• OMG. Is the world ready for little 4-year-old David Banda? Madonna says, when it comes to her work: "He knows every song, every word, every step, and he wants to wear all the costumes." And:

"He likes my dress that I wear in 'La Isla Bonita.'" Her Madgesty says that all of her kids are into dancing and "secretly" study with her dancers. But she insists they are not spoiled: "They get great bonuses and perks out of being my children and they know it, and they're very grateful and appreciative for it. I think they are pretty balanced in terms of how they view fame or celebrity or things like that. I think it took them a while to adjust, but I think they're okay about it." [People]

• Bruce Springsteen has posted a statement on his website: "Like many of you who live in New Jersey, I've been following the progress of the marriage-equality legislation currently being considered in Trenton. I've long believed in and have always spoken out for the rights of same sex couples… I urge those who support equal treatment for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters to let their voices be heard now." [AP, BruceSpringsteen.net]
• Buff Werewolf Taylor Lautner will be on Saturday Night Live this weekend, and in a video promo at the link featuring Taylor and Kristen Wiig, nothing funny happens. [JustJared]
• Julia Roberts got drunk and silly at a celebrity charades fund-raiser, saying things like, "I can't fucking lose on this!" And: "I usually go to sleep at 8:15! Let's have fun! I'm wearing tight pants and my kids are asleep!" [Page Six, Gatecrasher]
• On Barbara Walters' 10 Most Fascinating People, Kate Gosselin said that her kids miss the TLC cameras and were all "sobbing" at the loss of their pals: "They cried in the van on the way home from school the other day," Kate told Babs. "They kept asking, 'Where's the camera crew? Where's the camera crew? We miss them.' And I said, 'Our show is over.'" Lady, you need to start saving for therapy. Plus eight. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Barbara Walters' "10 Most Fascinating People" are: Glenn Beck, Lady Gaga, Kate Gosselin, Jenny Sanford (the wife of wandering South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford), Tyler Perry, Michael Jackson's three kids and Adam Lambert. Wait, isn't that 9? "A lot of people nobody had ever heard of last year," Babs says. "And a lot of it is about sexuality." [NY Post]
• Susan Boyle dreamed a dream and it came true! She sang on stage with Elaine Paige. The performance will air as part of a TV special. [Telegraph]
• 90 minutes before Tiger Woods' car crash, his wife, Elin, called Rachel Uchitel and yelled at her, "I know everything." Elin hurled a cellphone at Tiger and broke his tooth, then grabbed a golf club and chased him around the house. He ran to his car barefoot to get away from her. Allegedly. [NY Post via Star Magazine]
• Tiger Woods' reps offered a witness with "detailed knowledge" of Tiger's affair with Rachel Uchitel $200,000 to STFU. [Radar Online]
• Tiger Woods' best friend, Byron Bell, is getting married this weekend, and the bride is a sales rep for Nike. Tiger Woods is the face of Nike Golf, which is how Byron and the lady met. [TMZ]
• Is Beyoncé working on a lucrative, long-term contract with Wynn Las Vegas? [AP]
• Nicolas Cage's ex, Christina Fulton, claims he promised her a house but the evicted her — and, in addition, inflicted her with "mental, physical and emotional abuse" during their relationship. Which ended 15 years ago. She wants $13 million. [TMZ, People]
• Sienna Miller and Jude Law are on, and they don't even care who knows it. [Page Six]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood and girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova: Splitsville. Ronnie's relationship with Katya, as she is known, was responsible for the end of Ronnie's 23-year marriage to wife Jo. [Daily Mail]
• John Stamos says his "racy" pix are so tame he's going to release them himself! Blackmailers were trying to extort $680,000 from Uncle Jesse, even though the snaps just show John posing with fans. [NY Post]
• Danity Kane's Aubrey O'Day was seen "shaking everything she's got" in front of Samantha Ronson, who was not interested. [Page Six]
• Michael Jackson allegedly left his Las Vegas mansion a wreck; the place needs $234,000 (from Michael's estate) to repair damages. [TMZ]
• Matt Damon's dad is sick. [Alfre Woodard's daughter, Mavis Spencer, has been named 2010 Miss Golden Globe. She's an aspiring model and soon-to-be Columbia University freshman… And she's gorgeous. [ET]
• Coming to a theater near you on Valentine's Day, 2011: Pretend Wife, starring Adam Sandler and, maybe, Jennifer Aniston. The plot is under wraps but I imagine the two will PRETEND to like each other, hijinks will ensue, and they'll fall in love. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Josh Brolin: Being considered for a role in Men In Black 3. Why MIB3 is being considered is another story. [LA Times]
• If you want to see a KTLA newsguy go off on Perez Hilton, there's a video at the link. Dude calls the blogger a "talentless dope" and says: "We've been here long before Perez Hilton upchucked his way onto the scene and we'll be here long after he slithers away." [Fishbowl LA]
• There's been a possible break-in and theft at Nicky Hilton's house… Has the Beverly Hills Burglar Bunch struck again? [Pete Doherty. [Independent]
• The Craft star Rachel True has a stalker with a disgusting mind. The woman was arrested outside Rachel's house with a "large sex toy" in her possession. More lurid details at the link. [TMZ]
• RIP As The World Turns. My grandmother watched, and after she died, my grandfather watched. My mom watched, and me, my brother and sister watched in the summer. Meg Ryan, Julianne Moore and Marisa Tomei were all on the show before doing movies. End of an era! [NY Post]
• "I could be coming to Broadway. I sure want to. And nobody knows this. I haven't told anyone. You're the first to know. That is, if there's something to know… actually, it could even be off-Broadway. Right now it was just a reading, but I'm excited at the possibility. Who knows?" — Roseanne Barr might work with Ethan Hawke's theater company. [Cindy Adams]
• "We were together for a year, and we just started breeding. We were like, 'Let's have a baby!' And eight days later…" — Jennifer Garner, on her family planning with Ben Affleck. She also says: "I can live with Ben working crazy hours. But I can't live without girlfriends… It's fine if he's not there; I just need someone to bitch about it to." [Page Six via W]
• "I used to paint fried eggs. I was in a phase" — Shakira, in the upcoming issue of W magazine, on her amateur art career. [Page Six]
• "I can't remember when I was last carrying a film. To have a man's story entrusted to me has been very rare. It's in your hands. You have three wonderful co-stars, but basically [my character] George is yours for the day." — Colin Firth on Tom Ford's film A Single Man. [Reuters]
• "With each decade I've enjoyed a fuller feeling of womanliness. I'm healthy, busy and happy. I've nothing to complain about. And I like my body now. I have more curves. They come from age, but I don't care. I'm just glad they're there. At 40, I had my daughter Charlotte, and that was so exciting. At 50, I had just enough age really to appreciate all the good things. And at 60 I feel – touch wood – one has all the wisdom that one's accumulated, the perspective that it's a joyous thing to work with other people." — Sigourney Weaver, who also says she will not get Botox: "Actors' faces have to move. Yes, we want to see perfect people but we also want to see people who look like us. It's just about skin care to me and maybe exercise. I feel I've earned my laughter lines." [Telegraph]
• "I wanted to do the suicide scene, but was told it wouldn't be appropriate. I've also had to tone things down generally. But it doesn't matter, because I'm a massive fan of the queen. I was so excited and have even been practicing my curtsy." — Lady Gaga, on meeting Queen Elizabeth. [NY Post]
• "I'd love to be an assassin. Either that or a lesbian. Maybe both. Hey, a gay assassin, there's nothing hotter than that. Megan Fox would play my girlfriend — hands down. She's yummy. She's hot. All humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl." — Rihanna, when asked about future acting roles. [The Sun]

Kind of digging on Amy Landecker's happy hour look.


