introduced Levi for his award for mainstream to porn crossover, they cheerfully mocked his very existence. They did give him props "for the bravery to be himself despite the pictures other people want to paint of him, and for taking control of his image and letting us all enjoy in it." I watched Levi from my table. His facial expression never changed.

Live, From The Box, It's The Fleshbot Awards! [Fleshbot - NSFW]

Earlier: Levi Johnston Wants a Woman Who's Smart, Funny, and Not Opinionated

• Dina Lohan is pissed that Michael Lohan keeps leaking recordings of Dina and Lindsay's phone calls to him. "The tapes were from a long time ago, and for a father to stoop this low is unforgivable," she says. And:

"My ex-husband has been in and out of jail for 10 years. My children and I gave him a chance to get to know them again, and he clearly blew that chance!" And: "I have had a criminal order of protection from the domestic violence sector since 2005. He was not supposed to even be harassing me by phone." Lastly, if you're still listening: "My heart is breaking for my children that he could do this. He has no visitation anymore and is six months behind in child support. The authorities have been alerted!" [E!]

• Hey, guess what? Michael Lohan has released another recording of a phone conversation between himself and Dina Lohan. She blames him for Lindsay cutting herself, and says: "It's bad." And Dina believes that "something's gonna happen" and it'll be all Michael's fault. [Radar Online]
• Rosie O'Donnell and Megan Fox are afraid of Angelina Jolie. Kristen Stewart says she doesn't want to be like Angelina Jolie. This column asks, Is Hollywood turning on Angelina Jolie? Eh, do you think she gives a shit? [MSNBC Scoop]
• This daytime noir Donnie Darko-esque promo for James Franco on General Hospital is kind of fucking awesome. "Anyone can die at anytime!" [NY Magazine]
• Miss J says of his 7-year-old son: "He insists on wearing nice shoes. I think somehow my fashion genes must have slipped in there." [Us Magazine]
• Kate Hudson is "pushing" A-Rod to elope. Because that's what women do! [Gatecrasher]
• Rihanna spent more than $50,000 to fly her family to New York from Barbados for the Glamour Awards. [Page Six]
• You can watch Rihanna's speech from the Glamour Woman of the Year Awards at the link. A snippet: "Maya Angelou, I love you, but you make this terribly difficult for me." [YouTube]
• LOL headline of the day, via Russell Brand: "Katy Can't Do Your Show… She's Doing Me Instead." [The Sun]
• Kristen Stewart on those who ask whether she and Rob are an item: "The only way that I'm able to stay sane is to protect myself, and like, I know that it doesn't matter how you answer a question, it's going to tip. Someone's going to say, 'She's totally with him,' or, 'No, I don't think she is,' so it's sort of like, I don't care. You just have to seriously be like, have it, have it all. Take my, you know what I mean, just like, you want my shoes? Here you go, what size do you wear?" [ET]
• The 40-year-old women following Zac Efron around were just trying to get his picture for their daughters. No, really. [Page Six]
• Emma Thompson made some comments about her adopted Rwandan son had been subjected to racism at the University of Exeter, and now the Culture Secretary has said: "Miss Thompson is a great actress, but her comments about Exeter… are insulting… Any incidence of racism is one too many, but Exeter comes top or near top in every survey of places for friendliness and quality of life." [Telegraph]
• Sharon Stone was at a fancy Madison Avenue salon and used a private room; Queen Noor of Jordan was also there to get her hair done, but sat in the main area with the plebes. [Page Six]
• The David Letterman blackmail case is "all out war." [NY Post]
• Michael Jackson's funeral bills are in. Total cost: $855,730.31. [TMZ]
• Janet Jackson, called here "the only Jackson who was flush with cash," fronted $49,000 for Michael Jackson's funeral. She'll be reimbursed via his estate, which will also pay the remaining balance. [TMZ]
• Joe Jackson, who was trying to object to Michael Jackson's will and executors, has been shut down by a judge. [TMZ]
• An Andy Warhol portrait of Michael Jackson sold for $812,000 in an auction last night. [NY Post]
• "Winona Ryder and Barry Pepper have been cast to star in the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie When Love Is Not Enough: The Lois Wilson Story." It's the true story of the co-founder of Al-Anon and her alcoholic husband, who lived the high life in the 1920s but a downfall by the 50s. [Variety]
• Playgirl wanted to shoot Levi Johnston in the penthouse of a certain downtown hotel but didn't have enough cash to pay the fee. [Page Six]
• Dominique Swain, who once posed for PETA, has reportedly been "caught" dumping unvaccinated puppies at an animal shelter. [ONTD, Fox 411]
• Heather Locklear's return to Melrose Place is a desperate attempt to get people to care. Is it working on you? Then check out this clip from the show in which Heather — playing Amanda — says, "When I hired you to give this place a makeover, I didn't mean smear it with lipstick and turn it into a five-dollar hooker." [People]
• Celine Dion is adding a "pool complex" to her home in Jupiter Island, Florida — with "two giant pools, waterslides and a lazy river, much like an amusement park." One neighbor complains: "Distasteful is what it looks like - the whole thing sounds like a Michael Jackson fairyland to me." [MSNBC Scoop via Life & Style]
• Some dude is suing Bon Jovi, Time Warner and Major League Baseball for $400 billion, yeah, BILLION, dollars. He claims that he wrote an ode to the Boston Red Sox entitled, "(Man I Really) Love this Team." During the 2007 playoffs, Bon Jovi released a song, "I Love This Town," and the guy took the case to court. One judge dismissed it, but the guy is appealing. [Reuters]
