My father did scientific research in Antarctica for some time in the 80s, and I know that he'd cut a bitch for eating penguin breast (let alone the eggs)! Seriously, wtf?
My answer to cellulite: the elliptical machine. It's from heaven. Super low impact, burns as many calories as running, banishes cellulite, gives your butt a lift, I love it!
@Elaken: After 6 weeks of assisting a beginning orchestra director while working on my music ed degree, I would have been really excited at the prospect of a 'Cello Exorcist'. Demons would be the only thing that could make such an ungodly noise come from an instrument that is supposed to sound more beautiful.
I also used to think those violins sounded like someone stepping on rats with spike heels.
'It's the curse of having curves,' explains Anushka, America's leading authority on cellulite.
"America's leading authority on cellulite." Please, please tell me how this is determined. I am dying to know. My goal for next year it to be "America's leading authory on ingrown hairs."
In all serrvicey-ness, if you are worried about cellulite get one of those plastic ball rolling things and do it as hard as you can to your ass in the shower, then apply some kind of cream. Mine costs like 7 bucks and I have to say, this routine has diminished my cellulite a bit.
@LaFemme: ooooh, Can I be the Leading Expert on Picking at Zits, Blackheads and Other Skin Imperfections?
Also, this? "plastic ball rolling things and do it as hard as you can to your ass in the shower" made me snorfle so badly, my only remaining co-worker just looked over the cube dividers.
@fulanita: Agreed. If I were an all powerful being, I would curse men with cellulite as well. Because some of us could get dangerously thin and still have cottage cheese thighs, yet get no sympathy. Most men can't get it through their head that it's a matter of how your body stores fat, not how much cheesecake you eat. And because of that, there is really not much we can do about it, so we should just learn to love it.
Actually, cellulite is a lot like acne to me - it's incurable, some people are just doomed to it genetically, and its looked at as a result of not doing something right - you're not washing your face, you're not exercising enough, etc. All you can do is try to treat it, but you may never get it to go away.
When I read words like "designer vagina" I immediately cross my legs. Then I thank heavens that I am long since out of the dating scene and with a wonderful partner. I can't imagine feeling the pressure to impress men with my "perfect" (and I'm also going to assume this means hairless) surgically enhanced vagina. Or breasts. Or whatever.
Who the hell are these men who would expect this sort of "perfection" and why the hell do any women want them?
@crampyscamp: I prefer to think happier thoughts, like how happy the Chanel logo on my vadge makes me. I have the most stylin' cooter in Lower Crapovia.
@crampyscamp: I have never met a man who even mentioned anything about vaginal perfection. I always understood that unless the, um...situation down there was unhygienic they were just glad to be invited to the party.
The only people that ever made me feel uncomfortable about the state of my labia were other women. I never even thought to be insecure about my vagina until I listened to other women stressing about theirs.
@R_Claw(a/k/a Mrs. Edward Cullen): That is why you want to go with a classic, tailored look with your vagina. You can always jazz it up with accessories if you want to take the look from office to a night on the town.
Otherwise, though, I do notice that when I have a brush in the shower, my skin looks better than it does when I use a pouf or washcloth. Is there an advantage to dry brushing over brushing in the shower?
Not only do I have dimply fat deposits on my thighs, but I need an old priest and a young priest to drive out the demons too? Dammit, there goes my weekend.
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I also used to think those violins sounded like someone stepping on rats with spike heels.
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I'm always the lady.
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"America's leading authority on cellulite." Please, please tell me how this is determined. I am dying to know. My goal for next year it to be "America's leading authory on ingrown hairs."
In all serrvicey-ness, if you are worried about cellulite get one of those plastic ball rolling things and do it as hard as you can to your ass in the shower, then apply some kind of cream. Mine costs like 7 bucks and I have to say, this routine has diminished my cellulite a bit.
01/26/09
Also, this? "plastic ball rolling things and do it as hard as you can to your ass in the shower" made me snorfle so badly, my only remaining co-worker just looked over the cube dividers.
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@Spaceman Bill Leah: Haha, once again I find myself somewhere between thinking this is embarassing and finding it unintentionally hilarious.
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Actually, cellulite is a lot like acne to me - it's incurable, some people are just doomed to it genetically, and its looked at as a result of not doing something right - you're not washing your face, you're not exercising enough, etc. All you can do is try to treat it, but you may never get it to go away.
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I don't do any of these things now, and I still have it! I don't get it!
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Who the hell are these men who would expect this sort of "perfection" and why the hell do any women want them?
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The only people that ever made me feel uncomfortable about the state of my labia were other women. I never even thought to be insecure about my vagina until I listened to other women stressing about theirs.
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I don't want to be too matchy matchy.
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1) Buy plant-bristle brush.
2) Google "dry skin brushing"
3) Send me thank you notes & boxes of liquor filled dark chocolate
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Erm.
Otherwise, though, I do notice that when I have a brush in the shower, my skin looks better than it does when I use a pouf or washcloth. Is there an advantage to dry brushing over brushing in the shower?
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