<![CDATA[Jezebel: kristen johnston]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/jezebel.com.png <![CDATA[Jezebel: kristen johnston]]> http://jezebel.com/tag/kristenjohnston http://jezebel.com/tag/kristenjohnston <![CDATA[Gerard & Jen Get "Married"; Lindsay's "Incriminating" Videos Stolen?]]>

"It was quite romantic. We were joking about it: 'We might as well make this real. Keep everybody happy.'" As Gerard slipped the ring on Jen's finger, his phone rang. It was his mother. "I have to call you back. I'm getting married," Butler deadpanned — on speakerphone, so the crew could hear. "She goes, 'What?' " Butler clarified: " 'I'm marrying Jennifer Aniston!' and she's like: 'Oh, good. Well, I'm glad you made the right choice.'" [USA Today]

  • Lindsay Lohan feels "scared" and "violated" after the break in at her Hollywood Hills home. She Tweeted: "I know it was not a ROBBERY. electronics weren't taken... just things that a certain old friend knew meant a lot to me. It really makes me sad, and well, obviously-scared. :( and I'm sorry i haven't been on in a bit... my life has been kind of in shambles considering my house was broken into and i feel really violated." [The Sun]
  • Uh-oh: The "real reason" Lindsay is upset about someone stealing the safe from her house? She had some "very incriminating" videos, photos and legal documents inside. Will they go public? [Chicago Sun-Times]
  • Oh Lord. Britney Spears is "still madly in love" with Adnan Ghalib, the paparazzo she dated for a few months early last year. Notes this column: "The pap-turned-celebrity-by-association was later charged with assault, hit-and-run and battery stemming from an incident in which he allegedly attempted to run over a court official who was trying to serve a restraining order on him." A catch! [Fox News]
  • Britney has been catching shows while in New York: Wicked and The Little Mermaid, for instance. But her lawyer Larry Rudolph is with her, not alleged boyfriend/manager Jason Trawick. What does it mean? [Page Six]
  • MSNBC Scoop columnist Courtney Hazlett went to the Britney Spears concert in NYC and reports: "When Spears wasn't changing from one fabric swatch to another, her time onstage could be summed up in one word: walking. There was walking from one side of the stage to the other. There was walking from one backup dancer so she could be flung toward another. Sometimes you could find Spears walking to a cage, entering and having another person push it, so the cage could do the walking for her." [MSNBC Scoop]
  • The 53-year-old man charged with stalking Miley Cyrus told an investigator he planned on visiting her movie set and "finishing things." [AP]
  • Jon and Kate Gosselin are accusing each other of financial deception. Prediction: It will get uglier than an Ed Hardy T-shirt. [Radar Online]
  • The real reason Kate called the cops on Jon recently? She heard Jon was going out drinking and leaving the kids with babysitter Stephanie Santoro. [Radar Online]
  • Jon was spotted wearing a shirt with the words "Lies lies lies lies." [Gatecrasher]
  • On August 13, Jon and Kate's plus 8 — the children — staged a rebellion, refusing to be videotaped for the show. "The kids staged a sit-in — a revolt," Jon tells Life & Style. "They didn't want to work." [MSNBC Scoop]
  • Now it comes out: Documents released by the court show that Chris Brown and Rihanna had a history of violence. She had slapped him during an argument three months before the February incident in which he assaulted her; his response was to shove her into a wall. A second fight, in January, involved an argument inside of an SUV in Barbados. Chris Brown "exited and broke the front driver and passenger side windows of the car. No one was injured during the incident." [People, TMZ]
  • Before Chris Brown was sentenced, his record label CEO, a lawyer who has worked with Oprah and Brown's pastor all wrote letters to the judge. [TMZ]
  • Chris Brown has been "depressed" since the assault on Rihanna. [TMZ]
  • Court documents also show that in June, Chris Brown said that he was "ashamed and embarrassed" about the Rihanna beating. He wanted to plead guilty, but his lawyer, Mark Geragos, would not let him. Brown also told probation officers that he wanted to attend domestic violence counseling and "do it right." [TMZ]
  • An official transcript of the incident between Chris and Rihanna is at the link; it is detailed and disturbing. Just a snippet: "As he drove, he continued to punch the victim in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand…
    [Brown] looked at [Rihanna] and said 'I'm going to beat the shit out of you when we get home! You wait and see!'" [TMZ]
  • Kari Ann Peniche, whom you may have seen topless in Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane's nude video, says that she is a sex addict but not a madam. She says her hard drive has pictures of reputed madams because she once wrote a college paper about prostitution. She also says: "My biggest concern is my family. My brother is saying he wants to change his last name now. He goes, 'You're not my sister anymore.'" [E!]
  • Six words: Neal Patrick Harris on American Idol. [Gatecrasher]
  • Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer got together during the pilot of True Blood, but kept it very quiet. Costar Carrie Preston says: "They were very cool and professional about it." [People]
  • John Mayer and Taylor Swift will be making music together, and that is not a euphemism. [Gatecrasher]
  • Beyoncé has been named Billboard's Woman of The Year. [AP]
  • Paula Abdul has gotten the boot from Ugly Betty "over her outrageous demands" — including a private jet. This report claims she will host a VH1 show called Divas instead and Kristen Johnston will take Paula's part on Ugly Betty. [The Sun]
  • Danielle Staub from Real Housewives Of New Jersey needs a cover shot for her upcoming memoir, and is trying to get photographers to take a picture of her for free. A source says, "It's embarrasing and tacky!" [Gatecraasher]
  • A "skripper" pal of Amber Rose claims that she got illegal injections from a "hood doctor" to make her butt bigger. [Media Takeout]
  • Chelsea Handler and her boyfriend have broken up. But as you may know, her boyfriend is Ted Harbert, CEO of Comcast, aka her boss. He's moved out of the house and into a hotel. [Gatecrasher]
  • Joe Francis is facing a criminal trial, and his defense team will try to legitimize Joe by linking the Girls Gone Wild mastermind to stars like Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn and Jack Nicholson. Too bad Jen's name is misspelled in the presentation slide. [The Smoking Gun]
  • Curious about Martina Navratilova's love life? Want to see the word "galimony" used in a sentence? Click the link! [Page Six]
  • A&E is planning a reality series about the Jackson brothers. The network had already ordered a show before Michael Jackson died, but now the series will be expanded and focus on the band as they reunite as brothers — "underneath a cloud of tragedy." [NY Times]
  • Comedy Central has been doing research on its fans and finds that viewers say that "people think I'm cool because I watch" Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. [NY Times]
  • Drag performer Erickatoure Aviance went to a taping of the Wendy Williams show, but was told that she could not appear on camera or ask any questions because she was "in violation of the no-costumes dress code." Aviance said: "This is not a costume." And someone connected with the show said: "Well, it's a costume to us. We don't want the show to turn into Let's Make a Deal, where everyone comes in crazy costumes." Aviance was stunned: "So you're comparing me to a man in a gorilla suit?" Aviance notes: "I was wearing a ponytail piece and a bang piece. It was much less hair than Wendy was wearing and, p.s., much less hair than any of the other black women in the audience." Now Lonnie Burstein, the VP of the company behind the show, has issued an apology to Aviance and to GLAAD. [Advocate, Advocate]
  • Susan Sarandon: Joining the cast of Oliver Stone's Wall Street 2: Electric Boogaloo. [Variety]
  • Redmond O'Neal, son of Farrah Fawcett, has signed a reality show deal — brokered by his dad, Ryan O'Neal — that will chronicle hus strugle with addiction. [MSNBC Scoop]
  • "Eddie Cibrian and Wife 'Both Happy'...Now That They're Getting Divorced." [E!]
  • The Who's Pete Townshend has written a new musical, Floss, about the aging process. It's like, "Tommy can you hear me? Turn up your hearing aid!" [AP]
  • Whatshername's new boyfriend tells her he loves her 50 million times a day, which seems excessive. [Daily Mail]
  • "It was exhilaratingly humiliating. But I completely became giddy in a strange way the moment I put on the dress. Vanity quickly set in, and I thought to myself, 'I wish my belly was flatter.' Let's face it, I don't look great in a dress, but it's nice to hear I have nice legs." — Liev Schreiber on playing a transvestite in Taking Woodstock. Click for pic! [People]
  • "The Runaways is absolutely not a biopic. It's not fact-for-fact. What they did was basically take elements from the Runaways story and created a parallel narrative. We're hoping it will be great. They exceeded our expectations with the casting. ... Even if it's not a huge movie, it's going to have a colossal effect on young girls playing rock 'n' roll, for sure. Kristen [Stewart] was so into it, into the whole vibe of doing this. I think she felt a weight and a responsibility to interpret it correctly. She was really serious about it and was watching me and asking me all sorts of question, from speech aspects to watching my body language, watching where I stood, watching my guitar playing. She really worked hard to get it right." — Joan Jett. [The Hollywood Reporter]
  • "Everything in our movie, it's such a heightened version of reality. People don't just break up [in the films] – they break up and it literally kills you. It's not like you just say, 'Oh, I'm really depressed and crying.' I always had a really hard time figuring out, 'Am I doing enough? Do I look like I'm going to die?' My favorite line in the book is when I have to say to [Jacob], 'It's him; it's always been him!' Yeah, it killed me. It killed me." — New Moon star Kristen Stewart. [People]
  • "I do get men trying to pick me up and it's funny because a year ago, when I was dressing like this, with a very avant-garde fashion sense, I think I intimidated men much more. It was funny the other day when I was wearing my cone head and this radio DJ was saying, 'Oh you're so sexy', when the mic was off. I thought, 'I can't believe that after a whole year, they finally think my cone head is sexy." — Lady Gaga. [Mirror]
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<![CDATA[Jen & Gerard Caught Kissing; VH1 Star Charged With Wife's Murder]]>

