When I saw Karrine Steffans seductively lounging on the the hot pink and black cover of The Vixen Manual, I wondered what games the gods were playing with me, placing this book directly in my still-researching-dating-guides path.

After all, the last time I had heard from Steffans, she was complaining about getting Eddie Winslow Darius McCrary's "anal bead dust" in her hair.

So, let's just say I was a wee bit skeptical when I picked up Steffans' latest effort.

It's hard to accurately summarize the book as it oscillates between sound advice for women navigating their lives and being a fluffer/cheerleader for the patriarchy. Luckily, most of the book can be divided into two types of advice - the sketchy kind and the solid kind.

Sketchy: Steffans asks if you have "a porn pussy", defined as:

"The lips are practically hanging out of the panties on these women. The labia majora are now labia gigantica. You don't want that do you? Because the more casual, uncommitted, random sex-for-sex's-sake sex you have, the more beleagured you and your genitalia will become. Why do you think the lucrative market for vaginal rejuvenation has emerged? Way too many women have been having way too much casual sex."

She even provides an illustration:

Solid: First time having anal sex? Karrine has you covered.

Sketchy: Steffans has a lot of issues with women being a little too modern. While she talks about uplifiting the self, the subtext is you uplift yourself in order to get a better man.

The thing about independence is that too much of it can be a bad thing. Since the nineteen sixties, and the advent of the women's movement, we've been taught and encouraged to assume what have historically been very masculine roles. […] Be careful how you present your independence. Never be ashamed of it, but never, ever, use it as a shield.

This isn't to say that independence has no value. There's worldbound influence, where you are able to hold your ground professionally just as much as a man. That's fine when you're on the phone handling business or brokering major deals. When your man walks through the door, however, there's a softer more homebound independence that you can show. It means you know how to cook and clean, and you don't need someone like his mother (or your mother) showing you how to do so. You can do laundry without turning his whites pink. He can relax in knowing his woman has mastered their domestic terrain. Just don't look up and find yourself lonely because you were trying to be too worldbound and dominant at home.

[Businesswomen] are women who followed the independent woman's blueprint: get your education, don't get pregnant (if you can avoid it), graduate at the top of your class, find a respectable career and not just a job, and be independent, not relying on a man in order to make a successful living. Well, it's a nice little blueprint – in theory. I'm not so sure how much practical application it has for long-term happiness overall.

Start imagining your life the way it would be if there were a man around. Visualize it. Having a picture in your mind is one of the strongest ways of bringing something to fruition. How would your home look? What kind of furniture would you have? Would it be the same as what you have now? Would you have your dirty panties and socks scattered all over the floor. Would that tub of Breyer's Double Vanilla ice cream still be melting all over your end table? And what about your bed? Would the same sheets from three weeks ago still be on your mattress? Would a man be thrilled to be in your home right now, at this very minute?

By nature, and in theory, the males of most species set the atmosphere in which the relationship and family will be run. While this suggests that you should not be defiant when taking your cues from him, it does not mean that you should not participate in establishing that atmosphere. Once your man has set the initial tone of things, and that tone does not conflict with your personal ethics and values, you can then set your own tone within those parameters, ultimately integrating it with his."

In a Vixen Tip, Steffans sets forth the scenario of a man coming home late and you sitting home waiting. She explains that you have gained leverage in the relationship because he violated the rules between the two of you. So what should you do?

"Defy his expectation. Welcome him with a warm embrace. Take off his shoes. Help undress him and get him tucked into bed, even asking if he needs anything before falling asleep. Whatever you do, just smile and play your position – that of a woman who has been steadfast and true to her role in the relationship. If you do anything other than this, you'll only relinquish your upper hand and sabotage the hard work you have done thus far in gaining a respectful position in the household.

To paraphrase an old popular song, "What have you done for him lately?" A man wants to know that he can depend on you when he needs you, no matter how great or small that need may be. It can be something as trivial as picking up after him as he rushes out the door on his way to work, tossing the boxers and socks he left on the bathroom floor into the hamper. […] Being a helpmate comes in many forms, but not many women understand the importance of this role.

Solid: She strongly advocates not accepting any type of abuse that a man wants to dish out, and advocates for dating realistically as a parent.

The wisdom that comes with age should be the very reason you don't fall for the same tricks you did when you were a more impressionable twenty-something. Revel in the liberation that comes with knowing better by declaring I'm too old for this shit! When some man tries to step to you with a half-assed hustle that was sure to work on you a decade ago.

What, you've never heard of financial abuse? You probably have, even though you might not have given it a name. It's a very real form of a abuse when a man uses his position as the breadwinner to control you and your lifestyle. He'll remind you at every turn that everything around you is his and there by the grace of his generosity. You'll constantly be told that it's his money that keeps it all together. He'll start dictating what you do and when you do it, and if you are resistant, there will be a penalty. It may be something small, like not giving you money for something you really want while he overindulges in all his desires, rubbing it in your face that he is the gatekeeper.

Your child should be included in the decision of bringing a man into your family. When children aren't included, they often act out and you end up having two separate relationships – one with your lover and one with your child, which is the mistake I made and explained above.

It is imperative to make sure to date only men who want to have children, are fans of and champions for them. To do otherwise will create tremendous drama, frustration, and conflict for you, your man, and your child.

Sketchy: Steffans doesn't appear to be sure how much of a Vixen she wants you to be.

Don't be afraid to be a lady and take the old fashioned approach to dating and sex.

There's nothing sexier than a woman who can have sex, but won't.

However, she also recommends keeping a list of five guys taped to your fridge.

"Your number one should be the man who captures your attention like no other and who pays the most attention to you. […] Your number two is a close runner up, but is missing that certain flair that keeps you up at night, replaying the events of the last time you saw one another. Still, he is fun to be with and gives you something number one does not. […] Numbers three through five are for emotional support, chit-chatting and the like." She clearly states : "To remind these fellows that they're in a competition, let each one know about the other and reveal to them their ranking and that their current ranking us always subject to change. When each one calls, address them by their number instead of their names once in a while, just for sport."

Solid: Her ideas on self-care and pampering ("take a bath in milk and rose petals") are well needed, as reminders to slow down and treat yourself nicely in this crazy world. Unfortunately, this too is presented in the context of doing right by your man.

Ultimately, the Vixen Manual is a mixed bag. Steffans provides some insights that certain women would appreciate, but the picture of the type of man she demonstrates how to win doesn't actually seem very appealing. And given Steffans' own rise to fame and tempestuous relationships, one has to wonder if this image about-face is really just a way for her to continue to stay relevant after all the salacious stories have been told.

Yet, I can't deny the allure of both Steffans' words and mystique. As I paid for the book, the woman behind the register bombarded me with questions as to whether I thought the book was "a worthwhile investment." And other women I know expressed interest in borrowing the book after my assignment ended, because while Steffans may be viewed in a negative light, she ultimately got exactly what she aimed for. Perhaps there's something to be said for boasting that kind of achievement when writing a guide for landing a man.

The Vixen Manual [Amazon]

Update: Apparently Karrine is getting married today.

• Maddox Jolie-Pitt is taking classes at the Lycée Français on New York's Upper East Side. Oh, to be at those parent-teacher conferences! [Page Six]
  
• Michelle Williams was seen hanging out in Brooklyn with her girls. "She looked gorgeous," says a source. [Page Six]
  
• Style guru Tim Gunn wrote a book, but he was forbidden from mentioning Project Runway in it. Legal snafus like this make our head hurt! [Page Six]
  
• Busta Rhymes was supposed to be in court yesterday, but he Assistant DA was called for jury duty. Woo-ha! [Page Six]
  
• David Beckham may not play again this season. He still gets the $250 million, though. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Karrine "Superhead" Steffans claims that soon-to-be-divorced Shaquille O'Neal gave her $10,000 on their first "date." [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]
  
• R.I.P Luciano Pavarotti. [NY Times]

• Not-really-that-blind item! "Which actor with a troubled brother might want to deal with some issues of his own? He is constantly drunk on the set of his current film, say spies." Oh snap! [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Sopranos star James Gandolfini wants the U.S. out of Iraq and for you to watch his documentary about wounded soldiers on HBO, or else. [Rush & Molloy]
• Sean Diddy Combs denies fathering a baby in Atlanta but ex-girlfriend Kim Porter says that's one of the reasons she left him. [Rush & Molloy, 2nd item]
• Did Matrix director Larry Wachowski finally get a sex change? [Rush & Molloy, 7th item]
• The View will have two black best friends when Sherri Shepherd joins the show on September 10. Whoopi has already begun! [People]
• The idea of getting pregnant doesn't excite Charlize Theron because she "doesn't really want to look like a whale." [Prince Harry wasn't at the airport to meet girlfriend Chelsy Davy — but the paparazzi were! [The Sun]
• Jenna Fischer, also known as Pam on The Office has separated from her husband after six years of marriage. [Reuters]
• Lily Allen would love a new boyfriend, but says, "I always think that no one is ever going to fancy me." Aw! You're adorable, Lily! Smile! [The Sun]
• Lily also says "I have my problems but they are nothing compared to Amy [Winehouse]'s." Lil has sent Amy flowers and a card. [Mirror]
• Sir Ben Kingsley has secretly wed "a Brazilian babe nearly half his age." Sir Ben says his new bride is "like an ancient mythological princess." We're gonna take his word for it. [The Sun]

With the release of her new book The Vixen Diaries, she proves her own hypocrisy by writing about doing all the shit she said she'd evolved from. And in the interview she gives in September's Essence, she proves that she's a bigger asshole than ever, referring to herself as an "artist" (we assume the medium she works in is bullshit):

You never want to be a one-time Oprah guest or a one-time best seller. Every artist has that fear of the sophomore jinx and thinks, Can I do it again? Because Confessions did so well, my concern is simply whether or not I can outdo myself.

He's not my boyfriend, but I'm closer to Wayne and we've spoken every day for the last six months. I can't start or end my day without talking to him. And we don't necessarily talk on the phone, but we text each other all the time. It's a perfect relationship. He knows that no matter who he's with and vice versa, we love each other. We don't have any surprises. If I were to see him kissing a girl tomorrow, it would be okay because I already know about it.

She encourages young women to speak out against abuse, to halt the cycle of it and no longer abuse themselves. Karrine uses her past as an example of what not to do and instated The Karrine Steffans Girls Club to give women of all ages a safe place to go in order to express their anxieties and support each other.

The thing is, I love everyone and I don't mean in a romantic emotion, but just generally. Honestly, I've never been with a man I didn't love, and I'm the kind of person that no matter what you do to me, I'm going to always love you. I'd rather you sh— on me than me on you because that's where my blessings come from.

At the end of the day, it's business not personal. I can't afford to ruin my professional life simply to save face with my friends.

Bob is one of those friends you want to love but you can't because he's toxic. We all have friends like that where you have to make that decision like, I can't be your friend anymore because you're killing me. And that's how it goes with Bob.

The Video Vixen Returns [Essence]
Earlier: Supahead Also Uses Her Mouth To Talk Shit

Author Karrine "Supahead" Steffans Reverses Position On Usher's Cock

Because she proceeded as she promised God and ceased writing about how big every hip-hop star's dick was to focus on penning messages of hope and inspiration for other impressionable young women like she said she was going to? Um, well somewhat? Diaries, for instance, provides a more nuanced portrayal of the role of penis-size during sex — Jay-Z, for instance, is "real thick and juicy but you cant stand looking at him when he's on top," and Busta Rhymes believes that "because you are left sore he thinks he did something." And where Confessions leaves us off with a bout of "simultaneous orgasms" Karrine achieved with Usher, Diaries begins, according to an excerpt in MediaTakeOut, with an, um, lesser Usher experience!

It was fu**ing horrible and on top of that it was smelling back there. This man is not packing, his d*ck is way small and he was having a hard time trying to find my hole. Then ol' boy did something out of this world, he yelled out something Haitian. I was sick to my stomach. I got dressed and ran out of there.

I picked up the room key at the front desk. Once I was settled, there was a soft knock at the door and my heart seemed to skip a thousand beats. I straightened my clothes, smoothed out my hair, took another deep breath, and flung the door as wide as it would go until it hit the adjacent wall. I jumped into Ice-T's arms and held on tight as I could. I smelled him, taking in every molecule.

Ice and I spent most every day together. I craved to be near him. I needed him. I needed Ice to teach me, to make me better, and to undo all of the awful things that had been done to m. Ice taught me a lot about how to make it in Los Angeles — where to eat, where to shop, how to negotiate, and how to know my worth professionally. He usually wore a hat of some sort, sat with his legs crossed, appearing as if he was deep in thought. He rarely moved until it was time to go.

On the night when we stayed in — and there were many — Ice and I would just quietly lie together, enjoying each other's presence. Sometimes, we drove around in his black-on-black Mercedes, and I held his hand. Ice taught me that I should never hold someone's hand completely, just the smallest finger. This would show that I'm not asking for all of him, just a small part.

We spent a lot of time at his office in Hollywood, where he had a "pimp room." The office was on the top floor of the building and it overlooked the city. The pimp room had oversize red velvet curtains and black leather sofas. There were a few accessories that stood out — a giant "pimp-tionary," a dictionary of pimp terminology, and a video-camera set upon a tripod. In this room we watched porn and made a few flicks of our own. When we were together, I felt like a woman. I was all his.

I remember that first Christmas in Los Angeles. It fell on a Sunday, and he told his then longtime girlfriend and their young son that he was going to the bank or something. He came over and spent time with me so I wouldn't be alone. We both knew there was really no excuse for him not to be home on Christmas morning since everything was closed, but that never mattered to us. He operated in his own space and time. No one made Ice do anything he didn't want to do.

When we made love, it was never sexual; rather, it was like he was feeding me. With every slow, wet stroke, with every warm, sweet kiss, he gave me pieces of himself and let me know that he trusted and cared for me. I felt grown-up, knowing I could please a man like that— a man with so many more years and experiences than me. At those moments, I felt complete.

Leaked! Excerpts from Superhead's New Book [Media Take Out]