"There's no Chanel collection without black. (It) will never exist. Who can live without some black clothes."

The designer takes a bow at the conclusion of his all-white Chanel couture show, February, 2009.

"What I hate most in life are people who are not really the peach of the day but who want to be young and sexy. You can fool nobody. There is a moment when you have to accept that somebody else is younger and fresher and hotter."

Lagerfeld in Harper's Bazaar, September, 2008.

"Life is not a beauty contest."

"The discussion of fur is childish." Furriers make a living "killing those beasts who would kill us if they could."

"There are nearly 30 per cent of young people who are too fat. So let's take care of the zillions of the too fat before we talk about the percentage that's left."

Karl Lagerfeld in 2000, when he was still fat, and Devon Aoki still modeled.

"When I was four, I asked my mother for a valet for my birthday."

At the Paris Hotel des Monnaies, holding a gold commemorative Coco Chanel coin worth 5,900 euros.

"I wish her all the luck in the world, just so long as I don't have to see her any more or hear her spoken about."

Karl and then-muse Ines de la Fressange in happier times on French television, in 1987.

"I am a sort of vampire, taking the blood of other people."

• The designer in the 2000 documentary Karl Lagerfeld Is Never Happy Anyway.
  
  "I'm a kind of fashion nymphomanic who never gets an orgasm."

  
  "I have no human feelings."

  
  "Vanity is the healthiest thing in life."

• After much consideration I have decided that I do not care at all what the personal footwear choices of the Sex and the City stars say about their personalities. [LA Times]
  
• Speaking of Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker says that her son only wears his older cousin's hand-me-downs and has never been given new clothes, other than shoes. [US Weekly]
  
• Another day, more people fired from ELLE. This time, on the dot-com side. Maybe Nina will give them jobs over at Marie Claire? [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Rachel Zoe does not want to talk about being disinvited from the Met Costume Institute Gala thankyouverymuch. [US Weekly]
  
• In case you were wondering, Cindy Crawford will be celebrating Mother's Day with breakfast in bed. [Reuters]

• Christy Turlington, however, thinks that Mother's Day should be about activism and used as a platform for taking action against the AIDS crisis. [HuffPo]
• Hilary Duff just loves being old: "I am so excited that I'm finally at an age where they want me on the cover!" says Duff regarding her turn in Allure. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Lancome and Uma Thurman: Suing one another. Good times in the cosmetics industry. [AP]
• Chanel is opening an "ephemeral" boutique on London's Dover Street. Says Krazy Karl Lagerfeld, "The tone is at the same time post-modern and romantic. It integrates a delicate punk sophistication." [Vogue UK]
• Rachel Zoe loves expensive shit. [NYDailyNews]
• I don't care that she landed Johnny Depp, I still love Vanessa Paradis. [Sassybella]
• Camper shoes; Now for the ladies. [Times of London]
• Ginger Spice: Wears clothes from Topshop. [The Sun UK]

• It will not surprise anyone to learn that the clothes worn in the Sex & The City movie were not paid for by the movie's production budget but by designers hoping that product placement in the movie will result in clothing sales to actual people convinced that dressing like the characters in Sex & The City is a wise course of action. [Variety]
  
• Speaking of which, Matthew Broderick on the opening of his latest film, the Helen Hunt-directed Then She Found Me: "We just get dressed, get in a car, and hope for the best. But Sarah Jessica's premiere will be a big one! She looks really beautiful today, but it's just the dress rehearsal for now." [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Hell to the no, Rami Kashou did not copy Yves Saint Laurent in designing a dress for Heidi Klum! [NY Mag]
  
• Bloomingdales' workers are on the brink of their first-ever strike. That's what you get when you let retail workers unionize, Terry Lundgren! [Crain's]