• George Lopez's new late night talk show debuted with strong ratings. Did anyone watch? I found it only mildly funny, with too many race jokes. But I didn't watch the whole thing. [Reuters]
• Steven Tyler supposedly quit Aerosmith, but last night he showed up at an NYC club for Joe Perry's show, announced he wasn't leaving Aerosmith, and joined in on "Walk This Way." My friend Matt says: "If anyone can save the future of Aerosmith by settling the feud between Steven Tyler and Joe Perry, it's got to be Tyler Perry." [Roger Friedman's 411.com] 
• Shakira hugged and 11-year-old fan and it is news. [Page Six]
• Sir Ian McKellan mocked Jude Law at a charity event; Jude swore, "I go home religiously every night after Hamlet." Sir Ian joked, "I guess the night I saw you, you went home via [popular NYC nightclub] the Box." [La Dolce Musto]
• Julianne Hough and Chuck Wicks have broken up. [People]
• "A rare collection of Beatles autographs and photographs, given to a 14-year-old who traipsed across Salisbury plain in the rain to catch a glimpse of her heroes on the set of Help!, sold for £2,200 at auction in Berkshire yesterday." [Guardian]
• Rod Stewart, father of seven, is trying to have another baby with wife Penny Lancaster. Forever young? [People]
• Whatshername will be on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here but arrive late and earn five times more cash than other contestants. [The Sun]
• "I think there's a lot of persuasive and powerful people around Obama. For a president to make his own decisions, I think that's a rarity. Even someone who we think of as our guy — this is a guy with integrity, a guy who cares, for the first time in a long time — in the Oval Office, even with him we don't really know who's pulling the strings. I think of every president as being a marionette. Whether he's any different, I don't know. Certainly his military advisers all want him to prosecute this war to the end, just as they did in Vietnam with LBJ. It's just too depressing, I think we're going to have to hit the streets. Obama has the chance of becoming JFK or LBJ. I think JFK was one of our last great presidents, although I thought Carter was pretty great too. LBJ could have been a great president if he hadn't gotten bogged down in war, but that was quite a war to get bogged down in. Notwithstanding the fact that the war was wrong and they were talking about the Red Scare and the domino effect, if you go and read the Pentagon Papers they were also talking about rubber, tin and oil. They killed two and a half million people. What was it all for? In Korea they killed four and a half million. Like, we're liberating these people?" — Woody Harrelson plays a soldier in his intense new film The Messenger and, at the link, has lots of thoughts about war, death, the military and President Obama. [Salon]
• "They got in trouble because my children are riding their dirt bikes through the whole trailer park, going crazy, doing flips — and everyone's concerned for their safety. And mom's like, 'Oh, they've been riding the whole weekend, they're having a blast!' I was like, 'They're not allowed to ride their dirt bikes in the trailer park!' They terrorize the neighborhood the whole time." — Pamela Anderson's sons — 13 and 11 — are tiny terrors. [Contact Music]
• "I don't have to play scenes with actors standing on buckets." — Sigourney Weaver, 6 feet tall, says that she doesn't believe her height has ever intimidated leading men. [Telegraph]
• "I had a great time with Hef and the girls when they came to see Peepshow and hang out in Vegas.  I don't watch the other episodes though, because it kind of makes me mad. The girls need to focus on what makes them unique and not doing the same things Bridget, Kendra and I have already done on the show.  Even camping in the backyard was an idea I had for an episode that we never got around to shooting.  And guess what they just showed? The girls camping in the backyard.  I don't want to look behind, I want to look forward." — Holly Madison is annoyed by the new Girls Next Door. [Fox 411]
• "I don't know that [Oprah] and Gayle are necessarily doing each other, but I think they are the emotional equivalent of.. [a gay couple]. When they did that road trip, that's as gay as it gets, and I don't mean it to be an insult, either. I'm just saying, listen, if you ask me, that's the couple." — Rosie O'Donnell. [ONTD via Times Of The Internet]
• "These jeans are a few days old, but the top is probably fresh because it gets to the point where even I can't stand the air around me. I don't know, my personal hygiene - it's so disgusting! Really it's just that I have very few clothes that I like and I'm travelling all the time, so I can't really get any more." — we get it, Robert Pattinson, you're filthy. [MSNBC via New! magazine]
• "I love clothes, and fashion is a great art form. Being a woman and my femininity are very important to me. But with my work I have to check my preferences at the door and personify the character I am playing as best I can. Your character isn't who you are. That's the great thing about my job. I get to step into somebody else's shoes – whether that's a pair of flat brogues or some stilettos." — Hilary Swank. [Daily Mail]
• "I'd love to have kids… But I'm much to young to get married." — Shakira. [Gatecrasher]
• "The funny thing is that I was very open and honest about [my bisexuality] from the very beginning, and everyone was acting like it was some new trend. Go back four or five years, people, and you'll see the same answer. I've been very honest with him from the get-go. I think women are beautiful. I've had a lot of fun with women, and I'm not ashamed of it. The problem is that I also love a well-endowed man. But just because I enjoy women doesn't mean I'm allowed to have affairs in my relationship. I learned through talking with my therapist that it is still cheating even if it's with girls, so there is a rule there." — Fergie. [Us Magazine via The Advocate, Page Six]
• "Lady Gaga stole your act." — President Obama to Cyndi Lauper. [La Dolce Musto]

