Larry thought that if he could cast Cheryl as George's ex-wife, she'd be thankful for the role, and would want to take him back. Each one of the principal cast members were on the episode, but the best part of the show was Larry's interaction with Jason Alexander, who played George, the character based on Larry.

Evan Rachel Wood, of course, was in that god-awful Woody Allen film with M. David. She's doing her usual vampy 35-year-old-dame thing, which, also as usual, looks okay.


Sharon Lawrence , the hardest working woman in television (seriously, she's everywhere) does classic Talbots chic. Which has its place!


Michelle Forbes looks wary and ready for battle. She's a wise woman.


Perrey Reeves' dress would make me feel rather...constricted, but I'm funny about straps wrapped tightly around my throat.


I have the distinct impression that Mary Steenburgen's trousers were designed to be worn with heels. But from the knees up, nice going!


Susie Essman's getups always leave me wondering if she wears her own wardrobe on the show.


Cheryl Hines is, as usual, a bastion of sanity.

[Images via Getty]

• Britney shouted, "What's up London?" at a recent gig… In Manchester. Mancunians were irritated. [Daily Mail]

• Beyoncé backed out of a performance at a club in New York — and the club owner says he's already spent $100,000 preparing for the show. Lawsuit threat! [Page Six]
• Rihanna is expected in court on Monday as a witness in Chris Brown's assault case; her testimony will not be televised. [CNN]
• Angelina was taping Anderson Cooper 360 for World Refugee Day and said: "I usually just explain to [my kids] that there are other families in the world that aren't as fortunate as ours and other kids'...And so I tell them that it's important for all of us to do what we can and then go to these places and understand what's happening, Hopefully I'll take them to as many countries as I can and raise them with an education of the world." [E!]
• Here's a transcript of Anderson Cooper's interview with Angelina. [CNN]
• Oh for the love of God. Someone has their hands on a sex tape starring Leighton Meester — Blair from Gossip Girl — and it involves her "very talented feet." [TMZ]
• Jessica Alba has sent a donation to the United Way after defacing on of their billboards. Good idea! [E!]
• Sacha Baron Cohen wore a bull outfit in Spain yesterday. As you can see in this picture, his black costume had horns, a prominent penis and a hooves. He was attended by cute bullfighters. [USA Today]
• Katherine Heigl is staying on for season six of Grey's Anatomy. [E!]
• If Jill Scott is nominated for an Emmy for The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency and wins, she'll be the first African-American actress to have a best TV drama actress award. [LA Times]
• Dina Lohan, a little late on the uptake, has commented that her daughter Lindsay Lohan had nothing to do with the jewelry theft from an Elle photo shoot. Yeah. We know. Dina also says: "Last month her personal cell was posted online and now her phone messages have been hacked. This must stop. She is a 22-year-old girl who needs to live her life in peace. The tabloids need to leave her alone with all the lies and reporting with no proof." [People]
• Just what you always wanted: Jennifer Love Hewitt is writing a dating book called The Say I Shot Cupid. "I thought it was time to share the real story of what I've learned navigating the dating waters," she says. "Hopefully, in addition to having a good laugh, women reading this will learn from some of my hard lessons." [People]
• Shanna Moakler, who resigned as president from the Miss California USA organization, says: "If Donald Trump gives his blessing, I'll be back in a heartbeat." [E!]
• Hmm: Did Olive Garden pull its ad dollars from David Letterman's show after his kerfluffle with Sarah Palin? [Ad Age]
• Conan O'Brien is beating David Letterman in certain demographics, but Letterman is close behind in total viewers. [Variety]
• "Today I begin my fast for Darfur." — Maria Bello. [Huffington Post]
• Oh, dear: Amy Winehouse is causing trouble on St. Lucia. Just by being there! An "influential local newspaper proprietor" believes that Amy's stay on the island is good publicity; a former government spin doctor says Amy should have been arrested and kicked out of the country by "the morality police." [Guardian]
• In this story, Beth Ditto goes off on Katy Perry and her "party song" "I Kissed A Girl." Ditto says: "As a gay person, it's like, 'Oh, of course this straight person singing about kissing a girl goes straight to Top 40 and people buy this record. Who can give a fuck about real gay people?' That's what's really painful about the whole thing." [Spinner]
• George Michael was banned from driving for 2 years, but now he's back behind the wheel, with a new car: a $200,000 Ferrari California. Something subtle and low-profile. [Luxist]
• Au revoir! David and Victoria Beckham are thinking of selling their home ins the South of France. [The Sun]
• David Archuleta's dad has pleaded no contest to "patronizing" a prostitute in a Salt Late City massage parlor. And he doesn't mean he was condescending to her. He means he was a customer! He paid a $582 fine and completed a counseling class. [USA Today]
• LeAnn Rimes is not getting a divorce, says LeAnn's rep. [E!]
• Josie Bissett will return to Melrose Place — as a guest star. [People]
• Do Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo live under a rock? They have never heard of Susan Boyle. [Us Magazine]
• "Susan Boyle was dropped from a second Britain's Got Talent concert last night after launching into a bizarre rant over her beloved cat Pebbles." [Daily Mail]
• In this interview, Tyrese refers to himself in the third person and says: "I believe that people are going to love Transformers 2." Of course you do. [USA Today]
• OMG. If Susanne Bartsch had been on the Real Housewives Of New York it would have been a much different show. She is a legend, a spectacle and a freak show — rolled into one — in the best possible way. [NY Mag]