Natalie Portman says: be afraid. Be very afraid. I went to Harvard and I love animals. And I dress flawlessly, with just a hint of calculated, sophisticated risk.


Kristen Wiig is one of my favorite human beings, which is why I'm not even commenting on a bootie choice and incorporates an entirely different genre, like Sergio Leone being brought in to finish Sex and the City 2. (Work with me.)


Uh oh. Brooke Shields' dress is being dragged down and off by the weight of the feathers and tulle.


When it comes to Rosie Perez' enormous bow: fun or fug? (Keeping in mind that we're now firmly in the holiday season.)

Patricia Clarkson: "I'll show ya how it's done, kid. It's all about the jewel tones."


Margarita Levieva: Why go with Lauper makeup and a tried-and-true 80s neckline and then wimp out on the heels? It was "Holiday" until we hit the lack of pointy pumps!


We have approximately 5 seconds before Sari Lennick starts a round of inappropriate giggles. Possible caused by itchy lame.


"Yes, I am doing Audrey, dammit! And it's glorious!" (Melonie Diaz)


Shohreh Aghdashloo: "Oh, honey, you have no idea. This is my little brooch."

[Images via Getty]

• Nicole Richie has obtained a restraining order, preventing two celebrity photographers from coming close to her or her kids.

Nicole claims that one of the snappers trespassed at her home and the photographers often stomp their feet on the ground to try to get a reaction from her. [AP]

• In court, Nicole Richie's lawyer called Joel Madden her husband, but he misspoke; the Nicole and Joel are not married. [TMZ]
• SHOCKER: Robert Pattinson will be People's "Sexiest Man Alive." [OMG Blog]
• Whoa: Oprah has to get a pay cut if she wants to keep doing her show? How will she be able to afford her favorite things?!?! [NY Post]
• Avast me hearties! Johnny Depp has agreed to a $35 million pay deal to be in the fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film, which makes him the highest-earning actor in Hollywood. That's a lot of dubloons, savvy? [Telegraph]
• Kate Hudson was asked if Alex Rodriguez actually has a painting of himself as a centaur in his house. She dodged the question, sorta, saying "That is the craziest thing anyone has ever asked me." Video at the link. [MTV News]
• Great Scot! Behold: Gerard Butler in a kilt. [Gatecrasher]
• "Hollywood Hills Burglar Bunch" suspect Alexis Neiers pled not guilty to breaking into Orlando Bloom's house yesterday. [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton's brother Barron got one of the "Burglar Bunch" bounced from a club Saturday night. [Page Six]
• In case you missed it, Sarah Palin called Levi Johnston an aspiring porn star on Oprah. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Oh, and Sarah Palin won't go on Letterman, because: "I don't think that I'd want to boost his ratings." [NY Post]
• Levi Johnston's Playgirl shoot did not include full frontal nudity. [People]
• Anthony Michael Hall's ex-girlfriend has a restraining order against him after he allegedly stalked her and attacked her in her apartment. Farmer Ted's spokesman says: "All of the allegations are erroneous and will be addressed accordingly." [Page Six]
• The Los Angeles City Council would like to get back $3.2 million the city spent on Michael Jackson's memorial service. A spokesman says: "During these tough economic times right now, that's big money. We're laying off, people are getting furloughed...It's still money that we put out for a memorial service for Michael Jackson." [E!]
• Meanwhile, Joe Jackson is claiming that Michael Jackson's name was forged on his will and is trying to get the executors of the will fired. [TMZ]
• Cindy Crawford's alleged blackmailer, Edis Kayalar, has turned himself in at a police station in Stuttgart, Germany. [AP]
• The Today show cancelled Al Roker's interview with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, so, naturally, Spencer Tweeted some rude things about Al. For example: "WEATHERMAN I thought you were out of town today getting your stomache[sic] stapled again?" And: "you look very sick? Do you always look like your[sic] about to die? How old are you 97? You should retire asap- No one would even know?" [Us Magazine]
• A judge in Massachusetts has thrown out a lawsuit accusing Elisabeth Hasselbeck of plagiarism in her book about celiac disease. [AP]
• A paparazzo kept on calling Becki Newton "Kelly Ripa." So Becki rolled with it and did her best Kelly impression. [Page Six]
• Congressman Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) thinks Carrie Prejean should have a career in politics. [TMZ]
• No one recognizes Robin Wright Penn with her dark hair. [Gatecrasher]
• Wait: Robin Wright Penn is now Robin Wright. And she was overheard at the screening of her film The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee saying: "This is all about new beginnings for me." [Page Six]
• Lady Gaga's tour without Kanye is already a success, as tickets are selling out super quick. [Gatecrasher]
• Ryan Reynolds and Anna Faris will star in TMI, a flick about too much honesty in a relationship. [Variety]
• Anna Faris has also been cast in a romcom called Wedding Bannned, in which she'll play Robin Williams' daughter. The story? "A long-divorced couple kidnap their daughter (Faris) on her wedding day to prevent her from making the same mistakes they did. The parents rekindle their relationship as they elude cops and the angry groom." [The Hollywood Reporter]
• BREAKING: Lindsay Lohan is the top fashion party attendee in New York. [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley threw a birthday party for the guy who wrote New York Minute, aka one of the worst movies I have ever seen. [Page Six]
• Twilight fans in LA are already camped out to see New Moon. [NY Daily News]
• Hey, look, a Britloid published a lie and apologized again! This time they printed erroneous info about Sharon Osbourne. [Daily Express]
• Mary J. Blige says her song for Precious is fairly personal: "I went into the studio and cried hard, reaching back." [Variety]
• Heather Locklear = "drama" and "diva antics" on the set of Melrose Place. There was a button missing on her jacket and she allegedly said: "You've got to be (bleeping) kidding me, right? What kind of operation is this?" Then she stormed off. Allegedly. [MSNBC via the National Enquirer]
• In the piece at the link, Heather Locklear talks about Melrose Place, saying: "I saw the pilot and I wasn't sure, still. But then I saw the second episode and I thought, 'This is really fun, the clothes are great and now they're starting to get into some story lines.' And I went, 'I'm in. If I'm not the one who killed Sydney, I'm in." [LA Times]
• Congrats to Adriana Lima and hubs Marko Jaric, who welcomed a baby girl, Valentina Lima Jaric, in NYC on Sunday. [NY Daily News]
• Tila Tequila has filed a lawsuit against her ex, football player Shawne Merriman. She's using pictures of her bruises as evidence. [TMZ]
• Wow, the CW might bring back Mischa Barton's show The Beautiful Life, even though it was cancelled after two episodes. Tough times? [NY Daily News]
• Tom Waits' daughter painted Hilary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi lying down and embracing each other in their undies?!?! [Page Six]
• RIP Ken Ober, host of MTV's Remote Control. [NY Times]
• "[We're] becoming more juvenile as a nation. The guys who won World War II and that whole generation have disappeared, and now we have a bunch of teenage twits." — Clint Eastwood, to GQ. [NY Daily News]
• "It is all on Steve. Steve Martin has done this before, while for me it is the first time. All the pressure is on Steve Martin." — Alec Baldwin is not worried about hosting the Oscars. [People]
• "Everyone seems to enjoy it. But I don't think it's that funny." — Kathie Lee Gifford on Kristen Wiig's impersonation of her on SNL. [NY Daily News]
• "[I had ] big boobs because I was breast-feeding; I was perfect for it. I wouldn't get cast now." — Nicole Kidman on her role in Nine. [Gatecrasher]
• "The idea that there has been a sullying of my image ... I'm not going to be buried with an Us Weekly. I don't give a (expletive) about it anymore, I can't worry about it and I don't worry about it. And I don't think people want me to worry about it." — John Mayer is all about the music, you guys. [AP]
• "When you say to a girl, 'I play golf,' her eyes glaze over. I do feel guilty about my golf. You know you're a sad case when you spend your spare time reading books on putting or going on YouTube to watch slow motion golf swings. I'll get out of bed in the middle of the night and practice my swing in front of a mirror. I'm obsessed and it's destroying my life. Golf is an addiction." — Hugh Grant. [Daily Express]
• "You're looking at someone who would get the belt every day. 'Will you shut up, Susan!' - whack! I was often left behind at school because of one thing or another. I was a slow learner… I'm just — I'm a wee bit slower at picking things up than other people. So you get left behind in a system that just wants to rush on, you know? There's nothing worse than another person having power over you by bullying you and you not knowing how to get rid of that thing." — Susan Boyle. [AFP]
• "My whole dating thing, I've been kind of chillin'… I mean, I'm Chris Brown. I'm not saying it like that, but it's just, like, girls are going to be around. I love women. But I would say I've just been chillin'. I haven't really been trying to get into a relationship or trying to date anybody." — Chris Brown. [MSNBC via MTV News]
• "I never planned to write a book. I wasn't planning on a career in writing, I wasn't thinking about stories I wanted to write down. But I had a dream… My husband thought I'd gone crazy. I didn't speak to him for ages because I had all these weird things going on in my head. I wasn't telling him about this vampire obsession because I knew he'd freak out and think I'd lost my mind." — Twilight author Stephenie Meyer. [Daily Express]
• "I finally had a healthy beautiful baby girl and I couldn't look at her. I couldn't hold her and I couldn't sing to her and I couldn't smile at her… All I wanted to do was disappear and die. [I believed] I should not exist. The baby would be better off without me. Life was never going to get better – so I better just go." — Broke Shields discussed her post-partum suicidal thoughts on Monday while receiving an advocacy award from the Hope for Depression Research Foundation in Manhattan. [People]
• "In Vancouver, shooting New Moon, I tried something. They have this thought that no one there wears hoods except for problem people. It's the only city in the world where hoods are not fashionable. It's like if you're wearing a hood you're going to mug people. So it's a boring disguise, but it worked when I wore a hood. And then I'd sort of spit on the ground a little bit and do a little bit of shaking around as you're walking. Everyone moved around to the other side of the street." — Robert Pattinson, on being "in disguise." [Time]

