How do you think Ke$ha is celebrating her birthday tonight? My bet is with copious amounts of drugs and glitter.

Despite Katy Perry's best efforts, one cannot domesticate the Wild Striped Douchebag, and John Mayer is no exception. Like the Countess Elizabeth Báthory, best remembered for bathing in the blood of virgins to retain her youth, it was only a matter of time before Mayer found the latest zeitgeisty female It-person and…

Little Miley Cyrus is on the cover of the latest Cosmo, and she has some fucking things she would like to tell you about, man!!! Mainly she has some info on what it's like to take all the fucks in the world and throw them into the sea and then never think about giving any fucks ever again. (Except for the fucks she's…

Kate Winslet loves Ned Rocknroll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby. Ugrghhhhh, that sucked, but all the good puns were taken! Mr. and Mrs. Winslet-Rocknroll—who have been engaged since the summer and already share a $3 million house in the English countryside—got married in at top-secret ceremony in New York,…

Last night at KIIS FM's 2012 Jingle Ball, held at the Nokia Theatre in L.A., celebrities wore leather. Leather jackets, leather skirts, leather shoes, leather boots. It was all about the leather.

Jenelle's follies and her mother Barb's reaction to them are the best thing about the entire Teen Mom franchise. Sure, her terrible life choices have very real consequences for her and probably her son and that's sad and all, but it's impossible to watch and listen to the reasoning that goes into said choices and…

Last night at the 40th American Music Awards, the stars were shiny and bright, with gold being one of the most popular colors on the red carpet.

Vote today, you guys! Vote! OK? Even if you're just a sycophant with no political leanings, vote because your favorite celebrities want you to. As Jay-Z substituted "Mitt" for "bitch" onstage during "99 Problems" at an Ohio rally for President Obama, Beyonce was at home writing a very nice letter to our president:…

Even when you live in a snow globe full of vodka and cocaine, the job crisis weighs heavily on your mind, as proven by Lindsay Lohan last night when she went out to promote a ginseng drink in Los Angeles. When asked who she plans to back in the election, she replied: "I just think employment is really important right…

Allison Williams, star of the Epix hit show GUH-RUHLS and daughter of news anchor Dan Rather, attracted the eye of casting agents when they stumbled upon a YouTube video of her singing a Mad Men/Nat King Cole mash-up. Unfortunately, that means they also found her slowed down cover of Ke$ha's vomit anthem "Tik Tok."…

How do you talk about Ke$ha when she is doing something that you can't make fun of her for? What do you say? Keep up the good work, buddy?

Never one to shy away from controversy, fashion legend Karl Lagerfeld has once again said something ridiculous. Proving that he would make an excellent frenemy, he gave singer Adele a very bitchy backhanded compliment. Speaking to Metro Paris, he said, "The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but…

If you happen to be surfing the web and stumble upon a blog called Put Your Beard In My Mouth — a site filled with photos of beards, bearded dudes, and Ke$ha putting said beards into her mouth — you should know that it's not some kind of crazy site made by a fan obsessed with beards and the pop singer. It's no…

Here's the latest PSA from the Humane Society featuring none other than the famously unshowered pop singer Ke$ha. The singer is fighting the good fight by defending the stray street dogs of the world, which would be totally respectable if she didn't look hungover, filthy, and dead in the eyes. If it didn't sound and…

Well look at that. Too bad the photo was taken by Terry Richardson — but it's still a small victory in the war against face paint.

Ke$ha, what have you wrought? The trend for long, clip-in feather hair extensions has apparently led to such tremendous demand for rooster feathers — butt plumes make the best hair decorations, apparently — that thousands of birds are getting plucked each week. Most do not survive the plucking. Such strain is there on…

It's funny, you almost forget that Ashton Kutcher — Mr. Demi Moore, professional Twitter enthusiast and camera commercial attention-hog — is also an actor. But he is! He fauxbanged Natalie Portman in that friends with benefits movie that was not called Friends With Benefits! He was on that bell-bottoms show! Which…

Ke$ha is confusing. When I first heard "Tik Tok," I thought it was a joke. An unfunny morning radio jingle, in which a white girl was "rapping." When I realized it was an actual song, I was incredulous — is this what people like now? I was bewildered by the human race. A year ago, I wrote the words, "her music is…

Hey guys! I'm at the beach! It's so awesome, especially since I drank a bottle of Jim Beam before leaving the hotel room. So do you guys think there are unicorns in the water? Once, I saw this show, and there were these seal creatures called Warhols, and they had long horns they'd stolen from unicorns, how bad-ass is…

Hey! Hey, guys! Hey, remember me? I'm Ke$ha! I have a dollar sign in my name! I wake up in the morning in a pile of garbage and my hands smell like buttcrack. I don't give a fuck. Ha ha! No fucks at all are given. I shit glitter and use Barbie doll heads as tampons and every morning I wake up and wash my mouth out…