• Lindsay Lohan is on the cover of Elle UK — the shoot where jewelry went missing! — and here's what Editor-in-Chief Lorraine Candy writes in her Editor's letter:

"Lindsay Lohan wrote me a note during this month's cover shoot. It read, 'Let's do it again some time.' I've put it on my office wall because, in all honesty, I don't know if I could. This was the most unpredictable, and confusing cover shoot in my magazine career. First, Lindsay was about to arrive. Then she was in Paris. She was almost on set, then she disappeared into her hotel room. She was ready for her interview, then she had to have a fake tan! But we got there. And what we got was amazing. This shoot is truly original, just like Ms Lohan herself. In the end, she did her job brilliantly and, I hope you'll agree, so did we." Here's video from behind-the-scenes at the shoot [Elle TV]

• Chris Brown will be sentenced on Wednesday and appear on Larry King Live afterward: He'll apologize for assaulting Rihanna on TV. [Radar Online]
• Was Chris Brown forcibly removed from an upscale bowling alley in NYC last week for "partying too much"? [Fox 411]
• Take note: Tom Cruise is David and Victoria Beckham's "relationship guru." [Daily Express]
• "David Beckham is to star alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger in TV ads promoting California to tourists." [The Sun]
• Ryan O'Neal says of Farrah Fawcett's funeral: "I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me. I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She replied, 'Daddy, it's me - Tatum!' I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it's my daughter. It's so sick." Tatum O'Neal says: "That's our relationship in a nutshell. You make of it what you will." [The Sun]
• Vanity Fair produced two different covers for its September issue: Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. These deaths bumped a scheduled Mad Men cover, so now the actors from the show will be inside. Boo. [WWD]
• This paper spoke with the grandmother of the Samantha Burke, woman that Jude Law got pregnant. Delores Burke, 80, says: "What I want to know is how a girl gets pregnant in this day and age? Yes, it takes two people but he is the older and wiser man and he should have made sure nothing like this happened. I'm mad at him, we all are. He has other children. Didn't he think about how his actions would affect them?" [Daily Mail]
• "Samantha, her mom, and her family can affirm that Jude has been responsive and supportive throughout the relationship and pregnancy, and know that he will remain so as a father once Baby Sophia is born." [People]
• Video of Samantha Burke talking to the media at the link. TMZ]
• Apparently Samantha barely had any boyfriends, hence the headline: Prude Until Jude. [The Sun]
• A source says: "Jude sleeps with so many different women. A lot of names were going around as to who the mother of his baby could be." [Page Six]
• Jude's ex, Sadie Frost, is the oldest of 10 half brothers and sisters and mother of four kids from two marriages, so she's "understanding" and wants her kids with Jude to meet the new child. [Mirror]
• Jude Law allegedly told Sadie Frost that he only slept with Samantha Burke once, after a drunken party. [Daily Mail]
• Jessica Biel sings! She's playing Sarah Brown in Guys and Dolls at the Hollywood Bowl, and says she would love to to go Broadway: "That is one of my eight-year-old dreams. That's like my little eight-year-old inside me is cartwheeling around, thinking about that idea." [AP]
• Mariah Carey's new CD will have ads. Actually, the CD booklet will be a 34-page mini magazine in co-production with Elle… with ads from Elizabeth Arden, Angel Champagne, Carmen Steffens, Le Métier de Beauté and the Bahamas Board of Tourism. [BrandWeek]
• Paris Hilton's estranged manager Jason Moore is hopping a book about how he molded this blond piece of clay into a global icon." [Rush & Molloy]
• Dr. Conrad Murray was getting $150,000 a month to be Michael Jackson's personal physician. But many of his previous patients were low-income. "There are many, many patients that thank God this man was here for them," says one. One patient said Murray performed angioplasty on him three years ago without ever being guaranteed he would be paid. [CNN]