In a recent Daily Beast interview, ex-party promoter Daniel Nardicio said reinventing Playgirl was like working on "the Coca-Cola of porn." Why did the magazine lose its way? "They didn't admit that there were a lot of gay men reading the magazine and gay men don't want to see guys with flowing long locks looking like they came from the cover of a Danielle Steel novel," he told The Daily Beast's Jacob Bernstein.

But former Playgirl managing editor Jessanne Collins, writing at the Awl, disputes that version of history. She says the magazine was staffed by young women who weren't particularly drawn to Fabio types, but who were under the thumb of the magazine's ownership—whose stable included titles like Purely 18 and Finally Legal. And they had their own ideas about what was sexy:

The men in the boardroom had no idea how to market or appeal to either women or gay men-never mind to both at the same time, an unattainable magic act, in my opinion, but one the company insisted on attempting for years. The tragicomedy of Playgirl's particular aesthetic failure starts to make a lot of sense if you consider that it wasn't constructed by anyone who professed actual physical interest in the male physique. If would-be Fabios were standard, that's because "musclebound with a ridiculous mane" is a comfortable caricature of what women find sexually attractive as doodled in the minds of out-of-touch old dudes.

The Internet may have helped kill Playgirl's regular print edition, but it's also brought both women and gay men choices of titillation that don't have to be cleared with any boardroom. And it's brought us this, for anyone who wants all of that and Levi at the same time.

The Truth About Playgirl And Levi Johnston [The Awl]

Related: Can Levi Johnson Save Playgirl? [The Daily Beast]
Fantasy Levi Johnston Playgirl Covers [BWE]

Why is it that all the women on The Insider panel were telling him not to pose for Playgirl, and the only one in favor for it was the dude? Shut up, Star Jones! Some of us want Levi to unbutton his fly.