• Check out this zany interview with Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, the Mr. Show duo, who are reuniting for a string of Chicago shows. [Milwaukee Decider]
• You've gotta love these pictures of Sienna Miller "stumbling" out a club with rumored romantic interest, Irish comedian Patrick Kielty — her hair's disheveled and he's got a cocktail in his hand as he sits in the cab. [Daily Mail]
• But wait! Don't miss these pictures of Kate Moss writhing on stage with Pink Floyd's David Gilmour as she sings at a karaoke party. [Daily Mail]
• LOL: Robin Wright Penn calls Keanu Reeves a "gentle giant." [The Star]
• When asked about Sean Penn, Robin joked: "Thank God somebody's staying with the kids!" [Mirror]
• "Heidi Fleiss speaks up for tropical birds." [Sadie Frost is 44 and single and just hosted a speed-dating night, which is "news." [Daily Express]
• Common and Queen Latifah will star in a sports romance called Just Wright, in which a sports trainer finds herself falling in love with a professional basketball player while rehabilitating him from a career-threatening injury. [Variety]
• Kevin Williamson is working on a new Scream trilogy, but Neve Campbell refuses to be in it. Williamson's Twitter reads: "This sucks." [ONTD]
• Hollywood is out of ideas, part MCDLXXXV: Teen Wolf remake. On the way. [Movie Hole]
• Gravely ill: Walter Cronkite. [NY Post]
• Jeremy Piven hasn't eaten fish in 10 months. [People]
• Blind item! "Which music mogul looks at himself in the mirror every morning and recites an ode to his greatness?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I would love to do [a movie about] Harriet Tubman. I think maybe one day a slave epic. Apart from Roots, which was on television, I don't think there's been a serious film dealing with slavery in this country. It would need alternative means of finance. It's not something that you could get made through the traditional Hollywood system." — from "10 Questions With Spike Lee." [Time]
• "Jennifer does not share the same sense of humor as me - she did not like my jokes. I was picking on [Jen's husband] Ben Affleck and making fun of him because I've known him for a really long time - I was talking smack - and Jennifer goes, 'You know, if you keep saying stuff about him, I'm going to kick your ass.' And she could - I've seen Alias. She has a real girly sense of humor and didn't understand that I was kidding." — Kevin Smith. [Gatecrasher]
• "It feels to me like [the band] has run its course at the moment. I'm not going to quit making music, and I probably will make some more Nine Inch Nails stuff down the road. But I'm going to try some different things now." — Trent Reznor says NIN is going on hiatus after a summer tour. [Newsweek]
• "If there's any turmoil, I think it's managing all of it, but having an incredible team that helps me do that it makes it very easy, or easier than it would normally be attempting to do it myself." — Usher on filing for divorce. [Mirror]
• "I'm embarrassed to say it was my first time voting-but my guy got in." — Ginuwine, who never paid attention to politics until Barack Obama came along. [US News & World Report]
• "Maybe because she doesn't look anything special, people identify with her. I get letters all the time from people who think she is real, and they give me fashion tips for dressing better, telling me that if I smarten myself up I'll be able to stand up to everyone better at the magazine." — America Ferrera, on her Ugly Betty character. [Daily Mail]
• "Right now I'm shouting out to real dads. Some are great role models with real academic achievements. Some are not ... We deserve the love!!! We put up with everything, standing true to what's real and letting life take its course protecting our household, our woman, our children, our family ... Biggest Shout To My Son On The Way!!" — Nas. (Wait, what?) [TMZ]
• "There was lot of material to memorize… Curb is improvised and I'm making it up as I go along in many cases. Here, I was doing someone else's words, which was really a pleasure, because you can get pretty sick of being yourself every minute of every day. To actually have a chance to say someone else's words, no less Woody Allen's, was fun." — Larry David, on being in Whatever Works. [WSJ]
• "I've been wearing similar outfits to Lady GaGa for years across Europe while I've been promoting my records. Now when I wear outrageous costumes people say I'm copying her. It really annoys me. She stole my look and I want it back." — Swedish singer September, who appears to favor rubber and blonde hair. [The Sun]
• "My parents' generation wasn't so good at that… Now, I try to talk to my kids - they don't want to hear it from me. They know." — Michelle Pfeiffer on giving the bird and bees talk. [NY Magazine]
• "I've known Sacha since he did Bruno when he was a young man and my son is named Bruno after him – partly after Bruno!" — Nigella Lawson. [Daily Express]
• "Back then everyone wanted their body to look like mine. Women would say: 'I've worked out for five years to look like you.' I'd trained constantly for the film, but I couldn't sustain my fitness." — Linda Hamilton's Terminator biceps hit the screen 25 (?!?) years ago. [Daily Mail]
• "Man, I'm not into that stuff. All I need is a brush. That and some Carol's Daughter Body Butter to keep off the ash. My family, we use this stuff at home. I wish I had the time to get manicures and pedicures, but the season is so crazy. Some people make the time, but I don't." — LeBron James, as he got a cucumber-and-lavender manicure. [NY Mag]
• "Who am I? I'm just another schmendrick who used to be in a goy band. I don't know what the hell that means either, but I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be funny… Ok, that's enough schtick in the box from me." — Justin Timberlake's jokes at an event at the United Jewish Federation, where his record label boss, Barry Weiss, was being honored. [AP]