  • After shooting a fight scene for The Bounty, a source says Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler were "lovey-dovey" and "we saw him give her a little kiss." He was also throwing peanuts and popcorn in her mouth. [Radar Online]
  • Jennifer Aniston feels "rejected and upset" because Bradley Cooper chose Renee Zellweger over her. "She wanted to turn her date with Cooper into something...she honestly feels screwed over," says a source. [Us]
  • It's only been a few days since Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn announced that they're divorcing, but he's already been spotted partying with two different women. [TMZ]
  • Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall are fighting on the set of SATC 2 because Kim's upset that she just broke up with her boyfriend Alan Wyse. "Sarah is too busy to comfort Kim or worry about her problems at the moment, and she basically told her as much," says a source. "Kim has been moping around, feeling sorry for herself and Sarah basically told her to snap out of it and buck up her ideas." [This Is London]
  • Ryan Jenkins has been charged with the murder of Jasmine Flore by the Orange County D.A. [TMZ]
  • The murder complaint against Ryan Jenkins says his bail recommendation is $10 million and a wanted poster warns that he's "armed and dangerous." [TMZ]
  • The police got a "Ramey Warrent" for Ryan Jenkins that lets them bypass the D.A. and go directly to the judge, which is often used in cases when a suspect is on the run. [TMZ]
  • Police have confirmed that Ryan Jenkins has entered Canada. It seems he took a boat from Washington State to Canada, then abandoned the boat and entered the country on foot. [People]
  • Ryan Jenkins has business ties to Honduras and that may be his final destination. [TMZ]
  • A criminal complaint had been filed against Ryan Jenkins for allegedly hitting Jasmine Flore "in the arm with his fist" in June. [TMZ]
  • TMZ has an email Ryan Jenkins sent to Jasmine Fiore three weeks before she was murdered. He wrote: "Your [sic] my angel, despite what we've done to each other." [TMZ]
  • Joe Jackson says Michael Jackson's burial has been pushed to August 31, two days after what would have been his 51st birthday because there are still things the family needs to get in order, that apparently they didn't get to in the past two months. [TMZ]
  • Katherine Jackson asked a judge to let her show a confidential AEG Michael Jackson memorabilia deal to her financial advisors. AEG has threatened to pull out because the company is worried people are losing interest in MJ. [TMZ]
  • Tito Jackson and Gladys Knight will do a U.K. tour called the "Midnight Train to Love," as a tribute to Michael Jackson. Tito will perform songs by MJ and the Jackson 5, as well as music from his upcoming album. [Reuters]
  • Promoters for the global Michael Jackson tribute concert in Vienna say the web site crashed half an hour before ticket sales were set to star because a million people had logged on. 85,000 passes are available for the September 26 concert. [AP]
  • David Copperfield said (through lawyers during an interview because the reporter started asking her, "Who's your favorite Australian..." The manager thought the reporter was going to ask about Australian designer Katie Perry, who Katy was in a legal battle with earlier this year, but the reporter says she just wanted to know who her favorite Australian artist is. [The Sun]
  • Snoop Dogg had to poll the audience during Who Wants To Be A Millionaire because he didn't know the name of the character with an inkblot on his face from Watchmen. He said, "Man I seen that movie too and I fell asleep on it." [The Sun]
  • Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Oz are suing a websites for products like "Colon Pro Cleanse, Power Colon Cleanse, Colon Max" that feature their images, names, and voices. Their lawyers say the companies are cashing in "on the false premise that [the products] have been tested or recommended by Miss Winfrey and/or Dr. Oz when they have not." [TMZ]
  • Oprah Winfrey is planning a huge party for the 10th anniversary of O, The Oprah Magazine, in May. She may hold a concert at Radio City Music Hall or close down New York's West Side Highway for a charity event. [E!]
  • At first the owner of the Centerville Pie Co. on Cape Cod denied that she sold Oprah Winfrey's entourage 20 pies, but Oprah herself called the Cape Cod Times to say, "the pie-gate escapade actually did happen." [AP]
  • Paula Abdul was in negotiations to play Helen on Ugly Betty but was replaced with Kristen Johnston due to her list of demands, which possibly included a private jet. Johnston said, "I've always considered myself the poor man's Paula Abdul." [Entertainment Weekly]
  • Richard Hatch was serving out the end of his sentence on house arrest but was returned to prison on Tuesday when he gave an unauthorized interview to NBC and now the ACLU is getting involved. A spokesman said, "It's appalling to think that he has been sent to jail merely for speaking to the media about his own court case." [AP]
  • Bjork and her husband Matthew Barney are buying a co-op in Brooklyn. [N.Y. Magazine]
  • Jordan Scott, who wrote an obscure vampire novel called The Nocturne is suing Stephenie Meyer because she says she stole ideas from her book for Breaking Dawn. [Reuters]
  • Though it was reported that Lady Gaga would be toning things down when her tour stopped in Israel, at her last performance she faked an orgasm onstage and screamed, "Get your dicks out. Cause I heard there some pretty big cocks here in Israel!" [ONTD]
  • Claire Danes is wearing fishnets and a leotard on the cover of BlackBook here: [BlackBook]
  • "Life, that's what this record is about... It's so easy for me to do a boy-bashing pop song, but to sit down and write honestly about something that's really close to me, something I've been through, it's a totally different thing." — Avril Lavigne on her new record. [Rolling Stone]
  • You can watch the new video for "Run This Town" featuring Jay-Z, Rihanna, and Kanye West here: [Just Jared]
  • Jared Kushner asked for Donald Trump's permission to marry his daughter, Ivanka Trump. She says, "I thought it was adorable." [People]
  • RHOA's Nene Leakes says despite co-star Kim Zolciak's accusations, she hasn't been cheating on her husband, Gregg Leakes, with NFL player Charles Grant. Nene says, "Charles is not anybody I'm seeing. I want to know where Kim gets the information from." [Star Magazine]
  • Bill Cosby will be presented the Mark Twin Prize for American Humor at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts by Jerry Seinfeld in October. [AP]
  • Mickey Rourke says of filming The Wrestler, "I'm not 20 years old any more and when they throw your ass down, something is gonna hurt. My back would go out, my knee would go out. I had three MRIs in the first two months. If they would say they want to make Part 2, I would say, 'No, thank you.'" [AP]
  • Lucy Clarkson, the model for Lara Croft says she had bulimia. "It makes me angry when I see very thin celebrities who are clearly not their natural body shape denying it. That sends out the wrong message. There are girls as young as five saying they think they are too fat," says Clarkson. "The industry wants you to look a certain way. For Lara Croft they wanted me to be quite muscular, so I was working out with a personal trainer. My curves were in demand from lingerie companies and men's magazines, but the fashion world pressured me to be skinny." [The Star]
  • Kourtney Kardashian gives a run through of all the baby gifts she's already received at the link, but says she and boyfriend Scott Disick are also studying up on childbirth online. She says, "We watch these videos together on some random Web site I found called healthguru.com. They have videos which tell you what to expect, like the size of the baby at different stages, what the baby is doing inside. They're cool. Neither of us have read a book, but we're going to." [People]
  • Apparently it's standard now to ask pregnant women if they'd pose nude. Kourtney Kardashian said: "I think so. I'd have to think about it." [Us]
  • Heidi Klum says she and Seal won't be having any more kids after their fourth child is born. "We're outnumbered," say Klum. "Four is perfect. Three is a lot. But four? It's a lot of work. We're hands-on, and we feel like this is what we can handle." [USA Today]
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<![CDATA[Kristen Johnston Has ______ In The Bag]]>

