• Kate Gosselin says her kids have been misbehaving lately and, "I'm trying to give them the grace to see, if they're acting out of line, I'm trying to look deeper into why that is, why the kids are acting out..."

• She continues, "Cause it's all inter-related. I mean, they don't see it, but it's all interconnected." [People]
• This can't be good: Nadya Suleman says, "I kind of have a crush on Jon Gosselin," adding, "I think he's hot!" [Radar Online]
• Michael Kamrava, the fertility doctor who implanted Nadya Suleman with six embryos, has been kicked out of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. The organization does not have the power to strip him of his medical license. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan has announced he's going to meet with a judge and ask to put Lindsay Lohan under a conservatorship. A source says, "Lindsay is actively getting a restraining order, her lawyer have already been contacted. She's scared. This is really serious."
  [People]
• Roman Polanski was transferred from prison to a hospital on Friday for medical examinations. He'll remain in the hospital for several days being treated for an undisclosed condition. [People]
• Is Ashlee Simpson going to appear in an upcoming issue of Vogue? She was spotted recently at a"glamorous photoshoot for Vogue magazine at the Hilton hotel in Beverly Hills." [Socialite Life]
• The Heene family posted a note on the door of their Colorado home that reads, "Thank you for all of your support. We are not taking any interview any more. We are tired. Thank you. Heenes" [Us]
• Richard Heene's lawyer says he expects he'll be charged by Wednesday and when that happens Heene will plead not guilty. [TMZ]
• About two weeks ago Richard Heene posted a profile on RealityWanted.com advertising himself to casting agents and producers to be a reality star. [TMZ]
• Richard Heene was arrested in April 1997 in Los Angeles and charged with misdemeanor vandalism, vehicle tampering, and disturbing the peace. He plead no contest to the vandalism charge and was sentenced to 30 days in jail and 2 years probation. [TMZ]
• The FAA is investigating whether Richard Heene released the balloon without authorization. [TMZ]
• Shree Silver, who co-starred with Richard Heene on Wife Swap says he "had the mind of a mad scientist." Though he once threw milk on her she says, " I don't think he would be physically abusive." [People]
• David Hasselhoff may do a reality show. An A&E rep confirms, "We are discussing a possibility of doing a documentary series with David and his kids." [TMZ]
• After showing up 90 minutes late to a charity concert in Colorado Springs, DMX was told he couldn't perform. DMX, his bodyguards, and his fans got into a fight with concert security. There's video here: [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell is stepping up Leona Lewis' security since she was attacked at a book signing last week. "I was stunned anyone would want to attack her. We need to make sure she is protected," he said. [The Sun]
• Bethenny Frankel announced over the weekend that she's engaged, but is she pregnant too? A source says, "Bethenny premeditated all of this! She got pregnant and got engaged all for her own show." [Perez Hilton]
• Boy George says in prison, "You've got the classic picture of the balconies and the banging cups. I knew what to expect. I was quite hostile. Very hostile. And very grumpy. Not because I felt that way particularly, but because I felt it required that. The situation required me to be a bit feisty, a bit don't-fuck-with-me." [Daily Express]
• Randy and Evi Quaid didn't attend a court hearing in Santa Barbara this morning to settle their fraud case. The DA is giving them another chance to show up next Monday, but if they don't appear he'll have them extradited from Texas. [TMZ, Radar Online]
• Laura Dern has been cast as the headmistress of an elementary school in the Meet The Fockers sequel Little Fockers. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Michelle Obama will appear on The Jay Leno Show on Friday via satellite. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Stephen Moyer is walking with a cane after tearing his meniscus while playing with his kids. "I'd like to say it as some kind of thrusting, sexy injury," he said. "But it really isn't." [People]
• Jenna Fisher, who fell down a staircase and broke her back in four places says, "Before the accident, I wore size 26 jeans! I was truly in the best shape of my life. Afterward, I gained 10 lbs. and got flabby." But now, "I went shopping with my girlfriends recently, and I fit into my old-size jeans." [People]
• Jordan says, "Do you want to know the truth why we're not divorced? It's because it looks like Pete's still after my money. I texted him the other day and said, are you sticking to the pre-nup or are you after my money?" [The Sun]
• The Brits have nominated Jordan for Bounty Celebrity Mum of the Year. [The Mirror]
• The Tate Modern may have to destroy 12,000 catalogues for the Richard Prince exhibit Pop Life because they contain a nude picture of Brooke Shields taken when she was 10. [N.Y. Times]
• Wilmer Valderrama will star in a half hour sitcom based on the escapades of Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan. [People]
• Penn Badgley says dating Blake Lively may not have been the best idea. "Having a relationship with someone you work with might not always be the smartest move," he says. "But it's been wonderful to be in a relationship where we can both identify with what the other is experiencing." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Victoria Beckham will guest star on an episode of Gossip Girl A source says that at Posh's New York fashion show last month Blake Lively, "pleaded with her to guest star in an episode and ran the idea past producers." [Mirrow]
• Chris Kirkpatrick believes there may be an *NSYNC because, "You never know what the future holds. Anything could happen... We're all just being ourselves for a little while." We guess that Justin Timberlake will keep "being himself" for quite a long time." [People]
• "I've had some absolutely great relationships and some not so great relationships," says George Clooney. "I've been in some relationships where I've felt terribly alone. Just because you're with someone it doesn't mean you're incredibly happy and complete." [People]
• While accepting the Spike TV sci-fi actress award for Transformers 2 Megan Fox said, "I don't usually do this, but I wanted to say something,... There have been a lot of false reports about how I feel about this movie. I just want to be very clear that I've always felt I'm a very ordinary part of an extraordinary film." [Us]