• GLAAD is concerned about Sacha Baron Cohen's depiction of homosexuality in Brüno:

"We have very mixed emotions about the movie," says GLAAD's Rashad Robinson. "Those of us who saw the film agreed that you can't critique it as a single film because it's more like 90 minutes of individual sketches. Some are funny and hit their mark but others hit the [gay] community instead." GLAAD is asking for a bit where a baby is sitting in the same hot tub where two men are having sex be cut. "As someone who sat at the back of a focus group audience outside of Los Angeles, I felt they were laughing at us at times." [E!]

• Sacha Baron Cohen, dressed as Brüno, showed up outside of Buckingham Palace yesterday and announced: "I hope Prince Harry is coming to the premiere – I've heard he's a total slut!" [Telegraph]
• Brüno on prime minister Gordon Brown: "The guy needs a total makeover. He needs a fake tan, he needs to wear some tight slacks." [Telegraph]
• In the UK, you can't see Brüno unless you're over 18. [Telegraph]
• WTF: "Two police chiefs are under investigation for allegedly breaking into the Martins Ferry, Ohio, home of Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate in an attempt to dig up dirt they hoped to sell to the tabloids." [Gatecrasher]
• Elle magazine says it has "no reason" to believe that Lindsay Lohan is responsible for $500,000 worth of Dior jewelry missing from a photoshoot. [Gatecrasher]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have donated $1 million to the UN Refugee Agency, to help displaced people n Pakistan. This comes one week after Brad donated $1 million for a pediatric cancer center in Missouri. [People]
• Jersey Housewives' Danielle says of the showdown in the finale: "My kids deserved to see how Mommy was going to grow from this and move forward. My children needed to learn from that, and that is why they wanted to stay in the room." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Housewives' Dina says of Danielle: "I never denied that I was part of [exposing] the book. I just literally never had the book in my hands. Literally. Like, I never had possession of the book. So how can I go around showing something that was never in my hands? So Jacqueline misunderstood what I was saying. She thought I was saying I never had anything to do with it. But, no, I had everything to do with it." [People]
• Oh dear: Morgan Freeman had an affair with his step granddaughter??? [National Enquirer via Perez]
• Madonna is calling on Gwyneth Paltrow to help her decorate a room for new child, Mercy. Her Madgesty's "wish list" includes "porcelain dolls, antique teddy bears, a library of leather-bound children's books and ancient maps of Africa to adorn the walls." Plus! Lourdes is super excited about having a sister: "She's bought piles of leggings, hipster T-shirts, tutus and sneakers for the new arrival." [The Sun]
• This essay argues that Madonna's "acquisition" of Mercy just helps baby traffickers. [Daily Mail]
• "Madonna 'banned Kate Winslet's musician father from appearing on Snatch film soundtrack.'" [Daily Mail]
• Good news: Bret Michaels will not sue the Tony Awards, even though he was injured by a set piece: "I'm taking the high road." [People]
• Has Sean Penn gone back to his wife after Natalie Portman broke his heart? [Page Six]
• "Michael Jackson is looking for a child who is missing limbs or in a wheelchair to appear on stage with him at his O2 gigs." [The Sun]
• Wow: E! is asking fans if the site should be a "Speidi-Free Zone." In a poll, the site asks, "Beginning today through Sunday, we are putting it to the fans to decide whether to banish Heidi and Spencer from E! forever, or at least until they do something truly newsworthy." [E!]
• Billy Joel's daughter and ex-wife speak out about his split from wife Katie Lee: daughter Alexa says, "If my dad's happy, I'm happy and I respect any decision that he makes." Chrsitie Brinkley says: "I'm very sad that this has happened, and I wish them both happiness." [Extra]
• Billy Joel's wife Katie Lee was seen dancing "erotically" with fashion designer Yigal Azrouel six months ago, and some say he introduced her to people as his girlfriend. [NY Post]
• Apocalypto: Paris Hilton — and her reality show — have landed in Dubai. [AP]
• 50 Cent spent $33,000 on Tom Ford suits. [Page Six]
• Like Lost? Like Sawyer, aka Josh Holloway? In this clip, he talks about all kinds of stuff — his character, Jack, Juliet, etc. [EW]
• Lost alum Maggie Grace: Returning to Hawaii, but she teases: "I don't know why." [E!]
• I dare you, DARE you to watch this video of Ellen Page, Alia Shawkat (who was Maeby from Arrested Development), and Har Mar Superstar singing "Don't Stop Believing" and not cringe, wince or guffaw. [NY Mag]
• A fourth Mission: Impossible starring Tom Cruise? Just looks desperate. Although having JJ Abrams involved again is interesting. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eckhart star in Love Happens, a movie about a self-help guru with a secret who dates a florist. Except it seems like the secret is given away in the trailer, which is posted at the link. [People]
• Reese Witherspoon with star in Pharm Girl, a comedy about one woman's experience working at a large pharmaceutical company — the longer she works there, the more she sees the "underbelly" of the industry. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rashida Jones will star in a rom com called Celeste And Jesse Forever, about a divorcing couple who attempt to maintain their friendship while pursuing new relationships. [UPI]