• If you have $30 million or so, you can big on the Andy Warhol portrait of Michael Jackson, going up for auction soon. [BBC News]
• Jon & Kate Plus 8 will not become Jon & Kate Plus Dates. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Leslie Mann says her husband Judd Apatow gives her anecdotes to tell while she's promoting new film Funny People: "He has trained me to be ultra-prepared, to have five stories ready to go. He gives what I say a beginning, a middle, and an end. Whereas I'd just barf it out," she says. "It's really lazy of me to depend on him to make me sound sensible, but so what? I'm lazy." [The New Yorker]
• Milla Jovovich: Getting hitched for the third time; filmmaker Paul W.S. Anderson is her fiancé. [Daily Mail]
• Tilda Swinton and 40 other people are pulling a film screen through the Scottish Highlands "on an eight and a half day odyssey through the mountains, camping each night in a different village." [Guardian]
• In this interview, Diane Kruger says she is a "country girl" and "definitely not sophisticated." The reporter writes: "What utter hogwash! Kruger spent most of her childhood summers on a scholarship to the Royal Ballet School in London, then five years as a top-drawer international model, based in Paris, before becoming a film actress." [Times of London]
• Liev Schreiber says kids make you youthful: "I'm older physically, but spiritually much younger." [People]
• Kate Middleton, aka Prince William's girlfriend, has had a series of meetings with Sir Richard Branson, in an effort to "sharpen her business acumen." [Daily Mail]
• Editors at British magazine Pride are apologizing for manipulating comments made by Nia Long, which made it seem like she was ranting about Beyoncé's acting skills. [Daily Express]
• Liza Minnelli will not be on Ugly Betty, but she will be on Drop Dead Diva. [AP]
• Whoops! Emile Hirsch and an Emile Hirsch impostor both attended the same party. [Page Six]
• Eric Bana is hot and talking about his attraction to cars. [Daily Mail]
• Sienna Miller on GI Joe: "If these films are well done I can find them quite entertaining. But…I prefer indie, arty films really. It's not the kind of film I'd normally go and see." [Guardian]
• In addition, Sienna's GI Joe wig cost cost £4,800. [Telegraph]
• Carey Hart says he and Pink are going to have a baby… Eventually. "She still has another 18 months of touring, and I'm pretty heavy in competing again in all my businesses, so it's definitely going to happen, but just not anytime soon." [E!]
• Q: A character with special needs or a prostitute-those are usually the two paths to Oscar. Had you considered that? Hugh Dancy: "I genuinely didn't. But now that you've said that, if it doesn't work out for me with Adam, I'll play a hooker next. There was the worry that if we didn't pull this off, I would look doubly exposed. Like, 'Really? You thought that was going to work? Better luck next time! There's this great prostitute movie coming out-maybe you should give that a shot.'" [BlackBook]
• Kevin Costner and his band were set to perform in Canada when suddenly the stage collapsed. One person died and at least 60 people were injured, including 2 members of Costner's band. [TMZ]
• Funny interview with Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter, at the link. [BlackBook]
• Sheree from The Real Housewives Of Atlanta seems psyched that she was the number one trending topic on Twitter last week after her "Who's gonna check me, boo?" argument. She says: "You don't want to be on the wrong side of Sheree. You really don't. I tell them all the time, 'Don't let the cute face fool you!'" [E!]
• He's done Ali G, Borat and Brüno.What will Sacha Baron Cohen do next? How about a Eurovision music mockumentary? [The Sun]
• Kathleen Turner spills about living the last 17 years with the pain of rheumatoid arthritis, taking steroids which made her puffy and bloated and then turning to vodka to kill the pain — and becoming a drunk. [Daily Mail]
• Omarosa will be on TV One in a new series called Life After. [WaPo]
• "In Cold Souls, opening Friday in limited release, the actor Paul Giamatti plays an actor named…Paul Giamatti." [LA Times]
  
