• Lindsay Lohan will appear on SIX EPISODES of Ugly Betty, including the season finale. LL will play an old classmate of Betty's who is down on her luck. Naomi Campbell, Christian Siriano, Victoria Beckham and now Lindsay? It's official: Ugly Betty is the new Love Boat. [TMZ]
  
• Oooh, Lindsay's mugshot is being used in a drunk driving ad. [Reuters]
  
• Courtney Love was in the hospital over the weekend; homegirl has strep throat! Stay away. (Not that you needed a warning.) [Mirror]
  
• Thirty guests attended Jamie Lynn Spears's baby shower in Kentwood, LA on Saturday and big sis Britney was one of them. The ladies sat in a circle and opened gifts and nothing scandalous happened, yawn. [People]
  
• Britney hadn't been in her hometown since early 2007. Bet she misses some Southern cooking. [People]
  
• Miley Cyrus appeared at the Disney Channel Games concert Saturday night and thanked fans, saying: "Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love every one of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you." Then she took her top off. Kidding! [People]

• Boo! Amy Winehouse has backed out of recording the theme for the new James Bond flick because she's not ready to work. Also: Nothing rhymes with Quantum of Solace. [Variety]
• But! Amy will duet with Pete Doherty at a gig at Royal Albert Hall. Which sounds um, healthy? [Mirror]
• The nanny who is accusing Rob Lowe of sexual harassment also babysits for Shanna Moakler, whom you may know from the MTV show Meet The Barkers, as she is Travis Barker's ex-wife. [People]
• Oscar nominee Judy Davis is suing a Sydney newspaper over an article that implies she is a child-hating selfish hypocrite. The thing is, she doesn't want floodlights on a soccer field near her waterfront home. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Dina Lohan to Jill Zarin of The Real Housewives of New York: "I don't watch TV. Especially reality shows." Haha bet you will when yours starts airing! [Rush & Molloy]
• Kim Kardashian: Seen going for a laser cellulite treatment... With camera crews in tow, of course! A butt that famous needs lots of attention and tender loving care. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which newly minted TV star is a pushover who already looks ready for rehab? At an L.A. party, the actor was mocked into doing a bunch of shots, despite protesting numerous times that he had to drive that night." [Rush & Molloy]
• Lily Allen spent £300 at a nail salon last week but neglected to tip her technician, tsk tsk! [Mirror]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs was honored with a star on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood on Friday; his mom, kids and baby mama Kim Porter were all in attendance — and dressed to match. [Concrete Loop]
• Avril Lavigne has laryngitis and has canceled or postponed most of her tour. Get a refund, people! [People]
• Dinner with Erykah Badu is up for auction! The proceeds go to the African American Museum in Dallas. [UPI]
• Gary Dourdan is "embarrassed" about his arrest situation. But the luggage in his car with all the drugs wasn't his and the reason he pulled over and cops found him sleeping in his car was because he didn't want to drive while drunk. So there's that. [People]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes gave the Beckhams a wine tasting trip to Napa Valley for their birthday; Seal and Heidi Klum and Kate Beckinsale and Len Wiseman also came along. Hot couples wandering through the grapevines? Sounds like the opening scene of a very classy porn film. [Mirror]
• A woman is scheduled to testify at R. Kelly's upcoming child pornography trial, and will reveal that she had a threesome with R. and the allegedly underage girl in the infamous video. Wait, wouldn't that be a crime, too? Oh, the woman was also underage when she had the threesome. Great. And by great I mean awful. [TMZ]
• A Sting charity concert was meant to raise money for the rain forests, but less than half of the show's profits actually went to the cause. "What are they doing with the money?" the Better Business Bureau asked. Good question. [UPI]
• Orlando Bloom: Seen out drinking sake with a buddy instead of attending a fashion show where his girlfriend Miranda Kerr was in the front row. [News.com.au]
• Elle Macpherson is moving from London to her homeland of Australia. [News.com.au]
• Country star Gretchen Wilson, 34, passed her GED exam in April and will don a cap and gown and finally graduate from high school on May 15. Better late than ever! [AP]
• "I came to grips with my bum. Before, I always tied a shirt around my waist when I went for a run. It was ridiculous. I finally told myself, 'I'm not doing this anymore — I have nothing to hide.' I've got some curves, I've got a bubble butt, but I don't mind, because it's what powers me forward when I run." — Elisabeth Hasselebeck. [Page Six]
• "Unfortunately for certain media outlets, you will never be able 2 'Michael Jackson' me. That means 2 make it seem like everything I do is so weird or out of place... they always try 2 make it seem like everything is about my ego! That joke is getting old. At a certain point you have 2 respect that I'm one of the last artist that still cares about the fans having the best time of there lives!" —Kanye West. [Perez Hilton]
• Iron Man made $100 million? This country confuses me. [E!]

Molly Kagan (Debra Messing): Molly is positive that homeless, sexy Sam is innocent of murder and to prove how much she believes in his innocence, she asks him out on a second date. Nevertheless, Sam is arrested for Lou's murder, leaving Molly heartbroken until she comes across none other than Lou himself in a parking garage. Lou explains to Molly that he faked his own death because his job is depressing. Even more fortuitously, Molly realizes that she is Sam's alibi, thereby helping to spring him from jail, and the two get it on, at last.

