Nine (which opens today in New York and Los Angeles, and everywhere on December 25) was adapted from the 1982 musical of the same name, so the movie is actually a film based on a musical based on a film. All three are set in Italy in the 1960s and follow director Guido Contini (Daniel Day-Lewis) as he tries to come up with an idea for his next project and deal with his messy personal life. He reflects on the women in his life, including his wife, (Marion Cotillard), mistress (Penelope Cruz), best friend (Judi Dench), muse (Nicole Kidman), mother (Sophia Loren), a prostitute (Fergie), and (in a role invented for the film) an American Vogue reporter (Kate Hudson).

All the lead actors have won an Oscars (except Kate Hudson, who was nominated), but reviewers say their musical theater abilities are lacking. They criticize the way director Rob Marshall, who previously directed the Oscar-winning musical Chicago, handles the dance numbers, calling the staging unimaginative and that Marshall and his editors use quick cuts meant to obscure the fact that many of the actresses simply cannot dance. Critics also trash the film's pacing: each actress is given a scene or two and a musical number, then it's onto the next star.

Other complaints: The songs, which were written for the musical, aren't particularly catchy, don't move the plot forward, and aren't integrated well into the film's narrative. Fergie and Marion Cotillard escape the critics' wrath for the most part, but Nicole Kidman "looks parched, stretched, and uncomfortable," Penelope Cruz is "alarmingly unsensual," Kate Hudson "may never recover from gyrating her way through the atrocious 'Cinema Italiano,'" and Daniel Day-Lewis "sounds strangely like the Count from Sesame Street" when he sings. The New York Times calls the whole thing a "travesty," and though the basic theme is the same in Nine and Fellini's original, the New Yorker says, "One is forced to ask: who wants to make, or watch, a major Hollywood musical about mental block?" Below, the reviews.

Reel Views

Nine represents director Rob Marshall's second big-screen musical spectacle. His previous effort, Chicago, won an Oscar; although Nine is likely to win its share of praise, it probably won't come close to achieving the same level of acclaim. Although the production numbers are equally impressive, this film is neither as inspired nor as rousing. Part of the problem may be that there are too many high profile actresses vying for the spotlight and each has to be given her moment to shine. Also, despite following its stage inspiration and bringing structure to Fellini's 8 1/2 (the ultimate source material), Nine still suffers at times from a lack of narrative drive and it doesn't have the surreal, dreamlike quality of 8 1/2 to fall back upon.

The New York Daily News

Unfortunately, each interaction feels like the quickest of flings, allowing us a brief flirtation with a superstar before we move on to the next affair. Everybody gets one or two big scenes, interrupted by an awkwardly-inserted musical number. Some of the actresses are more successful than others - Cruz is playfully sexy, Cotillard soulful, and Fergie impressively earthy - but for the most part, neither the songs nor the choreography are especially memorable. And because the music isn't integrated into the drama, the staging often feels not just theatrical but false.

The Wall Street Journal

The film's most remarkable performance is given by Marion Cotillard as Luisa, Guido's long-suffering wife. Her musical number, "My Husband Makes Movies," has more range than any of the others, from coiled calm to unchained ferocity. And Ms. Cotillard's gift for mystery-the art of doing much while seeming to do almost nothing-serves her brilliantly in the movie's best scene, which couples humiliation with insight.

Rolling Stone

By my score card, Marshall hits more than he misses. Those who hated his music-video editing in Chicago will hate it here. He errs by cutting three great songs ("Getting Tall," "Be On Your Own," "The Bells of St. Sebastian") for three inferior ones. "Cinema Italiano," sung by Hudson, is a tacky, overproduced misfire. He also shortchanges the influence of Catholicism on this man-child, and keeps Guido's nine-year-old alter ego too much in the shadows. Otherwise, his work is visionary and electric. And the script, by Michael Tolkin and the late, much missed Anthony Minghella, is uncommonly witty. Guido begins the film at a press conference telling reporters that to talk about a movie is to spoil its mystery. So I won't intrude except to say that Day-Lewis (who replaced an exhausted Javier Bardem) handles his two songs in high style and acts the role like the maestro he is, even if he looks as Italian as Big Ben.

Salon

Kidman — so appealing in Moulin Rouge, despite her hardly being a perfect fit for musicals — just looks parched, stretched and uncomfortable. There's no sensuousness about her; the best she can muster is a kind of shellacked glamour. Cotillard and Fergie give the finest performances here. Cotillard, done up as an Audrey Hepburn-style minx in bangs, makes demureness sexy, and although her musical number may not be the smoothest of the lot, she still brings the right amount of fire to it. Fergie, on the other hand, practically stops the movie. She's fortunate enough to have the show's finest and catchiest number, Be Italian, and after I watched her slink her way through it, I wished — even though I'm an adamant nonsmoker — there was a bed around so I could flop back on it and have a cigarette. Fergie, who gained some weight for this role, is a voluptuous, purely sexual presence, and a deliciously lethal-looking one: She looks as if she could crush boulders between those thighs. Imagine what she could do to Day-Lewis!

USA Today

The cast members' musical talents are markedly uneven. Day-Lewis' Italian accent works in speech, but when he sings, he sounds strangely like the Count from Sesame Street. The best performers are Cotillard (who won an Oscar portraying Edith Piaf in La Vie en Rose) and Stacy Ferguson (aka Fergie ), whose powerful voice works well in a small but distinctive part as sensuous Saraghina. Judi Dench, as Contini's costume designer, sings capably in a French accent in her Folies Bergere-inspired number. Cruz does a steamy song and dance, but her acting is strangely caricatured. Kate Hudson appears in over her head in her extravagant musical sequence, and Sophia Loren talk-sings her role.

The A.V. Club

True, Fellini provides a tough point of comparison for anyone, but maybe Nine should have stayed on the stage, where it could benefit from having a medium all to itself. In Nine, director Rob Marshall, who fared much better with Chicago, does a pretty good job of aping the look and feel of the film's inspiration in the non-musical sequences, but comes up curiously short in the largely imaginative musical numbers. No scene in which Penélope Cruz writhes around in her underwear can be called unsexy, but Cruz's big number remains alarmingly unsensual in spite of all the flesh on display. That Maury Yeston's songs simply aren't that memorable doesn't help.

The New Yorker

To follow in the footsteps of Mastroianni is no enviable task, and Daniel Day-Lewis, adroit as ever, approaches it by changing the steps. Where his predecessor lounged and strolled, or dipped into a clownish stagger, we find Day-Lewis, leaner in physique, forever on the fast and wolfish prowl-hands in pockets, shoulders forward, not pushing his sunglasses cutely up and down his nose, as Mastroianni did, but keeping them on full beam, like the Devil's headlights. He belongs, however, in a more focussed movie; this one feels too sluggish for his predations...

Entertainment Weekly

The women, however, are spirited and sexy. Cruz performs a mock bump-and-grind with real heat, and Fergie, as an oh-so-Fellini-esque beach drifter, turns herself into a wild electric siren. If only the lyrics weren't so awful! Cotillard, a lovely presence, is martyred by having to sing such gems as ''My husband makes movies/To make them he lives a kind of dream/In which his actions aren't always what they seem!'' No wonder Day-Lewis looks like he's having stomach trouble. He spends most of Nine as a haunted spectator, and you want to tell the guy to lighten up. The 
movie Guido is trying to dream doesn't look like much fun, and neither is Nine.

Hollywood Reporter

Nicole Kidman as Guido's "muse" and Kate Hudson as an on-the-make American journalist get to do little. Judi Dench is wonderful and wise as Guido's costume designer-cum-therapist and, fortunately, is not asked to do much in terms of singing and dancing. Fergie is kind of fun as a childhood fantasy of sexuality — in the original film, the whore is fat and slovenly. Cruz and Cotillard get real characters to play, but they're the stuff of bad soap opera. Then there's Day-Lewis. He is an incredibly sexy man and performs all the right moves. The problem is, he keeps performing those same moves over and over, so one experiences not so much artistic angst but a guy trying to sober up from a two-week binge. Sporting a scruffy beard and running a hand through long hair only goes so far.

The Los Angeles Times

And while we're filling the suggestion box. . . . Because Nine is a musical, it would help if your leading man could sing, and I don't mean carry a tune, but actually flex some vocal muscle. Again, love Daniel Day-Lewis, excellent racing shirtless through the forest, but a song-and-dance man he is not.

Nine is one of those films that couldn't look better on paper — so many Oscar, Tony and Grammy winners involved that the production should have literally glittered with all that gold. But in the end, nothing adds up. Perhaps "Zero" would have been a better name.

The Village Voice

Nine might at least have been a guiltily pleasurable burlesque, were Marshall not so intent on turning all his grande dames into vamped-up grotesques. While Fergie emerges relatively unscathed, in part because her role-the feral prostitute Saraghina, from whom the chaste young Guido learns the facts of life-is meant to be a vamped-up grotesque, poor Hudson (as an enterprising Vogue reporter, dumbed down from the play's Cahiers du cinéma film critic) may never recover from gyrating her way through the atrocious "Cinema Italiano," a number that Marshall stages as something like Night of the Living Versace Runway Show. Wisely keeping her distance, Cotillard mostly lurks along the sidelines projecting a wounded visage, before finally stepping into the spotlight for the movie's single moment of emotional sincerity.

The New York Post

Penelope Cruz wriggling around in her underwear - the heavily edited result cannot quite be called dancing - in the best number, "A Call From the Vatican," is about as good as it's going to get in this faux-Fosse eyesore. Maury Yeston's mediocre, imitation-Kander-and-Ebb 1982 Broadway musical has been further edited and updated to suit the vocal limitations of its Weinstein-gerrymandered cast. Or, in the case of Kate Hudson as a journalist for American Vogue who vaguely tries to seduce our hero, the character and her awful number "Cinema Italiano" (in badly lit black-and-white) are interpolations that could be cut without changing the movie one whit.

