• Last night, one of the four buses in Miley Cyrus' tour caravan swerved off the road in Virginia and crashed. The driver was killed, and one other person was injured.

• It's unclear if the driver died in the crash, or if he died at the wheel, causing the accident. Miley's personal bus was not involved in the accident and the concert they were heading to in North Carolina is still on. [TMZ, TMZ]
• This statement was posted on Miley Cyrus' website: "We are deeply saddened by the loss of Bill 'Uncle Bill' Douglas... Members of our tour are like members of our family. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family in the midst of this tragedy. He will truly be missed." [People]
• A judge threw out a case filed by an Asian woman named Lucie Kim on behalf of Asian-Americans in L.A. against Miley Cyrus for making squinty eyes in a photo. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan claims he has a contract that could be the "smoking gun" in TLC's case against Jon Gosselin. Lohan says it's a contract between himself, Gosselin, Mike Heller (the son of Jon's lawyer) and Hailey Glassman, which led to Jon being paid for outside appearances that violated his TLC deal, even though it's unsigned. [Radar Online]
• The good news: The final episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 will air on Monday. Jon and Kate will take the kids on separate outings, and "individually, Jon and Kate reflect on what the past has meant and what the future might hold." The bad news: A TLC spokeswoman says, "We are focusing on the launch of Kate's new series in early spring." [Us]
• In yet another creditor's claim, against Michael Jackson's estate, a company called Video & Audio Center said it is owed $128,482 for installing the TV system at Neverland Ranch. [TMZ]
• Joel Madden says Nicole Richie is home resting after being hospitalized with pneumonia. "So I stepped off the plane after a month out of the country, and basically went straight to the hospital for the week," he wrote on his website. "But don't worry all is well and we are home with no problems." [People]
• Britney Spears' ex Adnan Ghalib has been sentenced to 45 days in jail and 36 months probation after pleading guilty to leaving the scene of an accident. [TMZ]
• Flight attendant Lisa Wilson is suing Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony because she claims their "personal protection dog" "growled and lunged at her," and "headbutted her leg and she fell and seriously injured her back." Wilson claims the dog was "obviously dangerous" and should have been sent to counseling. [Us]
• Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz's son Bronx Mowgli turned one today. Ashlee Tweeted yesterday: "BX's 1st bday tomorrow!" she wrote. "My angel is going to be a year!! The greatest year of my life." Pete Tweeted: "Happy birthday bx. you dont have twitter and cant read this. Thanks to all my friends that recorded lullabies. cant believe its been a year." [Us]
• Lily Allen, who urged the British government to crack down on illegal file sharing, said in a radio interview, "If someone comes up with a burnt copy of my CD and offers it to you for £4 I haven't a problem with that as long as the person buying it places some kind of value on my music." [Daily Express]
• Carrie Prejean's brother Billy Arnone talked to Radar Online about her sex tapes and said, "If they were put in front of me I'd probably watch it." [Radar Online]
• In other sketchy family member news, Paris Hilton's mom revealed that her daughter wanted to get breast implants. Kathy Hilton said, "At one point [Paris] was like 'I wanna do this and that, I'm so flat!' but then all of a sudden she was like 'I love it. I don't care. I love it.' I'm proud of that; I think that's really nice." [Daily Express]
• Wesley Snipes' is appealing an "unreasonable" three-year prison sentence. He was convicted last year of failing to file his income tax returns for three years, but his lawyers argued today that he should have been granted a hearing to decide whether the trial should have been in New York instead of Florida. During the trial, Snipes explained that he's an idealistic artist "unschooled in the science of law and finance." [AP]
• The IRS issued a tax lien against Joe Francis for about $34,000,000 and now he's asking a judge to order the agency to unfreeze his money because he's on the brink of bankruptcy. [TMZ]
• Roman Polanski's lawyer says his client won't agree voluntarily to being extradited to the U.S. "We also maintain that Mr Polanski did not face a fair trial in Los Angeles," he said. "For all these reasons, among others, his position remains unchanged: he will not accept being extradited to the United States." [Reuters]
• On a radio show Rihanna said of her relationship with Chris Brown, "There are a lot of ... places that we've been to together, music, different things that come up that are reminders of your ex... When [his music] comes on the radio, I don't ... turn it off. I like his music... I've gotten over it, but there are definitely constant reminders ... songs that were our favorite songs, or hit songs." [People]
• Halle Berry, who has experienced domestic abuse herself, says of Rihanna, "Any time a woman frees herself from that kind of bondage and that kind of situation I'm proud." [Access Hollywood]
• Ha. In this video from four yeas ago Taylor Lautner says, "My dad says I can't date until I'm 28, but I'll have to negotiate that one down a little." [People]
• The Roman Catholic Church is bashing Twilight. A Vatican official said, "The theme of vampires in Twilight combines a mixture of excesses that as ever is aimed at young people and gives a heavy esoteric element. It is once again that age-old trick or ideal formula of using extremes to make an impact at the box office. This film is nothing more than a moral vacuum with a deviant message and as such should be of concern." [Contact Music]
• New Moon made $26.3 million during midnight showings at North American box offices last night, breaking the record set by Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. [Reuters]
• Susan Boyle said she was "shocked" when she lost America's Got Talent: "Sure, I mean, I am thrilled for Diversity; they deserved it. But I was working so hard, lost in the midst of all the excitement and yes, I felt the dream may be over after not picking up the winner's prize. Who would not?" [CBS News]
• Dave Navarro says he's a fan of his ex-wife Carmen Electra's girl-on-girl strip/sex tape. [TMZ]
• "You can't make music as a famous person," says John Mayer. "Famous people make really bad records – so I make music as a musician. I've read people say I was the shit, and I've read people say I am shit. I don't have to prove anything any more – all I have to do is play. Now my motivation is not so that people know my name, it's not so I can make money, it's not so I can meet girls – my motivation is to prove to people that you can buck the trend: that it's not an absolute that if you can be really successful, then you're gonna start sucking." [The Guardian]
• Yesterday, Rex Lee, who plays Lloyd on Entourage said crew members "occasionally" make fun of his ethnicity and homosexuality on set. The show's creator Doug Ellin says he's "shocked and horrified" and "will be speaking to everybody before we start filming again in March. It's not something condoned or acceptable." [TMZ]
• We can't handle any more Real Housewives drama, but if you want to know about the "infidelity, booze brawls, computer hacking," and physical threats" involved in new Orange County cast member Alexis Bellino's divorce read on: [Star]
• Derek Hough says his sister Julianne Hough broke up with Chuck Wicks because, "She's 21 years old and her career is skyrocketing right now and it's tough to sustain a relationship, especially with somebody who's so much older than her." [People]
• Ashley Jensen, who recently became a mother, said: "To be honest, I'm stumbling from day to day at the moment. Just getting to grips with feeding and not sleeping. It's all about routine, and it's very all-consuming. I had to feed him before I came out, which is why I was a little bit late, even though he wasn't really due a feed. And now I'm worried about whether my breasts are going to start lactating! You can't be away from him for too long. One thing it has given me is a real respect for womankind. Giving birth is amazing, and such a great leveller. It doesn't matter who you are – whether you're Mrs Beverly Hills with your Botox, or someone living in a caravan in Idaho. You both go through that." [The Independent]
• "I think for me the most satisfying thing is going out with my first headlining tour and having every show sell out. That was something that I never dreamed would be so quick to happen. Putting Madison Square Garden on sale and having it be sold out in 59 seconds. Like I can't believe that. I'm still completely blown away by that." — Taylor Swift [CNN]
• Eva Mendes says she was excited to work on Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, "Because Werner Herzog has been on my hit list for a while. I think he's a cinematic god and I think he's unparalleled. I think he's so prolific and he's such an iconoclast-you know, he's it. Working with him was a dream come true. I know that [Nicholas Cage] felt similarly. Obviously, I worked with Nic on Ghost Rider-a big popcorn movie-which is nothing like this. But I got to know Nic and the way he works and I really just like him as a person so I knew his personality and I thought, "Oh gosh, him and Werner Herzog together? They're going to kill it." [Maxim]
• Gayle King onOprah Winfrey ending her show: "I think that Oprah always makes the best decision for herself. I really do. And I have a feeling she will come up with some things to do. She has a very full life … We don't need to worry about her filling her time, I promise you that! Life is good for her." [People]