[New York, July 20. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

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<![CDATA[Kristen Johnston: Puff Caddy]]>

[New York, April 7. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

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<![CDATA[First Look: Will The New Absolutely Fabulous Be Absolutely Awful?]]> We can't say how this happened, but we've seen script pages from the pilot episode of the new Absolutely Fabulous, starring Kristen Johnston and Kathryn Hahn.

Kristen Johnston, whom you may know from Third Rock or Music And Lyrics, will play Patsy. Kathryn Hahn, who was in Crossing Jordan, Revolutionary Road and Anchorman, is Edina. Ready for spoilers? Here goes:

The premise is very close to the UK version of Ab Fab, except the ladies live in Los Angeles. Eddie is described as "an attention-hungry woman who tries too hard to look beautiful." Patsy is described as "an imperious woman who loves to intimidate. She could be forty or sixty-five, it's LA, hard to tell." Eddie is in PR; Patsy is in fashion. In the opening scene, a "gorgeous African-American woman" named Novelette delivers water to Eddie's home; Eddie decides, on the spot, to hire her as an assistant. Unlike the air-headed Bubble in the UK version, Novelette is quick, smart and competent. And black! Patsy has no idea how to deal with this; when Novelette says something like, "Wonderful to meet you, Ms. Stone," Patsy replies, "It's all good, dog." In addition, Eddie tries not to act shocked when she discovers that Novelette can ski. in other words, the character exists mostly to make Edina and Patsy look like fools.

Of course, looking like fools is something Patsy and Edina do without any help: The script has Eddie announcing that she's "doing a cleanse" in order to go shrink her size 6 form to fit into size zero designer samples; Patsy uses the phrase "that's not the way I roll," the ladies smoke where they're not supposed to and make inappropriate, suggestive comments to a cute 16-year-old boy — a friend of Saffron's, naturally. That gimmick is straight out of the UK version, as is most of the plot of the pilot, which involves a charity dinner for which Eddie wants "names." She's only throwing the dinner because she's dropped off of some magazine's list; Saffron speculates it's because "the world has changed and you've been in a pill and Chardonnay fog." The zeitgeist is all about humanitarianism, she scolds. There's an incident in which Eddie, caught smoking, sprays mace in a cop's eyes, and Patsy "accidentally" stabs a chef in the hand — only alarmed that his blood is getting on Eddie's couture skirt. Some of the gags — like the ladies watching the clock and waiting for the minute hand to hit noon before drinking wine — seem extremely played out. (Didn't Cloris Leachman do that in Spanglish? Also, why would Edina and Patsy care what time it is? If there's a drink to be drunk, they'll oblige!)

