• Guess who is going to have to face her abuser and testify? Rihanna:

Prosecutors have subpoenaed the singer to appear in court in Chris Brown's assault case on June 22, and she is now legally required to answer questions about what happened. [People]

• Kanye West and Amber Rose may have broken up, but they are certainly still spending a lot of time together. Reunited and it feels so good? [Page Six]
• OMG: Judge Judy has beat Oprah as the highest rated show in daytime! It must have been the Comic Confrontations that pushed JJ over the edge. [Perez]
• After six months of bliss, Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt have split. [ET]
• This report claims that Paris dumped Doug, who later showed up at her house "distraught." [Perez]
• Paris Hilton's rep says they remain friends and please respect their privacy blah blah blah. We'll always have Cannes! [People]
• Britney Spears is gonna get $11,500 from ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib — to cover legal fees incurred by getting a restraining order against the photographer. [Radar Online]
• Meanwhile, Britney and K-Fed have reached a new custody agreement and Brit gets the kids more than 50% of the time while she is on tour. Progress! [TMZ]
• Click here for super-cute banter between Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock. Like this exchange on how fame changes you:
  Reynolds: Fame only amplifies a certain disposition.
  Bullock: I agree. Unless you're a child in the industry and that's all you know. That's a sad, sad thing.
  Reynolds: There's nothing worse than hearing a 6-year-old demand Voss water. I've seen it. [People]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Madonna will meet Jesus' family. And no, they are not named Mary and Joseph. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Speaking of all things holy, Madonna will hold two shows in Israel — September 1 and 2. [UPI]
• Katie Holmes has been attending dance studios in Hollywood lately. Why? She wants to make a special appearance on So You Think You Can Dance? [Perez]
• Hugh Hefner: "really happy" to learn that Kendra is pregnant. [People]
• Carrie Prejean claims that the Miss California USA people wanted her to do Playboy, but she wouldn't. They also wanted her to be on I'm A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here. Sigh. [TMZ]
• Contrary to the reports in all the weekly tabs, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz deny that their marriage is on the rocks. [Mirror]
• "Secrets" about the cast of Twilight include the fact that Kristen Stewart can play guitar, Robert Pattinson and Kristen have chemistry on screen and off, and Rob and Kristen both play guitar and sing. [People]
• Whoa, Joy Behar is getting her own show on HLN (formerly Headline News). It will aire at 9 p.m. and start in September, as a "topical and fun" talk show: "It's not going to be dry, I hope, because I'm crazy," Joy says. [NY Times]
• BMW: The exclusive sponsor of the season three premiere of Mad Men, which will be aired with limited commercial interruption. Exciting! Not that we can afford Beemers! But we can look at a picture of a cute one, and think about Don Draper. [Brandweek]
• Lost rumors: Someone who could be lying says Charlie (Dominic Monaghan) returns for 4 episodes, Clarie (Emily De Ravin [sic]) for full-season, Shannon (Maggie Grace) for 6 episodes. [Yahoo News Via E!]
• Matthew Fox on the Lost ending: "I think it is going to be very satisfying and cathartic and redemptive and beautiful. I've talked to [creator] Damon [Lindelof] pretty extensively and every time I talk to him it's sort of surprising how moving it is just to talk about it." [E!]
• Patricia Clarkson's flight from LAX to JFK got canceled and she promptly burst into tears. [Page Six]
• Oof: Hugh Grant kicked a paparazzo in the groin outside of restaurant in NYC Tuesday. [Gatecrasher via TMZ]
• Jamie Foxx says that the first time he did his stand up act at the Apollo, as soon as the audience heard he was from L.A., they started booing. Foxx considers this his favorite memory of the theater, though, so, good for him. [AP]
• Oh lord. Jeremy Piven's mercury poisoning saga lives on: Producers from Speed-The-Plow will be in arbitration this week. [Gothamist]
• Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson met through a real estate agent. Now? A-Rod is smitten: "He is so into her and doesn't even mind when his friends tease him about her." [Gatecrasher]
• Sophie Dahl is 5'11" and her fiancé Jamie Cullum is 5'4" and she says: "We happen to be two people who met, fell madly in love and will probably produce fairly average sized children, hopefully with his more elegant feet, not mine." And! "I find it weird [that people focus on our height difference] but when you're really happy you don't give a shit." [Daily Mail]
• Diane Lane will star in Secretariat, the Disney flick about the relationship between the 1973 Triple Crown-winning racehorse and his owner, Penny Chenery. [Variety]
• Blind item! "Which up-and-coming film star was smoking an alien substance out in the open at a recent NYC party?" [Gatecrasher]
• Q: What do you like most about your character? A: "There's nothing cool about her. It's fun to play someone who's well-intentioned but doesn't know the game. I enjoy competent but misguided characters. She's an open-faced sandwich, and because of that, she doesn't have anything savvy about her." — Amy Poehler, on Parks and Recreation. [Variety]
• "I am not one who has ever taken well to fame and what that attracts. It's a drag. I just wanted to be a songwriter and a singer. I did not bargain for all the rest of it." — Van Morrison says he would have abandoned his music career 40 years ago if one of his early albums had made him a superstar. [Reuters]
• "Wesley Snipes is a wonderful actor. Before the karate movies and stuff, when Wesley first got into the movies, he did drama and comedy. He's got all the talent. He does everything but he turned into the action dude. But James Brown isn't just singing and splits, you've got to chase the car and the crack heads. You've got to do the stunts. I'm too old to do the splits. They should make that movie with Wesley Snipes tomorrow." — Eddie Murphy may have played James Brown on SNL but wouldn't do it in a biopic. [Daily Express]
• "Being a 48-year-old rebel is not cool… I wouldn't describe myself as a shy person. I'm an introvert. I play extroverts on the screen, but I'm an introvert." — Eddie Murphy. [Mirror]
  