• How do we feel about the fact that Miley Cyrus dressed as Julia Roberts' Pretty Woman hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold character for an '80s party to celebrate her 17th birthday Wednesday night? [Page Six]

• ANTM winner Nicole Fox had a "secret" meeting with Robert Pattinson… meaning, she ran into him backstage at Regis & Kelly. She says: "I was backstage going to the bathroom-in a bathroom I probably wasn't supposed to be using. But when I came out, [Pattinson] was in the hallway, like two feet away from me, [just] standing there. He was surrounded by his throng of people. And so I didn't want to feel like a dorky fangirl. I just looked down at my shoes and walked away." Of course Nicole admits: "I haven't seen the Twilight movies… Perhaps I will begin to watch [them] now that I saw him in real life." [E!]
• Madonna visited a "lawless favela" in Rio — and wore a bullet-proof vest under her leather jacket. Doesn't she know that music makes the people come together? Doesn't she know that music makes the bourgeoisie and the rebel? [Page Six]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's guard dog, Floyd, attacked a flight attendant on a private jet; and an animal behaviorist says the German Shepherd is a menace who needed counseling. [NY Daily News]
• Monday is the series finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8, and in the ep, the two "continue to make the transition into single parenthood." Kate takes the kids to milk a cow; Jon takes them to a fire station. [NY Daily News]
• MSNBC's Courtney Hazlett suggests that this Thanksgiving, we should be grateful for the end of Jon & Kate. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Roman Polanski's lawyer says while the director is imprisoned in Switzerland, his wife and two children are "very upset psychologically by this separation that is a true heartbreak" for them. [MSNBC via AP]
• Tila Tequila says her naked Ustream rant — which has since been removed from the interwebs — was caused by "flashbacks" and "pressure" related to her allegedly violent incident with her ex, Shawne Merriman. [TMZ]
• Lady Gaga is set to do some songs at this year's Royal Variety Performance — which is attended by the Queen. This column questions whether she will actually pretended to stab herself to death while playing the piano and then hang from the ceiling, covered in blood — when the Queen is watching. [Daily Mail]
• Remember when hip-hop had beef? Beanie Sigel and Jay-Z are bringing it back. [Gatecrasher]
• Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens — known in the tween mags as Zanessa — have not broken up, despite rumors. Things are going well, they are rich and young and sexy and happy, etc, etc, etc. [Us]
• Jon Gosselin's lawyer says Kate Major's lawsuit is a joke. Finally we agree on something! [Radar Online]
• Audrina Patridge from The Hills and Mark Sallin, aka Puck from Glee: Spotted flirting and leaving a party together. [Page Six]
• Breaking: Amber Rose spotted without Kanye. [Page Six]
• Kathy Hilton has been in touch with the Jacksons and says that Paris, Prince and Blanket are "wonderful" and their "grandmother is incredible" and they "could not be in better hands." [People]
• Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate testified yesterday, saying that she was living in a West Virginia motel around the time a police chief allegedly broke into her home in Ohio. [NY Post]
• Fergie, the Duchess of York, went to Turkey last year with daughter Princess Eugenie to investigate the treatment of mentally and physically disabled children in orphanages. The Duchess wore a dark wig and headscarf and posed as an aid worker to get the story for a TV exposé; now she's been served papers and may have to stand trial in Turkey — she's is accused of breaking laws that ban secret filming and trespassing on government property in the country. [Mirror]
• Jordin Sparks had an appendectomy yesterday. [NY Post]
• Sigourney Weaver believes that the James Cameron film Avatar will make all the money back, because people will see it several times. She also says Cameron was "always sweet" to her during Aliens. [NY Mag]
• The Jonas Brothers are promoting Xbox 360 with Jonas-centric ads. [NY Times]
• "Do lesbians rule Hollywood? Ask Jane Lynch." [Guardian]
• This video of Hayden Panettiere is bukkake/facial-esque. [The Life Files]
• Ruh-roh: Eddie Cibrian is suing Life & Style, because the mag published stories which allegedly "falsely portray Eddie as being unfaithful to LeAnn Rimes, as currently being in a romantic relationship with [some other woman] and as having abandoned his children." Can they get out of the lawsuit if, at the end of each story, the copy reads, "Aoccirding to a source"? [TMZ]
• Sadie Frost is publishing her autobiography, which will probably have details about her BFF Kate Moss, the catty fashion world, and ex husband Jude Law. [Daily Express]
• When Jamie Cullum said that girlfriend Sophie Dahl "has a face for radio," he was probably joking. [Daily Express]
• Uma Thurman will play Robert Pattinson's wife in a film called Bel Ami, based on a Guy de Maupassant's short story. [The Hollywood Reported]
