[London, December 7. Image via INF]

Writing in the Sydney Morning Herald, Celia Walden explains the female sex's supposed antipathy to Knightley thus: "mention of her name prompts women of every age to spring forward, enthralled and enraged, to postulate on the size of her pout, bosom and talent." Why? Well, what's the reason women ever dislike another woman? Jealousy, of course! Says Warden,

Female jealousy is a form of lust, the desire to know every inch of a beautiful woman in the same way that a man wants to through sex. But this lust is more powerful than the male kind, and is what has propelled Knightley to her position as a fashion figurehead, role model and Hollywood actress.

This is thoroughly confusing. Women apparently hate Keira Knightley because they are jealous of her, and are jealous of her because they want to "know every inch of her," and this desire is a form of lust. Also, somehow this hatred/lust is responsible for Knightley's fame. I found all this especially mystifying in light of the fact that my feelings about Knightley could be summed up with a resounding "meh." A "male friend" of Warden's identfies Knightley's problem thus: "She makes this stupid face, just like my girlfriend does when she looks in the mirror." This guy doesn't sound like a very good boyfriend, but I do agree that Knightley seems capable of only one face. It's not stupid, exactly, just kind of startled, and while it looks pretty, it's ultimately not that interesting. Certainly not interesting enough to light the fires of either hate or love.

What does get me kind of riled up, though, is the constant fetishization of female jealousy. We're jealous of Megan Fox, we're jealous of Sarah Palin — we barely have time to get anything done, we're so busy with our envy. Of course, it's a rare woman — or man — who hasn't felt jealous of someone else. But why does women's jealousy get so much play? Walden's piece offers a clue: maybe it's kind of hot.

Walden's claim that female hatred of Keira Knightley is all about lust just makes explicit what's always been a subtext in discussions of jealousy: that the green-eyed monster could lead women into a catfight, or maybe even some hate-fueled girl-on-girl action. Women fighting each other is a time-honored soft-core trope, and all the better if the combatants actually kind of want each other. Of course, Walden and others who've advanced the they're-just-jealous position have been women — including the reader who asked us "is it REALLY honest at all to pretend that a lot of the 'hateration' towards Megan Fox is not attributed to how reader's boyfriends and husbands, male acquaintances would/do react to her?" But this wouldn't be the first time women have knowingly or unknowingly performed for the male gaze, and while there's some truth in what they say — of course, women can be nasty about one another's looks — the sexual focus of their words is telling. Both Fox and Knightley (and, of course, Palin) have made impolitic public statements, but the reason women dislike them must be some strange form of desire — or, in an especially male-centric formulation, their effect on "boyfriends and husbands." Again, this is not to say that women are exclusively acting out a male script when they call out their fellow women for jealousy. But I would argue that the way Female Jealousy is constructed and discussed and invoked ad nauseum does indeed stem from lust — just not women's.

Why We Hate Keira Knightley [Sydney Mornign Herald]

• Lindsay Lohan wasn't surprised by the negative reaction to her Ungaro debut, as she feels people are always out to criticize her: "I am a target. I don't know why I am, but I am, and I accept that." [TimesOnline]

• "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion," Lohan says, "I didn't expect everyone to be completely loving the collection. It is the same with everything I have done. I knew that people were going to target me." [TimesOnline]
• Meanwhile, Lindsay's been dropped by her record label, is reportedly not getting paid by Ungaro (except for receiving free clothes), and, according to a source, her recent behavior during Paris Fashion Week might be a sign that she's readying herself for reality television: "She was being followed by a camera crew wherever she went," says the source, "We saw them filming her at the Vogue party and a bunch of other clubs around Paris." [PageSix]
• The crew accused of breaking into Lindsay's home is quickly turning on each other: Alexis Taylor, one of the suspects, claims that suspect Nick Prugo is responsible for everything: "I know for a fact Nick did all of these burglaries. He did every single burglary, he told me this after the police let him go. Nick is blaming people, trying to get the blame off himself." [TMZ]
• However, two other members of the dreadfully-named "Hollywood Hills Burglar Bunch," have previously been convicted for misdemeanor shoplifting. [TMZ]
• "I'm going to play more mums than sex symbols. I'm too old to play younger characters. When you live in LA you can't go anywhere without being criticised, on your purse or the fact that you have gained weight or that you have got spots on your face."-Catherine Zeta-Jones, who has an affair with a 25-year-old babysitter in her latest film. [DailyExpress]
• Simon Cowell's neighbors aren't big fans of his nightowl ways: "People arrive at 11pm, then the music starts and goes on until 2am or 3am. People around here want to get on with him, but he's not making it easy for us to like him.' [DailyMail]
• Tom Sizemore's ex-girlfriend is suing him for being a dead beat dad.[TMZ]
• Morrissey remains hospitalized after collapsing on stage last night; his condition is currently being reported as "stable." A fan at the concert says that Morrissey "didn't look particularly well" while performing, but continued struggling through the song until he eventually collapsed. "He kept putting his hand up to his mouth as if he felt sick or perhaps he was trying to hide something, but he didn't look particularly comfortable. He got through the whole song though ... to rapturous applause at the end." [AP]
• Avril Lavigne's soon to be ex-husband, Deryck Whibley, is getting the couple's mansion in the split. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston is reportedly starting a new late-night talk show for the Oprah Winfrey Network. [DailyExpress]
• The movie Cocktail is being turned into a Broadway musical, and Katie Holmes might be up for a starring role. In related news, I will be singing "Kokomo" all day long. [PageSix]
• Thinking of dressing up as Billy Mays for Halloween? His family says it's A-OK. Mays' son, Billy Mays III, is even holding a "Hallow-clean" costume contest; the winners will receive "various Billy Mays goodies as prizes." [People]
• "I've come across one female engineer, no female producers. It's such a male-dominated industry. My manager (Nicola Carson) is really cool. She's setting up nights where women in the industry come together, empowering women. I think that's great. Otherwise, it's just all men: management are men, everyone in your record company is a man, and it's not good."- Leona Lewis [Guardian]
• Amanda Seyfried and Dominic Cooper are still going strong, even though they're often separated by 5,000 miles. [Telegraph]
• Sandra Bullock is caught up in a custody battle between her husband, Jesse James and his ex-wife, Janine Lindemulder. Lindemulder was just released from jail, and James has asked a judge to determine if she's fit to share custody of the couple's daughter, Sunny. Bullock and James may have to testify at some point. [TimesOnline]
• "I don't know yet, I'm still fooling her into thinking I can dress her. She can buy nasty pinks when she gets her own cash. Wash the car, and you can buy your own pink." Stella McCartney on putting "nice pinks" into her Gap children's collection. [TimesOnline]
• Brad Pitt was in a minor accident yesterday; he lost control while driving and fell off of his motorcycle. No worries, though: he's fine. [TMZ]
• Britney Spears' new boyfriend, Jason Trawick is "absolutely fantastic" with her sons, says a source, ""When you see him with them, you wouldn't think for a moment that he wasn't their dad. He treats the kids like they are his own." [USWeekly]
• Tavis Smiley's name will be removed from Texas Southern University's communication school because he hasn't fulfilled a promised $1 million donation. That's way harsh, Texas Southern University. [UPI]
• "Children are amazing for so many reasons and one of them is that they kind of punctuate your life. Often our lives go by so fast without enjoying the moment and being able to reflect. When you have a person living in your house that is growing next to you it's just amazing to watch and reflect the passage of time."-Amy Poehler, whose son, Archie, turns 1 today. [People]
• Bill Cosby will receive this year's Mark Twain Prize for American humor, an award he's turned down twice before because he didn't want to be associated with the profanity performers were using to honor past nominees, especially Richard Pryor. "I told them flat out no because I will not be used, nor will Mark Twain be used, in that way." [AP]
• Keira Knightley has reportedly beat out Scarlett Johansson for the role of Eliza Doolittle in the upcoming adaptation of My Fair Lady. [Telegraph]
• Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson disappointed a security guard when he refused to pose for a picture for the guard's son: "The Rock got all annoyed and said he can't take pictures with everyone who asks," says a source, "The best part is that when the guy said 'Fine, but my son isn't a fan anymore,' The Rock gave him his trademark stare!" [PageSix]
• "There was no plot against me. There was no setup. It was all my fault. I think that my wrongdoing was much greater than Bill Clinton's. There's a different justice for people who are public figures than for those who are not."-Roman Polanski, in an interview given to Esquire magazine before he was arrested last month. [PageSix]
• Shakira says he plans to start a family once her tour ends: "My body feels like it is asking to reproduce, to have a huge belly and carry babies. And when the baby comes, I don't want to be in the middle of 100,000 projects." [NYDN]
• Bradley Cooper has asked Renee Zellweger for "some space" in their relationship. "Bradley is enjoying his status as a hot successful star and doesn't want to settle," says a source. [DailyMail]
• Katy Perry and Russell Brand are reportedly looking for a home together in Hollywood: ""Katy's just the girl to keep Russell on his toes and he's head over heels. He keeps telling us he's never met anyone like her and he knows she's the one for him. He's 34 and has been playing the field for years now and he's thinking this could be the time to settle down," says a source, "She loves his sense of humor. He totally cracks her up and she says it's really hot when they get together." [ShowbizSpy]
• Anne Hathaway will be a bridesmaid at Emily Blunt and John Krasinski's wedding; the bride will be wearing a gown by John Galliano. [ONTD]
• Courtney Love says she's returned to New York City, as her employees in LA "tried to take me to the loony bin." [NYDN]
• "I got that after we shot Clerks. I'd broken up with a girl and was feeling blue so I was drinking a lot of boxed Zinfandel. My friend was like: "That's awesome, man – why did you get it?" I said: "Because I'm always late, right?" He goes: "That's the White Rabbit." So I have the Mad Hatter on my arm and it has no significance whatsoever, except to remind me not to drink wine out of a box."- Kevin Smith on his Mad Hatter tattoo. [Guardian]