• Billy Joel is "distraught" over his breakup with Katie Lee Joel and "obsessed" with getting her back. [Page Six]
• People you may or may not have hear of had a kid: "Survivor & Amazing Race's Rob and Amber Become Parents." [People]
• Hollywood is out of ideas, part MCDXLIV: Steven Spielberg will direct a remake of Harvey, about a man and his friendship with an invisible six-foot tall rabbit. The original flick was released in 1950 and starred James Stewart. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Will Ferrell has left the film project Neighborhood Watch. [Variety]
• Dustin "Screech"Diamond: purposely excluded from the Saved By The Bell reunion by his castmates. [NY Daily News]
• Whatshername will celebrate her divorce with a televised "party extravaganza." [The Sun]
• Whatshername is on "yet another" holiday, and her cagefighter boyfriend is with her. [Daily Mail]
• Whatshisname has been crying himself to sleep and wishes he were stronger. [Mirror]
• "They did try to submit in the comedy category in the '90s and suffered from doing it in an era of juggernaut comedies like Friends and Seinfeld and Cheers and whatnot. And The Simpsons was as well written, if not more so, as any of those — but suffered from the prejudice against the medium. So I think perhaps in reparation for that, they should give them an honorary achievement Emmy." — Seth MacFarlane. [LA Times]
• "At 21 I married Luc Besson and we bought a beautiful 13-room chateau in Normandy. I was totally happy, drinking wine, walking in the forests and riding horses in the beautiful farmland. It didn't work because he was so much older. I was young and staying up late, playing the guitar and hanging out with my friends. He was the early riser who went to sleep early. He expected me to be the perfect wife, which was natural - the hostess entertaining his friends. But I was like, 'Aaaargh! I don't even like those people.' It's too bad it didn't work because he was an incredible person and I was an incredible girl, but the timing wasn't right." — Milla Jovovich. [Daily Mail]
• "I think Hillary Clinton is one of the most amazing women of this time. I don't know her and I don't know — should I call her? I'm sure she's busy. But I know they know this movie's being made. And I just want to call and say: Do you have any thoughts or feelings I should be aware of? Of course I can't make that call. I feel like saying, 'I'm going to play you in this movie and I have a lot of respect for you and is there anything you want me to say?'" — Hope Davis. [LA Times]
• "Whatever I say, I get myself into trouble." — Sienna Miller. [Guardian]
• "When I'm not working, I feel like a Ferrari in the garage. You have all this potential and you just want to break out." — Glenn Close. [LA Times]
• "I would talk my wacky language to him and he'd interpret it to the drummer. I'd say, 'I want it to sound like Zeus woke up from a nap and he's pissed and there's an opening in the clouds and he starts handing out lightning bolts,' which is crazy, but that's how I hear the rhythm. And Omar, he whispers some things to the drummer, and that's exactly what it sounds like. It really encouraged the songwriter within me." — Juliette Lewis, on recording her band's new album, produced by The Mars Volta's Omar Rodriguez-Lopez. [Reuters]
• "I have a theory that people feel as attractive as they did as a child. I was a really hideous child. People who were attractive as children have a sense of entitlement. I have a sense of awkwardness." — Kate Beckinsale. [Times of London]
• "Troy launched me but it launched me as the face that launched a thousand ships and not as an actress. I want roles where I have to expose my soul." — Diane Kruger. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I have never come across a female character that is written with Blanche's level of complexity, in that she's vulnerable, she's pathetic, she's a monster, she's nasty, she's tender, she's kind – she's so many things that you never know quite what she's going to do next. I've never come across so rich a character before." — Rachel Weisz on being in A Streetcar Named Desire in London. [Telegraph]
• "My life has gotten more surreal in stair steps. from the blog to the book to the movie to 'Oh my God, Nora Ephron's directing it! Oh my God, Meryl Streep's in it!' So right now I'm at this sort of surreal-is-the-new-normal phase. I'm cool with it." — Julie Powell, whose blog became the movie Julie & Julia. [NY Daily News]
• "I'm so not the relationship go-to girl. But I'm much clearer about what a relationship is, which is why I will never marry again. Gabriel and I have a great partnership and a lovely daughter. But I once was stupid enough to say, in a previous relationship, 'I'm going to be with this person for ever,' and realized, as I grew, that I don't know if for ever is possible. Gabriel and I don't look at our relationship in terms of for ever, we look at it as right here today. And today means being the best people we can be, the best parents we can be. It's wonderful, but neither one of us feels the need to attach ourselves to each other for life – because it may not be that." — Halle Berry. [Daily Mail]
• "I hate alcoholics and AA. If you can't drink responsibly, don't drink at all. Don't go to meetings, whine about your character flaws and blame the fact that you are a sociopath on booze" — Roseanne Barr to Heeb. [Page Six]

The Glam: Claudia Ohana looks the way we imagined glamorous ladies looked when we were growing up in the '80s.