The New York Times

Stacy Ferguson, known to pop-music fans as Fergie, is Saraghina, the village prostitute who provides the boy Guido with a glimpse of forbidden pleasures. Nice for him. The rest of us watch Ms. Ferguson stomp and gyrate through a number called "Be Italian," which, like so much else in Nine, resembles a spread in a Victoria's Secret catalog, only less tasteful. Ms. Hudson, for her part, struts through an embarrassing hymn to "Cinema Italiano" - with inane lyrics about "hip coffee bars" and Guido's "neo-realism" - that recalls not Visconti or Antonioni (or even the Italian sex farces of the 1970s) but rather those lubricious Berlusconi-esque variety shows that baffle and titillate visitors from other countries who turn on their hotel-room television sets. Those spectacles at least come by their sleaze honestly. "Nine" dresses up its coarseness in bogus prestige, which both kills the fun and exposes an emptiness at the project's heart - a fatal lack of inspiration. The fear of such a void is what animates the Guido character played by Marcello Mastroianni in 8 ½, a man whose vanity, tenderness and narcissism mirrored Fellini's own, and whose anxiety at the prospect of failing as an artist and a man made him a vivid and credible hero. That psychological dimension is missing from Nine, which never finds a way to communicate either the romantic ardor or the artistic passion that would make Mr. Day-Lewis's Guido interesting.

Loving the Iris Apfel thing that both Mary-Kate (L) and Ashley are rocking here!


Would it be a New York red carpet without Rachel Roy's sleek separates? No, it would not.


It's gotta be hard if, like Fergie, you spend hours on a full-out Aphrodite...


...only to find Marion Cotillard doing this far more elegant version of white...


And Penelope Cruz just doing "goddess" better than anyone else in the history of the world.


I'm guessing Kimora Lee Simmons (with Djimon Hounsou) has no moral qualms about fur. Just a guess.


Is the bandage still fresh? Maybe not, but as Emmanuelle Chriqui shows, it can still be sleek, sexy and very festive.


Melania Trump's bitch-face says, "that's right, I'm not wearing pants. And you'll take it and like it."


If you gotta ride the DeLorean, Naomi Watts shows what to wear.


It's gotta be hard to have a mom who can say, "Oh yeah, I invented that. 1984. Feel free to raid the closet!"


Nicole Kidman channels the original Barbie. I wouldn't be shocked if there's a striped bathing suit underneath.


"Honey, I thought we agreed "Ascotte Gavotte," not "Truman Capote's Black and White Ball!""


Judi Dench: what, it's cold.

[Images via Getty]

• Nene and Kim might get evicted from Real Housewives Of Atlanta?!?! Aren't they the most entertaining ones?

Oh: They're demanding more money than Bravo wants to shell out. Hmm. Anyways, Bravo is looking for new wealthy/notable Atlanta housewives, though Usher's ex-wife Tameka Foster isn't being considered: Apparently "Tameka isn't very popular in Atlanta," and all the "housewives" said they'd leave the show if she were cast. OUCH. [Gatecrasher]

• BREAKING: John Mayer was seen talking to Kim Kardashian. She is happy with Reggie Bush, however. [Page Six]
• A hip NYC cafe is being sued by a waitress who claims she had her hours cut after she refused to date the "Butterscotch Stallion," Owen Wilson. [Page Six]
• Oprah won't win an Oscar for "producing" Precious because she signed on to do so after the film was shot, which disqualifies her (and Tyler Perry). [NY Post]
• By the by: Oprah's ratings are down. [NY Post]
• I like the way Josh Brolin is looking at Matt Damon in this Entertainment Weekly pic from a story about the documentary project The People Speak. [Gatecrasher]
• A former nanny claims that Christie Brinkley ignored the fact that Alexa Joel was becoming a troubled child. [Page Six]
• Mischa Barton was seen knocking back shots and drinking margaritas and a source says "she looked healthy and in control." Whatever that means. [Page Six]
• Wendy Williams got breast implants when she was 14. FOURTEEN. fourteen years ago. Sigh. Misleading headline! [Gatecrasher via People]
• The company which has the rights to distribute shirts, posters and other things with Michael Jackson on 'em is suing EVERYONE who is "bootlegging" items. [TMZ]
• A California appeals court is considering whether Roman Polanski's case can be dismissed without him being present. [CNN, LA Times]
• Kendra Wilkinson has given birth to Hank Randall Baskett IV. [Ok!, People]
• Inevitable? Tiger Woods paramour Rachel Uchitel is in negotiations to pose for Playboy. [Extra]
• Another (unnamed) woman who had a relationship with Tiger Woods has hired Gloria Allred as her lawyer. [Radar Online]
• Porn star Holly Sampson is not denying anything; she confirms that she and Tiger Woods were "intimate." In addition, in some old video clip she says that Tiger is the whitest black boy you've ever met. His teeth are perfect and he's the perfect gentleman." Then she points to her crotch and says: "He's beautiful ... beautiful everything." [Us Magazine]
• Hollywood madam Michelle Braun says that at least two of Tiger Woods' hookups — Jamie Jungers and Holly Sampson — were high-end escorts. [TMZ]
• Oh, and Michelle Braun says that Tiger was a client, and paid $60,000 for her high-priced hookers. [E!, NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Holly Sampson: "Although I enjoyed our time together, I never was and never will be one of Tiger's mistresses. I resent being put in the same category as the other women." This is because their hookups took place before he was married. [TMZ]
• "Tiger Woods has come clean to his stunning Swedish wife about ALL of his dirty horndogging, porn-star loving, cocktail-waitress chasing and general catting around with scads of ladies, according to a report." [NY Post via People]
• TLC was granted an injunction against Jon Gosselin, which — thank Zeus — bars Jon from making any more appearances like that embarrassing pool party thing. [Extra, AP]
• You may have heard that Chris Brown did a radio interview in which the DJ asked him about Rihanna — and Chris promptly hung up. Audio at the link. [TMZ]
• Jeff Bridges plays a washed-up country singer named Bad Blake in new movie Crazy Heart, and says his mom didn't like one of his most famous characters, The Dude, and "probably wouldn't like Bad, either. She liked to see her son play the president or a doctor-like any old mom, you know." [WSJ]
• Q: You've been married to the same woman for 32 years. Rule #1 for staying together in Hollywood? 
Jeff Bridges: "Don't get a divorce. That will keep you together, you know." [WSJ]
• "Michael Barrett, 48, Will Plead Guilty To Stalking For Secretly Making Nude Film Of ESPN Reporter [Erin Andrews]; Faces 5 Years In Jail." [CBS News]
• Brad Paisley has the number one album on Time's Top 100 Albums list. [Time]
• The Princess And The Frog is the number one movie on Time's Top 100 movies list. (Up is number 2, so, yay! animation.) [Time]
• Lil Wayne's new album, Rebirth, has been delayed. Again. [Reuters]
• RIP Flight Of The Conchords. Show collaborator James Bobin says: "While the characters Bret and Jemaine will no longer be around, the real Bret and Jemaine will continue to exist." Quietly sob while you watch this video the guys made for us, the ladies of the world. Redheads not warheads! Blondes not bombs! Brunettes not fighter jets! [NY Times]
• RIP It's On With Alexa Chung, which I actually thought didn't seem so bad, although I only saw it once or twice. [Variety]
• Russell Crowe is an a "laughable weepie" of a movie this columnist calls a "mawkish blunder." [NY Post]
• "I'm not picky, quite honestly. It's simply that I recognize pretty quickly the stuff that I don't like. And I also recognize the impulse that is dragging me towards a piece of work. And perhaps as you get older, that impulse comes less often." — Daniel Day-Lewis sounds kind of picky about his acting roles. [Guardian]
• "I am not proud of being rich." — Ricky Gervais. [Page Six]
• "There's no question that the recession has had an effect on the arts, especially on British films. Things are not being greenlit as much and it is more difficult for people to get work. When you go abroad people always talk with such love about British theatre, but the irony is that it's not appreciated by the Government as it should be. The state of the arts has always been, and will always be, precarious. But there is something so alarming about the huge cuts made to companies, particularly when you read of the astronomical amounts some people are earning, like bankers… I am concerned that they've taken a lot of the subsidy to the arts away for the Olympics. It's been siphoned off." — Dame Judi Dench is is calling for arts funding to be fixed. [Times Of London]
• "The Internet is full of humorists. They've risen from the earth. They've fallen from the skies. Anyone can write anything, anytime they want. Blogs that are angry—which maybe half of them are—wear out. What people keep going back to are writers who are funny. That's a great thing." — Garrison Keillor. At the link, he reveals why he wears red shoes. [Time]
• "I'm doing well, you know, because I'm committed to it and they're lovely, lovely people, its been nice. Obviously when I heard that my girlfriend had preacher parents, I thought well this has got a huge scope for disaster, but it's actually been quite good so far. Its been really good actually, in retrospect its been one of my favorite years, [the highlight was] meeting Katy. She's amazing. I'm having a right laugh. She's a good person to spend time with and its changed me - it's made me stop doing stuff that I probably shouldn't have been doing." — Russell Brand. [Daily Mail]
• "I didn't get cast in Shakespeare, but [my teacher Mrs. Rodriguez] cast me later in Oliver… There are a lot of people in my life who are surprised that I am where I am, but Mrs. Rodriguez would not be. I wish more than anything that she truly knew how much I really loved her for the gift that she gave me." — America Ferrera "held back tears" as she spoke at a New York Women In Film lunch; her teacher died of cancer before America became a star. [Page Six]
• "WOW... THIS IS REALLY FLATTERING... I'VE HAD SOME UPS AND DOWNS THIS YEAR, WELL ACTUALLY THIS DECADE. JUST SEEING THIS COVER TAKES ME BACK TO THAT TIME OF MY LIFE. I REMEMBER HOW MUCH PAIN AND LOVE WENT INTO THIS ALBUM. NO ONE SAW IT COMING. THIS PROJECT WASN'T ABOUT ME, IT WAS ABOUT A TIME IN PEOPLES LIVES WHERE PEOPLE FORCE OPINIONS ON YOU AND YOU HAVE TO MAKE CHOICES FOR YOURSELF. WE LOVED 50 CENT BUT WE WANTED TO BE THE YANG. WE WANTED TO WEAR PINK POLOS AND RAP ABOUT BEING HURT INSTEAD BEING INVINCIBLE. THERE WAS A CORE GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO WORKED ON THIS ALBUM EVERYDAY.... PLAIN PAT, JOHN MONOPOLY, DON CRAWLEY, ANTHONY KILHOFFER, MANNY MARROQUIN, JOHN LEGEND, DEVON HARRIS, RYHMEFEST, GEE ROBERSON, HIP HOP, AL BRANCH, DAMON DASH, GABE TESORIERO, CRAIG BAUER, GLC, OL' SCHOOL ICE GREE, CONSEQUENCE, B NICE AND MY MOM. I WAS MOST INSPIRED BY THE MISEDUCATION OF LAURYN HILL AND I LISTENED TO THAT ALBUM EVERYDAY WHILE WORKING ON MY DEBUT. THANK YOU FOR THIS ACKNOWLEDGMENT AND FOR PUTTING "THE BLUEPRINT" ON THE LIST ALSO. I LOVED "THE LOVE BELOW' AND "GET RICH OR DIE TRYING" ALSO. THEY BOTH EQUALLY DESERVED THE NUMBER ONE SPOT IN MY EYES BUT THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE NUMBER ONE!!!" — Your friend Kanye West is kind of excited about Entertainment Weekly naming his CD, The College Dropout, the top album of the decade. [KanyeUniverseCity]

Model Tallulah Adeyemi is one of four women in the world who can work a bra-cup bodice. I'm not sure that the rest of it shouldn't be more deco-fitted, but whatevs.