• They said it would never happen, but a judge ordered that Google reveal Liskula Cohen's anonymous online tormentor. The model sued Google to find out who was behind a hate-blog about her, in order to file a defamation suit. [NYPost]

• Marc Jacobs does not "enjoy", "look forward to," or anticipate seeing any shows besides his own at New York Fashion Week. "Enjoy?" said the designer, at a party in the Hamptons, "Enjoy is a weird word. It's work — work is more what it's about." So it's not fun? "No." In addition to his two collections to show, Jacobs has a wedding pull together just now — his nuptuals with partner Lorenzo Martone will take place privately in Provincetown, Massachussetts, "soon." [The Cut]
• Hopefully Jacobs was put in slightly better humor by a visit from Miss Piggy. She needed a dress for a red carpet affair in Chicago, and the designer was happy to oblige, so the porcine starlet popped in for a fitting. [WWD]
• Keira Knightley and a strategically arranged suspender star in the newest ad for Chanel's Coco Mademoiselle perfume. [Egotastic]
• Sass & Bide, the Australian denim label which generally shows internationally in New York, has announced it is joining the thundering horde heading to London Fashion Week this season. A raft of British designers have made special arrangements to return to London to show in this, London Fashion Week's 25th anniversary year, and even Anna Wintour — who normally drops the city from her fashion calendar — will be showing up. [Telegraph]
• The cast of the next season of Dancing With The Stars has been announced, and Vera Wang's name is not there. Kelly Osbourne, Melissa Joan Hart, and an Ultimate Fighting Champion might not make the best company, anyway, and Wang has a company to run, so we're not that surprised. [Us]
• Elettra Weidemann, Isabella Rossellini's daughter, scored another fall campaign, for G Star. Anton Corbijn, who directed the Joy Division movie Control, and has photographed U2 for years, was the photographer. [Fashionista]
• Eugenia Kim's diffusion line for Urban Outfitters, branded Eek!, includes a nice looking cloche, and some potentially interesting headbands and fascinators. For $28-$48, as opposed to Kim's main line's $200-$300 pricepoint, this line looks like a winner. [FabSugar]
• Speaking of Urban Outfitters, is there any other chain you would expect to take up the noble cause of saving Polaroid from obsolescence? [Elle UK]
• Hermès is reissuing one of its classic scarf designs to benefit the International Federation of Human Rights. The blue-green scarf will be sold on fidh.org for 215 Euros, starting early next month. [WWD]
• Fashion blind item! "WHICH rising American model has stopped getting snapped backstage by photographers? She's dated so many of them (and their important friends) that now they refuse to give her any exposure!" [Fashionista]
• Wal-Mart is expanding its reach into the tween market. In addition to having Taylor Swift design dresses for L.E.I., and selling Miley Cyrus's line with Max Azria, the world's largest retailer has inked a deal with Nickelodeon to partner with the young stars of a show called True Jackson. [WWD]
• Presumably in order to give Toby Keith a run for his money, Kenny Chesney is launching a fashion line. [People]
• Zara is expanding its outlet chain, Leftie's, into France, after successfully opening the super-budget stores in Portugal and Mexico. This is clearly something we need stateside, stat. [WWD]
• Saks' net loss in the second quarter widened to $54.5 million, an increase from the $32.7 million loss the company experienced during the same period last year. However, Saks actually beat analysts' expectations. [WWD]

• Posh and Becks are in an underwear ad, together! David seems to be deep in thought, perhaps pondering the wisdom of letting Armani give him hair that belongs on a Lego newscaster. Narrate Victoria's inner monologue in the comments! [Telegraph]

• Keira Knightley is still the face of Coco Mademoiselle. She gives great sexyface in the new ad. [Sassybella]
• Two designers you have never heard of are looking forward to seeing Brüno when it opens on July 10. [AP]
• Kanye's Louis Vuitton's sneakers — which came into stores very suddenly yesterday, with no pre-announced release date to build the excitement — have already sold out. How come? Sneakerheads, Louis Vuitton nerds, and Kanye fans have been on a waiting list for the kicks since January. If you want some of the $840-$1,140 shoes, the Louis Vuitton store will put your name on a "wish list" in case more become available. But don't hold your breath. [The Cut]
• Diane von Furstenberg is accused of polluting the Meatpacking District with her signature scent. Allegedly, the perfume emanating from her W. 14th St. headquarters' ventilation system is overpowering; one passerby called the perfume "putrid, awful . . . something you'd find on a 60-year-old matron." And a receptionist at a nearby eye clinic said patients had complained. [P6]
• Real Housewife Kelly Bensimon has a jewelry line, produced with Mouawad, the same company that does Nicole Richie's House of Harlow 1960. Of her character on her popular reality show, she says, "I think that because I'm so down-to-earth they're like, 'Okay we have to pump her up a little bit because otherwise people are not going to believe'...If they want me to be some kind of crazy socialite, I'm not a socialite. I'm a working girl, a single mom." As for the jewelry, which is priced at $32-$336 and is based on pavé geometric designs, Bensimon explains her inspiration thus: "I love Navajo and I love the idea of taking Pocahontas out of the kayak and putting her into the disco." Also, there are snakes in the form of bracelets and rings, which may or may not have something to do with Milton. [W]
• Los Angeles designers really, really wish their fashion week — limping on since the departure of sponsors IMG, Mercedes-Benz, and Smashbox Studios — could join the Big Four. But all the best L.A. designers — Band of Outsiders, Rodarte, Trina Turk, Monique Lhuillier — seem to show in New York. [WSJ]
• Ending the tide of good news for London Fashion week is the withdrawal of Aquascutum. The iconic English label has been put up for sale by its parent company, Japan-based Renown, after a buy-out bid by Aquascutum management was rejected. [WWD]
• Donatella Versace attended an event at the Whitney where children with chronic or life-threatening illnesses drew pictures for her. The sketches chosen by Versace will be featured on limited-edition Versace tote bags, to be sold for $200-$250 via Gilt Groupe this fall. No word on how much the kids will make from their intellectual property. [Style.com]
• This is just too weird. Ed Hardy CEO Hubert Guez owns Michael Jackson's Holmby Hills house and grounds. Jackson was renting the 7-bedroom, 13-bathroom French chateau-style manse for $100,000 a month. Now, maker of tacky Ed Hardy t-shirts Christian Audigier is moving in. [TMZ]
• Now that it has a designer in London-based (but New York-relocating) Marios Schwab, Halston can do things like sign multi-million-dollar distribution deals for its wares. [WWD]
• Meanwhile, Kate Gosselin's clothing project with Healthtex is on hold. [Radaronline]
• Uniqlo's same-store sales rose 6.4% in June. [WWD]
• Polo Ralph Lauren has extended its deal to dress the U.S. Olympic team through the winter games next year and the summer games of 2012. [WSJ]
• To mark its 120th anniversary, the house of Lanvin is releasing a line of limited-edition commemorative items, including hand-painted porcelain figurines of its mother-daughter logo. There'll also be notebooks, music boxes, paper weights, and embroidered t-shirts. No word on prices yet. [WWD]
• LVMH bought a large stake in the organic, sustainably-produced clothing company Edun, so PPR is sponsoring — to the tune of 10 million Euros — a film about the environment. [WSJ]
• A pink wireless mouse with gold accents, made by Juicy Couture, costs $55 at Neiman Marcus. Is it terrible that we would have expected it to be more of a rip-off? [FWD]
• Just released is a new issue of WWWWD, the fashion periodical that feels so real it's got to be fake. This edition is all about men, so expect jokes on bromance, Kris Van Assche, Ed Westwick, and a nice rip on Olivier Zahm for good measure. [WWWWD]

[London, June 18. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Catholics in Poland are urging the government there to cancel Madonna's August 15 concert, saying…

The pop star "cannot sing on the religious feast of the Blessed Virgin Mary." But everybody knows she cannot sing on the other 364 days of the year either. [UPI]