• "If I could interview Dolly every week, I would." — Morley Safer, 77, has no plans to retire from 60 Minutes and hearts Dolly Parton. And! He is not into bloggers: "I would trust a citizen journalist as much as I would trust a citizen surgeon." [Page Six]
• "I invented something that we tested out on-camera on Scientific American Frontiers. It was a device I had figured out to eliminate red-eye, if you attached it to any camera. So we made it, and it worked. I was really excited. It's the first time one of my inventions was tested and worked! I gave it to posterity, though." — Alan Alda, who loves science and has been the host of PBS series Scientific American Frontiers for the last decade. [NY Mag]
• "I talk to Lorne [Michaels] a lot, and he knows where my heart is. And he knows he's got a real hold on me. And he knows my weakness. I always tell him, 'I'm an addict. I'm an SNL addict.' And I will use again. Oh, I will." — Maya Rudolph, on returning to SNL for guest spots after leaving the show in 2007. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "The Obama administration came out and said the No. 1 chemical problem in the world is mercury…there will be a lot of documentaries coming out showing what happens when you have too much mercury in your system." — Jeremy Piven. [Page Six]
• "Poor Rob is already a Beatle. His whole life is documented. If he picks his nose, it's all over the Internet. He's just done for. I think he's kinda freakin' out, like, ‘What the fuck is going on?'" — Robert Pattinson's New Moon costar Ashley Greene. [MSNBC]
• "I'm always really worried about ruining their lives, especially with people that aren't famous. it's such a massive change. I'm kind of a paranoid wreck." — Robert Pattinson, on dating. [MSNBC]
• "It's very tempting to have a nanny and live in a gated community and have a chef – I'd love to have a few dinners cooked for me. But I don't want that for my children." — Kate Winslet doesn't need help, okay?!?! [Telegraph]
• "I love seeing my name on a woman's butt. Ladies, if you want to impress me when you meet me, I need to see my name on your right cheek. Girls have had tattoos of my face. One girl went and got her ass tattooed on her right arm… It's important to keep things tasteful." — Tyrese, whom I have interviewed and found to be as charming as this quote. [Page Six]