• "Her new 'grande bourgeoise' style suits her well," says lingerie designer Chantal Thomas of France's new first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. We think this is a compliment. [WWD, 4th item]
• Designer Bruce Oldfield is designing uniforms for McDonald's employees in the UK. But don't worry, they're not too "quirky and eccentric." [Vogue UK]
• Model Hana Soukupova on how she goes green: "I got a Range Rover as I just learned to drive and it's big and safe and great for driving around NYC. I am very eco-conscious and must admit I have been considering a different car for the summer. I'm thinking of swapping it for a Mini Cooper." You know, Hana? There's also walking. I know models at least have to know how to do that. [Chic Report]
• Yves Saint Laurent designer Stefano Pilati loves Jamba Juice. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Coach: Income up, stock down. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Calypso founder Christiane Celle has left the company she started, a mere seven months after cashing out big time to private equity firms. Blah, blah, irreconcilable differences, what else is new; can we still get candy-colored linen and silk little dresses? [WWD, sub req'd]
• Urban Outfitters: Soon to feature in-house collections by Geren Ford, Steven Alan, Charlotte Ronson, and Paul & Joe. Pete Wentz must be so excited. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Aw, vintage Krazy Karl. [Sassybella]

Food.
I hate the smell of cooking. Some people love it, but I don't care for it. I don't eat sweet things. I don't eat greasy things. And I like fish better than meat. In fact, I hate meat. My doctor calls me to eat meat twice a week, as apparently we are cannibals. There used to be a Nobu here in Paris but it was very bad; it was horrible. The one one in London is great. It's my favorite restaurant in London.

Fat people.
Yes, new Russian girls are like this. But this is a subject I won't discuss. You know why? In France there are a large percentage of young girls who are overweight and less than one percent are skinny. So let's talk about the 25 percent who have a weight problem, or are overweight. We don't need to discuss the less than one percent. Anorexia is nothing to do with fashion. These Russian girls are so young. Chinese ones are skinny, too, and bony. I don't think it's a subject to discuss. And in today's world, many people take drugs, not only models, hmm? It's an unnecessary subject. Let's talk about the fat ones.

Children.
Do you ever wish you had a son to pass on your wisdom to, to continue the Chanel heritage?
That's the last thing I want. I hate all children. For other people, it's fine, but not for me. I was born not to be a family person.

Going to other places that involve people.
I live in certain isolation. I never take appointments in the morning. I leave my house only after lunch. I don't want to have a social life. I've had enough of that in my life. It's demode. It's another era. Perhaps people are still excited by that era, but not me. It's uninteresting today. It says nothing. It's boring, pretentious and vulgar...Even for charity, people get paid. I try to avoid charity. It doesn't happen for me. I'm rich enough not to have to do that. Thank God I don't have to do that. I do a lot of unnecessary things for free, but I'm very much against that. Money itself isn't interesting, the use of it is.

Going to other places, period.
Sometimes, to be inspired by things or places, it's better not to go there. You have to imagine. I imagine the world from my window. I am not a traveler. I hate it. I never look at my watch. The good thing about private jets is that you go whenever you're ready. That's the real luxury of today. In all my contracts it says, if you want me, send a private jet.

People who try to touch him.
Also I cannot go on airlines because people stare at me, you have to be touched by people. I hate that...I hate bespoke because I hate to be touched by strangers. It bores me to death.

People who try to analyze him.
Diane von Furstenberg told me she thinks you may not be the best designer aesthetically, but that you're by far the smartest.
And look at her prints, hmm? Maybe I've known her for too many years. Maybe she's right, I don't know. If she were an expert, perhaps her designs may be more impressive...I'm not a frustrated writer or architect, I'm frustrated by nothing at all, and frustration is the mother of all crimes. Ambition? I have no ambition. I just want things in a certain way...I don't want to be a teacher. I don't want to inform others through myself. In that way, it's all for myself. I'm the most selfish person in the world. Being selfish, I take care of others. My mother always used to say, "Don't sacrifice yourself too much, because if you sacrifice too much there's nothing else you can give and nobody will care for you.

