1.) Toes
Tyra had guests this week who get fake toenails put on.

And there were these idiots, who pay $65 a session to have their toes read.

2.) Mariah
She made the talk show rounds. She stumbled on Leno.

Then she went on Larry King Live, where she blinged out his logo.

And then smelled her tits.

Also, Larry serenaded her.

3.) "Where are you?"
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew premiered this week. One of its cast members, Nicole Narain, was on The Joy Behar Show, where she answered Joy's question a little too literally.

4.) What happens when you slouch in Judge Judy's court.

5.) Cougars
The Insider is taking this taking this cougar thing way too far. Although, I do like the little glimpses of Wasilla townies we get.

Niecy Nash is now literally referred to as "the resident cougar," and for the past two weeks, she's been going on dates with younger men.

Is this supposed to be sexy? Chest stubble and exaggerated nipples?

It reminds me of when Homer got plastic surgery so that Marge wouldn't leave him for a younger man.

And his nipples cried.

6.) Heather from Rock of Love on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
She played a hooker.

7.) Why did Sandals have to ruin a perfectly lovely song?

8.) Jon Gosselin implied that he's on the same professional level as Mary Hart.
And she didn't like it.

9.) Kirstie Alley on her coke days.

10.) Michelle Obama is fun.

The plaintiff had been acquitted of all charges in a criminal court. It turns out that the defendant had made the allegations against him only after she had been accused of stealing money from the store in which they were working. Her, the defendant admits that her employment was being "watched by the state" after she had failed multiple drug tests—one while pregnant—and had her child taken away from her. If she were to be fired from the hardware store, she'd be in trouble with the state again.


In a civil court, the burden of proof for the plaintiff was much heavier than "beyond a reasonable doubt." However, when he played audio excerpts of testimony at his trial—in which it was revealed that the defendant had been accused of stealing money at her three previous jobs—JJ had come to her decision. She awarded the plaintiff $2500, not because of the defendant's questionable history, but because she had made statements under oath in the first trial that contradicted her statements under oath in JJ's court.

He's, of course, a gigantic asshole, saying that the judgment against him (he was ordered to pay the plaintiff $5,000) is worth it, because the fliers with her image made him a lot more money than that.

1.) Synergy
Jon Gosselin's answer when asked for his thoughts on the Balloon Boy hoax:



We're thinking that Balloon Boy might give the same exact answer when asked for his thoughts on Jon Gosselin wiping out his family's bank account.

2.) Tricia Walsh-Smith threatened to walk off The Insider.
She didn't understand that people were telling her that she is smart.

BTW, why does The Insider consider Marla Maples part of "The Real First Wives Club"?

3.) "Tardy for the Party" is based on a true story.

Kim might have another hit on her hands, thanks to Jimmy Kimmel.

4.) A different type of tardy at the party
I love Kim's wasted face.

5.) The best excuse for tardiness
Courtesy of Bridezillas

6.) Spry seniors
Larry King's promo picture for his blog is awesome.

And this week, Elizabeth Taylor took Paris and Prince Jackson to Universal Studios theme park.

7.) Courtney Cox was a menstruation pioneer.

8.) What Al Reynolds is up to now
Musical theater-y things, regurgitating, and not being normal. His words, not mine.

9.) Tyra colonic
Last Friday, Tyra featured a colonic on her stage, which the host claimed was the First! Ever! Televised! Colonic! Except it wasn't. I remember Dave Navarro getting one on his reality show about his marriage to Carmen Electra. Tyra also said that a colonic was "the opposite of diarrhea." In fact, a colonic is the opposite of that. It is diarrhea, and it drips down your leg.

10.) A lesson on life from Judge Judy

(Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich and I answer questions about self-defense, moles, and Mexico. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. Or to Twitter.

P.S. We are totally serious about the Tattoo Challenge. If someone gets a tattoo of us, we will fly them to NYC (within the continental U.S.) and put them up for two nights.

"Can I Use My Old Vibrator With My New Partner?" from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

The plaintiff did, in fact, have a prescription for medical marijuana due to a neck injury, but JJ knew it was baloney when she found out that he's a surfer. Still, she dismissed the plaintiff's case, because he had no legal standing.

• Justin Timberlake's grandmother has confirmed his split from Jessica Biel. Sadie Bomar says they broke up because, "Jessica was keen to marry, but Justin isn't ready..."