• Madonna is in Brazil, but not to meet Jesus' parents. She says:

"I am going there strictly for fund raising and humanitarian purposes." Her Madgesty is sponsoring a documentary about kids living in the squalid hillside slums. [Page Six]

• Guess who was seeing Heath Ledger when he died? Lindsay Lohan. Her mom, Dina, tells Michael Lohan about it in this — you guessed it — recorded phone conversation. In the audio, Dina says Lindsay "cannot be alone" and sleeps with Dina when she is home because she has fears of being alone. [Radar Online]
• In a newly released 2008 taped phone call between Lindsay Lohan's assistant, Jenni Muro, and Michael Lohan, the former says: "I am trying to save your daughter's life every day." Muro was also pissed she had to relocate to NYC so LL could be on Ugly Betty, saying: "I get a 5% commission on this entire TV show and it's sick and disgusting and I'm here and I give up my boyfriend and my dog and my parents and my new place in LA and everything so that your daughter doesn't kill herself, ok?" [ONTD via Radar]
• A recent Tweet from Lindsay Lohan: "i'm a regular person to.. i sleep, eat, laugh, cry, shower, have blood running through my veins, i have a heart, etc etc- lol" [Twitter]
• People: I have seen a clip of Lady Gaga's new video, "Bad Romance," and there is latex and implied violence and dancing! The full video debuts Monday, and Ms. Gaga says: "There's this one shot in the video where I get kidnapped by supermodels. I'm washing away my sins and they shove vodka down my throat to drug me up before they sell me off to the Russian mafia." In addition, Gaga wears razor-blade sunglasses: "I wanted to design a pair for some of the toughest chicks and some of my girlfriends - don't do this at home! - they used to keep razor blades in the side of their mouths. That tough female spirit is something that I want to project. It's meant to be, 'This is my shield, this is my weapon, this is my inner sense of fame, this is my monster.'" [MTV News]
• Amy Winehouse loves her new boobs and now wants butt implants to get that "pin-up look." [The Sun]
• Joe Halderman — the CBS news producer accused of trying to extort cash from David Letterman — goes to court today for the first hearing in his criminal case. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Joe Halderman's friends are helping him pay his legal bills. [TMZ]
• Justin Timberlake has been dealing with a stalker, and submitted a statement to a judge yesterday which read: "I fear for my personal safety." He called the behavior of woman in question "ever-increasing, aggressive and harassing." [TMZ]
• At the link, James Franco talks about his upcoming stints on 30 Rock and General Hospital. Of doing a soap opera, he says: "It's been a blast so far. It was kind of mind-blowing. I've worked one day on it. It's one day of a few. But I think we packed seven episodes of my material in." He also reveals that he has not worn an eyepatch. Yet. [NY Magazine]
• Oh dear: Tracy Morgan's stand-up show at Carnegie Hall was so crazy, people walked out. And not crazy in the good way — he called homosexuality a choice and joked, "Obama is really changing the White House, because he and Michelle will have the first presidential sex tape out." [Gatecrasher]
• "Dr. Conrad Murray was on the phone with his girlfriend as Michael Jackson was dying." [TMZ]
• Joe Jackson is being meddlesome with the executors of Michael Jackson's will. [CNN]
• Naomi Campbell is going on a month-long, £1 million vacation with boyfriend Vladislav Doronin, and she is calling it a honeymoon, though they're not married. Grain of salt on this one. [The Sun]
• Levi Johnston has Tweeted: "BREAKING NEWS !!!! SNL APPEARANCE THIS SAT… you hear it first !!!" My guess is that he'll be in the news segment, but you never know — we could get a Tina Fey/Sarah Palin appearance! [MSNBC Scoop]
• Levi Johnston is reportedly going to file for joint custody of his son Tripp. [Page Six]
• Ugh. Carrie Prejean's autobiography is out so she is still in the damn spotlight. She claims the Miss California USA pageant director pressured her into getting a boob job. [Radar Online]
• By the by, Carrie Prejean says her "solo sex tape" was the biggest mistake of her life. [TMZ]
• Director Lee Daniels is not pushing for an Oscar for Precious: "It scares me," he says. When he first heard Oscar talk, "I was completely thrown off guard. I was like … Oscar who? Oscar de la Renta?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Actress Emma Thompson's art project takes viewers on 'Journey' of sex slave" [NY Daily News]
• John Travolta has to promote his new flick Old Dogs, even though he is struggling to get by since the death of his son. He says: "