The nineties.
I think that Claudia Schiffer is better than ever. There are few very, very, very great girls. But it's not like in the '90s, the days of Linda Evangelista. That's demode now, that's another era. Very tacky, hmmm? On the one hand there was something intellectual going on during that time. On the other, it was just tacky. But you know, decades have a look, a mood, but that was that. We know what the '90s looked like now, but during the '90s we thought it was great perhaps...I put on weight in the early '90s because clothes were so large, then they got tighter, so I slimmed down. Never go one size ahead. Go down but not up.

Technology, the internet, etc.
I'm a computer by myself. I have a memory also for unnecessary things. Telephone numbers are a problem, but historical details are not.

Love.
Love is a subject I don't analyze publicly. Love is only an interesting subject when it's beyond. When it's down to earth it ceases to become interesting. It's a very dangerous subject. I've had so many tragedies in life, it's hard to discuss the subject.

• Anna Wintour on being called a "puppet" by French Vogue editor-in-chief Carine Roitfeld in New York Magazine: "Maybe you should ask Carine. I have no comment." [Frillr]
  
• But you should ask her about it if you happen to be at Oxford University today, where La Wintour will be speaking about her "media career and extensive charity work." If you are there please email us with details from her chat! [Vogue UK]
  
• "Ashley was surprised. The women were really chic. A lot of them had such great style. And we didn't expect there to be so many women like that." That's Rae Miles, commercial director of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's clothing line, The Row, about her and Ashley's visit to Dallas to promote the line. Because clearly no one outside L.A. or New York knows how to dress themselves! [WWD, sub req'd]

• Krazy Karl Kwote OTD: "I live in my own little world, sketching and drawing. I'm told what to do every day. I didn't even know where this [party] was till I came here." [WWD, 2nd item]
• Vivienne Westwood has chosen model Ajuma Nasenyana to front her Spring 2008 ad campaign. Nasenyana is not just a tall beauty, she's also (OMG) not white! [Sassybella]
• And in other brilliant Vivienne Westwood news, she invited a bunch of seven-year-olds to "collaborate" with her on her fall/winter 2008 collection. [Yahoo]
• Jill Scott (yes, the Grammy award-winning singer): Now making bras. [Reuters]
• "I think [John] Galliano is the best designer in the world. After that, there's Anna Molinari," says, um, designer Anna Molinari. [WWD, 1st item]
• Who knew? Agnes B. is one of the foremost funders of cutting edge global warming research. [Yahoo]
• Tomorrow the exhibit marking a collaboration between Chanel and award-winning architect Zaha Hadid opens in Hong Kong before continuing to tour for another two years across the globe. [IHT]
• For their one-year anniversary in London, Abercrombie & Fitch is celebrating with, well, pictures of nakeds. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Daughter of Ralph/candy scion Dylan Lauren writes to her seventh grade self: "Dear Dill Pickle, Am I fat? Would he like me better if I were thinner?" Um, yeah. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Banana Republic cares about the environment! Or, um, a little about the environment. In honor of Earth Week, one percent of in-store sales up to $100,000 will be donated to the Trust for Public Land. Wow: Way to go whole-hog with your philanthropy, folks. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Bobbi Brown: Embracing inner Miley Cyrus with glitter lip glosses. [BellaSugar]
• Robert Lee Morris: Doing a jewelry line inspired by Andy Warhol's drawings. [Sassybella]
• Model Erin Wasson: Doing a jewelry line that seems to be inappropriately overpriced. [Sassybella]

• Marianne Faithfull on that giant Chanel jacket sculpture thingy parked outside their couture show: "phallic." How long before someone brings Hillary Clinton's gender into this, ya think? [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• J.Crew's new, hipper, and less-expensive line, Madewell, has just tapped someone from the land of magazines for the brand new position of Director of Brand Marketing. Gigi Guerra was formally an editor-at-large at Lucky, and a senior editor at Jane before that. So it turns out that writing for women's magazines does train you for something, and that something is selling pretty shit to women. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Madonna's stylist, "B,' on Madonna's next style incarnation: "Madonna's look is going to be more edgy, more fresh — with no more disco." [WWD, 4th item]