Quoth Dodai, "I don't know who that is, but I admire her moxie." (It's Shingai Shoniwa of The Noisette.)


Nancy Del'Olio realizes this is the one case where "Fellini-esque" is not a horrified insult (necessarily.) And she's taking full advantage.


Guinnesses: how do I love thee? Let me count the ways: Mitford-descended, and (in the case of Jasmine), leopard-sporting, drapery-trailing, retro-glam.


Doesn't the beauty of Penelope Cruz in this ragamuffin-glam just make you ache like a perfect sunset or the Grand Canyon or some Hudson River School-worthy vista?


NB, Nicole: 20s-Victorian-schoolgirl is not your look. Indeed, arguably not anyone's. Well, maybe a Guinness.


Kate Hudson's bodice looks suspiciously like one of those rubber mats we made as kids from little beads and ironed into trivets or ambiguous Christmas presents. And, therefore, uncomfortable. But this is total La Dolce Vita territory.


Lemon may actually be Judi Dench's color - yet further proof of her exceptionalism.
<brNatasha Kaplinsky is a news-reader. Her guest is not ID'd. He has a velvet jacket.


Hey, if you're going to dress like a mariachi ringmaster, and apparently DDL is going to do just that, now's the time. And Rebecca Miller is obviously supportive.

[Images via Getty]

• Jennifer Hudson will sing for President Obama, Michelle Obama and their guests at a state dinner tonight.

I love that the Obamas love their Chicago gal. She should always be at the White House. For some reason, I am imagining a scenario in which JHud sings "And I am telling you… I'm not going…" And then actually refuses to leave. [ET]

• Miley Cyrus went for burgers, and when the counter person asked her name to mark the order, the teen dream said: ""Are you serious? You don't recognize me? I'm Miley Cyrus." The counterperson shrugged, having no idea what that meant, and replied: "That's nice for you. Here is your order. Have a good day." [Page Six]
• Wow, Carla Bruni is going to be in a Woody Allen movie! "I don't know for what role but I said yes," she explains. And she admits she lacks experience as an actress: Perhaps I will be very bad." [WSJ]
• Judi Dench was filming a Christmas special set in the 1840s when she lost a crown on her tooth. ''There wasn't time for me to change,'' she says. ''So I was in my wig and bonnet and all my clothes. I went into the waiting room and sat and registered, and everyone kept looking at me. When I got in to see the dentist, he said: 'Are you busy working at the moment?' I was wearing a full wig with curls." [Telegraph]
• BREAKING: Amber Tamblyn got eyelash extensions. [Page Six]
• Jon and Kate might be over, but the Jon Gosselin drama lives on! The breach of contract suit against him — in which TLC claims be took on unauthorized work — persists. Now there are — you guessed it — phone call recordings between Gosselin's manager and (who else?) Michael Lohan. [MSNBC Scoop]
• At the link, you can listen to a recorded Jon Gosselin rant about TLC and say: "I put my kids out there to every pedophile on the planet and they never got paid for it." [Radar Online]
• Mariah Carey was on GMTV in the UK, and the host of the show says: "She had two people to lower her on to the GMTV sofa, in case her dress got crushed, one person to walk in front of her backwards at all times in case she fell over and several people behind the camera making sure she was going to be filmed from the right angle! Oh, and she brought her own toilet roll as well." [The Sun]
• Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds partied all night for ScarJo's birthday, and ScarJo and RyRen looked so in love and everything was wonderful and their life is perfect. [Page Six]
• Regis Philbin will be away from Live with Regis & Kelly for a month while he recovers from hip replacement surgery. Be well Reege! [NY Post]
• Emma Watson has a new boyfriend, Spanish rock star Rafael Cebrian. Allegedly. [Page Six]
• Amy Winehouse spent thousands on "saucy" underwear, perfume and a rhinestone-enrcusted whip over the weekend. According to a source, "Amy loves showing off her new boobs and wanted to get sexy underwear to make the most of them. She couldn't resist getting a few other bits and pieces, like the whip." [The Sun]
• Remember when Nicole Kidman said she'd "explored obsession" and "strange sexual fetish stuff"? She takes it back, sorta: She meant when acting! "That's what I said in relation to my work. In terms of my work, yeah, I'm interested in exploring love and so that comes in all different forms. In terms of my private life, I'd never reveal what I've explored in my private life." [Daily Express]
• Just because Taylor Lautner is on the cover of Men's Health and Taylor Swift was on the cover of Women's Health doesn't mean they're in competition with each other. Jeez. [Page Six]
• A film about Lil' Wayne is controversial? You don't say. [CNN]
• For some reason I hallucinated that Cougar Town was cancelled. Instead it was just on a break while Courteney Cox dealt with a "family matter" and will be back filming on November 30. I would love to do a "when do you think Cougar Town will get cancelled" pool, though. [People]
  
• Neve Campbell talks about living in London, getting ready to film Scream 4, her "terrible" fashion mistakes in the past, her work with an orphanage in African and "working the Sidney bob" for the Scream flicks. [BlackBook]
• Timbaland says he did not delete Chris Brown's vocal from a track called "The One I Love" due to the drama in Chris' life — "Chris is a friend to us," a rep for Timbaland claims. But Chris is missing from the song. [E!]
• 50 Cent settled the lawsuit he filed against Taco Bell after the fast-food chain used his name without permission. The dollar amount has not been disclosed, but 50 was asking for $4 million, which buys a lot of 99¢ tacos. [NY Post]
• Tyler Perry has donate $1 million to the NAACP. [WaPo]
• Spencer Pratt bet some DJs that Heidi Montag's performance at the Miss Universe pageant was the most-watched performance of all time and now he wants his money. [TMZ]
• Jeez, the Aerosmith dramz is never-ending. Joe Perry is not speaking to Steven Tyler and seems generally hostile about the situation. [MTV News]
• It appears that Pulp Fiction writer Roger Avary is updating his Twitter account and Tweeting. From JAIL. [The Wrap]
• Rosie O'Donnell raised money for her Rosie's Broadway Kids charity not by offering trips or prizes or dinners — but by working the room. [Showbiz 411]
• Poor Kirk Cameron. Going to a UCLA to convince students that Darwin's theory of evolution is wrong really backfired on you, huh? The students totally know what they're talking about when they say Darwin had evidence. [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila claims a sex video that recently popped up on a porn site was stolen from her laptop two years ago. She's planning to sue. [TMZ]
• There will be a Susan Boyle documentary on the TV Guide Network? Isn't that the one where the channels scroll all day long? [NY Post]
• Little Richard is recovering from surgery and asks for your wop bop a loo bops and prayers. [USA Today]
• Whatshername would like to apologize for her behavior since her divorce. [BBC News]
• "I knew what tone I wanted for the book, and it was a matter first of coming up with an outline, getting the characters, the ending, and then figuring out how to get from one point to the next. I'd send [a chapter] to [my collaborator]. He'd come back with some notes. If there was something I felt strongly enough about, then we'd talk about it to see if it would work. The book had to sound like I wrote it." — Al Roker, on his new mystery novel, The Morning Show Murders. [The Daily Beast]
• "The difference between you and me is that even when I wash my hands, I can't get it out of my mind that they're not clean. I have to go back to the sink, I can't even continue with my day. I have to leave the party, leave work. Those thoughts are so intrusive and on a continual loop that I can't inhibit it. Everybody has irregular thoughts, but not like this… I'm probably the only guy set up for these book signings hoping no one will show up. I don't want to face anyone, look anyone in the eye. Who, with my condition, would do a book tour right in the middle of H1N1 flu season?" — Howie Mandel, whose book, Here's the Deal: Don't Touch Me, hits stores today. [USA Today]
• "Why are people embarrassed about elderly sex? I hate it when I'm given a script in which the guy's wife is dead. That's just an easy way to dispense with having sex. Audiences don't want to see Big Daddy and Big Mama in bed – but I like to talk about it." — James Earl Jones, who plays Big Daddy in the all-black stage version of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, now in London. [Guardian]
• "We have gotten ourselves into a big, deep hole in the way that we look at healthcare. We are in a system where they get money when we're sick. That's never going to work for us. So when someone says, 'You don't need a mammogram until you're 50,' you take charge of that. I don't trust any of that." — Melissa Etheridge. [People]
• "We were working 12 hours a day, so it didn't leave too much time to eat." — New Moon's Ashley Greene on staying thin. Then her publicist nudged her, and she said: "We had a personal trainer and then we also had fight training." [Ny Daily News]
• "It took us only six months to get married, but it took us five years to commit to making a movie together." — Tao Ruspoli, who made the indie flick Fix with his wife of seven years, Olivia Wilde. [Page Six]
• "I'm all set [with a boyfriend]. But unfortunately not everyone out there is and it's tough to date, to be out there and so I kind of wanted to portray that other side of women's reality and [my song] 'Did It Again' is about making recurrently the same mistake which is something us women tend to do because of our emotional nature, that emotional, romantic and dreamy nature." — Shakira. [AP]
• "He plays guitar and has a great voice. Kids and dogs love him. He loves his mom and sister and girlfriend. He's perfect... too bad he's ugly." — Natalie Portman on Jake Gyllenhaal. I know she's kidding, but I do suspect he's had a nose job. [Mirror]

