• On Sunday, Michelle Wie won her first LPGA tour title. This was her 65th LPGA tour event, and while she had finished second six times, she had never managed a win. ''Wowww-w-w ...... never thought this would feel THIS great!!!!" she said on Twitter. • President Obama told - not asked - Burma's junta to free pro-democracy leader Suu Kyi at a recent summit with the Burmese prime minister. •  A Zambian reporter has been acquitted of pornography charges, which could have held a five year sentence if she had been convicted. The so-called porn possessed by Chansa Kabwela was actually photographs of a mother giving birth in a car park, which Kabwela did not publish but instead sent out to women's rights groups. • The suburban swim club outside Philadelphia that was accused of discrimination earlier this year has announced plans to declare bankruptcy. The club reportedly asked several children not to return because of "racial animus" expressed by a member. But the swim club's president denies that their closing has anything to do with the legal proceedings. •  A bushfire on the Steve Irwin Wildlife Reserve has turned the area into an "animal graveyard." Some blame Terri Irwin for improperly managing the property, but Irwin blames it on pig hunters, who she claims were probably trying to clear the land. •  A recent study published in the British Medical Journal found that current policies to reduce teen pregnancies are simply not working. The study also linked certain factors to teen pregnancy, including dislike of school, poverty, unhappy childhoods and low expectations for the future. •  For the first time in decades, the U.S. skating team has no clear-cut Olympic medal contender. "In the past, we've had Michelle Kwan, Peggy Fleming and Dorothy Hamill year after year, and every time we felt that they were going to win the gold medal," said David Ruth, executive director of US Figure Skating. "But when Michael Jordan left the N.B.A, they were looking for a new star, and we're looking for a new star." • Researchers have found that texting may be linked to neck pain, caused primarily by the hunched-over body position favored by serial texters. • Doctors are hopeful that a vaccine for chlamydia isn't far away. However, previous research has shown that injections don't work very well, so a vaccine may come in the form of a vaginal cream or spray. •  Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi has pissed off some 200 Italian women after he placed an ad recruiting "attractive girls between 18 and 35 years old" for an "event." While most expected a party, the event turned out to be a two hour lesson intended to convert them to Islam. •  A recent report touts the benefits of distributing contraceptives in Uganda. The report estimates that meeting just half of Ugandan women's unmet needs for contraceptives would yield dramatic health benefits, including an expected 21% decline in maternal deaths. • Angie Young's film The Coat Hanger Project tells the story of how abortions have actually become increasingly less accessible in the decades since Roe vs. Wade. One good example: the Stupak amendment. You can take action against the pro-choice Democrats who supported the amendment by signing a petition to send them a coat hanger. • The Association of Chief Police Officers in England and Wales has proposed a domestic violence register to track an estimated 25,000 serial abusers. The register would allow people to look up a man's history including convictions and unproven allegations. The Association is also pushing for the creation of a "course of conduct" offense to make it easier to go after serial offenders, even if there isn't enough evidence to prosecute each individual case. • Janet Clark went to a British hospital because she believed she'd gone into labor in her 25th week of pregnancy, but a doctor and four midwives told her to go home. The next day she went back and was told to go home again, and then started giving birth on the toilet. "A pregnant woman shouldn't have to plead with medical staff," said Clark, who had a healthy baby boy. • In a study 54 Caucasian subjects were asked to manipulate the skin color of male and female faces on a computer screen to make them appear as healthy as possible. Most increased the rosiness, yellowness, and brightness of the skin. "In the West we often think that sun tanning is the best way to improve the color of your skin," said researcher Dr. Ian Stephen, "But our research suggests that living a healthy lifestyle with a good diet might actually be better." The study didn't address what makes non-white faces appear healthier and attractive. • Researchers found that in business, gender is a factor in measuring a team's performance, but but not the leaders themselves. In industries in which most leadership positions are held by men, people will expect more of teams led by men, but expectations of the leaders themselves are not influenced by gender. • In an interview on CBS' Early Show Mary Lou Quinlan, author of What She's Not Telling You: Why Women Hide the Whole Truth and What Marketers Can Do About It, says women tell "half truths" about "anything with a number in it. Their age, their weight, how many drinks they had." • In a new interview with CBS News, Laura Bush said Texas feels like it's a million miles away from Washington. "...Not that I ever felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, or that George did when I lived there — but when it was gone, I could notice it," she said. "There's a great feeling of freedom." •

Of Palin, Laura Bush said,

Well I think that's just something she needed to determine and she did. And, you know, everyone has to respect the decision she made. She, like a whole lot of people, other people that get into politics, find out it's a great big world when you get in the politics and, um, I wish her the very best.

You too can achieve such blandness, and many other fun speech effects, with the many Republican translators below.

Laura Bush

In order to talk like the FFLOTUS (which in Welsh means, "a breakfast dish made with cod"), simply replace every concrete noun with an abstract noun. Then, replace every adjective with something positive, yet vague. Here's an example:

English: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Laura: The terrific wonderful thing jumps over the great idea.

For extra verisimilitude, deliver all statements with a glazed-over, faraway expression, as though staring at a point three feet behind your interlocutor's head.

Sarah Palin

The Sarah Palin translator is a little more complicated. First, add to each sentence a metaphor or simile that is entirely unrelated to the topic at hand. Next, add at least two superfluous prepositions or helping verbs. Finally, include a mention of an Alaskan animal. And obviously drop all the g's. Observe:

English: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Palin: The quick old salmon is doin some jumpin over that lazy grizzly bear over there, like a point guard stealin a snowmachine from a Cheechako.

Lindsey Graham

In Grahamese, all sentences begin with a disingenuous expression of support, and end with a condescending question. To whit:

English: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Graham: Now I like you, you hear, but I have to tell you that the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog, do you understand that?

Ann Coulter

Leave everything the same, but add something horrifically offensive as a parenthetical aside.

English: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Coulter: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog (who is stealing from hard-working American dogs, and deserves to be put down).

Finally, in the manner of "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County," we'd like to translate Laura Bush into Sarah Palin and then back to Laura again.

Laura Bush: Well I think that's just something she needed to determine and she did. And, you know, everyone has to respect the decision she made. She, like a whole lot of people, other people that get into politics, find out it's a great big world when you get in the politics and, um, I wish her the very best.

Sarah Palin: Well I've been thinkin that's just somethin she's going to be needin to determine, like a majestic moose bleedin to death in the Alaskan sunrise. And, you know, every grizzly bear out there has to be respectin that decision she was makin, because that's what separates the glaciers from the pitbulls. She, like a whole lot of other people in this great country of ours, other people that have been gettin into politics, find out its a a great big hockey rink when you get in the politics, and, ya know, only the dead fish makes the basket.