The Look of Love: It's like Matthew McConaughey is chasing after Camila Alves' cerulean goddess .


The Doctor is In: Can we get a little love for Bones? Especially when he's looking so dapper?


Somewhere In Time: Jane Seymour always looks like she's floating somewhere in the late '80s - looking lovely, mind you, but just waiting for that one modern penny that will bring her back.


The Shocker: Here's what you can say about Bai Ling: she keeps you guessing! Check out this stunning canary confection! Yes, there's a slight nipple risk, but that's just to keep us comfortable.


Proud Parentals: Give it up for Anne Buydens and Kirk Douglas! How amazing is that green?


Romancing the Stone: Obviously Kathleen Turner had to be here; of course she was. This one time I was at a bar and she ordered a margarita right behind me and re: the voice? Believe.


Suited Up: Deborah Unger demonstrates the kind of suit "not to wear to an interview." Well, depending on the job.


The Ruched: Not sure how comfy Erika Christensen is in her textured gown, but it's nice to see her! Yes, it's a little "balloon shades," but really what isn't in these troubled times?


Sincerest Form of Flattery: It's almost like, with this gown, Catherine Zeta-Jones is trying to hark back to the era of her husband's greatest cinematic triumphs.


What Say You about Melanie Griffith's LBD? Tess-worthy? (Or, more to the point, Katherine Parker-worthy?)


And What Say You, friends, about Shawn Robinson's slip of a frock? (As distinct from a "slip dress." You know what I mean.)

[Images via Getty]

To read more about the clips on the list, and to see longer versions, click the links.

10.) Oprah Teaches Us How To Smile With Our Vajayjays

9.) What Exactly Is Wrong With Gary Coleman?

8.) Martha Stewart & Jane Goodall's Goofy Gorilla Greetings Sound Like Crazy Sex

7.) Girl After Our Own Drunken, Period-Sexed Hearts Crashes Tyra

6.) Tyra's "Modelville": Sore Loser Fails To Escape From The Set

5.) Was Kathleen Turner Soused On Martha Stewart?

4.) Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen Are The Most Boring Guests Oprah Has Ever Interviewed

3.) Father Gives Daughter Bikini Waxes, Rides To Work At A Brothel

2.) Diane Keaton Drops The F-Bomb On Good Morning America

1.) Maury Povitch Tortures Woman With Painful Cotton Ball Phobia

#15 Kathie Lee Gifford



Why she's ridic: She makes silly faces; she has managed to transform Hoda Kotb from an award-winning journalist of Egyptian descent into a yenta; she's not joking about that music career of hers.
That's what she said: "I don't think I should be held responsible for anything I don't know about." - In regards to employing sweatshop children for her Wal-Mart clothing line
Why she's fun:

#14 Diana Ross



Why she's ridic: She jiggled Lil' Kim's bare boob on live TV—'nuff said.
That's what she said: "Just because I have my standards they think I'm a bitch."
Why she's fun:

#13 Tara Reid



Why she's ridic: She repeatedly gets shitty, cheap plastic surgery; she is the go-to cautionary tale for party-loving starlets; 80% of the time, you can see where the extensions are attached to her head.
That's what she said: "I wish all the mean people, if you want to be mean to each other, just buy a country together and blow each other up. Then we’d have no terrorists left. Like, don’t kill innocent people for no reason. It’s not fair. We love everybody. We’d even like them if they said they’re sorry. It’s not fair that innocent people are getting hurt. It makes me sad." - Her thoughts on terrorism and world peace from her sorely-missed travel show Taradise
Why she's fun:

#12 Kathleen Turner



Why she's ridic: She sounds like the personification of an ashtray full of cigarette butts when she talks; she pissed off Nicholas Cage after she accused him of stealing a dog; she didn't correct rumors of being a drunk because she didn't think that being known as a drunk would hurt her career.
That's what she said: "I find the idea of today's icons being teenagers incredibly uninspiring."
Why she's fun:

#11 Bai Ling



Why she's ridic: She loves to sing; she loves to dance; she can spend the day crying, but be damned if she won't pick herself up by the bootstraps, go out to a porn star's birthday party and work the red carpet.
That's what she said: "My name is Bai Ling. That means white spirit, and I really feel like sometimes I'm not existing."
Why she's fun:

#10 Celine Dion



Why she's ridic: She doesn't seem to eat; she's very French Canadian; she tried to be fashion-forward once.
That's what she said: "I've never been cool, and I don't care." - Regarding her adult contemporary radio success
Why she's fun:

#9 Elizabeth Taylor



Why she's ridic: Larry Fortensky; Michael Jackson; pills — lots and lots of them.
That's what she said: "The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."
Why she's fun:

#8 Keyshia Cole's Birth Mom Frankie



Why she's ridic: Frankie is a former crack addict who gave birth to Keyshia Cole. Keyshia was mostly raised by her foster mom and both women remain in her life and, thankfully, her BET reality show Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is. Frankie always speaks her mind, although some of might not make much sense. But she's relatable, since two of her favorite things are "eating Popeye's chicken and watching horror movies."
That's what she said: "I was smoking like a broke stove. Crack. For real." - In regards to why she was in prison, from this outtakes interview from the second season of Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is
Why she's fun:

#7 Mariah Carey



Why she's ridic: She met her much-younger husband at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards; she has likened herself to a mermaid on several occasions; a few titles from her discography are Daydream, Butterfly, Rainbow, Glitter, Charmbracelet, and E=MC².
That's what she said: "I don't mind being compared to Whitney, there are people miles worse to be compared to."
Why she's fun:

#6 Liza Minelli



Why she's ridic: She married at least two gay men; she had the most awesome bridal party ever assembled; she says her "esses" weird, making them sound like "shh."
That's what she said: "I feel like I haven't done my best work yet."
Why she's fun:

#5 Paula Abdul



Why she's ridic: She managed to get six #1 Billboard Hot 100 hits out of that excuse for a singing voice; she explained her "quirky" behavior by admitting she has a chronic pain condition; she continues to appear on live television despite being very unpredictable.
That's what she said: "When people expect me to go right, I'll go left. I'm unpredictable. "
Why she's fun:

#4 Courtney Love



Why she's ridic: She took heroin while pregnant; she had a crack bender a few years ago; she still manages to say some of the most intriguing, insightful, intelligent things.
That's what she said: "Drugs make you make bad fashion choices." - From her anti-drug PSA
Why she's fun:

#3 Janice Dickinson



Why she's ridic: She slept with her friend's boyfriend when she was a model; she won't let her beef with Tyra Banks die; she talks about her sobriety as though it's something she actually maintains.
That's what she said: "Without gay men, I am nothing."
Why she's fun:

#2 Anna Nicole Smith



Why she's ridic: Born in a poor Texas town, met her baby daddy fried chicken establishment, met her billionaire husband at a strip club, took off her clothes for money, fled the country with her slimy lawyer, and is now, in death, somewhat of a legend.
That's what she said: "It's very expensive to be me. It's terrible the things I have to do to be me. " - Testimony on the stand during the case battling for her dead husband's fortune
Why she's fun:

#1 Whitney Houston



Why she's ridic: In an interview, she told Diane Sawyer to produce receipts to prove she is spending money on crack, as though crack dealers provide that kind of documentation; she managed to stay married to Bobby Brown for a considerable amount of time; she hung out with Ariel Sharon in Israel and wouldn't shake his hand, for reasons unknown.
That's what she said: "Hell to the no!" - In regards to anything she's not in favor of
Why she's fun:

This is supposed to be a modern-day Kathleen Turner, like the one in the clip. The Photoshopping would lead one to believe it was snapped during the Body Heat era.