• She added, "The girlfriends come and go, but we believe nothing has ever been serious." [The Mirror]
• Elizabeth Taylor announced on her Twitter page today that she's about to undergo heart surgery. She wrote: "It's very new and involves repairing my leaky valve using a clip device, without open heart surgery, so that my heart will function better... Any prayers you happen to have lying around I would dearly appreciate. I'll let you know when it's all over." [People]
• Chris Brown is planning to tour again for his remaining fans. He Tweeted: "BOUT TO START A SMALL TOUR SOON.. 15 TO 20 DATES.. MY FAN APPRECIATION TOUR. just for yall.nothin bigger than 4,ooo seater." [TMZ]
• A private investigator and celebrity lawyer Mark Geragos (who defended Chris Brown) were seen entering Nicole Richie's estate. Could it have something to do with one of the paparazzi rear ending her car yesterday? [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan looked "out of it and gaunt" at the Ungaro runway show on Sunday and Michael Lohan says, "I'm going to get her off the prescription drugs that she's on." He continues, "You know why Lindsay's not acting in feature films right now? Because she can't. Because the girl with all the talent is hidden and buried deep inside this fungus that's grown because of the prescription drugs. She can't be herself. When you hug her she's like, vacant inside. When she kisses or holds me I get chills, and not in a good way-in a bad way." He says everything was fine before he and Dina got divorced and now Lindsay is being taken advantage of by "enablers." [Radar Online]
• Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi survived a minor plane crash on Friday. They were parked on the landing strip at Hearst Castle and the Cessna they were in rolled into an SUV when the pilot forgot to put on the parking brake. [TMZ]
• Usher has delayed his divorce from Tameka Raymond by not signing the divorce papers. "Tameka thinks that it's ironic that "Papers" is his comeback single when she just wants him to sign the paperwork and finalize the divorce," says a source. "The terms and conditions have been agreed on for around a month but he keeps stalling on them and she's the one that wants to move on with her life." [Radar Online]
• Kate Gosselin filed court paper yesterday demanding that Jon Gosselin return $230,000 to their bank account and sell his luxury cars. She also wants Jon to produce a complete record of all the money he spent in the past two months and to be held in contempt of their Interim Arbitration Award. [Radar Online]
• Mel Gibson's lawyers are asking a judge to expunge Gibson's DUI conviction for the "sugar tits" incident from his record. He's completed three years of probation. [TMZ]
• ...aaaand Judge Lawrence Mira granted their request and expunged the DUI. [TMZ]
• Tom Cruise slipped into the back of a Harvard Law class to watch his lawyer Bertram Fields lecture. Fields asked Cruise to comment on issues about tabloids and privacy, and how films are rated a few times. Cruise stayed after class to talk with students and sign autographs. [Harvard Law Record]
• City National Bank is suing Toni Braxton for breach of contract for falling behind on payments of a $900,000 promissory note. [Radar Online]
• Miley Cyrus, who canceled three shows last week because of a severe throat infection, Tweets: "Gotta get up at 6:30! Its my first day back for goodness sakes! You'd think they'd learn their lesson and take it a little slower but noooo." [Daily Express]
• Michael Crichton's widow has filed a creditor's claim against his estate for $7 million. Her prenup entitled her to $1 million a year for nine years, but she had only received $2 million when he died. [TMZ]
• Sources say Tom DeLay will withdraw from Dancing With The Stars tonight due to stress fractures in both his feet. DeLay danced last night even though doctors told him not to. "They're starting to tell me I shouldn't have done this," he said, "I ice [my feet]. I've got a bone stimulator machine that I put on them."[People]
• ZOMG: The November 9 episode of Gossip Girl will feature major characters in a threesome. [EW]
• Kenny Goss, George Michael's partner of 13 years, left him this past Christmas but they've been trying to keep the split quiet. A source says "Kenny had given George many chances. But after the Hampstead Heath incident he said he couldn't take any more. Everyone knew George wasn't just in there to do drugs - the place is well known as a place to pick up men." [Daily Express]
• George Michael's rep says, "There is no truth in the matter at all. Kenny has been away in Dallas where he owns a gallery but is scheduled to return home this Friday. They are planning a lovely weekend together." Daily Mail]
• CBS Television Distribution wants to turn Nancy Grace into the next Judge Judy. The syndicator is developing a half-hour daytime show with Grace described as "a new take on the court show." [Broadcasting Cable]
• Martha Stewart says her biggest regret is "Not having a dozen offspring." [Vanity Fair]
• David Letterman's apology last night was watched by 4.2 million people, a higher rating than anything NBC had on in prime time. [Variety]
• George Clooney's parents, Nick and Nina Clooney, went to the Kentucky State Capitol today to receive the 2009 Kentucky Governor's Awards in the Arts on their son's behalf. Clooney was born in Lexington, Kentucky. [CBS News]
• Helen Hunt was in talks to replace Maura Tierney on Parenthood, but now the role has been offered to Lauren Graham. [Entertainment Weekly]
• A man had a seizure at a screening of Lars von Trier's Antichrist during the scene in which Charlotte Gainsbourg attacks Willem Dafoe's genitalia. [N.Y. Observer]
• Padma Lakshmi says, "One thing that happens when you're pregnant is that as your stomach starts to stretch [and] it itches! So I have to keep my belly really lubricated... Every morning, there's a buttering ceremony after I get out of the shower. It's really like basting a turkey with body butter." [People]
• Bethenny Frankel says none of her RHONY castmates have congratulated her on getting her own show. "What's funny is nobody on my cast has said a single word to me about it," Frankel says, "It must be a giant elephant [in the room]." [People]
• Anna Paquin says she and Stephen Moyer are planning a low key wedding. "I wasn't the girl who spent hours dreaming of my wedding," she says. "It's more about being family than becoming bridezilla overnight and wearing some big meringue wedding dress. That would scare the shit out of me." [Ok]
• There were rumors that Mad Men's Bryan Batt and his longtime partner Tom Cianfichi were getting married in Vermont this Christmas, but his rep says it isn't true, explaining, "Their goal is to eventually marry, but the time has yet to be determined and will not happen this year." [TV Guide]