• Finally, it's confirmed: Heidi Klum gave birth to a girl, Lou Samuel, on October 9 in L.A. (Her siblings are Johan, 2½ Henry, 5 and Leni, 5.) Seal says:

"From the moment she looked into both of our eyes, it was endless love at first sight. She is beautiful beyond words and we are happy that she chose us to watch her grow over the coming years." [People, AP]

• Wait, is Sparkle Vamp Robert Pattinson not with Kristen Stewart? "Girls scream out for Edward, not Robert," the Twilight star sighs. "I still can't get a date." [People]
• Michael Lohan is trying to get Jon Gosselin to join the Celebrity Boxing Federation. "I am in the Celebrity Boxing Federation, so I had to go out to Philadelphia to meet with the chairman of the organization," Lohan says. "They asked me if Jon would fight, so I went up to Pennsylvania to visit Jon." So you're saying they used you to do their dirty work? [Us Magazine]
• "Jon and Kate Gosselin call 'truce' until their scheduled hearing about family's 'economic issues.'" [NY Daily News]
• Jon and Kate are in court this morning! Let the battle of the joint bank account cash begin. [TMZ]
• An ex-boyfriend of Madonna's former trainer, Tracy Anderson — who is also Gwyneth Paltrow's buddy — claims she swindled him out of $1 million and drove him into bankruptcy. The dude, Glynn Barber, says: "She used her female charms to manipulate me to invest $1 million in her company. I was an easy target. She told me she was a Power Ranger. She told me she was in the musical Cats for four years. She said her ex-husband, Eric, played for the Knicks… None of this turned out to be true." He adds: "I made Madonna's fitness equipment for $13,000 and Tracy sold it to her for $26,000. She made a fortune from using Madonna's name." [Page Six]
• Madonna is offering one of her favorite pairs of Christian Dior shoes to a charity supporting Gypsy child education. The "skyscraper" gold heels are autographed by Her Madgesty and will be sold at the Ovidiu Rom annual ball later this month. [AP]
• Penelope Cruz's ring is news, I tell you. News! [Page Six, Gatecrasher]
• Amy Winehouse is in a new relationship. She's been seeing a new guy for just over a month, and a source says, "He's good to her." [Digital Spy]
• Amy Winehouse caused "havoc" and "mayhem" on the set of Strictly Come Dancing according to this story, which seems greatly exaggerated. [The Sun]
• Hey look! Another story about how The Sun makes shit up. This time Lily Allen has accepted substantial undisclosed libel damages after the paper printed an article called "Ranting Lily." [The Star]
• Is Kanye West actually at an ashram in India? He still posts to his blog. Or someone does. [MSNBC Scoop, KanyeUniverseCity]
• File under Signs Of The Apocalypse: Heidi Montag wants to be "Octomom." [NY Daily News]
• Tyra did a promotional photo shoot in New York City for her talk show yesterday. [Gatecrasher]
• Whitney Port waited outside of a club for 30 minutes because the doorman hadn't seen The Hills or The City and wasn't impressed by her. [NY Post]
• That was quick: Paul Anka is now a 50% partner in the publishing rights to Michael Jackson's song "This Is It." [TMZ, TMZ, TMZ]
• Um. Michael Jackson's hair. Up for auction. [Guardian]
• Is Quinnipiac University worried about sending interns to the David Letterman show? [TMZ]
• Boo: Glee won't be part of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, because the parade airs on NBC… and Glee is on Fox. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Matthew Perry will star, co-write and executive produce a new comedy about a self-involved manager of a second-rate sports arena who begins to re-evaluate his life on his 40th birthday. The show is being pitched to networks this week. [Reuters]
• Tilda Swinton is fighting against a planned £1 billion Donald Trump golf resort, which will evict four residents at the Menie estate in Aberdeenshire, Scotland. [Mirror]
• Rio de Janeiro hearts Woody Allen! The city is offering $2 million in subsidies to attract the director's as-yet-untitled next movie. [LA Times]
• I don't understand what is up between Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook, but they were having a custody dispute and now they have reached a settlement and are moving on. [ET]
• Right-handed Andy Roddick beat Virgin heir Sam Branson at tennis — playing as a leftie. [Page Six]
• Carly Simon is suing Starbucks for failing to properly promote a CD that she cut for the company last year. She wants between between $5 million and $10 million, which could buy a lotta lattes. [NYPost]
• Do you watch Southland? Of course you don't. Well, it's canceled now. [NY Post]
• "With the gay movement, it's personal. The same religious-right [bleep]holes who took away my civil rights and put me in jail for a year because they don't like what I do for a living have taken away gay rights. I know firsthand how it feels to have your civil rights stripped from you… P.S., lots of lesbians marched, too." — Joe "Girls Gone Wild" Francis, explaining why he joined the gay rights march in D.C. [Page Six]
• "After a week of considering to stop the release of the movie, I decided it fit the character in the film and it should stay in." — Sharon Stone on her leg-crossing scene in Basic Instinct. [NY Post]
• "If it had been my daughter who was barely a teenager - my daughter is 15 - Roman Polanski would be missing ... period. It wouldn't even get to the court case. But, that's me and I wouldn't want anyone else to follow that because you should let the justice system work it out." — Jamie Foxx, to Parade magazine. [MSNBC]
• "The family is fine with it. Who cares about the money? We have enough money. If I cared about the money, I'd be doing a reality show and doing interviews." — Randy Jackson on the distribution of Michael Jackson's estate. [TMZ]
• "I'm still wearing my own clothes, but I can't button my jeans anymore." — pregnant Padma Lakshmi. [WWD]
• "Was I in love? I couldn't really say. I was certainly intellectually curious and I felt emotionally connected. She was a primary school teacher and she was running away from her husband and had her child in tow. I saw her naked most days of the week, running around, putting the kettle on. In some shape or form I was going to get into that bed with her and lose my virginity. Which I did. Three, four, five weeks later she was pregnant." — Malcom McLaren on his years with Vivienne Westwood. [Times Of London]
• "I've made some OK movies. I don't think I've ever had a movie that was, like, a real Chris Rock movie. This is the closest I can get to it, I think. [My daughters] are very girly, so they're in their mother's [Malaak Compton-Rock] closet all the time putting on clothes and putting stuff in their hair, and they do their girlfriends' hair. You know, growing up with women around me and my daughters, it seemed like a rich topic." — Chris Rock on Good Hair. [WWD]
• "Probably the majority of young actors want to make a big impression in television or film straight away. I wish that young people now - and it's not very fashionable - learnt a bit about our fantastic heritage of theatre and the people who've gone before, learnt a bit about the history of the theatre, because it's phenomenal." — Dame Judi Dench. [Telegraph]
• "We didn't set out to make a children's movie, we set out to make a movie about childhood. In the same way that's what Maurice Sendak does: Maurice Sendak doesn't look at himself as a children's book author. He looks at himself as someone who's trying to write about childhood in an honest way. And with him as our producer, but really as our mentor, he guided us and inspired us to stay true to that." — Spike Jonze on Where The Wild Things Are. [The Philadelphia Inquirer]
• "Most kids in movies are 'de-fanged.' They have no wildness. What we figured out pretty quickly was that we all clearly remembered what it was like to be a boy, to be a little wild and get into trouble." — Dave Eggers, screenwriter for Where The Wild Things Are. [Telegraph]
• "In plain terms, a child is a complicated creature who can drive you crazy. There's a cruelty to childhood, there's an anger. And I did not want to reduce Max to the trite image of the good little boy that you find in too many books." — Maurice Sendak on Where The Wild Things Are. [AP]

• The San Diego District Attorney's office has closed Tila Tequila's case against San Diego Chargers star Shawne Merriman, stating that "there is insufficient evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that any crime was committed." [TMZ]

• Tequila's rep begs to differ: "Tila Tequila is the victim of a violent crime. The San Diego District Attorney's decision not to press charges against Shawne Merriman for the battering of Tila Tequila demonstrates an unconscionable negligence in the discharging of their public duties. We strongly feel that justice has not been served in this matter." Her rep also claims that Tequila plans to file a civil suit against Merriman. [E!]
• Lindsay Lohan says that when she was younger, she wanted to be like Britney Spears: "I think I always kind of aspired to be like Britney Spears in the tabloids when I was in middle school," she says, "It's kind of something you sign up for in the beginning and if you really want it, you know that comes with it." [TheSun]
• Former WWE wrestler Jeff Hardy has been arrested and charged with felony drug trafficking. [TheSun]
• "I love going to the Playboy Mansion party with my boyfriend. Last year, we got dressed up as dead foppish Brits with topcoats and white contact lenses. These naked girls on Ecstasy kept coming up to us, like, 'We love your contacts.' We'd twirl around and say, 'Well, we like your breasts!'"-Neil Patrick Harris [ONTD]
• Matt Damon's daughter, Alexia, got a kick out of her father's 30 pound weight gain for his role in The Informant: "She had fun with it by squeezing all the soft squishy parts and called me 'Fatty Matty,'" Damon says. [People]
• Levi Johnson is definitely going to drop his pants for Playgirl, but reportedly can't decide if he wants to show "the front or the back." [TMZ]
• A collection of 10 Andy Warhol silkscreens, all of famous athletes, has been stolen. [Yahoo]
• Audrina Patridge has filed a restraining order against an "overzealous male fan." [TMZ]
• When Nicky Hilton was asked if she was glad that her sister, Paris reunited with boyfriend Doug Reinhardt, she replied: "Ummm...no." She later said she was kidding, though. [E!]
• Katherine Heigl says her husband, Josh Kelley has always been supportive of her desire to adopt a child: ""I just wanted to make sure that I was marrying a guy who understood that that was going to have to happen," she says, "So about a year ago is when we said, 'OK, let's start the process,' and the process is intense. It's different but it isn't, do you know what I mean? It's just as intense I'm sure to have a baby biologically because you're going through the whole physical sort of thing of it." [Radar]
• Tom Brady has confirmed that he will be a father again: his wife, Gisele Bundchen is due in December. [People]
• Susan Boyle reportedly broke down in tears when she heard her album for the first time. "I think at the point where she didn't win, she was afraid everything would be taken away from her and she was going to go back to that little house," Simon Cowell says, "She didn't want to go back to that life." [ShowbizSpy]
• "As a model it is normal to be taking your clothes off all the time. I wouldn't think I was ever too old to do something like that. I mean, maybe if I was 60 or 70, then yes, I'd stop doing nude shoots, but then it depends who's asking."-Claudia Schiffer [DailyExpress]
• Amy Winehouse has agreed to sing at a Greek wedding tonight for £20,000. [TheSun]
• Meryl Streep says she's "exhausted" from making seven movies in two and a half years, and plans to slow down a bit: "I haven't ever considered giving up acting," she says, "but I do need enforced rest in my career. When each of my children was born I took a year off. It is very nice to have time to live, gather experiences and watch other people." [ShowbizSpy]
• Chace Crawford and Bar Refaeli were spotted dancing together in NYC last night: ""At one point, Bar reached down and grabbed Chace's backside," says a source, "They were very affectionate with each other." [JustJared]
• "I don't like boys who are mean to their mommies. That's a real turn off for me. And I don't like boys who aren't chivalrous. To me, not being respectful is a big deal.""-Megan Fox [ShowbizSpy]
• "No, I wouldn't call myself a feminist at all, really. I don't know what a feminist is. I believe in women having a say."-Dame Judi Dench [Guardian]

For one thing, Jude Law stars, in drag, as a supermodel named Minx. Lily Cole, glimpsed here briefly in the trailer, plays model Lettuce Leaf; Dame Judi Dench is the fashion critic, and Simon Abkarian, who starred in Potter's 2005 film Yes, does a brilliant-looking turn as a very Galliano-esque fashion designer named Merlin. Even Eddie Izzard, Steve Buscemi, John Leguizamo, and Dianne Wiest pop up in the ensemble cast.