• Victoria Beckham put away her Hermes bags and Louboutins and wore shredded jeans and combat boots as she joined son Brooklyn and spent 2 days with impoverished children in Kentucky.

At the link, you can see pix of Posh hanging with schoolkids. Brooklyn is one of Save The Children's youngest celebrity advocates. Posh says: "What I saw in Clay Country was the hope and promise inherent in every child. That's why we have to make sure every single child has a fair and equal start in life. Seeing Save the Children's innovative programs in action, like encouraging healthy eating, I know that we can begin to reverse the childhood poverty crisis. I'm pleased Brooklyn is learning that by helping and joining other children he can play a role in making his generation the greatest yet." [Daily Mail]

• Taylor Swift is on the cover of the new 3D issue (?!?!) of In Style, and inside she talks about meeting Taylor Lautner on the set of Valentine's Day: "He and I have gotten really close," she says. "It would be confusing on the set with two Taylors in the same scene. They were like, 'Taylor, on your mark – no, not you, the other one!' So halfway through the shoot, I said, 'How about you guys call me Swifty and call him Taylor?'" She also says: "I've never thought it was a curse to be single, and at this point in my life, I'm in the mind-set where I choose to be single — like I got to light scented candles and write in my diary and I wouldn't have time for that if I had a boyfriend right now!" [People]
• Oprah claimed that citizens of Dubai get free water, electricity and health care without paying income tax. While it's true residents are not subject to income tax, there is no support for the other claims. Whoops! [Page Six]
• The National Enquirer is reporting that David Letterman's wife asked him to move out; his rep says the story is "wrong." And it appears that reporters from the Enquirer called Dave's mom for a statement, because they are jerks. Her comment: "I don't know anything about that." [NY Daily News]
• This one is real, not a Hortense creation: "Sombre Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie look distant on a rare night out as they join A-listers at art party." [Daily Mail]
• Cops in Germany have searched a home in connection with the Cindy Crawford extortion case. The apartment might belong to Edis Kayalar, the guy who allegedly tried to get Cindy and her husband to pay him not to release a photo of their daughter bound and gagged. [TMZ]
• Vivid Entertainment is trying to buy Carrie Prejean's "erotic footage." [TMZ]
• Diddy's 40th birthday party will be a "fantasy dreamland" with fashion installations, a labyrinth, performance art and light shows. Plus a "very special" musical guest. Who could it be? [Page Six]
• Holy crap, the stills from "Video Phone," Beyoncé's video with Lady Gaga, look weird and amazing. The video should be out this week. [The Life Files]
• Mariah Carey pulled out of a performance on Brit TV show Strictly Come Dancing so she could appear on competing show X Factor. [Telegraph]
• Hayden Panettiere is producing a CW show called HMS — Harvard Medical School — which basically sounds like Grey's Anatomy Junior. [ET]
• Ryan Reynolds will be part of the NYC theatrical comedy show Celebrity Autobiography: In Their Own Words, in which stars read humorous snippets from celebrity memoirs. Ryan will read from Kenny Loggins' The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love. Also reading: Rachel Dratch, Carol Kane, Sherri Shepherd, Michael Urie, and Kristen Wiig. [NY Times]
• Courteney Cox — and husband David Arquette — are looking forward to being in Scream 4. She's not sure about the plot, but imagines that: "He's probably still deputy, and I've had a lot of kids. I don't know. I'm probably miserable, and then I'm sure a lot of murdering will happen." [AP]
• Flavor Flav entered a Doritos commercial contest "randomly and unprovoked" and his spot is "pretty damn good." [Page Six]
• Sigourney Weaver has been named in a £3.1 million lawsuit over a business deal involving Vincent Longo cosmetics, of which she is a part-owner. [Daily Express]
• Eva Longoria Parker has been named Philanthropist of the Year by The Hollywood Reporter. [THR]
• Did you know that Simon Cowell has an older sister named June Cowell? And that she was a child actress? And that she has lived in Majorca for more than 30 years? You do now. [Daily Mail}
• Shayne Lamas was busted for a DUI — she says she had only one drink. [TMZ]
• Did Farrah Fawcett have a "secret lover" in her will? [Daily Express]
• Uncle Jesse John Stamos gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today. [ONTD via NBC Los Angeles]
• Run, Fez, run! Wilmer Valderrrama will join a US Marine veteran on a 100-mile trek across Louisiana. [Page Six]
• If Aretha Franklin wants you to turn the air conditioning off, turn it off! Don't release voicemails and call her a diva. Jeez. [Gatecrasher]
• Hello, random: Donna Mills of Knots Landing is not a fan of Carrie Prejean. More specifically, she thinks the beauty queen should "shut her mouth." [TMZ]
• Black people: Omitted from the Couples Retreat poster in the UK. [Mail on Sunday]
• Lou Dobbs says his departure from CNN was "amicable." [NY Times]
• Yesterday in NYC, while attempting to break up a brawl at a club in Brooklyn, cops shot and killed a bouncer who had once been a bodyguard for Jay-Z, Mariah Carey and Diddy. [NY Post]
• At the link, discover how Led Zeppelin wrote "Stairway to Heaven." [NY Post]
• "I'm not moving to America, I will sometimes go there. I have to go there to make films. We do make films in England but it's more like a hobby. They're like 'Come along, we can make a film. Oh, and can you make the sandwiches?'" — Russell Brand. [Mirror]
• "I'm hoping the chemistry with Ellen will be great — and a great start to the season." — American Idol's Kara DioGuardi. [Reuters]
• "In hindsight, it was a magnificent thing for both of us in the sense that we got to see, both of us, really commit to this. A lot of marriages, it might take years and years for something to befall the relationship to see what are we made of. Are we gonna stand up when the storms come? And to see that that early on was really, it was life changing for me 'cause I knew I was with somebody that was in this. They're really, really in this. And so, I wanted to be in this, too. We both just stepped up to the plate, and she followed her heart, you know, God bless her. It was all life-changing." — Keith Urban, on going into rehab four months into his marriage to Nicole Kidman. [CBS News]
