It seems like every summer the mags declare that white jeans like Eva LaRue's are either "back" or a "summer classic" and that they're "surprisingly wearable." None of these things ever gives any indication of being remotely true.


It's kind of like Brenda Song was on some kind of game show, where she had to make an outfit from a thrift store in fifteen minutes. In which case this would maybe win a Huffy dirt bike or something.


Niecy Nash demonstrates the evolution of the bandage dress.


I have concerns about Shea Fisher's underpinnings.


I think what's bothering me about Kelli Garner's getup is the rose on the blouse echoed by the belt buckle - a lot of fussiness.


Okay, Debby Ryan is only 16, and clearly styled her own outfit, and the truth is, I'd rather a teen was somewhat...overzealous than all slick and sexy and adult.


Let's talk about strategically-placed panels of lace and crochet like Gena Lee Nolin's. Or, you know what? Let's not and say we did.


A few years ago, Ming-Na Wen's free-flowing frock would have been called "boho." On eBay it would be called "boho hippie retro vintage cool!!!" Her sandals, in any language, would be called "comfortable-looking."


Leslie Bibb looks great. Do not try this at home.


Chloe Grace Moretz is, unquestionably, Best-Dressed of the night! Bonus points for cheering me up on a Monday morning.


Jennifer Stone's oddly geometric shoe soles remind me of those elaborate stilt shoes Medieval ladies wore to avoid stepping in...anything.


[Images via Getty]

The Good:
Robert Downey, Jr. and his wife Susan look like an old-time glamor couple from the Hollywood of yore.

Ben Stiller looks sharp in his dark suit (even if he's almost doing "Blue Steel" here) and Christine Taylor rocks the naught secretary look.

Whoah: It's Billy Corgan. He can wear whatever the fuck he wants. Especially when it involves a stripey shrirt, cropped pants, and a hat.

Emmanuelle Chirqui makes it okay to wear white after Labor Day.

No one puts Baby in the corner.

Leslie Bibb makes the one-shoulder dress look completely novel, not to mention sexy-yet-classy.

Nazanin Boniadi's dress has to be Rami Kashou, right?!

Sean Combs must be giving his outfit for this year's White Party a partial test-run.

The Bad:

Gwyneth Paltrow is wearing a jumper. How Studio 54 of her.

Beau Bridges and Wendy Treece: Did they just step out of a time machine? I know I saw these looks at my cousin's Bat Mitzvah in 1989.

Jenna Dewan's dress has good ideas. But something went terribly wrong in its execution.

I really have no patience for Pete Wentz and his "style." Also, is that a sweater vest I spy?

Same goes for Terrence Howard. But minus the sweater vest. Also, shouldn't he be carrying baby wipes?

Just not Vince Vaughn's finest hour.

The Ugly:
Oh blah blah blah I know that Jack Black is supposed to be all wacky and such, but he and wife Tanya Haden look like they're wearing their dirty laundry. From their time in the house-cleaning circus.

Courtney Hansen's dress is so wrong on so many different levels. But the shiny, too-tight booby trap up top and the piecemeal bottom seem to be the most insurmountable problems.

No, seriously: What is Rosanna Arquette wearing?

[Images via Getty.]