  "We've been working very hard every day as a family to heal. We have our own way of doing it, and it has been helping." [USA Today]
• Congrats to Halle Berry, who will receive the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award at The Hollywood Reporter's 18th annual Women in Entertainment breakfast presented by Lifetime. Past recipients include Barbara Walters, Meryl Streep, Jodie Foster and Glenn Close. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Entourage's Kevin Connolly gambles and hangs with Playmates. [Page Six]
• Donald Trump and Omarosa will be reunited for Omarosa's new dating reality show on TV One, called Omarosa's Ultimate Merger, on which she tries to choose a love interest from a selection of 12 bachelors. [Variety]
• Boo: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has been diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia. [People]
• "The only thing worse than Aerosmith with Steven Tyler is Aerosmith without Steven Tyler." [NY Post]
• Hot hottie Jason Lewis — you know, he played hottie Smith Jerrod — has been cast as the lead in a new show called Rio! He'll play an international detective (?!?!) who goes to Brazil to investigate a crime… and decides to stay after enjoying the city, its beaches and nightlife. It's Miami Vice and Magnum PI and maybe even Hawaii 5-0. Also, he's hot. [Page Six]
• Someone spilled a drink on Russell Simmons at a party. [Page Six]
• Twilight's Christian Serratos is getting naked for a PETA ad. She's 19. [Gatecrasher]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Kelly Kapowski is pregnant. [Gatecrasher]
• Whatshisname sued a tabloid magazine and won libel damages. [BBC News]
• "When you hear the phrase 'only in America,' it means something extraordinary, something extreme, something good. But if someone were to say ‘only in Britain,' it would be something damp, miserable, no, not until Wednesday and then it's unlikely." — Stephen Fry is promoting Stephen Fry In America and might come live in the U.S. [Daily Express]
• "If he wanted to go down that road he probably would have done so by now. And I think he is a very solid and faithful person." — Mel Gibson's girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, who has dated Mel and given birth while he's still legally married to his wife of 29 years. [MSNBC]
• "There wasn't going to be any more Juliet, and now there is going to be more Juliet. That's all I can say. I wish I could say more. I don't really like to be so close-lipped, but it kind of just goes with the show." — Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell. [USA Today]
• "How do I still look good? I owe 30 per cent to genes, 30 per cent to good sex, 30 per cent because of sports and healthy lifestyle with proper nutrition and for the remaining 10 per cent – I have to thank my plastic surgeon. I'm 71 and physically don't feel so good since I'm in pain. But I'm happier, the sex is better and I understand life better. I don't want to be young again." — Jane Fonda just had spine surgery, a new knee and hip made of titanium, but she had to get herself repaired because she wants to climb the Himalayas. [Telegraph]
• "I smoke weed, but I don't think it's really a drug. 'It's more of a herb. I don't regret saying that at all. I think everyone smokes weed and people who say they don't are lying! Weed has been given this evil stamp, but how is it dangerous? It's going to make you laugh your arse off? You might go to sleep? I think alcohol is much more harmful. People beat the f**k out of each other on alcohol." — Joss Stone should change her name to Joss Stoned. [Daily Mail]
• "I really enjoy acting. I like being in front of the camera. I think I should be an action star." — Serena Williams, that makes two of us. [NY Daily News]
• "Elevators scare me — just being stuck without phone service when you're alone. Small spaces are fine, if I'm with someone in an elevator fine, but I will not buy an apartment on the 14th floor of a building that's for sure, I've gotta be able to walk. … The unknown is very scary. …I'm scared of a lot of women, certain women because I guess I don't have a lot of confidence in myself, I don't know what it is." — Amanda Seyfried. [Mirror]
• "We're discovering who the enemy are, and I do think we do have an enemy. It means that everyone's got to go on fighting. And in what way you fight, well, it depends who you are… You can write a letter, you can talk about it to your congressperson… you can talk to people in bars… Or you can go on marches, or you can go and break windows." — Sir Ian McKellan on the fight for gay marriage. [Page Six]