• Demi Moore is fighting with Perez Hilton over pictures of her 15-year-old daughter Tallulah Willis he wrote "slut" and "ass" on because her breast and butt were accidentally exposed. Demi said he isn't "taking violating child pornography laws very seriously..."

• Demi Tweeted: "Let me ask all of you, what is it called when someone is telling people to look and focus on a child's 'boobs & ass' while providing photos?... This is not a game . Children should not be exploited. They must be protected." [Gossip Cop]
• Tim Gunn says Jon Gosselin is committing "the biggest crime against fashion" for men: Not wearing the proper size. "In his case, everything is too big," scolds Tim. "It is what I refer to as the slobification of America. If you want to dress to feel as though you never got out of bed, then don't get out of bed." Tim says he's "accepting" of Kate's hairstyle. [Us]
• Oprah did a "show on abuse, inspired by Rihanna" last spring and Chris Brown said in People, "I commend Oprah on being like, 'This is a problem,' but it was a slap in my face. I did a lot of stuff for her, like going to Africa and performing for her school. She could have been more helpful, like, 'Okay, I'm going to help both of these people out.'" Oprah's rep has responded, "Oprah is very appreciative that Chris Brown performed at her school but she takes domestic abuse very seriously. She hopes he gets the counseling he needs." [TMZ]
• Katherine Jackson filed the bill for Michael Jackson's burial at Forest Lawn Memorial Park with the court and it says that his body has been in the cemetery's possession since his July 7 memorial at the Staples Center. [TMZ]
• Macaulay Culkin plans to attend Michael Jackson's funeral. [TMZ]
• Some say French First Lady Carla Bruni has accepted a role in Woody Allen's next film but people in her entourage deny it. [The Telegraph]
• LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian's exes Dean Sheremet and Brandi Glanville have become friends while commiserating about their lost relationships. [Us]
• HBO has ordered a pilot of the Laura Dern comedy Enlightened, which features "Dern as a self-destructive woman who has a spiritual awakening and becomes determined to live an enlightened life, creating havoc at home and work." [Media Week]
• Idina Menzel Tweeted: "Idina & Taye [Diggs]have welcomed baby Walker Nathaniel Diggs into the world, my friends! More details to come. Congratulations!!" [Just Jared]
• Antonio Banderas says of his wife Melanie Griffith being in rehab and the rumors that he's leaving her: "She's doing fantastic and very little of what is being published is true," adding, "I am not going away." [People]
• Salma Hayek freaked out at Chateau Marmont and screamed at the hostess in Spanish. She didn't have a reservation and the hostess wouldn't seat her. [Radar Online]
• At a concert in Tel Aviv, Madonna was given an Israeli flag by someone in the front rows and wrapped it around herself, which angered Palestinians. [Jerusalem Post]
• Avril Lavigne will guest judge an episode of American Idol this season. [UPI]
• Jay-Z says of keeping his wedding to Beyonce a secret: "The sad part is that we offended some." But! "People who love you understand because at the end of the day, it's your day." [People]
• Lori Petty, who was in A League Of Their Own, will plead no contest to a misdemeanor DUI charge tomorrow and serve five years' probation. [People]