The interesting angle is where the UK AbFab often flashed back to Edina and Patsy's hazy hippie druggy '60s and '70s past, the American version seems to allude to Patsy and Edina's '80s L.A. rock and roll druggy past. It could be funny to explore these women as former Motley Crue or G'N'R fans.

Unfortunately, in the end, understanding that it was just a draft, the script didn't seem as funny or irreverent as the original. (Kristen Johnston told Entertainment Weekly: "It's one of those scripts that's like my favorite kind because on paper you're like, Oh, this is funny, but when you read it out loud with two actresses, it's, like, the funniest shit ever.") While it's easy to transplant shallow, self-absorbed characters to Los Angeles, will the rapid-fire British humor translate? (A post on Mental Floss reminds us of British shows that didn't make it on this side of the pond, like Coupling and an American version of Fawlty Towers. Did you know that Roseanne Barr originally bought the rights to Ab Fab?) And let's not forget: The UK version of Ab Fab had something the American version will never have: The comedic geniuses of Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley.





Sweetie! Darling! Absolutely Fabulous Goes Stateside [Daily Mail]
Bad Fab? [World Of Wonder]
Kristen Johnston: The Scoop On Her 'Absolutely Fabulous' Return To TV [EW]
Related: TV Shows That Didn't Cut It Across The Pond [Mental Floss]

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<![CDATA[Patsy & Edina 2.0: All Mixed Up]]>

[Los Angeles, March 9. Image via Splash.]

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<![CDATA[Amy Winehouse To Parents: Take My Cash, Please]]>

  • Amy Winehouse must be coming to her senses: she's given control of her £15 million fortune to her parents. She can't spend her own money without their approval, so drugs are probably out. [Mirror]
  • Michael Phelps says of smoking that bong: "I engaged in behaviour which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment." And! "I'm 23 years old and, despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again." [Guardian]
  • Madonna, Guy Ritchie, and the kids all went to the same service at the Kabbalah Center in New York yesterday. Madge and Guy arrived and left separately, but things are "amicable." [Daily Mail]
  • Madonna was spotted with that hot Brazilian model in New York on Sunday, Jesus Luz. Are Madonna and Jesus gettin' Biblical? [Perez]
  • Britney's dad has obtained restraining orders against Adnan Ghalib and Sam Lutfi, who are "now working in concert to disrupt the conservatorship," according to the paperwork. Apparently Britney informs Adnan of where she's going, and he arranges for paparazzi to show up and photograph her for his financial benefit. Sam, meanwhile, tells Brit he's "trying" to "free" her from her conservatorship. [Extra]
  • Get ready: Kate Moss wants to be an actress. [Elle UK]
  • Wings and cupcakes: Jessica Biel threw Justin Timberlake a Super-Bowl themed surprise party in the penthouse of the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. [People]
  • Tommy Lee's helicopter was pulled over by LAPD. No, really. [TMZ]
  • Foxy! Pix of Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto as a young aspiring model. [Daily Mail]
  • As for Slumdog's Dev Patel, he says: "If you asked me a year ago would I ever have been doing a movie with [director] Danny Boyle, I would have absolutely laughed in your face." [NPR]
  • Aw, 9-year-old Rubina Ali, who also starred in Slumdog Millionaire and lives in a "one-room shack" with her family in a Mumbai slum, wants to be a Bollywood star. "I like films. I like poems and I like my school," she says. [Reuters]
  • Jennifer Aniston's house: Still a construction site after 2 years of remodeling.
    Star]
  • Ciao, Hollywood: David Beckham will leave the LA Galaxy and join AC Milan permanently, after getting approval from wife Victoria. [Mirror]
  • Here's Victoria stepping out with Cruz and Romeo, who are wearing matching shirts. [Daily Mail]
  • Is it really the end for Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy? A source says they are still speaking and this may just be a "blip." [Daily Express]
  • Although Chelsy was out partying and kept talking about how she wants to go "home" to Zimbabwe. [Daily Mail]
  • Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi had a joint birthday party where Samantha Ronson DJ'd and celebs like Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore celebrated. Our invitation must have gotten lost. [ People]
  • Chris Martin has been banned from recording with Coldplay for two weeks. [Mirror]
  • Even though Warner Bros. didn't push for Gran Torino to win an Oscar, the movie is actually cleaning up at the box office, unlike some other nominated flicks.It's "Clint Eastwood's $110 Million Revenge." [Fox News]
  • Billy Bob Thornton claims: "I’d like to do another movie with Angie one of these days. We talk all the time. She and I keep looking for something to do together; we just have to find the right thing." Sure, sure. [Daily Express]
  • Even though Courtenay Semel beat up Casey Johnson last month and set her hair on fire, they are back in love and "soul partners." [Page Six]
  • Kristen Johnston talks about her role on the new Absolutely Fabulous: She will indeed play Patsy, not Edina, as previously reported. And the show will be "different.": "We don’t smoke, we are hungover all the time, we chew Nicorette, we’re trying to be more PC, but I think it really works. It’s one of those scripts that’s like my favorite kind because on paper you’re like, Oh, this is funny, but when you read it out loud with two actresses, it’s, like, the funniest shit ever." [EW]
  • Score: Snoop Dogg coached his Snoop Youth Football league team to victory! [UPI]
  • Mary Lynn Rajskub and Janeane Garofalo get the giggles when shooting 24 scenes together. "If we make eye contact, forget it," Garofalo says. [USA Today]
  • Check out Zoe Kravitz, all dolled up for a photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz. The pix will appear in an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair. [Daily Mail]
  • Blind item! "Which heartthrob actor keeps turning up drunk to the set of his TV medical drama?" [Gatecrasher]
  • Nick Lachey loves that his girlfriend is a sports fan, blah blah blah. [People]
  • Is ABC Family, with shows that contain teenage pregnancy and underage drinking, too edgy to be called a family channel? [UPI]
  • The latest ABC family shows are all "female-oriented," including one series called 10 Things I Hate About You, based on the movie. [Reuters]
  • Lisa Loeb got married on Saturday! The lucky guy is Roey Hershkovitz, a music supervisor for Late Night with Conan O'Brien. The bride wore pink. [People]
  • Kate Middleton's childhood home is up for sale. [Telegraph]
  • Because the world could not function without his opinion, Sanjaya Malakar would like for you to know he approves of the 4th judge on American Idol. [UPI]
  • John Cleese's ex-girlfriend says when Cleese dumped her via a message on her answering machine for lying about her age, she texted back: "Look, at least it wasn’t a sex tape." [Mirror]
  • "To me, it's a party whenever I go to work. The writing is so wonderfully dark, and everybody's lying to everyone else, that it's funny. It was a very relaxed time for me — actually, way more relaxing than comedy. Comedy makes me uptight. Because in comedy, everything is not funny until that one thing that is. " — Ted Danson, best known for doing comedy, now getting attention of his dramatic role on Damages. [Washington Post]
  • "Oh God, wasn’t that awful?" — Kristen Johnston, on Bride Wars, in which she had a small part. [EW]
  • "I'm not a romantic guy at all. It’s not that I don’t believe in romance. It’s that I don’t believe in dinner for two by the ocean, walking down the beach holding hands – that version of romance. I think I'm probably romantic, but I’m not outwardly romantic. I'm not a player." — Jonathan Rhys Meyers. [People]
  • "I loved [Vicky Cristina Barcelona character] Maria Elena, yes. I mean, I hope I'm not too similar to her! And I didn't want to ever think, 'Oh, I'm playing a crazy person.' Because I mean, who's normal? I don't know anybody that is normal." — Penelope Cruz. [CBS News]
  • "I asked my agent if I could have my costumes in my contract – but she laughed in my face! I guess that doesn't really happen." — Isla Fisher, on Confessions Of A Shopaholic. [The Sun]
  • "It was pretty tough turning 18. I realised that overnight I’d become fair game. I had a party in town and the pavements were just knee-deep with photographers trying to get a shot of me looking drunk, which wasn’t going to happen. I don’t have to drink to have a good time. The sickest part was when one photographer lay down on the floor to get a shot up my skirt. The night it was legal for them to do it, they did it. I woke up the next day and felt completely violated by it all. That’s not something I want in my life. I just kept thinking that if it had happened a day earlier people would have sued their asses off… I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing… I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable." — Emma Watson. [Daily Mail]
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<![CDATA[Michael Phelps: Swims Like A Fish, Smokes Like A Phishhead]]>