• Coming soon: A Bride Of Frankenstein remake, in which "the monster is a babe," someone like Scarlett Johansson or Anne Hathaway. [Page Six]
• Guy Ritchie's chauffeur: Caught driving without insurance. [The Sun]
• Kelis has filed her financials with the court and it all comes down to the fact that she doesn't have a lot of cash, and having a baby takes money. She'd like Nas to pay up. [TMZ]
• TR Knight is leaving Grey's Anatomy and word is, he wants to do Broadway. Or at least: Theater. [E!]
• Snippet from this Betty White interview: You stole the movie [The Proposal]. And added the sentimentality it needed. That scene in the airplane really got me. "Well aren't you dear. Thank you." There were some other topics I wanted to cover— "Can I get you any coffee or water?" [MovieLine]
• George Lucas is building an office complex that looks exactly like Hearst Castle. [mediabistro.com]
• Critical acclaim for the second season of Mad Men? Duh. [Variety]
• You can't sue the Bionic Woman over a car crash! She doesn't drive. She just runs, making a wannannana - wannanana - sound effect! [TMZ]
• Ozzy Osbourne will appear on Jack Osbourne's show, Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie, in which stars do stuff like bungee jump, white water raft and skydive. [The Sun]
• "Ryan Cabrera Sued over Death Trap Driveway." [TMZ]
• Katie "Jordan" Price got drunk in Ibiza and said to a journalist: "I'm gonna cut your fucking face. I swear to God I'll fucking cut you." Charming! [Daily Mail]
• Is Conan O'Brien losing viewers to David Letterman? [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which ditsy blond didn't seem to care when a crowd of ladies caught her sniffing Colombia's finest - right out in the open - in Atlantic City?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Miss Congeniality was a romantic comedy, I call that a buddy flick. It's a new kind of film. If you really think about it; it wasn't about romance, it was about her saving her friend at the beauty pageant. Men do films like this, The Proposal or Miss Congeniality, all the time and they're considered comedies and there's always love in it. There's always love in it. There's always a relationship. I would like to help create a broader spectrum of categories where the writing gets better. There are great writers out there." — Sandra Bullock. [Reuters]
• "He's like a new man. He really went through something [with that racist tirade incident]. He used to be very angry and bitter. He's completely different now. You can see it, and he can feel it. I'm very happy for him." — Larry David on Michael Richards. [Reuters]
• "I wish I could afford to be here all the time, but it's a very expensive city to work in. It's gotten worse for me. It's gotten better in that they give you tax breaks. But everything (else) has gone up. I work on a very limited budget." — Woody Allen. [USA Today]
• "Chaz is embarking on a difficult journey, but one that I will support. I respect the courage it takes to go through this transition in the glare of public scrutiny, and although I may not understand, I will strive to be understanding ... The one thing that will never change is my abiding love for my child." — Cher, on her daughter's decision to undergo a sex change. [TMZ]
• "Positive is not funny. Nobody laughs at positive, 'What a beautiful day it is!' or how many friends I have, how many people love me. There's nothing funny about that at all. But there's funny in the negative. When you speak in negative terms, the more negative, the funnier it is. Hence, the funny crank." — Larry David. [LA Times]
• "In America, there's such a hunger for young people, so you get the young up-and-coming star. And then it becomes a time period when they really don't know what to do with you or how to use you. And then it changes, I think, after 50 - then you become - 'I'm the mother of the 20-year-old.' So I'm hoping there's going to be a shift again and I'll work more." — Andie MacDowell, who says her 40s were an awkward time because she had trouble finding roles. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "I don't like the word 'cougar' because it just makes me think of teeth and somebody who's biting. We have to come up with a new word." — Countess Luann de Lesseps. [Gatecrasher]
• "You know what, I prefer a flatter-chested look. That's just kind of me. I think it's more of a fashion look. If you look at a lot of high-fashion models and things like that, they're always you know, a little flatter. I like the way clothes fit better…" — Lauren Conrad is not into plastic surgery. [People]
• "We should all believe in something, and I believe it's time for another shot of tequila." — Justin Timberlake. [Page Six]
• "Seriously, this is one of my favorite songs ever. I love the whole album. I'm completely immersed in it. I can't wait for you to hear it." — Mariah Carey on her OWN new single. [NY Daily News]

• Just what you always wanted: Heidi Montag has posed for the September issue of Playboy:

Here is the obligatory quote about how classy it is: "There is nudity. It's tasteful – she had a lot of fun with it," says a source. [People]