Apparently, the movie — which premiered at the Berlin Film Festival earlier this year and was nominated for the Golden Bear — proceeds entirely in the form of interviews, apparently recorded by a young film student backstage at fashion house where an accident on the runway becomes the subject of a murder investigation. Michelangelo, as the unseen film student is known, posts the confessional clips on the Internet. Whether the technique of forcing the audience to imagine all the plot's action will lead to filmic brilliance — or maddening frustration — can't be judged from a trailer alone. But on the strength of the visuals — Jude Law preening in a corset, Eddie Izzard in a three-piece suit — and the writing — photographer Steve Buscemi musing on shooting people versus shooting people, Judi Dench comparing fashion to "pornography to which millions are addicted" — we're excited to find out.

Rage Trailer [YouTube]
Rage The Movie [Official Site]

• A fan of Britney Spears rushed up on stage and tried to dance with Brit Brit on Saturday night in Connecticut. He was quickly surrounded by backup dancers and "escorted" away. There's video. [Perez]

• The dude in question (at Britney's concert) was drunk. He was arrested for breach of the peace and also booked for being "highly uncooperative" while in custody. [Daily Mail]
• Madonna's case in the adoption of Mercy James will be in the Malawi Supreme Court today. Will Mercy's biological father — who opposes the adoption — try to derail the proceedings? [Times of London, UPI]
• Madonna and Demi Moore have bonded over Kabbalah and the fact that they both have younger men; a source says they're hoping to arrange a double date soon. Do you think they'll have milkshakes? One glass, four straws? [Daily Mail]
• Madonna's daughter Lourdes hearts Lady GaGa! Madge and Lola went to Lady G's show in NYC and Lourdes was "singing along to every word." What's amusing is that since GaGa's megablonde and cartoonish, she's almost like a young Madonna, no? [Gatecrasher]
• David Hasselhoff was rushed to the hospital for alcohol poisoning over the weekend. His 16-year-old daughter found him unconscious and he was "barely breathing" when they got to the emergency room. [Radar Online]
• Amy Winehouse left the hospital — where she'd been after collapsing for dehydration — and went to a bar. [The Sun]
• Angelina Jolie's "curved bullet kill" in Wanted has been nominated for an MTV Movie Award in a new category: Best WTF Moment. Possibly because MTV would love it if Angie showed up. [E!]
• By the by: Andrew Morton, who penned biographies of Princess Di, Monica Lewinsky and Tom Cruise, will write about Angelina Jolie next. [Page Six]
• Casey Aldridge, boyfriend and baby daddy to Jamie Lynn Spears, is out of the hospital after flipping his truck. A "source" says "They're both at the house in Liberty [Miss.]... Now Jamie Lynn will have two babies to care for." [E!, People]
• "I'm not embarrassed about being bisexual," says Pink, according to this disreputable paper. [News Of The World]
• Pink has Twittered: "I just read that I'm bisexual. So 1991. Good thing people write articles about me so I can get my facts [straight]." Apparently the interview with the News Of The World was "entirely fabricated." [NY Daily News]
• Words you probably never thought you would see together: "Robert Pattinson's penis implant." [Yahoo News via Bang Showbiz]
• Crap. Jenny McCarthy has inked a deal with Oprah Winfrey's Harpo Productions and will develop a talk show, which, of course, Jenny will host. What do you think she'll talk about? Autism? Anyone? [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• Wolverine had an $87 million opening weekend, which is huge. But holding on to it might be tough: Star Trek opens this Friday. [NY Post]
• Now that you've suffered through Wolverine, know this: Hugh Jackman will star in Ghostopolis, a flick about a man who works for the government's Supernatural Immigration Task Force. His job is to send ghosts who have escaped into our world back to Ghostopolis. It's what they call "high concept." [The Hollywood Reporter]
• A writer hangs out with famed trainer Tracy Anderson: "According to Tracy, if I commit to an hour of her exercise regime six days a week, for the rest of my life, just like Gwynnie and Madge (whose remarkable bodies she proudly takes responsibility for), a 'teeny, tiny, lean and mean' figure will be mine. Voilà." [Daily Mail]
• Scarlett Johansson's directorial debut — a segment for New York, I Love You — is going straight to DVD. It's being called "unwatchable" and a source says, "It was really bad, so it was cut." [Daily Mail]
• Bethenny Frankel, one of the Real Housewives of New York, went out to a Hula-Hoop competition with a date… and the Times. She wore "a baby T and skin-tight Paige jeans." And said: ""My friends call me 'That Girl,' like Marlo Thomas. Like, I'm in New York trying to figure it out." [NY Times]
• Real Housewife Kelly Bensimon says of her ex, the guy she allegedly gave a black eye: "What guy does that? He acted like he was Rihanna." Her attorney calls Nick Stefanov a "jilted moron." [Newser via NY Daily News]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Elisabeth Hasselbeck says: "I'm definitely not paying attention to my pregnancy." That makes two of us! [People]
• Jay-Z is living in post-racial America, you guys. He performed at the University of Arizona and later blogged: "On the show as well were Third Eye Blind and Kelly Clarkson ... I thought that had to be the oddest pairing ever, but soon realized it's what I've always professed. There's NO such thing as Black music or White music only Good or Bad music." [MTV via RapRadar.com]
• Rihanna's new man is an ex; she was seeing Negus Sealy before she "made it." A source says: "He's a really smart guy - clever, good looking, very cool. All the girls adore him and call him the Love God." [Daily Mail, NY Post]
• Victoria and David Beckham are house-hunting in Italy; he's been playing for AC Milan while Vicky and the kids stayed in L.A. since the boys are enrolled in CA schools, but now that summer's coming, it's Ciao, Hollywood. [Daily Mail]
• John "The Player" Mayer is single again. It seems that model he was dating talked too much. To the press. Although who knows. [Gatecrasher]
• Cindy Crawford's husband, Rande Gerber, is being sued for sexual harassment by two female employees at a San Diego business he owns. [Page Six]
• Someone asked Russell Brand if he would shag reported virgin Susan Boyle. "I don't think I should be the one to do that," he said. "Susan deserves a nice strapping farmer from the North." Related: What is wrong with people?!?! [The Sun]
• Gisele Bundchen rarely poses for pictures with her new husband Tom Brady: "Tom hates being photographed," she explains. [Gatecrasher]
• Mark McGrath is no longer the host of Extra, so he's trying to make music again. Sugar Ray comeback album, people. Titled: Music For Cougars. Naturally. [Page Six]
• Princess Eugenie was mugged in Cambodia. [Mirror]
• Enrique Iglesias and his manager allegedly ran over the foot of an 11-year-old girl as they were leaving a radio station appearance back in 2007. Lawsuit alert! [TMZ]
• A Little Britain movie could be coming to the United States. [The Sun]
• Sting's daughter, Coco Sumner, fell and fractured her skull outside of a restaurant. She is recovering "well." [Daily Mail
• Vanessa Hudgens has settled a breach of contract lawsuit filed against her by a producer who worked with her very early in her career. [UPI]
• Another day, another claim that Coldplay's music is stolen. This time it's Cat Stevens — sorry — Yusuf Islam, who says: "There's been this argument about Coldplay stealing this melody from Joe Satriani, but, if you listen to it, it's mine! It's the Foreigner Suite, it is!" [The Sun]
• An excerpt from a Paul Newman biography has details about the actor's relationship with Joanne Woodward — which started when he was married to someone else. "I was probably too immature to make a success of my first marriage," Newman allegedly said. "Guilty as hell" was how he described himself about his first marriage, adding: "And I'll carry it with me for the rest of my life." [Daily Mail]
• Blind item: "Which D-list rapper got in a hemp, er, heap, of trouble with event sponsors when he lit up a joint at their bash? They couldn't kick him out because he was the 'big' celebrity name of the night, but they didn't end up paying him." [Gatecrasher]
• "Famous female singers tend to moan and whine a lot about being famous. Damn, I'm Pink and my bank account hasn't seen a red zero for a long time, and I can do what I love best — sing. Isn't that something that makes life better?" — Pink. [News Of The World]
• "When you come to film in Rome, the official statement to you is that the Vatican has no influence. Everything progressed very smoothly, but unofficially a couple of days before we were to start filming in several of our locations, it was explained to us that through back channels and so forth that the Vatican had exerted some influence. Was I surprised? No. Am I a little frustrated at times? Sure." — Ron Howard, on shooting Angels & Demons. [AP]
• "It is good fun and the part feels like it was written for me. Chuck has witty lines, gets to dress up and has very nice clothes […] [Sometimes] I [keep and] wear the suits. They're killer, don't you think? There is a lot of stuff I wouldn't wear, but he really puts it together very well. The whole outfit just comes together as an interesting look." — Ed Westwick. [Mirror]
• "Nia is like a rock star over there. You walk down the streets of Greece and people just go nuts, it's like you're with Tom Cruise or something." — Rachel Dratch, who is in the new Nia Vardalos flick, My Life In Ruins. [CBS News]
• "I've always rather admired you but now I realise you're an absolute ——. I'm only sorry I didn't get a chance to kick you when I fell over – maybe next time." — Judi Dench, in response to a critic who called her latest play "deeply dodgy" and "fit only for pretentious masochists." [Telegraph]
• "All of these shows are derivative of the shows that we used to do. The topics, some of the story lines, they're all very similar to what we did every day on the show for 11 years. When you have dynamic people that have some sort of conflict and put them in a confined space together, it's bound to be dramatic." — Ricki Lake, new host of Charm School, thinks the reality genre is a lot like her old talk show. [NY Daily News]

• Chris Brown's management is reportedly working feverishly on ''Project Mea Culpa.'' Sources say he and Rihanna will co-author a book about abuse and go on talk shows.

