juju chang - Jezebel

posts about #jujuchang more →
Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
It's Not Just XX Chromosomes That Make the Woman

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

clevernamehere
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
What really bothers me are the comments that she should have expected infidelity. We know nothing about their marriage, but if they agreed to monogamy, she had every right to expect it.
Reply

clevernamehere was starred clevernamehere was unstarred

IBleedGlitter: The High Priestess of Tinsel
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
Why do powerful men stray? Because they're rich and they don't have anyone around them to tell them "No". That's pretty much why the rich and powerful do anything crazy.
Reply

Jack_Burton
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
I still maintain Tiger was "ghostridin' the whip."

But, having a fight over an affair is far less embarrassing.
Reply

Jack_Burton was starred Jack_Burton was unstarred

Slim
12/03/09

@Jack_Burton: haaaaaaaahaha Oh God I almost died laughing when I watched that!

*fist bump!*
Reply

Jack_Burton promoted this comment Slim was starred Slim was unstarred

BetteD
12/03/09

@Jack_Burton: "I did not have sexual relations with those women. I was ghostridin' the whip." I would pay serious money to see him say that!
Reply

BetteD was starred BetteD was unstarred

Scout
12/03/09

@Jack_Burton: for the love of science, that was stellar!

thanks for the laugh. brilliant. excellent. great.
Reply

Scout was starred Scout was unstarred

Cerridwen
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
Any time someone uses the phrase "hardwired," I pretty much tune the rest of the argument out.
Reply

Cerridwen was starred Cerridwen was unstarred

bluebears
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
You know, I get a little tired of hearing about how monogamy is unrealistic. If its working for you its working, if its not its not. I hate that we must resort to these generalities. Also their litany of men who cheat included only men who are very rich and powerful, now of course those aren't the only men who cheat, but I think there could be some other things going on there besides some sort of biological imperative to spread it around. Like, a sense of entitlement, arrogance, a belief in your own infallibility, a belief that the normal "rules" don't apply to you etc etc.
Reply

bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

greeneyedfem
12/03/09

@bluebears: I wish I could heart you again for this.

If it's such an imperative, then how come so many men are capable of resisting it? And if so many men are capable of resistance, why do we excuse the ones who aren't with some bullshit excuse about an "imperative"?
Reply

bluebears promoted this comment greeneyedfem was starred greeneyedfem was unstarred

bluebears
12/03/09

@greeneyedfem: plus I find it ridiculous that women wouldn't have a similar "imperative," if one existed, but you almost exclusively hear people go to this trope to excuse mens infidelity alone.
Reply

bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

Pandorasvoicebox
12/03/09

@greeneyedfem: I don't even think it's a matter of men's resistance, either. Not all men are "resisting' their true desires when they are in a monogamous relationship. For a lot of men and women, that's just how they feel most comfortable and happy. Believe it or not, not all men and women have a deep-seated craving to sleep around. Nothing against sleeping around--just don't tell me it's hard-wired.

It's a bullshit, quasi-scientific argument that our "animal" nature is to procreate as much as possible. There are plenty of other animal species, including primates, which are hardwired to be primarily monogamous (one mate for life).
Reply

winner promoted this comment Edited by Pandorasvoicebox at 12/03/09 2:03 PM Pandorasvoicebox was starred Pandorasvoicebox was unstarred

msAnthrope
12/03/09

@bluebears:

another thing i love is when guys who are married suddenly start spouting about "open relationships" just because they've decided they don't want to do anything to make themselves more lovable, attractive, etc to their partner!

people who legitimately want to be in open relationships make sure their partners are aware of this before they become involved. it's not some new life philosophy you suddenly latch on to after several years of marriage and decide this is how to explain you're really just a deceptive self-centered asshole.
Reply

msAnthrope was starred msAnthrope was unstarred

greeneyedfem
12/03/09

@Pandorasvoicebox: Absolutely, yes, to everything you said.

I don't believe in the "imperative" in the first place -- I was just pointing out that reality proves wrong the logic of those who do.