• Wait, what? Rihanna and Chris Brown requested seats together at the NBA Finals game in Orlando, Florida. Some kind of carefully orchestrated show of support?!?!?! [ET]
• Oh, no: This report states that Rihanna and Chris Brown did not sit together. [Page Six]
• Madonna's adoption appeal: Approved. She's in the process of working out the details and getting Mercy to New York. [BBC News, Daily News, People]
• Kristin Davis says of the Sex And The City sequel: "I haven't read the actual script yet; we're supposed to get it this week." But she says some of the characters known for Manolos and martinis might be feeling the sting of the recession: "I don't think we are totally switching to a new shoe brand, but there are definitely some effects of the economic situation that will be felt, but I don't know if [the consequences will be felt] across the board or specific to certain characters." [WWD]
• Kanye West and Chanel Iman: Seen getting cozy. [Page Six]
• Kanye West is also into Lady GaGa: "I'm into her style. It's hot right now. I mean, I'm a guy - so obviously I'm into her." Guess what? they're going on tour together! [Daily News]
• Kanye West performed for 3,000 teens in his hometown of Chicago at an event for the Kanye West Foundation, a nonprofit working to decrease dropout rates and improve literacy. It was co-founded by Kanye's late mother, who worked in education for years. The kids who got to see Kanye were students who had improved their grades and attendance; Chicago has a 50% dropout rate. [MSNBC]
• Were the Usher divorce reports just a rumor? His wife doesn't seem to know anything about it ,and there's no record of him filing… yet. But also, his wife hasn't spoken to him "in a few days." [TMZ]
• According to this report, Usher hasn't filed for divorce yet, but a clerk with Cobb County Superior Court in Georgia says, "we had a telephone conversation last week with an attorney asking how to file for them." Why the divorce? One source rails: "Tameka is crazy. His mother didn't even go to their wedding because she didn't approve!" [Gatecrasher]
• BREAKING: Anne Hathaway upstaged by raccoon. [Page Six]
• Sonny Bono's widow — Congresswoman Mary Bono — says she "loves and supports Chaz" — meaning Chastity Bono, who is transitioning from female to male. [TMZ]
• Did Chastity Bono's rep want cash for her sex change story? [National Enquirer]
• Even though Kate Winslet said "it's very tempting to have a nanny and live in a gated community," her rep clarifies: "'She has a part-time nanny." [Daily Mail]
• Doug Reinhardt's rep released a statement about his relationship with Paris Hilton, which reads: "Doug refuses to take part of this ridiculous media circus. He wishes Paris and all of her future boyfriends the best of luck." All together now: Oh. Snap. [TMZ]
• Paris Has already moved on, to Madrid Real soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo, who is what is technically referred to as a serious hottie. [Page Six]
• This story about a late mortician accused of misusing burial funds is "notable" because the estranged wife of the man, J. Jeffrey Fretti, is named Tamara, and she is the sister of Katie Holmes. [Toledo Blade]
• When it comes to dating someone much older, Evan Rachel Wood, 21, who was with Marilyn Manson, 40, says: "I don't think it works. I think it's a bad idea. I think as long as you learn from it - good or bad experience - it's an experience, and you should take something away from it." Of the new Woody Allen film Whatever Works, Evan says: "I spoke to Larry [David] about it and told him if the relationship went any further sexually I wouldn't have done the movie... That's one of the things that I liked about the relationship in the movie; it never crosses that line or gets creepy." [Daily Express]
• Wow. According to this article, "Before [Jada Pinkett Smith's new show] Hawthorne and HBO's The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency debuted a few months ago (starring Jill Scott), it had been 35 years since an African-American woman was the lead in a TV drama." [Newsweek]
• Even though Carrie Prejean has been telling everyone she and her new boobs were offered Playboy, insiders say there was never an offer on the table. Hmm. [Extra]
• A "select band of Los Angeles wordsmiths," Lab Twenty6, has refused to let Peaches Geldof join their discussion group. [The Sun]
• Joy Behar rarely leaves her neighborhood. So what? [NY Mag]
• Eva Mendes got all verklempt while discussing her work with The Art of Elysium, an organization that encourages working actors, artists and musicians to voluntarily dedicate their time and talents to children battling serious medical conditions. Thank God for waterproof mascara," she sniffed. [WWD]
• Katie "Jordan" Price bought a horse, which this paper claims "will ease the pain of her split with hubby Peter Andre." [The Sun]
• Weird: Someone is trying to form a group called New Kids On The Block. So the real New Kids On The Block are suing. [TMZ]
• Singer Nivea Hamilton and model Lauren London are both pregnant by rapper Lil Wayne. For some reason we thought he reproduced when you spilled water on him? [Perez]
• Amy Poehler will star in Lunch Lady, a flick based on a children's graphic novel series — titles include Lunch Lady and the League of Librarians and Lunch Lady and the Cyborg Substitute, both of which are due this summer. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Matt Damon might play Lance Armstrong in a biopic. Do we approve? [Mirror]
• "DJ Jazzy Jeff says his weekend performance in Kansas City was stopped because of censorship, not race." [AP]
• Blind item! "Which very married actor had a flirtatious folly with a gay hairdresser?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Those are two very different communities, but something they both share is love of celebration. My relationship with the gay community is long-standing and loyal, and I love them very much. I consider my music to be very gay, and I love that it is gay." — Lady GaGa on being embraced by the gay and hip-hop "communities." [USA Today]
• "She's just a great, crazy character who is psychologically complex, a textbook sociopath. But she's charming and seemingly sweet, even when she does really bad things. Who wouldn't want to play a character like that?" — Gina Gershon, on playing socialite Pat Allanson in the Lifetime mobie Everything She Ever Wanted. [USA Today]
• "[I] will sometimes hold off on the insulin, which will jack my blood sugar level up to the low 200 range. It's like how a prizefighter will want to go into the ring with his blood sugar levels high. It gives you the stamina of a bull. So, yes, sometimes I will endanger my own life to pleasure a woman." — Bret Michaels. [Perez]
• "Music is about listening not looking. That's why I wore these huge baggy dresses on stage with The Cranberries… I basically had the wrong kind of love and attention around me. I lived six years in a bus with strangers, touring the world with the band, seeing the insides of hotels. I lost touch with my friends. I was lonely all that time. I went nuts I was so lonely. These were days before mobile phones so I had to find a phonebox just to talk to my parents. I lost a lot of my youth." — from a worthwhile interview with Dolores O'Riordan. [Independent]
• Yeah, we played [brother and sister], but at least we're not related in real life! Good God! I thought it would be creepy for him, but it's not." — Evan Rachel Wood on dating former Once and Again costar Shane West. [NY Daily News]
• "Being nice and adorable isn't funny. I enjoyed being a bitch. Everyone does. They are always better written and it's a relief… Then they said, 'Here's this woman director we like, Anne Fletcher. Can she come and meet you?' I met her and within five minutes, she said the word 'vagina,' and I'm like (her voice rising giddily), 'I love her.' " — Sandra Bullock, on why she wanted to do The Proposal. [USA Today]
• "I may never hear that word 'mom.' But being a parent is not about breeding. It's about caring. And it's easy to say, but it's harder to do. When you don't have that title, you flounder and it hurts. But this is the best test of being a parent. And I just have to keep reminding myself I don't care what I get. I care what I give." — Sandra Bullock, on being a stepmom. [USA Today]
• "I get more naked this season than I did last season. We have a really great crew and everyone's really respectful. It's not an issue for me… [But] I work my ass off. I'm very careful about what I eat, and I work out a lot. My costume entails bathing suits, short-shorts and nude scenes, come on! I don't want to be perpetuating the myth that women actually do look exactly like the way they look in magazines and on television through absolutely no effort!" — Anna Paquin on True Blood. [E!]