• "Having Jude Law licking my face for three days solid was a surreal experience. It was for a scene in 2007's Blueberry Nights. My character had passed out on a table and Jude had to come in and kiss some cream off the corner of my mouth. We did the take over and over again, so he kissed me about 90 times. There are worse ways to spend your day." — Norah Jones. [Daily Mail]
• "My life was kind of weird. My mother would cook, but we would get looked after by lots of maids. It felt like we lived in these big, enormous houses with lots of guests." — Carey Mulligan's father was a hotel executive, so she lived in hotels while growing up. [Reuters]
• "I can't answer it. The way I write, it's what makes me happy. Like, I can't write when people are looking over my shoulder. I am a little burned out on vampires right now. I think I need a little break. I might go spend some time with my aliens. I might do something completely different. I've got to cleanse the palate. I may come back to it. I did envision it as a longer series. But I wrapped ‘Breaking Dawn' in a way that I felt satisfied with, so if that moment didn't come, I'd be OK." — Stephenie Meyer on the possibility of a fifth Twilight book. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady." — Ashlee Simpson. [People]
• "I hate doing school scenes and office scenes; I hate doing mall scenes… if I could do exciting genre films like this and be covered in blood and vomit for the rest of my life, I would be really happy." — Megan Fox. [Showbiz Spy]
• "I own the rights to (Oscar-winning Gone with the Wind co-star) Hattie McDaniel's life story, and I can't wait to tell that story, because that woman was absolutely amazing. She had to stand up to the adversity of black and white (society) at a time when we really weren't accepted. Mr. Lee Daniels is going to direct it, of course, and I'm going to be Miss Hattie McDaniel. I really hope I can do that woman justice." — Mo'Nique. [Reuters]
• "I love to get on that stage, honey, and make you laugh until you pee on yourself… That's my baby. I will never stop stand-up. I will be 97 years old, with two teeth and maybe a bit of hair, and I will be on that stage hoping they're having as much (fun) as I'm having." — Mo'Nique. [Reuters]
• "I feel bad for kids who are just getting famous now. If Reality Bites had come out now and I had all those people Gawker-stalking me, my life would have been hell. I feel bad for the way pop culture seems to be eating itself alive. It ends up belittling everybody."— Ethan Hawke. [NY Post]
• "When I was very young, I used to see books as the thing keeping everyone from playing with me. So there'd be long stretches in the afternoons when everyone was off in their reading corners, sprawled on couches. And I would go up to them and do this little dance to try and break their concentration, which of course they never did: ‘I'm bored!' ‘Go read a book!' ‘I'm bored!' ‘Go read a book!' And of course, now I dream of having long stretches when I'll be able to read a book." — Olivia Wilde, on being the child of writers. [New York Magazine]
• "My mother was a major fashion inspiration. Though she often wore simple housecoats with penny loafers - and usually had a Pall Mall Gold in one hand and a small glass of Scotch in the other, with an empty Hellmann's mayonnaise jar full of ice water nearby to use as a chaser - she could dress up fabulous when she wanted to. In her wedding photographs she wore a perfectly tailored navy blue coat with an off-white lining that had big, hand-painted navy blue flowers. She paired it all with navy pumps and a pillbox hat with an ivory veil. My mother certainly knew how to make an impression when she wanted to, both in the way she dressed and the way she acted. I definitely inherited those strengths from her." — America's Next Top Model's Miss J, in his new book. Do click and see the lovely vintage photo of his mother. [NY Daily News]
• "I'm like, let me get through the taping of Top Model cycle 3,413… Then I'll move to phase two, but I'm thinking about a perfume for tweens." — Miss J, on what he plans to do next. [NY Daily News]

Whip It, which opens today, was adapted by Shauna Cross from her novel Derby Girl. Ellen Page plays Bliss Cavendar, who lives in a small town in Texas and is being coached by her mother (Marcia Gay Harden) to compete in beauty pageants. One day, she sees an ad for the Roller Derby in Austin and sneaks off to see a game with her best friend Pash (Arrested Development's Alia Shawkat). She falls in love with the sport and secretly joins a team called the Hurl Scouts, which includes Kristen Wiig, Drew Barrymore, and Eve (who, for the most part, do their own skating).

Along the way Bliss clashes with her mom, her best friend, her indie rocker boyfriend Oliver (Landon Piig), and her roller derby rival Iron Maven (Juliette Lewis). A few critics complain that the plot is filled with sports-movie cliches and doesn't focus enough on real athletic ability, but all say that at the very least, the movie is extremely fun to watch. Below, a look at what the critics have to say.

Chicago Sun-Times

"Whip It" is an unreasonably entertaining movie, causing you perhaps to revise your notions about women's Roller Derby, assuming you have any. The movie is a coming-together of two free spirits, Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page, and while it may not reflect the kind of female empowerment Gloria Steinem had in mind, it has guts, charm, and a black-and-blue sweetness. Yes, it faithfully follows the age-old structure of the sports movie, but what a sport, and how much the Derby girls love it. Yes, the movie has cliches. Yes, it all leads up to a big game. Yes, there is a character's validating appearance near the end. Yes, and so what? The movie is miles more intelligent than most of the cream-of-wheat marketed to teenage girls. Funnier, more exciting, even liberating. In her debut as a director, Barrymore shows she must have been paying attention ever since Spielberg cast her when she was 5. She and her team do an especially effective job in staging the derby showdowns.

