• Today in pointless clothing lines of the stars: Miley Cyrus and Max Azria's Wal-Mart collection! The digs look well worth every penny of their sub-$20 price point. [Lucky]
• Now, even the Kings of Leon has one. [Blackbook]

• Lady Gaga wants in on the action. On starting a clothing line, she told Flare magazine, "At some point, I will. Right now, I'm more concerned with using my fame to promote young designers such as Gary Card, an artist who designed a piece I used on stage." Why would she do such a thing? "There hasn't been a commercial artist lately that has embodied avant-garde and couture so insistently as myself." [ONTD]
• Gaga has one new position to console herself with: M.A.C. Viva Glam AIDS fund face. Cyndi Lauper will co-star in the campaign to sell lipstick and raise money for research. [WWD]
• The British Fashion Council and British Vogue are launching a fashion prize to encourage young talent, somewhat along the lines of the American Vogue/CFDA Fashion Fund awards, which kicked off in 2003. £200,000 will be awarded to one UK designer who can demonstrate he or she has international stockists, a media profile, and demonstrated need of the money. [Telegraph]
• Angelina Jolie and Shiloh are apparently fans of Stella McCartney's line for GapKids. [Radaronline]
• That Christian Louboutin made his first public appearance in Washington, D.C., under Obama's watch is no coincidence. "For eight years I was invited, but I never wanted to come before. I never wanted to come with Bush," says the shoe designer. "I'm looking forward to coming back — at least for four years." We really want to make a crack about voting with your feet here. [WaPo]
• Roberto Cavalli: "All over the world people don't treat me like a fashion designer; they treat me like a rock star… I can't walk down 5th Avenue without being treated like a rock star. In fact, maybe it's more… Many times I've walked down 5th Avenue with rock stars and nobody pays attention to them. It's very strange." [FWD]
• Gisele Bundchen passed the written exam portion of her pilot's license. Although heavily pregnant, and "Almost too big to fly," according to her instructor, she's still making supervised practice flights up to three days a week. [People]
• Karolina Kurkova has given birth to a baby boy. [People]
• Kelly Osborne: Fan of Spanx. [People]
• Christian Siriano says his new reality TV show will reflect the best of several recent high-profile fashion documentaries. "It's very like The September Issue, very Valentino [The Last Emperor]. We want it to be as cool and as real as possible." Apparently, September Issue director R.J. Cutler wouldn't touch the project, but he did advise Siriano "just to be real." [The Cut]
• Sadie Frost's clothing line with Jemima French, FrostFrench, is opening its second store in London's Soho. [WWD]
• A real ad man of the 1960s has some bones to pick with Mad Men's treatment of the brand London Fog. So an employee of an industry that manufactures fictions objects to a fictional show's fictionalizing history? We shake our heads at the irony. [AdAge]
• JC Penney is being sued for trademark infringement by the retailer New York & Company. New York & Company says Penney's new "NYC Style" slogan is too close to its "NY Style" advertising tag line. [WWD]
• Can Sir Philip Green conquer America? [Bloomberg]
• Polo Ralph Lauren reported a 10% rise in second-quarter profits. [TS]
• Bata shoes was, before Communism, an international brand headquartered in Slovakia. The company town isn't doing so hot right now, with the economic transition and the competition from Asia. [BussinessWeek]
• Liz Claiborne may have had seven consecutive quarterly losses, with the announcement of an eight expected next week, but C.E.O. Bill McCombs doesn't have to worry about one thing: his job security. McCombs recently had his contract renewed for another three years. It's not an unusual strategy: only 38 companies in the S&P 500 have replaced their C.E.O.'s in the year to September 30, down 10 on the same period last year, despite the trying economic times. [WSJ]
• Not so lucky is Missoni's general manager, Massimo Gasparini. He has been let go and his position will not be filled. [WWD]

• Lindsay Lohan, finally addressing her disastrously received first Ungaro collection, says, "I am learning." But she will be back in Paris for the next show! "It's already in January. I thought it was in March." January? January means couture.

Could Mounir Moufarrige seriously be reviving Ungaro's couture division — which was shuttered in 2004 — with Lohan at the helm? God help us. Lohan also denies any responsibility for, or foreknowledge of, those ridiculous sparkly heart pasties that the Ungaro models purposefully flashed during the show that just walked in Paris. [People]

• Selena Gomez is launching a fashion line, called Selena Gomez Dream Out Loud. Something called Cynosure Holdings is responsible for the collection, which seems appropriate, somehow. It's not coming out till fall 2010, so if the economy gets worse, there's still time for it the whole idea to slink quietly away, like Pastelle. [WWD]
• Here are some first looks from Rodarte's Target collection, due out on December 20. It includes a lot of leopard print, lace, sequins, and tulle. [Seventeen and A Tiny Machine]
• Carmen Marc Valvo focuses on the positive: "I've survived in this business for over 20 years. And I've survived colon cancer; so a little dip in the world economy isn't enough to keep me down." [Houston Chronicle]
• Badgley Mischka are doing a lower-priced line, called Mark & James. [WWD]
• Ordinary New Yorkers speak out on Filippa Hamilton, the Ralph Lauren face who was fired for being too fat, at size 4: "It makes me angry," says Alexandria Blackwell, 15, of the Bronx. "They always want skinnier." Dr. Robyn Silverman, a child and teen development expert, says, "If a stunning size 4 model is too overweight to look good in their clothes, then they need to change their clothes, not the model." Revolutionary! [NYDN]
• Delia Ephron, on clothes and life: "Clothes have special power. I'll always remember the raspberry colored v-necked silk sweater I was wearing on my husband and my first date. If I hadn't been wearing that sweater that night, would any of it have happened?" Nora says dressing well becomes more important as women age. "Of course it does, because looking good is so easy when you're young. For openers, you're young, and that looks good." [Glamour]
• Linda Evangelista, on doing a shoot for W with chickens: "I grew up in Canada, in an area where everyone had chickens. I mean, we weren't supposed to have chickens — it was a residential area, but we did. Also, when I went back to Italy with my parents where they grew up, there were chickens. So you can say I know a lot about chickens." [W]
• Marie Claire editor Joanna Coles' limited vocabulary drew the attention of Fashion Week Daily, which provided a handy summary of Coles' questions for Hilary Swank, with every repetition of the word "assume" highlighted. [FWD]
• Crocs is opening a flagship store in Boulder, Colorado. [UPI]
• Someone, somewhere, "officially" named Ines de la Fressange the most chic woman in Paris. Carla Bruni, eat your heart out! [Telegraph]
• "I'm excited to go to Olympics in Vancouver," says former figure skater Vera Wang. "I'm definitely going. I always try to go anytime the Olympics come close to our continent!" She still thinks about her former sport. "Skating became a different sport with the magnification of television. And certainly a few exciting things happened in between, like knee clubbing and scandals to raise the sport's profile. But in the end, it's one of the most beautiful spectator sports that you can watch. It's not just about being insanely athletic; it's all being expressive and artistic. There's no other sport that combines spinning, jumping, choreography, costumes, music all in one- it's a full on press." [FWD]
• When she moved on to being an editor at Vogue, Wang had a few hairy moments. "There was a time where I put all of the furs on a Vogue shoot with Deborah Turbeville into the water, and the entire fur industry wanted to sue me," the designer recalled. "Another time we ruined a Frank Stella painting…we were shooting at night and I remember watching a model jumping up and down in front of a work of art that fell apart. It's hard to put a number on it, but that work of art was worth a quarter of a million 35 years ago. That's probably $3 billion now." [WWD]
• Vera Wang popped in to Karolina Kurkova's baby shower, which was also attended by Adriana Lima, Michelle Monaghan, Rachel Roy. Lima, who is also pregnant, compared bellies with Kurkova. [P6]
• Heidi Klum says she's not going to try and lose the baby weight just to be in this year's Victoria's Secret show. [People]
• Jason Wu is greeting his adoring public in Taiwan this week. [WWD]
• Zac Posen is dipping his toe in the churning waters of advertising. Coco Rocha stars and Ellen von Unwerth shot. [Fashionista]
• "Being fierce is a state of being, not something you can become. It's a high point of being a certain persona. Ferosh is a downgraded version of being fierce." — Leading ferocity expert Christian Siriano. [Star-Trib]
• The Gap is bringing back television advertising, after two years without. The chain will also open a flagship in China next year, but overall the company plans to reduce its retail space by 10% over the next five years. Its September same-store sales were down a relatively modest 1%. [TS]
• H&M's same-store sales slid 8% in September. [WSJ]