• Dad of the year Kevin Federline has launched a kids' clothing line, Otzi, which, when you think about it, makes no less sense than his rapping or acting careers. [People, Perez Hilton]

• Bill Blass files for Chapter 11, liquidates assets. [WWD]
• Amy Winehouse says she's designing a line for Fred Perry; the designer had no comment. Of course you are, dearie. [The Sun]
• Claudia Schiffer, for her part, is actually starting a beauty line, which she won't talk about. "With catwalk pal Elle Macpherson’s beauty range already a huge success, it looks as if the old model rivalries of the Nineties may be reignited." Or, you know, not. [Daily Mail]
• Enigmatic couture pixie John Galliano has been made a chevalier of the French legion of honor. [WWD]
• Christian Louboutin's new year's resolutions: “To brush my teeth three times a day, to not accept for one year to be a godfather — except for Barbie — and to not buy any real estate.” That last one is, in our experience, very hard to keep. [WWD]
• The full range of Madonna's unladylike poses for Louis Vuitton are out. Check it. [Jossip]
• Speaking of: With all due respect to the dead, we hated the Stephen Sprouse for LV collection when it came out in 2000, and we hate the updated version now. "In addition to using graffiti, Louis Vuitton creative director Marc Jacobs updated the look by splashing Sprouse's roses on monogram wallets, handbags and scarves to spectacular effect. The collection ($175 to $2,555) is a joy to look at in these dark times, a 1980s punk Pop Art explosion of Day-Glo pink, green and orange that's a happy homage to Sprouse, who died of lung cancer in 2004." [LA Times]
• Oh, fudge. Apparently Xtina for TopShop was just a rumor. [ElleUK]
• A solar panel purse: clever, green, cool, really ugly. [NY Times]
• Potentially awesome: online "sample sale" sites may be big in '09. All the savings, none of the hassle? [LA Times]
• Nonprofit One World Action helps garment workers fight for a larger share of clothing profits. [Independent]
• Amidst falling sales, Marc Jacobs is consolidating some of his many New York stores. [The Fashion Informer]
• The newly-buff designer doesn't seem bothered: "'I like the fact that people are sort of commenting on my appearance...I work on these things! So to have them recognised, even if sometimes I don't like the way they're recognised, I like that they are, and I feel good that I can admit that, instead of being ashamed...I'm going to get a shameless tattoo next. That's what I think everyone should aspire to in life: being shameless.'" [Telegraph]
• Could valenki — traditional Russian wool boots — be the new Ugg? [New York Times]
• The inevitable Twilight fragrance will help tweens nab vampires, even though it's apparently apple-scented and Edward says specifically that Bella's scent is floral! Not that we've read it... [Perez Hilton]
• Unconfirmed rumors are a-flyin' that Men's Vogue— already scaled down — may be kaput. [Fashionista]

• Lindsay and Sam rang in 2009 with yet another tear-drenched fight, this time at Miami International Airport. Linds was so inconsolable on the plane that she was asked if she'd like to disembark.