The Accused: The Superficial
The Crime: Calling a woman who does not meet some predetermined and subjective ideal of femininity a man and generally criticizing her looks.
The Evidence: "Here's a shot of Fergie in the Bahamas over the weekend. While I often publicly question her gender, I will admit that maybe kind of sort of Josh Duhamel doesn't entirely hate his penis after bedding this body. At least until he looks at Fergie's face, then there's lots of weeping and cursing. Mostly at God for being 'such a fucking asshole douchebag trickster to create this manner of creature. Oh, you want to go again, baby? Shit, I'm only human. Say, would you mind wearing the pillow case this time? I mean, it is my birthday. Heart you.'" Oh, you're attracted to her, so she MUST be a woman, huh? What does it matter what she looks like? And why does your opinion matter? And why are you even writing this crap? Oh, it's right there in the title, Superficial.
The Sentence: Whipworm infestation.

The Accused: TMZ
The Crime: Calling women men; mocking them in a gallery.
The Evidence: "Dude Looks Like a Lady ... Wait, That is a Lady!" Pictures of Rosie O'Donnell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Hilary Swank, Michelle Rodriguez, Kathleen Turner, Kathy Griffin and Julie Andrews. You know TMZ is owned by AOL now, you'd think they'd class up their act a little, and not publish sexist misogynistic posts in the name of humor.
The Sentence: Ringworm, which is not a worm but a fungus. Don't say you didn't learn something new today!

The Accused: WWTDD?
The Crime: Critiquing a woman's body and insinuating that she is large.
The Evidence: "The female body is not the type of thing we usually talk about here - I don't think that kind of discussion is very classy - and I don't feel scandalous or unflattering pictures of a celebrity has any place on the internet, but these pictures of Denise Richards are going up because holy shit has she gone to hell. She used to be one of the hottest pieces of ass on earth, and pictures of her tits were every young boys secret bullseye. Now she looks like she's made of donuts. You would think someone with so much gravity could stay on a surfboard that's bigger than the high school I went too, but apparently not. Maybe they can get her someones roof and she can surf on that." Really? Denise Richards has a weight problem? She's a 37-year-old mother of two. It's disgusting that men get away with writing about women like this. Oh, and look: Bally Total Fitness is a sponor of WWTDD. Great.
The Sentence: Infestation by Chinese liver fluke.

The Accused: Yeeeah
The Crime: Implying that a woman is too fat to be seen unclothed.
The Evidence: "I just really like being naked," [says] the American Idolstar. You know how that old saying goes — people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Fortunately, I live in a house of 12% body fat and killer gluts, so I feel comfortable saying that Kelly Clarkson needs to steer clear of the glass market. Of course, the plastic slipcover market and anti-chafing powder-gel market can still be all hers." Wow. Hilarious. Fuck you.
The Sentence: A colony of chiggers that live under and feed on the skin.

The Accused: DListed
Reader-Submitted Crime: Menstruation-mocking.
The Evidence: "Kim Kardashian Wipes The Skank Off: I shouldn't say that. I don't think it's possible for Kim Kardashian to wipe the skank off completely. She would have to remove her skin and that's probably pretty painful. She looks alright without make-up, but I sort of love it when she looks like a tranny call girl. She's suffering from 'period face' here. And I bet that bitch's flow is heaaaaaaavy." The reader says: "I lurve Michael K, but I want to flick him in his balls for this... mostly because I think I have period face today, and I want to hide/die/poursulfuricacidonmydeskfornoreason. Maybe I'm just overreacting." You're not. If you don't menstruate, you have no right to tease those who do.
The Sentence: Bloodletting! With leeches, of course.
Same Defendant, Additional Reader-Submitted Crime: Making light of cutting a woman's clitoris.
The Evidence: She can catch flies with her coochie! Jenna Jameson showed up to Comic Con in New York on Friday looking like she slithered in from the forest. Let's cut off her clit and see if it grows back! Yeah, what clit? That shit probably got destroyed a long ass time ago." The reader says: "I'm sorry, but female genital mutilation Is.Not.Funny." Agreed.
The Sentence: Pubic lice, of course.