• "The only way Chris can possibly reverse things is to come clean and help raise awareness about abusive relationships,'' said a source close to his legal team, who added that part of the deal is that he'll pay Rihanna as much as $10 million ''if he as much as squeezes her arm the wrong way." [Chicago Sun-Times]
• A L.A. judge filed a protective order against Chris Brown yesterday and TMZ has a copy. It allows Rihanna to record her phone conversations with Chris. Also, he must not "harass, strike, threaten, assault (sexually or otherwise), follow, stalk, molest, destroy or damage personal or real property, disturb the peace, keep under surveillance, or block movements of" Rihanna.[TMZ]
• Rihanna's lawyer says she'll testify against Chris Brown if she's required to, but didn't say how Rihanna wants the case to turn out. "The fact is, Rihanna desires that it be quick and expeditious," said her lawyer. "She wants to get back to her life and her career." [Us]
• Chris Brown was at the SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills last night but he wasn't partying. He was there for a dinner business meeting with a man who works in the music industry and didn't drink. [TMZ]
• Blogger Ben Barna claimed that singer Nikki Jean was the woman who sent Chris text messages that ignited his assault, but she sent him a Facebook message saying she hasn't seen or spoken to Rihanna or Chris in six months. Barna apologized. [Black Book]
• More than 1,100 pages of documents have been released in the Caylee Anthony case including images from her mother's computer. Casey Anthony had saved on the computer pictures of skulls and a drawing of two skeletons locked in an embrace and a photo of Caylee with a heart-shaped sticker similar to the one found on her body. [People]
• Kristen Stewart has been criticized for not attending the Oscars to support Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson, but she has a good reason: She wasn't invited. "If I was invited to the Oscars, I would be there in a nanosecond," she says. "If I got an invitation to the Oscars, I wouldn't turn it down!" [E!]
• Lauren Conrad says she's leaving The Hills because she's tired of leading a double life. "You see us on the show and we appear to have seminormal lives, but if you watch any entertainment news show, half of the cast is being swarmed by paparazzi," says Lauren. "I'm excited to go back to having just one life, because there were times that I got them confused." [Us]
• As Pamela Anderson was modeling a Vivienne Westwood gown on the runway with the designer, her top popped open exposing her breast. Yeah, there are pictures. [The Sun]
• Zac Efron's mom talked to him about why he and girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens were photographed looking at sex toys. "My stocking was full of condoms this Christmas," he says. "She buys me the economy box." [People]
• Sienna Miller was kicked in the face by a horse as a child. She pointed out the scar to Jay Leno last night, but frankly, we can't see it. [The Daily Mail]
• Charles Barkley's jail time for driving drunk has been reduced from five days to three for reasons unknown. [TMZ]
• Charlize Theron's former dance teacher called in to a British talk show and revealed the South African's childhood secrets. "She always had these entrepreneurial skills and she used to buy sweets from the school tuck shop and sell them at night to hungry children for a profit. We thought it was wonderful - we, her teachers, thought that showed gumption," said the teacher. "Oh my god, Bernice! This in insane!" said Theron. "I don't remember selling candy at a profit! I did start drinking at a very early age, so my memory is a bit dodgy." [The Daily Express]
• The Daily Beast dug up a 2007 ABC interview with Robin Givens, who spent years in an abusive relationship with Mike Tyson, for insight into the Chris/Rihanna situation. She said: "With Michael, I felt like I had a purpose. I really felt like I had to protect him and love him and convince him that the world can be an okay place - I wanted to love all of his hurts and all of his pain away." [The Daily Beast]
• Coolio has been arrested at LAX for crack possession. [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse is trying to pass her road test so she can drive a cute vintage car. "Amy's looking for things to do to keep her away from the temptation of drink and drugs," says a friend. [The Sun]
• Dame Judi Dench, Dame Helen Mirren, and "honorary Brit" Gillian Anderson are included on a list of the 20 most powerful women in British theater. [The Telegraph]
• There are rumors of a Broadway production of Sex and the City but Cynthia Nixon says that it's not going to happen because the excitement of seeing the cast on stage would be too much for fans. "It would be really hard for people to even see just two of us together on a stage. That would be way too distracting!" [The Daily Express]
• Denise Richards says this isn't the first time she's been asked to be on Dancing With The Stars. "When they asked me to do it originally, my mom was still [alive] and both my parents were like, 'You're going to get voted off right away because women hate you,' " says Richards, "And I thought, 'They're right. This may not be a good time to do the show.' Granted, a lot of them still hate me, but hopefully they hate me less. Time has gone by." [E!]
• Devo will perform their 1978 album "Are We Not Men?" in full for the first time at a concert in London in May. [Yahoo]
• Krist Novoselic says there are no more unreleased Nirvana songs. "What there is, is video," Novoselic. "There's a lot of video. There's not going to be any new Nirvana records." [AP]
• "I do feel in my twenties I did way too much... I didn't realise I could say 'no'. It was like someone shot a gun and I just kept running and running... until I completely lost the desire to work. I felt like I had nothing to say. Then a lot of things happened in my life. My father died. I met my husband. I had a baby. And I thought, 'There's actually a real life to be had here that has nothing to do with Hollywood and all of these people and all of this negativity.'" - Gwyneth Paltrow. [The Independent]
• The Bachelor, Jason Mesnick appeared on Ellen today as part of his apology tour for switching fiances on the show. He said: "I think what I want to do is to apologize to everybody out there. All the fans of the show because thank you for watching, but this was my real life and it was the hardest thing I had to do. And I made some big mistakes and that's what I wanted to sit here and talk about today-the mistakes that I made. But in the end I found my true love." [Yahoo]

• Etta James says when she was ripping Beyoncé about singing "At Last" for the President, "I didn't really mean anything…"

"Even as a little child, I've always had that comedian kind of attitude." Sure, sure. [The Life Files via NY Daily News, ONTD]