• James Van Der Beek has filed for divorce from his wife of six years. [USA Today]
• James Caan has filed for divorce from his wife of 14 years. [USA Today]
• At the link, Freddie Mercury's mother talks about her son eighteen years after his death. [BBC News]
• "I think probably the first thing that was an incredible hurdle was that I wasn't going to be able to do this privately like most people, and that took a really long time to get over." — Chaz Bono, on the hardest part of his sex change. [People]
• "She sent me sexy pictures of herself in a bikini and stuff, but nothing worse than the stuff you find now by just Googling her name." — one of Carrie Prejean's ex boyfriends — and not the one she sent the "solo sex tape" to. [E!]
• "It was scary, but it was so much fun. It was great seeing that we were all feeling the same way. There was a great support system on that set, all the actors with each other and with Rob [Marshall]. I had danced classical ballet before, so this was very different from what I had studied. We had a room in our building and we were all taking different classes. We would all pass each other in the hallway. All day, training. We all felt so free and so happy. Music was so present everywhere. That elevates people, music. It was so addictive, that experience." — Penelope Cruz on the six-week rehearsal period she, Kate Hudson, Nicole Kidman and Marion Cotillard had for Nine, in which they took dancing and singing lessons. [USA Today]
• "What people don't realize is, I am managing my image, more than maybe the editor of OUT magazine likes to give anybody credit for. My team is a team. And I really feel fortunate that 19 Management and Simon Fuller said to me, from the get-go, 'We want to do what you want to do. You need to tell us how you want to do things, what interests you have,' and they've been incredibly supportive of me. I really mean it. I'm not being puppeted around. I didn't want to jump onto a gay magazine as my first thing, because I feel like that's putting myself in a box and limiting myself. It was my desire to stay away from talking about certain political and civil rights issues because I'm not a politician. I'm an entertainer. That is not my area of expertise. I can talk about relationships and personal experiences because as an artist those things involve writing lyrics and that part of my process. But I didn't feel comfortable talking about the March on Washington. I didn't feel comfortable, so I asked my publicist to ask the interviewer to stay away from the political questions. I take full responsibility for that. I think that the editor has his agenda and has his opinions, which I respect, but they're not necessarily my opinions. And I wish there was a little respect for that. Not every gay man is the same gay man." — Adam Lambert. [EW]
• "I've never told anyone this before. This is a hair scoop. Shower before you go to bed, and then sleep on your wet hair. Towel-dry it. In the morning, it's all messed up naturally. If you have that messed-up thing going when you wake up, it's more willing to stay that way. That's Zac's hair tip." — Zac Efron. [Time]
• "[When I was younger] I wasn't confident in my sexuality but I had these thoughts, these desires and these passions inside me. I never knew how to exorcise them until probably the first time I had sex, and it was a great experience. I felt like, why should I be so hindered about this? [I thought about porn] …I thought, why should sex have to be dirty or scary? And if it is, why can't you turn that into a positive thing and work through that sensually and find something good out of that, something pleasurable." — Sasha Grey. [Telegraph]
• "I would not say that I lost faith in Twitter, I would say that I lost faith in my ability to negotiate it. I don't know about you but whenever I read a blog I do not let my eye drop below half the screen in case I accidentally hit the bit where the comments reside. Of all the stinking, sliding, scuttling, weird, entomological creatures that inhabit the floor of the internet those comments on blogs are the most unbearable, almost beyond imagining. Their resentment, their desire to be heard at the most vituperative level, at the most unpleasant and malevolent, genuinely ill-willed malevolent, level is terrifying and I am very often simply not able to cope with that. Twitter is usually not like that... [but] I found that the @ mentions were just getting... I could see these comments that would just make me upset." — Stephen Fry. [Guardian]
• "I've had some bad moments where I've woken up under a car with the engine still running." — Zach Galifianakis. [Page Six]
• "She wears really, really attractive underwear." — Bono on his wife. Well, not on. But maybe. [Gatecrasher]
• "They made a porn movie about Sarah Palin and the same actress, Lisa Ann, played me in the porn version of 30 Rock. Weirdly, of the three of us, Lisa Ann knows the most about foreign policy." — Tina Fey. [Page Six]

• After partying at a local bar, Jon Gosselin reportedly brought a 23-year-old cocktail waitress back to his apartment over the garage of his Pennsylvania home. She left the next morning wearing the same outfit. Jon claims she's just the babysitter.