• Danny DeVito: drunk in the morning again. He was being interviewed live at 8 AM on Tuesday for a local news show while on the set of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Drunk while filming a comedy show? He's ruining feminism. [Perez Hilton]
• Michael Jackson may have messed up the Jackson family reunion concert that was in the works by allegedly breaching the contract his manager signed with an entertainment company who is suing Jackson for $40 million. So far, the rest of the family are keeping their noses out of the mess. [TMZ, USA Today]
• But Jacko can still moonwalk…or so he says…through a hospital mask. [TMZ]
• Ed McMahon has seemingly lost his battle to save his home from foreclosure. His house will be auctioned off by the bank in late June. [Radar]
• Kendra Wilkinson is pregnant and her former-Girls Next Door co-star Bridget Marquardt is throwing the baby shower. Judging from the housewarming present she gave Kendra, we can't wait to see what the layette set will have printed on it. [Us]
• Chris Brown's lawyer went to the California appeals court today to ask that his trial—for the alleged assault of Rihanna—be delayed. The judge denied the request, and the trial is still set for June 22. [TMZ]
• Life-size cardboard cutouts of Brad Pitt dressed as police officer have been placed by the most dangerous intersections in the city of Omsk, as a way to handle Siberia's speeding problem. According to Omsk officials, it's working. [Mirror]
• Myleene Klass, one of the hosts of I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! had to be rescued by Costa Rican hotel staff after she accidentally glued herself to the bed. [ONTD]
• Phil Spector's infamous large court hair was a wig!? He's bald in this mugshot, taken last week. [TSG]
• Shia LaBeouf gets his sense of humor where most people get their nightmares: From seeing his parents have sex. [Just Jared]
• Even more nightmare material: When Shia was 2 his dad would dress him up as a clown and make him walk around the neighborhood. How is this guy not a serial killer? [Parade]
• Shanna Moakler wants her job back as pageant director for Miss California USA now that proponent of opposite marriage Carrie Prejean got the boot. [TMZ]
• Hank Azaria and his girlfriend had a baby boy over the weekend. [People]
• "Obsessed" will be the first single released (on June 16) from Mariah Carey's new album—awesomely titled—Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel. [Rolling Stone]
• Mel Gibson and his soon-to-be-ex-wife Robyn have filed a joint request in court to keep the financial details of their divorce private. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan is off the hook for that misdemeanor charge of aggravated harassment. [Yahoo]
• Sonja Norwood (aka the mother of Brandy and Ray J) filed a lawsuit against Kim Kardashian for allegedly using the Norwood family's credit card without permission when Kim was hired as Brandy's stylist. The lawsuit was dismissed. [People]
• Beyoncé in post-apocalyptic armor singing "If I Were a Boy" duet-style with George Michael goes from Beyond Thunderdome to beyond gay. It's hard to wrap one's head around this gender fuck, no matter how much weave is available. [WoW]
• Breaking: Nancy Pelosi and Owen Wilson had dinner at the D.C. restaurant Cafe Milano…at different tables. They didn't talk to each other or anything. [Politico]
• Bai Ling will play a hooker in Love Ranch—a film about the first legal brothel in Nevada, starring Helen Mirren—despite the fact the that she had her back to the camera during her screen test because she was in a "bad mood." [Daily Express]
• Keira Knightley and Colin Farrell have signed on to star in London Boulevard, the directorial debut of Oscar-winning screenwriter William Monahan. [THR]
• A Broadway revival of Babes in Arms is in the works, with Rosie O'Donnell as the star. [UPI]
• Sherri Shepherd is all pissed off that she can't eat the skin on a chicken leg, per her nutritionist's orders. She's trying to get a "bathing suit body" to reveal on The View by August 6. She's lost four pounds so far. [People]
• Hugh Grant tried to kick a paparazzo in the balls. The photog sold the footage, of course. [TMZ]
• Matthew McConaughey swears his bachelor days are over now that he has a child with his girlfriend. He referred to his family as a "tribe," so we're thinking that his naked-bongo days are still going strong. [Daily Express]
• Monica Seles is dating a cranky old billionaire—30 years her senior—who doesn't like paying taxes. [Wonkette]
• The record-breaking ratings of the premiere of Edie Falco's Nurse Jackie Monday night were so impressive that Showtime has already ordered a second season. [Women and Hollywood]
• Blind Item: "Which top-selling artist purportedly had his new single cut from some radio stations playlists in retaliation for supporting royalties for musicians?" (The article goes on to say that it's probably Bono.) [USA Today]
• Bono and The Edge wrote the music and lyrics for the Broadway musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, and Bono likens himself to a superhero, natch. [Rolling Stone]
• "Mommy breastfed all three of you. You guys took all my milk, so now mommy's just getting the milk put back inside." Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice's explanation to her daughters about her new buh-bees. Don't go putting silicone in your coffee, girls! [People]
• "I went through this stage where I would just go out, not be responsible, not focus on work or class, and my management was like, 'Listen, you could go either way. You could be this person - I won't name names - a reality show actress. Or you could go this way - award-winning actress.' That was a real shock." - Twilight's Ashley Greene doesn't want to be like Paris Hilton. [Nylon]
• "So many means of expression are being explored in TV through women who are fully mature, in the prime of their lives, feeling experienced and able to express who they are. We're not 21. It's really exciting, in that these opportunities are kind of unprecedented. Glenn Close, Kyra Sedgwick, Mary McCormick, Mary Louise Parker, a show like United States of Tara—women are exploring all kinds of new aspects of themselves." - Holly Hunter [HuffPo]
• "I like when she demonstrates how to transport a potted plant while wearing Hermes pants and uses enough packing material to move a whole house. But we're just moving one plant. Really you just put the plant in a truck and go." - Alexis Stewart on her mom Martha. [AP]
• "I probably won't watch [The Hills]. I'm not a huge TV person." - author Lauren Conrad. [E!]

[London, May 7. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Tyra Banks will be in court this week; she's expected to testify in the trial of her alleged stalker, Brady Green.

How weird will it be to be face-to-face with the guy? Oh, and get this: Green's lawyer's argument is that Tyra is to blame. "She invites fans that are inspired by her show to reach out to her," defense lawyer Sydney O'Hagen said in opening arguments at Green's trial. "Mr. Green was a fan, albeit perhaps an overzealous fan." Green allegedly sent flowers and love letters to Tyra, and then when an employee of her talk show refused to give him the address of the studio over the phone, Green said: "You're fucking lying, I'm going to find you and slit your throat." [NY Daily News, NY Post, AP]