• Poor Julianne Moore! Seems she had nothing to discuss with her fellow attendees of the Boucheron 150th anniversary dinner on Monday night, "When I asked if anyone knew who won the Packers-Giants game, you could have heard a pin drop." [WWD, 2nd item]
• L'Oreal has agreed to buy Yves Saint Laurent Beaute for $1.68 billion. [WWD]
• Viktor & Rolf: Now making $109 faux eyelashes for the Shu Uemura brand. [WWD, 1st item]
• People are buying fewer luxury goods. Here's a theory as to why! [FT]
• Taking a page from the Brit handbook — who isn't these days, really! — Jimmy Choo CEO Tamara Mellon is suing her mom. [Reuters]
• Vera Wang's newest fragrance launches in April. It is called Vera Wang Flower Princess. Not to be confused, of course, with her past fragrance, Vera Wang Princess. [BellaSugar]
• We never knew that we had to worry about putting our tongues through detox. [BellaSugar]
• Rebecca Romijn is the new face of Bebe, but frankly we can't stop thinking of her as a tranny ever since she joined the cast of Ugly Betty as a man-turned-babe. [Sassybella]
• Not at the final Valentino couture show yesterday? Watch a video of it here. [Sassybella]

• Isaac Mizrahi just inked a fur licensing deal. WTF, Isaac? Was all your money in collateralized debt obligations tied to the subprime mortgage market? Yeah, didn't think so. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Prince William's girlfriend Kate Middleton has taken a job working for famed fashion photographer Mario Testino, starting in a month. How long before she's on the other side of his camera? [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Once the Paris Hilton footwear line launches next month...uh, we're having trouble finishing this thought. [Sassybella]
  
• Gifts we wish we had received: Krazy Karl designed matching his-and-hers iPods for Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni. [WWD, 6th item]

• Supermodel Helena Christensen on Heath Ledger's death yesterday: "I am just beyond sad at this point, and shocked. I was on my way over to pay him a visit when I found out. I had just left him a message and heard his voice on the machine. He was such a special and genuine person, so extraordinarily talented because he was so raw and honest with his feelings. He was so full of life, so electric...This is immensely sad." [Vogue UK]
• Balenciaga designer Nicolas Ghesquiere will receive a medal of merit from the French government on Tuesday night. French actresses Isabelle Huppert and Charlotte Gainsbourg will be on hand as his cheering section. [WWD, 3rd item]
• More unexpected self-deprecation from Ellen Pompeo! On her anticipated look for the Screen Actors Guild Awards: "Watch me show up in McQueen — with a headdress." On her Grey's Anatomy role: she's "a well-paid slave, tied down to ABC." [WWD, 5th item]
• Olympic snowboarder Shaun White: The latest celeb to "design" for Target. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Awesome English fashion line Preen is now designing a "younger, edgier" line called, um, Preen Line. [Vogue UK]
• As the Jezebel who can't hold her alcohol, I'm glad that I'll at least get to tote a Lacroix-designed Evian bottle around Fashion Week (which starts a week from Friday). [Chic Report]
• We just don't know what to think about the rumored Spice Girls-for-L'Oreal commercials. [BellaSugar]
• Coach: Doing badly here, doing well in Japan. [Reuters]

The Good:

Helena Christensen: one of the few models who actually has personal style.

Christy Turlington & Ed Burns are the heterosexual coupling equivalent of Chanel No. 5. Contemplate.

It's not easy to rock rosettes. Selma Blair does it with aplomb.


The Bad:

In the words of Slut Machine: Stripper? Or New Jersey teenager? Or [gasp] Margerita Missoni?

Did no one tell Barbara Bush to stand up straight? Also, everyone knows Krazy Karl is a Hillary supporter — we suspect he instructed this dress to choke the First Daughter.

Did no one tell Tory Burch that this was a black tie affair?