Laura Bush: Terrific.

FFLOTUS Defends Palin [The Page]
Laura Bush Talks About Sarah Palin on Fox News [The Page]
Laura Bush, Part 2 [Fox News]
Laura Bush Gives Michelle Obama A Thumbs-up [Houston Chronicle]

• Stephen Colbert taped his first show from Baghdad yesterday, allowing General Ray Odierno to shave his head, declaring victory and not watering his act down in some insincere effort at sincerity. [NY Times]

• Sarah Palin, while introducing professional conservative Michael Reagan at an event in Alaska, may have paraphrased from a paper written by Newt Gingrich about Ronald Reagan, according to Geoffrey Dunn (who is writing what everyone expects will be an unflattering book about the Alaska Governor). Her lawyers say — correctly — that she actually cited the paper when giving the speech, and some day we'll all realize that specious attacks against Palin sap credibility from the good ones. [CBS, Huffington Post]
• Newt Gingrich isn't calling Judge Sonia Sotomayor a "racist" anymore. He's decided that he'll get in less trouble by just implying she's a racist because the actual racists in America will understand his code. Unfortunately for Newt, so do the rest of us. [Politico]
• He then completed his 180 degree flip-flop by stating that Republicans should "shrug off" ideological purists, by which he means "other ideological purists." [Politico]
• Former First Lady Laura Bush likes Sotomayor, so Rush Limbaugh is preparing a full-throated takedown of her for being uppity and speaking out of turn. Or not. [Associated Press]
• We're apparently about to start stopping North Korean weapons shipments. Umm, I'm not sure that "better late than never" really applies here. [CBS News]
• Hillary Clinton is trying to warn Iran against behaving like North Korea, which will likely be entirely effective. [UPI]
• She now says Obama has passed her "3 a.m." test, and admitted she initially turned down the role of Secretary of State but changed her mind after Obama kept after her. He's one charming motherfucker. [CNN]

Jacqueline Kennedy liked opulent, French-inspired arrangements and experimented with vegetables. Nancy Reagan had a strong preference for Venus peonies in soft, blush colors. Barbara Bush loved loose, natural-looking arrangements with lavender, bluebells and blue pine. Hillary Clinton had an affinity for tropical flowers… Laura Bush had more classic taste and often used the ornate pieces from the White House antique vermeil collection. As for the Obamas? "They are more youthful... so we gear things a little bit younger. A lot more color, brighter colors, happier colors." [WSJ]

The audience sided with Ru. He posited that with Michelle Obama in the spotlight, there's no room in this country for peroxide blonde airheads. "It's okay for a woman to be smart again," he said. "We have a strong, incredible woman in the White House." Naturally, Hasselbeck had to quibble and nitpick and say that Laura Bush is strong, too… But when RuPaul asserted that history will prove that Michelle Obama is the strongest we've ever had, applause erupted. Clip above; fantasy in which a flawlessly madeup bewigged, high-heeled RuPaul kicks Hasselbeck's ass? Only in my head.

• Michelle Obama wore Tracy Feith yesterday. She has yet to warn any designer what she's wearing — which is kind of awesomely normal. It must be the best surprise one could get. [WWD]

• There's a slick "behind-the-scenes" video of Madonna's shoot for Louis Vuitton. Marc Jacobs explains his casting choice, and our girl from Detroit says she thinks MJ is "kinda hot" in her weird pan-European accent. [The Life Files]
• Remember when pink-obsessed Russian orange juice oligarch heiress/designer Kira Plastinina’s chain of stores was depressing because it proved the wealthy will get ahead regardless of talent and cutting taxes for billionaires only encourages them to do dumb-shit things like giving 15-year-olds stores to "run"? Well, now it's depressing because the recession is here and suddenly the rich not having more money than they know what to do with is, you know, A Problem. Less than one year (and one Sweet Sixteen party with Chris Brown) after its US launch, the firm is in bankruptcy court, owing over $54 million. Employees were turfed out on the street. Russia! magazine has a timeline. I suggest you use it to occupy your forebrain as you ponder the moral correctness of feeling schadenfreude at the expense of a schoolgirl. [Russia!]
• Michelle Obama might be at NY Fashion Week. She certainly will soon be entertaining overtures from Fern Mallis, the IMG vice-president who runs the event. Mallis wants to propose some charity initiatives that would be a good fit for the new first lady. [NY Mag]
• Imagine what an impact she could have on fashion week during this economy of lowered expectations: Yesterday, in addition to crashing J. Crew's site with her choice of gloves, Michelle Obama made Isabel Toledo and Jason Wu the 70th and 11th most-searched terms on the internet. [NY Times]
• As my mother would say, some people just have no class. "Designers" are already lining up to copy Wu and Toledo's inaugural looks. [NY Daily News]
• Whatever happens, don't expect this fashion week to be like fashion weeks past. As you know, there's a general trend away from the Bryant Park tents and towards cheaper presentations in designers' own spaces, or towards group shows to split costs. Also pretty much nobody is having an afterparty. However, registrations and sponsorships are about the same as last season, and the total number of fashion week events is only down to 197, from 225 one year ago, so...maybe it won't be so bad? [WSJ]
• Giorgio Armani showed the quilted pants that he claimed Dolce & Gabbana ripped off in Milan; now there's a photo for comparison. They look like two pairs of pants that are ugly in the same way. [Guardian]
• Hussein Chalayan has sensible advice for aspiring fashion designers: the most important thing — even and perhaps especially in these days of Lauren Conrad and Project Runway contestants, more memorable for referring to themselves in the third person than any garment they may have sewed — is not to become your own brand. It's to make good clothes. And to learn how to work as part of a team. Hussein Chalayan is wise. [Elle UK]
• Coach's profits fell 14% in the last quarter of 2008, and the company is scaling back its expansion plans as a result. Ali Michael was paid a reported $50,000 to shoot Coach's fall 2009 campaign last week. [WSJ]
• NOOOOOOOO! Filene's Basement is to close almost a third of its stores. Damn you, recession. Don't they understand that now more than ever do we need designer wares at 90% off! I will go and cry into the hem of my latest Filene's find now. [Boston Globe]
• Scott Schuman's The Sartorialist is to become a photography book. [Reuters]

The simple yet brilliant idea was dreamed up by one Andrew Jones, an automotive industry consultant whose wife "had" to fly to New York from Palm Beach to make sure she'd have a unique getup for some charity function. According to Politico, " the site includes a place where users can log the designer, color, length, neckline description, material and other characteristics of their dresses. There's even a spot to upload a photo."

