• Chace Crawford has moved out of the NYC apartment he shared with Ed Westwick and into a penthouse way downtown.

Is Chace upgrading with his Footloose money? Well, this report claims that Ed is a slob, and Chace couldn't take the mess any more. Related: Anyone want to move in with Chuck Bass? [Us Magazine]

• Bradley Cooper gave Jennifer Aniston the "let's just be friends" speech, and she is "devastated." Allegedly. Consider the source on this, and the media's obsession with painting Jen as desperate and lonely. [MSNBC via National Enquirer]
• Emmy Rossum was Tweeting about her outfit for Jessica Simpson's birthday party at noon the day of the event, not knowing it was canceled due to Jess and Tony's breakup. [Gatecrasher]
• Here's a love autopsy, titled "Jessica and Tony's Relationship: What Went Wrong?" [People]
• Hermione gone wild! Emma Watson is really changing things up: She's set to star in a "Goth-inspired" remake of Cinderella, being masterminded by Marilyn Manson. [The Sun]
• Hayden Panettiere doesn't know how to let a guy down easy: "I'm not good at learning that sometimes you don't like someone in that way - and figuring out how to deal with that. I don't want to hurt his feelings." Just say: "It's not you, its me." [The Sun]
• UK tabloid rag Heat magazine conducted a poll for "most enviable body," and, surprise, surprise: Megan Fox won. [Mirror]
• A federal judge says Survivor winner Richard Hatch can't attend the 10th anniversary edition of the reality show in Samoa, since he's under home confinement. [NY Daily News]
• Has Debbie Rowe dropped her custody fight in exchange for $4 million? [NY Post]
• Uh-oh: Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa has returned from vacation and found that the councilwoman acting as mayor in his absence was urging people to donate money for Michael Jackson's memorial. Villaraigosa says: "This is a world-class city, and we provide fire and police protection, period. The idea that we would charge the family for a funeral is nonsensical." He called the donation website "ridiculous" and shut it down. [E!, AP]
• The coroner should have results from toxicology tests and should know Michael Jackson's cause of death by next week. [NY Daily News]
• Michael Jackson's estate is being handled by two men: attorney John Branca and recording executive John McClain. But an attorney for the Jackson family says that Katherine Jackson should be treated like a third trustee. [AP]
• "One of Michael Jackson's former housekeepers told law enforcement the singer was often in such bad shape from drugs his eyes would roll back in his head." [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson had planned to channel Fred Astaire on his This Is It tour. [Gatecrasher]
• Renée Zellweger's car and driver ditched her in the Hamptons over the weekend. [Page Six]
• Dylan McDermott has a new show about undercover cops, Dark Blue, He says: "My uncle was a cop and I used to ride around with him when I was a kid. There's something so powerful about it." If he were to go undercover and target a group, he's go for "Either the Mafia or the Aryan Brotherhood. I hope I'm as brave as [my character]. I don't think I'm in the same situations, living in Brentwood. It's the housewives that will eventually take you down. They're more dangerous than any gang." [USA Today]
• Kim Cattrall and her younger boyfriend: Dunzo. [Perez]
• Denzel Washington has withdrawn from the film Unstoppable after budget and start date issues. He would have been playing a veteran engineer who tries to help a young conductor (Chris Pine) stop a runaway train. [Variety]
• Is Akon dodging legal papers in a paternity case? [E!]
• A man named Anthony Spinner claims he created the TV show Lost — 32 years ago. [TMZ]
• Overachiever! Aidan Gillen played a Baltimore mayor on The Wire, and he's actually a former Dublin altar boy. [Guardian]
• Speaking of The Wire, there was fatal gunfire at a Brooklyn bash hosted by actor Jamie Hector — who played drug dealer Marlo Stanfield on the show. Hector says: "I would like to make it clear that the shooting incident [Sunday] did not take place at my home, nor did it involve me, my wife, nor any of the invited guests. [NY Daily News]
• Check it out: Tony Curtis filled out the Proust Questionnaire. He says his greatest fear is "People might not remember me." And his motto is "Fuck 'em and feed 'em fish." [Vanity Fair]
• Trudie Styler has a fitness DVD set to Sting's mandolin music; she has transformed her physique by training for four hours a day. Nice work if you can get it. [Mirror
• Larry King's wife is up for a role in Bono's Broadway version of Spider-man. [Page Six]
• Whatshisname is accusing Whatshername of spilling private details. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which openly gay TV star likes to show off his stuff at the gym by walking around sans towel - and referring to himself as 'porn-worthy?'" [Gatecrasher]
• "You know, I'm not really doing the dating thing, I don't feel like I'm in the world of dating. I don't feel like a young twentysomething. I'm happy working but it's not a case of 'I don't have time for a girlfriend'. I do. It's just like everyone else who's single I suppose." — Daniel Radcliffe is looking for love. [Telegraph]
• "After Mad Men I got a lot of 'How dare you speak to Don Draper like that?' People — mainly women — were mad at me that I told Don off." — Patrick Fischler, who played insult comic Jimmy Barrett on Mad Men. [LA Times]
• Directors don't get better, they get worse! When you gotta go out and make a movie to pay for the kids' private school and for the three ex-wives, don't talk to me about your artistry. It's their job. I don't want to have to watch the movie I made to pay for my pool." — Quentin Tarantino plans to stop making movies when he turns 60. [Gatecrasher]
• "[In a relationship], you're probably going to drop the F-bomb once in a while. You're probably going to say some things that are kind of harsh. And you're definitely going to talk about sex. It doesn't have to be so Snow White and Prince Charming. That's my problem with a lot of romantic comedies." — Katherine Heigl. [People]

10:17am: I am stuck in traffic behind a broken down bus! This cabbie is an asshole. I might have to get out and run. [Ed note: The movie is supposed to start at 10:15]

10:37: Two cabs and one subway trip later. I'm finally here! It took me an hour to travel maybe three miles. I already hate this movie.

10:40: These are the shoes I chose to wear. Thank friggin god I didn't wear heels as a joke.

10:41: Big just proposed to Carrie. Kinda.
10:45: This theater is packed and everyone is laughing at the stupid jokes. Although Samantha told Carrie she should get Botox.

10:48: Carrie still has that stupid pink crystal-y phone. Except it's taped together which is a nice touch. She just asked Samantha to be her maid of honor.

10:49: All Charlotte does is scream.

10:50: LOL! Carrie's boss talked her into doing the bride at 40 piece by saying "Vogue airbrushing".

10:52: The wedding photo shoot scene. The Dior dress looks like frothy diarrhea. Vivienne Westwood personally sent Carrie a dress for free.

10:55: Haha. Carrie is becoming far-sighted but won't get glasses. Also Chris Noth: Fake tan much?
10:56: Carrie does research for her new book (about love) at the library.

10:59: Carrie won't tell her friends how often she and Big fuck!

11:02: Also, she calls him "John" now.

11:03: OMG, Big built Carrie a closet just like Mariah Carey's. It looks like a store.

11:04: Charlotte just screamed again. And again.

11:05: I'm cringing. They are trying on outfits to "Walk This Way".

11:07: The Miranda/Steve storyline is actually really good. He just admitted to cheating on her and the old lady in the wheelchair behind me just yelled "Hit him! Hit him!" I'm gonna try to get a picture of her.

11:14: Miranda is like a total bitch.

11:24: Big just jilted her! Because she wouldn't answer the phone in the morning. Seriously, all these people are such babies! who wants to put up with this bullshit? Now Charlotte is screaming at Big. Kristin Davis' throat must've been so sore.

11:28: "Okay so he didn't really jilt her. He freaked for a second, then turned around and went back but Carrie was already embarrassed and then she hit him. The whole thing could've been avoided. Kind of like this movie!

11:31: The reason why the honeymoon was in Mexico is because Carrie paid for it as a surprise.