• Casey Aldridge, the father of Jamie Lynn Spears' baby, was injured in a car accident yesterday; he was taken to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries. [Breitbart]
• This report claims that Casey Aldridge has a "cracked skull." [NY Post]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's wedding had a "spring feeling," meaning the colors were green and yellow and people drank margaritas while eating appetizers like tuna tartare and chicken salad. No one noticed the glowering specter in the corner, the one named "In The Grand Scheme These People Are Irrelevant." [People]
• Miss California, Carrie Prejean, received a "hero's welcome" when appearing at a San Diego megachurch. "'You need to apologize to the gay community. You need to not talk about your faith. This has everything to do with you representing California and saving the brand,'" Prejean recalled being told. "I was representing California. I was representing the majority of people in California." She also said: "I learned that God has a bigger crown than any man can give you." [AP]
• Clearcast, a TV company in the UK, wants to cut scenes from Keira Knightley's domestic violence ad before it is broadcast; specifically, the scenes where the actress is being thrown to the ground and kicked — the organization believes it is too violent. [Telegraph]
• The Sanskrit tattoo on Rihanna's hip is misspelled, but the tattoo artist says she wouldn't care: "It's copied off of a necklace that she got from somebody important to her," he explains. [UPI]
• Actress Vanessa A. Williams — not to be confused with Ugly Betty's Vanessa L. Williams — is using Rihanna's name on an invitation to a violence-prevention event. Rihanna is not involved with the organization, but the copy reads: "On February 8th, when famed singer Rihanna was allegedly beaten by her boyfriend, she was not alone." [Page Six]
• Susan Boyle auditioned for a TV show 14 years ago, and was rejected. [Daily Mail]
• Guy Ritchie has purchased a house 200 yards from Madonna's London mansion, putting him "as close as possible" to the kids. In addition, a source says Guy laughed when he found out that her Madgesty's new man, Jesus Luz, speaks very little English, saying: "Blimey, no wonder the whole thing works so perfectly." [The Sun]
• Is Jesus Luz only getting modeling jobs because of his relationship with Madonna? [Page Six]
• This paper claims Amy Winehouse is being called the "Pied Piper Of St. Lucia," since she loves hanging out with kids. But you get the feeling that the only person calling her that is whomever wrote this story. [The Sun]
• Henry Ian Cusick, aka Desmond on Lost, is being sued by a former ABC Entertainment employee for sexual harassment. He's been married for 3 years after being with his wife for 14 years and the couple has 3 sons. [Daily Mail]
• Apparently two high school guys saw Kate Winslet in her workout gear and commented on her "big hot booty." [Page Six]
• "Every Friday that he's shooting a movie, Hugh Jackman comes to work with a bag full of lottery tickets. He gives them to everyone who works on his movies: co-stars, camera crews, set hands, the people who cater the food. He doesn't play." [USA Today]
• Miley Cyrus says that she and Nick Jonas are just friends and not back together — if you heard that he is her boyfriend it is just a "stupidddd rumor." She Twittered: "It makes me sad to think that people out there aren't friends with THEIR ex bf, because let me tell u it IS possible." [People]
• Jennifer Hudson performed a concert in her hometown of Chicago — her first since her mother, brother and nephew were killed there. She didn't talk about the murders but did dedicate "You Pulled Me Though" to family members in the audience. [UPI]
• Will you look at the way Tina is looking at Beyoncé? It is soooo "tired mom." [Concrete Loop]
• Speaking of Beyoncé, guess who has another hit flick? Obsessed was number one at the box office with $28 million. [MSNBC Scoop, NY Daily News]
• Surely this will come as shocking, shocking news: The ladies of The Real Housewives Of New Jersey have ties to the mob. [NY Daily News]
• If you're a dedicated fan, get your credit card ready: Various props from the newest George Clooney flick, Up In The Air, are going up for sale. [UPI]
• Kobe Bryant demanded creative control over the documentary Spike Lee filmed of the basketball star, and an insider claims "Spike completely yielded." [Page Six]
• Jon Hamm and ladyfriend Jennifer Westfeldt have formed a production company named Points West Pictures. They have 3 projects in development and all will feature at least one of the couple. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Jamie Foxx has recorded a message for Nineline, a crisis helpline run by Convenant House, the agency which works with homeless kids. Says a spokesperson: "Now kids in crisis will not only hear a reassuring voice but a well-known, positive role model." [Hollywood Reporter]
• If you're interested in reading an essay about Mike Tyson written by Ice-T, click here. [The Daily Beast]
• There's tension and "cattiness" in the Pussycat Dolls; in a recent concert, Melody said: "Thank you so much for supporting me - even if I'm not featured, you know what I'm saying?" [NY Daily News]
• Katy Perry and Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes: Back on. [Gatecrasher]
• Kate Walsh's divorce is getting nasty — there's a quibble over the accounting firm Walsh is using, which her estranged husband Alex Young says is doing PR for Walsh. [TMZ]
• Daniel Radcliffe is the "12th richest young person in the UK." He's got more cash than Princes William and Harry! [Telegraph]
• If you have $27,9995,000, you can buy the Holmby Hills house of Kimberly and Hugh Hefner. [LA Times]
• Yes, yes, James Franco's student films are inspired by gay poetry. [NY Mag]
• Ugly Betty returns this week, ending the rumor that the show was cancelled. [NY Daily News]
• Liam Neeson and his sons are "keeping busy with normal life" — like going to Knicks games. [People, Mirror]
• In this article, Dominic Monaghan spills on all of his travel memories. He says: "I do remember a fantastic holiday to Thailand with Billy Boyd and Orlando Bloom in my early twenties. We were all single, young and up for an adventure. We went to Bangkok then took off to the islands." [Independent]
• Curious what's up with Michael Keaton? He's directed a film, The Merry Gentlemen. And he's broken his foot. [LA Times]
• In a lengthy interview, Natasha McElhone talks about dealing with grief since the death of her husband one year ago. [Guardian]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood, 61, plans to marry his girlfriend Ekaterina, 20, just as soon as he can get a "speedy" divorce from his wife, Jo, 54. [Mirror]
• Actor Campbell Scott got engaged in November, but we're just hearing about it now? Eh, congrats. [People]
• "Kylie Minogue and Richard Branson lose money but make UK rich list." [News.com.au]
• Aerosmith will perform on Maui to settle a class-action lawsuit resulting from a concert cancellation in 2007. [AP]
• "He was renowned for wearing grandpa-style spectacles but it now emerges that John Lennon's iconic look came about by accident…" [Daily Express]
• Blind item! "Which alcoholic songbird wears her sunglasses even inside her hair salon so no one can see how sauced she is?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I love her. It's great for her. It's what she wanted." — Josh Lucas on ex-girlfriend Salma Hayek getting married in Venice on Saturday. [People]
• "Tax got to 82% [in the 1970s] and I thought this was kind of unfair. Also, I see... that the government has taken it up to 50% and if it goes to 51 I will be back in America. I will not pay the Government more than I get. No way, ever. So they've reached their limit with me. That's the lot." — Michael Caine. [Telegraph]
• "I did read a scene for the Coen brothers last year, which they were amazed I would do. I was amazed they were amazed because apparently there's a whole etiquette I'm not aware of that says if you've been in a couple of films, you don't read. Which I find very strange, because how are the filmmakers supposed to know whether you can do it or not? I was very happy to read." — Tilda Swinton, when asked if she has ever auditioned for a role. [Backstage]
• "Life's a pain in the butt. You've got to be in shape for it. And the hell with the good old days. The most important thing is now. What are you this moment?" — Jack LaLanne, who still works out every day for two hours, lifting weights and swimming, at age 94. [Reuters]
• "I knew it was a joke. I knew it was supposed to be silly. Something like that I don't even take seriously. I thought it was hilarious." — Beyoncé, on the "screeching" clip made by prankster Matthew Zeghibe. [Gatecrasher]
• "I was raised in the country. When it was warm outside we were out there in shorts, no shirt, no shoes. I was doing that long before anybody was taking pictures and people like you were seeing it." — Matthew McConaughey. [Newsweek]
• "I know I've never done any independent film before…but there aren't that many other scripts out there with great parts for women my age. It's a true phenomenon that the parts dwindle as you get older. You wake up one day and you're flabbergasted to find out…so, this has happened to me. When I started out," she continues, "It was right around the time when Meryl Streep and Jessica Lange and Sally Field-all these actresses getting older-were still having big movies every year. There was a Sophie's Choice, a Norma Rae, etc. I thought, this is a new era, and I won't have to worry. It will all be fixed by the time I'm 40! And of course, it wasn't. All of us female actors think we can just keep going and going. But it's not always the case." — Geena Davis. [The Daily Beast]
• "We know so much about every actor on planet Earth. We know how they like to slice their avocado, what they named their baby. When I'm watching them save the world in a movie, I don't want to be thinking about their baby's name. I will now go on record to say I'm not going to even name my kid." — Ryan Reynolds. [NY Mag]

[London, April 23. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Sadness: Slumdog Millionaire actress Rubina Ali has allegedly been placed up for adoption sale by her father, who offered the girl to an undercover reporter posing as a sheik for roughly 270,000 pounds. [DailyMail]

• Ali's father, Rafiq Qureshi, blames the Slumdog Millionaire producers for forcing him to go to such extreme measures, as the family was never properly compensated for Ali's role in the film: "They haven't looked after us. They gave some money at the start but they gave us nothing afterwards. They gave us around 150,000 rupees (£2,040). They've been talking about giving us a house, but all they do is talk," he says, "What they showed in the film is exactly how life is here. The government doesn't help us. We get nothing. We live in one room, seven of us sleep on the floor. I earn £2 to £3 a day. I have to consider what's best for me, my family and Rubina's future." [NewsoftheWorld]
• According to News of the World, however: "In fact Danny Boyle and producer Christian Colson have set up a trust to ensure Rubina gets a proper education, is well housed and receives support dealing with media attention." [Newsofthe World]
• Save the Children has already condemned the father's actions and "urged the Indian government to sign up to the International Labour Organisation's convention to help abolish child labour and trafficking." [DailyMail]
• Madonna has already been released from the hospital after being hospitalized last night for the "minor injuries and bruises" she received after falling while horseback riding. [People]
• Madonna's spokeswoman, Liz Rosenberg, says the paparazzi is to blame for the accident: "The accident occurred when the horse Madonna was riding was startled by paparazzi who jumped out of the bushes to photograph the singer." [E!]
• Keira Knightley says it's tough to balance a relationship and a movie career: "I think you've got to strive for balance. It's the striving that counts. If you're someone like me, who has always been very driven, to suddenly step back and decide, 'Well, love is the only thing', then you need to build up your relationships." [DailyExpress]
• Blind Item: "Which actor needs to give his nose a break? His coke-heavy ‘model parties' have already sent him to the hospital once recently, but he can't stop being host to starlets." [BlindGossip]
• Matthew McConaughey won't be getting married anytime soon: "It's not an institution I'm against at all," he says "I'm actually for it, believe in it and have seen it actually be very, very healthy for many relationships. Some people go through it some great ways. I don't have any plans for it." [People]
• Kelly Osbourne, on the other hand, does want to get married, just not in Las Vegas: ""Vegas is way too tacky," she says, "I'd prefer to get married in London, as I have family and friends here." [ShowbizSpy]
• Beyonce will be doing a guest spot on the children's television show Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! [DailyExpress]
• "As long as I can remember, when I was a little kid I have always been conscious that we are here for a limited period. Not really fearing death at all, but as a little boy I did resent it. I thought it was unfair because there are so many things to do and adventures to have. And as an adult you realise you can never read all the good books. You can't even see all the good plays or movies or travel to all the places you want to see. It's impossible. I don't resent my mortality any more."-Viggo Mortensen[Guardian]
• "Everyone thinks I'm nuts because I speak the truth and I'm very outspoken," said Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills during a speech to vegetarians Saturday."The meat industry hate me, the dairy industry hate me, the Beatle industry, the landmine industry. So I have a lot of enemies out there. But I also have a huge amount of support."- Heather Mills [ShowbizSpy]
• Amy Winehouse is back in the Caribbean and reportedly dating a waiter named Junior: "Amy has been letting her hair down on the island and is enjoying being single. She instantly clicked with Junior and is just having a bit of fun," says a source, "It's very early days but she loves spending time with him." [DailyExpress]
• Mario Lopez is planning on writing a children's book. What do you think the title will be? [Publishers Weekly]
• A producer originally dismissed Drew Barrymore as a contender for the role of Little Edie Beale in Grey Gardens, but Drew's agents insisted she be given a shot, and, of course, she won the part. [NYPost]
• Is Jennifer Aniston dating Gerard Butler? "They had a fling at the Toronto Film Festival last year but it was all kept very quiet," says a source, "Now Jennifer's single again, she's no longer keeping her admiration for him secret." [DailyMail]
• Marcia Brady's nose was broken earlier this morning by her dumb brothers Greg and Peter, who were playing football and accidentally sent a pass into her face. Now she'll never be a teen model!