The Good:
I can't really explain my love for Adam Duritz. Or for his insane suit.


Chris March gets points in my book anytime he's not wearing an outfit trimmed in human hair.


1) OMG it's David Byrne! 2) OMG it's Cindy Sherman...in Prada.


In the spirit of John Waters, I love Kathleen Turner's tacky suit.


The Bad:
I so badly want to get my hands on Debbie Harry and give her a head-to-toe makeover. Girlfriend needs to learn about Rodarte. Or Chris Benz, even! Why is she wearing such weirdly dated looks and not seeking out the best of intellectual fashion? End rant.


I want to grow up to be a crazy cat lady just Estelle Parsons.


This is not the right dress for Hairspray star Nikki Blonsky.


Dear Ricki Lake: It's not nice to steal clothes off of drag queen's backs.


Rocco DiSpirito: Looking more and more like Siegfried and Roy's lost brother every day.


The Ugly:
OK, I think John Waters looks awesome. But we all know he would be insulted if he weren't placed in this category.

[Images via Getty.]

• Fergie: Pregnant? Sources say she and Josh Duhamel are moving up the wedding date because she doesn't want the bump to be too obvious. Honestly, she did seem a wee soft in the face when she was singing with John Legend at the Grammys, but it looked good. [Page Six]
  
• Also on Grammy night: Dita Von Teese was seen "getting snuggly" with Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean? Wait, what? [Page Six]
  
• And Lindsay Lohan Paris Hilton was seen "aggressively trying" to get with John Mayer. Sigh. [Page Six]
  
• Is Britney going on a world tour? A source says she'll train for a month and then leave the country, getting away from her "friend" Sam Lutfi and boyfriend Adnan Ghalib. [Page Six]
  
• Meanwhile, Britney's father got permission to fire her business manager, whom he does not trust. [People]
  
• Although taking control of her finances is tough, because Britney is an adult. [Newsweek]
  
• Lenny Kravitz is in the hospital with severe bronchitis. Get well! [Reuters]

• Ryan Phillippe says his divorce from Reese Witherspoon was "the darkest, saddest place I had ever been" and he couldn't get out of bed for four or five months. [People]
• Uma Thurman: "I'd like more children. I asked the doctor, she said there's still time. I still have the sippy cups." [Page Six]
• The authors of the latest Anna Nicole Smith book are suing their publisher. It's always something. [Gatecrasher]
• Though all of the Spice Girls were in New York this weekend, Posh partied without Ginger, Baby, Sporty and Scary. What happened to "friendship never ends"? [Gatecrasher]
• Nicolas Cage is suing Kathleen Turner for writing that he was arrested twice for DUI and possibly stealing a Chihuahua. "I have never been arrested for anything in my life, nor have I stolen a dog," Nic says. [Rush & Molloy]
• Entourage star Kevin Connolly either did or did not jump some guy at a nightclub and pummel him in the head. The guy filed charges but then called the sheriff's office and said "never mind." [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton dropped her cat at the vet two weeks ago and has yet to pick her up; the woman she adopted the cat from says the cat is now abandoned. But! This seems to be a publicity stunt for the woman's foundation. So whatever. [People]
• Natalie Cole on Amy Winehouse: "I don't think she should have won. I think it sends a bad message to our young people... We have to stop rewarding bad behavior." [People]
• Joel Madden says baby Harlow is a "mama's girl." He also says Nicole Richie is "a wonderful mother and looks really hot already... There's something so attractive about her now. It's a motherly glow." Aw, a compliment wrapped in an insult, sweet! [People]
• Miley Cyrus' new movie features a scene where she's riding in the back seat of a Range Rover — without a seat belt. SCANDAL. [USA Today]
• Sienna Miller told a British court she felt hunted and in a "threatening situation" when paparazzi chased her car across London in an attempt to find out where she lived. One day one of these aggro-pap stories is going to end very badly. [USA Today]
• On the 25th anniversary of Thriller, Michael Jackson thanks his fans and promises new music. Meanwhile, the old stuff is awesome! [USA Today]
• Relive some Michael Jackson memories here. [Rolling Stone]
• Michelle Williams is back in New York after attending Heath Ledger's funeral in Australia. [People]
• John Ritter's family is suing the doctors who treated him before he died; attorneys say because Ritter never got a chest X-ray, he got the wrong treatment, leading to his death. [Reuters]
• Gwyneth Paltrow may adopt a baby from Brooklyn; "I'm a New York girl," she says. [Mirror]
• Denise Richards' new reality show for E! will focus on her life as a single mom. Ryan Seacrest is producing. No comment. [Variety]
• Shrek The Musical: Coming to Broadway in December. [USA Today]