• Kiefer Sutherland surrendered to police yesterday for headbutting designer Jack McCollough. He was arrested and charged with a third-degree assault charge. He was photographed and fingerprinted. Then he left. [People]

• This report says Kiefer was not arrested, but received a desk ticket. [TMZ]
• This report says Kiefer was arrested but not jailed and should have a court date in the next few weeks. [Reuters]
• Kiefer looks handsome in spectacles! [Gothamist]
• This paper claims Kiefer Sutherland "strolled" into the police station, "as cool in a crisis as his 24 alter ego." [NY Daily News]
• And! This says Kiefer "meekly" surrendered to cops. [NY Post]
• Uh-oh. Anna Wintour is fucking pissed that the biggest story from the Met ball is Kiefer's headbutt. A source says: "Anna is furious that the Met Gala got upstaged by Kiefer doing something stupid at an after-party that wasn't even part of her event. Now that's all anyone is talking about, not her party. And she is so genuinely fond of Jack, she has supported him and Lazaro for years, she really feels they are part of the future of American fashion. So she's doubly annoyed." DOUBLY ANNOYED. This will not end well. [NY Mag]
• Brooke Shields has told friends that she was indeed "jostled" by Jack McCollough at the Met Gala, but it was "no big deal" and had more to do with her 6-inch heels and a dark and crowded room. In any case, maybe Kiefer thought Jack pushed her?!?! [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan has been taking her 15-year-old sister to parties and a source says: "Dina took Ali out of school and now all she does is hang out with Lindsay — who is back to drinking and partying hard. Ali is now wearing really skimpy outfits, and it's just sad. No one is in control. Where are children's services? Where is Dina?" Is this "source" Michael Lohan??? [Page Six]
• Rihanna had planned to wear thigh high lace-up Louis Vuitton boots to the Met Gala, but Madonna wanted to wear them and "and insisted that nobody else could be seen or photographed in them." Rihanna was fine with it. [Page Six]
• Amy Winehouse will play the St. Lucia jazz festival tonight, she says, "It also is an honour for me to appear on the same bill as great singers such as Chaka Khan and Patti LaBelle as well great jazz musicians like Monty Alexander and George Duke." And! She loves St. Lucia! "Since I first came to the island, I have been greeted with nothing but kindness and friendship, as well as incredible music and the most beautiful of settings. I have made friends for life and have been inspired by my surroundings. The laid-back lifestyle definitely suits me, it's a home from home with great beaches." Is it too late to catch a flight? [Mirror]
• Paula Abdul has something to say! "I want to make it perfectly clear to everyone that I have never been addicted to or abused drugs in my life," she says. "I have never been drunk." Wait, what?!?!? "I have never entered a rehab or detox treatment center. I spent time hiking, bicycling, doing yoga and enjoying the spa. As anyone who has visited the La Costa Resort knows, it is a luxury hotel, not a rehab facility." Oh. Hmm. But did you tell Ladies Home Journal you went there to kick your pill habit?!?! [E!]
• Megan Fox has something to say! "If you know how to take control of [being a sex symbol], then it can be powerful. But I have no idea how to handle it yet, how to deal with it. I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against — but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've every learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard – but I do. And part of it is my own fault." [People]
• Jon Favreau used his Twitter account to describe Scarlett Johansson's first day in her Black Widow outfit on the set of Iron Man 2: "Scarlett's first day on set in the Black Widow outfit… You've never heard a crew get so quiet so fast." [Mirror]
• Five months after Jennifer Hudson's dude David Otunga proposed to her; she proposed right back with a "architectural and geometric" platinum and diamond men's ring. [People]
• Jennifer Aniston is acting in The Baster — the comedy about a woman whose best friend (Jason Bateman) secretly fathers her child when he swaps her intended artificial insemination sample with his own — and she is also the executive producer. She says of doing double duty: "I'm just exhausted." [USA Today]
• A judge is placing Roman Polanski's case on hold — not throwing it out; the judge said that because "Mr. Polanski doesn't intend to submit himself to the jurisdiction of the court," his motion for dismissal would be denied. [AP]
• Sparkly vampire and same-sex scene god Robert Pattinson has hit No. 1 on USA Today's high scientific Celebrity Heat Index, which measures media exposure. Some schmuck named Brad Pitt is No. 2. [USA Today]
• Sarah Jessica Parker has joined the board of the New York City Ballet and will host the Spring Gala next week, where Samantha Ronson will DJ. [Page Six]
• Again with this story: Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate is a "bisexual tattooed rocker." And? [The Star]
• The pastor of Miss California Carrie Prejean would like all you haters to leave her alone. "We are all sinners. Christians aren't perfect," he says. "The pictures are from when she was 17, and they do not disqualify her from being able to share her opinion." [E!]
• "Smitten" Joe Jonas is desperately seeking a "lovenest" for he and girlfriend Camilla Belle to sneak off to, since his brothers always seem to be around. He may wear a purity ring but it certainly sounds like he's thinking some perfectly natural and wonderfully impure thoughts. GET IT. [Contact Music]
• Gwyneth Paltrow is "mulling" over whether to return to the London stage in a production of Chekhov's The Three Sisters. [Daily Mail]
• Meryl Streep on 30 Rock? "I would love to do that yes," she says. "It's an amazing show." Tina Fey: Make it happen. [Mirror]
• Time does "10 Questions With JJ Abrams." I like this one: Q: What is your favorite plot twist of all time? A: The one that comes to mind is the end of Planet of the Apes, when you realize, "Oh my God, he's never getting home because that is home." I just remember seeing that as a kid and I was like, "That's it. My brain just stopped." [Time]