New York Daily News

The high-spirited story of an underdog who makes good, Drew Barrymore's "Whip It" looks a lot like your average sports flick. At heart, however, it's that happiest of surprises: a multiplex movie that genuinely respects its young audience.... Yes, the story is completely conventional. And it's true that the performances run the gamut, from awkward (Zoe Bell) to awesome (Kristen Wiig). But everyone - including Barrymore, playing an extra-violent Hurl Scout - seems to be having a blast, with a fierce Juliette Lewis, as Bliss' rival, leading the pack... Too many films geared toward young women casually undercut them in ways that are alternately lazy and cruel. You won't find any of that here - just a giddy blast of girl power that races confidently around the track while hip-checking Hollywood's worst tendencies.

The Los Angeles Times

Essentially, the film is a chicks-on-skates/coming-of-age/sports-drama/comedy/feminist polemic set in the racy world of roller derby. If it sounds as if it would be easy to lose your footing in all of that, it is. And on occasion Barrymore does, and not just because the floors are slick. But for the most part, the 34-year-old Barrymore, with much of her life spent in front of the camera and more than a few impressive producing credits already in the bank, proves steady on her feet, able to handle curves and straightaways with equal grace... Make no mistake, this is no deep treatise on female athletes — rent "Million Dollar Baby" or "Personal Best" for that. Instead, Barrymore has chosen to go broad — packing "Whip It" with tough, sarcastic chicks willing to totally commit to Maggie Mayhem's "be your own hero" mantra. They are, to put it bluntly, hell on wheels . . . exactly what happens when the skate fits.

The Hollywood Reporter

This familiar yet simultaneously different heartwarming tale of misunderstandings, smothering love and ultimate triumph is loaded with cliches, as might be expected. But somehow writer Shauna Cross (adapting from her novel) manages to continually inflect the story with fresh twists, most of which come from showing girls do what only boys have been allowed to do onscreen in the past. So, for example, when Bliss and her rock-band boyfriend reconcile after a series of misunderstandings, it's exactly what we expect, but newly empowered Bliss, no fool for love, makes sure the relationship is re-established on her terms, not his. And in this movie, the gross-out humor (vomiting, food fights and the like) is the newly won province of the girls, not the boys. The biggest surprise is the astonishing amount of violence that the girls wreak upon one another virtually nonstop in the many competitions that are brilliantly choreographed. They show off their bruises to one another like badges of honor. Of course, the film only is meant as an innocent entertainment, but somehow it seems more than that, like the start of some fundamental gender shift in the movies, especially when Bliss explicitly attacks her mother for trying to foist her "1950s idea of womanhood" on her. These are women who don't want to be corporate lawyers, they want to kick ass.

Variety

Though Barrymore isn't much interested in mapping the spatial complexities of roller-derby action, her shooting of the games — equal parts silly and violent — is plenty visceral for these purposes. What distinguishes "Whip It" from the sports-film pack is the director's keen focus on the minutiae of team camaraderie, as Bliss learns to body-check opponents and is gradually accepted by her elder Hurl Scouts — tough-as-nails chicks with self-styled Army-green getups and names like "Maggie Mayhem" (Kristen Wiig) and "Bloody Holly" (Zoe Bell, "Death Proof"). As coach of her own team, Barrymore has assembled a game crew of alt-film all-stars, including d.p. Robert Yeoman ("Rushmore"), editor Dylan Tichenor ("Magnolia") and ubiquitous music supervisor Randall Poster, whose soundtrack, ranging from the Ramones to the Breeders, matches the fast-rolling action hit for hit. Kevin Kavanaugh's production design captures working-class Texas marvelously, and Catherine Marie Thomas' costumes — particularly the skaters' outfits, from helmets to fishnets — are a hoot.

Time Out New York

Along that exuberant trajectory, Whip It rights a few wrongs. First, there's proof here that Juno's Ellen Page is no mere snark in the pan. She uses her tiny frame to project vulnerability, coming alive as she flings herself into danger, shedding the starchy name Bliss Cavendar for the unlikely track moniker "Babe Ruthless." In assembling her sassy sisterhood, Barrymore has also given the criminally underused Kristen Wiig her first proper role, as a maternal roller with no-bullshit sympathies. (You wish the script hadn't fully sanded down the butch aspects of the derby scene, but apparently that's what subtext is for.) Most substantially, the film pits parental hopes against the private ambitions of youth, and somehow manages to take both sides. Marcia Gay Harden is the picture's treasure; watching her swell with concern at her daughter's choices, you understand how hard it is to let go-even when kneepads are provided.

The Boston Globe

Barrymore's sharp instincts about how to orchestrate her very different performers. She has Harden and Wiig turn their muchness down, gives Shawkat enough to do so that the many folks who never saw her on "Ar rested Development'' will feel they've made a robust comic discovery, and proves she has good taste in Wilson brothers, casting the shaggiest one, Andrew, to play the Hurl Scouts' long-suffering coach. Most crucially, Barrymore encourages Page to just let herself go. The sight of her making her way up residential streets in a pair of Barbie roller skates or screaming "Marco'' in a game of Marco Polo is simply joyful. If American movies were full of stories about girls, their dreams, their mothers, their heartbreaks, their gift for smashing their elbows into people's chins, "Whip It'' would be just another happy comedy. But Hollywood is woefully short on such stories. I anticipate the day when a movie like this stops seeming like the antidote and more like the norm.

The Miami Herald

The kind of movie that makes the term "formulaic crowd-pleaser"' seem like a good thing, "Whip It" is completely predictable from the first frame. It also is ridiculously, utterly entertaining... Barrymore infuses "Whip It" with her natural, effusive personality, and although the roller-derby sequences are choreographed more for fun and laughs than sportsmanship, she also pulls off the occasional visually striking sequence (such as a lovely scene in which Page and Pigg make out underwater). "Whip It" doesn't reinvent the cinematic wheel, but it does remind you how much fun riding that wheel can be when it's given just the right kind of spin.

The Washington Post

On-screen, "Whip It" sags when it should skedaddle along, with Page's tart "Juno" persona submerged under an impassive blank slate; she's Little Miss Downbeat. In part, the fault lies with the script, which was written by Shauna Cross, adapting her book "Derby Girl." The small-town, teen-queen story line, which features Marcia Gay Harden infusing as much dignity as she can into Bliss's overbearing mother, feels cobbled together from a million Bible Belt caricatures, and when Bliss falls in love with a shaggy-haired rocker (Landon Pigg), "Whip It" takes yet another digressive swerve. At one point the young couple can be seen wandering around in a field looking for car keys, and it's as if Barrymore herself is out there, searching for the plot she just lost.

The A. V. Club

Barrymore's middling directorial debut, Whip It, is exactly the movie people have come to expect from her: a light, ingratiating, femme-centered ensemble piece with a positive message on empowerment and independence, with a romantic-comedy element thrown in, because she certainly knows her way around those. It's virtually impossible to hate the film, but Barrymore's presence behind the camera suggests more calculation than vision; like a lot of actors who direct, she tends to the performances, but her style never rises above bland proficiency.

Entertainment Weekly

[Bliss is] heck on wheels, or so we are asked to believe: The rink footage is pretty un-whippy. Even Juliette Lewis, playing the film's designated bad girl and Bliss/Babe's nemesis on the rink, is more of a cute bee-yotch than a real threat. The movie is Drew Barrymore's directorial debut (she also plays fellow Hurl Scout Smashley Simpson), and it's clear she's more attuned to grrrlishness than real athletic power: Smashley is the first to scream ''Food fight!'' and the 34-year-old actress leads the charge in kidlike mayhem.