• A baby for Jay-Z and Beyoncé!?! Apparently they're working on it. [Gatecrasher]
• Lindsay Lohan was spotted in an alley behind LA's Crow Bar, talking on her cell phone and crying. And, naturally, there are pictures. [Daily Mail]

• Madonna is supposed to go to Brazil to meet Jesus' parents; people are taking this as a sign that an engagement is "in the cards." This paper points out that Madge is 51 and Jesus' mom is 36. Does that happen when Hugh Hefner dates barely legals? No. [The Sun]
• Britney Spears is "extremely upset" by a report in Australia that fans stormed out of her Circus tour because she was lipsyncing. A rep says that she is "embarrassed" to be "part of the Australian media" that has "totally inaccurate reporting" and that the article about hundreds of fans leaving is "the biggest lie." [News.com.au, Reuters]
• John Mayer on the Britney lip-sync scandal: "If you're shocked that Britney was lip-syncing at her concert and want your money back, life may continue to be hard for you." [People]
• BREAKING: Jay-Z is the new Sinatra. Adjust accordingly. [NY Tmes]
• Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy: On! They attended a rugby match together on Saturday. Last month they allegedly had "a rather grown up, intimate dinner" at someplace called Beach Blanket Babylon. [People]
• Levi Johnston and Jon Gosselin posed for pictures together in Times Square over the weekend and yet the planet did not self-destruct. [NY Daily News]
• Hmm: Jon Gosselin is going to Hawaii for the wedding of Phillies outfielder Shane Victorino. [TMZ]
• Just what your Monday needs: A chart detailing how Nicolas Coppola became Nicolas Cage. [New York]
• It certainly looks like Bruce Springsteen's concert put Glenn Close to sleep. Unless she is blinking? [TMZ]
• Cate Blanchett looks regal — and yet unreal —on the December issue of Vogue. [The Life Files]
• Iman, Donna Karan and Agyness Deyn were seen teary at a screening of Precious. [Page Six]
• Gwyneth Palrow joins Nicole Kidman in The Danish Girl, a film adaptation of the David Ebershoff novel that tells the story of a relationship between the first post-operative transsexual, Einar Wegener, and his wife, Greta. It'll be directed by Thomas Alfredson, who shot the sublime Let The Right One In. [Variety]
• Sacha Baron Cohen has created Four By Two films, a production company which will generate comedies starring Sacha Baron Cohen. [Variety]
• Oh lord. There's a film in the works called Sheneneh and Wanda — which would star Jamie Foxx and Martin Lawrence playing their famous female characters. According to this report: "The project originated as a parody of a movie trailer for a film called Skank Robbers, which Foxx and Lawrence made for the BET Awards." Uplifting! [Variety]
• You know how Randy Quaid was arrested for running out on a $10,000 hotel bill? This story, titled "Randy Quaid's Journey From Actor To Alleged Felon," tells you everything you need to know. Apparently Randy exhibited "oddball" behavior back in 2007; his wife Evi called someone a "Nazi bitch" in 2008. [People]
• At the link, six ways Jon Hamm has an impact beyond Mad Men. [NY Daily News]
• Jim Carrey's website is "trippy," and has a "fantastical, psychedelic vibe." It looks like a Dali painting but from someone who likes Canada, hockey and octopi. [NY Daily News]
• Are you interested in seeing Susan Boyle sing on Dancing With The Stars? [NY Daily News]
• Susan Boyle says she is getting back on track, but things were hectic for a while: "My life ceased to be normal when Britain's Got Talent went live… There were phone calls 24 hours a day. They kept me awake for three weeks until I changed my number. It was totally out of control, like a steamroller. It just got bigger and bigger and bigger until, eventually, it can flatten you." [MSNBC Scoop]
• In her new play, Nightingale, Lynn Redgrave takes a look at "the life of Beatrice Kempson, her maternal grandmother, a woman she barely knew and wanted to know better." [AP]
• Dennis Hopper is undergoing an experimental treatment for prostate cancer. "It has great promise," he says. "Everything's good right now." [EW]
• Whee: The Wanda Sykes Show got pretty good ratings! [Variety]
• Michael Jackson's kids helped a dog named Scooby Roo get some wheels. [TMZ]
• Reality show mini series The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty — which focuses on Jackie, Jermaine, Tito and Marlon — airs on A&E December 13. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Joe Jackson is looking for $15,000 a month from Michael Jackson's estate. [Mirror]
• "People want an answer of when we'll be back, and I think it's impossible… It's unfair to say when we'll do Fall Out Boy again. It's hard to be creative. You just feel compressed all the time. We just want to let ourselves decompress." — Pete Wentz, whose band is releasing a greatest hits CD. [ONTD via Music Radar]