  • Uh oh! Super Olympian Michael Phelps has been caught on film smoking a bong. Phelps, 23, was reportedly visiting a University of South Carolina sorority girl and apparently "ended up just getting wasted every night."[Star]
  • Phelps was "loud and obnoxious and slamming beers from the get-go. He was definitely the life of the party as every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He was eating it up, says a source, "If he was there to visit his girlfriend, there certainly was no sign of it that night. All the celebrity attention is making him really cocky, and he's going to end up getting burned because of it." What's this? A 23-year-old world famous millionaire athlete doing drugs and acting like an ass? I am shocked, I tell you! Shocked![Star]
  • A source also claims that Phelps seemed like he'd had plenty of practice: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do. He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.” [News Of The World]
  • Carmen Electra is the latest celebrity to come out in support of Jessica Simpson: "She's a gorgeous girl. A lot of women would die to look as good as she looks," Electra says, "There's going to be moments where people don't necessarily like your look or what you're wearing, and that's okay. Next week, she'll rock some outfit that will blow everyone away."[People]
  • Meanwhile, Jessica Simpson claims that her faith is helping her get through the negative press she's gotten due to her weight as of late: "Because of my faith, I believe that I can conquer the world and all its opinions and ideas and all of its judgments," Simpson says. [USMagazine]
  • Slumdog Millionaire's Oscar chances just got a bit stronger: the film's director, Danny Boyle, won top honors at the Director's Guild of America awards last night. [NYTimes]
  • Worried about the American AbFab adaptation? Kristen Johnston, who is set to play Patsy, swears the script is good: "I think they captured the exact amount of sweetie-darling," Johnston says. "I mean, it’s a totally different element, it’s a totally different show. We don’t smoke, we are hungover all the time, we chew Nicorette, we’re trying to be more PC, but I think it really works. It’s one of those scripts that’s like my favorite kind because on paper you’re like, Oh, this is funny, but when you read it out loud with two actresses, it’s, like, the funniest s—- ever." Ugh. I bet they don't even wear Lacroix, either. Lame. [EW]
  • Sir Paul McCartney will headline Coachella this year, topping a bill that includes The Killers and The Cure. Says the Beatle: "I have heard that Coachella is one of the greatest festivals in the world. I'm really excited to get out there and rock!" [Reuters]
  • Julia Roberts was once passed over by an agent who deemed the superstar "too trailer park" for films. Big mistake. Huge! [PageSix]
  • Emma Watson says she's embarrassed about her status as a sex symbol: "I find this whole thing about being 18 and everyone expecting me to be this object... I find the whole concept of being 'sexy' embarrassing and confusing," Watson says, "Personally, I don't actually think it's even that sexy. What's sexy about saying, 'I'm here with my boobs out and a short skirt... have a look at everything I've got'? My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder."[ShowbizSpy]
  • Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer over? A source says Mayer was seen on a date with another woman: "They were obviously on a date. He came in with her another time too and I've seen them out together. He gave her a long kiss before they left. John has been here six times in the last two weeks but never with Jen."[DailyExpress]
  • Heads up, Flight of the Conchords fans: the boys are going on tour this Spring! No word yet on if they'll be playing "ahhh Central Park."[Reuters]
  • Is Kate Moss considering an acting career? "She's always had dreams of acting. Kate's nervous but feels, with the right backing, she can make the transition from supermodel to Hollywood star," a source says, "[Director] Michael Figgis and Kate have been discussing possible projects and he is helping her work with the right people. Kate will combine her two careers. She won't give up modeling."[ShowbizSpy]
  • Lisa Loeb, who once documented her search for love on a reality show, has gotten married: the singer married Roey Hershkovitz, a music supervisor for Late Night With Conan O'Brien, on Saturday. You can't hear it, but she said "I doooo." I guess he's going to stay, even though she only hears what she wants to. And that's my limit for Lisa Loeb song references on a Sunday morning. I guess I'll just go sit on the corner of my bed, and smoke with the ghosts in the back of my head. Ok, I'm really done now. [People]
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<![CDATA[Michael Jackson Sued For Profits From Thriller]]>