• Lady GaGa's breast popped out during a video shoot. A source says she laughed and said: "You better make sure you airbrush my nipples!" [Gatecrasher]
• Ouch: Sacha Baron Cohen bleached all of his body hair to play Bruno, but "shortly after having the procedure done he felt a burning sensation and it grew steadily worse. It was so severe around a certain part of his anatomy that he couldn't sit down for three days." [Telegraph]
• "Paris [Hilton]: I don't keep a diary..I Google myself." [The Sun]
• A new biography claims Patrick Swayze didn't realize he was sick until it was nearly too late. [Gatecrasher]
• Samantha Morton spent the first 16 years of her life either in care or living in foster homes; now she has a film which will air on TV in the UK — called The Unloved — about a girl who grows up in the system. [Daily Mail]
• Keanu Reeves will star in the Universal Pictures retelling of the classic tale The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which will be titled Jekyll. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Ooh, Marisa Tomei and Liv Tyler will star in a psychological thriller called 10A/10B, about the relationship and consequences that result when a culinary perfectionist, portrayed by Tyler, and an actress with a failing career, played by Tomei, become neighbors in a loft apartment building. [Variety]
• "Farrah Fawcett's Friends Prepare To Say Goodbye." Ryan O'Neal says she "stays in bed now" and her treatment has "pretty much ended." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Leonard Nimoy is in the new Star Trek, and now JJ Abrams has also made him a guest-star on Fringe. [USA Today]
• A promoter from Suriname admits that he scammed people into thinking they were paying $53 to see Toni Braxton, when in fact they were watching Braxton impersonator Trina Johnson-Finn sing. [USA Today]
• Lenny Kravitz will tour the UK in July and take a guitar which belonged to Jimi Hendrix with him. [Daily Express]
• Ozzy Osbourne hearts Phil Collins. [Daily Express]
• Blind item! "Which top model's hubby is hoping some sexy literature will spice up their love life? He recently gave her a graphic tome and asked what she'd be into most." [Gatecrasher]
• "She wanted marriage, she wanted children; and not that I didn't want that, but I didn't want that at that time because I had just gotten out of a marriage, I'd just had kids… Yet we're up against her biological clock — that pressure is what cracked it. Because if somebody wants a child — man, that's the greatest gift you can give to a woman — so who are you to stand there and say I don't want one. So we were at different points in our lives. We were not compatible on that issue." — Lance Armstrong, on why he broke up with Sheryl Crow. [Page Six]
• "I couldn't even pick up a girl until I had a hit song. When that happened, in a club in Argentina, I rang my five best friends and said: 'Get down here, we are all going to get laid.' It was crazy what a hit could do. But I do hide behind my clothes a bit. I am the opposite of a playboy." — Enrique Iglesias. [Daily Mail]
• "There were some locations, that by all rights we were supposed to have access to — in front of certain churches, for instance. But two or three days beforehand we were requested not to shoot there by local officials. I think that church officials gave the word to the local government that they didn't want us filming in certain places." — Ron Howard on shooting Angels & Demons. [WSJ]
• "'My weakness - if you can call it that - was drugs. I took all sorts from a fairly young age, ecstasy and LSD among them. It almost led me to a very long period in jail. I was high on drugs, on one occasion, and threatened to kill one of the older girls I was living with, who had been picking on me." — Samantha Morton. [Daily Mail]
• "It used to be Diane Keaton – she always used to tell me, 'I'm terrible, I'm awful, I can't do it, you should get someone else.' And she was always brilliant. Well, Larry is like this. I'd always been a fan. I asked him to do it, and he said, 'But I can't act! I can only do what I do, I'm not an actor, you'll be disappointed. Those are the ones who can always do it. The ones that tell you how great they are can never do it. When it came time, he did it. And not just the comedy, which I expected, but all the other things which required acting, emotions and being touching." — Woody Allen, on Larry David, who stars in Allen's film, Whatever Works. [Independent]
• "The Hanso Foundation that started the Dharma Initiative hired this guy Valenzetti to basically work on this equation to determine what was the probability of the world ending in the wake of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Valenzetti basically deduced that it was 100 percent within the next 27 years, so the Hanso Foundation started the Dharma Initiative in an effort to try to change the variables in the equation so that mankind wouldn't wipe it itself out." — Lost's Damon Lindelof, on what the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42 actually mean. [NY Mag]
• "It's real love. And we will be married forever and ever and ever. I legally changed my name to Pratt. I'm very excited. I thought about my dress for years. I knew everything I wanted. I knew I wanted a strapless, gorgeous, big, flowy, princess, fun, amazing dress, and that's what I had. I wanted it to be really classic but young and fun and fresh. I felt like a princess, and it was perfect. I was just sitting there in my dress, like, 'I am really about to marry the most amazing man, and this is such a great experience.'" — Heidi Montag. [Mirror]
• "It's so mainstream now. When you look at people who are transmitting the news to you on television they all look like they're in porn, the way they're quaffed. It's really crazy. There's this like hyper-grooming thing going on now, men and women. I was never thinking, oh, what an outré thing to do to put a porn actor in a quote-unquote normal movie. I just thought she was interesting." — Steven Soderbergh, on his new flick, The Girlfriend Experience. [WSJ]
• "Well, if I had to be addicted to something, it would be sex!" — Hayden Panettiere. [Page Six]