Reel Views

"Whip It," the directorial debut of actress Drew Barrymore, is a sports film that uneasily straddles the divide that exists between comedy and drama. Built upon a mountain of clichés, the screenplay wallows in artificiality and, although some of the sports action sequences are well choreographed and have a ring of authenticity, nearly every scene away from the arena reeks of contrivance. The lead character isn't remotely believable and the screenplay feels like it went into production while still in the draft stage. The things Whip It does well are overshadowed by its numerous missteps.

USA Today

Under Barrymore's direction, the skating action sequences are lackluster, and the story unfolds at a leaden pace. A sports-themed/female-empowerment story may have been too ambitious for a first-time filmmaker. Though there are subtly humorous moments, the derby's sense of urgency is oddly muted. Sports films centering on girls and women are worth cheering on. But Whip It lacks the charm and energy of a Bend It Like Beckham. Strangely, Barrymore's tribute to girl power lacks exuberance.

The New York Times

Ms. Page, rotating the "Juno" cool-nerd archetype a few degrees in the nice girl direction of Molly Ringwald in "Sixteen Candles," is smart, sharp and convincing. Bliss's pluck is appealing, but the selfishness and insensitivity that are part of any adolescent's self-defensive armory are also very much in evidence. And Bliss's mother, Brooke, may start out as a caricature of prim, pathological femininity, but over the course of the movie she grows in interesting directions. The debutante fantasies that hover over her pageant fixation are not pretensions, but rather the aspirations of a tough, hard-working woman (Brooke is a mail carrier) who is ultimately more clued-in and more sympathetic than Bliss gives her credit for being.

Salon

Barrymore's actors are, at least, having a good time, and their enthusiasm shows. Wiig is a terrific comic actress, with highly idiosyncratic timing, but in this picture, as in the recent "Extract," she proves that she can do more than play amusing oddballs: She shows glimmers of vulnerability beneath her twitchy, plainspoken demeanor. And Page is a lovely, surprisingly understated presence here. She doesn't just recycle the precocious-wiseacre character she perfected in "Juno." She and Harden, in particular, have a fine-grained rapport — together, they keep the mother-daughter plot thread from becoming mundane. Barrymore doesn't do so well in terms of overseeing the movie's action sequences. They're a bit muddled, visually: Even though one of the characters takes care to explain the rules of the sport, it's sometimes hard to tell who's coming from where, or who's winning and why. And yet some of the movie's early skating sequences — particularly the one in which Bliss suddenly realizes that she's found something she's pretty good at — capture what it's like to feel you're flying on wheels. "Whip It" may be unfocused and sprawling, but it's infectiously cheerful, too.

Earlier: 7 Things I Loved About Whip It

• Donald Trump is calling for people to boycott Kanye West due to "Swift-gate," "so this kind of thing doesn't happen again." He says, "He couldn't care less about Beyonce. It was grandstanding to get attention." From one who'd know. [TMZ]

• Kanye West apologized again to Taylor Swift on his blog, writing: "I feel like Ben Stiller in "Meet the Parents" when he messed up everything and Robert De Niro asked him to leave... That was Taylor's moment and I had no right in any way to take it from her. I am truly sorry." He wrote another statement last night, but it was quickly deleted. [TMZ]
• Taylor Swift told reporters after the incident, "Well, I was standing on stage because I was really excited because I had just won the award. And then I was really excited because Kanye West was on stage. And then I wasn't so excited anymore after that." [Us]
• More celebrities are weighing in on Kanye. John Mayer Tweeted: "Big love to my girl @taylorswift13. A class act." Joel Madden writes: "WOW Taylor Swift's first VMA and she didn't even get to ENJOY it. Kanye You were just a bully on that one man." Katy Perry gets right to the point: "F**K U KANYE. IT'S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN." [TMZ]
• Kanye may have messed with the wrong lady. The guy who played "Wolf" on American Gladiators wrote: "Just thought Kanye might want to know I hang with alot of the Country Artist and I will bump into him somewhere... HARD and several times!!! He is an ass and needs taken down, maybe Criss B can be there too. School is about to open and lessons about to be taught!" [TMZ]
• Kelly Clarkson wrote a blog post addressed to Kanye saying: "I've seen you do some pretty shitty things, but you just keep amazing me with your tactless, asshole ways. It's absolutely fascinating how much I don't like you. I like everyone. I even like my asshole ex that cheated on me over you… which is pretty odd since I don't even personally know you... The best part of this evening is that you weren't even up for THIS award and yet you still have a problem with the outcome. Is winning a moon man that much of a life goal?? You can have mine if it will shut you up. Is it that important, really??" [Rolling Stone]
• Even Joe Jackson bashed Kanye, saying, "I don't know what he was doing, he jumped up on stage and snatched that microphone out of that poor girl's hand. They should blackball him out of show business for that. He just leapt up there, that was bad." [TMZ]
• It seems Russell Brand is the only one who has any sympathy for Kanye. He says, "I know Kanye, and I know he's a nice bloke. We all make mistakes in life... We're all people, these things are a bit silly, no one died." [People]
• Telepictures, the production company behind Ellen DeGeneres' and Tyra Banks' shows, wants to develop a View-like show starring Kate Gosselin and Paula Deen. "They're looking around and casting for other women to be on the show with them," said a source. "But they want all the women to be moms." [E!]
• While co-hosting The View this morning, Kate Gosselin said of her divorce, "This is definitely, I'm not going to lie, difficult... For the sake of my children, I'm going to take the high road" and not discuss the matter further. [People]
• Kate Gosselin said at the Cleveland Women's show on Friday, "I've lost a lot of control in my life," adding, "At the beginning of all of this, you've heard me say before, I didn't want fans gawking, I didn't want people gawking, I just wanted to be myself, my family. I have learned, I appreciate your support, I need you, I love you, thank you." [Us]
• On the red carpet of the Toronto International Film Festival paparazzi told Colin Farrell's sister to move along so they could get a shot of him and he grabbed a photographer by the collar and shouted at him until he apologized. [Daily Mail]
• Ne-Yo has been in the studio with Rihanna, working on her next album. He says, "Expect an edgier, almost angrier Rihanna on this one... Rihanna says some things on this album that you've never heard her say before." [E!]
• "All kinds of things keep me grounded. My dogs and having to wake up and walk them every morning and having to walk them before bed at night," says Mischa Barton. "The routine of everything I do – going to work every day here and working on a television series and how much work that is." [People]
• Elton John and his partner David Furnish won't be able to adopt a 14-month-old HIV-positive boy from Ukraine because the country requires adoptive parents to be no older than 45 and married. Elton said, "He has stolen my heart. And he has stolen David's heart and it would be wonderful if we can have a home." [AP]
• Nick Hornby and Ben Folds wrote a song called "Levi Johnston's Blues," which includes the lyrics, "I like to do some shit, do some chillin' I guess/ You fuck with me and I'll kick your ass." [New York Magazine]
• Harrison Ford says, "The story for the new Indiana Jones is in the process of taking form...Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work. If the script is good, I'll be very happy to put the costume on again." [People]
• Hulk Hogan is suing his own lawyers because he claims he paid them more than $1 million to represent his son Nick after his 2007 car crash but the law firm never informed him that his insurance company offered to represent him for free. [TMZ]
• Terri Irwin is getting caught up in a legal battle with the distributor of Croc Chocs and Zoogle Jellies, candies that feature a photo of Steve Irwin and are sold at the Australia Zoo. [News.com.au]
• The ACLU says Richard Hatch is being held under "harsh" conditions in a Masssachusetts jail for giving an unauthorized interview while he was on house arrest, and is being kept in solitary confinement for 23 hours a day. [USA Today]
• Oprah Winfrey says she's willing to go to Cophenhagen next month to help convince the International Olympic Committee that they should pick Chicago for the 2016 Summer Olympics. Chicago is up against Tokyo, Madrid, and Rio de Janeiro. [Chicago Tribune]
• Oprah Winfrey says even though she threw her support behind Barack Obama during the campaign, "I have not said one thing about this political situation and don't intend to... Everybody knows that I was a big campaigner for Obama and I still am. I think he's doing a great job. I think that it's the toughest job in the world with the economy and health care and all of that." [AP]
• Seth Meyers says he'll be doing 'Weekend Update' alone on the upcoming season of SNL, despite reports that Kristen Wiig would become his co-anchor. "I'm so heartbroken that the Internet, for the first time, was wrong about something," Meyers said. "How are we ever going to trust the Internet again?" [CNN]
• Lil Wayne's first child with Lauren London was born last Wednesday, and singer Nivea claims that she's also pregnant with his child. He already has two children from previous relationships. [E!]
• Michael Bay says he doesn't approve a letter from the crew of Transformers calling Megan Fox stupid and ungracious after she compared Bay to Hitler. He wrote on his website, "I don't condone the crew letter to Megan... and I don't condone Megan's outlandish quotes. But her crazy quips are part of her crazy charm. The fact of the matter is I still love working with her, and I know we still get along. I even expect more crazy quotes from her on 'Transformers 3.'" [UPI]
• On the finale of America's Got Talent on Wednesday nigh,t Susan Boyle will wear a Suzanne Neville dress the designer says will "really wow" the crowd. She says, "The brief was to make Susan look super elegant and so we created a long, classic black gown for Susan to wear." [People]
• At the Toronto Film Festival David Duchovny said of his wife Tea Leoni and their two kids, "I had to leave them this morning to come here – that's tough," adding that though he and Tea separated last fall now at home, "Everything is great." [People]
• RHOA's Kandi Burrus says of her relationship with her fiance AJ, "We're on hiatus. He's a great guy and he's not the type to sit on his behind like a scrub, so it has nothing to do with that. Yes, he has a lot of children, and yes, I didn't know about them all at first but I got over it because as long as you handle your responsibility and spend time with your children it's not an issue for me. Another thing I want to set the record straight on is that AJ was married before. A lot of people make comments like, if he didn't marry his other children's mothers then why do you think he's going to marry you." [ONTD]
• Robert Downey, Jr. says of his relationship with Jamie Foxx's character in The Soloist, "In some ways the film feels like a love-story. A platonic love story, of course. But it's also about faith – about believing in that connection between people, and to me that means believing in ourselves. It's funny to say this about what I guess is a big Hollywood movie, but actually it feels like something more personal, something quite pure." [The Telegraph]
• Beth Ditto says she doesn't mind that many people know who she is, but have never heard her music. She explains: "I'm not someone who says, 'It's all about the music, dude.' As a woman I think the media really want to see you demonised for having a life outside your musical family. A woman has her nuclear family, and that's supposed to be all there is, and if she steps outside that role of wife, mother or daughter to become an independent personality, she's immediately criticised for neglecting her motherly duty. That's exactly how I feel about Gossip; like I should have that motherly duty to my band. If I were a man I don't think it would be a problem." [The Independent]