So far a hundred ladies have registered gowns — understandable when you consider that Laura Bush had to change when she showed up at the 2006 Kennedy Center honors to find three other dames in the same Oscar de la Renta. (And shouldn't the protocol have been for the other ladies to change? Maybe she lived closer.) After all, there are only so many beaded, mother-of-the-bride apropos Washington-style dresses in the world! The Star-Telegram confirms the frump factor: "Registered dresses are mostly ankle length, many with plunging necklines. Labels range from an ankle-length blue dress by Banana Republic to a scoop-neck, to-the-floor ivory gown by Halston. Shades of purple, orange and red seem to outnumber the old classic, black."

While the success of the scheme obviously depends on everyone registering their outfits - which we simply can't see grandes dames of a certain age doing — it's a smart modification of something some upscale stores have been doing for years; and what is, after all, standard practice for designers. In order for the concept to really take off, it will probably have to work in concert with those populations. Actually, while we can see how it would make sense for a press-heavy event like the inauguration, the natural market for something like this seems to be high school proms. Think about it: a tech-savvy population drawing on a much smaller pool of options, with probably more humiliating duplication consequences. Can you imagine the rush to claim the choicest Betsey Johnsons, the pouffiest Jessica McClintock? While this would obviously lead to a few brats putting dibs on numerous dresses and then making a decision at the last second, well, who's to say some senator's wife isn't doing the exact same thing? The internet can bring out some people's dark sides.

DressRegistry.com [Official Site]
Web Site Lets Women Register Their Inaugural Dresses [Star-Telegram]

Say Bye Bye To Dress Duplicates [Politico]

• The Bidens plan to add to their household by getting another puppy from the pound. Double puppy snuggles! [Huffington Post]

• Rod Blagojevich says he's, like, totally innocent and is definitely not going to resign so that he has something to offer prosecutors in his eventual plea deal [Politico]
• Hillary's pay cut is final. [CNN]
• In better news, she might create a post at the State Department for Iran outreach, without even insisting that Iran accede to all our demands first [Washington Independent]
• Plenty of people seem to be ticked about Ron Kirk's appointment to USTR because he's not anti-trade enough. [The Hill]
• James Carville is trying to get more donations for Media Matters, since it's difficult to raise money in this economic climate, and is using the conservatives linking Obama and Blagojevich to do it. [The Hill]
• Al Sharpton is defending the selection of Rick Warren to say a prayer at the inauguration, since he hasn't gotten enough media attention by meeting with Caroline Kennedy this week. [Huffington Post]
• Al Franken is up in the Minnesota Senate recount, though, which might end by 2010. [Think Progress]
• Bush unveiled his auto bailout, but Ford's not opting in [BBC]
• The National Portrait Gallery unveiled the portraits of George and Laura Bush. Laura's got some sort of soft focus thing going on that Barbara Walters hopes to patent in film-format soon. [National Portrait Gallery]

In contrast to the rest of the White House gang, says Varadarajan, Laura Bush will be missed. No one's ever really minded Laura Bush much; in fact, she's been noteworthy for the lack of strong feelings she's elicited. Sure, "Stepford" has been tossed around — but she was never Cindy McCain fun — and with her vaguely not-anti-choice sentiments and "stand" against the Burmese junta, she's not so gung-ho ideological as a Palin. And let's face it, given what she was allied with, plenty of people would have kept a low profile. This, in Varadarajan's view, were her strengths: those of an "old-fashioned First Lady" who took a back seat to her husband's antics. Did she deceive a nation into war? Well, no. And subvert the justice system? Not as such. Did she oversee the biggest financial meltdown in history? Negative. Well, when you put it that way, you're right, she's great! Hence, one of the most patronizing paragraphs ever written:

Laura Bush was self-effacing by choice, and by an exquisite understanding of her role in the White House...Mrs. Bush is of a certain American type: wholesome, inclined to good works, a homemaker and mother, a supporter of the man she married, a smiling hostess. She is not flashy or colorful, overly intellectual or palpably shrewd, demonstrably independent or politically aggressive.

Which, he feels, is how a First Lady should be.

My guess, as America changes, is that the Laura Bush type will fade away, and that more and more first ladies will be (however one interprets the phrase) "people in their own right"—and thus, potentially, a huge pain to the body politic. (Think Cherie Blair ...) There is some danger that Michelle Obama, a forthright and independent woman, could hew more to the Hillary model than to the Laura Bush way —although her demeanor in the election campaign suggests that she's not unaware of the public boundaries that Hillary, as first lady, failed to respect.

If Varadarajan is hoping the tragically "forthright and independent" Michelle Obama will hew to the Laura Bush mold, he's in for a rude shock. First Ladies are, I fear, very much "people in their own right" and, dare I say it, we take this into account when we cast our ballots. (If he wanted to get into a serious discussion of the real issue of partnership and responsibility in a more complex age — which he obviously does not — I'd argue that the very "shrewdness" and personality he bemoans has, not shockingly, correlated with an increase in public exposure. No one is being "tricked" into a puppet government here.) Because, it may appall him to know, some people like the idea of a leader whose marriage allows for partnership and mutual influence.

In an ideal world, yes, we could patronize First Ladies — the international model, in some ways, for American women — who hewed to the "certain American type" of docile dim-wits he seems to have derived vaguely from 1950s sitcoms. Because, while, as he tells us, this is how First Ladies have been for the past 60 years (neatly stripping them of any struggles, strengths and personality), a First Lady unwilling — or unable — to involve herself with her husband's government is, tragically, probably a thing of the past. Which is too bad: the Bush presidency, helmed by this archetype, turned out so well!

In Praise of Laura Bush [Forbes]

[Washington, D.C., December 15. Image via AP]

With Santa Claus looking on, First lady Laura Bush, center, flanked by Dania Jecty, 11, left, and Elmer Reyes, 13, reads a holiday story book to patients and parents at Children's National Medical Center in Washington, Monday, Dec. 15, 2008. Both are patients at the hospital. (AP Photo/Staff)

• Though Laura did admit she disagreed with George about abortion, like Daum says, don't expect her to publicly bash most of what George did in office. She's clearly a very loyal wife, and I think has too much of a sense of decorum to disavow her husband's disastrous Presidency.
• Do expect her to talk more about the good work she did in the White House, like her initiatives on education, books, and women's health.
• Don't expect her to dish too much dirt on her daughters, Jenna and Barbara. Though there may be a warm or irreverent anecdote or two, like when Laura told her biographer Ann Gerhart about how "then-20-year-old Jenna Bush call[ed] her father right before he was to deliver the post-9/11 State of the Union address to announce she'd lost the sticker for her car," Laura will not be talking about that time Jenna got arrested for underage drinking.
• Do expect her to throw at least one curve ball. I would wager that she dishes about one of two things. 1. the tragic car accident she got into as a 17-year-old girl. Laura hit another car being driven by a classmate of hers and he died in the crash. She allegedly had a crush on the guy. 2. George's alcoholism. Everyone already knows that George used to be a huge lush and then found Jesus. She may reveal her reaction to George's substance abuse, because it's just adding emotional content to something that's widely known already.
• Don't expect her to reveal overmuch about the inner workings of her husband's administration. She'll probably talk about 9/11 and the events surrounding it, but the only secrets from inside the White House we'll get from Laura will likely be about draperies.