• The Obamas were reportedly "stunned" by Etta James' remarks. [TMZ]
• The Times asks, re: Heath Ledger, "So how do you run an Oscar campaign for someone who is no longer with us?" [NY Times]
• Angelina Jolie will produce a film called Resilient, in which Mariane Pearl will interview five women who have overcome odds to bring change to their communities. That's right, Saint Angie has six kids and a movie to create, get out of her way. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Ryan Reynolds looks Photoshopped into waxy zombie territory on the cover of Men's Health. But good for him for running a marathon to raise funds for Parkinson's. [Socialite Life]
• Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil's divorce could get nasty: Blake Incarcerated is "compiling a dossier" of all the dudes Amy slept with and wants them to testify to prove that Amy was unfaithful during their marriage. What kind of fuckery is this? [The London Paper]
• Paris Hilton's brother Barron is being sued by a dude he struck with his car at a gas station a year ago. [TMZ]
• Apparently Kate Hudson's new guy, Aussie golfer Adam Scott, is better for her than Owen Wilson, because Owen would "point out her imperfections all the time" and Kate would always seen pictures of Owen with other women in magazines. Also: Adam is hot. [E!]
• Here's the Sarah Jessica Parker story from Bazaar. SJP talks about being Carrie Bradshaw: "I got to wear such incredible things, and you make such mistakes and there's such hits and great triumphs and there's incredible wrong, wrong, wrong. But it's so much fun." Oh! And she wore an Alexander McQueen dress to an SATC event in New York: "I actually had to cut myself out of that dress that night. My husband was out of town, so I was alone when I got home, and I couldn't unzip it. So…I got out the scissors." [Bazaar]
• Oh, God: Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman just signed on for a romcom called The Baster. They'll play best friends, but when he learns she's gonna get pregnant through artificial insemination, he replaces the donor's semen with his own. This is not a joke. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Here's Lily Allen dressed as a boy in a spoof of a chocolate commercial. [Daily Mail]
• In this article, Liv Tyler invites the interviewer back to her house and talks about the "sad parts" — empty spaces where her ex-husband has moved out. [Wonderland Magazine]
• Whoops! The BBC aired Christian Bale's infamous tirade without bleeping out the swearing. [The Star]
• Fantasia plans to get her high school degree — she dropped out of the ninth grade about ten years ago. "I've been talking about it for so long," she says. "I have a lot of young people who look up to me, like my 15-year-old brother and 7-year-old daughter. It's something that I really need to do and that I want to do." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Guy Ritchie: Seen singing show tunes in a gay bar. [Page Six]
• We've heard this before but here it is again: Lily Allen couldn't stay with her 45-year-old boyfriend because the sex was bad. [Mirror]
• Long interview with Justin Long, promoting He's Just Not That Into You. Guess what? He's not like his character. "I'm not good at reading signs - I don't like deciphering. I don't like to play the games, like 'When am I supposed to call?' " he says. [USA Today]
• Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell are in luuuuuv. [Daily Mail]
• Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are selling their San Antonio home for about $900,000. Take a slideshow tour and check out the pretty pool and basketball court! [WSJ]
• Dev Patel, who has been nominated for a Best Actor Bafta, says of Slumdog Millionaire: "It has never claimed to be a documentary. It is a movie. It is entertainment. I spent five months out here filming and really got a chance to see the slums close up and I think the film depicts them accurately enough. Mumbai really is a city of extreme contrasts. If you step out of a five-star hotel here you can be facing a slum." [Telegraph]
• Speaking of Dev Patel, he and Freida Pinto were about to be on Tyra's show when a woman in the audience had a seizure. They signed a copy of the Slumdog soundtrack and slipped it to her as she sped off in an ambulance. Music heals, you guys. [Page Six]
• Soap operas are wiping out top stars because the economic downturn means they can't pay the actors. Days Of Our Lives lost four couples! [NY Post]
• Another day, another story about John Cleese's package. [Page Six]
• Kelly Cutrone, whom you may have seen on The City or The Hills, is getting a reality show based on her fashion PR company. Expect dramz! [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which young magazine editor dispenses bags of blow to Hollywood starlets so they can be 'extra up' for the photo shoots he arranges?" [Gatecrasher]
• Paris Hilton chatted Fergie up about her wedding and honeymoon, but when Fergalicious walked away, Paris quipped to sister Nicky, "Ha, my engagement ring was bigger!" This paper points out: Yeah, Paris, but which one of you is actually married? [Gatecrasher]
• Russell Simmons has a juicy new squeeze, and she is a grapefruit heiress. [Gatecrasher]
• The new Gossip Girl plotline will be very similar to Anne Hathaway's love life: A hottie swindler will sweep Serena off her feet. [Gatecrasher]
• Jade Jagger is married, according to her Facebook status. Also, she started a music, fashion and art company called, uh, Jezebel. Her middle name. [Daily Mail]
• Will Val Kilmer run for governor of New Mexico in 2010? He says probably! "What I do for a living is listen. If I run, I'm going to be the next governor." [CBS News via AP]
• "I used to have claustrophobia inside the cinema because I didn't like it in the dark. I missed out on films as a kid. Now I'm better watching films on DVD with friends around than on my own. — Judi Dench. And! "The difference between theatre and cinema is that once you've done a film, it's over. With Nine, two days after I'd recorded my singing part, I did the performance I felt I should've done – in my bathroom." [Daily Express]
• "We haven't found any reason to stop yet. It's chaos at times, but there's such joy in the house. We have the capability to give a child a home and, let me tell you, it's selfish too because the reward has been extraordinary. [Twins are] just double the fun. It's surprising how soon their personalities have started emerging. But it's really important that everyone gets their individual time as well as group time together, and that's a big focus of ours. We were four before, and we got into our rhythms and it worked – but everyone's pretty well integrated." — Brad Pitt, on adding kids to his brood. [Mirror]
• "I've tried, but I'm just not into text sex. You only have a few lines to get your point across, and I don't like that. I also don't know who my text-sex partner is showing my messages to. I could be viewed as a text slut through no fault of my own." — Ginnifer Goodwin. [Gatecrasher]
• "Gigi is the closest I've ever come to playing myself. I've never been interested in playing someone so like myself. But I fell in love with her. I humiliate myself on a daily basis. I have been known to Google-stalk. I've certainly caught myself flirting in such a way that I feel nauseous afterward when I think of what I said. And I'm so guilty of the long linger." — Ginnifer Goodwin, on her character in He's Just Not That Into You. [USA Today]
• "You're pretending you're feeling the same emotion as when you wrote the song. I'm not trying to have pretend good sex, I'm trying to have good sex." — Duffy, on her tactic when filming music videos. [The Sun]
• "Angelina and I are together because we can enhance each other. I don't want to waste any time because I'm with company I really, really love." — Brad Pitt. [Mirror]
• "It's a great job, but it doesn't leave time for what's important, like having a family. I want to live in the country and have a walled garden with chickens and pigs." — Lily Allen, on being a pop star. [Mirror]
• "I was kind of seeing this guy and then it was over. So I texted my godmother in Jamaica and told her and as a joke I said, 'Maybe my next conquest should be Simon Cowell.' You know when someone is in your mind and you accidentally text them? He replied, 'Sorry?'" — Lily Allen, on accidentally propositioning Simon Cowell. [The Sun]
• "My son! My husband! Food! Oh, fashion? I don't know. A good bra?" — What Sarah Jessica Parker can't live without. [Bazaar]
• "I think pop culture has done a number on creativity, because for me to make that statement [that I'm into acting], I get the reaction: 'Really?' It's like, 'Yeah, why wouldn't I?' The opportunity is there. It's sort of like, I have a day job, and this becomes a hobby (that) I can plunge into with full creative eagerness." — Justin Timberlake, to Katie Couric. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I stopped reading all fashion and trash magazines. I don't want to be influenced any more by what's in and what's out and what makes somebody cool or not cool. In the middle of the night I'd go and take a pee, and on the bathroom floor would be a magazine, and I found myself memorizing banal headlines like 500 Best Black Tops. So I read only books – A Farewell To Arms, it's a heartbreaker, oh god – and decoration magazines." — Liv Tyler. [Wonderland Magazine]
• "I have to say really, I feel better than I ever felt in my life. I did have a moment, though, over the weekend my first like huh… I don't want to [turn 40]. I found a really long gray hair and it kind of flipped me out. It's not my first but it's the fact that it was so long. I was like, 'Oh that's been there. How many others are there, and what does that mean? It actually brought me to tears slightly." — Jennifer Aniston, on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. [People]

• The office of the doctor who prescribed Anna Nicole Smith methadone 13 days before she gave birth was raided today and police are looking for a connection between the doctor and lawyer Howard K. Stern.

• The California Medical Board is looking for evidence that Dr. Sandeep Kapoor was writing prescriptions for Stern so he could give the pills to Anna. Kapoor has already broken the law by writing prescriptions for the pregnant Anna Nicole under a fake name. [TMZ]
• This video is meant to demonstrate that Dannielynn is the "spitting image" of her mom, but as adults hover around the two-year-old and photograph her, it just seems sad that no one learned from her mom's relationship with the media and decided not to put the toddler on camera. [E!]
• Former Backstreet Boy Nick Carter struggled with drugs and alcohol for years, but decided to get sober when he found out he has a life threatening heart condition. Now he says he's healthy and in the best shape of his life, and there are locker wall-worthy photos to prove it. [People]
• In other boy band news, New Kids on the Block's Jonathan Knight has been outed by his former boyfriend in the National Enquirer. Reportedly, he realized he was gay after dating Tiffany. [Boy Culture]
• At last! Audio of Etta James dissing Beyonce and Barack can be found here. [This Is 50]
• Gossip Girl is planning a plot for the end of this season based on Anne Hathaway's romance with Italian grifter Raffaello Follieri. Surely this is much more exciting than her Oscar nomination. [Entertainment Weekly]
• The latest of the Christian Bale parodies has Rahm Emanuel going off on Tom Daschle, and you can listen to it here. [Jossip]
• In this video, a man dressed in a Batman costumes terrorizes tourists, performing the Christian Bale rant. Has this gone too far already? [TMZ]
• Here's the full text of Bale's diatribe, in case you want to don a Newsies costume and frighten some tourists yourself. [The Telegraph]
• Steven Soderbergh may direct Moneyball, based on the MIchael Lewis book Moneyball: The Art of Winning An Unfair Game. The film will star Brad Pitt. [Variety]
• Jewel will be on the next season of Dancing With the Stars. [Perez Hilton]
• This article dubs Kate Winslet the "Queen of Cleavage" and recounts the history of her breasts, claiming they have "become so important they are starting to take on a life of their own." [Telegraph]
• Sources say Usher's wife isn't happy being left in Atlanta with their two sons while he records his new album, but people involved with the record had enough of her meddling when he was working on his last project. [Perez Hilton]
• Shield your eyes, Notebook fans. Here's the first picture of Rachel McAdams kissing her new boyfriend, Josh Lucas. [Perez Hilton]
• Ricki Lake is going to take over Sharon Osbourne's role as Headmistress on the third season of Charm School. [PR Newswire]
• Jason Wahler, Lauren Conrad's ex, says though he likes Whitney, he can't believe The City got picked up for a second season because it was "a terrible show." [Perez Hilton]
• Hugh Grant drove up to his house with former girlfriend Jemima Khan, who he dated for three years, but when they spotted photographers they got back in the car and drove away. [The Daily Mail]
• Patrick Swayze has sold Simon & Schuster the rights to a book he plans to write with his wife about his life before and after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. [Crain's]
• Ricky Gervais thinks it's hilarious that his satirical letter to President Obama, which says he'll try to get Posh to leave the U.S. if Obama recalls Paris Hilton from the U.K., has been reported in the media. He says: "I'd love to think that somewhere there is an adviser sitting with the president saying: 'OK, so let me see if I've got this straight. 1. Withdraw from Iraq 2. Sort out education in the poorest communities and 3. Swap Posh for Hilton." [UPI]
• The U.S. and U.K. show Secret Millionaire in which rich people go undercover in poor neighborhoods and hand out money, is being adapted to capitalize on the success of Slumdog Millioniare. Secret Slumdog Millionaire will follow the same premise but be set in Mumbai, though officials have already complained that the residents are stereotyped in the film. [E!]
• Martha Stewart is suing oven-maker TurboChef because she promoted their products on her show and website and never received the company stock and cash she was promised in return. [TMZ]
• In addition to his many other charms, Daniel Craig is a good Samaritan. At a party, British journalist Sir Peregrine Worsthorne lost his hearing aid and Craig led the search, not hesitating to get down on his hands and knees or stick his hand into the kitchen garbage. He didn't even punch Sir Peregrine when the hearing aid was found stuck in his shirt. [The Daily Express]
• Dame Judi Dench reveals that she was once locked out of the Oscars for arriving late. She didn't mind because Morgan Freeman was locked out with her. [The Star]
• Duff McKagan of Guns N' Roses has a new finance column in Playboy. The Economist reports: "He took an interest in business after getting off drugs in 1994." [The Economist]
• A court ruled that 50 Cent won't have to pay half his assets, about $50 million, to the mother of his 11-year-old son, even though she says 50 promised to "take care of her for life." [TMZ]
• Paul Walker, 35, proposed to his 19-year-old girlfriend over the weekend. Paul, who has a 9-year-old daughter, "can't wait to add more kids to his life" according to a source. [Star]
• Proof kids should not try Quidditch at home: a stuntman working on the new Harry Potter film fell while rehearsing a flying stunt and is now unable to move his hands or legs after sustaining a spinal cord industry. His family says he has vowed to get better and return to work on the film. [UPI]
• Eminem is thrifty, and surprisingly sweet. He once called his manager to ask if he had enough cash to buy a $15,000 watch. His manager told him to go for it, but Eminem decided not to, saying "I don't want to run out of money, I want my daughter to be able to go to college." [U.S. News & World Report]
• Holly Madison wrote on her blog that her job at Playboy was real and she didn't quit just because she left The Girls Next Door. Holly writes: "If I had wanted a fake career for Girls Next Door I would have stuck with the jewelry line because that required very little of my time. I spent way more than full time directing shoots, editing, making mock layouts and approving retouching." [Perez Hilton]
• If things don't work out with John Mayer, Jennifer Aniston could always become a Rock of Love contestant. Bret Michaels says he has a crush on Jen because, "she seems like someone you could take home to meet mom — yet, behind closed tour bus doors, she could rock your world." [Us]
• Jennifer Connelly says that men will enjoy He's Just Not That Into You just as much as women. "There must be a reason why Ben Affleck wanted to do it and Bradley Cooper and Louie Guzman is in it, Kevin Connolly, Justin Long," she says. Yes, there must be a reason, we just can't figure out what it is. [CBS News]