• For the September issue of Harper's Bazaar, the magazine interviewed Karl Lagerfeld, speaking as Coco Chanel. In character, the Grand Teuton shared such idiotic reflections as: "I was never a feminist because I was never ugly enough for that." [FWD]

• A very painterly, Frenchified image of 90s supe Linda Evangelista made the grade as John Galliano's fall campaign. [SassyBella]
• On Sunday, the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Washington, D.C., hosted an exhibition of the Indonesian batik textiles collected by President Obama's mother, Anne Dunham, during her years in the country. There were traditional Indonesian dance and music performances, and fashion shows from two Indonesian designers. [WWD]
• Victoria Beckham has decided not to renew her contract with Emporio Armani, apparently because she wants to concentrate on her dress line. [UK Vogue]
• Spice Girls svengali Simon Fuller has acquired a 51% stake in Storm, the London model agency that represents such top names as Kate Moss, Jourdan Dunn, Eva Herzigova, and Lily Cole. [Telegraph]
• This fall is going to be an exciting time for designer fast-fashion lines. Unrolling next season at a chain near you: Jimmy Choo for H&M, Stella McCartney for Gap Kids, Anna Sui for Target, Christopher Kane for TopShop, Adam Lippes for Mango, and, uh, Lauren Conrad for Kohl's. [TS]
• Add to that list Jil Sander's hotly anticipated +J line for Uniqlo, which will begin hitting stores in October. The 140-piece collection is believed to start at around $25. [Fashionologie]
• Stars like Mariah Carey, Jessica Simpson, Emeril Lagasse, and Martha Stewart are promoting Macy's "Come Together" program, a special night of dinner parties intended to inspire charitable giving. Americans are asked to host a special dinner in their homes, and solicit donations to Feeding America, in lieu of any gifts for the host. Macy's will match those donations until enough money has been raised to serve 10 million meals to poor families this fall and winter. You can register a dinner party or get new information at Come Together. [People]
• Are you a man? Are you really, really ridiculously good-looking? Have you ever dreamed of becoming a Calvin Klein underwear model? Do you live in one of nine European countries? In that case, you might be in luck: to launch a new underwear line, Calvin Klein is holding a model search. Jamie Dornan will be one of the judges. [WWD]
• "She's like, 'What about Maximilian? Bruno? Sebastian? Hector? Guido?' I always tell her I'll put it on my list." Karolina Kurkova's Slovak mother sure does have interesting taste in baby boy names. [USAToday]
• Donald Fisher, the Gap founder, and his wife Doris spent the last 50 years collecting art by such eminent figures as Andy Warhol, Roy Lichtenstein, and Alexander Calder. But San Francisco preservationists have nixed the Fishers' plans to build a museum in the Presidio, a historic military base inside the city. The Fishers would prefer to keep the priceless collection in San Francisco, perhaps at the De Young or at the SFMOMA, but after the rejection of their standalone museum idea, other art museums are actively wooing the couple. [LATimes]
• Australian Merino lambs are routinely mulesed — that is, they have the skin around their buttocks cut off, often without anaesthetic, to prevent a disease called flystrike, which occurs when flies lay maggots in the folds of the lambs' skin, and those maggots then commence eating the animals' flesh. Although flystrike is horrifying, many animal rights activists are even more aghast at the mulesing, and with Australian farmers now announcing that they will fail to meet an agreed-upon 2010 deadline for ending the practice, some top fashion chains are discussing a ban on Australian merino wool. In which case, might I suggest New Zealand merino as an alternative? New Zealand is already phasing out mulesing. [Guardian]
• Heidi Klum had to close her five-year-old jewelry line because of a trademark infringement lawsuit from Van Cleef & Arpels, who objected to her use of its signature clover design. "We stopped because we had a lawsuit with Van Cleef & Arpels — they wanted to have the clover, even though our designs had never matched," said the supermodel. "I think when you're a small company, which we are, we're not a Van Cleef — they have a thousand lawyers. I'm a small fry next to that." [LATimes]
• Imagine the delicate hell of being a parts model: "Most people can walk away from work when they're done with a job, but parts models can't, because [our parts] have to be flawless. I moisturize 20 to 30 times a day, and wear gloves 90 percent of the time," says hand model Ashley Covington. [CNN]
• Coach C.E.O. Lew Frankfort, who has been with the company for 30 years, extended his contract until 2013. [Crain's]
• Paula Dorf cosmetics is bankrupt. The company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, owing more than 50 creditors a total of $3.9 million. [Crain's]
• K Swiss lost $11.5 million in the second quarter of this year. Last year, they made a $26.4 million profit in the same period. [WWD]
• Astoundingly, high-end children's clothing is also suffering in this economy. A Connecticut store that sold $995 Peter Som girls' dresses close its doors this summer, and companies are dialing back their kids lines. [WSJ]
• A new strategy in the open question of how, and whom, to sue over the online trade in counterfeit luxury goods: after the failure to get auction sites like eBay held accountable — L'Oréal lost its multi-million-dollar suit, and Steve Madden had to drop its lawsuit just last week — Gucci has hit upon suing the credit card processing companies. The lawsuit accuses the companies of facilitating the sale of fake purses, and names the companies "full partners in those counterfeiting activities." Gucci has already wrangled a $5.2 million settlement from the Laurette Company, which runs the website TheBagAddiction.com, where counterfeit bags were often sold, and the credit card processing companies are those companies which worked closely with Laurette. [Reuters]

