• Madonna is in Brazil, but not to meet Jesus' parents. She says:

"I am going there strictly for fund raising and humanitarian purposes." Her Madgesty is sponsoring a documentary about kids living in the squalid hillside slums. [Page Six]

• Guess who was seeing Heath Ledger when he died? Lindsay Lohan. Her mom, Dina, tells Michael Lohan about it in this — you guessed it — recorded phone conversation. In the audio, Dina says Lindsay "cannot be alone" and sleeps with Dina when she is home because she has fears of being alone. [Radar Online]
• In a newly released 2008 taped phone call between Lindsay Lohan's assistant, Jenni Muro, and Michael Lohan, the former says: "I am trying to save your daughter's life every day." Muro was also pissed she had to relocate to NYC so LL could be on Ugly Betty, saying: "I get a 5% commission on this entire TV show and it's sick and disgusting and I'm here and I give up my boyfriend and my dog and my parents and my new place in LA and everything so that your daughter doesn't kill herself, ok?" [ONTD via Radar]
• A recent Tweet from Lindsay Lohan: "i'm a regular person to.. i sleep, eat, laugh, cry, shower, have blood running through my veins, i have a heart, etc etc- lol" [Twitter]
• People: I have seen a clip of Lady Gaga's new video, "Bad Romance," and there is latex and implied violence and dancing! The full video debuts Monday, and Ms. Gaga says: "There's this one shot in the video where I get kidnapped by supermodels. I'm washing away my sins and they shove vodka down my throat to drug me up before they sell me off to the Russian mafia." In addition, Gaga wears razor-blade sunglasses: "I wanted to design a pair for some of the toughest chicks and some of my girlfriends - don't do this at home! - they used to keep razor blades in the side of their mouths. That tough female spirit is something that I want to project. It's meant to be, 'This is my shield, this is my weapon, this is my inner sense of fame, this is my monster.'" [MTV News]
• Amy Winehouse loves her new boobs and now wants butt implants to get that "pin-up look." [The Sun]
• Joe Halderman — the CBS news producer accused of trying to extort cash from David Letterman — goes to court today for the first hearing in his criminal case. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Joe Halderman's friends are helping him pay his legal bills. [TMZ]
• Justin Timberlake has been dealing with a stalker, and submitted a statement to a judge yesterday which read: "I fear for my personal safety." He called the behavior of woman in question "ever-increasing, aggressive and harassing." [TMZ]
• At the link, James Franco talks about his upcoming stints on 30 Rock and General Hospital. Of doing a soap opera, he says: "It's been a blast so far. It was kind of mind-blowing. I've worked one day on it. It's one day of a few. But I think we packed seven episodes of my material in." He also reveals that he has not worn an eyepatch. Yet. [NY Magazine]
• Oh dear: Tracy Morgan's stand-up show at Carnegie Hall was so crazy, people walked out. And not crazy in the good way — he called homosexuality a choice and joked, "Obama is really changing the White House, because he and Michelle will have the first presidential sex tape out." [Gatecrasher]
• "Dr. Conrad Murray was on the phone with his girlfriend as Michael Jackson was dying." [TMZ]
• Joe Jackson is being meddlesome with the executors of Michael Jackson's will. [CNN]
• Naomi Campbell is going on a month-long, £1 million vacation with boyfriend Vladislav Doronin, and she is calling it a honeymoon, though they're not married. Grain of salt on this one. [The Sun]
• Levi Johnston has Tweeted: "BREAKING NEWS !!!! SNL APPEARANCE THIS SAT… you hear it first !!!" My guess is that he'll be in the news segment, but you never know — we could get a Tina Fey/Sarah Palin appearance! [MSNBC Scoop]
• Levi Johnston is reportedly going to file for joint custody of his son Tripp. [Page Six]
• Ugh. Carrie Prejean's autobiography is out so she is still in the damn spotlight. She claims the Miss California USA pageant director pressured her into getting a boob job. [Radar Online]
• By the by, Carrie Prejean says her "solo sex tape" was the biggest mistake of her life. [TMZ]
• Director Lee Daniels is not pushing for an Oscar for Precious: "It scares me," he says. When he first heard Oscar talk, "I was completely thrown off guard. I was like … Oscar who? Oscar de la Renta?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Actress Emma Thompson's art project takes viewers on 'Journey' of sex slave" [NY Daily News]
• John Travolta has to promote his new flick Old Dogs, even though he is struggling to get by since the death of his son. He says: "