• Bonus fun fact: According to Stephanie Santoro's online resume, she's willing to pose nude. [Radar Online]
• About 4 million people tuned in to the two new episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8 last night. That's a considerable jump from last season, but the numbers still don't compare to the divorce announcement episode. [Radar Online]
• Rihanna won't be in court tomorrow when Chris Brown is formally sentenced, but her lawyer says, "I'm going to be requesting a level one protective order not to annoy, molest, or harass my client. This would be a step down from current order in which Brown must stay 50 yards away from my client." [Radar Online]
• Attorneys for Dr. Arnold Klein released a statement explaining why they asked to present evidence in custody hearing about Michael Jackson's kids. They say: "Dr. Klein is not objecting to Katherine Jackson being the guardian nominee, but was acting on promises he made to Michael with respect to assuring the long term health and stability of the children... Dr. Klein has always had a special relationship with Paris Katherine and Prince Michael, loves and cares deeply for these children and is looking out for their best interest. Dr. Klein has been involved with the children in sharing holidays and other special events and wishes to have the ability to continue his involvement as a very close friend of their father and offers his guidance and protection forever." [Business Wire]
• Kathy Hilton, mother of Paris and Nicky Hilton, says she's still upset about the death of her friend Michael Jackson and adds, "I adore Mrs. Jackson. Katherine is the rock. It is like Camp Jackson, all of those kids. All the aunts, the uncles, the children come there. She plays Scrabble with them. She loves it. I think that's what keeps her really young."[UPI]
• The rumor that Jessica Simpson and John Mayer went on a dinner date isn't exactly true. "John was in the studio, which is near Katsuya [where Jess was dining], that night," explains a source. "And like he does most nights - like he did again on Sunday night - he went by Katsuya when he took a break from a 12-hour day in the studio." John, who is friends with Pete Wentz, just came by and said hello to Ashlee Simpson, who was dining with her sister. [Ok]
• People claims John Mayer actually showed up at the restaurant on Sunday night for a boys night while Jessica Simpson was there on Saturday. [People]
• Jessica Simpson is on the new cover of Glamour. She says, "[My ex] Tony said, ‘Jessica, at the end of your life, the only thing that's going to flash through your mind and heart is your husband, kids, family and the people you love. You're not going to think, I wish I'd done this with my career. And I'm not going to remember how many touchdown passes I threw or if I won the Super Bowl.' Music is the heart of who I am, and it's the most personal thing that I do." But adds, "I'm never going to be a woman who doesn't work. At 12 I was emancipated from my parents so I could sign my first record deal. I think I was born working!" [Just Jared]
• Ashton Kutcher, who produces The Beautiful Life, says Mischa Barton "was never unavailable for a day of work...Mischa's in New York working today. The great thing about Mischa for this show is we have a lot of young cast. She's done it before. On The O.C. she was one of the leads in this big soap opera." [E!]
• More Ashton Kutcher on Demi Moore: "She becomes more beautiful to me by the minute, and I don't know what it is. She's got the magic thing." [People]
• Producers of the new Melrose Place are still trying to get Heather Locklear to join the cast. [L.A. Times]
• A woman has filed a lawsuit claiming that when she asked Method Man for an autograph after a show he "pulled out an air gun and ... began firing pellets." She says she was hit at least six times. [TMZ]
• Lady Gaga says of hissing Alexander Karsgard in her Paparazzi video, "Movie kisses are real kisses. I don't know how other people do but we were kissing for real." [Perez Hilton]
• The MTV Video Music Award nominations are out. Beyonce and Lady Gaga tied for the most with nine each, and Britney Spears got seven. [E!]
• Beyonce, Britney, and Lady Gaga will compete against each other for video of the year: "Single Ladies," "Poker Face," and "Womanizer" are all nominated. [Reuters]
• Kate Moss may be the host of Simon Cowell's next U.K. show So You Want To Be A Rock 'N' Roll Star. [People]
• Naomi Campbell grabbed a mic out of Jennifer Lopez's hand a club in Capri, Italy and belted out songs badly as Marc Anthony, and Stefano Gabbana looked on. [The Sun]
• Courtney Love claims she never harassed Taylor Momsen via Twitter. "Oh, I would NEVER pick on a little girl! No, no, no. Somebody fucking - I would never Twit THAT," she saids. "It didn't make sense to me. I would never pick on a child. That's stupid." [New York Magazine]
• Courtney Love pulled a male New York Magazine reporter into the ladies room so he could interview her while she took a smoke break during the premiere of the documentary It Might Get Loud, saying "Who's gonna stop me?" [N.Y. Magazine]
• Kelly Rutherford settled her custody fight with Daniel Giersch. They will both temporarily relocate to New York while she films Gossip Girl and will share custody. [TMZ]
• Lauren Conrad and Kim Kardashian will be guest judges on the next season of America's Next Top Model. [E!]
• Lisa Rinna has another book due out next summer described as "the adult version of L.A. Candy." She says, "I have no problem being honest and open as we all know, so imagine when I can set it in this kind of a book! Everybody better watch out!" [Entertainment Weekly]
• Shanna Moakler has responded to Travis Barker's claim that she lets their kids spend time with her uncle, a convicted child molester, saying, "First and foremost, I don't have a uncle, second, I would NEVER endanger the lives of my children. I find making public spectacles humiliating not just for our children but for our entire families. It should be known I have physical custody of my children... As much as I enjoy social networks I do not find them a stage for personal matters nor do I find threats of any kind acceptable."[Perez Hilton]
• Travis Barker sent Perez Hilton this email: "Man, watch who you call stupid on your website!!!!!!!!! Shanna's uncle is a fucking molester and won't sign papers keeping my kids awsay from them. Unless i get a reply back from you stay away from and keep my name out your mouth. Calling me stupid is not brightest idea." [Perez Hilton]
• Dustin Diamond was paid $2,000 for a doing standup at a small town pizza parlor. He mostly made fun of his Saved By The Bell castmates. [TMZ]
• Bethenny Frankel says of the next season of RHONY, "I think everyone's coming back. That's just my gut." As for nemesis Kelly Bensimon signing on early, she says, "I mean, she jumped in the water first because she kind of wanted to resurrect her horrendous reputation. Which, you know, good luck with that. So, yeah. That happened." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Brooklyn set designer Michael Myers has filed a lawsuit against What Not To Wear production designer Michael Venedicto because he says he's owed $50,000. [N.Y. Post]
• Heidi Klum explains how she lost her baby wight just two months after giving birth to her son Henry: "I've never really had any special girdle machines or anything like that," she said. "For me, it's, you know, really healthy foods, exercising, playing with the children, going to the park. Normal things.... I've never done diets, but I also do not sit on the couch with my feet up and eat one potato chip bag after the next and one burger after the other. I think you have to kind of do a little bit of everything." [USA Today]
• When asked who she would want to roast, Joan Rivers first replied Michael Jackson, then changed her answer to Brooke Shields, saying her speech at his memorial was less about remembering her friend and more about getting some "face time," since Brooke hadn't seen Michael since the early 1990s. [TMZ]
• Joan Rivers says of her plastic surgery guide Men Are Stupid And Like Big Boobs, "I did a lot of research for it. I haven't had as much as everyone thinks. You have to know how much to do and when to do it. I recommend doing a little bit at a time, otherwise you look like you've been through a wind tunnel. Robert Redford looks like he's in the Witness Protection Program. He could actually kill a man and get away with it now." [AP]