Of course, it's possible I've misjudged the situation. Maybe Laura's fed up enough to go rogue and write a bonkers tell-all where she discusses what George's lil' W looks like. Maybe it will have as much salacious detail as Sittenfeld's fictionalized interpretation of Laura, American Wife. Laura will be on Meet The Press this Sunday, and perhaps she'll give us a little taste of her autobiographical naughties. What would you like to hear Laura reveal in her forthcoming memoir?

Laura Bush Confirms She's Shopping A Book Proposal [USA Today]
Bushes' Books [LA Times]
The Perfect Wife: The Life and Choices of Laura Bush [Amazon]
Why I Love Laura Bush [Salon]
On The Sunday Shows [Time]

Earlier: Social Awkwardness, Long Odds & Sarah Palin: A Chat With Curtis Sittenfeld

• Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated: Dunzo. He's left her for a German model; she's admitted that it was never going to last and that they were "only together for sex." Keep in mind that this report comes from a terribly disreputable paper. [News Of The World, Page Six]
• By the by, Blake Fielder-Civil's jail sentence appeal was refused by two judges. [The Sun]
• "Impeccable" sources say Guy Ritchie is banking $70 million of Madonna's money as part of the divorce settlement. That kind of cash will buy a lot of rounds at the pub! [Perez Hilton]
• Oy, Alex Rodriguez is a "Kabbalah school dropout." Madonna will not be happy about this. [MSNBC]
• That was quick: Michael Jackson has settled his court case in which be was being sued by a sheikh. [BBC News]
• Bloody hell. The Twilight sequel has been greenlit. [UPI]

• Brad and Angelina's family is just as cute and perfect in real life as they claim to be. [Page Six]
• OMG Barbara and Jenna Bush helped take Sasha and Malia Obama on a tour of the White House and all of the girls totally jumped on the beds! Says Laura Bush: "They're really tall beds; you need to get a running start." [People]
• Will Leona Lewis team up with Beyoncé and Jay-Z for Barack Obama's inauguration concert? [The Sun]
• Larry Rudolph, Britney Spears' longtime manager, discusses her documentary: "There just came a moment where she decided to get up, brush herself off and move forward. She had hit a low point in her life. She realized that and everybody else realized that. She wanted to get to a better place." Plus, there's A clip! [LA Times]
• Britney made an unexpected appearance in court Friday for a hearing on her ongoing conservatorship. [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Alba ate Nutella crepes at a downtown Manhattan restaurant, where the staff said the meal was "on the house," so she left a $200 tip. Classy. [Page Six]
• In this in-depth piece about Nicole Kidman, we learn that while Keith Urban is on tour and Nic rides around in the tour bus, "She likes to sneak away and go to people's garage sales. 'All I need is a hat, and I go,' she says. She bought little ceramic candle holders at one sale, she says, and embroidered Christmas stockings at another, 'when it wasn't anywhere near Christmastime. I love it.'" [Washington Post]
• Johnny Depp's movie took over a highway in Wisconsin; the detour traffic made a road collapse. Whoops! [AP]
• Ooh: Today is the day that Boy George is due to stand trial; he's accused of assaulting and falsely imprisoning a male escort. [The Star]
• How do people in the Bronx feel about the name Ashlee and Pete Wentz chose for their baby boy? Not impressed. [NY Times]
• "Bronx is beyond precious. I'm over the moon with joy," says Jessica Simpson. "Life is a beautiful miracle. Ashlee and Pete are healthy, happy and enjoying every moment." Cool, cool. Do people really say "over the moon"??? [UPI]
• Nicolette Sheridan, who ended her engagement to Michael Bolton about three months ago, was seen making out with "Hollywood Lothario" David Spade Friday night. Just let that image settle in. [Star]
• Even though Michael Phelps has professed his love for McDonald's, he has a deal promoting Subway. How did the sandwich chain land the deal? [AdAge]
• Illeana Douglas has a (laminated) message for the paparazzi, you should click and see. [DListed]
• Pleasure principle: Janet Jackson is going to take a break from music to focus on having a baby with her boyfriend Jermane Dupri. [Daily Express]
• The economy takes no prisoners: The Tyra Banks Show is moving to the CW's afternoon block after being in syndication for four seasons. Stations have been making budget cuts, so Tyra's production schedule will be cut to 26 weeks from 34. [Reuters]
• Natasha McElhone says her mission now, besides acting and providing for her family, is to complete some of the work her late husband, a doctor, began: "to finish his life, to finish his unfinished business." [LA Times]
• In this interview with Stephen Colbert, he discusses meeting Eleanor Holmes Norton (the District's delegate in Congress): "I felt so dirty. I felt like a piece of meat. I find being a piece of meat very exciting. In my last life, I think I was a veal cutlet." [Washington Post]
• Paris Hilton has been "constantly texting" Benji Madden and trying to show up at clubs where he is supposed to be. [Mirror]
• You can buy a silk couch owned by Jenna Jameson on eBay if you have $9,500 to spare. It's pearl gray. [DListed]
• Even though the economy is in the crapper, there's stuff celebrities won't give up: Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss needs her coffee; Jessica Biel must travel first class; Hilary Swank gets facials; supermodel/ANTM judge Twiggy must have pink Champagne, and much more [WWD]
• Dora The Explorer is getting a new voice: Will kids notice? [Page Six]
• Blind items: 1. Which ex-couple — an actor and a model — still share some aspects of their sex life? Both are known to sleep with a famous Lower East Side topless dancer who has a reputation of never going home alone. 2. Which TV host has such good rapport with his fetching female co-host that his wife has correctly guessed they're having an affair? [Page Six]
• No Doubt: On tour, summer 2009. [People]
• Ben Stiller and Chris Rock: "Israel is better than Hollywood." [AP]
• Dita Von Teese is suing Macmillan Publishers, which printed Patti O'Shea's In Twilight's Shadow, a paranormal romance novel about demon hunting. For some reason, Dita's face is on the cover. She certainly did not give permission. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Now that the Daily Mail has apologized to David Duchovny for printing a story about him having an affair with his tennis instructor, Duchovny's dropped his $1 million lawsuit. [E!]
• Travis Barker is suing the owner and makers of the "defective" Learject that crashed September 19, killing four and leaving him and DJ AM with severe burns. [Yahoo News via E!]
• So you know how Michael Lohan — Lindsay's dad — was going to box for charity? The parole board has stepped in, saying the boxing match can't happen because he spent 20 months in prison for attempted assault. Whoops! [Yahoo News]
• Will the Golden Globes not happen again this year? Last year is was a writers' strike; this year a Screen Actors Guild strike could cancel the event. [Fox News]
• Hollywood veterans and experts from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology are spending $25 million on a lab called The Centre for Future Storytelling. Matt Damon is involved. [Times Of London]
• Lily Allen sought therapy after her miscarriage: "I was in a very, very dark place after the whole thing happened. That was the toughest thing I've had to go through in my life. [Therapy] is really, really helping me. I feel it's getting better and everything's going to be OK." [Mirror]
• Crazy stuff in this Q&A with Quincy Jones: His dad worked as a carpenter for the black mob, and in 1974 Q had two brain aneurysms. Oh, and Q talks about Frank Sinatra: "[He] was one of those guys where he liked you or he didn't. I got to know the Frank that nobody wrote about, the guy who visited Billie Holiday in the hospital to make sure her bills were paid and who took care of Amos and Andy when they were down on their luck. He was a stand-up guy who didn't see color, and that was rare back then." [Newsweek]
• Padma Lakshmi went to see the Foo Fighters and Dave Grohl dragged her on stage; she ended up playing tambourine with the band and getting hit on by Taylor Hawkins. [Page Six]
• Meg Ryan's Bel-Air house is for sale, if you have $19.5 million to spare. You get 6,877 square feet, a pool, spa, and guest house. [TMZ]
• Cedric the Entertainer may not be the obvious first choice for a Broadway drama, but he's getting good buzz for being in the David Mamet play American Buffalo. [NY Times]
• Cops are looking for a "Casanova conman" who claims links to Heath Ledger, Robert De Niro and Keith Urban and has left broken hearts and empty wallets across Australia. [News.com.au]
• Wow. A Keith Richards easy listening album. With a jazz version of "Over The Rainbow. Wow. [Telegraph]
• A doozy of a headline: "Camilla Admits To 'Letting Herself Go' Since She Married Charles... And Vows To Take Up Tai Chi As A New Year's Resolution." Lulz. [Daily Mail]
  