The Ugly:

Holy shit: Ellen Pompeo looks like the bastard love child of the Crypt Keeper and Daisy Buchanan!

It's very 'our times.' Carla is great: chic, modern, speaks many languages, perfectly educated, beautiful. I see only quality... I loved the Chiracs, but politics are like fashion: It's about change and there has to be a first lady in a place like the Elysée Palace. Why not such a beautiful one?...[Bruni can] reinvent that look — it will be great for the image of France.

I have been a part of a break with a deplorable tradition in our country: hypocrisy and lies... Carla and I have decided not to lie. I don't allow myself to judge [my predecessors] [and their extramarital relationships], everyone must live as they see fit... There is a strong chance that you will learn about [his marriage to Bruni] after it's already done... You've understood: it is serious... It isn't the [newspaper] that will set the date.

Head of the Marilyn modeling agency (which counts Bruni as a client), Robert Ferrell, muses: "She's gorgeous, she has a great sense of style and she has her own mind. Every fashion industry worldwide could use someone like her as their country's first lady." Okay, so let's make sure we're getting this straight: We should be picking our first ladies based on how pretty they are? And how much they can help a respective country's fashion industry? No wonder our world is in such a sorry state. With logic like this — well, we can assume that Huckabee might as well give up his bid for president now. Also, we seriously encourage Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama to put aside their differences and just run as a ticket, because seriously we cannot think of a foxier, more fashionable spousal coupling than Bill Clinton and Michelle Obama. If that's not a Ralph Lauren ad in the making, we don't know what is!

Sarkozy's Sidekick Bruni Ready to Ramp Up Style [WWD, sub req'd]
Sarkozy Calls Relationship 'Serious' [NY Times]

• Jennifer Connelly looks a little scary in the spring Balenciaga ads. Something about floral print armor, an over-exaggerated model slouch, and toothpick legs gives us the uh-oh feeling. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• If you're in New Hampshire and reading this, here's who Karl Lagerfeld thinks you should vote for tonight: "My favorite is Ms. Clinton because you have no real idea what she is wearing. She is so clever and so brilliant that you see only her face — but also what she wears is right, you never really look at it because one is fascinated by her intelligence. But there is never a gimmick or bad detail either." If an endorsement from Krazy Karl isn't the kiss of death, we don't know what is. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Mazel tov to Harper's Bazaar editor-in-chief Glenda Bailey, who was just awarded with an Order of the British Empire. We're sure the Queen's decision was based on Bailey's genius move to feature The Simpsons in her magazine's pages last year. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Britney Spears's new fragrance "Curious Heart" launched yesterday. You didn't hear about it because everyone would rather talk about Britney's bipolar heart. [BellaSugar]

• Tommy Hilfiger is the latest to join the IPO game, beating Prada to be the first fashion public offering of the year. [WWD, sub req'd]
• More shake-ups at Liz Claiborne Co.: Laundry By Design and C&C California get sold to Perry Ellis Inc. while poor ol' Sigrid Olsen just get shut down. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Viktor & Rolf: Now designing doll clothes, just as God intended. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Rocker Bryan Adams is the new photographer for this season's Guess ads. Wait, Bryan Adams is still around? Wait, Guess is still around? [WWD, 2nd item]
• The peeps who own Lacoste just might buy Swedish clothing line Gant. [FT]
• RIP Shu Uemura. The Japanese makeup mogul passed away at the age of 79. His oil-based cleansers, however, will live forever. [Reuters]
• Fashion designer Ben di Lisi: He's just like us! In his "weak moments" he "[b]ecomes overly emotional and send[s] needy texts." Aw! [Independent]