• Is Brad Pitt done with showbiz? It almost seems like he's dropping hints:

"I think acting is a younger man's game," he says. "There are fewer interesting parts for older people and we all get older. But I feel like I've done it. I've kind of had my time and that's quite freeing. There are still acting dreams left but I'll do them first and then we'll talk about them." There's always architecture! [Daily Express]

• Jennifer Aniston embraces the lonely! "If I'm the emblem for 'this is what it looks like to be the lonely girl getting on with her life,' so be it." Jen tells Elle. "I can make fun of myself," she says. "And I'll bring it up as long as the world is bringing it up." [NY Post]
• Friends, today is the day: Some sites are participating in A Day Without Megan Fox. But over at E!, they're calling it Megan Fox Awareness Day, since she "drops wild nonsense in interviews, walks around wet, totally bends over in big dumb movies about robots, and then makes ballsy acting choices." [E!]
• Madonna did not, repeat, did not write a song dedicated to Guy Ritchie called "Eternal Love." Gossipeuse Liz Smith calls it a "hilarious rumor." [Variety]
• Page Six claims that the "gay spin" on Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson — as played by Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law in Guy Ritchie's flick, out on Christmas Day, could "backfire." Former Post movie critic Michael Medved says: "Who is going to want to see Downey Jr. and Law make out? I don't think it would be appealing to women." Sir, you are wrong. [Page Six]
• Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black is suing Starzlife.com for posting explicit photographs of him having sex with a guy named Jeff Delancy. Invasion of privacy, copyright infringement, etc. [ONTD]
• Aw, sweet: NYPD cops are worried about Robert Pattinson: "We have celebrities a lot bigger than this guy who can come and go in perfect safety because we know how to take the right precautions. We have presidents and kings come and go. This poor kid can't get in or out of a car without things getting dangerous." [MSNBC]
• E! landed an "exclusive" interview with Kate Major, aka "Kate 2.0" and in this preview she says vague things like "Do I regret anything? Not really." And: "It is a huge relief to finally talk." Uh, you were talking the whole time. And seriously, how did the paparazzi know you went to dinner with the dude? Who has photographer's phone numbers: Jerk Gosselin or you, a Star magazine reporter? And isn't it funny how that shot of you guys going out to dinner made the cover of Star? [E!]
• By the by, check out this Kate Gosselin-esque wig. The prediction is that you'll be seeing a lot of them come Halloween. [LA Times]
• Rihanna had ice cream with the record exec responsible for putting Chris Brown's song in a Wrigley's commercial. Hmm. [Page Six]
• An animated music video directed by the late Heath Ledger premieres online today; it's for Modest Mouse's song "King Rat" and can be seen on MySpace. [Newser, NME]
• Michael Douglas's son Cameron: Busted for meth. [TMZ]
• Dina Lohan and Michael Lohan: Spotted acting friendly at a charity event. [Page Six]
• Why does Michael Jackson's dermatologist Dr. Arnold Klein claim to have "unique interests" in the custody of MJ's kids? Is he indeed the bio-dad? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Kathy Hilton, who met Michael Jackson when they were teens, says: "I adore Mrs. Jackson. Katherine is the rock." Of MJ, Kathy says: "People think that they knew him and they didn't. His generosity, sense of humor, the mischievous giggle, the laugh." [People]
• It's confirmed that Kara DioGuardi will return to American Idol, and Fox execs are singing her praises. Mike Darnell, president of alternative programming, says she has a "spitfire personality and sharp musical sensibility" and gave the show "new energy"; executive producer Simon Fuller says, "She is a breath of fresh air and her passion for music and her understanding of talent is invaluable." What does all this mean for Paula Abdul? [People]
• Someone overheard Mischa Barton talking about having a stalker. [Page Six]
• Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are planning to remarry, one year after finalizing their divorce. "We would like to renew our vows and have another wedding," Shanna says. "It's not so much about the wedding but about having a celebration of each other and getting through all the crazy things we've been through." And: "When you almost lose a loved one, it makes you appreciate things you took for granted." [ONTD]
• There's a request for a restraining order against Daniel Baldwin — issued by a woman in Malibu. She fired her nanny, who is Baldiwn's niece, and Baldwin called the house and "left a hostile message." [Radar Online]
• 24's Mary Lynn Rajskub married personal trainer Matthew Rolph in Las Vegas over the weekend, in a casino with Elvis playing. But! "Our wedding was beautiful, spontaneous and intimate," she says. [People]
• Dearest Hugh Jackman, of course we will go see you play P.T. Barnum in The Greatest Showman on Earth, a musical flick put together by the peeps who did your Academy Awards extravaganza. Especially since Mika is in talks to do the music and lyrics. [Variety]
• Griffin O'Neal is spilling all kinds of shit about his dad, Ryan O'Neal. For instance: His father attempted to shoot him; Ryan was unfaithful to Farrah Fawcett; Ryan gave Redmond cash for drugs. [CNN]
• Hulk smash jitterbug! Lou Ferrigno is headed to Dancing With The Stars. [Life & Style]
• Click for an excellent snap of Jack Nicholson getting down on the dancefloor in the South of France. [NY Post]
• Jenna Elfman has a sitcom on CBS this fall, but she did go through a dark period where shows got canceled and development deals failed for various reasons. "It was quite a challenging four or five years in my life." [LA Times]
• Alyssa Milano has an ABC comedy pilot, Romantically Challenged, which looks like it might get picked up. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Chelsea Handler is the worst boss ever in a video at the link. [E!]
• Laguna Beach alum Jason Wahler got drunk and threw his shoes at people. [TMZ]
• Kevin Costner will return to Alberta, Canada to lend support to those injured by a stage collapse at a country music festival where he was set to perform. [Mirror]
• "Julianna Margulies slapped Chris Noth three times for the scene in the pilot in which The Good Wife goes bad. In a good way.The first time, she didn't hit him hard enough. The second time, the camera was off. The third time, she left a red welt on his face. 'Chris Noth is so great,' she said at press tour on Monday. 'He's like, 'Oh, please, I've been hit so many times.'" [LA Times]
• Will The Sopranos make it to the big screen, as a movie? [Gatecrasher]
• Fifty years ago, Jayne Mansfield cut a ribbon at the Chiswick Flyover, a stretch of elevated road in west London. To celebrate the 50th anniversary of the flyover, Mansfield's daughter Mariska Hargitay has been invited to an event. [Telegraph]
• "I haven't done it yet, but I'm excited... I'm lucky – yeah, I know." — Gerard Butler, on kissing Jennifer Aniston in scenes for The Bounty. [People]