Joan MacAllister (Judy Davis): Sure, Joan was able to finagle her way out of rehab, but just like Amy Winehouse, she refuses to give up her vices. In fact, her drinking only seems to be getting worse and worse, as does her passing judgment on Sam and Molly's relationship. Joan just can't understand why Molly would want to fuck a homeless man and convicted killer. (Crazy, we know!) The whole thing comes to a messy climax when, drunk and behind the wheel, Joan crashes her car, breaking her nose in the process.

Cricket Stewart (Miranda Otto): Cricket's still a pain in the ass, although she tries to be ultra-supportive of Molly and her relationship with Sam.

Lavender (Anika Noni Rose): Lavender still has no last name. [Because she is black! - Ed.] She and her grandmother are still living with Joan. Grandma says perhaps there is someone in Malibu who needs a little extra money who will permanently rent them a room.

Rodney (Chris Diamantopoulos): Rodney is still poor. He still is being pursued by the ugly gay guy. We are still unsure why he is still poor or where the ugly gay guy came from.

Sam (Stephen Moyer): Sam almost never wears a shirt. Even when being taken to jail. Even when being released from jail.

Philip Roth: Still a strange presence in the series. In the beginning of this particular episode, Sam gives Molly his copy of The Anatomy Lesson. The fact that this is the second time this book has been mentioned can only mean that Roth himself has a deal second only to Pond's when it comes to product placement in this god-awful series. Or that Starter Wife creator Gigi Levangie Grazer is already shopping for her second husband.

Related: 'The Starter Wife': Sadly, We're Still Hooked
The Unexpected Intrigue (And Totally Expected Banality) Of 'The Starter Wife'

Molly Kagan (Debra Messing): Poor Molly. To quote the Bard, "The course of true love never did run smooth!". She can't get mean hot mystery man Sam off her brain, nor can she stop thinking about the man-who-stood-her-up, her ex-husband's boss, Lou. Molly likes Lou. Molly likes Sam. Molly learns that Lou didn't stand her up — he disappeared! She gets called in for police questioning. And then spends most of the episode asking some questions herself, namely, who is Sam, really? The only real answer she gets is that Sam is homeless. And that he likes Philip Roth. Could his homelessness and penchant for contemporary Jewish fiction possibly be linked to Lou's disappearance??? Also, this week, Molly is obsessed not with her weight, but with the bags under her eyes. She uses Pond's products which, clearly, aren't helping.

Joan MacAllister (Judy Davis): Pretending to want to be in rehab isn't fun anymore! Even having to vacation in France with her old man husband is starting to sound better than this, so dear Joan hatches a plot where she makes up an absurd story about her evil sister Bambi and about how her unresolved issues with Bambi are what drove her to drink. She then sneaks away from her therapist long enough to call Molly and fill her in the scheme... and convince Molly to make an appearance at her rehab facility posing as Bambi in order to spring her. Our heart grows sadder and sadder with each passing minute: Why did the brilliant Judy Davis accept this role? Anyway, Joan gets sprung and goes back home to Malibu, only to find that Molly has invited some others to move-in to her Malibu home as well.

Cricket Stewart (Miranda Otto): While at yoga class, Cricket hears a woman making fun of Molly and Cricket kicks her while she assumes Warrior 3. Could we be getting our little Cricket back? Could this the first sign that she's on the path back to Molly? Then Cricket finds out about her asshole husband and the slutty Russian nanny. She swiftly throws asshole husband and slutty Russian nanny out of her home, and then runs off to (where else?) Joan's home in Malibu. She and Molly kiss and make-up and swear they'll never be lonely again.

Lavender (Anika Noni Rose): Lavender the security guard and her sassy grandma get evicted for no reason at all from their apartment. [Of course they did! They're black! - Ed.] Molly invites Lavender and her grandma and their little dog to move in with her at Joan's Malibu pad. Ah, the benevolence of the white folk! Lavender and Molly also talk about how happy they are to be friends and swear they'll never be lonely again.

Rodney (Chris Diamantopoulos): Molly's #1 gay/decorator is inexplicably broke. He has not a dollar to his name and can't pay his bills. So, off he trots to join Molly and Cricket and Joan and Lavender in Malibu. Of course! No financial resolution is in sight, though some ugly straight-edged dude does want to do him.

Sam (Stephen Moyer): Sam is still super mysterious, but slightly-less mean. He takes Molly on a date to Starbucks and pays in change... because that's what homeless men do. He tells Molly he can't offer her stability, but he would love "to make love to" her. He also casually mentions to Molly that he's homeless because five years ago he killed a man! Oh, and also his bloody band-aid and a glass with his saliva on it were found at the home of Molly's other beau, Lou, the night of Lou's disappearance. Coincidence? And could Sam be the mystery man we saw sneaking into Lou's home and stealing money and stationary?

And most importantly. what does Philip Roth have to do with any of this? Next Thursday just can't come fast enough!

Earlier: The Unexpected Intrigue (And Totally Expected Banality Of 'The Starter Wife'