• Did Rosie O'Donnell and Star Jones bond over their mutual issues with Barbara Walters? They may do a reality show described as "Oprah and Gayle King's cross-country trip [mixed] with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's The Simple Life." [Perez Hilton]

• Meghan McCain says she's honored to guest host The View this Wednesday and Thursday because the show is, "the only place where I could watch women of different ages and backgrounds talk about current events in an open forum." [Daily Beast]
• Chris Brown will perform in the Michael Jackson tribute concert in Vienna on September 26. It will be his first public performance since he assaulted Rihanna. [Us]
• Katherine Jackson and other members of the Jackson family are mad at Jermaine Jackson over the Michael Jackson tribute concert. A source calls it "the Jermaine Jackson show" and says the family thinks there's no reason to do a tribute concert in a city MJ had not particular connection to... aside from his love for castles. [TMZ]
• Sources claim a recent blind item about a reality star hooking up with a singer is actually about John Mayer and Kristen Cavalleri. Their "friends with benefits" relationship has evolved, and they're considering going public. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Production of the film Red Sonja has come to a standstill because Rose McGowan was injured while doing stunts. "I had wrist and elbow surgery and they took part of my elbow out. I had really bad nerve damage from doing stunts - I do a lot of my own stunts," McGowan said. "I could no longer use my arm, but now I can hold a fork and drive so we're working our way up. It'll probably be another six months of rehab, but It's the price you pay for being really limber and being able to do back flips!" No word yet on whether she will get a replacement arm made out of a machine gun. [Fox News]
• Brad Pitt supposedly spent £50,000 designing and constructing a gerbil run for his kids' pets. [The Sun]
• Whitney Houston's album "I Look To You" debuted at number one this week, selling more than 300,000 copies. [Showbiz 411]
• Chris Robinson, Kate Hudson's ex-husband, is expecting his second child with girlfriend Allison Bridges in early 2010. [Us]
• A source says the rumors that Kristen Wiig is going to co-anchor Weekend Update with Seth Meyers are not true. [Entertainment Weekly]
• A tribute video played at DJ AM's memorial last week was released online yesterday. It features him behind the turntables, with family members and various celebrity friends. [E!]
• After watching the video, Travis Barker Tweeted: "This vid makes me smile from ear 2 ear and tear at the same time, miss u homie." [TMZ]
• Clark Gable's grandson, Clark Gable III, was stabbed in the chest at a Los Angeles house party after calling another guest "a very bad name." Police have arrested one person and are looking for another suspect. [TMZ]
• George Clooney has donated £12,000 to a charity his ex-girlfirend Lisa Snowdon is raising money for by jumping out of a plane. A source says, "George was so impressed with Lisa's guts and determination that he wanted to help. Lisa had no idea how generous he would be until she logged on to her website and saw how much he had put down." [Daily Express]
• Christina Milianmarried music producer The Dream last week at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas. [TMZ]
• The heirs of J.R.R. Tolkien and New Line Cinema, which produced the Lord of the Rings trilogy, have settled a lawsuit, clearing the way for a two-film prequel based on The Hobbit. [AP]
• Elijah Wood is donating his genetic material to DNA 11, a personalized-art company that will create artwork based on his DNA. The work will be sold on eBay to benefit Art of Elysium, a charity for children with serious medical conditions. [People]
• Elle Macpherson's boyfriend Jeff Soffer is in serious debt due to a loan he took out to remodel the Fontainbleau resort in Florida, where Goldfinger and Scarface were filmed. [News.com.au]
• Karina Smirnoff and Maksim Chmerkovskiy of Dancing With the Stars have broken up. [E!]
• Chmerkovskiy dumped KSmirnoff because she was too high maintenance, according to a source who adds, "He simply couldn't take it anyomore." [Radar Online]
• Former Rolling Stones guitarist Bill Wyman says Guitar Hero, Rock Band, and other music video games, "encourage kids not to learn, that's the trouble. It makes less and less people dedicated to really get down and learn an instrument... I think it's a pity so I'm not really keen on that sort of stuff." [Telegraph]
• Taylor Swift wrote on her MySpace blog that when her backup singer Liz got sick, she sent her a get well card that "had a picture of a kitten making a sad face on the front. I feel like kitten cards make everything better, pretty much." She added, "I put Craisins in the card. Not packaged, just loose Craisins in the card," because they are, "basically the most awesome thing ever... Hopefully the combination of cute kittens and Craisins will bring Liz back to perfect health." [People]
• Hilary Swank says she didn't become interested in her current boyfriend/former agent John Campisi until her marriage to Chad Lowe started falling apart. She says, "There was no spark. What's interesting is, there was never anything. It wasn't until we were well into the dissipation of our respective relationships. Going through something so difficult at the same time, we became very good friends. We became closer and closer. It was so unexpected. We both recognised that if we were going to take the relationship to the next step, we could no longer work together." [Daily Express]
• Tony-winning singer-actress Christine Ebersole, who is currently doing a nightclub act with Michael Feinstein, says all she does all day is, "stay in my pajamas until I have to leave for work." [New York Magazine]
• Heidi Klum says she keeps her distance from Project Runway designers because, "Otherwise, I'd get too attached, and I'd take their life story into consideration, which I don't want to do. Either I like the clothes or I don't. I don't want to know that you live with your sick mother. I don't want to feel badly because they have a sad story, like, ‘Poor thing, let's keep him on.'" [NY Post]
• "OK, here's a problem that is holding back feminism and you see it on the blogs. We all hold each other up to an incredibly high standard in a way that men do not. Let's say a woman directs a movie that's not very good-everybody piles up on her. It's, like, "No! You're representing us! It has to be perfect!" And that's not how it works! Women should be allowed to make bad movies. Good movies. Porno movies. Terrible made-for-TV movies. Women just need to be out there directing as many movies as men do. We don't all have to be the model woman-what we need is to be more visible. We really, really are tough on each other." — Diablo Cody [The Frisky]