[Rome, January 11. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Anguillara, Italy; January 8. Image via INF]

[London, December 18. Image via INF]

• Wow, Lindsay Lohan and Sean Penn nuzzled at a private dinner for Milk last week. Samantha Ronson was not present. What does it all mean? [Fox 411]
• Photographs of Jennifer Aniston in a wet T-shirt with a "visible breast" are in a calendar, but a spokesperson says, "I don't think this is legal." [Times Of India]
• In this interview to promote Marley & Me, Jennifer Aniston gets pissy about her personal life, and when asked about the "difficult times," Owen Wilson walks out. [USA Today]
• Oh, dear: Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, wants $1.6 million to walk away from the marriage and not write a tell-all book. All together now: What kind of fuckery is this? [Perez Hilton]
• Another divorce payout: Madonna will reportedly give Guy Ritchie about £32 million in cash and prizes. [Telegraph]

• In this interview, Brtiney's mom, Lynne Spears, says she almost called her autobiography All My Fault. "I can laugh about it now, but did I feel that way at the time? Yes, I did and, if I'm being totally honest, I still do," she says. Lynne also talks about being worried that Britney will kill herself, the conservatorship and what's missing in Britney's life. [Daily Mail]
• David Beckham was being followed by paparazzi, so he and his bodyguard got out of the car and started punching photographers through the other car's window. [E!]
• Click to see a picture of David Beckham bungee jumping in New Zealand! [Mirror]
• Mary-Kate Olsen: Not pregnant, which makes it okay that she was in Miami, "smoking and drinking vodka cocktails all night." [Page Six]
• Ouch! Man Vs. Wild host Bear Grylls injured his shoulder in Antarctica during an expedition to raise money for charity. [CNN]
• What does Scarlett Johansson want for Christmas? Tickets to Barack Obama's inauguration ball! [Mirror]
• Is 42-year-old Janet Jackson knocked up? [Perez Hilton]
• Heath Ledger was posthumously named best actor by the Australian Film Institute for his role in The Dark Knight. [Reuters]
• Heidi Montag's mom suggested maybe Heidi was drugged before she married Spencer Pratt; Heidi says: "I want to make it very clear to family, friends and fans that the decision to marry Spencer was very much mine." Ugh, we know. [Contact Music]
• Perez Hilton has a book, you guys. Inside, predictions such as: "Britney will be probably be dead. I believe she came pretty close to the stripper pole in the sky the last time she hit rock bottom." And! Nicole Richie "will be really fat in her old age. Her body will rebel and she’ll weigh almost 180 lbs. OMG!" [Gatecrasher]
• America Ferrera will be the master of ceremonies at a debt-retirement "conversation" with Hillary Clinton. The Senator has $7.5 million in campaign debt, yikes. [MSNBC]
• Poor Barbra Streisand got a kiss from President Bush, whom she loathes, at the Kennedy Center honors. [NY Post]
• In an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow and her friend/trainer, Tracy Anderson (who also trains Madonna), Gwynnie reveals: "When I was about 25, I started doing ashtanga yoga every day. I did Pilates for a while and was always disciplined about it, but I never got the results I get with this. After my first 10 days I lost 11 inches!" [Gotham Magazine]
• Want Kanye West to appear at an after-party? Better have $40,000. [News.com.au]
• If you have $8.5 million, you can scoop up Jennifer Lopez's Bel Air estate. [TMZ]
• Jamie Foxx jokes that he's trying to pick out Barack Obama's Christmas puppy right now: "I think I'm going to get him a pitbull, we just got to keep it street." [Yahoo News]
• Lily Allen "swaps grungy guys for a more mature gent": She went to the ballet with her grandfather. [Mirror]
• Oh, and Lily Allen is sticking up for Amy Winehouse: "Yes, she does get out of her mind on drugs sometimes, but she is also a very clever, intelligent, witty, funny person who can hold it together. I mean, there aren't that many people with whom the press concentrate on their personality so much. I think in the UK, as far as females go, it's mainly me and her that get that treatment. She gets it more than I do. But I don't see it that much with other people." [Mirror]
• Keanu Reeves is trying to quit smoking. "I didn't even start until I was 30," he says. "Now it's a prison. I want to stop." [Daily Mail]
• Due to the economy, Kate Hudson is having a handmade Christmas: "We've always been pretty crafty anyway," she says. "We all knit. The girls knit. This year I’m doing these great big knit… Well, actually I shouldn’t even talk about it because I can’t say it!" [People]
• Wow, Catherine Hardwicke, who directed Twilight, won't be directing the sequel. What will become of the fangless, unscary vampires now? [EW]
• Terri Seymour on her breakup with Simon Cowell: "Simon will be a hard act to follow. But on the bright side at least I will be able to use the mirror. He used to take forever in the mornings." [Mirror]
• Suri Cruise is a budding artist. [Daily Mail]
• Dame Judi Dench was presented with a lifetime achievement award by The European Film Academy at a gala in Copenhagen, Denmark. [UPI]
• Jonny Lee Miller's wife, Michele Hicks, gave birth to a baby boy, Buster Timothy Miller. Will Buster get to play with the Jolie-Pitt kids? Jonny is still friends with ex-wife Angelina Jolie, right? [Yahoo News]
• Another day, another stalker: Alyssa Milano is seeking a temporary restraining order against a man who hiked miles to try and reach her and has displayed "increasingly threatening behavior." [AP]
• Chris Klein and Ginnifer Goodwin: Splitsville. [ET]
• Uterus news: Eric Dane says he and wife Rebecca Gayheart are "trying" to have kids. [ET]
• Another important message from Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones. [Funny Or Die]
• Blind item! "Which supposedly straight funnyman keeps getting caught in West Village dives propositioning men by opening his legs and winking? We hear the B-lister had a few takers." [Gatecrasher]
• 'Tis the season? There are six Holocaust-themed movies this winter. [Page Six]
• The Fonz, Henry Winkler, had terrible dyslexia: "I'd look at a menu, which I couldn't read, then ask what everyone else was having and choose from that. Or if I was out with a girl I'd tell her I loved the way she spoke and get her to read the whole menu to me. I got through life by listening very carefully to what people said and learning that way. As I got older I learned to ask for help." [Daily Mail]
• Is Danity Kane/Hairspray's Aubrey O'Day gay? [Page Six]
• "I'm 41. Everybody says I'd be dead. Well, I wouldn't be dead, I'd just be a little caricature of a rock star. Who wants to be a drug addict at 41? Listen, I'm 41, I've got two kids, I don't expect a 16-year-old to be looking to me for inspiration. It's the Arctic Monkeys' job now. I've done my bit. Now we go in the studio and it's just like, let's make some records, let's do it cos we love it." — Noel Gallagher. [Guardian]
• "I didn't want to see her journey belittled. She was not a stereotypical long-suffering wife who just chastised her husband when he was grumpy and took care of the kids. She was extremely capable, and she was forward thinking. Looking back, she was clearly a feminist." — Laura Linney on her role as Abigail Adams in John Adams. [Telegraph]
• "I'm just really lazy. Too lazy to phone the cleaning lady. But I do have a German boyfriend. He can't help cleaning. Recently he came back from a long trip and he kissed me and immediately went and cleaned the toilet." — Rufus Wainwright. [Newsweek]
• "I'm at a strange age. I'm not a woman yet, but I'm not a girl any more. [Film companies] say, 'Oh, in a couple of years you’ll be perfect for this.' I'll be like, yeah, but I want to be studying English then, so it’s going to be quite tough to choose between the two. I'm going to have a battle on my hands, because after Harry Potter has finished, I don't know. I definitely want to go to university." — Emma Watson. [Times Of London]
• "I will not be shagging Russell Brand. Just because I gave him my number does not mean I’ll be going on a date with him. I was the subject of one of his calls once, but I didn’t answer the phone thank goodness! I just saw his name come up on the screen and thought: 'I don’t think I’m going to answer that right now.' He was on air and it was just good female intuition. I had another conversation with him on the radio shortly before he left his radio show and he is a lot fun. I like him. And I can totally handle guys like that." — Dita Von Teese. [The Sun]

Here's a photo of Cameron Diaz from the 2003 Oscar Ceremony. Lovely dress! Completely normal pose! She looks darling. I could not find one photo of a woman posed with her arm in teapot territory.
Now it's 2004. Sofia Coppola: nary a bent arm in sight. I think I found a single woman who was in the dreaded pose, but she wasn't even famous.
2005: in this year, early adopters began embracing this unnatural looking position.
But as you'll see in this next photo of Cate Blanchett from '05, not all celebrities had jumped on the teapot bandwagon.
Oh lord. In this photo from 2006, Felicity Huffman looks about as natural as a Stepford Wife exhibiting the increasingly popular teapot position. Looking through all the photos, about 60% of starlets have embraced it by this point.
Of course, O.G. bitches like Dame Judi Dench will never submit to the tyranny of the teapot.
Crikey! Cate Blanchett has finally fallen prey to the teapot's allure in this photo from 2007. Noooooo.
Why, Marion Cotillard…whyyyyyyyyyy?!?!? Right before she won the Oscar for Best Actress, Maid Marion is seen here, looking like she's full of Earl Grey. So sad, but by 2008, a good 95% of actresses have teapotitis.
This is probably why Julie Christie lost the Oscar to Cotillard. She refused to fall in line with the rest of the tea service. I smell a conspiracy!!!

[All images via The Official Oscar Website]