• As two of our favorite Lezebels, we hope these kids can work it out! [TMZ]
• Heather Locklear's DUI charges have been dismissed and she plead guilty to reckless driving, a misdemeanor. Locklear had prescription drugs in her system when she was arrested last September, but she'll only pay a $700 fine and have three years of informal probation. [TMZ]
• Alanis Morissette says that what inspired her to go on a diet and lose 20 lbs was longevity. "I realized I want to live till I’m 120. There’s a lifestyle that I am now happily creating that can, as best as is possible, prevent most forms of cancer and other diseases." Posing in pleather leggings in Ok! is just an added bonus. [ONTD]
• In his new audio book Ricky Gervais says he wants to tell people who have liposuction and gastric band operations, "You lazy f—-ing fat pig. Just go for a run and stop eating burgers. You might f—-ing die." We have a feeling Gervais may realize just how active the overweight can be when he's swamped with angry letters and phone calls. [The Telegraph]
• Molly Ringwald is pregnant with her second child! Insert your own Brat Pack/Pretty In Pink/Secret Life of the [Knocked Up] American Teenager joke here. [Star]
• Robert Pattinson's life is so hard because he has to wear gold (or perhaps topaz) contact lenses for the Twilight sequel New Moon. They are uncomfortable and hamper his acting. Note to Pattinson: if you whine this much about contacts, your chances of being offered Benjamin Button-type roles in the future are slim. [E!]
• K-Fed's new girlfriend Victoria Prince shares a birthday with Britney, which is clearly some kind of sign from the cosmos. Kevin has been a real gentlemen, opening the car door for his new lady and always paying for their bowling games. "They are definitely a couple – I have seen them kiss," says a source at their local bowling alley. "But they both seem focused on the bowling." [People]
• Despite rumors that Diddy was begging for inauguration tickets, his reps would like to inform you that Diddy does not beg for invites. He was offered tickets by the Obama camp for his work on the campaign trail. Says Diddy, "I'll see ya'll at the inauguration." [TMZ]
• It was reported yesterday that the millions Madonna raised for her own charity Raising Malawi had not been received by the foundation. But apparently they are just being processed by the LA Kaballah Center, which of course, makes perfect sense.[Perez Hilton]
• Rosie O'Donnell wrote this on her blog: "2009 / this year / unplugged / see what happens / on we go / peace out / and in," which means she is never posting on her blog again. We think. [Perez Hilton]
• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban will continue renovating their recently-purchased Australian mansion even though developers are building a 100-dwelling conference center on the other side of their back fence. There is local opposition to the development and the owners offered to just sell it to the couple, but they don't want to get involved in the local squabble. [News.com.au]
• Will Smith has been voted the Top Money-Making Star of 2008 by Quigley Publishing Company. Reese Witherspoon and Angelina Jolie were the only ladies who made the top ten. [PR News Wire]
• "Everyone ages in a really different way. Some people rage, rage against the dying of the light, and some people embrace it. And people age according to how their lives have been physically. And so I really had to think about the fact that Daisy was a dancer and so how would she age? And how would she treat her aging? I thought, well, she'll always wear makeup, and she won't let her hair go, and that her injuries will come back to haunt her later in life, hence the stick (a cane), and I have a slight limp. A limp and a stick often help a character sink in." - Cate Blanchett on playing an older person in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [Reuters]

• Move over Jon Stewart, Hugh Jackman will be hosting this year's Oscars! "Hugh is the ideal choice to host a celebration of the year’s movies – and to have fun doing it." says a flack. [Deadline Hollywood]