  "We've been working very hard every day as a family to heal. We have our own way of doing it, and it has been helping." [USA Today]
• Congrats to Halle Berry, who will receive the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award at The Hollywood Reporter's 18th annual Women in Entertainment breakfast presented by Lifetime. Past recipients include Barbara Walters, Meryl Streep, Jodie Foster and Glenn Close. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Entourage's Kevin Connolly gambles and hangs with Playmates. [Page Six]
• Donald Trump and Omarosa will be reunited for Omarosa's new dating reality show on TV One, called Omarosa's Ultimate Merger, on which she tries to choose a love interest from a selection of 12 bachelors. [Variety]
• Boo: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has been diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia. [People]
• "The only thing worse than Aerosmith with Steven Tyler is Aerosmith without Steven Tyler." [NY Post]
• Hot hottie Jason Lewis — you know, he played hottie Smith Jerrod — has been cast as the lead in a new show called Rio! He'll play an international detective (?!?!) who goes to Brazil to investigate a crime… and decides to stay after enjoying the city, its beaches and nightlife. It's Miami Vice and Magnum PI and maybe even Hawaii 5-0. Also, he's hot. [Page Six]
• Someone spilled a drink on Russell Simmons at a party. [Page Six]
• Twilight's Christian Serratos is getting naked for a PETA ad. She's 19. [Gatecrasher]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Kelly Kapowski is pregnant. [Gatecrasher]
• Whatshisname sued a tabloid magazine and won libel damages. [BBC News]
• "When you hear the phrase 'only in America,' it means something extraordinary, something extreme, something good. But if someone were to say ‘only in Britain,' it would be something damp, miserable, no, not until Wednesday and then it's unlikely." — Stephen Fry is promoting Stephen Fry In America and might come live in the U.S. [Daily Express]
• "If he wanted to go down that road he probably would have done so by now. And I think he is a very solid and faithful person." — Mel Gibson's girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, who has dated Mel and given birth while he's still legally married to his wife of 29 years. [MSNBC]
• "There wasn't going to be any more Juliet, and now there is going to be more Juliet. That's all I can say. I wish I could say more. I don't really like to be so close-lipped, but it kind of just goes with the show." — Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell. [USA Today]
• "How do I still look good? I owe 30 per cent to genes, 30 per cent to good sex, 30 per cent because of sports and healthy lifestyle with proper nutrition and for the remaining 10 per cent – I have to thank my plastic surgeon. I'm 71 and physically don't feel so good since I'm in pain. But I'm happier, the sex is better and I understand life better. I don't want to be young again." — Jane Fonda just had spine surgery, a new knee and hip made of titanium, but she had to get herself repaired because she wants to climb the Himalayas. [Telegraph]
• "I smoke weed, but I don't think it's really a drug. 'It's more of a herb. I don't regret saying that at all. I think everyone smokes weed and people who say they don't are lying! Weed has been given this evil stamp, but how is it dangerous? It's going to make you laugh your arse off? You might go to sleep? I think alcohol is much more harmful. People beat the f**k out of each other on alcohol." — Joss Stone should change her name to Joss Stoned. [Daily Mail]
• "I really enjoy acting. I like being in front of the camera. I think I should be an action star." — Serena Williams, that makes two of us. [NY Daily News]
• "Elevators scare me — just being stuck without phone service when you're alone. Small spaces are fine, if I'm with someone in an elevator fine, but I will not buy an apartment on the 14th floor of a building that's for sure, I've gotta be able to walk. … The unknown is very scary. …I'm scared of a lot of women, certain women because I guess I don't have a lot of confidence in myself, I don't know what it is." — Amanda Seyfried. [Mirror]
• "We're discovering who the enemy are, and I do think we do have an enemy. It means that everyone's got to go on fighting. And in what way you fight, well, it depends who you are… You can write a letter, you can talk about it to your congressperson… you can talk to people in bars… Or you can go on marches, or you can go and break windows." — Sir Ian McKellan on the fight for gay marriage. [Page Six]

[Los Angeles, March 30. Image via WENN.]