• Warren Beatty is suing over the rights to comic strip detective Dick Tracy. Apparently he's working on a Dick Tracy TV special? Who knew? [Reuters]
• Paul Newman's will was made public and he left his personal property, including real estate, to his wife, Joanne Woodward. His Oscars and other awards went to the Newman's Own Foundation; his airplane and race cars will be sold, with proceeds going to his estate. [AP]
• A Smashing Pumpkins show has been postponed; Billy Corgan's sick! [UPI]
• Billy Zane's parents closed down the Chicago med school they owned, leaving some students in the lurch. [UPI]
• Enya: Might tour for the first time ever. [Reuters]
• Oh, good (oh God?): The Vatican's newspaper has finally forgiven John Lennon for declaring that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ. Plus, The paper says the Beatles made music that is better than "standardized, stereotypical" songs being produced today. [Reuters, AP]
• Speaking of the Beatles, Paul McCartney says his conflict with John Lennon was over before the singer was shot. [UPI]
• investigators say Olivia Newton-John's missing boyfriend probably drowned while on a fishing trip. [News.com.au]
• A man who waved Samurai swords at a Hollywood Scientology building had a "previous relationship" to the church; he was shot and killed by a security guard. [AP]
• Rocker Bryan Ferry is dating his son's ex-girlfriend. The Roxy Music star is 63; the lady in question is 27 and his son is 22. A "pal" says the lady had fling with the son about 5 years ago. Yuck. [The Sun]
• Jodie Sweetin has filed for legal separation from her husband but is "trying to stay positive for Zoie," their 7-month-old daughter. [People]
• Why is a letter Princess Diana wrote to her royal footman on her honeymoon up for sale? And how sad is it that she mentions how "terribly lonely" she is? [Daily Mail]
• Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster are trying for a baby. Yeah, he's 63, so what? [Mirror]
• "Ever since her Oscar nomination, Sophie Okonedo has been offered plenty of 'mini-skirted girlfriend' parts. But she'd much rather stay home and do nothing." [Telegraph]
• Blackadder: a Christmas comeback. [The Star]
• A New York rabbi paid $2500 at an auction to go out with ice skating queen Oksana Baiul. He says: "Well, I'm single, it's for charity, and she seems like a nice Jewish girl. I guess I'm the luckiest guy in my congregation." [Page Six]
• "My son would have been at that rally in Chicago when the first African- American president was elected, and I'm sure he would have gone up onstage and grabbed the microphone as only he could." — Ol' Dirty Bastard's mom. [Page Six]
• "I got drunk and lied to him. I said 'I've lost my keys and I can't wake my mum. Can I stay on your sofa?' He went to brush his teeth. I took my clothes off and jumped in his bed. It's the only way I can ever get together with people." — Lily Allen on her seduction technique. [Mirror]
• "I laugh when people say we don't get on. Of course we row. But we are best friends as well as partners. I don't think we'd know what to do without each other." — Kate "Jordan" Price on her relationship with her husband, Peter Andre. [The Sun]
• "Axl's a friend, and I don't want to compromise that. But as for 'fun' crazy: He wrote his (half) brother, Stuart, a $25,000 check every day to throw these lavish theme parties. It was like, we're in Indianapolis, so there were Formula One cars everywhere, with all the girls dressed up in pit-crew uniforms. It was decadence at the highest level I'd ever seen, a Caligula kind of outlandishness. There were orgies, sure. Was I involved? Yes. Well, I was in the same room — we'll leave it at that." — Lars Ulrich on being on tour with Axl Rose and Guns N Roses back in the day. [Perez Hilton]
• "Something else comes out of you when you become a parent and, as you get older, you start to see more character in your face. Now, when I look at myself, I just see somebody at peace, and I see a mom, and I see my own relatives in my face – and that’s a kind of beauty that exists for everybody and doesn’t disappear." — Angelina Jolie. [Daily Mail]

[Washington, D.C., November 10. Images via Getty]

[NYM, Just Jared, TMZ]

What attracted you to Laura as a fictional construct in the first place? In the Times you've declared your love for her and I've read the Salon essay in which you first mention your admiration for her. You call her "a mastermind of stealth independence."
Basically I read these various articles about her, and realized that she was more complicated than I would have imagined. She and George Bush got married at the age of 31, and she was a democrat until she married him. She actually has some very liberal close friends, including a woman who’s a midwife in Berkeley. I think a lot of people, most people, are primarily friends with people who are of the same political persuasion as you are. I think it’s notable to be First Lady to a super conservative President and friends with midwife. She would invite people over when she was First Lady of Texas and when she was at the White House. Because she was such a great reader, she would invite writers to events, and they would have been on record as disagreeing with her husband. They just assumed that Laura had never read their books, but then they would show up and have realized she had read everything they'd ever written.