[Los Angeles, December 12. Image via Flynet]

[On the set of an untitled Woody Allen flim, Chinatown, New York, May 19. Image via Splash.]

[On the set of a Woody Allen film. New York, April 22. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Related: Assessing the Larry-Laurie David Split by the Sixth Season of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' [NY Mag]

• So it was Vanessa Minnillo in those Lohan-knife-"sexy"? photos! We thought Minnillo was famous for dating Nick Lachey but apparently she's also famous for being the celebrity interviewer least likely to interview celebrities now that she's a seasoned starfucker. Also, she is one of the very exclusive cadre of industry babes who has been linked to Derek Jeter. So why is she just being identified today, if the photos appeared on Sunday Euro time? Because the gossip press cares ALMOST as much as we do. [Page Six]
  
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson split, giving us respite from their constant reminders that the offscreen existence of celebrities whose movies we have actually seen is somehow evem more depressing than that of Heidi and Spencer. [Page Six]
  
• Jolie-Pitt's next adopt-quisition to be a Czech boy, thereby tilting her family's racial makeup towards Aryan Nation territory. [TheSun]
  
• MSNBC anchor Joe Scarborough asks if Fred Thompson's wife "works the pole," which is something we guess is okay to ask among conservatives as long as Michelle Malkin isn't listening. [Crooks&Liars]
  
• People are still wondering who Prince Harry's "REAL" dad is. [USAToday]
  
• Paris Hilton gets a cell bigger than the room we lived in until May; a jumpsuit with short sleeves, and is allowed to keep her extensions. [TMZ]

• Joe Francis is free on his tax evasion charges after posting $1.5 million bail; crimes against humanity still working themselves out. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston drops thousands on gifts for Wyatt Crow, otherwise known as the kid Sheryl Crow (creepily? should we give her a break since .. like, cancer?) told OK Magazine was "My Dream Baby." [TMZ]
• And speaking of environmentalists with significant others maybe a leeeedle bit too narcissistic to handle them: Laurie and Larry David split. [Page Six]
• Borat's fiance totally cried at "Knocked Up" last weekend. [People]
• Today Show staffers call Good Morning America "Gay-MA" and host Chris Cuomo an epithet so sophomoric it sounds like something Jenny would say. [Page Six]
• Real estate mogul to his 7-year-old upon presentation of her Lego rendition of his building: "Ivanka, I wasn't going to say anything, but this really has been bothering me, there are five setbacks in the façade of the Trump Tower, not six."[LizSmith]