The Apropos: Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon is the only one who's dressed remotely as we'd imagine one should for a "victory party." Wouldn't the dress code be "festive?"


Be Prepared: Lisa Rinna at least brings a little color, even if one suspects this is what she could have walked off the street in; I don't imagine her dressing down. But maybe that's unfair.


The Somber: Kaley Cuoco looks ready for a (chic! Maybe Rachel Zoe-styled) funeral.


Wall Street: Erika Christensen is interview-ready! I mean, I know players have to suit up when they're repping the team, and obviously some coaches choose to go all Pat Reilly. But neither of these things explains this. Not that she doesn't look sharp!


Water Baby: I'll just say what nobody else is thinking: Audrina's dress looks like the world's dowdiest, most ill-fitting bathing suit. Never a good thing in a dress. Even if only one crazy person thinks it.


What Say You about Nicky Hilton's exercise in relative restraint?


Golden Girl: Actually? I think Kathy Hilton should just embrace full-on Blanche Devereaux! I'd like to see a bedazzled two-piece ensemble of some description next week, please.


Images via Getty

• The Queen of Soul apparently has little respect for Sasha Fierce. In a continuation of the Beyonce/Aretha disrespectathon, TMZ reporters asked Aretha if she thought Beyonce should apologize for not addressing Ms. Franklin as "The Queen of Soul." Aretha's response? "Beyonce Who?" [TMZ]
• Benji Madden has struck back against reports that he's cheating on Paris Hilton, telling People, "It's very frustrating when you finally find yourself in a good relationship and people attack it. I wear my feelings on my sleeve. I'm very open about how in love I am – Paris and I are very happy." [People]
• Is Lindsay Lohan's career really over this time? “She’s got no film work," says a source, "she’s not going to land TV jobs; I hear she’s tried to get on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ and can’t." [MSNBC]
• Jimmy Fallon's first wedding anniversary is coming up, and he happily reports that being married is "still exciting and fun." He then giggled and totally took everyone out of the scene. [People]
• As soon as they're old enough, Matt Damon plans to take his daughters on overseas charity missions with him. "The way you have to parent them is to show them the world. Explaining the world can only go so far.You can read about devastation every morning – it's on the front page of the newspaper – but when you actually go there and see it, you realize this isn't something you can turn the page on." [People]

• Kathy Hilton doesn't think Angelina Jolie is glamorous. While she does think Jolie is "beautiful," apparently Angelina doesn't hold a candle to Kathy's true idea of glamour: Delta Burke. I happen to think both Angelina and the great Suzanne Sugarbaker are glam, thanks very much. [SF Gate]
• George Clooney and Naomi Watts have been tapped to star in a "reinvention" of Hitchcock's classic film The Birds. Ok, Hollywood. But leave Vertigo alone! [Metro]
• Sources tell TMZ that Nick Hogan, fresh out of jail, might be moving to L.A. to attend school. [TMZ]
• Oh, snap! The Shatner/Takai feud just keeps on going where no Shatner/Takai feud has gone before. After William Shatner posted a bizarre YouTube rant, accusing George Takai of being "psychotic" and complaining about not being invited to Takai's wedding, Takai shot back by telling People that Shatner had indeed been invited to the wedding, but hadn't bothered to respond. "But it wasn't surprising because it's true to his history," Takai said. "He's never responded to an invitation. Every time there was something happy to celebrate amongst us ... he never showed up. [People]
• And speaking of the Final Frontier, Paris Hilton has booked a seat on the Virgin Enterprise Rocket, Richard Branson's first commercial flight into space that is set to take off next year. Apparently she's pretty freaked out about it, stating, "I'm very scared to do it. What if I don't come back? With the whole light-years thing, what if I come back 10,000 years later, and everyone I know is dead? I'll be like, 'Great. Now I have to start all over.'" We can just see it now: Paris' New BFF For The Year 12,009! That giant cactus with eight arms and six brains that's currently trying to eat the Moon is like, so hot right now![ONTD]

SPENCER: My God... As of now, ladies, I am in control here, in Crappy Hour, pending the return of Moe Tkacik. If something came up, I would check with Megan, of course.

MEGAN: It would help if I weren't sitting right here, and if you had access to the publishing system...

SPENCER: Curses... and so ends the coup.

MEGAN: Foiled again! If it wasn't for you nosy kids...

SPENCER: So hi from the back seat of my friends Michael and Dafna's Volkswagen Rabbit, careening south on 95, nearing the Susquehanna.

MEGAN: Yes, enough Scooby Doo references, this is totally a place for adults to talk about adult things. Like Paris Hilton.

SPENCER: John McCain is, at this point, the mother of all ironies: Kathy Hilton complaining about "a complete waste of the country's time and attention at the very moment when millions of people are losing their homes and their jobs." Kathy, your family could hire them all; you could house all the Katrina victims who still need housing.

MEGAN: On the other hand, you think someone in McCain's ad department could've called over to the fundraising department and said, hey, um, are these prominent Hollywood Republican friends of his donors? Or gone to Open Secrets.

SPENCER: Notice how the woman in the Times' photo is named Laura Hilton
yeah, really — Rick Davis needs that $4,600 pretty badly! Also, how could you not think about the consequences of pointing out that your candidate is funded by Paris Hilton's family?

MEGAN: They were probably too busy trying to fit as many Antichrist references in thirty seconds as possible without tipping off the non-Rapture contingent.