This event kinda felt like some kind of hideous Nero-fiddling end of days scenario worthy of Hieronymous Bosch. (And yes, that's mixing metaphors.) I mean, wouldn't Daisy Lowe's cut-offs have been bad enough in their long incarnation?


Everyone knows Adam Green is whimsical. But just in case you didn't, here he is making deer antlers while wearing skin-tight sky-blue skinny jeans and a pair of pointy-toed Oxfords.


Even Karolina Kurkova has adopted the "hellish" dress code: she apparently skinned Snuffaluffagus to make her coat.


Richie Rich, at least, is true to "sinister mime" form.


Micah Jesse says "fuck you" to L.A. but he's saying "Peace" to L.A., too. I'm confused.


Look, I like Peter, Bjorn and John too, but is Michelle Edgar weirded out by Peter Moren's sweaty shirt? And is he weirded out by the fact that he shares a name with one of the founders of the Catholic Worker? Not that I'm saying he should be.


Aaaaaand...here it is. Mischa Barton's DIY Spider Woman.


I thought you needed to see that again.


[Images via Getty]

• "I'm not a designer," says Emma Watson. "If someone asked me to do something that was beneficial to a cause, then maybe I'd consider it, but not just ‘Look at me! I've got my own line!'" And as for perfume:

• "[It's] gotten so ridiculous," continues the actress. "The idea of making my own perfume makes me want to vomit." There's a joke about Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans in here somewhere. [WWD]
• The Cut did this awesome thing where they analyzed couture week by the numbers. Ever wondered how many feathers Jean Paul Gaultier uses in his couture collection? (Approximately 10,000.) Or the length of the train on Lara Stone's Chanel couture wedding dress? (200 meters.) Or the number of false eyelashes used for the Maison Martin Margiela eyelash vest? (275.) Well, now you can know all that — and much more. [The Cut]
• Madonna's back-up dancers wear Brooks Brothers. Who knew? [WWD]
• Simon Cowell and Sir Philip Green are forming an entertainment company together that'll span music, television, and fashion and other merchandising — and rumor has it they've signed Kate Moss to be a figurehead for the fashion division, and to act as a talent scout for new musical artists. [Daily Mail]
• Karolina Kurkova and her documentarian ex-Marine boyfriend are expecting their first child together. Blahopřejeme! [P6]
• Anthropologie is collaborating with the estate of print designer Vera Neumann, who started her business just after WWII by using surplus parachute silk for fabric and whose stated goal was to make one new print design every day of her life (she died with some 7,000 to her name). In addition to reproducing plates, bedding, and other homewares with Neumann's distinctive designs, Anthropologie is doing a book about Neumann, out next March. [W]
• Now this is just weird. For her Fall '09 campaign, Donna Karan decided to use runway photographs — all fine and good. But her creative team obviously Photoshopped the head of her chosen campaign model, Toni Garrn, onto the bodies of Sasha Pivovarova and Anya Kazakova. Anya and Sasha were in the show, had their pictures taken on the runway, and as Fashionologie's side-by-side shots prove, they now have both been digitally replaced from the neck up by Toni Garrn. (From the looks of things, Karlie Kloss was also Photoshopped into the background of the campaign images.) If Karan hasn't paid Kazakova, Pivovarova and Kloss for being featured in the campaign, their agencies have an awfully good case to make. [Fashionologie]
• Vivienne Westwood: "Take the tablecloth if it's beautiful and even take a towel if it's good enough, or the curtains or anything, and put things together yourself. Take things from your husband or your boyfriend, like boxer shorts or whatever — and you can take a beautiful thing as well and put it with a bit of rubbish. Don't spend money, just take what you can find. Take your old things, keep on wearing them. Don't buy much fashion anymore, but if you do buy it, choose really well, wear it for a long time, till it sort of drops off your back, it'll get even more wonderful, maybe. Even if it's horrible, if you wear it for ages it'll probably look better. Forget all this business with the washing machine and buying all these clothes. Choose well, if it's dirty, don't bother. Dirt is patina. It's patina." "Dirt is patina" is totally our new catchphrase. [WoW]
• Christian Audigier has denied that he is working on a line of kids' clothing with Jon Gosselin. [UPI]
• Of course there would be a product tie-in. Kooba is producing bags named after the female characters in NYC Prep. They're brightly colored and have gold-toned hardware, which is to say that they look like Kooba bags — and they cost $595. [Luxist]
• Balmain is said to be starting a handbag business. Buyers in Paris are being shown pre-collection samples in a half-dozen styles. We imagine anything in studded, black fringed leather, done in Christophe Decarnin's hot-right-now style, would sell like the proverbial hot cakes. [WWD]
• Oh, Jesus. What is this? Lara Stone is not a U.S. Size 6. (And by no method of conversion is a U.K. Size 8 a U.S. Size 6!) Pull the other one. Have you ever seen Lara Stone? Don't be distracted by her (awesome) boobies: she has a small frame and strikingly narrow hips. Certain fashion writers may long for that brief early 90s interregnum when certain models could be a Size 6, but the way to get back there is not to seize upon a buxom Size 2 girl and insert her into your Procrustean narrative. [The Cut]
• If you speak Italian, maybe you might want to watch this Italian television segment about Terry Richardson's Pirelli Calendar shoot in Bahia, Brazil. Given the nature of the Pirelli Calendar, it is NSFW. [BlackBook]
• Come this September, for $39, you will be able to buy a "limited edition" biscuit tin, printed with an Erin Fetherston fashion sketch and filled with six packets of LU cookies. This was totally one of those partnerships finalized before the recession. [WWD]
• U.S. Customs and Border Protection seized over 800 items of counterfeit Izod, Old Navy, and Gap denim items at a port in Charleston, South Carolina. The haul had an estimated value of over $727,000. [WWD]
• After having to expensively back out of a Fifth Avenue lease for a planned flagship store, and after announcing the need to refinance some $170 million in debt this spring, Marc Ecko is putting his company's 275,000 sq. ft. 23rd St. headquarters on the market. If anyone needs an office with a half basketball court, now's your time — the price is "negotiable." [Crain's via CityFile, which has pictures]
• Gene McCarthy is leaving his position as co-president of Timberland, effective the end of this week. The company would not explain the departure. [WWD]

• Naomi Campbell: "Some people can handle a drink or a line of cocaine, but I've finally come to realize that for me, it's all or nothing — and it has to be nothing." [E! Online]

• Even Campbell's bons mots are more fun to read than this toothless interview of Stella McCartney. "We love your Spring collections in particular. Do you prefer warm-weather dressing?" is a such a softball it must have hit the ground with a pathetic squish. [FabSugar]
• They could have engaged the famously vegan designer on the topic of eco fabrics, for one. Pharrell Williams just launched a new company, Bionic Yarn, which makes textiles out of plastic bottles. "We want to do everything from high-end luggage to high-end denim, to university caps and gowns to Parks Department uniforms," said the star. [NYDN]
• On Thursday, there were already 15 men lined up outside a sneaker boutique in Las Vegas, in anticipation of the store's launch of Kanye West's Air Yeezy sneakers. Those don't go on sale until Saturday. "I'm having the time of my life," said 30-year-old Wesley Ramos, as he braved what UPI's reporter described as "the chilly wind chill factor." (It got down to 35 with wind gusts of 58 mph in Vegas on Thursday night.) Another man, 29, was on his honeymoon. [UPI]
• This man treats Nylon as though it were the artifact of an alien culture obsessed with headbands and ducking nimbly under the advertising/editorial cordon. (Which is pretty much how we read it!) "The art direction is first-rate hipster," notes the reviewer, on the occasion of the mag's 10th birthday, but it "is filled with enough awkward syntax to wear out a grease pencil, not to mention such errors as tense switching and missing punctuation." Twenty-six interns, and nary a copy-editor. [MediaPost]
• Uniqlo, the Japanese fast-fashion chain that's pushes an aesthetic that's like a less sexist American Apparel, is going gangbusters in the recession. Sales have risen 13% at the company in the last six months. (The chain keeps costs down by manufacturing in low-wage countries like Cambodia.) [BBC]
• A company figured out a way to provide special content just for flatscreens in bars. And what did they come up with? Images of Karolina Kurkova, Gisele Bundchen, and Carla Bruni-Sarkozy strutting down the runway in lingerie. [P6]
• Former model Donna Michelle Anderson, who is biracial, writes about what it was like to see "No ragazze di colore" ("no colored girls") signs at castings in Milan. And she thinks it's entirely fair for Michelle Obama to forgo Calvin Klein's and Donna Karan's offerings (the two American designers were among several to complain recently about being ignored by the fashionable first lady) given the two each used virtually entirely white runways casts for their last shows. [HuffPo]
• Billy Joel's wife Katie Lee spends a lot of time with the designer Yigal Azrouel, who is a) straight and b) hot. THEY MUST BE HAVING AN AFFAIR!!! [National Enquirer]

In an article published in the latest issue of The FASEB Journal, Sinkkonen proposes that the "symmetry, shape, and position of umbilicus can be used to estimate the reproductive potential of fertile females, including risks of certain genetically and maternally inherited fetal anomalies." He found that people have very clear preferences for their belly buttons, preferring those that are only slightly indented (so never outies!), t-shaped or oval, and a little hooded. Sinkkonen suggests that abnormal bellybuttons may indicate a risk of several fetal abnormalities. However, in case you are feeling bad about your outie, or heavily-hooded navel, Sinkkonen says: "Don't worry. Nobody's perfect except Angelina Jolie." [LiveScience]

• ...Just like Lance Armstrong, Hitler, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the other dudes with a single testicle.
• But as far as we know, those dudes have bellybuttons, unlike Karolina Kurkova, the no-navel icon.
• She may have a navel, but Lori Drew has no soul.
• Michelle Obama has a soul and, according to an obsessed Salon scribe, a big butt.

• Do vampires like big butts? Maybe we'll find out as Twilight mania takes over the nation.
• Vampires seem rather chivalrous, unlike many modern men, so at least they'd let your big butt in the cab first.
• Speaking of nether regions, one time Carrie Fisher's mom got her a vibrator for Christmas.
• A wrap dress will cover up your business (usually), but is it ever flattering?
• Victoria's Secret fashion show: covering your business in maribou since 1977.
• You guys. Thank effing Gawd it's Friday! So eat, read celebrity gossip on the internet and nap the day away. You deserve it!

• In a video, skeevy CEO Dov Charney claims that "there's a conspiracy against celebrities in the Hollywood area" and that "the judges are generally patriarchal, they don't want to give celebrities a chance." Down with the patriarchy! [The Street]
• Word is, Katie Holmes shot her Miu Miu campaign yesterday. [Fashionologie]
• More inaugural gown sketches! We're not feeling 'em. [Politico]
• Colombian bulletproof jackets were inspired by our trigger-happy Veep. “This is a new market for us. Dick Cheney has helped raise awareness of accidents." [Think Progress]
• Thakoon, maker of Michelle Obama's "reverse kimono" DNC dress, has discontinued the design. [WSJ]

• Rich kid Peaches Geldof's music and fashion tips! "Most people who know me know I don’t follow fashion. I mean, I just dyed the tips of my hair blue for God’s sake. I hate stars who look totally overstyled, like Victoria Beckham; give me Courtney Love, with her babydoll nighties and ripped fishnet tights, any day. For me, fashion is about pushing boundaries. Vivienne Westwood once told me that people who aren’t creative or have no love for art don’t dress up, I asked her why people should and she replied simply, 'Because it’s fun.' Sage advice." [Nylon]
• DNR, the men's trade fashion mag, has been folded into WWD. [Fashionista]
• Steve & Barry's liquidates. [WWD]
• So does Bill Blass New York. [WWD]
• Cathy Horyn's all about Norma Kamali for Wal-Mart. Maybe we can call it...VallMa? [New York Times]
• Gap surpasses Wall Street's third quarter expectations. [Reuters]
• Liz Claiborne, however, is hit hard. [WWD]
• 80's icon Romeo Gigli is back, baby. "I have never created for 'someone' in particular, always for 'anyone' willing to take a journey of the imagination made up of dissonant harmonies, freedom and sharing." [IHT]
• Hoping to offset shopping malaise, Fifth Avenue outdoes itself with Christmas decorations. [IHT]
• Madonna's astroturf special? It's Vuitton. [New York]
• Mod maven Mary Quant unveils her special-edition stamp. [Sassybella]
• Modestly belly-buttoned moddle Karolina Kurkova has been voted "World's Sexiest Woman" by E. [InventorSpot]
• Beyonce's Japanese ads for “Samantha Thavasa” handbags — with singer Takuya Kimura — are pretty cool. [LifeFiles]

The BBC talks to 26-year-old Rob Swainson, who had surgery right after his birth, to correct the fact that he was born with his stomach and intestines poking through a hole in the abdominal wall. He has a "cross-shaped scar" instead of a belly button. "I thought about having one constructed when I was getting interested in girls, but not for long," he says. "You only have to look at Michael Jackson to realize it's probably best to live with what you've got." Because yeah, having an artificial navel made sounds weird. But! Doctors do it all the time, the BBC reports. For people who have tummy tucks or hernias. A plastic surgeon will create a belly button.

And the comments on this BBC story are fascinating. "Riv" writes:

I too was short-changed a navel at birth; although to this day I have no idea why. I suspect being born three months premature via caesarean section may have meant the tissue was pliable enough to gently set into a mild indentation. Any doctors out there who can confirm? I used to tell people I was grown in a vat…

"Maureen" idenifies with Karolina:

I have exactly the same sort of smooth indentation. It's the result of a repair of an umbilical hernia when I was two years old, 65 years ago. For many years now this operation, if done in the UK, would be completed with a cosmetic belly button. Perhaps The Czech republic hadn't caught up with the modern technique 24 years ago.

There's this amusing anecdote from "Bill":

Sixty years ago I was house-surgeon to a London surgeon, a real Lancelot Spratt character. He thought the umbilicus was a nasty dirty place and when operating on anyone's abdomen he would, without permission or consultation, cut it out. My job was to invent some story to tell the patient why it had been necessary. How times have changed.

And, lastly, wise words from "Edward" :

Adam and Eve didn't have belly buttons either.

Who Doesn't Have A Belly Button? [BBC News]
Victoria's Secret Model Karolina Kurkova And The Riddle Of Her Missing Belly Button [Daily Mail]

• Anna Wintour may be hanging up the Prada: "She's thinking of retiring. She feels she's done it all and had enough. She has been putting out feelers to intimate friends recommending a possible replacement to S.I. Newhouse. She's so tired out, she just let Men's Vogue close instead of fighting for it." [New York Post]
• David Lynch... for Gucci? Check it. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Speaking of Gucci campaigns, if you really need a Rihanna fix? "This e-film documentary showcases Rihanna and Frida on the set of the UNICEF 2009 holiday ad campaign, Rihanna at the Gucci Winter Ready-to-Wear show in September, Rihanna and Frida discussing sketches and more." [People]
• We're kinda digging Liela Moss, McQueen's new rocker "muse": "It’s sort of preposterous and delightful at the same time. I feel like I’d be a bit of an a—hole if I was really lapping it up too much, but obviously it helps you feel more justified about what you’re doing, your performances." [WWD]

• Rumor has it that the as-yet-confirmed Madonna is being handsomely rewarded for the not-yet-confirmed Vuitton campaign. [New York Post]
• Alexander Wang on his CFDA award: "Four years ago I was reading about this award in my dorm room in a magazine." Well, he's only 24. [Style.com]
• "Founded by the Council of Fashion Designers of America and Vogue, the (CFDA) fund is seen as an accelerator of fashion careers. Previous winners were Rogan in 2007, Doo-Ri Chung in 2006, Trovata in 2005 and Proenza Schouler in 2004. Past runners-up were 3.1 Phillip Lim, Philip Crangi Jewelry, Rodarte, Thakoon, Derek Lam, Thom Browne, Cloak and Habitual." [WWD]
• Beyonce's "robo-glove" is freaking people out. "She has been wearing the metal contraption (custom-made for her by jeweler Lorraine Schwartz) onstage and off since launching her Single Ladies video last month." [USA Today]
• She's also feeling Brit designers these days. Say Brits. [Telegraph]
• Paging Orwell: this new scanner allows you to scan strangers' "barcodes" and look them up online. [Wired]
• NYC belles: Uniqlo's giving away high-tech gear from those freaky "human vending machines" in Times Square today. [Gothamist]
• A perfume company is suing Prince for breach of contract. And he seems like such a reliable businessman! [WWLTV]
• Serge Mouange, "a Cameroon-born, Paris-raised, Tokyo-based" designer, is making kimonos from traditional African textiles. They're gorgeous. [BoingBoing]
• Steve Madden brings his big-heads to the bed & bath market. [Breitbart]
• "Fashion and retail titan" François-Henri Pinault is going green. [W]
• Although strong, Burberry's outlook increasingly cautious. [WSJ]
• Karolina Kurkova has no belly button. "It disappears in photos, so we keep a collection of belly button shots in different positions, and Photoshop them on to her whenever she’s doing a bikini picture." [Daily Mail]
• Shoshonna's clothes, commitment to curves, are great. [Huffington Post]
• Some wonder how designers can make Barbie fashion, given the doll's, um, unusual measurements. [Times of London]
• After rescue attempt, Steve & Barry's faces closure again. [WSJ]
• Check it: McQueen for Target. we're withholding judgment. [Racked]
• Paris gets on the YSL retrospective bandwagon for 2010. [WWD]

It occurs to me that frequently in these columns, there is a moment where, finally alone and generally late into the night of a long day, I find myself reduced to tears by some list of knocks and slights. Perhaps this only means I need a new device; I don’t think of myself as such a sad sack figure as all that. But this week, actually the night after my spirit-crushing turn as a volunteer clotheshorse for a designer who most definitely could have afforded to pay me, my sadness metastasized not into tears, but into a rage-inflected political platform that just might transform my industry.

Well, OK, first I cried. Then I thought: models should unionize to work for better conditions and rates of pay.

It’s a common misconception that modeling is easy, safe and highly lucrative — the reality is that the girls with the million-dollar campaigns are so rare I wouldn’t believe they actually existed if I didn’t see them at night clubs during fashion week. Most models I know are lucky if they are working at all; between agency commissions (70% in Paris, 50% in Milan, 20% in New York), travel expenses, and rent in the various pricey cities in which we are required to live, your eventual wages come so garnished I’ve known plenty of models who can’t always afford food. Even the girls who are lucky enough to work every day are doing well if they break even, and can sneak off to Germany or Los Angeles or Hong Kong and make a quick buck shooting catalog jobs every once in a while.

And safe? Once I was staying with a girl from Seattle in a shitty one-bedroom (total number of models: six! Minimum in rent our agency would’ve made from the shitty one-bedroom that month, assuming a consistent model population: $5400!). We were both on option for the same editorial (daily rate: $150 and lunch). She got the job.

She returned home nine hours later, hair and body painted silver. The magazine was doing a “green” issue; this eco-conscious theme was enacted in, variously, shots in which the poor Seattle girl had a tulip plant placed in her mouth, shots in which she had to lie on top of a scratchy 8 ft. hedgerow while the photographer shot from a crane, and shots in which she closed her eyes and shards of broken glass were applied to her face. They put dirt in her mouth and glass on her eyelids and painted her silver from head to toe. My roommate showered twice and vomited once that night.

Models have incredibly short-lived careers, and our collective youth, third-world origins, and the instability of the market we work in makes our bargaining positions, individually, weak. For every 15-year-old wunderkind who stalks 40 runways a season and books $100,000 perfume campaigns for college money, there are at least a hundred girls who turn 25 with a few grand in bank at best, realize their careers are over, and that they never graduated high school.

It’s also no wonder given how close many models are to insolvency that there are areas where modeling shades into prostitution; modeling sort of prepares you — trains you, even — to see your income in your own body. And also to hang around with plenty of creepy, older, rich dudes. A + B can = C. The BBC did an exposé in 2000 that caught Milanese businessmen on hidden camera trying to buy sex from models as young as 13 in night clubs, and uncovered evidence of agency bookers acting as procurers and drug dealers. In the furor that ensued, Gérard Marie and Xavier Moreau, two top executives at the Elite agency, lost their jobs. The industry promised a clean-up. There was talk of “standards,” of girls younger than 17 being accompanied by chaperones at all times, of blacklisting clients who used or promoted drugs.

Gérard Marie — who was filmed soliciting a reporter who he thought was a model for sex — is currently back at the helm of Elite Paris. I do not know if the man who explained his desire to sleep with underaged models thusly: “We are men, we have our needs” has reformed. I do know that such episodes of revolving-door contrition and forgiveness fill me with disgust, and that one of the biggest tasks of any models’ union would be to keep its membership safe.

A union would also offer, obviously, the benefits of collective bargaining. The overwhelming counterweight of the fashion business class’s wealth give models an unacceptably weak negotiating position. A union could help insure models’ best long-term interests are served by their jobs — a union could argue for retirement benefits, and, in the USA, health insurance coverage. A union could mandate that sufficient time be given for models under 16 to attend school, without setting back their careers. A union could also serve as a voice for models’ interests in the ongoing debate over what is perhaps our biggest immediate health issue — the slightly-underweight physique we are required to maintain. A union could protest and shame under- and non-paying clients, a union could mandate that appropriate food be available at every job, and a union could ensure that conditions on the job site always meet safety standards, so nobody has to pose covered in broken glass or eat dirt ever again.

The obvious counterpoint to modeling is, of course, acting. The Screen Actors’ Guild does an admirable job of representing the interests of a workforce that is dispersed over a vast geography, and which enjoys short-term contract-based employment, when it gets employment at all. It’s ironic that one of the reasons commercial modeling — catalogs, television ads and their ilk — is so rewarding when compared with high-fashion modeling — magazine editorials, runway, etc — is because of SAG’s vigilance; commercial castings in Los Angeles are not infrequently stated union jobs. And even the ones that are non-union are pretty highly paid. I have friends who are only able to work full-time in Paris because they have commercials still airing in the U.S., and receive the appropriate checks quarterly.

Individually, we are weak, and wealthy white men manage to make an awful lot of cash off our bodies and labor. Collectively, we could hold the industry we work in to a higher standard, and perhaps even change the nature of fashion itself. I imagine the union would have an awful lot to say, for instance, about those clients who put “NO ETHNICS” on their casting notices, and those agencies who fail to notice, or care, that certain of their charges have eating disorders.

Of course there are plenty of reasons to doubt any of this will come to pass. The economy is especially dreadful right now; any moves to unionize would be viewed as a threat by the class that controls the fashion capital. Besides, every year there’s a new raft of 14-year-olds from countries with economies far shittier than ours, and these 14-year-olds are all six feet tall and very, very hungry. And, through no fault of their own, they exercise a huge deflationary force on the modeling labor market. But it occurred to me, as I was working that presentation for that designer who amuses herself by collecting Picasso, that the reason she was paying the security guards at the event and not me was because the security guards have a union. And I don’t.

I want to at least try my best to change that.

E-mail Tatiana at Tatiana.Anymodel@gmail.com

Earlier: Welcome To America, Models! Tatiana Can't Wait For The Extra Competition. It Was Almost Getting Too Easy.

Related:

Model Bosses Quit After BBC Exposé [BBC]
Girls Interrupted [NY Mag]

• Rumors are swirling that Aggy will be making her "major" acting debut this holiday season as Dr. Who's "Christmas companion" (don't look at me) in the show's major 12/25 episode. [Gallifreyone.com]
• It takes a lot to replace Naomi Campbell. After, ahem, legal troubles prevented the beleaguered mannequin from walking in Rosa Cha's Sao Paolo swimsuit show, her replacement (a guy (?)) sauntered out in a Speedo, which he summarily doffed on the runway. [Page Six]
• And speaking of male nudity...Borat-style banana hammocks have hit the runways, hard. [News.com.au]
• Blind item!!! "Which Italian designer told a woman he was groping on a dance floor that he likes "slutty girls who dress badly"? She pointed out she was wearing one of his dresses." How many straight Italian designers can there be, anyway? [Daily News]