• Kate Winslet is offended by speculation that her 30-year-old character in The Reader is a child abuser for having an affair with a 15-year-old. "To me, that is absolutely not this story at all. That boy knows exactly what he's doing. And, for a start, Hanna Schmitz thinks that he's 17, not 15, you know? She's not doing anything wrong. They enter that relationship on absolutely equal footing. Statutory rape? Really, please, don't use that phrase…This is a beautiful and very genuine love story and that is how I always saw it," Winslet says. [UPI]
• Despite earlier reports, Pete Wentz swears up and down that he and Ashlee do not want to hock their photos of newborn Bronx to the highest bidder. "Truth is like every celeb couple we were offered
  mounds and mounds of money by mags from here to Guam to pimp out the baby. We just don’t want to go down that road with him," Wentz says on his blog. [Perez]
• Zooey Deschanel's fake band in the movie Yes Man is called Munchausen By Proxy Syndrome, and it's actually not half bad. [NYM]
• Rufus Wainwright is one gay guy who will not be joining the fight against Prop 8: "Oddly enough, I’m actually not a huge gay marriage supporter," Rufus says. "I personally don’t want to get married but I think that any law or amendment to the constitution that deals with sex and love should just be banned in general. I don’t think any government should encroach on what goes on in the bedroom at all. Frankly, if you want to marry a dog, why don’t you go ahead and marry a dog, I don’t care. I’m a complete libertarian and so I really disagree with it." [Perez]
• Rut roh. Allegedly Denise Richards is in dire financial straits. "She's willing to do just about anything and take any role that's not pure porn," says a source. [TMZ]
• Rumors abound that Axl Rose has Anthropophobia, or loosely, he's afraid of people, and has been avoiding interviews and his management as a result. His flacks deny it, saying, "He has not been diagnosed with anthropophobia. He hasn't fired Front Line, and no interviews have been canceled." It does sound sort of far-fetched. [Perez]
• Aw, 9-year-old Angelina Salaiz got to meet her hero, Mariah Carey, earlier today on CBS's morning show. We bet they bonded over a shared love of Hello Kitty and butterflies. [CBS News]
• Is the world ready for a Mel Gibson comeback? Um E! Online says yes, because he grew a mustache. Yeah…ok. [E! Online]
• K-Fed was out bowling and he kissed a mystery lady. Riveting news! [TMZ]

• Poor Marc Jacobs. First the world calls him crazy, now he's caught up in a bribery scandal. Turns out that the superintendent of NYC's 69th Regiment Armory, where Jacobs' shows are held each season, demanded little cash prezzies upwards of $30,000 from Marc et al in order for him to grant them permission to show there. KCD, the PR firm that handles Marc Jacobs, is allegedly responsible for making the pay-offs. [WWD]
  
• Meanwhile, Marc has invited K-Fed to sit front row at his show tomorrow night! [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• Happy Birthday, Horrible Hagyness. [WWD, 5th item]
  
• Fashion Week is bad for Chloe Sevigny's self-esteem, "Fashion week makes me feel very self-critical. Like I'm not wearing the right thing or looking the right way. It's stressful." [WWD, 9th item]

• Samsonite creative director Quentin Mackay on why the company has tapped Chloe to collaborate on the design for the company's Black Label collection: "She has that vintage attitude. Her films are always off-the-cuff so it fits perfectly with the vintage modern feel. Design is always one step backwards, two steps forward." We think he meant that as a compliment, and yet... [Fashion Week Daily]
• What do male models do when they're no longer male models? Why, they do quickie sketches of fashion shows, of course. Former model Blue Logan (and yes, we keep reading that as Blue Lagoon, too) sits in the front row and draws the crowds and as many of the looks as he can while the show goes on. Also, he owns a night club. [Vogue UK]
• Ooh Amy Adams on the March cover of ELLE: Love. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Actress Lindsay Price on why she loves Cosmo: "My parents never taught us about the birds and the bees. They sat us down to watch Blue Lagoon and assumed that would be how we learned about sex, but Cosmo came to the rescue." [Fashion Week Daily]
• "I don't know anything cool that's going on!": Julia Restoin Roitfeld. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Seriously, how is "Would you change your style for a man?" even a legit question to ask? [FabSugar]
• Mazel Tov to Tommy Hilfiger on his engagement to girlfriend Dee Ocleppo. [Page Six]
• Also to Alex von Furstenberg (son of Diane), who is engaged to firmly-legal girlfriend Ali Kay. [Page Six]
• Victoria's Secret model Karolina Kurkova will be starring in the live-action movie of G.I. Joe. [Page Six]
• First John Deere made tractors, now it's making jeans. [BrandWeek]
• What a shocker: Children's sweatshirts made in China have been shown to have a defective pullstring that has been known to strangle children. [UPI]
• Nicole Kidman's bathing suit: Now feeding entire impoverished villages. [NYT]

• Fergie and actor Josh Duhamel are engaged. We hope Fergie didn't wet her pants when he proposed! [People]
  