SPENCER: OK, please explain this to your Jewboy interlocutor
it seems pretty disgusting — every quote is out of context, for instance — but I am surely missing a ton of scriptural dogwhistles.

MEGAN: Okay, so, there's this thing called The Rapture. You're excluded. Apparently, all the "good" Christian evangelicals of the world (so, I'm excluded, too) will be brought directly to God as soon as the Antichrist takes over the world. Someone, somewhere decided Obama is the Antichrist, aka, the harbinger of the Rapture.

SPENCER: Ahhhhh see, and in the Left Behind series, the Antichrist is a Romanian. How diabolical of Obama! We always knew the Devil would have a smooth tongue.

MEGAN: So, technically my understanding is that evangelicals should actually, like, exalt his candidacy and vote for him because the Rapture is a good thing, but I'm sure I'm missing something like their actual belief that they themselves will be Raptured because God knows what they're doing behind closed doors (but, in one case at least, it involved two wetsuits, a butt dildo and auto-erotic asphyxia). But, yes, "The One" is actually "The Antichrist" and not the Messiah. Or the Highlander, for that matter. I wonder whatever happened to that guy.

Oh, nothing, never mind.

SPENCER: Now, if McCain wanted to say that Obama is the Devil he wouldn't just use the booming-voice narrator and the churchy (to my ignorant ears) guitar music in the background, he'd hire the guy who narrate the last track on Integrity's Humanity Is The Devil album.

MEGAN: But, see, the Antichrist isn't the devil exactly. It's different somehow. This is where the fundies lose me too.

SPENCER: Another tin ear for McCain! White dudes will vote for the Highlander.

MEGAN: Yes, totally, Obama needs to start going to cons.

SPENCER: The Antichrist is the Devil's handmaiden or something? Whoa, Baltimore tunnel.

MEGAN: Obama is sucking the devils dick!

SPENCER: I may lose connectivity.

MEGAN: That's cool, I'll wait the whole 3 minutes.

SPENCER: So the Devil is Larry Sinclair, then you know, speaking of things white people like: Barack Obama.

MEGAN: I believe the deal is that the whole thing is pre-ordained anyway, so it's not like Good and Evil, but it's all God's plan or some shit. He is pretty! He's going on vacation to Hawai'i soon, so there will be new topless pictures for us!

SPENCER: My ex-boss has this great catch in today's WaPo story:

Obama's advantage is attributable largely to overwhelming support from two traditional Democratic constituencies: African Americans and Hispanics. But even among white workers — a group of voters that has been targeted by both parties as a key to victory in November — Obama leads McCain by 10 percentage points, 47 percent to 37 percent, and has the advantage as the more empathetic candidate.

So my Q to you: is there any demographic group that can decide the election that McCain leads among?

MEGAN: What I like is that those people don't think either candidate will make a bit of difference in their day-to-day lives! And people say they're not smart. I think he does better among rich old white people. That's, like, Florida.

SPENCER: But this is a GOP goldmine demographic that knows everything about McCain and nearly nothing about Obama, and they're going for Obama hard. That should be a nice campaign palliative now that I'm reading that Obama's lead is gone in the Gallup poll.

MEGAN: And McCain is now vetting Eric Cantor for the Jewish vote and to keep Virginia red. Obama's up in Michigan, Ohio and Pennsylvania, though.

SPENCER: That right there is a testimonial to the antipathy of the Tribespeople to the GOP. I think Eric Cantor was the nasally kid who ratted me out to the teacher for feeling up a classmate of mine at East Midwood Jewish Center.

MEGAN: By the way, when we were at dinner with Erica at Zengo that time and I was like, dammit, who is that guy? That guy was Eric Cantor.

SPENCER: Was Joe Lieberman not charismatic enough? Oh right, I forgot: We don't like that asshole, either.

Shit, really? That was why our dinner took for-fucking-ever? I'm going to get J Street to destroy him.

MEGAN: Yes, yes it was. Another reason not to like him. Amusingly, McCain operatives, I mistook him for someone that works for Blunt because I've never seen him do anything but toady up to Blunt. And because he looks 15.

SPENCER: Speaking of blunt, as in unsubtle, and FUCKING IDIOTIC, an Obama ad more annoying than the Encyclopedia Britannica ad with that longhair douche. You know what a campaign getting attacked for elitism needs? More Gwyneth Paltrow.

MEGAN: Also, she's the worst actor in the whole fucking commercial. It's like she thinks she's talking to learning disabled children.

SPENCER: Right, I keep expecting her to tell me that my 50-cent donation will make all the difference to Aspergers' sufferers.

MEGAN: I mean, these are Americans who actually bothered learning to speak another language. Except for her, I mean, she's just in London.

SPENCER: And who approved the two assholes who are like "I'll be voting from Paris!" "Me too!"?

MEGAN: Someone in London, probably.

SPENCER: "...and I'll be eating arugula out of my gay husband's butt on a bed of shredded Bibles! We're just in the next Arrondisement!"

MEGAN: Speaking of arugula, Honest Tea is the new arugula, and that's just unfair because Honest Tea rocks. Just because McCain is from Arizona doesn't mean the rest of us should be forced to drink that swill.

SPENCER: We part company: Arizona ice tea got me through junior high, along with Snapples and Quarterwater.

MEGAN: And now that you're not 12, which would you rather drink?

SPENCER: What kind of elitist would rather drink ice tea that doesn't come from a powder?

MEGAN: Or lettuce that isn't iceberg?

SPENCER: Women of loose morals like yourself, clearly.

