• Authorities have beef with Shia: A warrant has been issued for the arrest of Mr. LaBeouf — he got a ticket in February for unlawful smoking and never showed up in court. Whoops! [TMZ]
  
• Those Kristin Davis photos? Real! Snapped in 1992 by an ex-boyfriend. [TMZ]
  
• Ethan Hawke: Not over Uma? He recently sang a song at the 24-Hour Plays event with lyrics like "My wife hates me," and "My wife is a big fat beast." WTF. [New York Magazine]
  
• Oh, no. A feud has broken out in Heath Ledger's family regarding his estate. Heath's uncles are not happy that Heath's father, Kim, is in charge of the money — since when Heath's grandfather died 15 years ago, Kim was removed as executor of the estate after mishandling and mismanaging the assets. Messy, and sad. [People]
  
• Does Amy Winehouse really have impetigo? It could also be MRSA! A doc who doesn't treat Amy says she "should not be coming into close contact with other people while she has open sores," blerg. [TMZ]

• Um, Bryan Adams wrote a song about Amy Winehouse. The lyrics to "Flower Grown Wild" go thusly: "Amid the stars and the bars, the pimps and pills... The picture faded and the day was done, went home to nothin' but a loaded gun... She may look like a lady, but she's a flower grown wild... Nobody saw the tears in your silk and lace, the scarred little kid behind your face." [Mirror]
• As previously reported, Halle Berry has named her daughter Nahla Ariela Aubry. Nahla means "honeybee" in Arabic, sez a professor (yesterday we heard it meant "drink of water"). Possible schoolyard taunts: Nuh-uh, nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-I-can't-hear-you. [People]
• Tina Fey insinuates that Jon Stewart prompts applause with a sign. "My friend Seth Meyers coined the term 'clapter,' which is when you do a political joke and people go, 'Woo-hoo.' It means they sort of approve but didn't really like it that much. You hear a lot of that on [whispers] The Daily Show.'" [Page Six]
• Sopranos star and singer Dominic Chianese wants to do a duet with Madonna? Bada bing. [Page Six]
• Even though Heather Mills got a hefty divorce settlement, she's looking to sell her story — and some photos and tape recordings — for $2 million. Any takers? [Page Six]
• Director Anthony Minghella, who died yesterday, praised Jill Scoott in the new issue of Vogue. Minghella directed Scott in upcoming flick The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency and said: "She is extremely stellar. I think she can be a real star." [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan refused to walk the red carpet of an event until organizers took down a backdrop with Paris Hilton's name on it. Plus: The star "pitched a hissy fit" on the set of a Visa commercial because someone served her a burrito. "She doesn't eat on shoots," he rep says. Eyeroll. [Rush & Molloy]
• Also acting like a diva: Kim Kardashian, who wouldn't pose for photos at a NYC club until she received $5,000. Effing hell. [Rush & Molloy]
• Beyoncé didn't greet fans on the set of Cadillac Records, the Etta James movie, because it was raining and she had to preserve her hairdo. Priorities! [Rush & Molloy]
• "I'm a big Obama supporter." — Ryan Phillippe. [Rush & Molloy]
• Topless pictures of Audrina from The Hills! "I took these photos years ago when I was just out of high school and beginning to model. I was young and very trusting of others and I didn't know to protect myself," she says. So she dressed up like a naughty schoolgirl... from the waist down. [TMZ]
• Kirstie Alley has signed a deal with Oprah's production company to develop TV projects. Cheers! [People]
• In court Tuesday, Howard K. Stern denied giving Daniel Smith, Anna Nicole's son, drugs. He also claimed to be shocked drugs were found in Daniel's system: "He wasn't that kind of kid." [E!]
• Minnie Driver wants to have a water birth at home in Malibu. [Mirror]
• Lily Allen has moved in with a new man! The guy is a producer named Robertson Furze and Lily seems to be happy so good for them. [The Sun]
• Jamie Spears' plan to save Britney's life is obviously about getting her finances in order. "If Britney never goes back to work, there is no reason she and her kids shouldn't be able to live a very comfortable life with the kind of money she has in the bank," says a source. But! She doesn't have as much as people think! "Those figures of $100 million or more were so off the mark," an insider says. It's more like $40 mil, sigh. [MSNBC]
• Simon Cowell paid off the mortgage for the family of a little girl with cancer. "I'm her guardian angel," Simon said. It's easy to snark on the stoopid stuff but when good things happen, what are you supposed to say? [Mirror]
• William Baldwin's wife, Chynna Phillips, puts her underwear on his head when they have sex so she knows where they are when they're done. Romantic! And practical. [The Sun]

The Accused: Rian at The Skinny, who must be feeling some post-holiday self-loathing. The Crime: Implying that Laetitia Casta is not thin.
The Evidence: "Some former supermodels stay extremely thin (like Janice Dickinson, for example) and some just kind of let it all go... I think Laetitia kind of stays somewhere in the middle." There is some serious body dysmorphia going on here. Keeping in mind that the camera adds ten pounds, Laetitia Casta appears to be a size two. Since when is that "somewhere in the middle"??? The Sentence: Rian clearly needs some affirmations to recite. And maybe a therapy sesh. Many docs have sliding scale fees, sweetie!

The Accused: The Superficial. The Crime: Calling Pink a man. The Evidence: "Pink and Carey Hart will continue boning random strangers but now without their wedding rings on. While some might say Pink will technically be boned and not do said boning, I stand by my statement. Feel free to do the math and check your work with the Answer Key at the bottom. Answer Key: X = Pink has a penis." Eyeroll. Such a cheap shot, such a 5th grade joke. The Sentence: A swift kick in the nuts. (From Pink.)

The Accused: Drunken Stepfather, whom we know loves us. The Crime: Calling 21-year-old recovering addict Ms. Lindsay Lohan a whore. The Evidence: "I know having a sheet between you and lohan[sic] seems pretty shitty in pictures because it's blocking out her pussy, but if this was real life that sheet is a necessity but preferably in latex because skin to skin contact with this whore has some serious repercussions." Please, dude. Like you wouldn't reach out and touch LL, or any living breathing woman — if you could only get close enough to one. The Sentence: A painful case of the clap, just for fun. Kisses!

The Accused: The unfortunately monikered Yeeeah! The Crime: Mocking Kirstie Alley's weight struggles. The Evidence: "After working for Jenny Craig for the last three years, actress Kirstie Alley is "stepping down" as the spokesperson for the weight loss company. Translation: her fat ass got fired... She's also grateful for KFC's big box variety meal and Sam's Club bucket o' bread pudding. And those Fresh Bath-Bathing Wipes for those days you're too fat to bend over in the shower." Newsflash: Crass≠Funny. The Sentence: Carry around an extra 75 lbs. of bodyweight for 30 days while simultaneously going without hot water for 30 days. Enjoy!

The Accused: Hollywood Tuna. The Crime: Suggesting petite actress Natalie Portman needs breast implants. The Evidence: "Natalie, on the other hand, still has some work to do. Surgical work that is. Yes, she's flat and I know it's not politically correct to talk to about a girl's shortcomings, but if she's not going to make an effort to show off what she does have - that being her ass - then just stay home!" So! Women have two choices: Get elective, dangerous, possibly life threatening surgery or stay home. What a wonderful world. The Sentence: An excruciating dental procedure sans anesthetic, while being forced to watch Natalie's shitty movie Where The Heart Is. Open wide!

• Dina Lohan says Lindsay's nude pix were "very tastefully done." She adds: "I respect the photographer as an artist, so I look at them artistically. For him to call Lindsay 46 years later and to say can you recreate these photos is an honor... I don't look at them like it's Playboy; she was being a character. I wouldn't have sent my 14-year-old to the set [if the shoot was in bad taste]. And obviously Lindsay wouldn't do anything with her sister there, that was risqué." [People]
  
• Jennifer Lopez has checked into the maternity ward at North Shore University Hospital. Repeat: Jennifer Lopez is in the building. Twins to come! [Page Six]
  
• Matthew McConaughey's unborn baby: It's a boy! A future surfer dude, fer sure. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Has Jennifer Aniston found love on the set of her new film? A source says she and costar Aaron Eckhart are superclose. [MSNBC]
  
• Britney Spears has a new lawyer, who went to court yesterday to see about visitation: No changes were made and Britney still cannot see her children. Sources say K-Fed wants Britney to have some visitation rights; plus Brit's Dad Jaime was hoping to create a stable environment — but the court said no. For now. [TMZ]

• FedEx's lawyer agrees that Jamie Spears being around is a positive step. [People]
• Meanwhile, Britney is back to her old no-underwear ways. [ONTD]
• Get a whiff of this: Britney's perfume made £13 million in the celeb section of the market in the UK. The sweet smell of success! [Mirror]
• Uh, is Britney pregnant?!?!? [Mirror]
• As reported yesterday, Pink and Carey Hart are getting divorced. Pink's rep says, "While the marriage is over, their friendship has never been stronger." Sources say they had an agreement about "extramarital sports" but she changed her mind when she began to think about kids. Truth? Or cover up for lesbian leanings? [Rush & Molloy]
• Oh, this report says Pink and Carey's careers are to blame. [TMZ]
• Did Nicolas Cage wrongly write of $3.3 million in personal expenses? He's filed a tax court lawsuit disputing $814,000 in taxes and penalties. Watch out, Nic: The IRS is scary. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which DUI-ed director/actor - goes this ridiculous but too-good-not-to-share story doing the rounds in Hollywood - wears a fake nose to avoid being recognized in public? It is said he lends it to his closeted actor buddy, who wears it when trawling for men." [Gatecrasher]
• Hayden Christensen on his stint as Anakin/Darth Vader: "It's not why you become an actor, to do stuff like that." [Rush & Molloy]
• Bobby Brown was in court yesterday regarding a cocaine possession charge from last year. The decision could take a few days, but apparently Bobby asked troopers who came to his hotel room and found drugs to "use discretion" and not charge him. Haha, what? [TMZ]
• Orlando Bloom and Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr: It's on. [TMZ]
• She's no longer with Jenny Craig, so Kirstie Alley is developing her own weight-loss brand. Coming in 2009! [People]
• Owen Wilson will go back to work: He's starring in Marley & Me, a comedy (based on the book) about a writer and his dog. Filming begins in Miami in March, sweet. [People]
• Nicole Kidman wants to make more kid-friendly films, yawn. [People]
• Scary Movie actress Anna Faris: Divorced. [People]
• Scarlett Johansson doesn't have a new tattoo, it's some kind of wacky temporary bullcrap. [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse didn't show up for an award show rehearsal on Monday because she was distraught over learning hubby Blake was trading her picture for heroin. Sing it out, Amy! [The Sun]
• One of her cute-ass backup singers says Amy Winehouse is "full of energy, full of life." Also, she's been wearing a drawn teardrop on her face "because her baby's incarcerated." She'll wear it until he gets out. [People]
• Meanwhile, Kelly Osbourne has offered "wonderful support" to Amy in her battle with drugs, sez Amy's dad. [Mirror]
• Pete Doherty won't model unless you pay him £30,000. LOL. [The Sun]
• Was Elizabeth Hurley paying her Indian maid "slave wages"??? Violet D'Souza claims she was getting as little as £1.20 an hour and working 60 to 70 hours a week. Violet was set to make a case against Liz and her hubby, but they offered her a five-figure settlement. Liz is worth about £13 million and hubs Arun Nayar comes from a wealthy Indian family. [Mirror]
• A photographer who was injured when he was knocked down outside a jewelry store after trying to snap pix of 50 Cent has been awarded a settlement. Maybe Fiddy threw him some bling? [Page Six]
• 50 Cent's son and Eminem's daughter. Hugging. OMG. [The.Life Files]

• Did Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, overdose on heroin in jail? He was reportedly found passed out in his cell and rushed to the prison hospital. [TMZ]
  
• Amy went out in London and "left a pair of boob enhancers, like chicken cutlet things to push up your boobs, and some hair extensions in the toilet." Whoops! And hey, what was she doing in there, anyway, that she needed to ditch her cutlets and hair? [Page Six]
  
• This report claims that Blake traded signed pictures of Amy for drugs. [The Sun]
  
• Post-overdose Blake has been banned from all contact with the outside world. That means no visitors. Amy is going to freak the fuck out. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Diva alert! There's an empty private room with a luxurious brown leather couch in North Shore University Hospital on Long Island, patiently awaiting for Jennifer Lopez to give birth. "No one's even allowed in there until she gets here. It's just sitting there for her," says a source. [Page Six]
  
• After she gives birth, People magazine will probably pay J. Lo and Marc Anthony between $4 million and $6 million for photos of the twins. [Ad Age]

• David and Victoria Beckham renewed their vows — and got matching tattoos of the event's date — nearly two years ago, but kept it a secret until now. [UPI]
• Rihanna caught her father smoking crack when she was nine years old. He's since kicked drugs and joins the singer when she's on tour. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which recently divorced fashion editor is rumored to be spending more time in Los Angeles these days? Word is she's taken up with the recently jailed Kiefer Sutherland." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which movie star recently suffered a miscarriage? The heartbroken actress is now talking about adopting." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which celebrity sibling who can't stay out of trouble has a girlfriend-of-record, but also a much-talked about romantic incident involving a same-sex pal in the Hamptons last summer?" [Gatecrasher]
• Naomi Watts teared up at a tribute to Heath Ledger is Sydney, Australia. [News.com.au]
• As reported, 47-year-old Tilda Swinton has a 29-year old boyfriend named Sandro and a 67-year-old partner and baby-daddy named John. But did she steal Sandro from his 26-year-old girlfriend? [Daily Mail]
• Heather Mills' manicurist spills: "I'd sum her up by saying she can be charming but, on the other hand, nuts." [Daily Mail]
• Heather will destroy all the evidence she has accumulated about Paul McCartney's wealth; and all video and audio evidence on their four-year marriage. [Daily Mail]
• Jared Leto attacked a fan with his microphone while crowdsurfing at a show in the UK. [Perez Hilton]
• Kirstie Alley and Jenny Craig: Dunzo. [UPI]
• Britney Spears went out on the town with her father over the weekend. Better than Sam Lutfi! [TMZ]
• The lawyer who claims to represent Britney in an effort to try to move her conservatorship case from L.A. court to federal court may not have a snowball's chance in hell. [USA Today]
• Still, he says, "I see the case as a civil rights case. These are issues of confinement. Very serious confinement. Not allowed to contact her friends. Not allowed to use the phone. Not allowed to come and go as you please. Bodyguards controlling you and so forth." [People]
• Heidi Klum says she'll take Britney in. "She can call me and come live in our house with us for a couple of months. I would help set her straight." [People]
• Madonna's new songs: Uptempo, urban, dancey, clubby; produced by Nate "Danja" Hills (who did Britney's Blackout), Timbaland and Pharrell. [Rolling Stone]
• There's a feud between Evi Quaid, wife of actor Randy, and the Actors Equity Union. Randy is banned from the union; Evi allegedly became apoplectic and kicked a 76-year-old receptionist in the shin. Drama! [Page Six]
• "Two girls I kissed turned out to be gay. I kissed Jodie Foster. She played my girl on 'The Partridge Family,' and look what happened" — Danny Bonaduce [Page Six]
• George (Tailor Made) Weisgerber from I Love New York was slapped with a disorderly conduct summons for flipping the finger to a cop in NYC. Hey, whatever it takes to stay relevant. [Gatecrasher]
• Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Sharon Stone and Gwen Stefani: Into Mexican Train Dominoes. Yeah, who knows. [Gatecrasher]
• Us Weekly says the writer who identified herself as a reporter for the magazine and pissed off Scarlett Johansson outside of the Today show was not assigned by them and not representing the mag. Whoops! [Gatecrasher]
• Bill O'Reilly forces some underling to wipe the sweat off the exercise equipment when he's done. The "poor kid" just follows him around the gym. No spin zone, indeed. [Rush & Molloy]