• Tim Gunn is taking some conflict-of-interest heat regarding a recent column he wrote OK! magazine. (Tim writes for OK!? How declasse!) When advising a reader about what jeans are best to fit most bodies, he steered the reader towards Liz Claiborne and Lucky Brand. Funny thing is, Gunn just happens to be the Chief Creative Officer of Liz Claiborne. [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• The ads of David Beckham in his Emporio Armani undies don't hit the UK 'til March, but sales for white men's briefs have already gone up 50% since the announcement was made that Beckham's face (and balls) would be tied to the brand. [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• Marc Jacobs on his camel toe costume: "I love being the unexpected, even if that means not moving for the entire night. You just kind of slide in from the front and hang out here. And the fur is all artificial of course, but there is simply too much of it!" Why are we not surprised that Jacobs would be anti-bush? [Fashion Week Daily]

• "I wear a piece of Jenni every day," says Skeletor/celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe, referring to newly notable designer Jenni Kayne. [Fashion Week Daily]
• When we do spring cleaning, we end up hauling truckloads of old magazines and empty Kombucha bottles to the curb. When Karl Lagerfeld does spring cleaning, the items are curated and then put up for auction. [Vogue UK]
• Reverend Run's daughters have a clothing line. It is called Pastry. It is ugly. [FabSugar]
• Say what you will about Marc Jacobs, but at least he's using models (and good ones!) for the Louis Vuitton spring advertising campaign. Stephanie Seymour, Eva Herzigova, Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, Angela Lindvall and Natalia Vodianova are all set to star in the Richard Prince-inspired ads. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Uh oh: Why is Elle International Creative Director Gilles Bensimon sending out cryptic, vaguely suicidal-sounding e-mail "postcards" to his friends? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Stella McCartney has designed a pleather patent camera bag. It is actually pretty cute. But it's currently on sale for $400 (down from $1,235 originally), which seems like a fuckload of money for a bit of plastic. [GeekSugar]
• Kate Moss is the face of the spring Longchamp campaign. She looks hot. Yawn. [Sassybella]
• Martha Stewart's infamous former stockbroker/walker Peter Bacanovic is moving on past insider trading and into bling: He has just accepted the title of CEO of Fred Leighton jewelers. [WWD, 1st item]
• Krazy Karl: Thinking Russian for next year's Chanel metiers d'art collection. What would Lenin say? [WWD, 3rd item]
• John Galliano: Now doing jewelry. We really hope it's pirate-themed. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Anyone else find it interesting that not-seaweed yogawear line Lululemon's biggest competitors are Victoria's Secret, American Eagle, and Nike? [The Economist]

• The Ethiopian Intellectual Property Office — the same outfit that shook down meek little Starbucks! — is charging British designer Matthew Williamson with the theft of traditional African fabric patterns, to which his rep says: "Historically, Matthew Williamson bases his collections on the idea of a modern girl who is a global traveler. Her style is in part defined by incorporating many different cultures, traditions and customs. Nobody has the right to claim these designs as their own. " [Vogue UK]
  
• To which the Ethiopian Intellectual Property Office replies: "We are very unhappy with the actions of Mr Williamson. These are the dresses of our mothers and grandmothers. They symbolise our identity, faith and national pride. Nobody has the right to claim these designs as their own." [Sassybella]
  
• Okay, can we just add: it's "his" own, guys. Singular.
  
• Speaking of intellectual property! Thanks in advance, Elle.com for the pic of Williamson's stylings!

• More fun with billable hours! Vera Wang has settled out of court with The Vera Company over the whole trademark infringement thing involving Wang, uh, using her own name on her Kohl's line, Simply Vera. Says an unnamed source, "There really is only one Vera- The Vera Company. Vera Wang is Vera Wang. The Vera brand, on the other hand, has been around since the 1940's." And if a brand falls in the forties and no one remembers its name... [Fashion Lawyer]
• "Blass is all about opposites. Like a summer print, but in a wool, with an ease to it." Peter Som re: his attempt to finally resuscitate Bill Blass. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Only the French! There's a whole kerfuffle now over the French Justice Minister having posed in Dior in Paris Match magazine. [Times of London]
• Calvin Klein creative Director Kevin Carrigan: "What I do is work on fitting pieces into the design puzzle. And actually, it is quite a logical, scientific process. You create a design and then you might apply it to a different fabric - say, a patent leather - and the emotion changes....It's a big experiment." Uhhhhh, we're gonna have to go with "high." [Vogue UK]
• Times of London Fashion Editor Lisa Armstrong has collaborated with Louis Vuitton to create the "ultimate travel bag." Oh, the Brits, so forward-thinking when it comes to the role of the press. The Pulitzer committee would probs never let Robin Givhan do this. [Fashion Week Daily]
• There was a party Tuesday night sponsored by Donna Karan's Urban Zen initiative. Donna Karan wasn't there, but off vacationing in Parrot Cay. Which is exactly what we would be doing if we had found a male model to shtup us. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Yay! We love video footage of Krazy Karl! [Sassybella]
• File this under 'You know a president is already a lame duck when': First Lady Laura Bush will be attending New York Fashion Week come February. [WWD, 1st item]
• Don't hate on Marc Jacobs, people! He donated toys for the kiddies for Christmas! [WWD, 2nd item]
• Marit Allen, costume designer of Mrs. Doubtfire and Brokeback Mountain, died last month in Australia. [NYT]
• "Someone was mean to me once, so I deserve to be here," said unfortunately-Botoxed Lisa Kudrow at a Dress for Success event yesterday. [WWD, 3rd item]

• David Beckham has a new endorsement deal: Armani underwear in the United States! And you were afraid he and Posh might go broke... [Vogue UK]
  
• Erin Fetherston for Target: Sorta secretly sorta available for purchase online. [Fashionista]
  
• Karl Lagerfeld: "I am a popular figure for Halloween. Last year friends of mine counted 19 copies [of me] they saw at their parties alone... Few [designers] have a very special way of dressing. They are 'classic' or jeans and T-shirt, so what can I take from them? [But] Ralph Lauren like a cowboy could be fun..." [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Were you dying to hear more news about Agent Provocateur? Says Maggie Gyllenhaal of posing for the secretive, unassuming lingerie brand: "It was a great experience. But my brother once called me from Heathrow [Airport] to tell me he had passed a giant picture of me in my underwear. I guess I forgot that would happen."[WWD, 3rd item]

• And! The lingerie line has changed its signature font, because the old one got "imitated to death," and so naturally this occasion calls for a $100 limited-edition coffee table book on the creation of the new font. [FabSugar]
• Capezio footwear is now the official sponsor of the Radio City Rockettes! It's better than the Spice Girls and Victoria's Secret. [WWD, 3rd item]
• Former model/former Mrs. Rod Stewart Rachel Hunter was attacked weirdly, though not injured, in a Melbourne, Australia hotel lobby. [News.com.au]
• New York Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn has a mouse problem in her country house. Thanks for sharing! [NY Times]

Lagerfeld Confidential is not exceptional filmmaking by any means — it plays like an extended Barbara Walters special — though perhaps the film's director, Rodolphe Marconi, exhausted himself trying to edit the 350 hours of tape he'd culled from his two years with the designer. But the finished product is something anyone with even the slightest interest in fashion should probably see. Don't take my word for it? The real critics weigh in with details after the jump.

New York Times:

The movie offers no résumé or analysis of his work. It is simply an extended interview, without talking-head commentary..."I don't want to be real in other people's minds," [Lagerfeld] declares. "I want to be an apparition" ...He says he was aware of [his homosexuality] by the age of 13, when he told his parents, for whom it was not a problem. When an older man and woman made passes at him, he recalls, his mother, instead of flying into a rage about child molestation, scolded her son and said such incidents wouldn't happen if he didn't behave so provocatively..

"I don't have roots," Karl declares. (Or so the subtitles translate it.) "That's all bullshit. I just want to stand on my own two feet."..."I love change; I'm attached to nothing"; "I'm not really interested in the reality of people"; "For people like me, solitude is a victory" — [these statements] seem less the whimsical bons mots of La Mode than grim Nietzschean aphorisms... Mr. Lagerfeld is grim and guarded, hiding behind the quintessential fashion crutch: sunglasses indoors.

[R]emember the words to live by: "Pissing everywhere isn't very Chanel!" Rodolphe Marconi [says] "...If you saw him on a Sunday, completely alone, he'd be entirely dressed. But even though he's very wrapped up in his persona, in the fashion industry, and in commerce, he's not, how do you say, a 'starfucker.'"

We learn what he purchased on a visit to the Dior Homme boutique on 57th Street (a shiny gold jacket), the age at which he was first sexually active (13), and his views on prostitution (pro) and gay marriage (con: too bourgeois). Confidential may not be the place to learn of Lagerfeld's contribution to the art of fashion, but there's abundant evidence presented on his contribution to the art of the epigram:... "People with turbulent lives who spend their time on the phone are sexual freelancers."

Though Lagerfeld speaks of his childhood as though it were perfectly normal, psychoanalysts might beg to differ: He calls his mother a "nasty" and "frivolous" woman who "made slaves of her lovers and husbands" and "never thanked anyone," but he also claims to have adored her and thought "other mothers were stupid." We wonder if other mothers would have reacted as Karl's allegedly did when he informed Ma Lagerfeld that he'd been sexually compromised by a pair of adults: "It's your own fault, just look at you!" Blaming the victim is totally Chanel.

• Model Coco Rocha on performing an Irish dance for kids in Harlem on Friday: "It wasn't a huge crowd, but these are kids who are interested in dance... I just don't want people to think I'm fake." Um, yeah, because your completely retarded scheme to teach city kids how to look stupid and white while dancing seemed so cannily slick and manufactured. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Krazy Karl Lagerfeld quote of the day! Regarding his Fendi collection just shown on the Great Wall of China: "I didn't want to make it a Madame Chiang Kai-shek collection so I did just one dress in a very sophisticated way to say hello to her." Um, so presumably he knows that this is sort of like if he had held the show at the Masada and said, "Hey, that jacket — that was my little shout-out to Ahmadinejad. I didn't want to do the whole show on the guy, just that little thing." [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• American Apparel does Halloween costumes. Because gold lame leggings and tie-dye unitards are everyday clothes for some people. [American Apparel]

• The Chanel bike we showed you yesterday? It has a crossbar! Which confirms what we've long suspected: Krazy Karl hates women. [Sassybella]
• L.A. Fashion week: Yeah, no one went. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Hermes is celebrating the re-opening of its Paris flagship with a party that will go on for 24 hours straight, because retail is sort of like the religion of modern society. [Vogue UK]
• The new-and-possibly-improved house of Halston is already gearing up for its debut at New York Fashion Week this February. Halston CEO Bonnie Takhar: "It's important that we focus on the past, but very important we bring it into the modern day." Worry not, Bonnie - you have Rachel Zoe as a creative adviser! You're practically guaranteed to be getting the same rehashed looks over and over again and be told that they're cutting edge! [Vogue UK]
• We take this opportunity to congratulate our fellow Tufts alum Coach President/Creative Director Reed Krakoff on Coach's 23% raise in income this past fiscal quarter. Go Jumbos! (Um, or jumbo bags or whatever.) [WSJ]
• Marc Jacobs is opening his fifth retail store within a 3-block radius in New York. [The Fashion Informer]

The few people I know who knew me as a child say I was like a male Shirley Temple - rather unbearable and spoiled.

I love the smell of building sites.

I can't plan six months in advance; we might be dead by then.

[Fashion industry jobs] aren't jobs that fit any criterion of social justice. It's like cinema. Lots of boys and girls want to do it, but very few make it. Sadly, Nicole Kidmans are thin on the ground. To do this job you must be able to accept injustice - the same goes for fashion. There are other careers. You can work for Social Security, get promoted and work behind a counter. It's a safe bet. If you want social justice, be a civil servant. Fashion is ephemeral, dangerous and unfair.