• Curiosity of the moment, Vogue-intern-cum-hockey-player Sean Avery, talks about his time at 4 Times Square: "I like clothes," Avery writes. "Always have. What started innocently enough with my first tie-dyed Chip & Pepper shirt at age 12 has evolved over a decade and a half into a closet full of Dries Van Noten, YSL, Dior, and Costume National, to name just a few." [E!]
• Making a mental note to never hit the beaches of Sao Paolo, where the press just savaged Karolina Kurkova's "cellulite" and "back fat" in a recent runway show. [TMZ]
• Charities feeling the economic pinch. [WWD]
• Tom Ford dresses Daniel Craig, James Bond. [Los Angeles Times]
• More on Vidal Sassoon's Habitat for Humanity project: [WWLTV]
• The cardigan is risky business, as Roger Federer found out firsthand: "Federer resembled nothing more than an aging Harry Potter, although one suspects that this was not the effect he was aiming for." [The Independent]
• "Recession-proof" fashion mag digest, Distill, aimed at YOU! [Guardian]
• Luxury market needs to get with the times: not taking advantage of online marketing! [Time]
• More retailers felled by recession. [WWD]
• "The reason that Yohji Yamamoto gives for staging the first fashion show in the Ancestral Temple of Beijing's Forbidden City seems highly suited to his enigmatic image. 'For me, the name sounded so beautiful,' he whispers, backstage after the night-time event. 'I liked the idea of the forbidden.'" ("What the hell?" I whispered.) [The Independent]
• "Femme" awards nods boost designer spirits. [WWD]
• Jemima Khan (aka Hugh Grant's sometimes-paramour) is designing a capsule collection for French house Azzaro. [ElleUK]
• Patricia Field for Diet Coke? Twenty-five limited-edition sets of four Pat-designed bottles (representing career, passion, love, and fashion) sell for $100 each on her web site or in London at Selfridges. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Following in my footsteps, Vera Wang to guest-blog. [Sassybella]
• Tom Ford returns to Milan. [WWD]

Please welcome guest blogger Lesley Arfin, who will be doing much of our fashion coverage this week. Her first assignment? The Good, The Bad & The Ugly, in which she is thrown into the lion's den that is country "couture".

Last night the Academy of Country Music Awards were held in the city that most reminds us of country music...Las Vegas! (Warning: I don't know who 97% of these people are. Whatever though, it's the country music awards, are we really supposed to?) I was looking forward to BIG country hair and BIG country jewels and BIG country boobs, but instead we got new country, which is a little bit rock 'n roll, and little bit snooze. Although Nicole and Keith made beautiful sartorial music, ladies like Laura Bryan and Maureen McCormick weren't quite able to sort it out. Where's Dolly when you need her? The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly of the Academy of Country Music Awards, after the jump.

The Good


Nicole Kidman's baby looks so hot in this photo. It's like a surprise wrapped in a gift wrapped in near perfection.

This sassy number is country music appropriate.

A strapping suit, a lot of giggles, and a little bit of bald=my type of man.

I like this dress and even though it's weirdly too big, at least it doesn't make me yawn.

Karolina Kurkova looks happy and sexy and also minty.

Something tells me Ryan Kwanten has a gentle southern twang and that something is called love.

I ain't mad at a lil country dazzle.
The Bad

Chuck Wicks doesn't look that bad (albeit a tad Gossip Girl) but what's with his "tie?" He's like, way too casual about not having a tie and it just being...a string? I think not my friend. (We'd never be friends).

Snoozefest.org

Boringsville.her

Oh shit, someone accidentally silkscreened an Aztec placemat onto Fisher Stevenson's shirt. Do you think he knows?

It's funny how I liked that green dress but not this blue one. Life is funny like that sometimes.

I understand the concept behind this dress, like "I'm gonna wow them with red!" but it's not wowing, it's hurting. Sorry.

The Ugly

I wonder which stylist told Laura Bryan it was ok to wear her crushed velvet Victoria's Secret pajamas to an awards show?

Maureen McCormick looks a little too Grimmace-esque in this number.

This dress is like a cloud mixed with feathers mixed with not good. I actually made this dress. Just kidding.

If you're lookin' at country, you're definitely NOT looking at "Hollywood" Don. Yes, that's his name.

The Good:
Christy Turlington glows in a red dress in an unexpected silhouette.
Emily Mortimer went a little gladiator for the superhero theme.
Stella McCartney and Kate Moss shine perfectly.
Camilla Belle looks wrapped in clouds.
If I were Christina Ricci, I would never ever ever take this dress off. Ever. It is one of the greatest things I have ever seen. Love. Speechless. Sigh.
Diane Kruger looks a little bit like the Tin Man, but I love that she went for a short dress. Also, love love the shoes.
Iman. Always perfect. What else is new?
Kate Mara! Yellow! Yes! Yes!
Tom Cruise looks weirder than normal, but Katie Holmes looks fantastic, which of course I hate to say. But there's no denying all that red.
Dear Mischa Barton: Strip and give me that dress right now. Kthanxbai.
Please God let my face age like Natasha Richardson's.
Rachel Bilson looks like a total freak and I love. Clearly, she mistook "superheroes" to mean "Morticia Addams."
ScarJo is simultaneously old school and somewhat infantalized in her D&G but she looks hot, so good for her.
I still am not entirely sure who Taylor Swift is, but I like her chainmail-esque dress.
Sorry, you just can't hate on Victoria Beckham.
Emmy Rossum is a head-turner in this black-and-white floral frock.
Claudia Schiffer's dress is downright ethereal. Valentino is downright orange.
Ellen Barkin manages to always play it classy.
Jessica Stam is sorta a bad ass!
Michelle Trachtenberg? Or Liza at Studio 54?
Molly Sims must know my weakness for the color yellow.
Call me a crazy motherfucker, but Wendi Deng looks incredible.
Almost-goth Amanda Peet is fabulous.
Um, I love that Amber Valetta's dress has wings.
I totally heart you and your kick-ass black dress Ashley Olsen.
Can we discuss how awesome it is that Barbara Walters is there with Charlie Rose?
Claire Danes is sorta channeling Angela here, no?
This is seriously the best I have ever seen Fergie look.
Yeah, same for Hilary Duff.
Lake Bell went for it.
Lauren Bush is one class act in royal purple.
Margherita Missoni: Crazy-awesome.
Michelle Monahagan should only ever wear copper. Wow.
Paula Patton: Pretty.
Sofia's shiny drop-waisted number is delightful.
Tilda Swinton? Or Mr. Roboto?
Vera Wang and Karolina Kurkova play their metallics en suite.
Be my flamenco dancer, Ingrid van der Bosch.
Maggie Gyllenhaal knows you gotta go big or go home.
Venus Williams is a beacon of light.
Be still my heart, Zoe Kravitz-as-a-Clara Bow.
Bee Shaffer's dress is phenomenal. But why is Andre Leon Talley relegated to straightening her train?!

[Images via Getty.]

• Poor Marc Jacobs. First the world calls him crazy, now he's caught up in a bribery scandal. Turns out that the superintendent of NYC's 69th Regiment Armory, where Jacobs' shows are held each season, demanded little cash prezzies upwards of $30,000 from Marc et al in order for him to grant them permission to show there. KCD, the PR firm that handles Marc Jacobs, is allegedly responsible for making the pay-offs. [WWD]
  
• Meanwhile, Marc has invited K-Fed to sit front row at his show tomorrow night! [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• Happy Birthday, Horrible Hagyness. [WWD, 5th item]
  
• Fashion Week is bad for Chloe Sevigny's self-esteem, "Fashion week makes me feel very self-critical. Like I'm not wearing the right thing or looking the right way. It's stressful." [WWD, 9th item]

• Samsonite creative director Quentin Mackay on why the company has tapped Chloe to collaborate on the design for the company's Black Label collection: "She has that vintage attitude. Her films are always off-the-cuff so it fits perfectly with the vintage modern feel. Design is always one step backwards, two steps forward." We think he meant that as a compliment, and yet... [Fashion Week Daily]
• What do male models do when they're no longer male models? Why, they do quickie sketches of fashion shows, of course. Former model Blue Logan (and yes, we keep reading that as Blue Lagoon, too) sits in the front row and draws the crowds and as many of the looks as he can while the show goes on. Also, he owns a night club. [Vogue UK]
• Ooh Amy Adams on the March cover of ELLE: Love. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Actress Lindsay Price on why she loves Cosmo: "My parents never taught us about the birds and the bees. They sat us down to watch Blue Lagoon and assumed that would be how we learned about sex, but Cosmo came to the rescue." [Fashion Week Daily]
• "I don't know anything cool that's going on!": Julia Restoin Roitfeld. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Seriously, how is "Would you change your style for a man?" even a legit question to ask? [FabSugar]
• Mazel Tov to Tommy Hilfiger on his engagement to girlfriend Dee Ocleppo. [Page Six]
• Also to Alex von Furstenberg (son of Diane), who is engaged to firmly-legal girlfriend Ali Kay. [Page Six]
• Victoria's Secret model Karolina Kurkova will be starring in the live-action movie of G.I. Joe. [Page Six]
• First John Deere made tractors, now it's making jeans. [BrandWeek]
• What a shocker: Children's sweatshirts made in China have been shown to have a defective pullstring that has been known to strangle children. [UPI]
• Nicole Kidman's bathing suit: Now feeding entire impoverished villages. [NYT]

• Miramax mogul Harvey Weinstein and Marchesa co-designer Georgina Chapman got hitched on Saturday night at Weinstein's home in Westport, CT. The bride wore Marchesa, the groom Tom Ford, the Gypsy Kings gave a private concert and even Vogue's Anna Wintour attended. Also there: Model Natalia Vodianova, celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe, Renée Zellweger, Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony, Anne Hathaway and Cameron Diaz (all of whom, sadly, need no further introduction). [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Chapman designed not one but two gowns for her wedding: One for the ceremony and one for the reception. Modest! [GlamChic]
  
• This year's CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fun big winner Rogan Gregory is rumored to be the next designer to do a collection for Target, thus confirming Moe's theory that designers go straight from Vogue to the red bullseye, lovingly guided by Anna Wintour herself. [WWD, 2nd item]

• God bless Valentino. The man denied his retirement for an eternity, then announced he was retiring, then threw himself a giant party for the anniversary of his label, and now — just for good measure — he is being honored by the mayor of Paris with an honorary citizenship to the city. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Victoria Beckham's "V-Sculpt' make-up line scares us even more than Victoria Beckham's sculpted boobs. [BellaSugar]
• Oh Lord: Who would want Tara Reid to be the face of anything? Yet alone "sleepwear." [Sassybella]
• High Grant ex/English socialite Jemima Khan has designed a charm bracelet to benefit some charitable cause. The charms on the bracelet represent the five major world religions. Says Khan of her design, "I have been personally connected to the three Abrahamic religions: Judaism through my paternal grandfather, Christianity through my mother, and Islam through my marriage and my children." Well doesn't that make her special! [Fashion Week Daily]
• All that talk about Vivienne Westwood moving her show back to London from Paris? Sorta bullshit. Westwood will only be showing her secondary line, Red Label, in Mother England. The eponymous shit will still show en Paris. [Vogue UK]
• YSL designer Stefano Pilati has decided that runway shows and scary and impersonal so he will be showing the YSL menswear collection in a presentation and a private dinner this season instead. Touching is permitted. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Oh no! Another cryptic e-mail from ELLE's Gilles Bensimon! Really, someone please stage an intervention and soon. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Another reason to love/loathe Topshop: Launching collections ''collaborated" on by English designers Jonathan Saunders, Louise Goldin, Christopher Kane, Marios Schwab, Todd Lynn and Richard Nicoll starting in mid-January. [WWD, 5th item]
• Herve Leger is back! And now designed under the Max Azria label. Um, ok? [WWD, 4th item]

Life & Style: Angie and Brad are over and out. Though "sources" claim both are ready to move on, we're doubtful, as dutiful dad Brad was home, happily taking care of the kiddies while Angelina was out at a Tribeca Film Festival afterparty, getting cuddly with former flame (and recent Kylie Minogue-ex) Olivier Martinez. Life & Style insists, however, that Brangelina will continue to keep up appearances, the better promote their upcoming film, A Mighty Heart. Forget doing it for the kids, do it for the dollars!

US Weekly: This mag is all over Angelina's steamy film festival night out as well, going so far as to say that the actress gave her Taking Lives co-star Martinez a lap dance and continued on with some grinding on the dance floor. Says a clearly horrified witness to the carnal carnage, "You don't act that way in a committed relationship." USalso whips out an expert body language reader for a weighing-in. Her conclusion? Angelina likes Olivier. Olivier likes... Angelina's son Maddox.

InTouch: It's an altogether different tale here, namely, that Brad and Angelina are in the throes of a major menage a trois with Victoria's Secret model Karolina Kurkova. Although Karolina has a boyfriend of four years who claims he's never even met Mr. & Mrs. Smith sexpots, clearly the proof is in the pudding: Kurkova told New York magazine that she would like to see Angie as the next U.S. president. (If that doesn't say sure-fire sex scandal, we don't know what does).

Star: In a pathetic, "everyone-else-is-talking-about-Brangelina-so-we-better-find-something-to-say-and-soon" move, Star revives the Angelina's In Love With Her Brother rumor, asserting that Angelina's sibling James is coming between her and Brad. A word of advice to Star's new editor-in-chief, Candace Truzo: If you want to play with the big boys over at Bauer and Wenner Media, it might be time to move on from the incest thing. That's so, you know, Y2K.