  • Michael Jackson is supposed to share 50% of the profits from the Thriller video with director John Landis, but now he's suing because MJ hasn't paid in four years. As always, there's a weird twist.
  • There doesn't seem to be anyone in charge of Jackson's finances except for a "mysterious Los Angeles physician" named Tohme Tohme. [Perez Hilton]
  • Patrick McDermott, the former partner of Olivia Newton-John, disappeared almost four years ago, but now investigators say he is alive and on the run and has been traveling along the Mexican and South American coastline. Investigators believe he disappeared so he could avoid paying debts and enable his teenage son to collect a $150,000 life insurance payout. [News.com.au]
  • Benicio Del Toro walked out of an interview with The Washington Times about his controversial new Che Guevara biopic. Del Toro was offended by a question about the film's portrayal of the Bolivian and Cuban revolutions. "I'm getting uncomfortable," said Del Toro. "I'm done. I'm done, I hope you write whatever you want. I don't give a damn." [Media Bistro]
  • Ricky Gervais says that according to his mother, his middle name is spelled "Dene" on his birth certificate because his father was drunk when he filled it out. [The Daily Mail]
  • Gervais also says that he's started writing a skit for Sesame Street that he will also star in. It probably won't focus on that charming family anecdote. [The Sun]
  • Apparently Scarlett Johansson didn't get the hint when her album was a critical and commercial flop. She recorded a cover of the Jeff Buckley song "Last Goodbye" for the He's Just Not That Into You soundtrack, which you can listen to here. [Perez Hilton]
  • Rosie O'Donnell's Maravel Arts Center, a Fame-like after school program for poor New York City kids interested in musical theater, opened yesterday. Rosie said at the event that she stopped blogging because it "wasn't providing the joy that it used to," but says she'll start posting again soon about Rosie's Broadway Kids "more to showcase things that I'm doing as opposed to my inner angst or thoughts." [People]
  • Susan Sarandon will guest star on ER but only in an episode with fellow Oscar winner George Clooney. The episode will air toward the end of the season. [E!]
  • K-Fed went to Britney's new house to pick up their sons, and stayed for a barbeque in the back yard after Jaime Spears invited him in. [People]
  • Simon Cowell was cursed by a witch after he and the other judges voted her off Britain's Got Talent. It was bound to happen eventually. [The Mirror]
  • Paris Hilton has launched a new reality TV show in the UK to finder her "British Best Friend" but she says she won't consider Amy Winehouse. Maybe Paris should spend a little less time rejecting potential BFFs and more time wondering why she can't make friends without the aid of a reality show. [The Star]
  • Matt Damon narrates a show about environment for PBS called Journey to the Planet Earth and producers say he refused to read lines about rising Chinese soybean consumption leading to slash-and-burn farming in the Brazilian Amazon until they brought in scientists to confirm that it was true and they weren't just bashing China. [The Miami Herald]
  • Jessica Alba defended herself on her blog, saying she's not stupid because she told a reporter "Be neutral about it, be Sweden!" Jess writes: "It's so sad to me that you think the only neutral country during WWII was Switzerland. Check out: [Wikipedia link] if you want to see what I was referring to. I appreciate the name calling and the accurate reporting. Keep it up!!” [E!]
  • Dick Van Dyke says in a new interview that Walt Disney didn't hire him for Mary Poppins just because he was a talented singer and dancer. "[Disney] had heard me in an interview talking about what was happening to family entertainment," says Van Dyke. "I was decrying the fact that it seemed like no holds were barred anymore in entertainment. ... That's why he called me in, because I said something he agreed with." [CNN]
  • Molly Ringwald is writing a book about living as a 40-year-old. Says Ringwald: "[The book is] not just about 40, but people who are of my generation, catching up and what that's like and how you have to reidentify yourself at that age in a culture that's pretty youth-driven. But it's fine actually! Leading up to 40 is much worse than being 40. The sort of tick-tock — everything just seems so much weirder and scarier than it actually is." [Media Bistro]
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<![CDATA[Wheels On Fire]]> Names, sweetie, names: 3rd Rock From the Sun's Kristen Johnston is in talks to play Edina in Fox's remake of Absolutely Fabulous. Is this a casting choice we can get behind? [Variety]

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<![CDATA[Kristen Johnston: Little Red Riding Boot]]>

[New York, November 24. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

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<![CDATA[Britney Admits Her Marriage Was A Bad Idea]]>

  • In her new documentary, in addition to all the stuff about Groundhog Day, Britney Spears also talks about Kevin Federline: "I think I married for the wrong reasons. Instead of following my heart and doing something that made me really happy, I just did it for the idea of [marriage and] everything." Knowing is half the battle! [Perez Hilton, NY Daily News]
  • Watch promos for Britney's documentary. In one, she says, "I… look back and I think, I'm a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?" [Perez Hilton]
  • Someone else says of Valkyrie: "The film just isn’t a thriller at all. It’s a bunch of white guys in Nazi uniforms." And yes, Tom has an American accent. [MSNBC]
  • Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson: on the rocks. Last night in London, LL danced with her ex, Calum Best, whom Moe used to call Calum Worst. Anyways, Sam was pissed and stormed off in a huff. Lindsay was seen with tears in her eyes. Sniff. [The Sun]
  • Tom Cruise gives the infamous Heil Hitler salute in his new flick, Valkyrie, and some find it hilarious. "It’s an unsettling scene but you almost start to laugh," a source says. "His character is resisting it but you never forget it’s Tom Cruise saying 'Heil Hitler.' It’s funny and shocking at the same time." [MSNBC]
  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes celebrated their second anniversary a day early at home in Los Angeles with daughter Suri, 2, as well as Isabella, 15, and Connor, 13, yawn yawn yawn. [People]
  • Beyoncé is still in shock about dancing with Justin Timberlake on Saturday Night Live: "I still can't believe he did that. He was incredible," she says. "We rehearsed it two times. He picked up the choreography. He has this photographic memory. He could probably kill it if he wanted to." OMG yes! Does anyone smell a tour? [People]
  • Alec Baldwin on kissing Jennifer Aniston for 30 Rock: "It was painful. I mean, every man who's had to make out with her in TV and movies — I don't know how they do it." Baldwin was also asked if unstable women are better in bed. "That's assuming I've been with crazy women," he said. "If I answer that question in the affirmative, that would type a woman I've been with as being crazy, which I don't really feel like doing. But I hear it's true. I hear from my friends it's true. I will say this on the record," he said before fleeing. "I've never slept with a crazy man." [NY Mag]
  • Brad Pitt is on Oprah today! He'll be telling O how fatherhood has changed him: "[I'm] tough as nails. I’m impervious to poo, snot, urine, vomit. You can’t get me. You cannot break me down." [E!]
  • Angelina on breastfeeding twins: "It's very hard. I stopped at three months, [it was] about as much as I could do. There's this football hold – it's a lot harder than it looks in the books. I did that a few times. I would take turns. It just takes a long time." [People]
  • Are Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin on the rocks? She went to the Victoria's Secret show in Miami, and a source bitches: "She spent the summer filming a TV show in Spain with Mario Batali and now, instead of hanging out with her husband, she goes to a Victoria's Secret show? Really? Gwyneth doesn't have anything to do with Victoria's Secret. If things were so great with Chris, why wouldn't she be with him?" [Page Six]
  • The Heath Ledger/freelancer/video lawsuit is a go. [Yahoo News via E!]
  • Warner Bros has rolled out its first Oscar specific ad, a "For Your Consideration" poster urging awards voters to nominate Heath Ledger's performance as The Joker for an Academy Award. They're comparing his role to that of Anthony Hopkins, who won in 1992 for playing Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs. [News.com.au]
  • Billy Ray Cyrus says Miley Cyrus and her pal Justin Gaston are great together: "I'll tell you what – they are great friends, and they make a good team. They write a lot of songs together, and they sing – it's incredible. I always tell her that as long as she's having fun, then it's working." Wait, what? [Perez Hilton]
  • Miley says: "I think you have to be really careful about the people you trust." And what about Justin Gaston? "He's a singer, he's really cute, and he's nice and he's a Christian and I really like that." [People]
  • More from Miley! "I would want to be on a reality show like The Real World because I think that's crazy. Anyone who would do that has some serious guts." She says being followed everywhere by paparazzi "is like a free reality show, I just don't get paid for it. Sometimes I'm not looking my best. I look like a mess, and I'm like I don't want my picture taken right now. I get comments like, ‘She's not looking her best today,' and I'm like, ‘I know, I'm not trying to impress you!'" [E!]
  • Blind items! 1. Which Park Avenue socialite split from her husband when she discovered that he'd been enjoying secret conjugal relations with one of her best friends for years? 2. Which hit television show sidekick kicked an aspiring actress out of his cab after she refused to go to his apartment with him to "cuddle over milk and cookies"? 3. Which longtime New York basketball legend, whose wife handles his business, has gone bankrupt twice? 4. Which talk-show host has a flatulence problem so bad, he's said to have an assistant follow him around with an odor-vaporizing spray can? [Page Six]
  • Jessica Simpson says Tony Romo is "the whole package." Plus! "He's taught me to calm down a lot," Jess says. "I'm not organized and he's not organized either – but [he] does make me want to be organized for us." Fascinating. [People]
  • So. You know how Joaquin Phoenix is retiring from acting? He can't get enough of the camera, actually: He's filming a documentary of his transition from acting to music. But it's real, see? Not acting. [E!]
  • Michael Jackson paid £25,000 a session, for a total of £175,000 to see a "mind-mapping" guru to help him with his stage fright and creativity. The guru gets his clients to draw colorful maps. £175,000 for crayons? [The Sun]
  • Here's more about the "brain guru." [NY Daily News]
  • Um, Michael Jackson's nanny is in hiding. [Fox 411]
  • Barack Obama's win is encouraging Gillian Anderson to leave London and move back to her native America. [Daily Express]
  • Uh-oh, baby wipes enthusiast Terrence Howard has a crush on gorgeous model Noemie Lenoir. Is she "clean" enough for him? Also, they could be brother and sister, what with the skin and eyes. [Page Six]
  • Is Anne Hathaway dating yet another loser? [Page Six]
  • Rihanna and Chris Brown now have matching tattoos. [Concrete Loop]
  • Serena Williams as the Black Racket is pretty much the best silly stoopid thing you will see today. [The.Life Files]
  • Crap, Will Smith is doing a remake of Korean movie Old Boy, which is awesome just the way it is. [Reuters]
  • Denise Richards was asked about the Angelina vs. Aniston feud and got all pissy, replying: "You know what? Their life is none of my business. My life has been public, and I think everyone should mind their own business about people's relationships, to be honest. It's between them!" Don't worry honey, soon people will stop for your your opinion. You'll miss it! [E!]
  • Natasha Bedingfield: "Romance is female Viagra!" Sorry, explain? "In reality, relationships have ups and downs. If someone is worth enough to you, then you both fight to stay true through the tough times. Advice to guys: Keep the romance alive. Simple things like giving flowers or remembering special dates may sound cheesy but they do work." Oh, see, she's engaged and giddy. [People]
  • Heather Mills is sick of the invasion of privacy, people! She's filed six complaints against Britloids: The Sun, Daily Mail, Daily Express and London Lite. [Guardian]
  • Some dude claims a Martha Stewart lounge chair collapsed on him, crushing his right index finger. The tip of his finger allegedly fell beneath a deck and was eventually retrieved by a family member. He's suing Martha. Oh, and he says his life is ruined because he's a banjo player. And a hand model. [TMZ]
  • Little Britain USA: Being renewed. Computer says yes. [The Sun]
  • Click to see Kristen Johnston in a PETA ad against horse-drawn carriages. She's naked, but covered a la lady Godiva. [ONTD]
  • You've been waiting for this: Whitney Port is launching her official site soon. Okay, maybe you haven't been waiting, but it's happening anyway. [Socialite Life]
  • As previously reported, Rashida Jones is joining The Untitled Amy Poehler Show. Now we know she will play a nurse named Ann. this is all we know. [E!]
  • If you watch CSI: Miami, you'll be delighted or disappointed to find out that Sean "Diddy" Combs will make a two-episode appearance, and not as a corpse. Puff will play a prosecutor. [Yahoo News]
  • What the world needs now: A Vegas revue starring Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. "Think Spice Girls meets Showgirls." The project is called "Peep Show" and promises to be "very sexy and very girl power." [Perez Hilton]
  • Antonia Kidman, Nicole's sister and a single mom, had a coffee date. That's what this story is about. [News.com.au]
  • NFL star Tom Brady is working on rehabbing his injured knee, and while he recovers, a source spills, "No distractions and no Gisele." But doesn't supermodel glamazon Ms. Bundchen heal all wounds??? [Boston Herald]
  • David Beckham will only stay with AC Milan for three months before returning to the Los Angeles Galaxy; the Italians are not trying to keep him. [The Independent]
  • Russell Brand's stand up show in New York includes jokes about groping the Queen's breasts. He also encourages the audience: "Feel free to approach me for sex." [The Sun]
  • Alicia Silverstone, author! Her book, The Kind Diet, comes out next year; it "explores the connection between what we put in our bodies and what we’re doing to the planet, and how choosing the right foods in the kitchen can help you feeling lighter, sexier, and more alive." Plus 75 vegan recipes. [USA Today]
  • Aaaah, aaaaahhhhh! Sam Kinison biopic in the works. [NY Times]
  • Pete Doherty is on a "pub footie team" which means he plays soccer with other guys from a bar. He says he plans to "score" every week, heh. [The Sun]
  • Oh, dear. The flailing economy has hit Days If Our Lives: Deidre Hall (Dr. Marlena Evans) and Drake Hogestyn (John Black) have been axed for budget reasons. Hall had been on the NBC soap for 32 years, and Hogestyn was there for 22. Like sand through the hourglass! [NY Mag]
  • Is Magic Johnson skimpy with health coverage when it comes to people who work for him? [TMZ]
  • Chuck Norris has written a bunch of crap about the "Gay Anarchy" that America has been experiencing due to the Prop 8 debate. He says: "Protestors [sic] of Proposition 8 in California (the marriage amendment) shoved aside a 69-year-old woman who was bearing a cross. They reportedly spit on her and stomped on her cross. They then aligned themselves in a human barricade, blocking the media from getting to or interviewing the woman." The folks from Queerty call his screed a "gobbledygook of half truths, race-baiting and feigned outrage." [Queerty]
  • Click here if you want to watch Hugh Jackman sing "I Still Call Australia Home." Such a Broadway voice on that one. [News.com.au]
  • This story reads: "This week, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger… enlisted his friend and fellow environmentalist Rob Lowe to entice the notoriously wary Chinese into a discussion about global warming while showing them a little showbiz flash." Yes. Rob Lowe is meeting with Chinese officials. [LA Times]
  • Stephen Baldwin said he'd leave the country if Obama won; unfortunately he was joking. He now says: "Obama is obviously talented and intelligent, and I have great respect for the man. He's got my full support, and I'm gonna be praying for him and his administration." [Page Six]
  • Speaking of Obama, he does have friends in Hollywood, but they're not the ones you think — Clooney is not on the list. [Politico]
  • American Buffalo is on Broadway, starring Haley Joel Osment, John Leguizamo and Cedric the Entertainer, and celebrities are loving it. [Rush & Molloy]
  • Marissa Jaret Winokur will return to Hairspray December 9-January 4 for the final four weeks of its Broadway run. Not attending: Bianca Golden. [USA Today]
  • Details about the romance between Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller. Including Monroe's painful miscarriage: Biographer Christopher Bigsby writes: "'It was Arthur's,' Monroe said, between sobs. 'It was for him. He didn't know. It was going to be a surprise. Then he would see that I could be a real wife, and a real mother.' Asked how long she had been pregnant, she replied, 'Just a few weeks, I guess. I didn't dare mention it to anyone, in case it wasn't true.'" [Telegraph]
  • Bands don’t do what we used to do. Bands don’t have the theatrics. We were lighting ourselves on fire. I had a chainsaw and cut a nun’s head off. You don’t see that shit at all anymore, which is kind of sad." — Vince Neil, on the early days of Mötley Crüe. [Rolling Stone]
  • "The most repulsive celebrity I've ever met is Mick Hucknall. Unlike me he doesn't realize why all the chicks love him. And he's really ugly." — Simon Cowell. [The Sun]
  • "I've always had that fuck-the-system mentality, and his dad is so 'the system.' But then, they're the most liberal family — they bootlegged alcohol, for God's sake. They're rich because they threw big, illegal parties, so I don't mind." — M.I.A on her fiancé, Ben Brewer, who is a Seagram heir. [Page Six]
  • "I’m currently enjoying a period of sobriety, but for the last 15 years that hasn’t been the case… It’s just as I get older the hangovers get worse. If there were no consequences to drinking, I would drink all the time, but as you get older the hangovers get worse, and I’m just tired of losing entire days to hangovers, so I’m enjoying some healthy sobriety for awhile to see how that works. I don’t advocate sobriety for anyone who can drink successfully." — Moby. [BlackBook]
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<![CDATA[Kristen Johnston Is Amy Winehouse Without The Junk]]>

[New York, September 15. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

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<![CDATA[Allison Janney Taps Into That Other Hollywood Stereotype: The Shrew]]> Sure, there are enough hooker, victim, and doormat roles around Hollywood to keep Lindsay Lohan in Louboutins, but those aren't the only stereotypical female characters swimming in the brains of underpaid screenwriters. There's another cliché almost every actress over 30 has played: The Shrew. So, in honor of the revival of Kristen Johnston's career (and the popularity of shrews in the newest announcements of castings) we are declaring "Shrew" a new category to our Hookers, Doormats, & Victims feature! After the jump: Allison Janney and Kristen Johnston square-off to see who's baddest bitch in new comedies; Sigourney Weaver teams up with James Cameron again; and a remake of Friday the 13th promises to hack all of the popular girls to pieces.



Kristen Johnston, Bride Wars: Johnston will play a self-absorbed, opportunist friend of Ann Hathaway's character. The film revolves around the shenanigans that occur when two BFFs (Hathaway and Kate Hudson) have their weddings on the same day and at the same place. Verdict: Ah, the annoying friend character, almost always a Shrew.

Allison Janney, This Must Be The Place and A Thousand Words: In This Must Be The Place, Janney will play a loud and brassy woman who has "a few screws loose." In A Thousand Words, she will play Eddie Murphy's money-grubbing literary agent. Verdict: Wow! Two Shrews in two separate movies! Now that Janney is getting "old" by Hollywood standards she'll probably see a lot more abrasive female characters coming her way.

Danielle Panabaker, Friday the 13th: Panabaker (who plays James Woods' daughter in Shark) will co-star in this remake of the horror classic. She will be playing an "adventurous, athletic type" who is dating a rich boy. Verdict: A young girl in a Hollywood horror movie? She is definitely a Victim.

Uma Thurman, Motherhood: Thurman will star as a mother of two who faces "a myriad of urban challenges" as she tries to plan her daughter's sixth birthday party. Not sure if this is supposed to be a comedy or a drama. Verdict: While the details are skimpy, a "harried mother" role is usually an emotional Victim of some kind. But we will wait until the movie comes out to impose a real verdict.

Jessica Chastain, Tree of Life: Chastain has been cast to play Brad Pitt's wife in the upcoming Terrence Malick flick about the loss of innocence, as seen by the son of Pitt and Chastain's characters as different individuals race to find the mythical "tree of life." Verdict: There isn't much information about the characters in the film so we will hold off on judgment for now.

Sigourney Weaver, Avatar: Weaver will play a character in a new James Cameron film that was originally supposed to be a man. The plot is about a band of humans colonizing and warring with a distant planet's indigenous population. Weaver describes the character as being "driven, idealistic, perfectionist, but with great heart underneath" and a "great woman character."Verdict: While our intuition tells us that "driven" female characters in Hollywood are almost always portrayed as evil, we will trust ex-Yalie Weaver on this one.

3rd Rock Veteran Joins Fray In Wars [THR via Reuters]
Allison Janney Set For Two Comedies [THR]
Danielle Panabaker Adds "Friday The 13th" To Calendar [THR via Yahoo!]
Trio Preps For 'Motherhood' [Variety]
Chastian To Star Opposite Pitt In 'Tree' [Variety]
Weaver, Cameron Reunite For 'Avatar' [UPI]

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