The reality is that men and women are capable of living fully satisfied lives (sexual and emotional) within monogamous relationships and never feel the urge to stray. I'm living proof! :)
Reply

greeneyedfem was starred greeneyedfem was unstarred

brenner at large
12/03/09

@bluebears: I also hate how monogamy is seen as the only option. There's a whole spectrum of relationships out there. As long as they're based on honesty and openness, relationships can be successful no matter how they're structured.
Reply

bluebears promoted this comment brenner at large was starred brenner at large was unstarred

bluebears
12/03/09

@brenner at large: good point. none of the men they highlighted appeared to have an open and respectful dialogue with their partners, they just cheated.

@boatondryland: I just think that's bull though. Fear of pregnancy might have kept women less sexually active, yes, but if we're talking about an actual "biological imperative" here, then a woman's fear of pregnancy shouldn't have stood in the way of her need to have intercourse with multiple partners, it might have been somewhat inhibiting, but again never discussed. Because it doesn't exist.
Reply

bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

token_illiterate_commenter
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
I hate that "men can't help cheating" bullshit so much I can't see straight. It's degrading to men, saying we have no impulse control and no emotional depth. We are fully grown human beings with control over our actions. If some decide to act like jackasses that is all them, it's not because of a mutant chromosome. He is not a child and he doesn't need someone making excuses for him.
Reply

greeneyedfem
12/03/09

@token_illiterate_commenter: Hearted! I wish more men would speak up against this bullshit. It is incredibly degrading to men, and I hate that so many boys grow up in a culture that sets their standards of behavior so low.
Reply

clevernamehere promoted this comment greeneyedfem was starred greeneyedfem was unstarred

AgnesGrep
12/03/09

@token_illiterate_commenter: I see a lot of overlap in the men who say "men can't help it" with the men who say that "men are simple creatures."
Reply

clevernamehere promoted this comment AgnesGrep was starred AgnesGrep was unstarred

yourfriendandneighbor
12/03/09

@token_illiterate_commenter: I assume you're a man? I am curious. Would you say "some" decide to act like jackasses or most? Cuz to me it seems like most. Or at least half. Just wondering.
Reply

token_illiterate_commenter promoted this comment

token_illiterate_commenter
12/03/09

@yourfriendandneighbor: I'd say it has to be a pretty small minority since I've never had a friend who cheated on his wife or girlfriend. I've known some who have treated women like crap, some who were stalkers, and some who were just plain jerks, but none cheated. I, on the other hand, have had three different long term girlfriends cheat on me. So do all women act like jackasses or most?
Reply

misspell
12/04/09

@yourfriendandneighbor: Oh come now. Let's not just decide that most men act like jackasses, please; or at least, let's decide the same thing about women, because I'm female and I've seen similar patterns to what token_illiterate seems to have seen: more female friends cheating than male. I'm comfortable saying that most people have the capacity to act like assholes at least once their in lives; I'm not comfortable being sexist about it.
Reply

misspell was starred misspell was unstarred

yourfriendandneighbor
12/04/09

@misspell: i don't want to believe it. what's hard is that most men in my life tell me that "most guys are dicks." that's the latest thing said to me by a co-worker who I assume is a good guy. he's smart anyway and treats me respectfully at work. it's just been said to me over and over again by men since the time I was a girl. I don't want to believe it, but unfortunately, there are so many stories to the contrary. My female friends, on the other hand, only tend to cheat when they know it's over.
Reply

kookla
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
Wow. Just wow.

And Robin Roberts? Thank you for saying what most of us were thinking.
Reply

kookla was starred kookla was unstarred

BuffySummers
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
"If you don't want your husband to have a lover, you have to act like a lover"

Really, guy? If a husband isn't happy with the amount of "loving" he's getting, he should talk about it with his wife, or have some actual integrity and get a divorce before he gets any loving elsewhere. Why does the idea of women being responsible for their husbands' infidelity ever even come up?
Reply

la.donna.pietra promoted this comment BuffySummers was starred BuffySummers was unstarred

rednrowdy
12/03/09

@BuffySummers: ah yes, the mature, responsible phrases and words like "talk about it", "integrity". don't hear those words often, y'know.

of course wives are responsible for their husbands' infidelity! we're responsible for everything!

*headdesk*
Reply

rednrowdy was starred rednrowdy was unstarred

BuffySummers
12/03/09

@rednrowdy: I love how he even said "drag him to a couples therapist", because of course, we'd have to nag him and it'd be so annoying but that's what we do! Force our husbands to do things they hate!
Reply

BuffySummers was starred BuffySummers was unstarred

yvanehtnioj
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
The same kind of character that leads these men to reach for the stars will let them throw somebody under the bus to get there. These guys are aggressive, they're self-confident, they're risk-takers, so they're more vulnerable.