11:32: Carrie is now in a deep depression in Mexico She's been sleeping and not eating. Speaking of, I'm gonna step out to the concession stand for some breakfast.

11:34: Hahahaha! They actually showed Miranda's thick bush.

11:43: Breakfast!

11:44: Somehow Carrie got her apartment back. I missed that when I was buying my breakfast.

11:47: I guess I also missed the part about how Carrie can afford Jennifer Hudson.

11:50: It really pisses me off that Carrie isn't computer literate. Her assistant does her email for her while she flips through magazines on her couch.

11:55: Carrie died her hair dark brown and changed her phone number and is complaining about having a different area code. [The Lifestyles Of The Rich And First World! -Ed.]

11:57: Samantha adopted a dog because its a girl who loves to hump and she felt a connection.

11:58: Jennifer Hudson deserves a Razzie for this. She sucks.

12:00 Oh! I forgot to mention that Charlotte shit her pants in Mexico. Literally.

12:02: Carrie bought her assistant a Louis Vuitton bag for Christmas. Carrie is a retard.

12:08: Okay, finally a Carrie outfit I like. Pajamas, boots, fur coat, stupid hat. That's what I call "walking the dog" attire.

12:10: This sad people on New Year's Eve montage is way too long.

12:16: Carrie finally realized that she is a self-obsessed narcissist! And that she uses "I" too much.

12:29: One therapy session and Miranda and Steve are back together. Also, Miranda is the only one to show her tits.

12:32: Samantha has gained like 5 lbs and everyone noticed. What bitches.

12:33: Samantha and Smith just had the most civilized breakup after 5 years.

12:35: I just checked carriebradshaw.com and she wrote a book called MENhattan? Barf.
12:37: Also, Charlotte's little girls are named Lily and Rose. Barf x2.
12:41: Interesting. Carrie always wears a bra to bed, but in this frantic city scene she is running through the streets without one.
12:46: People are actually crying in this theater because Big proposed a second time with a Manolo!

12:51: Last line: "And there they were, four friends who had met as girls and were now women ready to enter the next phase of their lives, dressed head to toe in love. And that's one label that never goes out of style." LOL.

This is the violent wheelchair lady.

This is the next showing lining up. So many mothers and daughters.

Yeah, I'm sure they share their sexual liberation together.

12:59: As I was walking out of the theater a middle aged woman working there asked me if the movie was any good and I made the "so-so" sign with my hand and then she goes, "Yeah, I figured. I never liked that show. I'm a Will & Grace fan myself."

The Good
Kristin Davis shone like a fancy piece of Hanukkah gelt.
Anna Wintour looks like my mom, which is awesome for my mom but...well, I guess it's awesome for Anna too.
Lorraine Bracco, aka the former Dr. Melfi, has a PhD in cute shoes.
The only thing missing from Cynthia Nixon's ensemble is her cute, ginger girlfriend.
I think Lydia Hearst looks great in what is probably Heatherette, although she didn't need the hippie necklace.
Oh Idina! You look lovely. Mazel Tov.
Perry Farrell looks like a God, as usual, and his lady-friend looks like a window display at Agent Provocateur. (Yes, that's good. We want more of that).
Amy Sedaris is a genius, and her outfit has a perfectly spring-appropriate color palette.
Check and mate! You done good SJP.

The Bad
Eli Manning? Don't mind if I do! But who's the lady in the confusing-print dress?
Kim Catrall's dress looks like it's doused in dollar bills.
I love that Lil Kim was there, but I don't love that she's wearing what looks like second-hand H&M.
I don't care for this dress on Michelle Williams. It's too, "Call Tina Knowles and get me something from the House of Dereon to wear to the Sex In The City premiere!"

The Ugly
Even Miss Piggy was there! (Joke, it's Nicole Forrester, who probably doesn't even know who Miss Piggy is).
Tranny? It's Tranny. It's Solid Gold Ferocia Tranny. It's Studio 54 via Project Runway Tranny. Tranny. (Sorry, that joke will never get old for me. Thanks, Amy Poehler).

[Images via Getty]