• Sonic Youth has finished filming and appearance on the October 12 episode of Gossip Girl. "Kim [Gordon] and I are pretty fanatical viewers of the show," says Thurston Moore. "It's sort of our dose of Shakespeare every week." [Rolling Stone]
• Somehow an email Audrina Patridge wrote to Heidi Montag apologizing for insulting her singing wound up on Perez Hilton. Audrina writes: "It was taken entirely out of context and twisted completely. I would NEVER speak like that about you to the press, and I'm actually truly impressed with your performance and all of the hard work that you've put towards your career." [Perez Hilton]
• "I've never thought of myself as a sorority girl. I don't think I could ever be in a sorority house or live with like six girls. I would go crazy." — Audrina Patridge, star of Sorority Row. [Reuters]
• "Only the media would say I play a lot of freaks. Please take a closer look at my filmography. Is Biff Loman from Death of a Salesman a psychopath? Is Lennie from Of Mice and Men a madman?" — John Malkovich. [Newsweek]
• Kelly Osbourne says of being on Dancing With the Stars, "It's one of those shows that a lot of people who are trying to revamp their career go into and do, and moody me would be like, oh, that's sad, I'm not doing that. But secretly I'm like, look how fit they get and look at those amazing dresses they get made for them, and they look like they're having so much fun. I'm turning 25 during the show and I just don't want to have any regrets anymore; I just wanna have fun. How many people in the world get an opportunity like this…and get paid for it?" [E!]
• "Really, it's easier to play a complex character. It's easier to play a good character. It's easier to do Shakespeare than Spelling, and I know that sounds crazy, because the challenge of Shakespeare is living up to Shakespeare, living up to that word, not failing, you know, where with Aaron Spelling it's like, just try to look good. (Laughs) Or maybe don't use Spelling there, that's bad … No you can. He's dead." — Mad Men's Vincent Kartheiser. [Vanity Fair]

"He's fucked me good right up the rear!" warbles Ruth in the musical-comedy version of the cult 1996 tale of glue-huffing and abortion wars. Whether the show will have a life beyond the New York Fringe Festival is an open question, but right now you can check out the script ("[RUTH passes out, dropping the bag to reveal a face smeared with silvery paint)"] and listen to some of the score. Without having seen the show, it's hard to know how much is Po-Mo irony ("The Patio Sealant Chorale") and how much earnest theater ("you want me to kill my baby? kill it! kill it! ...what about what I want?") Regardless, it's a little dissonant to hear Laura Dern's profanity-laden dialogue being belted, and enunciated, by a trained Broadway soprano.

In combination with the news of the I Can Haz Cheezburger musical (and let's not forget Silence of the Lambs set to song lyrics) this project marks a new phase of American Theater. It may also end it. According to one theatergoer quoted in the Times, "I think we're due for something like that. . . .It's actually the right time to see something like this right now, with what's going on with health care." Yeah, we're guessing it'll really attract the Town Hall crowd.