• The facts speak for themselves: Heidi Klum is designing a capsule collection for Jordache, for which she has been modeling over the past year. Think she'll offer hair extensions to cover nipples as well? [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Kathy Hilton just released her own perfume. It's called "My Secret." We don't really want to think about what Kathy Hilton's secret might smell like. [BellaSugar]
  
• Gloria Steinem would not approve: Georgina Chapman, Marchesa designer and wife of Halston co-owner Harvey Weinstein, was named "Georgina Weinstein" on her front row seat at Halston yesterday. Only, as Chapman herself put it, "I didn't change my name, they did it for me." [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Jimmy Choo's CEO Tamara Mellon thinks that boyfriend Christian Slater should take a more active, or acting, role in fashion. Mellon says Slater would be "perfect" to play Halston in any upcoming biopic on the designer. [WWD, 1st item]

• One last Halston item! Rachel Zoe, who sits on the label's creative advisory team, wasn't at yesterday's debut show. A rep for the label was quick to issue a statement that Zoe has not been fired. Um, the lady doth protest too much? [WWD, 2nd item]
• Does the fashion industry hate the Bush Administration? Laura Bush is having a luncheon next week for all the designers who participated in this year's The Heart Truth's Red Dress Collection but Nicole Miler, Donna Karan, Carmen Marc Valvo, Tracy Reese, and Marchesa designers Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig have all said that they won't be able to attend. [WWD, 3rd item]
• Is anyone else depressed that Naomi Campbell and Andre Leon Talley collaborated to star and style in a SoBe "Thrillicious" commercial? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Burberry faux-fur parkas actually use dog fur. Fun! [UPI]
• Charges have been dropped against the manager of the Abercrombie & Fitch store in Virginia Beach, who was scapegoated by a cop whose delicate sensibilities were offended by A&F ads. [MSNBC]
• The latest item up for sale under Bono's (Product) RED line: The Mulberry Roxanne bag, done in sweatshirt material (red, naturally), for the Gap. [Sassybella]
• Count Fergie in as the latest face of MAC Viva Glam lipstick. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Brittany Murphy on Mr. and Mrs. Max Azria: "They're a very nice family, with great morals, very grounded. Plus, they'll even invite you over for Shabbat dinner. Who would turn that down?" [WWD, 4th item]
• Model Caroline Trentini has declared that she will be donating a percentage of her earnings from New York fashion shows to the Center of Support of Underprivileged Children with Cancer in her native Brazil. [WWD, 5th item]
• Is model/First Lady of France Carla Bruni pregnant with a son? [Vogue UK]
• Just what the world needed: Chocolate Armani Easter eggs. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Avon profits have dropped by 30%. There is no time for beauty in a recession. [Breitbart]

• In an unprecedented gesture, Donatella Versace has named Patrick Dempsey the face of the Versace men's line for not one but two consecutive seasons. Perhaps she's impressed by his track record on the whole "gets hotter every year OMG" front? [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Speaking of Donatella, Tom Ford agrees with her that Russians are totally hot right now. "Russians are hardwired to appreciate the fine things in life. They have been denied nice things for years." Um, tell that to Boris Berezovsky's mistresses Tom! [Vogue UK]
  
• Victoria's Secret is holding competitions for college-aged women to model in their runway shows alongside the "real" models. This is a bid to get more college-aged students to buy their slave labor manufactured lingerie, and given what we know of college-aged girls, it will probably work. [WSJ]
  
• Kate Hudson: "I'm trying not to shop anymore. I've gotten in the habit of making phone calls when I see something and saying, 'Please, when that comes in, can you send it?'" How quaint! [WWD, 1st item]

• Kathy and Rick Hilton are maybe going to buy recently-bankrupted French shoe company Charles Jourdan, and talks are already in the works about a Kathy Hilton for Charles Jourdan shoe line, which is a good thing because there is such a dearth of consumer products currently available that can boast to being endorsed by someone named "Hilton," you know? [WWD, sub req'd]
• Says Roger Vivier designer Bruno Frisoni: "I wasn't comfortable doing accessories before I met Christian Lacroix. He taught me to have fun in fashion and to be 'désinvolte' — to not be afraid of bad taste, which is especially important in fashion because sometimes if you have bad taste, it's good." Dude, totally. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Kate Moss: Now officially a member of Who's Who! [Vogue UK]
• Estee Lauder is being sued by fellow cosmetics company Nefeli, which is a Chinese, herb-based line. Nefeli had signed a secret pact with Lauder where it would allow them to sneak a peaks at samples of their products and technology. But, uh, then the Lauder folks just reverse-engineered that shit and sold it under their Origins brand. Um, so what did you think they were going to do with that intellectual property you were selling them, guys? [WWD, 2nd item]

Take the situation a few years ago when Paris Hilton's maternal grandmother, "Big Kathy", died of breast cancer. After the funeral, the Hiltons had people over to their home for a small reception, says an unnamed ex-Hilton crony.

I went to Big Kathy's funeral - she'd died of breast cancer - and afterwards Rick and Kathy had people over to their house. Paris had just turned 21, and the Hiltons had a running loop of footage from Paris's 21st-birthday party up on their big-screen TV. Rick was running around going 'Look at Paris!' It was a 'promotion'.

Moms Gone Wild [Vanity Fair]

• Even skankier images then the ones we showed you from the Tom Ford for Men fragrance campaign go up on his website today. NSFW at all, but whatevs: You know you want to look. [Tom Ford via WWD]
  
• Those god-awful crystal-skull printed jeans that had us screaming "Stop the inanity!" at the showing of Damien Hirst's line of Levi's on Saturday night? Set to retail for $4000. That's three zeroes! [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• "I truly love and have a passion for fashion, but I only go to my friends' shows — Monique and Marc Jacobs," says Michele Trachtenberg. Wait a second — Harriet the Spy is friends with Marc? [WWD, 3rd item]
  
• "Never did I think one of my daughters would be showing in Bryant Park," said Kathy Hilton at daughter Nicky's Nicholai show at Bryant Park. Hmm. Interesting. We wonder if Kathy found it less of a shocker to have one of her daughters show her pussy all over the internet and wind up in jail? [WWD, 1st item]

• Take that, Molly Simms! Alice + Olivia serves cupcakes that say "Eat Me"? You really have to go back and research the origin of this ongoing feud to understand why this is funny or bitchy or just plain brain cell killing but if you're anything like us you probably just feel like a cupcake right about now. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Celebs are doodling on Stuart Weitzman shoes to benefit ovarian cancer research. [Fashion Week Daily]
• International Herald Tribune fashion critic Suzy Menkes eats carbs. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Thank G-d: Today is the last day of New York Fashion Week! And, uh, Erev Rosh Hashana?