I’ve read all of your novels, and while Lee (from Prep) and Hannah (from The Man of My Dreams) are more cynical, all three heroines are quite shy and introverted. It seems like these sorts of introverted characters are not usually protagonists. What makes you gravitate towards them?
Well I think that the all the protagonists of my books are observant, because I can’t really imagine writing a novel that didn’t have an observant protagonist. What would be the point? I also think that I’m interested in social awkwardness, because it seems to illustrate or magnify these aspects of human behavior. So I would say that’s a lot of it: the things that interest me as a person.

Alice's shyness makes her incredibly ambivalent about her husband, Charlie's, ascendence to the Presidency. I was particularly taken with the observation she makes as narrator: "We did everything we could to get as many people as possible to pay attention to us, and it worked, and now we complain. Leave us alone, we say. Just like you, we’re entitled to privacy."
I feel like most people who are famous have actively pursued their fame, but some people are famous as a result of their relationship to someone else, and that’s always true for political families. For example, Sasha and Malia Obama didn’t choose to be famous, but now they are. It's the outsider question. To me it’s always more interesting to hear a story told from the perspective of an outsider, because an outsider notices things more, whereas an insider takes things for granted.

I read the Cindy McCain profile in this week's New Yorker as I was reading the American Wife, and it struck me that very few women really revel in being First Ladies. What sort of person does enjoy being a political spouse? Do you think Hillary liked it?
I think Hillary Clinton is a really interesting person because people have very strong reactions to her in terms of admiring her or disliking her. I think she was a good First Lady, but I think she’d actually be a better President than First Lady.

Ok, now I need to ask the obligatory question about what you think of our potential First Ladies, Cindy McCain and Michelle Obama.
There was an article on Cindy in the New York Times on August 23rd. It was the same day Biden was announced as Obama's VP pick so it didn't get as much press as it should have. I really urge anyone to read it, it raises a lot of questions about her professional involvement with her family’s company (ed. note: the article basically says that Cindy, "a private person" is an absentee chairwoman who cashes the checks from the beer distributorship she inherited but "has left scarcely a mark on the company.") Michelle Obama seems like a much more regular person. I just watched her on Ellen and I think she’s a good sport. You see her dance with Ellen, which Barack did too. It is interesting. Obviously because everything in politics is so scripted it makes us even hungrier to know people’s real selves, which we kind of can’t do.

Speaking of real and fictional selves, one thing I thought was really interesting, and one thing I’ve been thinking about with Sarah Palin, is how these details come out about you and become your “official biography” that everyone refers to. Like with Alice in American Wife, her father being a postal worker, which wasn’t even true, was seized upon by her husband's campaign. Do you ever wonder what details would emerge about you and become those sorts of talking points?
I’m not planning to run for office, but there are definitely certain details. This is a different kind of book than Prep or the Man of my Dreams. So there are different questions that come up over and over. There’s a set of questions with this book and a set that comes up with other books. There’s a tidbit that Prep was turned down by 14 out of 15 publishers, which is true, but misleading because it was sold within two weeks. It makes it sound like I struggled more than I did. Anyone who is writing about fiction writing likes stories about long odds.

Long odds makes me think of Sarah Palin. What's your take on her?
I wish she were a fictional construct. I’m not a fan of hers. But I certainly admit that she’s got a compelling life story.

American Wife [Amazon]
Curtis Sittenfeld [Official Website]
Imaginary First Lady Tells All [NYT]
Why I Love Laura Bush [Salon]
For McCains, a Public Path but Private Wealth [NYT]
Michelle Obama On Ellen [YouTube]

Earlier: Pussy, Parents And Puppies: A Q&A With Comedian Margaret Cho
This Is Not Chick Lit: A Q&A With Writer Janelle Brown
New Yorker Profile Shows Cindy McCain Is A Nouveau Betty Draper

• Punk queen Vivienne Westwood is releasing her first album! Well, sort of. "Conceptualised, compiled and art-directed by the designer personally, the album - which is being released by Mercury Records - features 16 of the favourite songs of fashion's grande dame, which, in typical Westwood style, are anything but predicable; think Last Night Was Made For Love by Billy Fury alongside Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers." [VogueUK]
• The fact that Christina Aguilera seems so totally stable these days doesn't bode well for her new fragrance, "Inspire." Aguilera says the scent "is a natural extension of herself." But who wants to smell like happily-married mom without a substance abuse problem these days? [USA Today]
• It's official! Debbie Phelps has signed an endorsement deal with Chico's! [WSJ]
• Kate Moss returns to the catwalk after four years! Again: Well, sorta. "Kate grabbed a top hat and cane to join Beth Ditto of The Gossip in the show which was hosted by Scissor Sisters' singer Ana Matronic, and attended by a cheering posse of the model's friends including boyfriend Jamie Hince." [This Is London]