1.) Flash Dance
This week on So You Think You Can Dance?, some woman flashed her crotch, and Fox gave her a flesh-colored blur, leading these ABC News correspondents to wonder whether or not she was going commando.

2.) Barbara disses Mariah's boring story on The View.



The interview was preempted for the breaking news that Chicago did not get picked to host the Olympics. When The View returned, Mimi's dog appeared.

3.) This.

4.) Jesus wanted John Phillips to have sex with his daughter.
Because he knew it would help Chynna sell her new album.

5.) Tyra has a knack for discovering people who are really good at being assholes.

6.) Tyra also finally discovered Objectum Sexuals.

7.) Check out this hot ticket on Judge Judy.

8.) So not glitz.

9.) Kim doesn't like anything "cheesy" or "cheap."
So don't let the wig fool you.

10.) NeNe bitches out Lara Spencer.

1.) Janice Dickinson
The Insider has a new format sort of based on The View's "Hot Topics," in which the "news" correspondents and a celebrity guest debate bullshit tabloid stuff. The show describes it as "entertainment news with opposing views." Janice Dickinson was the guest on Wednesday, and they really need to just give her the job permanently, because she has finally found her perfect calling.

On Jon Gosselin:

On Whitney Houston:

On confusing saying the word "jackass" and acting like one:

2.) Bobby Brown's body is "pure"

What does Janice think of him?

3.) New Judge Judy episodes!
It's been a cruel summer without some new JJ. Thankfully the new season has returned to dispense the most practical advice in the world.

4.) "Get off your period, dude."
On The Real World: Cancun reunion show, Emilee almost got all L7.

5.) Police work stinks for women

6.) Why did Kim look like Dracula's girlfriend?

Oh, and of course, this.

7.) "Get ready for the fashion show!"

8.) They're just not that into you.
On True Life: I'm Polyamorous, three gay men were in one relationship with each other, but one of them is totally the outcast.

The outcast's solution was to add one more guy into the mix, to a balance. Once he found a suitable candidate, he brought him home to meet his boyfriends, and it all worked out for the best.

9.) How not to raise children.

10.) Paula Abdul

She needs a pageant mom for some stability.

[New York, September 13. Image via Getty]

Justice Sonia Sotomayor will sport her own version of her "judicial collar," in the session beginning September 8.