• His Diddiness continues, "I'm definitely trying to get in on that in the next two years, for real," he says. [E! Online]
• Kate Winslet says that she liked reading the Feminine Mystique in preparation for her Revolutionary Road role as a miserable 50s housefrau. She calls Betty Friedan a "feisty chick" and then says she supposes that she's a feminist, "In a loose, unofficial kind of way, I think I probably am. I mean, not in a bra-burning way. But I think I am a feminist, yeah." [Guardian]
• Balthazar Getty's foul moods have been alienating his Brothers and Sisters castmates. Getty allegedly started getting surly when his extramarital relationship with Sienna Miller started over the summer, in part because Miller used to date costar Matthew Rhys, but also because some of the cast sided with Getty's estranged wife, Rosetta, the mother of his four children. "They often have to move shooting schedules around to accommodate [him]," a source says. [AP via Yahoo News]
• So it begins: 24-year-old Scarlett Johansson is already fielding questions about the status of her uterus. "I love to work and I'm enjoying myself right now. Someday in the distant future I'm sure I'll want to [have kids]. But I'm not ready for that yet." Scar Jo says. [People]
• Guy Ritchie reportedly banned Madonna from the former couples' mansion in the English countryside for the holidays. “He couldn't bear the thought of her padding round the kitchen next morning like old times — there are too many sad memories," a source says. Aw. [The Sun]
• Jeremy Piven's "mercury poisoning" from excessive sushi intake keeps sounding fishier (heh). Apparently at first he told producers he had mono, then he claimed low-level Epstein-Barr, before finally settling on the mercury story, which has been supported by a doctor with a history of fibbing for celebrities. [TMZ]
• Since Michael Phelps is the closest thing to a real, live superhero we have, it's no surprise that they're making a video game based on his persona. "Swimming will play a role, but it won't be the main event," says Newser, but the manufacturer won't say anything more. What else might Michael be doing? [Newser]
• Click here to see the trailer for Beyonce's new movie, Obsessed, a thriller co-starring Idris Elba and Ali Larter. B plays Elba's wife, and Larter is his stalker. [Just Jared]
• Rut Roh! One of David Copperfield's assistant had his arm broken during a recent performance of a trick called the "fan illusion," in which the unidentified employee was supposed to appear as if walking through a fan, before disappearing in a cloud of smoke. Copperfield's producer Chris Kenner called it "a freak accident," and added "People are always saying that it's magic and it isn't dangerous. This goes to show you that it is." At least it's better than being a Siegfried and Roy assistant. [People]
• People were worried about Paula Abdul leaving American Idol, but apparently they have to worry about Simon Cowell ditching them now, too. “I'll make a decision about (whether to stay with the show) next year," Cowell says, not because of any fracas with Abdul, but because of his workload as a music and TV producer. [MSNBC]
• U2 fans take note! The superstars will release a new album in March called No Line On The Horizon. [Reuters]
• Is Oprah moving to DC in order to be close to the Obamas? Insiders say that Winfrey was looking at a $50 million, 9 bedroom house in the Washington area. Her rep didn't return calls. [Page Six]
• Leonardo DiCaprio and Nicky Hilton ex Kevin Connolly went over to Paris's house to hang the other night. Are we really still talking about her? [Page Six]
• Page Six is implying that Tom Cruise has oral herpes, as they gleefully point out that both Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes have been photographed with sores on their lips. [Page Six]
• Several stars, including the sore laden Holmes, were interviewed for a new book called The Black Book of Hollywood Pregnancy Secrets. Holmes talks about loving Home Depot, while Kate Hudson says that she finds dating difficult because she's a mom. Plucky Helena Bonham Carter rages against men who criticized her for drinking coffee whilst preggo: "Yeah. You try nine months of gestation and self-abnegation before you start censoring my diet. Your mother was probably on vodka, and do you have three heads?” Finally, Tina Fey says, “I don’t care how many [magazine] covers you’re on. When you’re chasing a 3-year-old around with a pull-up [diaper] hoping she won’t poop on the floor, you’re just like every other mom on the planet.” [NYDN]

• The crew on Madonna's world tour is threatening to quit because they had to stay at a cheap airport hotel while she stayed in an £11,000-a-night castle. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Her Madgesty said, "Let them eat cake." [Mirror, WOW Report]
• Here's the latest on David Duchovny: He may have had an addiction to online porn. And he may have released a statement about it because he was already in treatment and a fellow patient was about to sell info to the tabloids. [Fox News]
• Looking back at old interviews, Duchovny revealed his love of porn and '80s porn stars. [People]
• Meanwhile, Tea Leoni has canceled her appearance at the Toronto Film Festival. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan hung out with Sam Ronson instead of going to her grandfather's wake on Long Island. [The Sun]
• Lindsay signed a MySpace message "This song is for SR… ILY." Translation: "This song is for Sam Ronson. I love you." [Pop Dirt]
• Are Queen Latifah and her long time partner Jeanette Jenkins planning on adopting? Are they out now? [ONTD]

• Some dude's been arrested for stealing a digital camera that had pictures of Kate Middleton and Prince William vacationing in Mustique together. The camera belonged to Kate's little sister Pippa and the guy intended to sell the snaps to the tabloids, obvs. [Daily Mail]
• Kevin Spacey: Seen pinching the bare bottom of some dude. [Mr. Paparazzi, via Perez Hilton]
• Says a witness: "Kevin looked like he was having a brilliant time." [The Sun]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck of The View is heading to the Republican National Convention on Thursday. She'll fly in and out on the same day. "I must really want John McCain elected," she says, "because I would not get on a plane like that for anyone else." Oh, the sacrifice! Thank God McCain has you. [NY Daily News]
• The apocalypse is nigh: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are opening a bar. In NEW YORK. To be called The Hill. [W]
• Save Katie! The anti-Scientology group Anonymous will be protesting at opening night of Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons. "We aren’t looking to shut it down, we just want to prove a point," says a spokesperson. [MSNBC]
• Josh Hartnett and and unnamed female friend went into a little-used library at a SoHo hotel and started getting "hot and heavy." Since the hotel — and the library — are under security camera surveillance, the staff saw a little show on a monitor. No video link, sorry! [MSNBC]
• Michael Phelps shot a cameo for the new season of Entourage. "It was like being in New York City with one of the Beatles," Kevin "E" Connolly says. "People were stopping in the streets and climbing up things to see him. They were going nuts. He's like a superstar." [Yahoo News]
• Meanwhile, Michael Phelps is totally not talking about the ladies and doing his best to have some privacy: "I never said I have a girlfriend, and I never said I don't have a girlfriend," he says. [People]
• DNA evidence has linked an air conditioning repairman to the 2001 stabbing death of Ashley Ellerin, Ashton Kutcher's former girlfriend. [Yahoo News]
• Johnny Depp was on stage with his old band! One night only! He played guitar and sang backup! It was for charity. [Yahoo News]
• This was probably inevitable but still: Oy: Agyness Deyn is working on a Hollywood career. [Daily Mail]
• Not that you asked, but Britney has been working out "super hard" and is in "great shape." [Page Six]
• Angelina Jolie would like to work on a European film. "No one has asked me yet," she says. "When I can really speak it, maybe I'll try out for a French film in a few years." [Breitbart]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty: Moving in together? They looked at a $22 million mansion in Malibu and Sienna liked it. (At that price point, what's not to like?) [Perez Hilton]
• Maroon 5's Adam Levine: Seen hitting on newly single Anne Hathaway at the Vanity Fair DNC party. Uh-oh, isn't Adam on that herpes chart? [Fox News]
• James Gandolfini, 46, married his fiancée Deborah Lin, 40, in her hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii on Saturday. "They both wore long, green leis around their necks," says a source. "There were lots of white flowers on the tables and Gandolfini was beaming." [People]
• French actress Emmanuelle Beart and director Fabrice Du Welz are defending their latest movie, Vinyan, in which Beart stars as a mother who loses her son to the 2004 tsunami but refuses to believe he is dead. The character and her husband go looking for the kid in the jungle of the Thai-Myanmar border and stumble across a terrifying world ruled by savage children. It's a horror film, but the director says, "I tried to be as respectful as I can. I don't want to be unpleasant to people who have really suffered from the tsunami." [Yahoo News]
• John Mayer got really drunk and partied with a blonde cocktail waitress on the last night of his world tour. On stage, he mentioned reading The Secret and said "I had a conversation recently, and a lot of tears were exchanged." Jen Aniston, sniff, sniff. [People]
• This is just coming out now, but apparently Amy Winehouse overdosed twice last year: Once in July, from smoking hash for 36 hours; next in August from cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth. Now she might have brain damage or schizophrenia from the drugs. [The Sun]
• Another "Amy Winehouse may have brain damage" story. [Daily Mail]
• Headline of the day: "Could Scarlett Be The Next Spielberg?" Yes, Ms. Johansson wants to direct. [Daily Express]
• Mel Gibson has become "close to" a "glamorous Russian musician" on the set on his new movie but he says she's just a colleague and he remains happily married. [Daily Mail]
• The stage musical version of 9 To 5 features 19 new Dolly Parton songs. "She's so lovely and so humble," producer Robert Greenblatt says. "She says, 'I'm not sure I'll get you the whole way there, but I'd love to give it a try. If something doesn't work exactly, I'll rewrite it.'" [Variety]
• Colin Farrell saved this homeless guy's life by giving him cash and telling him: "You need to get your life together, man, promise me. And make sure you go see my new movie." [Toronto Sun]
• Jude Law is visiting Afghanistan to promote peace. Yeah, I dunno. [AP]
• Sign of the recession? Diddy had to give up his private jet. [The Star]
• Natalie Portman won a humanity award at the Venice Film Festival, where she made her directorial debut with a short film called Eve. [The Star]
• Duran Duran fan? Maybe you wanna read about how cocaine destroyed the band. Written by Andy Taylor! [Daily Mail]
• Sixty-two year old Cher has a 36 year old man and she hired a private jet to fly him and two of his buddies to Memphis to catch a Merle Haggard show, which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
• Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze: Still on. [Page Six]
• Leanne Rimes, 26, has been married for seven years, and says she is ready for a baby. [People]
• "You are bugging the fuck out… No disrespect. …Alaska? I don't even know if there's any black people in Alaska. If you really think we're gonna let you win the election with these crazy decisions that you're making, you're bugging." —Diddy's thoughts about Sarah Palin in a video directed to John McCain. [Perez Hilton]
• Jerry O'Connell says pregnant wife Rebecca Romjin craves lemonade and soy cream cheese. "Can't be cream cheese. Soy cream cheese. Do you know how difficult it is to find soy cream cheese? It's usually in the corner of the supermarket someplace!" [People]
• "The easiest sex scene I have done was in Mulholland Drive because it was with another woman. There was no awkwardness. There was no sexual tension." — Naomi Watts. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "When it comes to fashion, I know about as much as Betty. I love to play dress-up and it’s fun, but I’m not interested in the fashion world. If I wasn’t an actress, I’d probably want to be a teacher." — America Ferrera. [Mirror]
• "I always knew I was never the prettiest or ugliest girl in the room. Life's too short to inject botulism into you face to get rid of a tiny line because you've laughed too much. I don't feel a need to lose weight, because I'm not 21. I'm happy with my package." — Ashley Jensen, aka Christina on Ugly Betty. [Daily Mail]
• "It's very strange to be here in London without Anthony Minghella, whom I loved very much, and very painful. I was so frightened in the first week of shooting The English Patient, I was trembling, but he was trying to find a way to win my trust, and he just said to me, 'Well, fly...' and I did and it changed my life." — Juliette Binoche. [Independent]
• "Victoria and I are very different. People bracket us together because we live in the same city and we’re both interested in fashion. Victoria’s fashion line has been very successful and, hopefully mine will be too. But that’s where the similarities begin and end." —Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. Not that you knew she had a fashion line. [Daily Mail]
• "The only thing I can cook really is mince meat, which is ironic because I'm a vegetarian. But I like calzone and lasagne. I cooked every day in Spain so David and the boys lived off minced meat for four years. I cook a Sunday dinner every single Sunday I'll have you know. My kids like Yorkshire pudding so I make that, I can make it from scratch and I make Dora the Explorer cakes for afters because the kids love them." — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• "I can't even think about having another baby right now. The boys take up so much of my time." — Victoria Beckham. [Mirror]
• "I don't care for [romantic comedies] where the guy is emasculated, tossed around by the woman, and lacking a point of view. It's a disservice to both the male and the female. I like to give my guys some balls" - Matthew McConaughey to Plenty magazine. [Page Six]
• "I kind of want to see how the audience responds first. I don't want to overstay my welcome." — Shannen Doherty, on whether she will stick with the new 90210. [LA Times]
• "I informed British Airways of my late arrival. I told them I was a kind of minor celebrity and I might get a bit of hassle at the airport. Turns out they are complete arseholes. Even when I fell over and badly creased my hat, I had no assistance. I was crying but I didn't want them to see. A cynic might say I missed the plane, an honest man might say I went to the airport a little late." —Pete Doherty. [Mirror]
• "I think manipulation is something that women do a lot, it's still our number one problem. You look at those characters [in The Duchess] — Georgiana and Bess — and they're hugely trying to outmanoeuvre each other, but I think it's also possible for intense love affairs to happen between women — not necessarily sexual, but things can obviously take a sexual turn. Women do get obsessed with other women — whether they love them or hate them, and I think that line is very easy to cross." — Keira Knightley [Guardian]