• "Even as you read this, New York Fashion Week, debuting the spring 2009 collections, is unfurling on the Bryant Park runways, all but oblivious to the fact that most Americans are too busy choosing between food and fuel to worry about foulards versus fan pleats." [Village Voice]
• Menswear designer takes a page from Italian Vogue: "Carlos Campos is showing his first women's collection Monday during Fashion Week, and he's just announced he'll use only black models in the runway show at the Altman Building." Great, but ultimately can't using a mix of models just become standard? [NY Mag]
• Does footwear herald changes in Republicanland? "Mrs. Bush opted for comfortable, unexciting slingbacks while Mrs. McCain went with considerably higher, coquettish black peep-toe pumps." Palin, of course, favors Ferrari-red heels. [Observer]
• In other sartorial convention news, conservatives, unsurprisingly, dress conservatively. "No untamed hair, no rumpled, loose-fitting skirts and trousers made from varying blends of linen, hemp and flax. On men, no shirttails hanging out or low-slung, baggy shorts and pants." [StarTribune]
• In Britain, meanwhile, female politicians stay resolutely dowdy. [Telegraph]
• Lauren Conrad: down but not out! The plucky polymath has some fall designs back up on her site. [OhNoTheyDidn't]
• Designer Yigral Azrouel branches into condoms: “Having grown up with five sisters, causes related to women’s health and wellness are close to my heart. I love being able to apply my passion for design to raise awareness for Planned Parenthood®. My business is largely founded on designing for women, so it is really about taking that mindset and applying it to a product like PROPER ATTIRE® to figure out what appeals to a woman." I guess they've given up on condoms appealing to men. [NY Mag]
• We're mad at Target for dropping Isaac Mizrahi, but maybe he'll jazz up Liz Claiborne? [WWD]
• Ethically-produced jeans have made the leap from worthy to wearable. [Guardian]
• Yet another college comes to its senses: UNC drops out of Victoria's Secret college line. [USNews]
• Check it: the Gisele for Max Factor ads. [People]
• More deets on the Vena Cava/Via Spiga collab! [Sassybella]
• We bring peace to the Middle East! And by "peace" I mean "Payless Shoes." [WSJ]
• Calvin Klein's successor Francisco Costa: “I never thought of filling anybody’s shoes...That was never a consideration. Calvin did what he did. Am I Calvin? Absolutely not. Am I respecting the label? Yes. Am I doing what I am supposed to do? I think I am. Am I respecting myself? Yes. Am I having fun? Yes. Do I like being here? I love being here." [WWD]
• Is he responsible for CK's astronomical growth? [WWD]
• We all know how designers love playing editor! (see: Tom Ford.) "For Elle's October issue, The London Issue, four British designers have created their ultimate Elle covers." They include Luella Bartley, Giles Deacon, Gareth Pugh, and Matthew Williamson. [ElleUK]

MOE: So I just had a thought. A strategist on Fox News used the word "fulcrum" and it completely tripped up the blonde, who was like, "I'm still fascinated by that word you used Rich, fulcrum." And then the other guy was like, "Yeah, fulcrum what the heck does that mean?" And the strategist laughed
MOE: And said, "It's physics, Bob, it has to do with the Law of Conservation of Angular Momentum."
MOE: Which is not a law I particularly remember but it gave me this theory: I think that smart people become Republicans to feel smarter than all their friends.
MEGAN: Whoa, he even quoted that? I think today is a Big Word day because David Axelrod just used the word "potentate" on MSNBC talking about leaders in the Middle East and OPEC.

MEGAN: Okay, and now Joe Scarborough just called Tim Daly the Grand Poobah of the Creative Coalition.
MOE: What does that even mean?

MEGAN: Not that it's a definitive source, but Wiki says

Grand Poobah is a term derived from the name of the haughty character Pooh-Bah in Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado. In this comic opera, Pooh-Bah holds numerous exalted offices, including Lord Chief Justice, Chancellor of the Exchequer, Master of the Buckhounds, Lord High Auditor, Groom of the Back Stairs, and Lord High Everything Else. The name has come to be used as a mocking title for someone self-important or high-ranking and who either exhibits an inflated self-regard, who acts in several capacities at once, or who has limited authority while taking impressive titles.

MOE: Hahaha so it's a more appropriate name for an MC than I knew when I began immediately associating it with this awesome party jam...
MEGAN: Dude, that guy on the TV sorta looks like Kid from Kid N Play...
MOE: Oh dude speaking of amazing segues, apparently Grand Puba holds Nation Of Islam beliefs. Which brings me to Michelle Obama, of whom we now know the same thing thanks to the Grand Puba of paranoid indiscriminate hateration. We should totally form a Hitchens-inspired hip-hop collective. I know some rappers who would dig it. We would get on Stuffwhitepeoplelike IMMEDIATELY.

MEGAN: Oh, Christ, Hitchens takes so fucking long to get to the point, which is him calling Barack, basically, pussy-whipped. Which, obviously, any man that doesn't indiscriminately cheat on his long-suffering wife the way Hitchens does obviously is.
MEGAN: Did I ever mention that I once watched Hitchens leave a party with a really pretty 18 year old? She might've been 20. She had some crazy hero-worship in her eyes, but I'll bet he sweatily fucked that out of her with his stale cigarette smell and tiny British ween.
MOE: Man I was checking TheRoot for some response to the Hitch and the lead story is on "Why The Summer Of '88 Was My Generation's Greatest." The late eighties were so rad in a lot of ways, I'm just remembering. The End of History and the like. But it was also, like, one of the bleakest eras for American cities, which I kind of think represent the future of American pluralism, which apparently Michelle Obama didn't believe in in 1985, which is why we are now wondering if she isn't a radical bitterfascist.

MOE: And that is a very good read on the situation. I was honestly disgusted he chose to go after her fucking college thesis which is basically about how alienated and inferior she felt on account of all the elitist assholes at Princeton.
MOE: And he writes:

To describe it as hard to read would be a mistake; the thesis cannot be "read" at all, in the strict sense of the verb. This is because it wasn't written in any known language.

MOE: Which is true of most academic papers.
MEGAN: Man, I sort of wish I could've written about that for my college thesis. I had to write about the role of ideology in determining women's status in the labor market in Germany before and after reunification.
MOE: But not even of hers.
MOE: I dropped out, yay. I don't think I wrote a decent paper ever in my life after my treatise on the collapse of the Weimar Republic in tenth grade. After that it was all an alcohol haze. I wrote some good stories for the Journal that were better researched than any of my papers, however.
MEGAN: I picked a graduate school based on where I didn't have to write another thesis, which is why I ended up chucking my completed SAIS application in the garbage rather than sending it.

MOE: : This was Christian's take on Hitchens which sort of nicely unpeels the layers of disingenuousness:

What he's really saying is, I, the Hitch, know that people must necessarily allow contradictions into their lives, especially politicians, who typically do so cynically, but I am cynical enough myself to pretend that I don't know that, and so I can write a column that honestly admits that Obama really has nothing in common with his Reverend (did I mention that I, the Hitch, hate all churchees—I know politicians are only pandering to them, but it's fun to pretend they're not) but that his wife is a menace.
7:14 PM asserts that his wife is a menace anyway.

MEGAN: Also, I am not going to click that again because it is more than I can handle imagining Hitch having his taint waxed AND NOW I HAVE IMAGINED IT AGAIN and I think I might hate you a little, give me a second to wash the taste of bile out of my mouth and then let's change the subject.
MEGAN: Here, let's talk about Clinton saying that OPEC can no long be allowed to exist so she's going to file a WTO complaint even though, like, she's not so keen on free trade policies or something and I'm pretty sure there's no way it would succeed.
MOE: Ah, yeah so there is a bill to amend the Sherman Act to make oil-producing and exporting cartels illegal.
MOE: God, remember the fucking Sherman Act?