Citizen Ruth Musical
At the Fringe: Street Reviews Of ‘Citizen Ruth' [NY Times]
Citizen Ruth Offered A Check [YouTube]
Lolcats Take To The Stage With A Musical [CSMonitor]

Earlier: "Put The F**king Lotion In The Basket" Singlehandedly Revives American Musical Theater

• Oprah is being sued for $1 trillion. That is one trillion dollars. Here's the deal:

Author Damon Lloyd Goffe of the Bronx claims that in April 2008, Oprah confessed to seizing (?) and publishing (on the web) a first draft of his work, A Tome of Poetry, under the title Pieces Of My Soul. [National Enquirer]

• Newly unemployed Paula Abdul might go to The View: The show's rep says "She was always welcome on the program in the past and always will be in the future." Paula might fill in during Elisabeth Hasselbeck's maternity leave, but probably won't be offered a full-time job; the rep says: "We aren't hiring, of course." [E!]
• Apparently Paula's Idol resignation Tweet took many Idol staffers by surprise. When asked if Paula will be replaced, one exec said: "I have no idea." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Former American Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe says he's talked with Paula about coming to Fox's So You Think You Can Dance. "With Paula's background as a dancer, choreographer and reality judge now, I don't know anyone more qualified than Paula Abdul." [NY Daily News]
• "Who can replace Paula Abdul on 'American Idol?' Sarah Palin? Judge Judy?" LOL. [NY Daily News]
• You know who will be on American Idol? Victoria Beckham. Yes, Posh Spice will make a guest appearance on the judging panel. Zigazig-ah. [Daily Mail]
• Posh's appearance will be a one-off. [People]
• Britney wants to marry her manager-boyfriend Jason Trawick and have his baby (she wants a girl), but a source says: "Jason's last long-term relationship ended because he wouldn't pop the question." As always, consider the source on this. [MSNBC via National Enquirer]
• Kristin Davis is caught in the middle of Mideast politics — she is no longer a spokeswoman for human rights/relief organization Oxfam International because she endorses the Ahava cosmetics line, which is made by Dead Sea Cosmetics in the Mitzhe Shalem Jewish settlement in the West Bank. Oxfam considers this "disputed" territory. [Page Six]
• A new batch of nude photographs of Vanessa Hudgens hit the internet and her lawyer confirms that they are real and that she was underage when they were taken. You've got to wonder who keeps leaking pictures of the Disney teen queen, and how he or she is getting access to these images. [Perez]
• According to this report, the Vanessa Hudgens pix are actually old. Yet! Released just in time: There's a red carpet premiere of her new flick, Bandslam, tomorrow. [E!]
• Mischa Barton didn't go to some castmate's birthday party and we're supposed to read something into that. [Page Six]
• Matt Damon, Don Cheadle and George Clooney are hanging out at Cloon's luxurious Lake Como estate, like an Ocean's Eleven reunion. Except no Brad Pitt. [NY Daily News]
• Aerosmith's Steven Tyler was airlifted to a hospital after falling off the stage during a show in South Dakota. Not a joke: He went down during the song "Love In An Elevator." His injuries are reportedly not too serious: minor head and neck injuries and a shoulder injury. [AP]
• In a poll by lovefilm.com (?), Anne Hathaway was named best actress under 30. Keira Knightley got second place. [Telegraph]
• It's tough to describe the creeptastic pictures in the results of this "NYC Prep Meets Yearbook Yourself" post, but there are retro hairstyles and Morrissey quotes, so you'd better just click and see. [The Faster Times]
• Michael Jackson and rapper Fabolous are on the top of the Billboard charts. [Reuters]
• A South Korean newspaper is suing Michael Jackson's estate for $7.9 million over some canceled concert dates in 1990. As if Katherine Jackson's lawyers didn't have enough to worry about. [AP]
• Katherine Jackson will be telling Prince and Paris that their biological mom is Debbie Rowe in the next few weeks. [NY Post]
• A play at the Edinburgh Fringe festival — with an all-Malawian cast — is about Madonna's adoption saga and titled Mercy Madonna of Malawi. Her Madgesty is played by a black male actor in a blonde wig, and he looks like he's loving it. [BBC News]
• If you haven't seen it yet, the animated Modest Mouse video directed by Heath Ledger can be found at the link. [NY Daily News]
• Barbra Streisand is auctioning off more than 400 personal items to benefit her charity: A baby grand piano, a dress from Funny Lady, some outfits from Meet The Fockers. "What good does it do in storage?" Barbra asks. The Streisand Foundation supports women's, children's, environmental and political causes. [AP]