Though anchor Chris Cuomo points out that the leading cause of injury for women is domestic violence, advertising executive Jerry Della Femina doesn't think we should actually have to watch a man kicking Knightley in the PSA. "Couldn't they just show his face as he's kicking? No you had to see it," said Femina. He goes on to suggest that the people who made the ad just wanted to win an award, adding, "I don't think it's going to help anybody." Clip at left.

Earlier: Keira Knightley Beaten In Domestic Violence Ad

[Calgary airport, March 26. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Amy Winehouse seems to be getting used to the idea that her marriage to estranged husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, is over. "I don't think I'll ever see him again," Amy posted on her Facebook page.[TheSun]

• In what was most likely an awesome scene, Harrison Ford and Al Pacino were spotted at a birthday dinner, performing each other's most famous movie lines. [PageSix]
• Nadya Suleman is dealing with the stress of having 14 kids by...not dealing with it, apparently. "I'm using denial...it's a defense mechanism. I keep telling my head and rationalizing over and over that next week that [interest in my life] is going to die down." [USWeekly]
• "The websites, the gossip pages, and all of that stuff have hurt my career – they're like the Burn Books of Hollywood… but I really don't feel like I should have to prove myself to anyone because of living out my college years in the public eye."-Lindsay Lohan [DailyMail]
• Matthew Nolan, brother of The Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan, is facing murder and kidnapping charges. [DailyExpress]
• The Rihanna/Chris Brown incident has been reenacted for an online PSA that encourages teens to speak out against dating violence. [TheSun]
• Kellan Lutz says his New Moon co-star, Robert Pattinson, is actually quite shy. "His accent and his crazy hairdo get the girls swooning," Lutz says, "Rob's kind of shy, and he does this thing, when he's really shy, or when someone asks him something, he lowers his head down and the girls love it!" [ShowbizSpy]
• "I don't watch my own films-or I watch them once, but I don't replay them a lot-so I don't go, "Ooh, you look crap from that angle, I must make sure that I'm not going to do a scene from there." I don't do that, which I think would hugely affect future performances. I think the process evolves, and sometimes it's going to get better, and sometimes it's going to get worse, and just because you've been good in one film doesn't mean you're going to be good in the next. It's about collaboration. It's about the people you're working with."-Keira Knightley [AVClub]
• The real name of M.I.A.'s baby has been released: Ikhyd Edgar Arular Bronfman. [TMZ]
• Is there going to be a wedding on Lost? [E!]
• Blind item: "Which egotistical household-name celebrity shouldn't be so proud of his latest fragrance? The cosmetics company that created it had already rejected the formula as being inferior, but quickly dusted off the recipe when he came knocking with a licensing opportunity." [Blind Gossip]
• And yet another Disney star is caught in a racist photo scandal: Joe Jonas is now apologizing for pictures that are circulating of him "slanting his eyes", much like Miley Cyrus did earlier this year. [USWeekly]
• The Smashing Pumpkins founding drummer Jimmy Chamberlin has left the band, leaving Billy Corgan as the only original member in the "reunited" band. [Reuters]
• Katy Perry got a special surprise from a chimpanzee during a photo shoot: ""Jeremy Scott is one of my all time favorites and he shot the pictures while I got to prance around in his creations," Perry says, "I had a chimp on set with me that day. Fun fact, she peed all over me, I had to take a silkwood shower in the middle of shooting." [ShowbizSpy]
• A major character on a popular television show is going to commit suicide in a shocking turn of events. But who? And from what show? [EW]

• Lindsay Lohan won't be in court today to respond to a warrant for her arrest, but her lawyer will be there. The attorney claims it's all a misunderstanding, to which we say: Sure, sure. [AP]