• "I come from the slums, I come from a hard background, I come from a poor family, and I was a soldier. And I was a soldier in a war that was a little bit different, so I know what I am talking about, more than most people do. With this script, it was as though someone had been reading my thoughts." — Michael Caine on new "urban western" film Harry Brown. [Telegraph]
• "I'm my own worst critic, and I don't need any more negativity in my life. So I go to my Web site and see good reviews and things that make me feel good." — Carrie Underwood likes visiting her fan site. [UPI]
• "I can't think of a single romantic thing that I've ever done. I would never serenade someone to be romantic – you have to have so much balls to do that. I put a flower in someone's locker when I was 15 years old, this girl called Maria. She thought that it was someone else and the other guy claimed it as well, which is great." — Sparkle Vamp Robert Pattinson is still trying to get the Twihards off his back. Or front. Whatever. [People]
• "I get quite obsessive about things, and possessive as well. I have very, very specific ideas about how I want to do my work and how I want to be perceived, to the point of ridiculousness sometimes. I don't listen to anyone else. That's why I don't have a publicist — I can't stand it if someone's trying to tell me to do something which might be a mistake." — Robert Pattinson. [People]
• "Outside London where I lived, there was no gay pub or bar you could go to. And even if you found one, it was 'Knock three times and ask for Louis.' It was horrible living this secret life. You could feel a little bit what it was like to be a Jew in central Europe during a certain period. It was horrible." — Sir Ian McKellan. [Metro.co.uk]
• "You adore music more than anything in the world, you have a great passion. But that doesn't mean you had to marry the lead singer of every band you ever had a poster of on your bedroom wall." — Patsy Kensit — who has married Dan Donovan of Big Audio Dynamite, Jim Kerr of Simple Minds, Liam Gallagher of Oasis — in a letter to her teenage self. [Daily Express]
• "It would be interesting for people to see that side of me." — 50 Cent would like to be in a romantic comedy. [Gatecrasher]
• "Desperation. I had a sick mom. I wanted to make her feel better. I used to go in there, aged seven or so, and do impressions of praying mantises, weird things, whatever. I'd bounce off the walls and throw myself down the stairs." — Jim Carrey on the origin of his comedic instincts. [Daily Express]
• "It's not just an old person singing covers, no, thank God." — Marianne Faithfull on her new CD. [AP]
• "Every song that you hear on the album has an element of freedom in it. If it's the way that I'm singing, or the style that I'm explaining something. For me, freedom is a big deal — I think for all of us because we're all looking for our wings to fly, to not be held back, to be free to be who we are. So that's another reason why I called it The Element of Freedom." — Alicia Keys. [CNN]
• "I gained three pounds since yesterday. I weigh myself every day. Today I vowed that I was going to wear flats, and then last second, I threw on some heels. I can't wait to sit down already. It's hard carrying extra weight. I'm over the red carpet being pregnant." — Kourtney Kardashian. [NY Daily News]

1.) Toes
Tyra had guests this week who get fake toenails put on.

And there were these idiots, who pay $65 a session to have their toes read.

2.) Mariah
She made the talk show rounds. She stumbled on Leno.

Then she went on Larry King Live, where she blinged out his logo.

And then smelled her tits.

Also, Larry serenaded her.

3.) "Where are you?"
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew premiered this week. One of its cast members, Nicole Narain, was on The Joy Behar Show, where she answered Joy's question a little too literally.

4.) What happens when you slouch in Judge Judy's court.

5.) Cougars
The Insider is taking this taking this cougar thing way too far. Although, I do like the little glimpses of Wasilla townies we get.

Niecy Nash is now literally referred to as "the resident cougar," and for the past two weeks, she's been going on dates with younger men.

Is this supposed to be sexy? Chest stubble and exaggerated nipples?

It reminds me of when Homer got plastic surgery so that Marge wouldn't leave him for a younger man.

And his nipples cried.

6.) Heather from Rock of Love on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
She played a hooker.

7.) Why did Sandals have to ruin a perfectly lovely song?

8.) Jon Gosselin implied that he's on the same professional level as Mary Hart.
And she didn't like it.

9.) Kirstie Alley on her coke days.

10.) Michelle Obama is fun.