• Good news for society, bad news for Paris Hilton: Paris' grandfather, Baron Hilton, has decided to give 97% of his $2.3 billion fortune to charity when he dies. [Reuters]
  
• Lindsay Lohan spent Christmas Eve with Adrian Grenier at his Brooklyn apartment, but they're definitely not a couple. [Page Six]
  
• Also, Lindsay's dad called paparazzi photographers to tip them off to his reunion meeting with Lindsay at the Mercer Hotel. Aw, sweet! [Gatecrasher]
  
• Also: Lindsay's ex, Riley Giles, is selling his personal photos of her to the tabs. Again: How sweet! [MSNBC]
  
• Pete Doherty gave Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil some tips on how to make the best of his prison time. Fielder has also asked Doherty to look out for Winehouse. Oh lord: Not a one of them stands a chance! [The Sun]

• Will Smith: Scientologist? [Page Six]
• Move over, Fergie: I Love New York star Tiffany "New York" Pollard is also engaged: Her future intended is show winner George "Tailor Made" Weisberger... [People]
• ...who is apparently already cheating on her. [Gatecrasher]
• Courtney Love is moving to New York. She bought a townhouse in the West Village. She says on her MySpace blog, "itllcost ...alot...to returjn it to a house biut fbc doesnt need to have all that space til she moves here at 18." [Gothamist]
• But whatever will Courtney fill all that space with after having been robbed yesterday? [Perez Hilton]
• Ah, nevermind: The stolen goods have been returned. [Perez Hilton]
• Britney had to return the kids back to K-Fed after spending Christmas with them. The exchange of progeny took place at a Starbucks, naturally. [Daily Mail]
• Johnny Depp: Too emotionally scarred to ever marry again. [MSNBC]
• Top Chef host / former model/former Mrs. Salman Rushdie Padma Lakshmi dnies that she and "financier" Teddy Forstmann are dating. [Page Six]
• Drew Barrymore and her boyfriend Justin "Mac Guy" Long: Definitely together, united against parking tickets. [Page Six]
• Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Rafaeli are definitely back together. [Gatecrasher]
• Also a couple: Gossip Girl co-stars Blake "Serena van der Woodsen" Lively and Penn "Dan Humphrey" Badgley. [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Aniston reportedly celebrated Christmas with real-life best Friend Courteney Cox Arquette. [Daily Mail]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown has won the custody battle for her daughter against her ex-husband, Jimmy Gulzar. Which is good, 'cause it's so much more effective when the Spice Girls sing "Mama" in their reunion tour when their very own kids are front and center. [TMZ]

• Breaking News! Men go for hot women, according to a speed-dating study. Researchers found that the men in the study "tended to select nearly every woman above a certain minimum attractiveness threshold." However the women chose men whose attractiveness was on par with their own, because every chick knows a hotter dude will dump her in a ditch as soon as something sexier comes along. And this is how Brangelina was born. [CNN]
  
• Law enforcement is posting decoy ads on Craigslist in hopes of catching those who use the site to exchange money for sex. But how else is "Jews or Italians W/ Hot Faces Or Thick Cocks" supposed to find her dream guy? [NY Times]
  
• Oh fiddle dee dee! The hour-glass figure made famous by Sophia Loren, Scarlett O'Hara, and a few missing ribs is no more. Women's waists have grown seven inches in the last 50 years. Clearly we have feminism to blame for all that excess breathing room. [Daily Mail]