• An autopsy may be performed on Heath Ledger today to determine the cause of the actor's untimely death yesterday. While anti-anxiety drugs were found in the apartment, reports that pills were scattered around the body are said to be untrue. Heath did admit to having insomnia and taking Ambien. [News.com.au]
  
• Also, Heath had pneumonia when he died. [Sydney Morning Herald]
  
• But early reports are that Heath Ledger did not kill himself. [TMZ]
  
• Heath's rep calls the death an "accident." [People]
  
• Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, John Travolta and Geoffrey Rush are among the stars who have nothing but good things to say about the late Heath Ledger: He was "admired," "adored," and "extraordinary." [The West Australian]
  
• Heath's family says they are "saddened and shocked." [Us Magazine]
  
• Michelle Williams, Heath's former fiancé, is devastated. Naomi Watts has canceled all of her Sundance interviews. Additionally, Lindsay Lohan was seen sobbing inside a restaurant as she learned of Heath's death. [TMZ, E!, TMZ]

• The Westboro Baptist Church will be picketing Heath's funeral because the actor appeared in Brokeback Mountain and "God hates fags." [ONTD]
• Onto other news: In Kathleen Turner's upcoming autobiography, the husky-voiced actress disses Nicolas Cage: "Oh, that stupid voice of his and the fake teeth!" She also has snarky things to say about Burt Reynolds, hee hee. [Page Six]
• Regarding Britney buying pregnancy tests, photographer Adnan Ghalib says, "I think she was hoping she was pregnant with my child." Also, their relationship is "far from over" and dude would marry her... Especially now that his wife's filed papers to formally separate from him? [Page Six]
• Oh, and Adnan hit a motorcyclist on Tuesday night while driving Britney's car — Brit was in the passenger seat. No one was injured. [Perez Hilton]
• Paris Hilton on Britney Spears: "She's a great mother and a great girl and I really care about her. I wish the best for her and I just wish everyone would leave her alone so she could live her life." Shh, you're making it worse. [AP]
• Lenny Kravitz is celibate?!? And has been for three years? Huh. [Page Six]
• Beyoncé and Tina Turner are planning a "surprise" duet for the Grammys? That would be fun. [Gatecrasher]
• Charlie Sheen and ex-wife Denise Richards were in family court yesterday, and a judge ruled that Denise can do a reality show with her kids (with certain restrictions), even though Charlie objected. Won't be watching, but thanks anyway. [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse visited a mental health clinic which specializes in addiction yesterday. Could be good news? [Telegraph]
• Hmm, but these pictures make it seem like she didn't go willingly. WTF. [ONTD]
• And police officers will be taking a look at Amy's crack-smoking video to "ascertain whether any action needs to be taken." [BBC]
• Toni Braxton has pericarditis — heart disease — and is joining a campaign to raise money and awareness for the American Heart Association's Go Red for Women. Is a check-up one of your New Year's resolutions? Be well, guys. [Newsweek]