• Fergie: Pregnant? Sources say she and Josh Duhamel are moving up the wedding date because she doesn't want the bump to be too obvious. Honestly, she did seem a wee soft in the face when she was singing with John Legend at the Grammys, but it looked good. [Page Six]
  
• Also on Grammy night: Dita Von Teese was seen "getting snuggly" with Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean? Wait, what? [Page Six]
  
• And Lindsay Lohan Paris Hilton was seen "aggressively trying" to get with John Mayer. Sigh. [Page Six]
  
• Is Britney going on a world tour? A source says she'll train for a month and then leave the country, getting away from her "friend" Sam Lutfi and boyfriend Adnan Ghalib. [Page Six]
  
• Meanwhile, Britney's father got permission to fire her business manager, whom he does not trust. [People]
  
• Although taking control of her finances is tough, because Britney is an adult. [Newsweek]
  
• Lenny Kravitz is in the hospital with severe bronchitis. Get well! [Reuters]

• Ryan Phillippe says his divorce from Reese Witherspoon was "the darkest, saddest place I had ever been" and he couldn't get out of bed for four or five months. [People]
• Uma Thurman: "I'd like more children. I asked the doctor, she said there's still time. I still have the sippy cups." [Page Six]
• The authors of the latest Anna Nicole Smith book are suing their publisher. It's always something. [Gatecrasher]
• Though all of the Spice Girls were in New York this weekend, Posh partied without Ginger, Baby, Sporty and Scary. What happened to "friendship never ends"? [Gatecrasher]
• Nicolas Cage is suing Kathleen Turner for writing that he was arrested twice for DUI and possibly stealing a Chihuahua. "I have never been arrested for anything in my life, nor have I stolen a dog," Nic says. [Rush & Molloy]
• Entourage star Kevin Connolly either did or did not jump some guy at a nightclub and pummel him in the head. The guy filed charges but then called the sheriff's office and said "never mind." [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton dropped her cat at the vet two weeks ago and has yet to pick her up; the woman she adopted the cat from says the cat is now abandoned. But! This seems to be a publicity stunt for the woman's foundation. So whatever. [People]
• Natalie Cole on Amy Winehouse: "I don't think she should have won. I think it sends a bad message to our young people... We have to stop rewarding bad behavior." [People]
• Joel Madden says baby Harlow is a "mama's girl." He also says Nicole Richie is "a wonderful mother and looks really hot already... There's something so attractive about her now. It's a motherly glow." Aw, a compliment wrapped in an insult, sweet! [People]
• Miley Cyrus' new movie features a scene where she's riding in the back seat of a Range Rover — without a seat belt. SCANDAL. [USA Today]
• Sienna Miller told a British court she felt hunted and in a "threatening situation" when paparazzi chased her car across London in an attempt to find out where she lived. One day one of these aggro-pap stories is going to end very badly. [USA Today]
• On the 25th anniversary of Thriller, Michael Jackson thanks his fans and promises new music. Meanwhile, the old stuff is awesome! [USA Today]
• Relive some Michael Jackson memories here. [Rolling Stone]
• Michelle Williams is back in New York after attending Heath Ledger's funeral in Australia. [People]
• John Ritter's family is suing the doctors who treated him before he died; attorneys say because Ritter never got a chest X-ray, he got the wrong treatment, leading to his death. [Reuters]
• Gwyneth Paltrow may adopt a baby from Brooklyn; "I'm a New York girl," she says. [Mirror]
• Denise Richards' new reality show for E! will focus on her life as a single mom. Ryan Seacrest is producing. No comment. [Variety]
• Shrek The Musical: Coming to Broadway in December. [USA Today]