• Oprah Winfrey has been selected as this year's "Person of the Year" by PETA, for using her various media outlets to give "powerful voice to defend those without one." Maybe next year, Lindsay! [People]

• Tim Gunn is a friend of PETA, as well: the Project Runway judge has taped a narration for a graphic anti-fur video that is being sent to major designers in order to deter them from using rabbit fur. "Any designer in the fashion industry who does not want to watch the PETA video and see exactly what happens to animals and how they're treated and how the product that they use comes to the marketplace, I believe, is egregiously irresponsible," says Gunn. [PageSix]

• Criss Angel says he doesn't want anything for Christmas, except for his girlfriend, Holly Madison: "I'm hoping Holly will just put a bow in her head and that will be my present," Angel says. Madison has similar wishes: ""I just want you," Madison told Angel, "I'm in love and I'm so happy."Anyone who ever saw one episode of The Girls Next Door can see exactly where this relationship is going. [People]

• Jessica Alba and Cash Warren, who are already married, held a private commitment ceremony in front of friends, family, and daughter Honor this weekend, in order to "celebrate their love and commitment to each other."[US Magazine]

• Rhianna will be performing at the Recording Industry Association of America's Presidential Inauguration Charity Ball on Inauguration night. Her performance will benefit Feeding America, a hunger-relief organization, whose president, Vicki Escarra, claims, "We could not be happier that Rihanna will be performing at the Inauguration charity ball to benefit Feeding America." [People]

• High School Musical star Zac Efron spent time handing out 10,000 worth of free toys to critically ill children on Friday. ""Some of the kids couldn't even speak, but they had the widest grins and would sit as close to him as possible," a source says, "Zac was super gracious and could not have been more kind and truly happy to be there."[US Magazine]

• Is David Beckham signing up for an Italian version of Big Brother?[DailyMail]

• Jim Gaffigan and Kristen Wiig will both guest star be "present" on Flight of the Conchords this season. [RedEyeChicago]

• Kelly Clarkson will be back with a new album sometime this spring. What's she been up to, since she's been gone? Find out at her new video blog. [Just Jared]

• Jim Carrey's Yes Man beat out Will Smith's Seven Pounds to claim the top of the box office this weekend. [ONTD]

• Sad news: Olga Lepeshinskaya, a Russian dancer who was reportedly "Stalin's favorite ballerina," has died at the age of 92. [Reuters]

• Academy Award winning actor Richard Attenborough is "seriously ill" after hitting his head during a fall at his home. "He had a fall and banged his head," Attenborough's niece says, "He’s not 30 any more. He’s 85 and falls hurt, you know. He’s doing well. We don’t know when he will be released or whether he will be home in time for Christmas but we all hope so." Get well soon! [DailyMail]

• Charges won't be filed against Everybody Loves Raymond star Brad Garrett, who was caught on tape shoving a paparazzi. An evaluation found that the paparazzi used “hostile and derogatory language” in an attempt to provoke Garrett. [MSNBC]

• Ladies, Robert Pattinson isn't a real vampire. He doesn't want to bite you, so stop asking. ""I was with a whole bunch of teenage girls yesterday and they were saying 'Bite me please!" Pattinson says, "I'm still waiting for the snuggles. I just constantly get people saying 'Bite me, bite me, bite me' and I have to tell them 'Look I can't bite you because it will hurt." [ShowbizSpy]

A blog post by Suzanne Muusers, a business coach, is quoted as saying Orman "personally benefits from fear mongering, and that is not what we need right now," and that Orman and others "live off selling magazines and television shows that spew irresponsible viewpoints." Orman's brand manager/ partner, Kathy Travis, says to the Journal that they turn down many of the endorsement deals that Orman is offered, particularly with banks because it could be a conflict of interest. "We have been approached by everyone — ING, Wells Fargo and HSBC. They are great companies, but in the best interest of Suze, we have a blanket rule: no banking endorsements."

For her part, Suze says fuck the haters. "There are always these people who want to attack me no matter what I do," the jacket-loving Orman tells the Journal. And speaking of Suze and her bedazzled outerwear, here's a clip from SNL of Kristen Wiig impersonating Suze and her money-saving tips for women (and if the promos are any indication, Wiig will be reprising the role this Saturday). If maxi pads are getting too expensive, fake-Orman says, you should make your own. "Buy a 24-pack of baby socks and some double sided tape," she advises, and remember, in life,"It's people, then money, then things, then homemade maxi pads."

Crisis Makes Suze Orman a Star [WSJ — sub. req.]

Earlier: The American Economic Downturn Is Tough On Jane Winebox

If you are outside of the US, you may be able to view the clip here.

And on this note of hilarity, I am going to break for a few hours. I will be back with an open thread for you Mad Men fans. If you can't stay up to watch the show tonight, be sure to check back tomorrow to read Tracie's weekly Mad Men recap. Thanks for a lovely weekend!

Chicks With Schticks [Vanity Fair]
Who Says Women Aren't Funny? [Vanity Fair]