• Lindsay Lohan's dad is "concerned" for his daughter: "I've said it before and I'll say it again — she has to be careful of the people around her. I worry about any of those negative elements in her life." Is one of those negative elements you, sir? [Extra]
• Lindsay Lohan's warrant seems to be due to her missing or being late to one of her alcohol education classes, which she must take as part of her probation. LL blames the paparazzi for making it impossible to show up on time. [TMZ]
• Six women were injured and three people were arrested and charged with inciting a riot at the America's Next Top Model stampede on Saturday. [NY Post]
• Lily Allen has filed charges against photographers who allegedly rear-ended her car; this comes after she punched one of the dudes. [E!]
• Here are pictures of Mel Gibson "frolicking in the surf" in Costa Rica with a woman who is not his wife. [Daily Mail, RadarOnline]
• Jennifer Aniston is telling friends she dumped John Mayer after he "went cold" after the Oscars. Sound like he did the passive-aggressive breakup thing. [The Sun]
• Rihanna may star in a remake of the Whitney Houston/Kevin Costner flick The Bodyguard? Why, Hollywood, why? [Gatecrasher]
• This is interesting: The Rihanna/Chris Brown duet was just an old demo. "Nothing has been recorded by Chris and Rihanna since February," says an unnamed source. [NY Daily News]
• Twilight's Robert Pattinson was overheard telling a fellow Brit, "I can't get laid [in N.Y.C.]" Sparkly vampires are so last year. [Gatecrasher]
• Pattinson had to "do all this naked stuff" for a man-on-man sex scene for his new Dali movie. He admits: "In a lot of ways, I was kind of crossing lines of what I thought I was comfortable doing." [Mirror]
• Drew Barrymore and Justin Long were seen making out at a bar in Hollywood one night, and laughing and smiling while eating sushi the next. That is not a euphemism. They're back on! [Just Jared]
• The first of Nadya Suleman's octuplets could be home tomorrow. [People]
• Ryan Reynolds says it took months and months to prepare for his role in Wolverine: "When you think about it like that, it's vaguely depressing," he says. "But when you actually do it, it's worth it when you see on the screen that's me and it's not a stunt person, and I'm doing the whole thing." [LA Times]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's trainer, Tracy Anderson, is having trouble getting people to join her gym. Maybe because membership is $4,500 a month? [Perez]
• Tracy Anderson says of her pupils, "Madonna never slacks off. She's like a gym nerd. Gwyneth is cheekier than Madonna, that's for sure. Some days she'll be like, 'Do I have to do cardio?'" [Mirror]
• This report claims Madonna works out so hard and and gets regular glyco peels on her face because she wants to look like her daughter. Yeah, right. [Daily Express]
• Speaking of Madonna, her new man, Jesus Luz, is moving in. [Mirror]
• And! He is macrobiotic now, thanks to her Madgesty. [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile, clashing schedules mean Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin won't see each other for weeks. Alert the media! [Daily Mail]
• Is there a cash prize on Dancing With The Stars? Because Lil' Kim owes $1 million in state and federal taxes, ouch. [UPI]
• Check out this profile of Paul Rudd, in which he says: "I went through a phase where I thought it was really funny to make pratfalls in very crowded places. And I jumped out of a moving car once for a laugh. That was a mistake." [NY Times]
• The promoter behind Michael Jackson's upcoming concerts says "He's 50 but he's going to dance his ass off." Also: "If Mike gets too nervous to go on, I'll throw him over my shoulder and carry him on stage. He's light enough." [Telegraph]
• There's already a Michael Jackson ticket-scalping scandal. [WSJ]
• And! Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch is about to be sold. [Fox 411]
• "Rob Lowe has been carpeted by bosses for being too orange." [The Sun]
• Robin Thicke will be touring with Jennifer Hudson and says that the tour will be "cathartic" for her. "I think it's going to be the perfect thing for her to do, to get out there and get outside her head and feel the love she's been getting. She's a special lady." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Gossip Girl's Jessica Szohr dropped by the set just to say hi to her boyf, Ed Westwick. [Gatecrasher]
• Kristen Stewart's gushing about the new Twilight movie: "To see them cope without each other and to see this character Jacob, who is supposed to represent light and warmth and he pulls her out of a rut that's like seemingly impossible — it's really tragic. Like, I can't wait to see Taylor's [Lautner] face when I tell him, 'It's him, it's always been him,'" she says. [LA Times]
• Keira Knightley will not be in the next Pirates Of The Caribbean flick, saying: "It was a completely fantastic experience, and it was an amazingly large portion of my life, but I don't think I need to go there again. I think that it's done." So who will be the leading lady in the film? We need to know, since Russell Brand may be playing Johnny Depp's brother! [Mirror]
• This profile of Kat Von D has a quote from a 12-year-old fan, who says: "I like how she says her tattoos are everything she's been through." [WaPo]
• Whoa, Rhys Ifans looks totally different and dare we say hot in these pictures. When he was dating Sienna Miller he looked like a vagrant. [Daily Mail]
• Rumors about Liz Hurley's marriage continue to circle; today it's that she is "more like a boss than a wife." Wait, is that bad? [Daily Mail]
• Liz Hurley's mother-in-law denies the rumors that Liz and her husband have broken up: "This is just gossip. That's all I can say. I don't like commenting on family matters in public." [Telegraph]
• Charlie Sheen's wife had twins Saturday night; the first kids for her and Charlie's fourth and fifth. [Star]
• Heather Mills bought a seafood restaurant in Hove, East Sussex, and plants on making it vegan. [Daily Mail]
• MC Hammer is being sued for not delivering a book on fatherhood to his publisher. Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em. [Mirror]
• What's cooking with Gordon Ramsay? He has been taken to court over unpaid debts three times in a month. [Daily Mail]
• British reality star Jade Goody is "near death." Do you get the feeling the papers are circling like vultures? [NY Times]
• Aww, the movie industry nursing home is closing by the end of the year. [UPI]
• R.I.P. Ron Silver, whom you may have known as Bruno Gianelli on The West Wing. [NY Post]
• Blind item! "Which songbird's hard-up husband is having a hard time paying off her $500,000 engagement ring? He tried to stiff the jeweler and when finally threatened with a lawsuit, said he'd pay - on an installment plan." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rehabbed starlet's wallet turned up in the Financial District, with her driver's license, black American Express card and several bags of blow?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Nine months ago at the conception I pulled all my best moves - I used new style. Apparently it's all about temperature so the windows were open. We'll see what happens." — Jamie Oliver, who is hoping his unborn child will be a boy. [The Sun]
• "I don't think there was one dinner that I ever cooked my kids that wasn't burnt because I was always on the phone, because teatime came when America was buzzing. When it was noon in New York, it would be 5pm at home in England, and the phone would be going nuts. You know, they go on about women juggling, well, my theory is that something always has to give, and, in my case, it was my kids." — Sharon Osbourne. [Daily Mail]
• "I find that word so unconstrained and unsophisticated. I don't know if you are referring to The Sun newspaper's Shagger Of The Year title, which I've been awarded three consecutive times now. It ranks among my finest achievements along with my British comedy awards and other accolades. I continue to live as a single man might but I certainly don't do anything as vulgar as shagging." — Russell Brand, on being called a champion shagger. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "Children are so cute and talkative when you get them out of bed, vulnerable blabbermouths, but when they get older they talk less. As the days fly past, it's only going to be a few more years that he likes me. Maybe he'll always love me, but he might not always want to be around me – he might not always like me. He's borderline embarrassed by me already, so…" — Sarah Jessica Parker, on spending time helping her son get dressed in the morning. [Daily Mail]
• "Finding someone that you like, or who likes you, is always difficult at my age. But being famous complicates things much more. I suppose that some boys feel a bit intimidated by me and stay on their guard." — Emma Watson, who is about to turn 19. [Telegraph]
• "My teeth are capped and I had the fat removed from under my chin. That's basically why I have the goatee because it covers the scar. And my nose was straightened. Then they took the heaviness out of my eyelids. Thank God the plastic surgeon said you've got to be careful, you've still got to look like you. But I've stopped dying my hair, that's it now. I never did it before because it would have been a salt-and-pepper look, which wasn't good. But the older I've got, the whiter my hair has got and I like it." — Tom Jones. [Mirror]
• "I never watch my [movies]. I make an album and then maybe 10 years later, I hear a thing or two. If I walk into somebody's house or a department store, I always say, 'Can you please turn that off?' Because I spend so much time on it, before it's released, that once it's released it's on its own. I really don't want to listen to it." — Barbra Streisand. (Yentl is now on DVD!) [Newsweek]
• "I want to very badly. But I want to get it right. We are definitely on band practice. There are a lot of performances in the movie." — Kristen Stewart, on singing while playing Joan Jett in new movie Runaways. [LA Times]
• "How this IVF rumor started, I really, really have no idea. But I can tell you that it is definitely not happening in the near future…It's great that Ellen and I are a gay couple and people are open-minded enough to talk about us having a family. The only thing I'm trying to avoid by denying it is, I just don't want those horrible pictures in magazines where they circle your stomach and point and go 'baby bump!' " — Portia de Rossi. [LA Times]
• "I went to a pitch meeting for a show last year and the guy in the office asked me why is it that people do drag? And I said why is it that more people don't do drag? What in our culture keeps us from dressing up and using all the colors in the creative box? The answer to that question is we grow up in a fear culture that says blacks go there, and Jews go there, and it's really interesting that we inflict these margins and parameters on our lives. I have to credit drag with helping me tear down a lot of those walls. Once you tear down one wall its like, you know what, we could have a really great room if we tore down all of these." — RuPaul. [The Daily Beast]
• "Bad behaviour makes men more glamorous. Women get destroyed, thrown out of society and locked up in institutions. My mother had me locked up in an insane asylum the first time I told her I was doing drugs. A really heavy place. Mick [Jagger] came and got me out." — Marianne Faithfull. [Telegraph]

• A $50,000 warrant has been issued for the arrest of Lindsay Lohan in connection with her May 2007 DUI arrest. The police are not releasing specifics, but hope that Lohan will "surrender herself." [TMZ]

• The Beverly Hills Police Department has issued this statement: "In response to media inquiries, [the] Beverly Hills Police Department is confirming a warrant was in fact issued today [March 13] for the arrest of Lindsay Lohan. The $50,000 warrant issued by the Beverly Hills Superior Court stems from a May 2007 arrest of Miss Lohan for DUI and hit-and-run. The circumstances leading to the issuance of the warrant by the court are not readily available at this time. It is our hope that Miss Lohan will surrender herself so that this matter will be resolved in a timely manner."[USWeekly]
• You may not have to hear that alleged Chris Brown and Rihanna duet after all: "Chris and [producer] Polow da Don wrote a song together," the source says, "Around August or September of 2008, Chris and Rihanna recorded a demo of that song. What they recorded were just reference vocals. There is no duet, and nothing has been recorded together since February."[JustJared]
• Katy Perry says she's not interested in the paparazzi: ""I don't ever do anything to try and bring it upon myself.There are ten thousand other restaurants besides the Ivy. I'm not obsessed with getting my picture taken. You know there's just so much taken out of context. There's so much nit-picking. I turned my data alerts off."[ShowbizSpy]
• Khloe Kardashian has some klassy words for Jeff Eldridge, the West Virginia lawmaker attempting to pass a Barbie ban: "He can suck an egg, seriously. He's probably butt-ugly and always wanted a girlfriend that looked like Barbie but could never get one. People like that really annoy me." [FoxNews]
• Keira Knightley's swashbuckling days are apparently behind her: the actress won't be back for Pirates of the Caribbean 4: "It was a completely fantastic experience, and it was an amazingly large portion of my life, but I don't think I need to go there again. I think that it's done. But I'm very excited to see the next one."[Cinematical]
• Krista Barth, who once represented Howard K. Stern, says Stern is being punished based on media speculation and not facts: "The television, tabloid and Internet trial of Mr. Stern in the court of public opinion has been based on sensational lies, speculation, rumor and gossip," Barth says, "Unfortunately, it appears that criminal charges have now been brought by the state of California based on this same type of misinformation." [People]
• Robert Pattinson struggled to film a gay sex scene for his upcoming film, Little Ashes. ""[The hardest part was] trying to do it doggie-style. Trying to have a nervous breakdown while doing it doggie-style," Pattinson says, "And it wasn't even a closed set. There were all these Spanish electricians giggling to themselves."[ShowbizSpy]
• Former WWE wrestler Andrew Martin, better known as Test, has been found dead at the age of 33. [ONTD]
• Michael Jackson impersonator Navi is denying charges that it was he, and not MJ, who showed up at the wacky press conference announcing Jackson's upcoming tour. "That was Michael Jackson, I'd stake my life on it,' Navi says, "He is so reclusive, most people don't know what he really looks like. When he's not on stage, he does walk with a slight hunch. If that wasn't Michael Jackson, I might as well give up - because it means there must be someone out there who's better than me." [DailyMail]
• "People say to me, "Madonna must really boss you around" and I tell them "No! She's the most docile, sweet, quiet little student. She'll follow everything I want. Madonna never slacks off. She's like a gym nerd." -Madonna's trainer, Tracy Anderson.[Mirror]
• Mandy Moore's iPod goes up for sale for charity soon, and shock of shocks! There are no Ryan Adams songs on it. 10 bucks says Ryan doesn't have "Candy" on his iPod, either. [PageSix]
• Is Clive Owen the new Cary Grant? I love them both, but, uh, no. [TimesOnline]
• "I just really think that when people really understand that this is a human rights issue and that there are a percentage of people living in this country that don't have the same rights as everybody else, I think that people will be compelled to make sure that they live in a country where every single citizen has the same rights."-Portia de Rossi on Prop 8. [LATimes]
• Matt Lauer's Where In The World Is Matt Lauer? series has been cancelled due to the poor economy. Meanwhile, Carmen Sandiego is still on the loose, Gumshoes! [USWeekly]