• Family therapy works better than individual therapy in treating bulimia. When Mommy insists that "no one loves a fatty" and Daddy says that ice cream is for losers, we can see why the 'rents might benefit from therapy too. [NY Times]
• Chronic stress may give some women fertility problems. So just relax, sit back, and spread 'em! [NY Times]
• One in 20 pregnant women smoke while one in 25 continue to drink even after they find out they're with child. Ladies, you have the rest of your lives to kill yourself with lung cancer and liver disease — let the child choose whether they want to party like it's 1999 after they come out of the womb, okay? [Daily Mail]
• A 14-year old girl stabbed her 16-year-old sister to death in a dispute over a guy. We repeat, over a guy. Sigh. This is depressing. Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield got into some cat fights over guys (remember Todd Wilkins?), but they never forgot the sisterhood. [Daily Mail]
• A serial stalker in the UK has been banned from being alone with any woman in Scotland for five years. Does it count as alone if he's 20 feet away, crouching behind a telephone pole? [BBC News]
• Women are more likely to die from major heart surgeries than men according to a study from the European Society of Cardiology. As a result, the group is reconsidering it's treatment of heart problems for women as the usual go-to-treatments like angioplasties and bypasses (which help men) are more likely to result in death in women. [MSNBC]
• Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is a leading cause of infertility but according to MSNBC there's a far greater price to pay — the acne and facial hair that sprouts as a result of increased testosterone. Totally fucking humiliating. [MSNBC]
• A Kansas teen died when she jumped onto the back of her boyfriend's SUV as he drove away with another girl — the cheating bf didn't bother to stop when he heard "something" fall of the back of his car. He's being charged with reckless murder — not to mention being the worst boyfriend ever. [KCTV.com]

This has yielded the following question: Which is the greater men's fashion offense? The, ahem, slightly-poncy skinny suit/cropped ankle combo? Or the hyper-masculine (or something) K-Fed poor little trucker boy look? Which turns you off more? And is there anything that men wear that actually ups their powers of attraction? Take our poll, or put your thoughts in the comments.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

• Funny headline: 'Paris Hilton, Free To Speak Her Mind (Such As It Is)' [Washington Post]
  
• Nicky Hilton was annoyed by the "media circus." And you know what they say about the stars...[Gatecrasher]
  
• Britney Spears not going to perform with Cyndi Lauper and the MisShapes, much to our everlasting regret. Because she would probably puke all over the MisShapes, and we would love to see Leigh Lezark hold her party face after that. [Page Six]
  
• Vivica Fox, who has a middle initial we refuse to use, drives tipsy. Will it be as good for her career as it has been for so many starlets? [TMZ]
  
• So K-Fed and some guy from N-Sync who is not Lance Bass host dinner parties together. And Usher comes with preggers fiance, which gives gossips an excuse to drop Edgar Allan Poe ref in headline. [Rush & Molloy]

X17]

• Happy 21st birthday Mary Kate and Ashley! Yup, as of today, the Olsen twins are legally able to imbibe both Red Bull and vodka. Now go throw up an extra-special birthday dinner girls — you deserve it! [Olsen Twins 21st Birthday Countdown]
  
• Everyone — rulers out! A new study says that math skills can be determined by the ratio of the ring finger to index finger. We tried to calculate our own ratio, but... we're so bad at math we couldn't. [ScienceNow]
  
• Random public service announcement: Grapes and raisins cause kidney failure in dogs. And yes, we checked. [TheKnot.com]
  
• Sir Tim Berners-Lee, the inventor of the Internet, was given England's highest honor, the Order of Merit, by Queen Elizabeth today. Wait a second. Rewind. Didn't Al Gore invent the Internet??? [BBC]
  
• While touring Australia, the Dalai Lama met with Bindi Irwin, the 9-year old daughter of the late Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin. What, is an audience with The Pope next? [CNN]
  
• Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert died last night at the age of 89. We learned more about science from him during our television-viewing days during the mid-80's than we ever did in school. [CNN]

• We may not know much about science, but we do know that fossils are cool. [NYT]
• K-Fed's rep denies that the ex-Mr. Spears has impregnated the woman he left for Britney, Shar Jackson, yet again. [E!]
• Jake Gyllenhaal? On Broadway? This fall? The gays will go crazy! [People.com]
• Two U.S. casulaties identified today. [DoD]