• Catherine Deneuve was booed at a performance in Italy, where she was reading at a cultural festival. Attendees may have been frustrated that she was reading in French and there were no subtitles. [AP]
• Pedro Almodóvar turns 60 next month, and is about to release his 17th feature film, Broken Embraces. He says: "I want to make more. Right now, I feel a sense of urgency that I never had before to make films. I feel much more in a hurry now than when I was 20 or 30. Time passes." And! On muse Penelope Cruz: "Hollywood doesn't take such risks with actors. They're not that rich in female characters either. I have the advantage that I know Penelope very well as a friend. She has such faith in me, so I can take more risks, bring out those unseen Penelopes, that other directors wouldn't dare to try or conceive." Be sure and click the link and watch the trailer, in which Cruz wears a bunch of different wigs and channels Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe. [Telegraph]
• Liam Neeson will star in Unknown White Male, a thriller from the director of Orphan, in which Neeson will play a doctor who gets into a car accident and goes into a coma. When he wakes up, his wife doesn't recognize him — and she's living with another man who has assumed his identity. [Variety]
• HBO, which has been getting very lady-friendly lately, is developing a show for Laura Dern. The premise? A formerly self-destructive woman has a spiritual awakening and becomes determined to live an enlightened life, wreaking unintended consequences." Writer? Mike White, School Of Rock. [Women & Hollywood]
• Thomas Beatie, known as the "pregnant man," is pitching a reality series to Oxygen to TLC. [NY Daily News]
• Retrogossip: "Marilyn Monroe and Tony Curtis had affair while making 'Some Like it Hot,' Curtis reveals in book.… The 84-year-old actor writes that he and Monroe had an affair while making the movie in 1958 which left her pregnant. Had she not miscarried, Marilyn would have been his baby mama." [Gatecrasher]
• "He'd better start making some good films ... I'm not a great fan of Public Enemies, because I think [Michael Mann's] a fucking extraordinary filmmaker, but personally I didn't think Johnny had enough room to act ... He's making so much money. There was a piece in the Huffington Post today. It's a letter saying 'All right, come on, we all love you, but stop.' ... It's like, 'Come on. You've got the power to make some really good films happen. Why are you doing this shit?'" — Terry Gilliam on Johnny Depp. [NY Mag]
• "Chris Kattan wanting to be a leading man is a joke, and it's a great way to poke fun of myself. It's not so much about finding a gig but good, respectful gigs." — Chris Kattan, on his role in Bollywood Hero, in which he decides to head to India and reinvent himself as the star of a Bollywood epic, Peculiar Dancing Boy. [USA Today
• "My priorities have shifted completely, which has helped my career because there's this new peace that I have. If I never did anything again, I would be a mom and I'd be totally happy being a mom. Everything has fallen into place so beautifully because I'm not trying so hard. If my daughter's OK, I can concentrate on something else. So it's not like all day I'm thinking about me." — Milla Jovovich. [LA Times]
• "If this article comes out and we're not together, I'd still love [Tony]," she says. "And he'd still be a huge part of who I am today." — Jessica Simpson, to Glamour magazine. [NY Daily News]
• The thing is that American Idol obviously appeals to a massive audience, and they have everything from little teenagers that freak out and scream when they see me. Then there's the sort of weird kids that were a little bit different and alternative than everyone else and were getting into Idol, too. You have the single moms. You have the Oprah audience. You have the grandmothers. You have women that want a baby. Women that want to fuck you. Women that want you to fuck their daughter or people that want to make you cookies. So you have everything. But I'll tell you, I definitely have a pretty hard-core sort of middle-age woman following. It's awesome when anyone follows, but I think that if I had a new hit on the radio and I was playing shows, you'd see a lot more of the teeners there, but the women that are dedicated, that travel all over the country to see me, are from 30 to 50 and some older, definitely. You know that's all been really great and fun, but I'm very focused on the work and eventually settling down and finding one nice girl, preferably Greek." — Constantine Maroulis, former Idol contestant and current Broadway star in Rock Of Ages.[The Daily Beast]

[Brentwood, California; February 2. Image via Flynet]

[Beverly Hills, CA. January 11. Image via Getty]

[Malibu, November 25. Image via x17]

[Los Angeles, September 27. Image via Flynet]