• John Mayer did not, repeat did not buy an engagement ring for Jennifer Aniston. [Us Magazine]

• In fact: John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston may have broken up. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Brad Pitt: Considering public office? [Variety]
• Chris Brown pulled out of the Kids' Choice Awards of his own accord; Nickelodeon didn't make the decision. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Chris Brown is firing his manager and looking for a "whole new team." An insider claims he wanted to apologize for the beating earlier and was advised not to… [Page Six]
• Rihanna went out clubbing in West Hollywood Tuesday night. [Concrete Loop]
• "Julia was all smiles for fans and stopped to do a few autographs, but as soon as she stepped inside the cinema her mood changed. She shouted at photographers to leave her alone then asked staff to bring her a glass of champagne before she would answer any questions." — From a spywitness report on Julia Roberts' behavior at the Duplicty premiere in London. [The Sun]
• Here, Julia Roberts dishes on 10 of her favorite leading men. [EW]
• A French "society" magazine is reporting that Prince William will marry Kate Middleton this summer. ZOMG royal wedding askjdkfflasjdk!!! [Daily Mail]
• A hospital official inspected Nadya Suleman's new house yesterday, to insure that it is safe for the octuplets. The babies will be released, two at a time, any day now. [E!]
• Noted marijuana enthusiast Michael Phelps has been interviewed by Matt Lauer; look for footage on the Today show on Friday and Sunday on Dateline. [ET]
• Jesus Luz is back in Rio. He claims he has "always" been interested in kabbalah, before ever meeting Madonna. He's going to be in Brazil for a month while waiting for his work visa, then back to New York! [Made In Brazil]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie have come to a custody agreement regarding the kids: Rocco and David will live with Madge but guy will get regular visits and see the children in the UK during the holidays. [The Sun]
• If you miss Project Runway, Heidi Klum thinks you should do something about it: "I think that people should be demonstrating outside of [company co-chairman] Harvey Weinstein's house. If it were up to me, it would be on by now." [MSNBC]
• Prince has decided that Prince will appear on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno four times, coinciding with the release of Prince's albums, LotUSFLOW3R and MPLSoUND. Oh, and also coinciding with the last time Leno hosts. [ET]
• Ricky Gervais to appear on the finale episode of The Office? [Mirror]
• Early buzz on Sacha Baron Cohen's new flick, Bruno: "Shocking, jaw-dropping and TOTALLY FUCKING HILARIOUS." [Mother Jones]
• Joaquin Phoenix was rapping at a Miami Beach nightclub when someone in the audience started heckling him, so naturally he jumped into the crowd and had some sort of confrontation before being dragged away by security guards. Did Casey Affleck get the whole thing on video? Yes, yes he did. [Yahoo News via AP, Daily Mail]
• Mickey Rourke will be the Russian villain in Iron Man 2. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French spoofed Mamma Mia for Comic Relief and Sienna Miller played the Amanda Seyfried role. Click for the photo, which in itself is funny. [Daily Mail]
• Geri Halliwell dumped her fiancé, but he'd done an interview with an Italian magazine the same day — in which he talked about how much she's "changed his life." Awkward! [The Sun]
• The guy who owns the Beverly Hills mansion where MTV shot the Live From The Hills Season finale says the production company trashed his house. The damage? $158,250.07. Please don't forget the seven cents. [TMZ]
• Balthazar Getty, who recently left Brothers & Sisters, will guest star on an episode of Medium. At least he's working? [EW]
• Kiefer Sutherland used to babysit Gwyneth Paltrow. True story. [The Star]
• 50 Cent and Rick Ross are in a feud and Fiddy's latest move is to release a porn tape featuring Ross's former girlfriend. Classy! [TMZ]
• Lance Bass is a matchmaker. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Jada Pinkett Smith's school is now open, and accepting kids pre-K through sixth grade. Does it have ties with Scientology, you ask? Well, the "study technology" is that developed by L. Ron Hubbard. Pinkett Smith says the school stresses "100 per cent mastery," encouraging students to retake exams until they score 100 per cent. Fun? [Yahoo News via AP]
• Shannen Doherty will return to 90210 for the season finale, if you care. [E!]
• Ashley Jensen is definitely leaving Ugly Betty, because she just got cast as a regular on a new CBS show, Accidentally On Purpose. That's the one where Jenna Elfman plays a movie critic who finds herself "accidentally" knocked up after a fling with a younger man. [EW]
• Beck is playing a charity show tonight, with proceeds going to Educating Children International. Turns out that's a Scientology organization. If you feel icky inside, you're not the only one. [LA Times]
• Jack White of the White Stripes and the Raconteurs has a third band, the Dead Weather. The new group includes Alison Mosshart of The Kills, Dean Fertita of Queens of the Stone Age and Jack Lawrence of The Greenhornes. Album drops in June. [USA Today]
• Handsome devil Chris Cornell has a new album, produced by — wait for it — Timbaland. [Yahoo news via AP]
• Dr. Phil's wife promised some skin care company she'd get them on her husband's show. The company was so psyched, they spent $650,000 on stuff the public would surely be clamoring for. Except the products never made it to the show. So the company is suing. [TMZ]
• Kathy Griffin was booed off the stage at the Apollo Theater in Harlem. [Village Voice]
• Al Reynolds is not getting a reality show, even though he wants one. [Extra]
• If you remember the '90s, then you may remember blond bro rockers Nelson. Well Matthew is getting divorced and asking his wife for spousal support. Yeah. [TMZ]
• Blind item: "Which newly engaged lesbian would be horrified to discover her main squeeze has been sleeping around ... with men?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I've come into my own head a little bit really, being a bit more honest and open, rather than hiding in a crack pipe or wherever and just not turning up most of the time." — Pete Doherty. [The Sun]
• "Artemis has a few really great lines because she plays everything – even the humor – very straight. The one that made me laugh out loud when I read it was when she tells Hippolyta that they shouldn't have let Diana go out into the outside world. Hippolyta asks, 'What could we have done to have stopped her?' And Artemis says, 'Well I could have shot her in the leg with an arrow. Not in an artery, of course.' It's just so deadpan – she wouldn't kill her, but she would've shot her. It's so dry, and it's so honest. And I love that." — Rosario Dawson, on her role in Wonder Woman. [Toon Zone News]
• "It's amazing to me that the tabloids such as the National Enquirer print such negative stories about me and my health when there are so many positive things going on in my life right now. I've started a new chemotherapy and, once again, I am one of the lucky ones with pancreatic cancer that is responding well to the treatment." — Patrick Swayze, who denies he has reached "the end." [People]
• "I'm not quite sure why, but the strongest female characters I've found have predominantly been in period films, more than in modern-day films. At least with the stuff that's been sent to me. I love watching period movies because I think that watching films is about escapism and about fantasy and I find it easier to dive into a fantasy that I don't know anything about, you know, that I don't live day to day. I love that feeling of escapism that period films give me, and that books about different times give me, or paintings give me. But I wasn't setting out to go, 'OK, I'm only going to do period films.' I work in a very instinctual way and I respond to certain things and I have no idea why, but for some reason the last couple of films have all been period." — Keira Knightley, whose new film, Edge Of Love, is set in the 1940s and depicts the poet Dylan Thomas. [Salon]
• "You know, the company that financed this film, they came to me about two weeks before we started filming and said watch out for Malkovich, he's a badass, he will fuck you - I don't know if I'm allowed to curse - he will really, you know, ride a director into the ground. And then he showed up and he was nice and cool and funny and sweet and I never had a single problem. Kind of disappointing; I almost wish that at some point he had really let me have it, but he never did." — Director Sean McGinley, on John Malkovich. [New York Mag]
• "I hate all that calorie counting. I eat what I want and then if my weight starts to go up, I cut back. Of course, I've aged a bit in the face, but not enough to worry about it. I have common sense enough to know that if I'm nearly 70, something has to happen." — Tina Turner. [Daily Mail]

Elbaz, who has long won accolades for designs that consistently hit at the sweet spot of the continuum between beautiful and interesting, started off in the industry working on "horrible mother-of-the-bride dresses" in New York's garment district. Given a leg up by Geoffrey Beene, who took him on as an assistant, Elbaz eventually earned his first head designer position at Guy Laroche in 1997. A stop at YSL followed, but what Elbaz is known for is the eight years he has now spent at Lanvin.