• The mother of singer Brandy Norwood says that when Kim Kardashian was a stylist, she made unauthorized purchases on Brandy's credit card (and gave the card number to her siblings!), racking up over $120,000 in charges. Hey, bandage dresses ain't cheap! [People]
  
• In Britney news, the lawyer her father has retained tried to issue a restraining order against Sam Lutfi, but Lutfi wouldn't open the door. [TMZ]
  
• Her father wants the lawyers representing Britney in her custody battle — the firm of Trope and Trope — off the case, since they have a good relationship with Sam Lutfi. [TMZ]
  
• It seems that Lutfi spoke to Britney over the weekend, even though that violates the restraining order. [People]
  
• This UK paper is reporting that Britney is in a padded room, and Adnan can't get in to visit her. [The Sun]
  
• A court-ordered psychiatrist will examine Britney to determine if she understands the legal proceedings she is involved in. The court will decide how much longer her assets will remain under the temporary control of her father. [Reuters]

• Meanwhile, Jamie Lynn Spears wants to move from Louisiana to L.A. — away from her mother. [MSNBC]
• Andy Samberg and musician Joanna Newsom: It's on. Didn't know Andy had a girlfriend, sniff! [PageSix.com]
• Patrick Swayze had "serious gastro-intestinal" surgery over the weekend; a source says he is recovering. He'll live to dirty dance again! [PageSix.com]
• Jerry Hall is the "Global Ambassador" for Levitra? Mick Jagger's ex is touring the world encouraging women to talk about erectile dysfunction. Shudder. [PageSix.com]
• Mariah Carey was uncomfortable getting "uglied up" for her role in new flick Tennessee. She doesn't look so bad on the poster — doesn't she know what de-glamming did for Charlize Theron? [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which husband of a daytime TV fixture - who has been in trouble for his proclivities before - has lately been patronizing a midtown dungeon?" [Gatecrasher]
• Michael Jackson will appear onstage at the Grammy awards this weekend. You know you wanna know what he looks like. [Rush & Molloy]
• Entourage star Kevin Connolly: Seen grinding on the dance floor with Laguna Beach alum Kristin Cavallari. Hollywood is such a merry-go-round. [Rush & Molloy]
• Justin Timberlake in the doghouse with Jessica Biel? After rumors surfaced that he made out with Kate Hudson and some other chick, she feels she can't trust him. Or so says a source. [MSNBC]
• Actress Shell Kepler, who played gossipy nurse Amy Vining on General Hospital for years, has died, though the cause of death is unknown. She was 49. [AP]
• It's not unusual? Kitschy singer Tom Jones has insured his chest hair for £3.5 million. Rowr! [Mirror]
• George Clooney says Hollywood has lost its sparkle: He places the glory years between 1964 and 1976, with films made by Stanley Kubrick, Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsese, Alan J. Pakula and Sidney Lumet. "They don't make those films anymore," he sighs. Poor Georgie. [Telegraph]
• Heath Ledger's family is back home in Australia, preparing for the funeral later this week. Heath will be buried in the family plot, near his grandparents. [News.com.au]
• Meanwhile, the inhabitants of Heath's hometown of Perth, Australia are not happy about all the drug rumors. "If a person dies, let him go in peace," one woman says. [Yahoo News]
• PETA is not happy that Lindsay Lohan has been wearing fur. Will she join Mary-Kate and Ashley as a major target? [PETA2]
• It was reported that Gisele said she would run naked through Times Square if the Giants beat boyfriend Tom Brady's Patriots in the Super Bowl. Her agent claims she never said it and asks, "What's wrong with the world?" Um, people want to see Gisele naked, is that wrong? [People]
• Oooh, a preview of Kanye West's book! It's filled with Kanye-isms like "Be leery of the free gift bag" and "When you're so focused on what you don't have — you won't have." Nothing about walking around in shutter-lensed glasses, but it sounds fun. [LA Times]
• Diddy is dredging up his voting initiative from 2004, but instead of "Vote or Die" he's just saying "Go vote." Sean John Combs adds, "If we want to stop the war, if we want to get the economy better, I think that young people need to understand they have to take matters into their own hands." He doesn't endorse a candidate but calls the race "exciting." [USA Today]
• Avril Lavigne was holding auditions for backup dancers but canceled plans after reports that she pays below the standard industry rate. Avril, a cheapsk8? [Perez Hilton]