MEGAN: Which means, what? That we won't buy oil from OPEC anymore? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
MOE: Well, if the Heritage Foundation and major trade unions can agree on something...

Indeed, the only serious challenge to the organization came in 1978 when a U.S. non-profit labor association, the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers (IAM), sued OPEC under the Sherman Antitrust Act, in IAM v. OPEC. But the case was rejected in 1981 by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit. OPEC, the court affirmed, could not be prosecuted under the Sherman Act due to the foreign sovereign immunity protection it claimed for its member states. That decision was wrong. Government-owned companies that engage in purely business activities do not warrant sovereign immunity protection according to prevailing legal doctrines

MOE: Apparently the effort was led by William "Wimpy" Wimpsinger. I like that he took that "wimp thing" and sort of owned it. Do you think Hitchens cynically wants the Clintons back because it makes his job easier?

I have the distinct feeling that the Obama campaign can't go on much longer without an answer to the question: "Are we getting two for one?" And don't be giving me any grief about asking this. Black Americans used to think that the Clinton twosome was their best friend, too. This time we should find out before it's too late to ask.

MEGAN: Wait, so white man Christopher Hitchens would like Black America to know that the Obamas will... what exactly? Betray them like the Clintons? I think this is why I only read stuff he writes about him waxing his back, sack and crack.
MOE: Oh man hip-hop reference segue time #2 of the morning. Let's give a shout-out to Khia. Dude, the Hitchens inspired DJ collective is a total gold idea. I know these dudes Plastic Little who could get into it. They're biracial like Obama. But I think we've gotta address the notion of Burma, and how this cyclone hit just as Hollywood celebs were getting in on the action.
MEGAN: So, am I right that the appropriately white guilty thing to do is not talk about the oppressive government for a bit?
MOE: Here's the latest "That's So Jane's!" on the matter, God I love this graphic...Apparently you likened Burma to Katie Holmes.
MEGAN: Oppression shows its face in all kinds of dark ways.
MOE:

It's an Orwellian nightmare that makes China look like a liberal paradise by comparison. For twenty years there has been nothing on this scale and when protests have been staged they have been in the order of hundreds and have been easily dealt with. The monks posed a huge dilemma for the military since they initially felt that they could not simply resort to smashing skulls and opening fire indiscriminately. Buddhists believe that what you do in this life will determine how you come back next time. So massacring a few monks is more likely to see you come back as a cockroach than achieving nirvana.

MEGAN: Well, but they'll be born in China or India more often than not, so it's like they get reborn into a less oppressive regime?
MOE: Okay here's another thing. The last sentence of that Times story.

If you talk to Vaclav Havel, he'll say that Lou Reed's support for human rights in Czechoslovakia was very important to the cause."

MEGAN: Um, I guess the cool factor is really important?

MEGAN: But neither Ellen Page or Jim Carrey is Lou Reed.
MOE: Okay so there's a primary tonight and I'm sick of primary nights but I suppose we ought to address it. Hillary Clinton will win in Indiana because she's "not going to put my lot in with economists." Obama will win North Carolina because Petey Pablo is from there. Oh man, hip-hop foray part III. Do you remember when Petey Pablo did that remix of "North Carolina" on the USA after 9/11? I'm sure you won't, but some commenter might. I think he also went to Afghanistan. Okay. Any predictions?
MOE: Terry McAuliffe is on Fox right now. His prediction is that "people will be saying she did better in both states than they thought she would." Jesus Christ.
MEGAN: I predict me and a lovely bottle of Petite Sirah will be blogging it tonight for Glamocracy. And that I hate being wrong so I don't make predictions but it does seem like the polls are saying that Hillary will take Indiana and Obama will take NC.
MEGAN: Whoa, talk about managing expectations there, Terry Boy. I didn't think the polls in Indiana were that close, plus she's been standing in pickup trucks! Pickup trucks are like electoral gold in Indiana.
MOE: I'm going to leave us with a passage from David Brooks, because I found it calming, sort of like certain candidates.

This wasn't just shameless spin, it was shamelessness with a purpose. Clinton signaled that she wasn't going to concede even an inch to the vast elitist conspiracy. She wasn't going to feel guilty about ignoring the evidence. She was going to stomp on it, flay it and leave it a twisted mass of jelly quivering on the ground. She was going to perform the primordial duty of an alpha dog leader — helping one's own....But, as Sunday's contrast made clear, Obama still seems like a human being. He still seems to return each night to some zone of normalcy where personal reflection lives.He wasn't fully candid when answering questions about the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, but there are some inner guardrails that prevent the spin from drifting too far from the truth. Thoughtful and conversational, he doesn't seem to possess the trait that Clinton has: automatically assuming that critics are always wrong. Obama still possesses his talent for homeostasis, the ability to return to emotional balance and calm, even amid hysteria.

• Laura Bush gave a speech about Burma a.k.a. Myanmar and disaster preparedness and Jenna's wedding. Her lipstick was very well-applied. More than 10,000 people may die as a result of the cyclone. Harry built a limestone altar in Texas especially for the wedding. It will be "permanent" in contrast to many of the structures in Myanmar, where limestone and most other things are in short supply. The ruling junta is holding a referendum this weekend to solidify its control of their dirt- poor, isolated disaster zone and I guess this means they win. Governments that are more efficient when it comes to killing citizens than warning about floods always win in the short term. And also the medium term. [Huffington Post]
  
• Hey, speaking of nuptials/Third World personalities! Mariane Pearl might be Angelina Jolie's maid of honor. [Times Of India]
  
• The primary was so ugly, John and Cindy McCain couldn't bring themselves to vote for a candidate in 2000. [Huffington Post]
  
• Kind of similar situation with John and Elizabeth Edwards and Hillary and Obama. [TPM]

• A nun says Catholics like Hillary Clinton because they want to stick it to the Catholic Church for being so sexist. [Slate]
• Do you ever think how maybe back in the eighties Michelle Obama made a pact with Jeremiah Wright and Louis Farrakhan and Stokley Carmichael aka Kwame Toure to groom a charismatic neo Malcolm X figure only so they could later sacrifice him when he became too powerful and universally respected like something out of Malcolm X or like the Bible? Me neither, but that's sort of what Chris Hitchens seems to be saying. [Slate]
• The Rush Limbaugh Hillary Clinton lovefest is kind of cute in that sickening way true love is always kind of sickening. [Rush]
• Oh great now Germany is getting our jobs? [Indy Star]
• If you haven't been on food stamps or some other form of welfare yet you might as well go out tonight and pair an extravagant meal with an expensive bottle of wine because in all likelihood you are someday going to be impoverished, friends; just know it happens to the best 75% of us. [UPI]