In the pages of the New Yorker's Style Issue, Levy captures Elbaz's uneasy relationship with the images of luxury he so skilfully creates. Elbaz is 47, and, Levy writes, "there seems to be something fundamental about him in need of comforting." He is also overweight, and in a moment that must ring familiar to almost any woman on earth, Levy observes him dithering over his breakfast order at the Carlyle Hotel: " 'Should we be good today or bad? Maybe we start good and get bad later.' He ordered the fruit salad. He wanted the pancakes."

Some designers are, or at least seem, to the manner born: Karl Lagerfeld, Ralph Lauren, and Tom Ford, et. al., embody the moneyed ease and supreme self-assurance their particular labels sell. Other talents clearly retain something closer to an outsider's perspective, some sense of a life beyond the lifestyle evidenced through frumpy outfits or quiet demeanors. (Some designers, like Marc Jacobs, start up in one camp and end up in the other — the early Jacobs, with his nerd glasses, pallor, and paunch is orders of magnitude away from the contemporary gym-toned, tanned, health-farm Jacobs; it's like looking at an El Greco and then a Botticelli.) Elbaz is clearly in the more modest category. He compares his job shaping the dreams and expectations of the select group of women that are his customers to working as a concierge in a fancy hotel — the concierge being the person who has to go home at night. "You have to go back to reality. You have to go back to nothing in order to maintain the dream," he says. "The moment the dream becomes reality and you start to mingle too much with all these people..."

Photo by Tim Walker

Levy's profile really heats up when she contrasts Elbaz's aesthetic with that of Tom Ford, who took the Moroccan-born Israeli's job at YSL Rive Gauche a few months after Gucci Group's acquisition of the brand in 1999. (Yves Saint Laurent had at the time been grooming Elbaz as his successor.) Ford, in Levy's construction, was the spirit guide and permanent booster of the ra-ra bling-bling late 1990s and early 2000s, while Elbaz was the quiet talent cut out for more unassuming times.

Ford could not have been a more maddening foil. Where Elbaz was pudgy and Jewish and self-doubting, Ford was toned and tan and Texan. Elbaz is shy and still not exactly a household name; when Ford guest-edited an issue of Vanity Fair, in 2006, he put himself on the cover, flanked by Scarlett Johanson and Keira Knightley in the nude. Perhaps most significant, Elbaz has always presented in his work a quiet, complicated conception of female sexuality. One of Ford's more memorable ads as the designer for Gucci featured a woman [Estonian supermodel Carmen Kass] pulling down her underwear to reveal the letter "G" shaved out of her pubic hair.

Perhaps the New Yorker's sense of propriety forbade Levy from mentioning Ford's other boundary-stretching campaign of the period, when, during his time with YSL Rive Gauche, he chose to advertise the men's fragrance M7 with a full-frontal nude portrait of martial arts champion Samuel de Cubber.

"But," writes Levy, "little by little, as the money and the grandiose sense of self-assurance of that era fell away, Ford's sensibility came to seem less stylish." The writer narrates Ford's retirement from women's fashion and the Gucci Group, in 2004, and mentions that a pair of cufflinks she recently browsed in Ford's eponymous Manhattan men's wear store costs $34,000. Her conclusion:

In our current moment, Tom Ford, with his tan, and his cufflinks that cost as much as a car, and his naked-man-on-bearskin-rug aesthetic, seems distant and comical. He has become Bijan. And Alber Elbaz has gradually won.

If Levy's skewering of Tom Ford, whose idea of recession-friendly pricing is a pair of jeans that costs $990, is a delight of schadenfreude, it's also a little easy. Elbaz, and his aesthetic, were never in any mortal danger after being cut loose from YSL; the designer walked into a dream position at Lanvin, where the label owner's only instruction was to "Please wake the sleeping beauty" less than a year later. Moreover, Elbaz's clothes for Lanvin are every bit as expensive as Tom Ford's were for Rive Gauche and Gucci. It's difficult to imagine many women who can admit a $4,000+ sheath dress into their wardrobes without hardship.

Elbaz explains the huge cost of his garments in terms of their materials and workmanship — which is true to a point. (The markups that retailers typically add, which can be 60-70% over wholesale prices, go unmentioned by both Levy and Elbaz.) Elbaz, who alternates in the profile between the airy fashion-speak of one who spends his life on the astral plane of aesthetics, and more articulate quotes, analogizes making a dress with the research and development requirements of pharmaceutical companies. "Doing a collection, for me, is almost like creating a vaccine," he says. "Once you create the vaccine, then you can duplicate it for nine dollars and ninety-nine cents. But see if you can create it for nine dollars and ninety-nine cents, and the answer is no. In that sense, I have absolutely no problem with the prices. I don't think we do it just to do it." (It's also worth pointing out that the Lanvin atelier is located in France, where garment workers earn a middle-class living, and where Elbaz claims his company pays 65% taxes.)

The designer has said in the past that he does not care to design the dress that will make a man fall in love with a woman; he wants to make the dress that a woman wears when she falls in love herself. But I'm not sure the rhetorical inversion necessarily works: although I appreciate woman-centered design, that departs from the first principles of the wearer and her needs and desires, as opposed to those of the implicit male observer of the dress, whoever knows ahead of time when they're going to fall in love? A dress to make you more loving is a curious idea indeed.

At times, Elbaz seems flinty and difficult, which can often be the downside to being a visionary (at least for those who surround you). When he visits a potential site for his fall/winter show with his team, a former load-out station in the 13th Arrondissement, Elbaz speaks in a stream-of-consciousness that must be impossible to parse. "I had many, many thoughts. The dogs. The black car waiting outside. The man with the white coat and the dirty hands. The crystal on the floor and the train station just in the back. I'm looking for something to clean my eyes!" He muses for a while on the "bad spirit" of the warehouse space, before, in what comes across as a self-pitying gesture for its very unseriousness, momentarily contemplating leaving fashion. There's also an episode over some handbags which aren't to his liking, and an hours-long meeting with the team of architects who are at work on his London store, in which he exclaims, "If a woman comes in and it doesn't smell right or the light isn't right, she will think the dress doesn't look good!" Elbaz sometimes seems like that maddening boss who expects everyone to do the right thing but cannot articulate what it is.

All in all, I think Levy's thesis — that women have moved beyond Tom Ford's sexy dresses, and into the prim refinement of Lanvin under Elbaz — isn't entirely spot-on. Any woman, no matter her career or age, wants at least occasionally to look hot; if that note is missing on Elbaz's scale, it's a lack. And it's a heartbreaking statement about women in general that Elbaz should have such a presumed accord with our needs because he personally understands feelings of physical inadequacy. (When Levy asks him what his life would be like if he were thin, Elbaz doesn't skip a beat: "Amazing.") But Elbaz's work as the concierge of Lanvin, ironically, displays all the assurance he himself can't seem to muster. He never exhibits the clumsy pretty-ugly tics of Miuccia Prada — he knows real women don't want to look dowdy. His idea of sexy is never louche, like Roberto Cavalli's. His clothes are tailored, but not restrictive like the work of Roland Mouret. Intellectual touches don't impede wearability, as they can at Comme des Garçons. ("If it's not edible, it's not food," says Elbaz. "If it's not wearable, it's not fashion.") Alber Elbaz's work, for those who can afford it, is classic without the connotation of dustiness. And it's nice to get to know, at least a little, the fevered, nervous, visionary personality behind the curtain.

Ladies' Man [New Yorker — sub req'd]
Ariel Levy On The Designer Alber Elbaz — Audio Slideshow [New Yorker]
Lanvin Fall/Winter 09 Collection [Style.com]

The Good:
I always kind of dig it when people stick to one style that works for them. And when you can do classic sexy as well as Emily Blunt, why not? Also: I love Emily Blunt.


How awesome does this clean-lined, 20s-inflected frock look with Keira Knightley's severe 'do?


Miranda Richardson's is a case where the wrap actually totally pulls things together.


The Bad:
I hate to gang up on a family, but both Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie aren't doing themselves justice! Beatrice's goddess number is sack-like and unflattering, while her sister's is simply too frilly.


What Say You?
Is Sarah Ferguson's midnight special: elegant or...off?

[Images via Getty]

Is it funny that the guys (and Annie Leibovitz, who shot both images) spoofed the shot? Sure. But it would have been funnier if the guys were actually naked. Who made this decision? Why bodysuits? It's understandable to try and create a "pale" skin tone for the purposes of recreating the original photograph properly, but Leibovitz is a whiz with lighting. Is the world not ready for Jonah Hill's ass? As for Jason Segel, he already did full-frontal nudity in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. We saw Seth Rogen's bare buttocks in Knocked Up. Why is it that naked woman can appear on the cover of Vanity Fair, yet none of these dudes can expose their bellies? Is it because they're not thin?

Of course, this issue just reflects the problems with nudity in our society in general. When I went to see Friday The 13th, the theater was crowded with men and women, but after the third time a female actress was shown topless, some girl behind me yelled out, "How come we can't see no huevos?" She was asking for balls, but knew that the movie wouldn't show any, because the producers didn't have any. And that's the problem with this "spoof." As any good comedian knows, you have to commit to the joke. This one was done — ahem — half-assed.

[Images: Annie Leibovitz exclusively for Vanity Fair.]