Aaaand, the Makes No Sense Award goes to Terry Real!

John Edwards is the only one that sounds like he's given any thought to his own failings.
Reply

yvanehtnioj was starred yvanehtnioj was unstarred

PilgrimSoul
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
Putting aside the low IQ of morning television discourse generally, I want to say that it's things like this that totally undermine the argument that it's feminists that hate/belittle men. Talk about your negation of male agency!
Reply

PilgrimSoul was starred PilgrimSoul was unstarred

yvanehtnioj
12/03/09

@PilgrimSoul:
::holds breath waiting for an MRA group to protest this degrading stereotype::
Reply

yvanehtnioj was starred yvanehtnioj was unstarred

TurtleSpeak
12/03/09

@PilgrimSoul: I know right? These people act like no man has ever turned down sex before.
Reply

TurtleSpeak was starred TurtleSpeak was unstarred

greeneyedfem
12/03/09

@PilgrimSoul: Absolutely. The hardcore anti-feminists who argue that traditional gender roles are hard-wired into men and women never seem to realize that they're the ones insulting men.

"Men are hardwired to cheat! They're just incapable of having a loving, monogamous, lasting, equal partnership!" (Tell it to my Dad, assholes.)

"Men need sex! They are ENTIRELY CONTROLLED by their wee-wees, and women just need to accept that and shut about infidelity and/or rape!"

"Men have no control over their actions! They don't MEAN to be abusive, but they just get so ANGRY! They can't help themselves!"

"Men are just naturally homophobic! They are so threatened by the fact that some dudes sleep with other dudes that they lash out in anger and fear and violence if any gay man is even remotely sexual around them! Just accept that they're too immature to ever be cool and easy around the gays, because it'll never change!"

"Men think rape and misogyny are hilarious! They are incapable of feeling empathy for victims of either, so OF COURSE they find this joke/movie/commercial/etc. funny! YOU'RE the one who needs to lighten up!"

Talk about your low standards and expectations.
Reply

yvanehtnioj promoted this comment greeneyedfem was starred greeneyedfem was unstarred

Penny
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
That's some negative juju.
Reply

Penny was starred Penny was unstarred

femme-bot
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
I'm hardwired to beat the fuck out of stupid people. It should be stupid people's job to keep themselves from getting an ass kicking.
Reply

femme-bot was starred femme-bot was unstarred

morninggloria
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
It's not my fault! My penis made me do it!
Reply

morninggloria was starred morninggloria was unstarred

CurtCole
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
Robin Roberts,
Marital Infidelity=/= Falling from Grace.
Thanks,
CC
Reply

CurtCole was starred CurtCole was unstarred

curiousgeorgiana
12/03/09

In reply to Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming
"If you want your husband not to have a lover, you better act like a lover."

What now? That sounds exactly like the logic my abusive ex used. Can we end the victim blaming, please?
Reply

curiousgeorgiana was starred curiousgeorgiana was unstarred

AgnesGrep
12/03/09

@curiousgeorgiana: Ugh, there are so many men saying that his wife didn't put out enough and that's why he cheated. It couldn't possibly be that he's a power tripping Alpha male or that he's just plain stupid.

And nothing enrages me more than a person who uses the term "hard-wired" to explain their shitty behaviour.
Reply

curiousgeorgiana promoted this comment AgnesGrep was starred AgnesGrep was unstarred

curiousgeorgiana
12/03/09

@AgnesGrep: "Hard-wired" is the worst.

This video failed: blaming her for her husband's cheating, and blaming him if she did in fact abuse him. Bullshit all around.
Reply

curiousgeorgiana was starred curiousgeorgiana was unstarred

AgnesGrep
12/03/09

@curiousgeorgiana: I'm firmly behind violence is violence no matter the genitals of the abuser. I'm waiting for the fascinating comparison study of people's reactions to Rhianna's assault and Tiger's wife's (alleged) assault of Tiger. Basically, people are dumb.
Reply

AgnesGrep was starred AgnesGrep was unstarred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

#jujuchang

Jezebel

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Robin Roberts Schools GMA Reporter On Victim Blaming

It's Not Just XX Chromosomes That Make the Woman

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment